Narcissistic Parents: Things They Do To Turn Others Against You

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@calmvibesnamaste9946]

My family is exactly how you described.Precisely.

[@calmvibesnamaste9946]

I think I lost my emphaty and feelings after all.I had to greystone too long.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

They will care​@@rtshaw3621

[@dianahill5116]

I'm atheist.

[@privateprivate8366]

The narcissistic parent also knows that, in society, you have no defenses against whatever narrative they tell others about you, specifically because they are your parent. They know people are LITERALLY BLINDED by the word “mother”. That a mother is undoubtedly loving, well-meaning and truthful. If she says anything about you, well, it must be true.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

They can be extremely jealous and hateful.

[@marajade784]

That’s exactly what my mother did and relied on to make sure that no one would even suspect her. The flying monkeys are quick to believe that all mothers are angels.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

@@marajade784 How bad did she do you and what was the point of it?

[@christymartin6281]

Yes, even my Christian relatives believe the lies and gaslighting.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

@@christymartin6281 What did they blame you on?

[@mr.F.Castle]

Remember if your narc parents talk shit about others they probably talk shit about you as well.

[@TheHarlotsHaven]

Yep! Recently was around the father, and the way he criticized another lady for having multiple children to different men..like he was disgusted! (I have children to different fathers too due to terrible circumstances) , I thought well he might be telling others I'm a whore, or whatever behind my back

[@wesleyduckett1982]

Never uncommon in my upbringing for my dad to corner me and divulge his thoughts on others. He talked about family members constantly, and personal information about my parents relationship (before and after the divorce) and my stepmother and dads relationship. No one wonder I got the shingles at 10.

[@ios7679]

100%

[@matc6221]

@@ios7679 Ah yesAnd spot on

[@callmeishmaelk767]

Yup. Notice, they always have someone in the barrel that they relentlessly bitch about during the forced/coerced get togethers. They always have some target in mind.

[@lt827]

All these tricks can also be done by adult siblings

[@jerrywise]

Yes indeed!

[@Alicia-tg8ei]

I’m completely alone in this world due to this from my now deceased parents as well as siblings.

[@moonchildpink5525]

Absolutely, my older sister picked up right where my Mom left off. I see right through her! 😊

[@JustJOGGIN-qb9yo]

You dont have to be alone

[@NomkhosivictoriaKhumalo]

I know what you mean I have an older sister like that.

[@sarahpinho1114]

I had no idea my parents were turning people against me until everyone was gone. I was so shocked and sad at the power they had over others, but now I have a new little tribe so not all is lost.

[@juniperwool]

This is exactly what I have experienced...specifically with not living up to obligations as an adult child. I noticed people shift away from me...specifically my mom's sister (I used to feel rather close with her). Then, my mom told me one day that she "vents" to her sister about me. I mean, why tell someone that in the first place, but then it made sense why that aunt never contacted me anymore.

[@carolnahigian9518]

Choose Faithfull Pals. Be a Good Pal; surrounded by JOY now😁🩵

[@jmr9856]

Happy for you that you have a new lil tribe ❤️, it is much better for your soul to pick your own soulmates vs trying to appease a family that will never be satisfied. I always wondered why my cousins, other family and her friends would always be stand-offish, but then I began to understand why when I got wind of some of the things that were being said. Yes, what she said was always taken as law. Blessing in disguise, cuz we learn to be self reliant and not depend on people who really aren't there for us. They are stuck in their 'old loop and old group.' Ugh it's draining trying to fit in. 'We were meant to stand out' ✨️

[@wendyerskine6951]

So glad for you. Yes, l'm in the same boat and it's a helluva shock, even at my age and that's knowing my mother was a psycho from when l was tiny. But l dont have your wee group yet X❤

[@rondelpertillar5795]

I feel you.

[@Ackb1004]

The worst is when they try to turn your kids against you.

[@AnnaD25]

Yes, it is devastating😢

[@impalamama7302]

When my children told me "I love you mama!" around my narc mother she would visibly react. It was like by my children living me, something was taken away from her. Of course they loved her as well, but she expected them to live her more than me . She wreaked havoc in my marriage with my other family members and tried her damnest to turn my children against me. I wish I had known more about the nature of the beast of narcissist mothers sooner. But knowing it now has helped in healing now she's gone. Sadly the damage has been done and some relationships may never be repaired whatsoever.

[@NunyaBusIness-tl1ev]

Or the children of your siblings. Also telling lies to relatives over the phone, knowing someone is always listening

[@Imissyoulou]

Keep your children away from them. My egg donor tried that with my son, and he got her told IMMEDIATELY. He never like her after that. He was 10 years. He rarely saw her anyway because I stayed away from her. Only seen her at family funerals. No family reunions, family gatherings, family visits, NOTHING.

[@Beth-yq9uj]

My kids are getting in their 30's and are now seeing my moms maniplating ways. I try not to talk to them about how difficult my relationship with my mom is.

[@sleepmutterer9746]

What hurts worse is that the others believe them. For me, that was what done the most damage 😐

[@Sky-bx9mn]

Yeah. Others believing them hurts in so many ways. Isolates you from help and support, makes it hard to trust other people, makes you wonder if the gaslighting is actually the truth... It's scary and it really messes with you.

[@Imissyoulou]

@@Sky-bx9mn My egg donor did the same thing and many of my family members believed them, however, I did not care because I had an extended family that was AWESOME. After I got away from her, I NEVER FELT UNLOVED or UNWANTED. My extended family was LOVING, truthful, encouraging, patience, kind, supportive and they were always concerned about my well being. Blood creates one family, but love creates another family with strong and unbreakable bonds.

[@dawnroberts8701]

My aunts, uncles, and cousins were told (when I was in my 50s) that I started being involved in Satanism when I was 10 years old! I was living in my parent's house and had to be in bed by 8:30 year 'round! I have no idea who believed that but it definitely resulted in broken relationships.

[@CityThatCannotBeCaptured]

Yes. I understand. That is ALWAYS what hurts the most and does the most damage.

[@1HorseOpenSlay]

Walking into that room and feeling that awkward silence and getting the side eye from everyone. Like they are in the presence of a murderer or so.ething. nope, just the scapegoat. Not a criminal or anything.

[@brendamoon2660]

Narcissist mothers are so effective at distroying all your connections. Parents normally brag about their children so, no matter how wild the story is, people believe them. They think if your mother would criticize you it must be not only true but just the tip of the iceberg of what youve put them through.

[@MONEYAINTATHANG100]

Not if they have a history of mental illness that folks have been aware of

[@tiakore7524]

Yes, and the flying monkeys and enablers are born out of that.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Such fucking jealous liars

[@Holly-d1n]

The thing is mother's like this are usually already pegged as a gossiper or promiscuous and it's well known. Someone should never accept advice about someone else from anyone they don't know extremely well in these cases they should do their own research into someone's personality before they pass judgement.

[@brendamoon2660]

@user-dc6wz4dv3l of course they should but no one ever does. People love to believe gossip. Look at all the rumors that circulate about celebrities. I've often been just as angry with people for believing my mothers tales as her for telling them. It doesn't matter if someone is a known gossip. All that matters is if the story is interesting.

[@pigeonhawk4832]

This can definitely apply to narcissistic siblings who are exactly like the narcissistic and toxic mother.

[@jennw6809]

100%, that's my situation too.

[@barbarafrack7084]

That's my sister. Turned my kids against me as well.

[@jennw6809]

@@barbarafrack7084 I'm sorry that happened to you 😭 my sister turned the rest of the family including my father against me. She stepped into the role of my mother when she died.

[@rdh53]

@@jennw6809 Same here. Sister nearly destroyed my life. I confided in her and never realized that she was using any confidence to undercut relationships, run off romantic interests, sabotage job advancement, damage possessions, stole, attempted to turn family against me. No one believed me until the abuse became obvious when I provided proof of her narcissistic behaviors. Went no contact 3 years ago. Best move I ever made.

[@3075bridget]

@@rdh53Good for you. I walked away from my “family” roughly 40 years ago. I actually have my own life without their deliberate evil in it. ✨

[@sandrab2589]

Yes, yes, yes...all these things happened to me. And while my parents were doing all this lying and back-stabbing, they also claimed to be devout church-going Christians.

