Narcissistic Parents: Why they Hate The EMPATH

In this video, I discuss why narcissistic parents and family members despise the empath in the family.
Learning about this will help you release feelings of self-blame and self-hate, taking a significant step forward toward your self-differentiation.
If you're finally ready to get your dysfunctional, narcissistic family out of you and enjoy a life free of their toxic grip, here's how I can help👇🏼
🔥Access my FREE Training - ‘Build the Self You Were Never Allowed to Have!’ jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webina...
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🌐 More free resources available on my website: www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
➡️ Recommended Playlists: Outgrowing Dysfunctional Family Patterns - • Outgrowing Narcissisti... Break Free from Narcissistic Parents & Families - • Breaking Free from Nar... Adult Children of Alcoholics: Heal & Change the Pattern - • Alcoholic Narcissistic...
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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 1000s of people in the same situation as you. As a family and self-differentiation coach, he uses his 45 years of experience to help clients get permanently unstuck from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a true sense of self.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to serve as a substitute for professional counseling. Be sure to consult a professional to help you integrate and utilize these concepts.
🔥Access my FREE Training - ‘Build the Self You Were Never Allowed to Have!’ jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webina...

[@jerrywise]

Get your narcissistic dysfunctional family OUT OF YOU with my ‘Family Differentiation Program: 'Road to Self’. Join here>> program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

[@ladyjedi3D]

Thank you!

[@igormendoncacanga2569]

My parents always hated me being empathetic towards the homeless, they used the severity and inevitability of the world's severity of life's an excuse to shut down my indignation of other' suffering. When I pretend to not be weak in front of my father and family especially when I am uncaring towards their "feelings", I am suddenly a psychopath and a scary person with a volatile ontology. What. a bunch of jokes.

[@lockedintogod4404]

This is the “we appreciate you Jerry” button❤, wishing you a wonderful day. “You are valued to us all”

[@billy53382]

💯🎉him💕🕊️ He has been able to articulate and validate how I feel.

[@sunnyadams5842]

❤❤❤❤ the We Love Jerry button❤

[@TheLampini]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@alicecoleman5532]

He is a Godsend...

[@sarah06ish]

❤❤❤❤❤❤Love you Jerry. Thank you!

[@AllisonMarie8496]

They call us too sensitive but have a mental breakdown when we don’t vacuum the carpet the “right” way.

[@nolaparker9574]

OMG. This was my narcissistic mother. I never vacuumed the grain the right way, (yes there is a grain) and yet she would come along with wheel marks from her walker.

[@carolwaller9605]

Or try and shame you the married daughter with family commitments into doing their cleaning by asking if your sister in law would clean for them, and yet they have had an adult son living in the home for 25 years who doesn’t and never has lifted a finger.. good gawd!

[@IndiGo.3333]

😂😂😂😂😂 or put the toaster away when it's still hot 😂😂😂😂

[@mattheusser1390]

Lol. I once called my brother talking about how she could never trust me again and I had totally screwed up this time. The mistake? I put the broom back the wrong way, with the bristles on the ground where they would get dirty. Yes, I saw the floor was dirty an swept it and did a good job. But oh boy. I put that broom back the wrong way. How can she ever trust me again? My brother replied "I don't know what to tell you man ... most people do not feel that strongly about where the broom is placed ..."

[@user-ju1os7kz3q]

My mom flipped out because I left the dish soap on the sink. 🤭😄 She prefers it under the sink. She decided to teach me a lesson. I was sitting and reading. She brought the dish soap to me and told me to put it away. I blandly said okay then put it on the chair next to me. She fussed and cussed back into the kitchen. 😂😂

[@wayfarinstranger2444]

Guilt and shame. Be careful if you are forced to feel either one. This is what manipulation is built upon.

[@babyshooz]

I am FINALLY recognizing this!!!

[@trying2survive602]

Me too! I felt it in my family of origin and then went on to marry into a toxic family system as well. My SIL wouldn't even say hello to me for the first 9 years that I was dating her brother. I spent so much time and energy trying to get validation and recognition from all these people. If I only took the time to get the one person who really needed to see me, myself, to believe in me, things would have been different. Now, I am working on my exit! Stay strong 💪🏻 ✨️ fellow survivors!!

[@Muck-qy2oo]

Yeah, that's what I experienced in my life. Now I a not anymore.

[@Walklikeaduck111]

Unfortunately after experiencing this all my life from the narcissist, i started to use the same tactics with their enabler. It didnt work so well though. Because i felt even more guilty about it. 😅

[@user-ut7hh3zb2f]

... and fear.

[@wayfarinstranger2444]

They are hippocrits, they call me "too sensitive" when they are abusive, but if it is their feelings, then it is validated. (Even if it is drama).

[@cc1k435]

It's always drama, and it's often completely unnecessary. ❤

[@MissRed92837]

Yes, they say we are too sensitive. Imagine us or anyone else treating them the way they treat us.

[@TrevorHamberger]

I was so badly conditioned by being called a crybaby complainer that I stopped complaining about literally anything for the rest of my life. You can smack me in the head with a shovel and I would figure out a way to not complain about it because I've been conditioned to do that by my abuse

[@kitcat9214]

​​@@TrevorHamberger💔 I am so sorry 😞. Truly awful and evil. I pray for your (and all of our) healing.

[@justbenice7448]

@@cc1k435In my life and world it’s always unnecessary. Just drama for the sake of drama. It’s her daily dose of chaos and negativity.

[@MillicentAspinet]

I am my family's scape-goat, and am also an empath. Went no-contact 25-years-ago. P.S. I find the flying monkeys to be the gullible family members.

[@katherinetomasello3661]

Same here 10 years of no contact for me, way to go!

[@TizzyLisch]

15 years NC for me....but, as empaths, how many years has it been since we severed emotional ties? For me, probably 1. It's been a journey.

[@marian9410]

I only went no contact a year ago and am 60 now. I have so much trouble with untangling myself from my internalised programmes. I feel bad that I didn't do all this work earlier before I had children, as I have put a lot onto them, not having had healthy role models myself. both parents narcs and both siblings - all variations openly, covertly, controlling, authoritarian, victim playing shaming you name it. The mother said to me: what have you done wrong to get cancer? Had I been more awake at the time, instead of just shutting up, I would have said: hanging out with you all for far too long, that's what is wrong

[@LHydro]

My mom loves to brag about how she doesn’t need therapy bc she has her cousins. Yup. They 💯 support her lies and fake vulnerability. 🤮

[@socalautisticman1975]

Remember that your DIGNITY is there by nature thus does not depend on how others treat you or opinion,views etc. Me, despite having autism, I swim against the current in life. My mom says to just shut up (that you gain more; I'm paraphrasing from translation her counterproductive quote)when I was getting scorned at but it's that *there's a time to speak & a time to be quiet* & one synchronizes *in those moments of rivalry and dysfunction narcissists thrive on because it's their "spice" in their relationships *when common sense wants to avoid exactly that* because it makes the world or environment you move in unsafe, uncomfortable, according to the capabilities of the persons and what they'd be willing to do if possible...

