Narcissistic In-Laws - the special kind of horror they bring to your marriage

Whether they are your in-laws--parents or siblings, or your adult children's in-laws, you can feel frustrated, infuriated, diminished, dismissed, or downright denied by in-laws you need to be right and want to be in control. It can tear your relationships apart. Worse, it can tear YOU apart! In this episode, you'll learn to recognize subtle and in-your-face screaming signs that Hijackal in-laws won't be ignored. Learn some ways to handle the horrors of Hijackal in-laws.
Direct emotional abuse from a Hijackal in-law is often couples with indirect emotional abuse through the family. It's important to do what you can to stop the flying monkeys, triangulation, and constant drama!
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
The 7 horrors of Hijackal in-laws
What you MUST handle first when you recognize you have a Hijackal in-law
Traits of difficult in-laws
10 approaches to handling Hijackal in-laws
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* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
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[@Chaotic4426]

I cut off my 'in laws' and everyone else that meddles in my marriage. I did not marry them, or 'into' their family, i married my spouse and we started our own separate family. That is my family. People get cut off because of their own unwillingness to control their own behavior, things they do, things they say. it's no loss to us. we look after each other, we don't interfere in their lives, so they shouldn't interfere in ours.

[@kalayvaninaidoo6805]

Agreed

[@melaninchocolate6552]

Amen ❤

[@jaymaskey5227]

👍 I agree

[@mimi42428]

You need a spouse who at least knows who they are and values your marriage to achieve this. Well done to you both

[@druchampion-payne1489]

The title of this video says it all ... that's precisely what my in-laws have added to my life: HORROR 😱 I had no idea that a mother-in-law could be so cruel and evil to her daughter-in-law. Been married over 35 years and my MIL passed away three months ago, she was 98. I didn't even go to her funeral and my husband completely understood why. And he didn't even cry when she died, and he didn't cry at her funeral either (that's what he told me). She made things sooo difficult for us from the very beginning. She didn't want my husband to marry me so he didn't invite his side of the family to our wedding because they were all opposed to my husband marrying a divorcee with two children. Only my side of the family attended our wedding. I was heavily persecuted and bullied from day one by my in-laws. They were furious that my husband went against their wishes and married me anyway. In spite of their attitude, I bent over backwards hoping to be accepted by my husband's family. Nothing helped. I never stood a chance because of their prejudice. All I ended up with was a broken heart. Took nearly 35 years to open my eyes and to stop trying and even caring what they thought of me. I am still healing from the bullying and verbal & psychological abuse. But at least I know that the narcissistic abuse is all on them. I've done nothing wrong and I never deserved their hate. Take care :)

[@user-ec8js3nc1p]

Hope you finally have peace❤ so sorry you had to deal with that. Ive been dealing with these Narcissistic in laws for 9yrs ...just can't take it anymore....its taking my health...my soul...horrible

[@bev4155]

Hope you are finding peace and harmony now. My MIL just got put into a lock down alzheimer unit. She was horrible before she had a stroke and it only exacerbated all her hate. I don't care if I ever see her again and won't go to her funeral either. She helped split us up years ago and hated when we got back together. Now it's time to heal, and that's why I found this video.

[@Gigi30107]

OMG.. ...my story. 38 yrs

[@Gigi30107]

✔️😭​@@user-ec8js3nc1p

[@arthurbalcita4851]

Me too have evil MIL and SIL. They did everything to destroy our marriage.They even encouraged my husband to have affairs just to hurt me. By Amelia

[@lamaestra13]

it's truly exhausting and I no longer speak to my in laws, sister hi-jackal in law included. my partner is their puppet.

[@nannygoatbassoonist]

I have a few like this who, when I said "now isn't a good time" to their request to hold my baby at a graduation ceremony in arena style balcony seating and I didn't want to pass him over people to them, they threw a big fit and scolded me. Part of what they said when they didn't get their way was "after all we've done for you". That's the moment I realized how they are. They love bombed and then when they didn't get their way regarding my child, they treated me like a dog. Never an apology. It eventually blew up. We have very limited contact.