[@bryanmiller8604]

They ALWAYS do! My mother brings out the best in abuse, a narcissistic paranoid, fanatical Christian, that would make the Taliban, blush, & & jot down notes from her, on how to use religious psychological warfare on such an effective level to crush the soul.

[@Flinshot1]

Sans church.

[@jamescarrington5521]

Weeeellll, BUT OF COURSE!! That's how "those people" ARE! I haven't been near a church in over 20 years because of my sick mother running her vicious, lying mouth and then her always running and hiding behind her Goddamned religion. And the "Boomers" just can't understand why young Americans today want absolutely NOTHING to do with their hypocritical, organized Christian religion these days!

[@PolinaB.G]

Those are the worst hypocrites on earth. Those are exactly the ones Jesus will say "I never knew you! Depart from me you evildoers!"

[@naturalhealingmexico]

I know exactly this narcs that use religion to mask themselves, the first my malignant narc mother a "devoted" catholic, they think they are spiritual (they have not spirit, but demons in their bodies) by pretending being religious.

[@msbg8385]

My narc mom always tells people i never tell her anything and she knows nothing about my personal life. Its because she entertains herself with my mistakes and uses everything against me. My partner has never even met her. I say its not a privilege to met her.

[@PolinaB.G]

My narc husband never met my narc mother in 22 years we are together! 2 narcs together - No, Thanks! One at a time is more than enough 😅

[@jodizellmer994]

What parents don't understand is if their kids don't confide in them about anything personal, there's a good reason for it.They are either to judgemental, negative, or give advice that benefits them only because everything has to be about them. You would think that would be anybody's first thought as well, especially a parent.

[@N-U989]

Exactly

[@CoachK10190]

My mother hides secrets and weaponizes personal information. And if you confront her about she gaslights and then cuts off communication. She then tells the rest of the family after cutting me off that I’m unstable.

[@Sky-bx9mn]

Oof. Our culture puts such value and legitimizing on meeting the parents and sometimes you just gotta get it through folks' heads that the lack of introduction is a kindness, not an insult.

[@staygreat3611]

They will seek to be validated by anyone who will listen to endless hours of ranting

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

They collect people like trophies even though they can't stand most of them.

[@LavadaEwing]

When I was in my 40s, I was at an anniversary party for my parents. A friend of my parents came up to me and reminded me of how difficult I was as a teenager. He thought this was really humorous. I was absolutely mortified and angry but kept calm. I was not a difficult teenager at all.

[@Anne_Rosevelt]

To that group, you’ll always be a perpetual teenager. I was a good kid too, but I rebelled in high school by embracing punk rock. It shouldn’t have been the end of the world since it was normal teen rebellion, but I’m still paying for breaking the “rules” of the conformist narc family circle by being scapegoated into middle age. To my family and their friends of their generation, I’ll always be a petulant teen, talking back and breaking curfew. 🙄

[@libbysimpson9127]

Oh my. This happened to me at a dinner with my friend’s father who was a minister. He started telling people at the table how I was a less than good influence on my friends??? I said “WHAT?” His daughter retorted Dad! He proceeded to state how I would sneak out, try things that weren’t safe, blah blah blah. I said “Hey! “ who the hell are you talking about?” Certainly not me!” He tried to double down and say oh come on,tell the truth, you’re grown now.” Ok Burt! (Not his real name) here’s the truth. I never cursed, drank, smoked, had relations with a boy,sneaked out of the house or skipped school! These are all things that my friends did, but not me. My friend backed me up against her father and said out of all of her friends I was the most truthful and straight laced. He still insisted not what he had been told??? My Mother tried to destroy me any way she could, because she is mentally ill and jealous. Now I still have my same friends and make and keep friends easily. She has none, she finally showed everyone how insane she was. 57 years of hell from her & now I’m the one who makes sure she is taken care of, but I keep my peace, because she is a demonic entity and I am armed with truth. I’m strong in my faith and trust and it makes her skin crawl when I’m in her presence. She becomes agitated screaming acting nuts accusing me of things. I just sit there and listen to her literally argue with herself. I prayed all my life that her true self would be revealed and boy did she ever show people how wicked she truly is. She is the epitome of a tortured soul.its sad really.

[@WisdomSounds-xo4ws]

At least you got to hear about it AND defend with the Truth! PRAISE JESUS!!!

[@TheREALLibertyOrDeath]

@@Anne_Roseveltunfortunately that doesn’t ever change

[@NomkhosivictoriaKhumalo]

Well I feel for you that's what my mum did telling others how difficult I am so it can take the pressure of her abusive husband .

[@blossom_6]

💯 yup and if people are smart they would understand that no body in their right mind would or should talk like that about their own kid seriously who would do that Narcissists that's who.💯

[@terrancemcclendon456]

Facts narcs need to instigate

[@joey5816]

Mine did. She continued to throw up my past until they all think I'm crazy. I grew up with her, the crazy one. Hopefully she's too old to keep it up. My life with my son and grandkids were ruined many years ago. Soon to be 90, I pray she doesn't talk crap about me anymore. The damage has already been done. I don't trust a single one of my family and shall continue to live my life.

[@Lyrielonwind]

People don't like thinking but gossiping. Why would anyone would want to loose the protection a healthy family can provide?

[@jodizellmer994]

Especially when it's something so outrageous that you yourself have a hard time understanding how anybody could just believe it without asking questions. When they can't find anything about you worth gossiping about, they make it up. It's sad how easily manipulated some people are. You sure find out who your friends really are.

[@Lyrielonwind]

@@jodizellmer994 I think it works like the witch hunts and the bullies at school. Someone points at you with whatever bs and everyone join in happily because it creates a sense of union in a group. Us go lynching them but them is usually one person and gets isolated because getting on their side is dangerous and people are cowards. If someone from outside the group could ask anyone from the lynching mob apart what the victim did to them to deserve the harassment and they were honest they will say: nothing and when asked why they are harassing or bully that person they will answer: because I can. I think this has happened along history many times. Having a scapegoat gives a group cohesion and some common activity to share which gives an identity to the group. It must be some kind of old instinct from when tribes had to get together to hunt and once the prey has been hunted they throw a rite or celebration. From an anthropologist view is documented human sacrifice was a practice around the world in old times. It's been everywhere except from the tribes of north America, maybe because they were nomads and didn't settled in one place for long.

[@lisaharlan618]

My narcissistic birthing unit did this to me. I went no contact with her after my dad passed away. Best decision I ever made.

[@diannecavanaugh]

Birthing unit…nice summary

[@mvbigmagic4048]

Same. Towards the last few months of my dad's life, my mother was doing bizarre things, constantly wanting to go to the bank, and wanted me to give her control over my bank account. Psycho. I understand now she was losing her narcissistic supply of 52 years, and she was panicking. When I refused to give her control over my bank account, she denied me phone contact with my dying (enabler) dad (who by the way accused me of not knowing how to talk with my mom nicely.... LOL! Ugh.). He finally died January 27, 2024 after two years of her hoovering me constantly that he was "not eating anymore." He broke the world's record for survival without food -- two years. No contact. And I blocked her entire family as well, as they are all Cluster B. :( Realizing what she'd done all my life, scares the fuck out of me that I'll become like her. But then, I realized, she's been like that since she was a child -- aunts and uncles told me stories of how she'd steal money from her older sister....... so it's a demon that has inhabited her for 78 years. It ain't leaving. The only thing I could do was protect myself, my poor husband (who patiently waited for me to get a clue), and my kids from her.

[@stevomcsteve9492]

Narcissist birthing unit...lol....

[@Polemic-2525]

My mother was like this she died in 2020, good riddance.

[@timorthelame1]

@marysimon ditto. I just want to say that if you survived having two of them, you're especially a bad ass. Give yourself some extra credit for that and keep healing. You deserve it. Peace!

[@elizabethl6187]

Yes to all… and it’s incredibly rare for anyone to remember that they have only heard one side of the story. That’s not how the flying monkeys work.