[@thegreypath1777]

No contact is the best way to handle narcs.

[@rachelspeck1230]

I wish it was that simple.

[@philipmoore449]

No contact with my mom for four years now. Had a couple convos with her to just try and it was the reminder I needed to STAY THE HELL AWAY!!! from her.

[@ScootaWatson]

It's not simple you have to create plans to get out I'm stuck but I use silent treatment & only speak when spoken too... Don't reply to no statements meant to create an argument... Saving up money & will randomly leave while she at work to keep down her explosive rage against me... 😔 I'm not on social media I've abandoned it all because she'll go there to find something to create problems from... So once I leave she'll know I stop using special media so she can't look there to find nothing after I'm gone...

[@jesusisLordperiod.]

it's the way. they drove me to suicide. after a few years now of no contact, i am finally healing enough to take care of myself physically. i haven't done that ever. i ate junk food to mask the pain and anxiety. i was always afraid of what was coming next. they never say sorry or repent. ever. that's the hardest part.

[@briaredpath9386]

@@jesusisLordperiod.So glad you broke free,and starting to heal ✨🕊

[@Chris-hp2gg]

"They hate and need you."😂

[@thaistomp]

They're so weak and pathetic.

[@blue.5058]

This is my father in a nutshell. He’s put the same game on me for better part 40 years. He hated me and he needed me because he was too lazy to do any of the work himself and my mother was stupid enough to allow him to push what he wantedand I have a stroke so useless to him is over with so now every chance he gets, he calls me out.

[@An-mei]

They laugh when someone falls or drops something, especially children. So you become the comic and learn to laugh at yourself and smile even if you're hurt.

[@LHydro]

My son has to go through this with his other family (his dad and new wife) they sent me a video of him falling and them laughing. I hate them and my parents and there’s nothing I can do about it. Yet.

[@earthrooster1969]

Yet ....​@@LHydro

[@aspyn.j_]

or laugh at you expressing genuine emotion during a stressful situation. my mom laughed at me for missing my dad and crying while i left him a voicemail.

[@denisem4575]

I relate to this comment so much and if I were to explain/tell my story it would take up so much space. 💛 to all who suffer

[@b_b_b5146]

I don't know if you all have noticed this guys, but this is actually demonic. How can someone laugh at somebody else falling Or making genuine expressions of feelings if they are not robots or robotic themselves? Maybe, they are organic robots ready to get used as portals by demonic entities.

[@user-dn5bi4si5w]

Narcissists think feelings are a form of weakness. Except for their own feelings, which must never be ruffled, but which of course are easily ruffled, and we must all hasten to soothe those ruffled feelings.

[@darlenealessio7609]

They over dramatize lie, manipulate and do not care who they throw under the proverbial bus. They are NEVER TO BE TRUSTED, CHAMELEONS AND VERY MUCH NO MORAL COMPASS FINDING THEM COMMITTING CRIMES OF MORAL TERPITUDE IS NOT UNCOMMON. DISCONNECT AND LET THEM GO, AS THEY HAVE YOU LONGER AGO THAN YOU THINK. DO NOT WAIT TIL THEY TAKE YOUR YOUTH, YOUR HEALTH, YOU FAMILY FROM YOU, THEY ALREADY HAVE AND THEY DO NOT MIND AT ALL AS LONG AS THEY THINK YOU ARE NOT WISE TO THEIR MANIPULATION BACK STABBING & DISCREDITING ALL YOU HAVE EVER DONE OR STOOD FOR.,. TURN THE PAGE START YOUR NEW CHAPTER AND DON'T LOOK BACK. THEY DO NOT CARE IF YOU ARE A SISTER AN ONLY NIECE, NEPHEW, COUSIN, ETC. THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT HOW THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT AND IN THEIR CLOSED ENTITLED MIND HAVE CONVINCED THEMSELVES THEY WHO HAVE DONE MORE DAMAGE, LEANT TO MORE SICKNESS, AND ARE CARELESS IN ALL THEY DO AND SAY HAVE NO NO VOMPASSION, LEAVE THEM BEFORE THEY DESTROY YOUR MIND, YOUR HUSBABD, WIFE, DAUGHTER, SONS ANYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR, THEY SABOTAGE. LISTEN LISTEN CLEARL6 TO DR WISE HE IS SPOT ON AND HAS THE EMOTIONAL SCARS TO PROVE IT. RUN DONT WAJE YOUR BEST DA6S AMONG THEM ARE ONLY BECAUSE YOU KEEP DOING ABD STOP LOOK LISTEN WHAT DO THEY GIVE BACK BUT DISTAIN, DISLOYALTY AND HARDSHIP AND SHOULD YOU BECOME SICK DON'T EXPECT CINCERN CARING EXPECT AGITATION THAT YOU MAY NOT BE CONTINUING ALL THEY HAVE COME TO EXPECT FROM ALL YOUR GRACIOUS EMPATHY IN DOING FOR THEM TAKING UP THE SLACK FOR THEM NEVER WILL THEY CREDIT YOU, NEVER❤!! BEFORE ITS TOO LATE GO MAKE A LIFE FOR YOURSELF AMONG YOUR FRIENDS AND THOSE WHO YOU CAN TRULY BE YOURSELF. ALL THEY WILL EVER GIVE IS SHADE, ABD CAUSE YOU AND YOURS A FEELING OF DISCOMFORT AMONG THEM. GO IN PEACE FIND YOUR PACK THEY ARE NOT IT.😊

[@CoachK10190]

So do they hate themselves because they are weak and project that unto others?

[@darlenealessio7609]

Narcissists do not relate to feelings, think of it as they cannot speak another language, ride a bike or climb a mountain,Excell at something someone else can, even in business where they own and run the proverbial show, they can't find gratefulness toward an employee that has what the narcissists does to get the job done, the whole package, they vent, hem haw, and put that employee in duress and create stress and unfinished work ND promises made then subject their dedicated employee to very much what they out anyone else through it's a yo yo cycle of gifts gratitude and compromised relationship that is neve equally trusting..They are like a mirror a reflection with no substance no heart,no souls no empathy nobody, no sympathy . More over they folly and brag on how they got over, and that is all about winning, no rules,their rules antheybreak the rules push boundaries and exercise their power and control through fear, intimidationand demeaning tiraids.

[@user-dn5bi4si5w]

@@CoachK10190 They probably do think of themselves as weak, and they certainly do a lot of projecting. I think you're right.

[@user-dn5bi4si5w]

@@darlenealessio7609 They may deny feelings, but that doesn't mean they don't have them. I don't know where this "relating" comes in.

[@BarnabasTheBarmy]

The hypocrisy of putting their own feelings on a pedestal while devaluing and mocking mine... my parents were sick monsters...

[@DverseA]

my mother is exactly that, I feel you

[@eddieavilia2299]

Relate, it's disgusting.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My dad doesn't give a crap about me. His loss of supply, I won't pander to him. I am not impressed by him nor put up with his excuses(lies). I am no-contact with him since Easter, this year. He is crap.