[@amandaball353]

This was so informative. Every one of your tips would have helped me tremendously as I began to see that my in-laws were toxic. I am no contact with them and it’s been over 2yrs. I had to keep my dignity and sanity and I found no contact was best for me. I can’t believe how my husband doesn’t see how controlling and manipulative his Mom is?! It’s like a cult. Heavy, dark air fills the room whenever we visited or they visited us. It’s indescribable. It’s not normal and I refuse to act like it is. I’m so glad I made a choice of not participating with them. Thank you for uploading this video (I know it’s a little old) when I came across it today) but the information presented never gets old. I know you’ve helped out so many folks with terrible in-laws. I wish I came across your video 7yrs ago when I was introduced to them. Wishing you a wonderful 2024!!

[@rhondaprice227]

This is my current inlaws. They don't like me and I haven't met them. I'm seeing it as a good thing but my husband is like a "little boy" around them and says nothing. Time and God will fix it. I'm good.

[@amandaball353]

@@rhondaprice227 thanks for replying bc I don’t feel so alone in this situation. You haven’t met them and they don’t like you? That’s really different. Honestly, it wouldn’t matter who the person was- they wouldn’t like them. They feel threatened by you. I’m so relieved to hear that I’m not alone w/ a grown man (husband) who acts like a toddler whenever they’re around their parents. It’s disbelieving but it happens right in front of our eyes. It’s insane!!!🤯 I hope it helps you too that you are not alone with their “weird” family dynamic. Hugs 😘

[@lefantthepainter]

This video describes my nightmare to a T! kzbin.info/www/bejne/sIS4f5WJiNqpaqcsi=DrGNV0aiwq7PazhL

[@marilynng4337]

My ex did nothing about his mom and sister treating me like trash He literally didn’t see that his mom and sister treated me cruelly When I tried to help him He could not relate to my hardship I was so hurt that he thought it was ok for his family to treat me like trash Once he discarded me toward the end of my marriage this all made sense he was just like them He had his mask on and I could not see until he was done with me Since leaving him his family is nicer to me

[@paintergrl12]

Dr. Schaler, you broke down my family in such an elegant succinct way that I am convinced you have a crystal ball. Thank you.

[@davidslagmulder2423]

They are nothing. It's ALL just a facade.☝

[@jackiep5009]

It depends how your spouse responds mine leaned in and started physically abusing me

[@arthurbalcita4851]

You describe exactly the toxic mother-in -law and sisters-in-law I got. By Amelia

[@gerger5670]

I’m not allowed on my father in laws properly Sounds like I’m horrible but he told my daughter that when she’s an adult, he’ll tell her why, he’s told my son in-law this also Well I questioned my hubby about this and he knew, but he said “ I stick up for you”! What a mess I really do not care the reason , I’m sure it has something to do with my gossiping mom in law But I’ve almost lost my soul dealing with what they called parenting, (said hubby) but if your married to a mess Please please look at the relationship with their parents BOTH PARENTS You’ll start putting it together, won’t help your relationship, but at least you keep your soul win Win WIN!

[@IrelandLochlin]

With my SIL it seems like jealousy that I took her brother away and that we're happy. Same SIL has all the money but her husband has been unfaithful to her multiple times. We may not be rich in money but we are rich in love. That bugs her soooo much.😮

[@RobandBrina]

My Sil has never been in a healthy relationship but has the nerve to give an opinion about our relationship. My husband thought it was inappropriate because he never asked for an opinion. One day, she told him in front of me that he could do better. All for her to date many men who are embarrassed and don't even introduce her to their parents. Mind you, she's a stripper 😂very rich, coming from an escort/striper. His brother went on a racist rampage threatening to kill me and my niger family his words, not mine. Very sick in the head family. We cut them off, and it's the best feeling!!!

[@kre8504]

I married into the kind of family that you speak of. Descriptive of what you are speaking of. Sadly, mr.x was into the games of getting our dinner guests against me. I kicked one of them out of our home, never to have him over our house for dinner again. My adopted daughter (by heart, not legally), got punished by me & sent to bed early, for her desire to get between us. I believe mr.x was triangulating the situation. @ the time, I didn’t see him as the wolf in sheep’s clothing, however that is how I picture him in my mind since just B4 I made my plan to leave him. I had never heard of this terminology, you speak of & it’s a picture of mr.x & his friends & family, who play in these triangulation games. I’m @ peace, no longer being tied up in such a family situation!! Thx!!