[@AnnaD25]

👍

[@flowerchild89]

This is one of the most hurtful, soul crushing things that was done to me by my narcissistic mother and narcissistic brother and sister, pretty much my entire life. And I'm 49. 💔💔 It all started when my mom and sister got me kicked out of our family house in my early 20's. My mom said it was temporary; she lied and never let me back home. I was abandoned and ostracized from that point on. No one from the family, including relatives, have ever asked for my side of the stories that were told (except for my grandmother, who took me in.)

[@ilikeitlikethat7305]

Grandma probably been knew her child was crazy. When I look back my grandma and uncle used to say little things about my mom that as an adult I realized they always knew she was problematic.

[@donnarobbins4316]

My narc mom has told people that she is responsible for all the financial security my husband and I have....a total lie!! She has told people I have abandoned her....I phone her 2-3 times a day.. And visit 1-2 times per week. I was with my dad everyday for weeks before his death. She tells others that I showed up the day he died. She has said horrible untrue things about me and my husband. She is an elderly woman, who unfortunately many naive people believe. It is so frustrating.

[@bonitobonita9263]

@@ilikeitlikethat7305but the grandma made the mother like that. Even if she wasn’t the main @buser, she was an enabler. No one born narcissist

[@ilikeitlikethat7305]

@@bonitobonita9263 I wonder how they made. Sometimes I can see a clear pattern of abuse. But other times, some people are born with it as a mental illness I think

[@bonitobonita9263]

@@ilikeitlikethat7305 if you call conditions like severe autism mental illness, yeah sometimes we are born with it. But personality disorders are made by the environment they are brought up. We need to have some potential to develop PDs, but we don’t born with it. This is not my opinion but clinical fact(at least at this moment)

[@LR-yu3mx]

My narc mom kept phoning my best friend of many years, to find out how it went with me and my second husband. On and on. My friend said "It goes wonderful!" But he turned out to be an alcoholic. She must have snuffel some out. One day my friend said to her:"Lady, if you think that I 'll gossip with you about your daughter, you are making a big mistake! And hang up

[@equalityforall5620]

You have agreat friend!

[@margaretcraigva]

Beautiful.

[@VelvetJazz]

I wish my husband had said that when my mother went after him.

[@robertanna9964]

I went to visit my Dad's best freind suffering from Alzheimers. He didn't recognize me but when I mentioned my name, his response was- "That guy is no good. I know that because his father's been telling me for years" Everything makes sense now.

[@Hexane88]

That's excruciating. I'm sorry you had to go through that

[@felicia6497]

Trust me I feel your pain. Its hurtful. Weirdest thing when u can't figure out why they spend the time bad mouthing u to everyone.

[@maryd253]

Absolutely hurtful

[@kameshiam1674]

I know what you mean. I have a degree, bought a house, never been on drugs, never arrested, never been pregnant, never yelled at them, but still I'm crazy and I'm the worst.

[@JohnTheRevelator11]

I’m so sorry you had to experience this. That sounds so overwhelming

[@lore6370]

My mother did this to me, I lost family, friends, she even controlled how doctors and psychiatrists treated me (as an adult!), she tried with my therapist but thankfully she realised and stopped her. She used to call my partner's mum crying to tell her that she was scared I was gonna off myself (lies). Now I can't trust people, everyone is so easy to manipulate, and they believe these lies so easily.

[@TiredwTwins]

This was one of the hardest things about my mother’s intense hostility toward me. The way she told anyone who would listen that I was a desructive force. But a lady I church told me she believed my problems with my mother were not my fault. That was a relief to hear from an adult I trusted

[@cheekytitaable]

🤗 funny story to make you laugh, hopefully: My mom took me to a convent with priests to perform an exorcism on me bc I was a bad child. At age 15 or so. When we met with everyone the head of the convent and a few nuns told my mom that I wasn’t the problem. She was !! I felt so vindicated and relieved. The look on my mom’s face was hilarious, I wish I could convey it! 🤣 So I feel you

[@shihtzuluvrtwo6386]

When my father in law was diagnosed with Parkinson's, my husbands family expected him to drop everything to take care of him. We had just opened a business we couldn't just drop it after investing our money in it! His mother was in denial and nasty, his brothers wouldn't even look, speak to their father, did nothing to help. I would provide meals for them a few times a week and the queen bee complained about it! Since he passed and the queen bee's health/mobility are failing, we are expected to clean house etc. We are not, his oldest brother (67) still lives with her for free, his entire adult life, he owes her, we do not! My character has been attacked on sooooo many levels, its unreal. The no contact works in our best interest.

[@jillwhiting919]

No contact is the only way

[@Groovygal2026]

My mom was 42 when she had me and twin….with ivf….after 7 miscarriages. By the time I was 18, I knew there was something wrong with my mom but she always said there’s nothing she’s fine. Extremely healthy and “will live forever”. But see my mom was already diagnosed and getting treated for Parkinson’s. She was diagnosed with late stage Parkinson’s when I was 18 bc she didn’t want cps to take her retirement plan and indentured servants/caretakers. I later learned she actually has the gene for juvenile Parkinson’s…which starts before age 21. So now it makes sense that’s why she was like absolutely trying to have kids like a mad woman. She literally only stayed with my dad until she got kids then left. It was like that was all she wanted. She lied and told me and twin we had a college fund and enough for a 4 years degree. She repeatedly told us that the money was on the way and to take out loans meanwhile. Eventually a few times a year she would scrounge up enough from her 401k and she made sure to let us know it was our fault she’d have to retirement now. I felt guilty and confused. She had told me before taking this financial obligation on that it wouldn’t be an issue. But now it seems there is no college fund. I was forced to watched crucial classes to progress in my degree fill up while unable to pay financial holds on my account. After 3 semesters I finally got her to admit I never had a college fund. And ofc then student loan payments were due bc I was full time anymore but I didn’t have a degree either. My dad had gotten us a car, but he wasn’t really in the picture bc she would not let him. In fact I found out the court actually found her in violation of the parenting agreement and that she was in fact alienating my father from us and abusing the court system with false claims. So he got us a car and my mom wouldn’t let either me or my twin take it college. She told us she’d drive it so it wouldn’t rust but she didn’t. And it rusted, and she wouldn’t put anything into fixing it. Instead of we wanted access to a car, we had to drive her to and from work. She refuses to pick a schedule and is constantly asking her boss to switch it so we can’t never have a set availability to get our own jobs. She was still getting behind th wheel. Unfortunately she wasn’t honest with me and my twin or her doctor. But after a stay in the hospital her nurse was shocked to find out she was still driving, and looked me in the eyes and told me she can’t do that anymore. Which I understand she could kill someone. Now I have to go to store, drive her to work, drive her to the doctor. I’m 23. And all she does is shit talk me to my family so that they never help me get out, and she’ll always have an indentured servant.

[@BlackSheep380]

@@jillwhiting919 Yep I had to sacrifice my inheritance as well.

[@yvonne3903]

​@@Groovygal2026she could get a taxi, your not a taxi service.

[@mvbigmagic4048]

@@Groovygal2026 Your mother was a liar and a future-faker. My mother the same. It's so hard for people to believe that a mom can do these things to their child. Anyone who survives these types of moms (like YOU!) has some major fortitude. They are constantly sabotaging their own children.

[@smustipher]

According to my narc parent: I "dropped out" of college because I was "crazy and on drugs" (they did not pay my tuition as promised). It took me a few years to get myself financially sorted out to go back and meanwhile I never said a word to the family about their failure to pay as I did not want to embarrass them - only to discover later that they were dragging my name through the mud the whole time. 20 odd uears later, after they refused to bring one of my siblings to their home following their discahrge from the hospital/recovery from a long term illness (a plan they INSISTED on because "I couldn't handle looking after them"), I got blamed for "manipulating the situation to financially exploit" said sibling - even though this was the same person asking me to ask their employer to send them paychecks for safekeeping and I ended up spending 80K in a year for the siblings care. So I am crazy and a theif. Oh well.