[@bowiearcangeli11]

I finally set a very firm boundary on my 16th birthday. The woman who gave birth to me (I can’t call her mother) had got me in a corner and started repeatedly slapping my face. I had put up with the abuse, the strappings with a horse strap, the beatings, for 16 years and something just snapped in me. With very little thought, I slapped her back! The abuse ended that day and my only regret was not doing it when I was 14. I was the same size as her by then, and could’ve easily taken her on. And her, after this? She had a “nervous breakdown” and threw it up in my face until I finally went no contact last year. Best thing I ever did. Dr Jerry, you’re the best and I’ve learned so much from you. Thank you 💜

[@winnebagolakefly]

I’m sorry you had to go through this, but you did good! You ended it when it was supposed to end(everything happens for a reason, I feel)just like me, although I didn’t figure her out until I was 60! Imagine getting your ass handed to you every time you were with her….FOR 60 YEARS! I found my “forever” therapist and am learning who I am as an individual, no longer an extension of her and her evilness…she’s 89 yrs old and still actively using and abusing my two brothers that have jumped in to “save” her. She recently got placed into an assisted living facility and is working on getting someone there kicked out(if not herself🤭)and has entered into narcissistic collapse. She has not been diagnosed mind you, but I’m finding this whole process fascinating. She’s a great study on narcissism and I’m learning so much from the woman I no longer consider my mother, but someone that I “thought” I knew.

[@bowiearcangeli11]

Thank you for your comment. I’m 62 and until about a year ago, didn’t understand what a narcissist really was. Now I follow several people on KZbin, Jerry being one of them, and have learned so much. I may have stopped the physical abuse all those years ago, but I still dealt with the mental. Finally in July last year, I had learned enough to know it had to stop so I went no contact. Next to slapping her face, this is the second best thing I’ve done to protect myself from such an evil and mean person. Now I’m slowly healing from a lifetime of neglect and abuse, but as it happens, I’m becoming more my own person. It’s a good feeling! Thank you again for your comment and understanding. 💜

[@susanmutch6779]

The comment about finally hitting back could have been mine! She cornered me in the bathroom again when I was 13 to slap/ scratch my face. I snapped and slid her up the wall while banging her off it and yelling’you will never hit me again!” When I realized what I had done I ran to a friend’s house and stayed with her for weeks. She never hit me again. Took 40 more years for me to go no contact.

[@FiddleCat999]

Dear friend I am so sorry you had to endure that abuse. My mother was a face slapper too. I didn't hit back but had dreams about doing it for years. The dreams stopped when she died.

[@lashiesmashie]

My mom used to slap me when she was angry. When I was 11 she slapped me and I got up and punched her in her arm. It left a nasty bruise. She called several people on the phone right in front of me to tell them that I punched her. She neglected to mention how she slapped me the second before. She was just the victim to everyone she called. But you know what? She never put her hands on me again. I never feared receiving another slap because I knew I'd hit back every single time after that.

[@sunshinesunflowerz1647]

"Youre too sensitive " I've heard this many times growing up, from my relatives.

[@thaistomp]

Classic gaslighting to avoid accountability for their disgusting behavior. Hell awaits...

[@fourgrans]

Me too... 🎉❤

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Or "You misinterpreted what I said", Dad to me, blaming me for how crappy he treated me. He's a bully. I will paraphrase the B9 Robot from the original "Lost In Space" series:Dad "does not compute!" re: "Systems feeling." Dad doesn't care about me. I am not in contact with him. He nitpicks at me and is a dictator. I deserve a better father!

[@malwads1836]

These atrocious types of parents really do expect us to just smile no matter how badly it hurts, simply dreadful.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My narc dad expects me to put up and shut the hell up. His problematic attitude! I gave up on him!

[@SubliminalShorty]

No matter how they treated you, you have integrity and a pure heart and they have no soul. We live in an incredibly narcissitic, horrendous world but we are the winners because our hearts will always be pure. Head up, you're a hidden hero! 💛

[@c4tmh133]

Yes!!! I would never want to be an unfeeling monster. They're not fooling anyone. They're so miserable. I don't even know who wants to be around them. They're exhausting.

[@Emefur1]

@@c4tmh133but they can be nice to other people when they want to though, to maintain fuel and attention, all smiles and charm

[@WoundedWarrior77]

We are all born with a fallen nature. We all have traits of narcissism because we are all selfish by nature.

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

My therapist emphasized, and emphasized, and emphasized self care to the point that it's an attitude for me now.

[@Jenny_Rose_]

I need to work on this. Even things as small as cutting back on streaming services eats away at me. Cause it’ll cut off my narc mom and golden child brother from using them.. and because neither of them work the guilt just drives me nuts. I put people ahead of me

[@IndiGo.3333]

I dumped everyone. I made my own family. I am the Matriarch. New beginnings. Nobody needs to be judged or put down by jealous narcs just because you speak the truth. Have a great day. Thanks so much ❤❤

[@MadonnaGrogan]

Reminds me of Harry Styles song, Matilda

[@rick3747]

Great job!

[@IndiGo.3333]

@@MadonnaGrogan Just read the lyrics. Very spot on. X

[@angelacahill9460]

Yes my family practices shaming as a punishment or attempt at enforcing conformity. Mocking and ridicule as "teasing" and "humor". Disdain, scorn, ostracizing, etc. Exclusion, ignoring, etc. So very toxic.

[@shihtzuluvrtwo6386]

I was the re recipient of such by the monster-in-law and her flying monkeys.

[@kelvinjames6344]

Empaths exposes them and say truth that why

[@matikramer9648]

Thank you Never thought myself as truthteller, but appears I'm one.

[@c4tmh133]

Yes!!! We're Kryptonite to these self proclaimed "perfect" people. The mirror they're always avoiding.

[@belindafields7707]

When I was 15 years old and she was 40. We fought like cats and dogs! I hated growing up with her. I was an adopted child . I was her maid for the most of the time. I hated her, saying, "I'd be shamed if I were you. All the time. She said it was to my son, who was 3yrs old. I blew a gasgit. I said, "HE HAS NOTHING TO BE A SHAMED ABOUT."

[@arcturianoracle784]

😭 oh hell no, when they come after children it’s go time cos NO 😭

[@cc1k435]

I was the biological child, and it didn't make a lot of difference. I have been more or less discarded as an sdult and my son has never had any attention at all, presumably because he's mine. ❤

[@fightdhr8866]

Mine was having sex with many men at age 12 just so id tell my dad..But i wouldn't..She was and still is trash at age of 82..❤

[@fireupyourheartchildrenofgod]

This is so deep and uncomfortable and devastating. Thank you for this. I let my family destroy me. I did not understand what was going on for too long.

[@elizabethwilliams647]

I know, me to

[@maryl8539]

Me as well!

[@JohnDoe-gq3tm]

I had no clue what was going on either.

[@noshame5791]

So did my brother. He took his own life. You're still here so love yourself and get healthy and free. ❤

[@rock20055]

Well, they sure know how to feel hate. Envy. jealousy.

[@thaistomp]

They're just like their father, Satan.

[@brennadickinson2920]

Being out numbered in a family can lead to many discounts for the empath, especially if their observations are uncomfortable for other family members, not just parents. It can create considerable self doubt for the empath and lead to serious inner conflicts for an empath child.