[@shihtzuluvrtwo6386]

My husband stood by my side from day one. His own father told him 43 years ago, had he not remained in the military, she (monster-in-law) would have ran me off. I tried to keep the peace for years and finally gave up. The woman has tried forever meddling in out marriage, viciously slandering me along with her 2 sons, the flying monkeys. We went no contact and of course I'm to blame. What else is new? I do not want this vindictive snake anywhere near me ever again. My husband has told me everything she ever said/accused me of and no truth to it. He informed her that she had crossed the line one time too many and we do not want her coming to our house nor do we want to come to her house. After that the calls were none stop and went unanswered by us, she finally stopped calling and still trashes both of us to anyone who listens.

[@arthurbalcita4851]

Well, what happened to me was WORST, toxic mother -in- law and sisters-in- laws smeared me to anybody who will listen, called me DEVIL and ALL of THEM WISHED ME DEATH. By Amelia

[@shihtzuluvrtwo6386]

Sorry you have to put up with this. I'm in the same club.

[@sapichai1]

How to deal with these people& your spouse if your spouse doesn’t recognize they are so toxic or doesn’t want to admit they are so toxic? What do you do if your spouse isn’t with you on the same team?

[@NotJessH]

That’s what I’ve been dealing with for the past decade. I’ve taken the “grey rock” approach to my in laws when I have to see them on holidays because I refuse to stay home alone while my husband and children go to his family’s celebrations any more. I’ve finally gotten my husband to see how his mom is very likely an undiagnosed narcissist who has done nothing but make my life hell. She talks about me to absolutely everyone and almost none of it is anywhere near the truth. My husband has never, not once had my back and told his mom she’s being rude (usually worse than just rude). I’m very close to ending my marriage. It’s very sad but nothing is less attractive than a man who doesn’t stand up for his wife.

[@sunshine-db2zm]

Usually this will end in divorce unless he sees through this...sometimes they see it but its not them whos having a hard time so they choose to ignore it like its normal in all family...ones the narcissist targets them then they ll see it and take action but this seldom happens with u (the primary scapegoat)always in the picture...

[@Elizabeth-fw9ui]

My husband finally saw the light when I showed him a video (kzbin.info/www/bejne/d4axgZ6VpK93q6c) about toxic mothers-in-law. You have to realise that they have been brainwashed into believing the toxic behaviour is normal. When he watched that video, he recognised every one of the traits described and realised he had been a coward for not confronting her or defending me. We're on the same page now, and it's such a feeling of relief.

[@arthurbalcita4851]

What you can do if your spouse sided with his HiJackle family ? By Amelia

[@marilynng4337]

I had hijackal mother in law Adult son , an ex hub and a daughter in law I have a cancer diagnosis to prove it

[@user-fs6ou3fk9p]

Yes, but she's very subversive in this. As she's losing her cognitive frontal lobe control at 94, it's so very obvious now. Wow !!!! I should have run!

[@bev4155]

When that happens they cannot hold the masks in place anymore. The true them comes out and people see who they truly are. Just had to put my MIL in a lock down alzheimer unit this week. She had the doctors snowed and they thought she could come back home. We knew the questions to ask and she unraveled in front of their eyes. I am so ready to reclaim my life now that my partner has finally seen the light. God bless and may you find peace and serenity 🙏 💙

[@jackiep5009]

I can’t believe this woman is gone. Sob

[@macnchessplz]

Gone? Are you referring to Roberta?

[@JannatHerzallah]

Just make sure to have a conversation about it before the relationship starts and your boundaries with in laws and AVOID all these men so they can live a celibate life. That will teach them

[@spetersonize]

My husband let his mother come before me and his sister..I care about them but my husband acts different when they call or cone around 😢😢😢😢😢who call their mom baby hey baby my husband doing that and don’t call me that..now his mom did say she live her life through her grown adults kids😢😢😢😢and she is

[@melaninchocolate6552]

DIVORCE!!!! ASAP!!! HOPE YOU'RE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT FROM HIM...OR ELSE YOU'RE TRAPPED

[@yoqueen6048]

My husband's mother is something she told me she believes everything in the Bible besides the wife comes 1st to the husband well I have adult children I told her she is wrong. She's text me twice in the 3yrs we've been together disrespectful this last time. Cut off completely smh.