[@s.tiaira9081]

I’m sorry that happened. I’m apparently “ crazy” and “on drugs” too

[@flowerchild89]

I'm so sorry 😞😞

[@kiwiconnection3580]

Oh God. This sounds like my family 😂. I laugh but it's no laughing matter. I'm a gay junkie narcissist who chases everyone's woman and my son isn't mine even after the DNA test. The b.s. doesn't even match up... but truth and reality is but a pesky inconvenience. 😅

[@elizabethl6187]

My dad, the recovering addict, told everyone in the family (behind my back) that I was on drugs 😅

[@kiwiconnection3580]

@@elizabethl6187 projection much 🤣👌

[@victoriao1828]

You just described my mother completely

[@billstewart1747]

Jerry!! I will watch this over and over today! You nailed my extended family situation, …….. 83 narc mom 😬

[@keithstewart7514]

Unfortunately my healthy Narc MoMster is only a mere 86.... These people (MAYBE Human) live far longer & BETR than THEIR VICTIMS!

[@miladydewinter8551]

Defamation lies and evil fantasies

[@jemmajames6719]

I was abused by my parents, my extended family thought of me as slightly odd with some of their comments made, this has made me wonder if my mother set me up.

[@VelvetJazz]

YEP. Ditto here.

[@TradeforpeaceMoney]

Narcissist parents are a different t kind of evil.

[@dakoderii4221]

My dad drinks like a fish. I don't drink at all. Guess who is the "alcoholic"?

[@brendamoon2660]

My mom recently asked me " are you still drinking a whole bunch of wine?" I never have. I guarantee either a relative or a friend of hers was at her house to hear this conversation

[@MONEYAINTATHANG100]

projection, dangerous

[@dakoderii4221]

@@brendamoon2660 Oh yeah. That's the kind of questions they ask in front of people. Doesn't have to be remotely true. The seed has been planted or if they already planted one, they are watering it.

[@trunkmonkee1971]

​@@brendamoon2660 Phrased in a yes or no context to boot. Wow!

[@brendamoon2660]

@trunkmonkee1971 Right! Lol no matter which way I answer, I'm supporting the accusation behind that carefully crafted question.

[@callmeishmaelk767]

As soon as you get a bad gut feeling, just write them off. Dealing with them after that point just turns into this psychoanalyzing, mostly of yourself and the situation. The real problem is parents that groom you to keep putting up with this bullshit.

[@JustMe-qq3rc]

So very true.

[@conservativemike3768]

I had a parent like this. EVERYTHING was a poisonous power play.

[@LR-yu3mx]

Correct. They believe them. They are so sly to twiste the truth so that you are the bad one

[@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh]

Wow…between my mother and ex “best friend” I have seen SO much of this. Makes me angry listening and thinking about all they put me through.

[@SusanLlewellyn-pp2xn]

Conversely, the Nparent will tell you that a certain person said something negative about you. They didn't. 😢

[@deemaysie6568]

Yessss, when my mother didn't want me to wear something I liked or wanted to manipulate for whatever crazy reason, she would tell me that "all her friends said that I always dress so terribly and look so awful ... or something along those lines". What normal person would risk their friendship by tearing a friend's child down over superficial things? All SUCH lies .... but I always knew that the friends weren't the problem, it was the devil within!!!

[@GLeon-ov9yu]

My abusive narcissistic mother turned other family members against me through LIES! Unfortunately they believed her.

[@jerrywise]

The family enmeshment kept them from thinking for themselves (yet they mistakenly believe they are thinking for themselves) program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

[@Joelswinger34]

I think they find it easier to believe the narc. Standing up to them would be more work, and they are selfish and uncaring just like the narc.

[@Joelswinger34]

​@@jerrywiseI don't think people can be "kept from" thinking for themselves. It's a choice.

[@ChristopherMHeaps]

@@Joelswinger34No, people are easily manipulated. Wake up bro.

[@Ndamulelo888]

Ladies and gentlemen, the flying monkeys secretly hates the narcissist and secretly admire you. It’s just that they won’t admit it or show you on the outside. Why? Because they fear that if they stood up for you, they will eventually disappoints the narcissist and they don’t want the narcissist to turn against them. So basically they are using the scapegoat a shield to protect themselves from the main narcissist. 😅

[@AnnAndNala]

Wow, you describe exactly how it was for me with my narc parent. As the family scapegoat, my narc "mother" would tell my aunts and uncles how "terrible" I was. (She'd even call my employers and tell them how horrible she thought that I was). And at the same time, she would speak about my "golden child" sister like she was a god or something, even though she was an absolute abusive terror. Nothing was sacred, everything personal about me was spread like wildfire and embellished from her. So I distanced myself from my relatives, which is a very large family, but I got so tired of being made out to be a terrible person from all of her lies. And of course the distancing made me look worse in their eyes, but it was better than putting up with it. I've now been no-contact for over five years from all of them. Thank goodness. My trauma therapy is helping me to navigate through undoing all of the terrible things in my head planted by her. It's a journey that I'm glad to be on. 🙏🦋

[@cwells7285]

jesus christ, jerry nails this. its like he knows my goddamned horrible relatives

[@1RUTHGroup]

So sad. What kind of hurt heart NEEDS others to hate their own child? Thanks for your valuable information!

[@laurakhaydon]

One that wants to discredit their child so that if they ever reveal the abuse, nobody will believe them

[@dark7angel456]

Trying to sabotage my happiness and distort who I am and always trying to destroy my character because of envy and they don't stop and the power manipulated a lot of people against me

[@CS-yz2qk]

You just described my mother! I've pushed back for years against this but to no avail. The kicker is that she prides herself on being a "good christian". A true follower of Christ wouldn't perpetuate this behavior for years.

[@brendamoon2660]

Narcissists always think they have a special pass to gossip and slander.

[@bettylougreen6987]

My parents used the idea of a prayer concern to speak badly about me. Please pray for her, she’s lost…. I get it. Mixing religion and abuse is difficult too.

[@TheREALLibertyOrDeath]

@@bettylougreen6987HYPOCRITES!

[@mrspat4409]

YES TRUE. BECAUSE NARCISSISTIC ARE ACTUALLY DEMONS.. I HAVE EXPERIENCED EVERYTHING HE HAS SAID.. SHE EVEN HAD PEOPLE WANTING TO FIGHT ME BECAUSE OF THINGS SHE HAS SAID.. NOW IAM DEALING WITH FLYING MONKEYS.. ITS A NITE MARE.. IAM A CHRISTIAN WHO. HAS BEEN DEALING WITH THIS SINCE CHILDHOOD..IAM NO CONTACT. SHE IS 99YEARS OLD AND STILL IS A DEMON..

[@Giantfloatingballoonhead]

how come most of them are religious christians? mine is super religious - i'm talking praying for hours in the middle of the night, going to church religiously, and even pastoring people (those poor souls) .

[@Joelswinger34]

Their victims are also likely to have addictions because of the abuse and neglect.

[@darinsmith2458]

You might answer this in this video but I want to say it while I remember.. Part of it for me is the shock of how gullible the people are that believe their lies.. The flying monkies..

[@jerrywise]

Most people think with their emotional process not their thinking process. I call it feel-think. That's why. program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

[@darinsmith2458]

@@jerrywise So they aren't really thinking.. They are just feeling... Always good stuff..

[@lost.laurel]

​@@darinsmith2458 the feeling is why the logical inconsistencies don't matter to them.

[@darinsmith2458]

@@lost.laurel it is probably logical to them..

[@DavA-DM]

My narcissistic mother certainly did these things. I learnt about them over a number of years from my father. Unlike my mother, he would tell me things and leave what I did with this as I wanted. (Or didn't want.) The one thing my mother did was talking to others in the family about me. Her favorite word was 'irresponsible', but frankly I knew this for many years. However, the abuse merely continued, and that was where I refused the game. The narcissist never change.

[@josiah5776]

Truth ... they won't accept reality if you tell them how what they do makes you feel and the possible consequences. When I drew a line in the sand with my covert narc mother she went off the scales with her nastiness and vindictiveness. She attacked me in every possible way. All personal attacks. Most of them 100% fictitious. The rest with only tenuous links to any truth. None of them related to what I had told her. She then smeared me to everyone and anyone we both knew. That was it. She was out of my life entirely. I didn't even know she had died until over a year after the fact. All I felt was relief.