[@darlenealessio7609]

To go your entire young life into middle age close with one or 2 ir few family members thinking and believing they get this especially the one as it was her mom Imy aunt I first learned the word scapegoat from. She asked one family visit day why are you the scapegoat as a few other cousins mocked and teased my young brother by 4 years I was maybe 11,I just didn't get it. When we got home that word emblazoned in my brain I looked it up in the dictionary from that time on I mulled that over and sadly continued in those shoes. My brother became more and more the entitled one living out his lies and drama instigating anything to get me to react so they would react to me..he became a master at, his entitled narcissistic cruel and trouble causing Schick continued til he and his destroyed what family if it ever was by taking and disregulated behaviors Chameleons 😮Don't look back find your peace it's necessary for you health the stress they create will take you down A heart attack strike, ulcers any auto immune disease stress triggers STEP ASIDE

[@joywebster2678]

He calls those here " systems feelings".

[@cassiebennet4262]

The truth is terrifying to a narcissist. A so called empath's knee jerk response is to tell the truth.

[@c4tmh133]

I'm the Truth Teller too. Of course I'm also disrespectful. Oh well. That's why I'm Very Low contact for 6 years.

[@carriemccurley-th8gn]

Just like the wheat and the tares in the Bible. Wait til they find out what God does with the tares. Truth always wins.

[@WoundedWarrior77]

Do you want to see a narcissist literally run out of the room? Invoke the spirit of Christ. I’ve seen it many times. It’s like kryptonite to superman. Jesus is the way, the TRUTH and the light. - John 4:16

[@cassiebennet4262]

@@WoundedWarrior77 Amen.

[@joy-jr7dg]

It's okay to walk away quietly 👣🆓☮️🕊️✌️

[@websurfer5772]

Thank you. Like Jesus said, "Dust off your feet and walk away from that tent."

[@elisabethhughes6005]

Watch these people closely. Get firm in your humanity and then look at them hard. When they’re going through something, it’s the realest thing happening and everything else has to stop for them. If someone else is having trouble or big feelings, to these soul vampires it’s all just stupid drama.

[@matikramer9648]

I agree

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

They don't want to reciprocate. Exactly!

[@robynbellamy7548]

Thank you. I am 75 but still coming to grips with all this. ❤

[@marysullivan3881]

My dad wanted me to have empathy just not for myself.

[@xxllbb55]

so you had a Good Dad !

[@aarewethereyet]

Narcissist inlaws especially hate empath daughter inlaws but rely on empath daughter in law to maintain a relationship with their also narc or just disinterested son.

[@noshame5791]

My first marriage to a T

[@Mudpie68]

Calling in the little abused puppy , reassuring and convincingly pleading for her to trust just one more time, give the praise and reward until you roll over and they get in reach of your soft under-belly and they then kick you. And then their satisfied smirk 😏 cracks their face.

[@Walklikeaduck111]

Thats a horrid image but so true. My narc father likes to let us have something for a bit, and then take it away with no warning. Just to show its all his. Nothing is mine everything is his.

[@maryl8539]

Yes, the smirk is truly awful. Caught it on a zoom call with a sibling recently and it made me sick.

[@Kayenne54]

Yes. The SMIRK is the dead giveaway of people with these tendencies. Always watch for the smirk. They can't help themselves. So you have to learn to become like a poker player, give no "tells" and become expert at reading theirs. Give 'em nothing, take 'em nowhere, drop 'em off halfway without a map.

[@christinathein951]

Very vivid imagery and good analogy

[@GrlRock]

How does someone become an unfeeling person??? I know what you say in the video is correct, but it escapes my imagination how someone is unable to feel. Growing up I was constantly told I was too sensitive. The whole time they were just insensitive. Mind blowing.

[@monkeyrater]

Watch the video again. The key word is detachment. Nothing wrong with being a feeling person. What is wrong is when we are forced to feel the shame and belittlement put on us by narcissists.

[@matikramer9648]

That's an interesting question. But more important question is how to deal with present situation, our situation, how we can help ourselves. Because if you'll start to dig narcs6 past or theories about how they made /born /whatever you might well to start excuse them and justify them, and be running again OLD family programing. I did it 20 years ago. Do you really need it? Or what you really need is to help yourself and fast.

[@susandalton7889]

I didn't know about this fact until recently.. Narcissists like sociopaths have different brain structures than the rest of us. I'm still getting over trauma having had a crazy, narcissistic mother who is still alive.

[@Juanita5359]

Jerry you have helped me so much to understand the horrible toxicity of my family of origin. At the age of 65 I am still in the early stages of self care and trying to love myself.

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome!

[@bindywuertenberg6644]

Juanita… I hear you! I am in the same boat with you! At 65 myself trying to learn to take care of myself, and love myself! ((( HUGS!)))❤️👍🏻

[@lockedintogod4404]

Best lesson to learn as an empath is wisdom and God can give you that. When you start feeling a lot pause and start thinking more. Think through and above how you feel. A narcissistic depends on your feeling and expressing. Learn how to pause that for true clarity.

[@wayfarinstranger2444]

Excellent advise.😊

[@jerrywise]

Spot on!

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

"I don't need you to be okay"- Yes! This is what I see and am growing into.

[@tammyfeldbusch9000]

Absolutely felt!! I always felt the need to fix everyone so that they are OK, like I am somehow responsible for their feelings. This is an impossible and exhausting task. If I remember that I don’t NEED you to be OK , I’m OK

[@tammyfeldbusch9000]

You don’t get to have my insides!!! WOW. I needed that! Helps me, empowers me to not over love, not feel like I am responsible for fixing others feelings.!!

[@graveyardghost2603]

I was a child, watching a movie in which young Shirley Temple was taken away from her beloved grandfather by a cruel relative. Tears were rolling down my face, bc I found the movie to be sad, and my stepmom started to make fun of me for crying. I was pretty young but I remember thinking "you old bat, you have no feelings." The stepmom laughs at anything like empathy as being "sentimental." She and I really dont understand one another at all. Thx Dr. Wise ❤

[@jerrywise]

Welcome!

[@hellokitty777able]

"Heidi." I think that is the movie. My favourite Shirley Temple movie.

[@graveyardghost2603]

@@hellokitty777able yes! :)

[@keywestcatlady]

Yes, I was so touched by that movie, too! I remember her crying for her Grandfather! My evil twin was not moved in the least.

[@annastone5624]

I had the same experience age around 5 or 6 crying because I was seeing all these starving children from Africa on the tv screen. The whole room laughed at me and mocked me. It was utterly confusing and I just left the room and never understood it until all these decades later.. and content like this.

[@sheilabest3652]

Someone once said that codependency is needing to be needed. We’re all needed in some capacity but if we need to be needed then we are codependent.

[@kitcat9214]

Well said. 🎯

[@monkeyrater]

No, no one who is codependent ever said that. codependency is slavery, youre one of the many sociopaths who wish copendenents wanted to be controlled by you.

[@cc1k435]

I know that my empathy is so heightened as an adult from having to anticipate the everchanging moods of people in the household as a child. Then they mocked the thing they'd created for being who I was. Can't win and shouldn't try except to get out of there. ❤

[@barbaralynch3015]

I was always an empath. When I was little watching "Casper the Friendly Ghost"; when everyone ran from him scared, I cried and said, I'll be your friend!!!

[@cherylmockotr]

Me, too!! 50 years later and I still get a pang in my heart just reading his name in your comment. You opened my eyes just now as to how much my inner self identified with sweet little Casper.

[@barbaralynch3015]

@@cherylmockotr Awesome! You felt it!

[@glidden67]

This made me smile. ❤

[@barbaralynch3015]

@@glidden67 😊🧡

[@aquacantstopwontstopspiritual]

You are Absolutely correct they cannot stand Empathetic people am a true witness

[@haliec496]

My father always hated me. I was always independent, intelligent & would question all of his abuse & stand up to him. I missed out on a father / daughter relationship. My mother was my hero. We were very alike.

[@cassiebennet4262]

Same here except my mom wasn't around. All I had was this stranger playing a father role when he actually hated me.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

@@cassiebennet4262 Yes. Mom and her family are my "support system" since Dad has never cared about me at all. He doesn't give a crap about my feelings. He's a narcissist and a jackass!

[@demondogmom7221]

I learned to supress my emotions early in life. By 11, I had high blood pressure and ulcers. At 13, my ulcers bled. I had a wonderful family doctor who told my parents to get their crap together before they killed me or he had me removed. He gave me a book on self-hypnosis that probably saved my life. My mother hated that I learned my emotions were mine and hers belonged to her. I learned to walk away, either physically or mentally. However, I was in my late 40s / early 50s when I realized what my mother was. I started sharing it with my older sister, and we went on the "discovery" journey of "mom's a narcissist" together. It was a blessing to confirm it with someone who lived it.

[@noshame5791]

I was hoping me and my bro could grow stronger and closer together as we aged and could always be bonded in our trauma. Well, instead he cut me out 4 years ago and then took his life this year... Now I have no one alive who knew what we went through first hand. My other sibling (who was the golden) passed away in 2012 from cancer. I hope you and your sibling remain close. ❤️

[@demondogmom7221]

@noshame5791 - I'm so sorry. My eldest brother died last year and it's hard when your siblings die, I know. I'm really lucky to have my sister. I make sure to tell her so regularly.

[@priscillafranklin5633]

I finally became free when they died. Until then, they abused me. Mostly with guilt and shame.

[@matikramer9648]

Still, those feelings might linger. I'm still calling myself " bloody perfectionist" ( I was trying to get good word from my parents). And I'm 64

[@dfgt-su9ki]

both of my parent did the same! mother died back at2009 but father is still alive,,,,,,, i m watting for that day, unfortunatly.

[@mday3821]

I could never understand why my mother kept me around because she didn't like me. She was envyish of me, but now I get it. She wanted "How I can talk to people with ease and I could express my emotions in a healthy way. I'm convinced that she wanted to be me. Thank you Jerry for this enlightenment.

[@jerrywise]

You’re welcome!

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

Cycle of conflict. Yes! In summation: When I saw that she hadn't changed, I distanced myself because I refused to have a repeat of my first 20 years with her. I won't do it- mother or not.

[@flemutter7211]

You are not alone

[@arcturianoracle784]

Absolutely same! After I had kids (2) I knew I needed all my patience, all my inner peace and all my mental health to be the best parent I possibly can be. She was making me stressed even during the pregnancies. For the second one, I didn’t even ALLOW her to be there lmao. She sent my dad to ask me if I “wanted” her to come check on me after giving birth to see that everything turned out ok. We were already not speaking. So, I answered the question very calmly and happy at my newfound freedom, “No 🙂” lmao. No, I don’t “want” her to check on me at all lol. My dad who had never heard that word from me 😂 was angry for a minute, “No??! Why not?? She just wants to come check??” I’m like I don’t care 🙂 it’s kind of an important day for me too 🙂🙃 hhahahah so nah, I’m gonna decide this time ☺️😇😌 lol.

[@websurfer5772]

@@arcturianoracle784 Good for you! 👏

[@Foxy_ladyYTSL]

@@arcturianoracle784same here. My sister was sent to ask me if the ‘ mother’ who I didn’t not seen for 20 years could meet when I was pregnant. I said no. So she punished me by turning my sisters towards her....making her will for them to cut me out...not allowing me to be invited to family events. Etc

[@arcturianoracle784]

@@Foxy_ladyYTSL That’s awful. I wonder what kind of credit they’re seeking to get from interacting with our pregnancies lol. I noticed that in my “mother” it was like she was ashamed for anyone to know that I did not even want her to be there, even for that event. That shame took precedent in her mind and that’s like what she cared about with my pregnancy lmao. Oh, you know just my life on the line but yes let me put my comfort aside on that day for your comfort 😂. Yeah, right. You did the right thing protecting yourself. I’m so sorry about your sisters.

[@MissRed92837]

My narcissistic sadistic mother with zero empathy always hated my dad and me. Unfortunately also my brother is a terrible evil narcissist sadistic with zero empathy. My dad was a empath and I am a empath. My mother and my brother always hated my dad and me, stole from us, abused us mentally physically and financially.

[@Kayenne54]

It would have been wonderfully freeing to figure out earlier, in my life, that going "no contact" would be best FOR ME. But we're brainwashed into thinking that A. they can't survive without us feeding them their daily bread of support and B. that we ourselves don't deserve any of that nourishment for ourselves. If only the concept of "no contact" or "Just ghost 'em" had been front of mind when I was 16. I could have got clean away, as I left home at that age, and could literally have disappeared from my family's life, finally and forever. But my younger brother was still at home, and we were close then. I had no problem ghosting guys if I didn't like them or they treated me disrespectfully (even if I was really keen on them), when I started dating. I'd cut them clean out of my life like a surgeon. Yet my family...it just never occurred to me as a solution for ME. However, I don't regret the long run of lessons. I've learnt a lot. Nothing is wasted.

[@ipsitakar6684]

At least your dad was with you and you were not alone, some girls are all alone by themselves deals with narcissistic parents and brother

[@MT-tx7bu]

Yet they cry and rage. They just don't want you to admit your hurting.

[@kitcat9214]

We aren't allowed to hurt.

[@matikramer9648]

No, my mom enjoyed when I was crying. It was her reward and her supply She was guilty tripping me for everything, then leaving me to cry myself and weeping myself to exhaustion

[@kitcat9214]

@@matikramer9648 I am so sorry 😞 My siblings did similarly to me. 💔

[@twilightgardenspresentatio6384]

This empath learned early that the ability to lack emotion is a weakness My emotions might reveal me but simply being revealed is not revealing a vulnerability to the honest but galvanized empath

[@darinsmith2458]

You might cover this in this video but I want to say this before I forget.. My experience has been that they hate everyone but an empath feels everything.. I need to realize that being an empath is a spiritual gift and I need to learn how to use it.. Rather than people-pleasing I need to people-avoid.. I would say that if we focus on others then we are giving away our power..