[@pamelahawn9300]

My CN mom refused to follow my boundaries. The first boundary was to not tell me why I couldn't succeed in my projects. I told her several times. I then gray rocked her for well over a year and hadn't spoken to her well over 1 year. My 1/2 brother, who she adopted out at the age of 2, died, and She was all over getting his estate, even though he had been adopted out by her, he had NO HEIRS BESIDES me and his half siblings. ( HER CHILDREN) I helped her to get the paperwork done. (After her playing dumb, I realized She knew all about it, having worked for a county TREASURY.) DURING THE RIDE TO the county, she said to me." Me and my " Golden Child" are going to go and strip the valuable items and throw the rest away." (She had not revealed to anyone locally that he was her son!) I felt like she was trying to ERASE Him. I protested that. I told her that was wrong. She tried to "butter me up" by telling me all the attributes I had to get me to cooperate with her. I told her You do not know ANYTHING about me." He'd lived in my town for over 15 years. She did get the rights to his estate! He lived in my town, and I said I'd help her to clean out his apartment. (He rented from the small town I live in) It was known he had quit a gun collection. It was worth around $10,000. From the gossip around town, I heard he had a friend come and take it. I told her "flying monkey" ( my son), the guns were gone! Immediately, She no longer had ANY interest. So, I hired people to help me. I gave things to his friends and paid over $1,000. to finish. She had alluded to the fact my whole adult life that she'd adopted him out when he was born. She revealed that he was actually 2+ YO. She harassed him when he first moved here. She lied about everything to his half siblings, turning her current family against him. I did try being a true sister to him until we had a misunderstanding. He, being a Narcissist also, turned against me about 5 years before he died. He refused to talk to me about it. I realized after he died that She KEPT HIM FOR THE 2 YEARS. I COULD THEN SEE WHY HE WAS SO HURT! ( Abandonment issues.) I cried for over a year. Being the oldest child, I had many memories of "HER LIES and HALF TRUTHS." She turned my half siblings away from me, reporting things that I never said. (She told my 1/2 SISTER I WAS TELLING EVERYONE I SAID SHE WAS A CHILD MOLESTER!) My NC mom was lazy, she hated my DAD, anI looked exactly like him. I was a Cinderella my whole life. My life really unfolded when I went to a therapist. My therapist spent most of the time listening to me. She declared my mom was "Evil." I cut her out completely after that. I especially miss my 1/2 sister. I had esentially raised my 1/2 siblings from the day they were born. I was their Mom, really. However, I am much more mentally stable. I am off several drugs. I am 70 now. I didn't realize my CN mom was a narcissist until I was 64. The hardest part for me was seeing all the losses that I had because of her hateful rearing of me! She kicked me out of the house at 17, my senior year in HS, for no reason at all.

[@josiah5776]

@@pamelahawn9300 I’m sorry you endured all that garbage. It still boggles my mind how insanely nasty, cruel and selfish narc parents can be to their own children. I didn’t learn what mine were until age 55. So many wasted years, but at least I have peace now.

[@pamelahawn9300]

@josiah5776 Yes, that makes it all worth it to me! I am still working on the personal habits I used to survive. I have trust issues and one of my goals is to make healthy friends. I am trying. I am setting boundaries. A new friend, who I trusted, is stealing from me. So, now I am dealing with that. SO HARD!

[@josiah5776]

@@pamelahawn9300 I understand. The trust thing is so difficult to overcome. I have a psychologist friend who gave me a Big-5 personality inventory. He remarked, "Wow, I have never seen someone score zero on trust. You are so far beyond fearing betrayal that you have come to expect it as an inevitable occurrence, like the sun coming up in the morning."

[@lindabell6954]

Yes, they purchase enablers! And they love to tell everyone about it!

[@ccharles848]

This one was difficult for me to listen to because it’s very triggering. Totally my mom. Her mom did the same thing. 😞

[@sharonhainesNumber1Red]

My grandmother held Inheritance over my head for over 50 years, and then yanked it away from me. She gave her whole Ranch, cattle and all, to my sister, and left me nothing.

[@ponytail911]

Typical narc move. Happened to me too.

[@sharonhainesNumber1Red]

@@ponytail911 I’m so sorry 😢

[@annthomson5648]

I'm sorry

[@sharonhainesNumber1Red]

@@annthomson5648 Thank you 😊 ❤️

[@Rosie82333]

I already know I’m out of the will… lol and they can keep it ALL. I don’t care.

[@alicecoppers8980]

My dad told the entire family I was arrested and did time, so they wont talk to me and find out about the severe abuse I endured.

[@rondelpertillar5795]

Demons have inhabited their bodies.its no longer your parent.its a spiritual side to narrsasitic parents. The devil uses those close to us

[@ChristopherMHeaps]

No. This is science. Go back to the third century.

[@BlackSheep380]

@@ChristopherMHeaps You are very wrong. It IS spiritual warfare!

[@katherineirvin7464]

Demons get in through Agreements, Legalities, and generational trauma that can reach back to ancestors sins which created spiritual contracts. Unforgiveness also open doors to "the Tormentors" which are demons. People don't like it, but it is truth.

[@divinelove4604]

Some of those parents were created or tampered with by the devil. We are not all from the same soul family. That is evident on how long the devil has been at war with us.

[@1RUTHGroup]

Read your bible, please. It is Most Definitely spiritual. No loving parent would knowingly inflict this type of pain on their own flesh and blood.

[@catherineharber6514]

You described the story of my life ✨💫. I’ve been estranged from my nuclear family for 10 years… and living the good life. When my dad contacted me out of the blue a few months ago and tried to make me jealous of my siblings I felt sick to my stomach. A stark reminder why I severed ties to begin with. I told my dad: I’m not interested in communication, but I wish him and the family the best. I didn’t even cry, or feel the severe depression I used to. This time, I felt somewhat disappointed, but not the least bit surprised 😎.

[@emme6910]

My narc mom, is a slum Lord, she rented to drug dealers, prostitutes , gang bangers anyone to get money. The home owners on a street where I moved into one of her slums, thae neighbors came to me and told me that she said that "I" owned that building. They were going to get together to sue her for devaluing their properties. To get out of it. She threw me under the bus. " Oh, I don't own this building, I'm just managing for my daughter who lives is Arizona"! A total complete LIE to get out of getting sued! I Was NEVER a signer on the deed for the building. Pure freaking EVIL.

[@mvbigmagic4048]

Narcissist = would throw their kid under the bus to save themselves. And yet, people say we should "honor" them. Your mom LIED. She broke at least one Commandment there, and I'm positive she's broken many others. No point in "honoring" parents like that. My mother is the same way, and all her narc-y relatives expect me to bow down to her too. NOPE. I don't "honor" liars. I hope you are away from your mom...... she will bring you down otherwise.

[@stepanx1937]

My mother did not tell me about family gatherings, and told my relatives that I was not able to come because of work

[@amandaamadori7756]

YES mine too

[@Amylyn..]

Wow are you speaking to me again??? 😊 Did you meet my mother?

[@mr.F.Castle]

Its like they all have the same narc manual isn't it.

[@anngoldberg7857]

I didn't realize how many (I thought loved me) I would lose when my narc father died. 52, just figuring out my shit.

[@josiah5776]

Same. Both my parents were narcs, but my covert narc mother did by far the most damage. When I finally called her on her BS, she turned the entire 50+ extended family against me ... even my own son and his wife. She use inheritance (switched from me to my son) very effectively. Who knew that my own son was so materialistic that he'd sell out his own father for a few hundred thousand. He is dead to me now. All mutual friends we had also disappeared. It was a bitter pill, but I have come to see it as a litmus test of who to keep in my life. I am hard pressed to think of a more cruel, deceitful, manipulative and evil person than my mother was.

[@anngoldberg7857]

@@josiah5776 I feel you.

[@keithstewart7514]

There's No Low a Narc CAN'T hold THEIR head high & still go Lower!

[@carlt6932]

​@@josiah5776You can contest the will.

[@angiep8605]

How about when it's siblings who do all of this to turn parents against you?

[@blossom_6]

The parent's should know better to be able to see the truth if not then I would walk away from the sibling and parent's because people who care about you and know you would see right through the BS.

[@gardenswell]

root cause is always unfortunately parents. they turned my brother against me, now he scapegoats me too. something i wish teachers would talk about more is the fallen golden child. i had to conform to them because they were too abusive, oldest sister parentified, then when i tried to escape them they triangulated my brother, and loads of other people really, against me. now stuck back living with them while they drain everything from me and act like it's my fault. my brother too. it's horrible.