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

Any healthy person has empathy, some are just closed down to it.

[@websurfer5772]

If you're closed down to your empathy you're not healthy.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

@@websurfer5772 not true. It's often the right move to close down certain channels if you're dealing with healing trauma. But pretending that having empathy makes you special is just new age ego.

[@websurfer5772]

@@madeleinegrayson8372 Oh yeah, I see what you mean.

[@peterl1099]

I’m in a season of healing and feel I have lost my empathy. I hope I get it back.

[@joywebster2678]

Yes there are so many who actually claim Empaths have super powers like mind reading, and ability to heal others and other new age stuff, I refuse to use the term. I indeed have heightened empathy from early on, living as a scapegoat in a narcissitic family system. That empathy drew me to being a RN for a career. I didn't choose it to make money, I cared about the patients. I have no superpowers. But faced recently with the death of my narcisditic mother at 94, dealing with the narc siblings for the first time in years en mass was overwhelming as they live in a very faux world of superficiality and I deal in facts and real life. It was a disturbing reunion.

[@WillWilsonII]

I had to say "I don't stnpathize with you anymore. No guilt of obligation. You are self destructive, indulgent, and entitled. Guilt doesn't work anymore." The wide eyed expression said it all. He then countered with a false version of things while smiling that smug smile. Which actually terrified me. It reminds me of how hard it is for an honest person to defeat a liar.

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

Differentiating feelings. Yes! What has helped to do that is my rule #3: "Carry not what is not yours to carry." Sometimes I have to remind myself but it helps.

[@sarahtco3230]

Me too, DEEP breath, give it to God! Less to carry

[@stl2nola72]

The N mom knew I had gone through a painful break up years ago. She literally forced me to watch a movie with her called “The Notebook.” 2 days after my break up and I was feeling all devastated. She just could not understand how watching that would magnify the pain I was feeling. That felt super disturbing and creepy to me. That was years before I figured out what she is.

[@clairecarscallen2925]

Oh my God… Had the same experiences with my sister and my ex husband. Shortly after I lost a baby, I was visiting my much older narc sister. For some twisted reason, she decided to bring out all the old film footage of me holding her babies at family functions. Broke my heart and she thought I was reacting ridiculously. My narc husband did things like deciding it would be a great idea to take me to an extremely violent Sam Peckinpah film while I was recovering from a violent attack. When I had to cover my eyes and felt physically sick, he thought it was funny. When I finally had to take my two little children to escape his death threats, and ended up in a women’s shelter, I called my mother to let her know where I was and what was going on, and her response was “This will make you strong. You’ll learn to stand on your own two feet. When you get your life in order I’ll be glad to talk to you, in the meantime I don’t want any of the problems.” I said to her “If this were (either of my sisters) in this situation with a 5 month old and a 3 year old, you wouldn’t say that’s to them. Why me?” She said “That’s different.” I never spoke with her in person again only got feedback about things she said. She was using the whole thing as a way for attention on her: “poor me” She and my sisters all told lies about everything that was going on, and I could tell that they were all enjoying it. My oldest sister laughingly said “You should write a book!” Growing up surrounded by narcissists and marrying one destroyed my whole life. I cut them all out of my life many years ago, but the damage is permanent.

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

We over love them. Yes! I did that in a romantic relationship and was cut right down the middle, and, of course, the narcissist excused, minimized, deflected, and etc.

[@kitcat9214]

Yep. Me too.

[@fluffymajestic4589]

“They don’t get to have your insides.” Wow. Thank you. I never saw it has entitlement, but you’re completely right. My family believes I should feel a certain way, whether it’s guilt or upset, shame, or whatever. And they never ever ever ever stop until they think they can perceive that I feel that way. Also,I thought my only self-worth was in my ability to sense and relieve their upset. I still think that in lots of ways. This is so illuminating.

[@debbiemonroe7548]

So appreciate this. I’m 62 years old and just started figuring out the messed up life I have had. Finally at peace with my no contact decision with my dad. Sad but necessary

[@Kareena1988]

I feel scared and angry at the same time.

[@websurfer5772]

Try to work on your fears, like put into google how you're feeling and see what you can find that will help you conquer them. As far as anger, I have no idea, because I'm super pissed off all the time now since I've been learning about these abusive dynamics.

[@Kareena1988]

@@websurfer5772 yeah..me, too..the shit i had to go through

[@nydasilver1784]

Love Yourself- Provide yourself with the unconditional love you never got Be your Own Best Friend

[@l15ainactivesite90]

My narc mother tells my daughter I 'keep a list of all the things she has done' and I corrected her that I have documented proof of her pattern of behavior. My medical file from the 1970's documents that she neglect my treatment plan for 3 years resulting in spinal fusion at 11 years old! She is 80 now and still cannot accept that her choices did this to me. She used to threaten to jump of a bridge just to manipulate me to not tell anyone what really happened.

[@kitcat9214]

😱

[@matikramer9648]

She is unconscious MASTER of manipulation Further away - better

[@tiffanyandtheshihtsu]

Jerry, you are a gift! Thank you for this video. This video is especially important to me right now. I'm experiencing family difficulties right now with a father in the hospital, a step mother that hates me, and siblings behaving badly. I'm standing back and just watching the silliness 😂

[@jerrywise]

Thanks for watching, glad you liked it!

[@user-qr1sn3hf6e]

I WAS the family "hero" until I started putting up boundaries. Jerry described my mother, ex-husband and son perfectly. I went no contact four years ago and am still struggling to break free of them. Thank you Jerry for validating our experience.

[@azzahmanukova7046]

The distinction between systems feelings and my feelings is very helpful, thank you.

[@jerrywise]

You're very welcome

[@nn3444]

It is quite simple really...they are dark, you are light and you are iron and they the crucible ...you chose your path and your mission is to become forged Steel!!!

[@thaistomp]

Yup, good vs evil. Battle that's been going on since the beginning of time.

[@annekenney6914]

I had to explain why my dad was upset with my mom to her because she had no empathy. A kid educating a parent... SMH. After I explain it to her, she would put me down, because she hated being in the one down position of not understanding. No gratitude. Just use you and abuse you.

[@keywestcatlady]

Your Channel is such a gift - to know I’m not alone! Thank-you!

[@kitcat9214]

Yes, agreed 👍.

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome!

[@websurfer5772]

I find it daunting that we have to change our whole way of thinking and feeling in order to just be okay. I was just realizing that before the internet if I had figured out any of these abusive dynamics on my own and tried to share them with others, I would have been called crazy, and people would think I need therapy to help reorganize my disordered thinking. Everyone would say I was paranoid as well. To go from that world I was living in to this one feels like I've slipped into an alternate hellish dimension because before, none of this existed, and now it's in my face every day.

[@gobetter350]

You mean people in your family or generally people in society?

[@websurfer5772]

@@gobetter350 Yes.

[@cynthiarouse]

Narcissistic systems of any and all types despise the truth because the truth exposes them. Be very grateful if you’ve survived, moved on and you are now thriving for you are one of the fortunate few. ❤ good luck out there

[@christymartin6281]

I've been fighting feeling guilty since this weekend, it was the first year I didn't send my dad a birthday card or gift. Maybe I'm really grieving more than anything, I don't have a dad anymore since he disowned me and wrote me out of his will, I just don't know him anymore. After his angry, hateful letter accusing me of things that never happened, I realized that my family has been walking on eggshells my whole life. Now that my mom is gone, I've had a target on my back- and I'm done!

[@joseenoel8093]

It's a sink or swim situation, hurt yourself and you're called stupid, ultimate trick = in agony + walking on eggshells and don't drip blood they're sure to find it!

[@thatzmental]

I've yet to hear "the right thing" said. All I ever hear is ugly, mean, angry, cruel. And as far as emotion, expressing can be called weak and also considered as selfish to them. They will never reciprocate ! Never, ever! We learn that others just don't care. So you help if you want to and don't if it will feel shitty afterwards. Boundaries are super important! You can be kind to a crappy person if you want to and know you won't get anything in return.

[@SpiritSoPoetic]

I’ve been called weak and gullible by my mom. Smh.

[@CleverChimney]

I was always accused of being too sensitive but then on the other hand accused of not loving my mother. I’m very low contact now. She’s absolutely insane and just getting worse as she ages and loses control

[@matikramer9648]

You need a real help For yourself and now

[@jerrywise]

program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/ www.coaching.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/

[@user-dn5bi4si5w]

They simply like manipulating more empathetic individuals, while at the same time despising them. But they also need them. Dump your narc without a backward glance. It'll cut deep.

[@Chuck-se5hh]

Your work deserves a high award, your vital insights into the deadly dynamics of dysfunctional families where parents murderously neglect and mistreat their children is indispensable to those who want to recover and heal from that, even the Bible does not provide this detailed and objective life-saving knowledge.

[@katherineirvin7464]

I have to respectfully disagree with your view of the Bible. A deeper dive into how to handle / manage these folks is in there. It may not always be shouted from the pulpits in the world, but searching and fleshing out the Scriptures with illumination of The Holy Spirit, it’s ALL in there and once you see it, no one can change your mind. Having boundaries are biblical and loving regardless of what we’ve been told to the contrary.

[@numidianarchers195]

This "borderland" area of narcissistic abuse is rarely discussed it seems to me. I say "borderland" because it borders the issue of spiritual or energetic possession - neither of which are comfortable ideas in the modern paradigm. I've forwarded this video to a dear friend already and subscribed. I appreciate it.

[@jerrywise]

Awesome!Thanks!

[@rdplanner8274]

My husband, me and our kids were asked to participate in something pretty big that was about farming. It was during this wonderful time that his mother let her mask slip…she was upset she wasn’t included- she chose to be jealous/upset/temper tantrum instead of being happy for us. The guilt my husband felt was too much. It was that day I realized the emotional abuse that had gone on for far too long❤

[@joshua255860]

hi jerry, as a strong empath that I was for most of my life, I did have a hard time with a narc. mother. I recall when I was about 20, and I had a young man break up with me. I was very broken up and grieving and I remember my mother coming into my room and telling me that the problem with me was that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I remember looking at her in horror, as I was deeply grieved by the loss of this guy. She could of said so many other things to me, but she decided to tell me essentially that I was a loser and it was of my fault. I've had so many other unhappy stories like this. I do remember after that hurtful time, telling myself ( my way to cope and carry on), that I was no longer going to tell her anything about me personally ever again. Sadly, I've had to operate this way my entire adult life, but it was the only way I could save myself emotionally. Thank you for all of these important videos. You are truly an outstanding man, and I respect you a lot because you have told us that you, yourself, had this inflicted on you, which makes you so so credible to me, Jerry. God Bless you, each and every day! Eileen

[@cherylmockotr]

I had the exact same experience. I also remember a couple years later I had to have my cat put to sleep, who I'd had since I was 10. My mother got angry with me for quietly crying about it and angrily told me if I was going to be that upset by it I should have let her take my cat to the vet. It horrified me to think of my poor baby coldly dropped off by my mother so I stopped crying and never shared another personal feeling with her the rest of her life. Wow... I'd forgotten about those years, and it's shocking to remember them now!

[@amberinthemist7912]

I was "too sensitive" but when I asked why they treated my gc sister so much better it was because "she would stop talking to us if we talked to her like we do to you" huh?? So what's wrong with me is I'm too sensitive but what's right with her is she's more sensitive than me. Then my children got older and suddenly they became too sensitive just like me. Because you can't witness yourself in the same way seeing that I realized that for my parents too sensitive means "has a moral compass and is willing to stand up for oneself". That was it for me. We moved states and went low contact. My parents are just immoral. They go to church for the ego boost but they have no morals. They lie and use people like someone who is out of their minds with hard drug addiction...but addicts' personality improves when they get help because it's the drugs "talking" ...for my parents that deranged user attitude IS their personality.

[@erzascarlet47]

Both my parents are narcissists. I was although given all materialistic ''love" I was always told what kind of an ungrateful monster I was who made her parents miserable. When I confronted them in my adult life my mother said... It's because you never listened to us. I was a straight A student, never cheated in school, never smoked, drank, never went to a club, lost virginity to her ex husband at 28. I was someone they always wanted to bully and control. A punching bag, a stress buster to be yelled at. To be blamed for all their problems. I was never good enough. My father said . Sorry i made you feel that way.. but I'm 60 and zi can't change. To hell with them. I'm low contact now working on my mental health. Considering going NC some day in the future if needed.

[@matikramer9648]

🍀

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

And what you said about us being guided by our feelings due to the environment was dead on.

[@mercedessanchez6844]

Yes. Being mimicked was the most surprising thing about my narc mom

[@adimeter]

I'm still learning to check with me. All this at the age of 76. Thank you Jerry.

[@matikramer9648]

I'm doing same at age 64

[@jerrywise]

Welcome!

[@1MNUTZ]

My feelings make me feel alive and human but also take over and manipulate my rational mind. I try to practice stoism but that also hardens my heart to the point where I begin to tolerate poor behavior.

[@ImYourOnlyItGirl]

I’m currently in a horrible situation with my parents. My mother is the narcissist and I’ve had to accept my dad enables all her poor behaviors. I have a child now and I have boundaries. I won’t allow her to cross these boundaries, so she’s waging a psychological war on me. I’m not sure what she told my father, but when I saw him in person he was screaming in my face. I just got in my car and left. My own brother won’t speak to me now out of nowhere. She knows my relationship with them has always been exponentially better than with her, so because I don’t let her have my child whenever she feels like it, she’s going to make sure my dad and brother won’t be there to help me now when I need it. Since they are the two I go to for any help. I’m thinking I just need to go no contact with them all. Nobody ever gets involved to step in and defend my child and me; it feels they only get involved to bully and shame me for not giving my mom the control she wants.

[@amandapryar4675]

I'm happy being an empath; but I wish I was a mirror and show narcissist's what they really look like.