[@monicaperez2843]

This happened to me. My older brothers (I have no sisters) not only told lies about me to my parents, but also to the neighborhood kids and classmates, both as children and as adults. My youngest brother's son called him on it, and it resulted in a fistfight, with my brother throwing the first punch.

[@blossom_6]

@@gardenswell same here all 3 of my siblings are against me and mistreat me but I just keep my distance. Send them love from a far and hope one day they see the truth. ❤

[@lorrainesawday4959]

How about Narc children turning siblings against a parent, who was 'left for dead' after a divorce because 'father' had more to offer. For example a 600 acre farm with Manor House and five holiday cottages and he married their pub job 'boss?

[@shewho333]

What should be pointed out to parents saying these lies about their children is “who raised them?”. If the people hearing this nonsense don’t stop to question why a mother would be so quick to say that her own child is so horrible without feeling some sense of personal responsibility, those people never really loved or knew you either. I didn’t find out until my mom was gone how much she lied about me, but people did tell me what she said and most of them clearly distanced themselves from her after she started her campaign. Some family members said she started when I was only ten years old and they knew how wrong it was but they were afraid of losing touch with me so they never confronted her.

[@leekrista2158]

I almost asked mine the other day..If I'm such an awful person doesn't it fall on you?

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

I had a family member who told me the same thing. So sorry.❤

[@Jae-by3hf]

I’m so sorry this happened to you, it happened to me too 😔💔 I always see people complaining about their narc children under these videos and my question is always: who raised them?! They think they are so smart playing victim to circumstances they created by being the narc or the enabler of one!

[@josiah5776]

All these dynamics were present in my life. Both my parents were narcs, but my covert narc mother did by far the most damage. When I finally called her on her BS, she turned the entire 50+ extended family against me ... even my own son and his wife. She use inheritance (switched from me to my son) very effectively. Who knew that my own son was so materialistic that he'd sell out his own father for a few hundred thousand. He also assisted others (including my mother) to have me falsely accused of a crime I did not commit. The charges were dismissed. He is dead to me now. All mutual friends we (mother and son) had also disappeared. It was a bitter pill, but I have come to see it as a litmus test of who to keep in my life. I don't care if these people truly believe what she told them. Their actions harmed me and I don't want them in my life again. I am hard pressed to think of a more cruel, deceitful, manipulative and evil person than my mother was.

[@elizabethtowers3321]

You have hit on many things I've had to deal with. The whole family getting together and then the conversation turns to my life. Im not there but I know when this has happened; I can tell by the comments that are made to me during the next phone call. You are absolutely right, keep information about ourselves to a minimal. Anything can be used against me, absolutely anything. It doesn't work anymore. It may get a delayed reaction out of me when the N. cannot see or hear but then I get the reaction under control and recognize it for what it is. I wish I had this knowledge decades ago.

[@Bithiah71]

Thank you for breaking down and dissolving the myth of the Family's Black Sheep. The issue was that narcissistic parent all along.

[@N-U989]

💜

[@amberinthemist7912]

In 8th grade my mother went crazy forcing me to go to mormon church almost everyday. Forcing me to complete this workbook where one thing I'd have to do is constantly story board about my future husband. They also told me I'd have to be a fully submissive slave with no possibility of divorce. I said no thanks I'll stay single with no kids. I wasn't even refusing to go to church. Just not engage in their random obsession with becoming wife material (ie bangmaid). I ended up running away because she was getting violent. No one would help me. Hundreds of mormons we went to church with and not one would take me in becaus she said I was a druggie whore, at 13. I'd never done anything like that. I wasn't even refusing church or saying it wasn't true just that I'd rather stay single and celibate for life. There is nothing worse than a covert narc mormon woman. They will ruin your life and everyone will feel sorry for the trouble you caused them by forcing them to ruin you.

[@Starseedtarot123]

I hear you

[@audreyandrea460]

You’re a good person. Stay strong, you’ve got this!

[@Holly-d1n]

I hope you are healing from the spiritual abuse. I'm sorry to hear your pain. I'm gonna guess this was horrifying. At 13 you were more healthy and responsible then the adults.

[@amberinthemist7912]

Thank you all for your kind words. I am thankfully healed and doing well. I've gone on to have pretty consistently positive relationships with everyone in my life except my immediate family, further confirming how much of the dysfunction had nothing to do with me.

[@3-DtimeCosmology]

I had the Catholic version of the same sort of reta&#.

[@LeslieHeartsIL]

This happened to me for decades. I didnt clue in until I started learning about scapegoating and there was a family mobbing. I was forced to face the abuse and go no contact. Best thing I ever did. I was 57 when I discarded the whole nasty cabal.

[@leanne123]

Wow. I'm about to do the same. Mother 93 and brother two years younger than me. They were converted into narcs by the stepfather. He brought out the worst in both of them. They see the world from the narc perspective. Fearful and angry. Hateful. Now they have turned on me. I guess I should not be surprised. I need legal counsel. 😢😡😢

[@TheREALLibertyOrDeath]

Same at 37

[@drsarita-questioneverythin3194]

This is so prevalent…since earliest memories alienating caring but imperfect family members and thought this was normal …as a victim of scapegoating from my family of origin and then later parental alienation you are left with this enormous self doubt …I am not perfect …but I’m worthwhile… thank you Jerry

[@jh9391]

Promise of inheritance? What's that? Why would parents leave anything to the kid? Not my parents.

[@TheREALLibertyOrDeath]

A parent’s assets/life accomplishments are divided up long before they die

[@nadineelizabeth195]

I only just opened to my eyes to the fact my mother is also a narcissist but a covert narcissist i thought it was only my dad

[@ChristopherMHeaps]

Same.

[@aingealblue3035]

Me too! My covert narc mother was ALWAYS playing the victim - I thought narc father was so mean, so uncaring and self involved (total narc) but she was a real sh*t too. When he was running late for work, as soon as he pulled out of the driveway she’d call the office and ask for narc father so the boss would know he wasn’t there and get him into trouble. She pit us kids against each other (still does) and would sit back to watch the fireworks - watch us argue/fight amongst ourselves - like we were her entertainment. Narc mother is an old collapsing narcissist now and it’s really sad and pathetic but I have compassion for her - from far away - I know what she is capable of. My brother no longer invites her (or anyone) over for Christmas because of her antics. He takes the family on vacation at Christmastime now. This enrages narc mother… I LOVE Christmas and last Christmas Narcm made plans with me only to cancel late on Christmas Eve so it was too late for me to make other plans. Maybe I’m petty but I think she did it on purpose to ruin the holiday for me.(yes, I’m still stinging from that one and it’s March already….. will be making holiday plans solo from now on). I don’t know why I care, it should be a relief not to deal with her dramatics and complaining not to mention the energy drain effect she has on me 😢

[@NomkhosivictoriaKhumalo]

Yep same for me as well.

[@nadineelizabeth195]

@@aingealblue3035 I'm sorry to u all

[@agathangenzirabona8339]

Ahhhhh now things make sense to me after listening to this. My mom use to lie about me and when people can’t believe what she says about me then she retaliated towards me such as yelling to me, not talking to me for weeks/months, shames me with guy that I dated years back that didn’t work, telling my younger brother that I will steal his money when I never steal anything in my life. I gonna out of my ways and told people when they ask me what she says that if they can’t believe her or support me they should say nothing.

[@Youalreadyknowthis]

This is my mother, I didn’t realize she had been sabotaging me my entire life. It took me too long to figure her out, by the time I was in therapy she had turned my whole family against me and recently my own adult daughters. My mother is the sneakiest . I hold all of her secrets and she turns people against me somehow. I know she likes to buy people things and she will allow my children to make bad decisions just to go against me. My life is a crazy movie.

[@deemaysie6568]

I'm putting my money on a BPD mom - for sure. They give out gifts galore, mostly things you do not need or want, as payment for the pleasure of brainwashing your kids and stomping on your boundaries!

[@pmc8119]

I remember my Mother talking to my husband on the telephone (thinking I wasn't there) and telling him how much of a problem I was and that I was bitter- the way she did it was just so sickly sweet, it turned my stomach. Of course, he can't be manipulated and through the years, he firmly stands up for me and himself, so, of course HE has a problem now and I'm sure she's told people ALL sorts! I thank God we went no contact a year ago.

[@Ann-le5uf]

Fascinating how a narcissist actually tells on themselves in their attack. You said it early in video, "the reverse is true", the exact thing they accuse you of is what they are doing. Also, I totally relate to the manipulations with " flying monkeys" and using ' information you shared innocently against you. Thank you for your insight and wisdom. It is so incredibly valuable and your way with words is so practical! Nice to have some humor in it too, it's all so pitiful and painful, but healable with knowledge!

[@Lyrielonwind]

Transposition principle is one of the principles of Goebbels' propaganda.

[@jerrywise]

Thank you so much for watching ❤

[@ChristopherMHeaps]

Projection

[@antjestr1047]

Its a good test to see how the other family members really think about and care for you...if they are that easily manipulated and just believe it without questioning it and just turn away from you like that, they can go!!! 🖕🏻

[@twopurringcats]

Yes, this is spot on!! Thank you for bringing this to light. It's so unfair that they play victim and get others to hate..the REAL victim! My narcissistic parents and their delusional, hateful flying monkeys can have eachother. I walk away with my freedom and my life. It's sickening the depths they will stoop to, to slander/dehumanize their innocent targets. My mom threw me under the bus all my life yet wanted total compliance..nope. I refused to be her servant. Always. Boundaries.

[@jerrywise]

👏 👏

[@ChristopherMHeaps]

Same.

[@mikesmith6594]

My father has turned so many people against me it's unreal 😢. He tells so many lies on me too make his self feel better .

[@sage_forensics_2261]

Same

[@VictoryPedalCab]

He hates you because you are better than him, but truly he hates himself for being a pathetic punk ass.

[@candaceharden6794]

I no longer even have the desire to keep people in my life that believe the lies and manipulation and attack me. They can go too honestly. I no longer give af 😒

[@lauren-qb9cf]

sorry to hear that. there's a video about running away intelligently.

[@matc6221]

Sorry to hear that. When I was a teenager, the home was a hellish atmosphere always. I'd go out if my friends weren't around, just to have a break from it. I live in a small town and you know, inevitably I would bump into family members, aunts, uncles and so on and get the same talking to. My mother made them flying monkeys.

[@deidrediane9594]

My malignant narcissist mom not only would turn people against me, she would also steal my friends from me. These were my high school and college friends who were too young to even associate with her. She would talk about me behind my back, and reveal personal information to embarrass me.

[@deemaysie6568]

Yep, mine did the same. I think these are some very common BPD traits.

[@christymartin6281]

Right on target Jerry! My dad just wrote me out of his will because he wanted one of my mom's pieces of artwork I was going to sell to pay my bills. When he sold the house, with a sweep of his arm - "You figure out what to do with your mom's art." My mom's artwork is the only inheritance I will get. He also sent one brother a "nastygram" berating him, after ranting at him what parasites my son and I are. The other brother hasn't spoken to me, so I don't know if he turned him against me too, or if he wrote both brothers off .Other Christian family have sent me cards saying "repent". What a nasty mess... I think I should write a book called "Lies We Tell Ourselves And Others".

[@joannahediger7820]

Write that book!!! I’d love to read it.

[@monkeyrater]

Im not anti-christian, but your story says everything you need to know about what the christian church and christian families have become, just a guilt tripping cult

[@BlackSheep380]

You should send those hypocrites the book called "People of the Lie" by M. Scott Peck

[@joseenoel8093]

'Cause we all need a hobby, demonic to say the least, adults with the mentality of toddlers happiest when you dare not burst their bubbles, think independently from them!

[@mnoxman]

Part of dad's humiliation was to show me off like a Ken doll and say "and for having severe learning disabilities and being such a klutz he is doing pretty well for himself". Been out of my life 30 years but still resides in my head.

[@DesertSessions93]

My family has made me public enemy number 1. I just want a quiet, simple life of my own... But nope.

[@matc6221]

My mother used to relish bad mouthing me to neighbours extended family, and as a young person at the time, my friends parents and even my girlfriends. She did it for 30 years. Never seemed to care I would be told what she said, by some of those people and when confronted by me she would deny it in the most condenseding way. Being late for a family dinner, when I lived at home, rather than keeping it aside, she would tell me it was in the bin. After I left home, when going there for Christmas dinner, if I was late, they would carry on without me or dish it up and leave it covered and go out for a walk. So I could just let myself in, finish it and go. I also became vegetarian in my 20s and she would refuse to make allowances. Saying you can eat turkey just once at Christmas or you can have a plate of vegetables 😂. As you might guess I stopped going over for some awkward meal sat in bitter silence or being talked down to while she gushed about how well my sisters life was going, the (golden child). Jeez.

[@camellia8625]

Whilst I sympathise++ you being unfairly bad mouthed to others by your mother, I can also sympathise with her with regards to the food situation you mention. If someone has gone to a not inconsiderable amount of time and effort to prepare a special meal for you and you show up late, why should they have to either delay the meal for everyone and/or try and keep your food warm.

[@matc6221]

@@camellia8625 I appreciate you sympathising with me about my mother's bad mouthing. However, regarding meals. You are jumping to conclusions without considering the dynamic of my abusive parents. I don't need to justify myself, but there are may reasons why I wasn't always at the table. Firstly the atmosphere and passive aggression from them which made me take my meal and eat in my room as a kid, but only after they'd finished. If she didn't throw it. By that point we never spoke much any way. Also she wasn't keeping it warm. She'd put foil over it for me to re heat. Secondly I had to work on late sometimes and got home to nothing. Regarding Christmas it was only me and my parents not even my nac sister could put up with them for that. My mother would insist for weeks I visit Christmas day and would make hardly any effort when I did. She would give an approximate time and even if I arrived around that time they were finishing their meal or I would bump into them going on a walk as I was walking down the road (they weren't visiting anyone). Sometimes times I was running a bit late, it happens. They weren't having the whole family over like most people do. It was just me and my parents. She never 'went out of her way' as she'd say. And wouldn't make any vegetarian alternatives like most people would if known in advance. So not really going to the effort to make a meal for me, she was just adding a few more vegetables to the meal she was making for her and my father.

[@sanctuary6689]

My grandmother just tells everyone I died of cancer.

[@brendaleverick3655]

I remember my parents doing this to me once. It was weird! One time I was with my parents, and a group of their friends. Suddenly, they all circled me and stared at me silently. It was creepy! I had done nothing to them.

[@Nikforallthesereasons]

Recently my mother who has smear campaigned me forever, told me I have "toxic thoughts that I fully believe to be true, but that aren't true". According to her, she was not telling me I have delusions, even though that is literally the definition of delusions 😂. Apparently theses untrue toxic thoughts that I fully believe to be true, are the case even in instances where a third party will testify that they have given me the information. I told her the only option in those cases, is that the third party is lying, but that she can't accuse me of delusional thoughts, when I didn't create the scenario myself. and others are involved, or witness. At that point, you guessed it, she was done with the ridiculous conversation. Silly me. Being all neurotic again. 😂

[@latteda4652]

My 87 year old mother to a T! Just went no contact the day after Christmas. But now she’s dying and a couple of my kids are telling me that I’ll regret going no contact. After all, she’s old and dying. Oh well. She knew that this day would come. But I know she thought I’d always be there

[@SirenaSpades]

You won't regret it.

[@DawnGreen-wn4hr]

They seem to live forever!

[@atrifle8364]

​@@SirenaSpades- Yes she might

[@atrifle8364]

At most it's only to say goodbye for your own sake. It's not for her.

[@Jae-by3hf]

@@DawnGreen-wn4hrhonestly 😩 they are literal vampires!

[@ggccministry8494]

This is SPOT ONNNN!!!!

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for watching!

[@scottiestricklin9758]

It has been explained to me they were doing the best they could with what they knew. Time to break the training of a dysfunctional family and move on.

[@elegantgiraffe9570]

Before I knew what a piece of slime my narc mother is, I told her a lot of things about me 😟😖. I was weak and just answered whatever she asked. Now I try to keep things from her, but she’s still trying to find out whatever she can. She managed to buy over some people who used to matter to me. It sucks, not because they still matter to me, but it’s draining, because I just want her and flying monkeys to leave me alone.