[@keywestcatlady]

Thank-you, so much! I subscribed! You are describing me in a whole family of Narcs, starting with my parents, and spreading onto my 3 siblings including evil twin who more than screwed me out of my inheritance but colluded in trying to rob me of properties I acquired thru the goodness of my heart. My biggest mistake was trusting those I thought I could trust more than anyone on this planet. I ended up losing everything, 2 houses & a cat sanctuary, just because I needed 5 points on my credit score to Re-finance. I asked the wrong people for help. They dragged me out, told me to turn down a loan, and sign everything over to them- which I didn’t of course and then it was Hell on earth as I lost everything.

[@jerrywise]

You’re welcome!

[@Joelswinger34]

I don't know if I am an empath, but I think I have empathy.

[@Jason-xb3jh]

My dad married a narcissist, when I was 4 years old. Being separated from my natural mother was devastating to me and to have a narcissistic stepmother as a replacement was the nail in the coffin. Forced respect and appreciation. Being an INFJ empath, I have always been able to see behind the vail of my stepmom. Those momentary glitches when her true self glinted through. At times I thought maybe I was the crazy one because nobody else seemed to see it. Now I am 52. My dad passed away three years ago. He was the only person who kept my stepmom in check (marginally). Now she is a runaway freight train of “self”. It has been a life long struggle for me and it is still continuing to this day. So many times I have tried to walk away, only to eventually turn the other cheek in hopes of approval, love and acceptance. It has never worked. My natural mother died when I was 9 years old. All I am left with now is my stepmom. It is a very cold and lonely way to live. 😞

[@lpfx777]

Cinderella

[@MarlenevT]

I don't think the narcissist in my life was my parents... My older brother is the one. He says I am TOO sensitive. I say he is TOO insensitive. I cut him out of my life 10 years ago.

[@1Dogsoldier4life]

With Mothers Day coming up, I DREAD buying a card. Nonr of yhem are plain enough. I just send the obligated "gift". She lives a few streets away from me, I see her maybe every 6 months. Took me abt 8 yrs to get rid of the guilt abt distancing myself. As a kid I convinced myself, I had a real mom somewhere else. Proud to say I broke the cycle w my children.

[@louisaclarke752]

Jerry, thank you so very much for your generosity in sharing your insight and experience. This is invaluable, validating and incredibly reassuring. So much of the discomfort is the isolation and gaslighting re: feeling. The truth is, to truly feel with skill, is incredible strength. Please keep doing what you do.

[@jerrywise]

Awesome, you are welcome!

[@Sara-kc6md]

Does anyone else see that on KZbin now it seems every adult raised in America comes from at least one narcissistic parent? I don't even know one person who does not relate to the narc parents scenario. Why are there so many narcs? Just everywhere, it's maddening!

[@sunnyadams5842]

This is one of the biggest reasons I can't/ no longer try to talk with my father about ANYTHING the slightest bit personal. To survive his silent, searing, scorn in the face of tales of my rather normal, yet somewhat troubled life ( because of him, largely. It was CPTSD), I realized I belittled myself and turned my life into funny little, humorous stories, when actually I wasn't always finding things too funny. I saw myself becoming a buffoon, in relation to my father, in order to ameliorate a vague feeling I had about what I thought he thought about my problems... At the end I saw that I spent 3 days or a week, sometimes longer, recovering from a 20 minute phone call with my father largely because, when he asked for details about my life situations, I was left having bared my soul and he came back with silence, or laughing incredulity. And I expected help. Or at least some murmer of support or conversational level sympathy. Eventually I saw that I then launched into sacrificing myself on the alter of satire at my own expense. Half the time he didn't even laugh sincerely at my humorous attempts to lighten his take on my latest roof leak or car tragedy... 😢 Figuring that out was a big key towards understanding that what I was looking for were things that WEREN'T there. The fruits of neglect, more than active abuse are hard to spot but once you know what you are looking for it becomes easier and easier to hear the silences, the strange pauses, the expected, hoped for response that never comes. It's so nice when you can stop blaming yourself. Believing I was not even considered worthy of common courtesy from my own parent (yet they wouldn't leave me alone and let me learn how to do it myself) was REALLY painful. It's their sickness. Not mine. Hallelujah!!

[@matikramer9648]

Thank you sharing it, I am really and truly grateful. I did understood what happened to me 20 years when I had to become " clown" at the place I was living in then. At least I was lucky to learn to tell jokes finally. But I was bitter for myself, deep inside me. Even wrote poem about King, dressed in clowns dress robe. Thank you And I feel for you And you know (and maybe it will help you) YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPORT HIM. NOR TRY TO GIVE ANY EXPLANATIONS AT ALL. I even wrote to myself list of such kind of things And you may demand an answer to their question : why do they ask about it. What exactly they want to know. What information they are looking for. Even father or mother are not allowed to dig in "our stomach" at their will. Nor play with our emotions. Shame tripping and guilt tripping are very harmful, so does criticism. What for they asking if they don't really intend to help, or can't be bothered with help for you. 🍀🍀🍀🍀

[@blue.5058]

Both my parents have used me and hated me. It’s some point of my life and I’m 50. I have gone through a stroke so now both parents are doing what they can to minimize and ostracize me.

[@gotredeemed]

Sometimes, a long stretch of caring for someone 24/7, can wear you down to the point that all that is left are your insides.

[@jerrywise]

program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

[@PAP-dg6qx]

I have just finished a 5 week zoom course aimed at getting back self confidence and worth. But as an empath I took onboard all the other participants concerns. I felt I needed to help them in their struggles. I found myself wanting to fix them. I was supposed to be there for ME but I found myself being there for the 11 other people! Then I watched this and understood why. The ingrained programming by my mother kicks in on auto pilot every time. Is it truly possible to unlearn the behaviours instilled in our brains from the most vulnerable informative years or do we carry that with us throughout our life.

[@matikramer9648]

So does mine autopilot In just last 4-5 days I found myself into autopilot and also loosing my former boundaries and had to start over

[@Susweca5569]

I am the Empath/intuitive/precognative Meyers-Briggs INFJ in my family, and they have been terrified/resentful/suspicious of me my entire life. They mistakenly thought of me as being "weak" when, in fact, I am stronger than all of them put together. I walked away from them over thirty years ago, and I don't regret it for one minute.

[@kat8838]

When I was a kid I was surrounded by wealthy alcoholics who wouldn’t feed me but always had a cooler of wine coolers to drink and chips or soda. I hate alcohol, chips, and soda now. Never had a wine cooler since. I used to beg them all for any old clothes to wear and never got any. They shunned me from a young age and always gushed attention on each other and their dogs. I sincerely dislike and fear people who drink , own dogs, and wealthy now. They would always burden me with dishes for a large group of people who disliked and ignored me. They psychologically tortured me. I avoid them because they shun me to this day in a large group. Even holidays they wouldn’t speak to me the entire day. Not even a slight question or statement.

[@pallasa2032]

Your correct, as an empath I been told by other narcs that I’m sensitive when they on the other part aren’t considerate of others which makes them able to run over others for their own personal (self) gain…..but then they say I’m selfish “because I don’t let them USE me up as of their supply and I can care less because I’m tired of them …so tired