[@DaisyChain44-d3x]

My toxic SIL uses these tactics to try and turn my own adult sons against me. She has called them up claiming that I'm "holding my husband hostage" when in fact hubby is the one that needed some space from his sister and then he blocked her when she continued to keep calling him. So it's my fault he needs his space from her, when he just wants her to loosen her grip and stop smothering him. Yes, it's all my fault, and that's what she's been telling everyone, sigh ....

[@stevec3892]

My parents put my older sisters and daughter against me

[@leekrista2158]

Believe it or not...especially with your children...they will see things more clearly some say. Then they have to live with the guilt😢

[@Beautiful_Days9249]

As a kid my mother tried embarrassing me telling the neighbor in front of me that I still sucked my thumb at age 11 but it was her and my father's abuse having me self-sooth. My mother took my handicap sister's bridge card and took groceries for her and her new husband years later and I said it was fraud so she alienated my sister from me. I don't trust that I can keep myself safe.

[@kimberlymccracken747]

Mine would act fightened of me and tell me and others she was afraid I was going to kill her. WHAT?!! 🤷‍♀️🤔😳

[@monicacleghorn6649]

Mine too it's horrible

[@TheREALLibertyOrDeath]

Very common part of narcissistic behavior

[@hexabellezarco]

One of the tactics my mom ised against me was my depression. She would tell people I had to take medication and that that made me someone not to be believed. She would tell people the medication messed with my head, making me untrustworthy. Then, when i would counter by saying I hadn't taken them for a while, she would say "obviously not, because you clearly need them", implying that I needed to take them to not be crazy and untrustworthy. So either way, my medication was used against me. If I took them or bot, it didn't matter. She would always be able to twist the narrative to whichever way was convenient for her.

[@mattdecker6791]

My family used my name in a member's obit but never told me about the death. I only found out a month later by chance on the Internet. Then, Golden child sister used this to brand me as selfish and callous--"he didn't even send a card."

[@Darkeyes3259]

I am so sorry. This is my fear when my mom dies. My aunt refused to give me phone access to her when she had a stroke in late 2021, after I had moved states away for a job and with my young family. Hang in there

[@LavadaEwing]

Another horrible situation is when my narc sibling sent my nephew to spy on my husband’# social media to find dirt on me and my husband. This was due to me asserting myself calmly and respectfully to counter my sibling’s abusive gossiping.

[@moonchildpink5525]

It's gross how distorted their behavior becomes when we stick up for ourselves. And involving her Son, your newphew to do the "dirty work" shows what a sad excuse for a parents she is too! I experienced something similar & my sister directed her son, my newphew to steal my phone out of my purse. It was so gross! 😊

[@tamarathejudeochristianmedium]

Be forewarned that if you don’t engage in the drama, they might just straight up tell you and others that you reacted the way they wanted you to react. This is the most brutal, because they show that you’re just playing a role in a play they created and it doesn’t even matter what you say or do. Others believe them too cause the reaction they say you had is an expected reaction, especially with the narrative they’ve created 💙🙏🏻💙

[@theveganmenu8571]

I can say a lot about this subject. Just remember when they do this they are stalkers.

[@naturalhealingmexico]

Please say it, i have a theory, that this stalking it's spiritual, narcs are demons of flesh, not possessed, but a kind of species different than us humans (empaths),

[@theveganmenu8571]

@@naturalhealingmexico Actual stalking exists big time listen to Jerry stating he has had people where others went to their work. I'm talking about stalking in this instance that has to do with dividing and conquering but I think this has already been said. They will divide the people that are near you and you from them. It's an easier way for them to target you for whatever reason, most of the time I think it's for evil reasons, and a few times I think they have way to much time on their hands. Some of it it's also to get attention. Say 2 siblings are mad at each other who will they go to most likely to socialize? To the parents the ones who divided them. With the flying monkeys nobody really has 100 percent good social manners. Talk to them once. Show them how wrong they are in their actions. If they don't stop in joining in the bullying move on. Of what I see one reason on why narcissism exists has to do with war as well. Now when there's war the infrastructure falls. It takes time to rebuild. If the kids of that country saw war as kids, when the war ends you will have adults running around with only a sixth grade education. There's the immaturity part. Everything is a stage in life. If you don't accomplish that stage one is not moving forward. Illiteracy plays a role in this. They resent you having a good life when they didn't. Let's go to the part where parents demand respect. Whoever raised you that demand of respect comes from the time period they came from. Think of the old world thinking how were they were. No one in that time period would ever go against the parents, grandparents etc etc. They can't get out of that mindset. Save yourself. Don't worry about them meaning a sense of justice you will never see. Of all the narcissists I've ever seen are suicidal. And they will try to make you commit suicide. They like that. You need to be careful everyone cause they want to see what they want to see and they have no conscience.

[@naturalhealingmexico]

Thanks so much for your answer, i totally agree with you, thanks for ensure many thoughts i have.

[@BrookePerrin-f9t]

It’s true. If not filled with the Holy Spirit they are filled with other spirits. Check out Shannon Savoy with Narc Free living. She gives a biblical perspective of these narcs that is just what you’re saying

[@GullerudGallery]

And of course, this is true with other narcissists, too. (Social, fake friends, coworkers etc.)

[@lisaW.8816]

Thank you for this video. Here's what I'm trying to figure out. My narcissistic parents slander me to extended family. I do not defend myself to the extended family because it would involve telling family 'secrets' like that one parent is a narcissistic registered sex offender, which the extended family does not know. What's the optimal line/stance between not getting in the mud/not defending myself to extended family v. defending myself to extended family, who have heard scapegoating and slander? I am questioning that I say nothing and do not defend myself with extended family - who have a bias for the parents. I would like to have extended family, too.

[@dakoderii4221]

I dropped a nuke. I let it all out. Family was stunned into silence. Nothing to say. Nothing they could defend. Now my dad is slowly rotting away in a pile of contempt, envy, and hatred. Everyone sees just how dangerous he is. Problem is, he destroyed everything along the way. I call my dad "chaos and destruction" and "the destroyer". They loved to not hear my side of the story and say "Listen to your dad. Stop upsetting your dad." SO I let them know what he says that I should listen to. Things like slandering their names in public and calling me the most vile things since I was 9-10 years old. I fill in the last part of "listen to your dad" with "you little f****** c*m stain on the couch", just like my dad says! Really tough to justify saying something that filthy to a young child. Even harder to say that's what a "great father" would say.

[@jerrywise]

program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

[@leanne123]

I'm sorry but they will not believe you. I've tried and been very surprised and disappointed in my extended family. They stood by the abuser.

[@ChristopherMHeaps]

Just get the court documents and mail them anonymously.

[@nancyadams9228]

I am 69. My elderly aunt who lives 200 miles away forbids me go out after dark and will call the police for a welfare check if she “catches me” out in the evening. My door has been smashed in multiple times. She has called my supervisor and told him that I will be late for work (I am a teacher) because I am not allowed after dark. Local police had her on “the nut list” for a while, but have informed me that they can no longer ignore her calls. They said that they will charge her for false swearing. This is one of a myriad of incidents passive aggressive abuse that include disrupting my son’s wedding because I wouldn’t uninvite guests who lacked college degrees, stole my car when she has been legally blind for over 20 years (still driving because her docs don’t know anything)… obviously she lives in my head. I could write a book. Her flying monkeys harass me because I have developed some boundaries for her abuse.

[@nrolevol2]

Yep. My dad constantly cancels plans with me and my kids and almost never replies to texts or calls me back. When we do meet, he acts bored with me and insults me and my family. Then he goes to his newest wife and tells her his kids are alienating him from his grandkids and how horrible his kids are and how ungrateful we are and has her attacking us because he's the "poor victim" who can't fight his own battles. I have no idea what he stands to gain except maybe getting his wife to do his dirty work for him and take care of him while he plays the 'victim.'

[@tiffanyandtheshihtsu]

Thank you Jerry😊 With a Holiday coming up this Sunday, this information is so appreciated ❤

[@binopetersen]

My stepmother does that still... but real freinds of mine, see through her bs 😂