NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY IN MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP

[@inamu261]

I have been married to a narcissist for more than 10 years, and now our divorce is almost final.

[@nshongitours6675]

They also come off as very good people to the outside world! So it is hard to believe what they're capable of😢

[@sharlomaber7096]

Am right there at that stage but am just making myself happy and keeping quite while everyone wonders why the guy says am a bad person

[@natuhamyaapophia960]

I can relate. They tend to be very good people to the outside world but not to their patterns at home.

[@ainerashel4058]

​

[@IANA2030]

Very true

[@mwebazeannetnalubega.]

Banangeee these guys can drain you🤦‍♀️

[@holistichealthhub49]

Narcissistic people love is transactional! They marry people who they can control, have weak boundaries and usually have abandonment issues! Secondly, a narcissist will get worse by age and they will never change!

[@holistichealthhub49]

Am glad therapists in Uganda are beginning to understand this disorder and are now educating people about it ..

[@pumlanabachwa8668]

Rachel's honest reaction to the 4 failed marriages story 😂😂😂😂😂😂. Meme-worthy.

[@rachaelmwine]

😂😂😂I can’t lol

[@beinganajessica4748]

Am happy that I have found Ugandans talking about mental health. Thank you for the good work.

[@MarishFaith]

Thank you for the show. Thank you Doctor Evas for the accurate and simple way that you presented NPD. I'm making this comment because I think you've oversimplified what a relationship with someone with NPD is like thereby subjecting many people to emotional and mental abuse from their partners. Someone who suffers from NPD will put other people down like you said to make themselves feel grandiose and they'll do a lot of things that amount to abuse that you have not highlighted and I'm sure you've heard them from your clients in therapy which are very heartbreaking but here you are telling someone that they should support their partners to change and yet you just said that someone with NPD thinks they're perfect. They will not hear this other person no matter how loud and frequent their partner tries to highlight their weaknesses. What you're advocating for is the partner developing a savior complex: I can save this person if I try hard enough, which is not the case with narcissist because they don't listen to others and this is also enabling to the narcissist because they feed off this other person's efforts to make them better. the more you try to highlight their weaknesses the more defensive they get and the more they put you down using many many hurtful and painful things. You said it's a bit of work but it's not a bit of work, it is a whole different experience if not an impossibility because this is not just a difficult person who has weaknesses like all of us do but this is someone with a disorder that keeps them from seeing this other human being because they only see themselves as perfect. Moreover you're telling the partner to do the work to make the marriage better but remember they are going to be doing the work alone because the narcissist does not think there's anything wrong with them. As you rightly stated narcissism is more common in Men. In our African culture and in many faiths, men are viewed as the head of the families so as a wife you are constantly subjected to the decisions of the man of the home so the boundaries you're talking about, not letting this person have their way all the time, how will they apply in such an instance? The wife will be labeled as unsubmissive, stubborn, difficult even by people who are onlookers and those who should help the situation. You're only highlighting the help that the narcissist needs and their problems. however narcissists inflict a lot of pain and hurt on other people that causes them to need more therapy than the narcissist themselves which you're not talking about here. It would have been a fair discussion if you balanced it out with what the partner has to go through. Thank you

[@petuamwesigwa4564]

I totally agree. Thank you

[@FreeQueen-md7zm]

🎯💯 I totally agree! Drs... Part 2 of this discussion, plz AND ty 🙏🏾.

[@mwebazeannetnalubega.]

True we need part 2

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Thank you so much Faith for your feedback! I agree with you that living with a narcissistic partner can be extremely draining.As a matter of fact, there are some partners who get overwhelmed and leave but there are those that stay and try to work through the difficulties to make their marriage work. As I mentioned, narcissists need healing but this shouldn’t come at the cost of their partners health and life. Where health and life are threatened, it’s definitely wise to step off as part of self care. However, the decision to leave or stay needs to be made after careful analysis of issues with a professional therapist because of the stakes involved in marriage relationships. This is because quitting is not always as easy as it sounds. Analysis of all options helps Vistula of narcissism to make healthy and firm decisions.

[@nabuzalejackie4018]

Very true

[@lillyumulisa9056]

Thank you Dr. Eva and Rachel for this topic. Living with a NPD partner is really draining you can go crazy. Set boundaries as you can or run for your life.

[@patrickagaba8425]

Thank you for the reality check given to me indeed I have learnt a lot about relationships.

[@marthaochieng1340]

It's one thing to be a counsellor and another to live with these people in real life. It's a real misery 😢

[@acenkellisprisca2994]

Sincerely

[@faithsandra8446]

a real misery, it is so imposible to leave with them, mentally and emotionally draining

[@marthaochieng1340]

The doctor forgot that at the beginning, they are the most charming person at the time you meet them but transform into a monster with time

[@holistichealthhub49]

Absolutely true! On average it takes them 3 months to drop their mask and then you see their true self..😏😏

[@peaceolive1450]

This is so correct..

[@christinepeacepikisa7728]

Oh yes. They first look even more perfect than the ultimate perfect person.

[@peaceolive1450]

Dr. Evas looking so lovely in the colorful floral top..

[@loycekobusingye348]

Id, ego and superego (pleasure, reality and moral principles respectively), paired with the parenting styles are key issues in such disorders. Thank u Dr and Rachael

[@namubirujoan2015]

Dr Evas kept on saying it’s a little bit of work but it’s actually a lot of work with a narcissist!!!

[@ayebazibwebabra5368]

This is the first time I hear someone speak about this topic positively..all other people emphasize end of the relationship...Reality Check is a divine platform...May God bless this channel to keep growing to bring more light into marriages...I have learnt alot

[@julietkentaro7802]

oh yes, and the advice always is run for your life. But you need a lot of grace to put up with a narcissist and u need to find a therapist lest you loose yourself

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Amen to your prayers! Thank you so much for your moral support!

[@marthaochieng1340]

They are just never able to learning because of pride.

[@kathyalal5341]

The truth is they are hard to stay with and to love them.

[@petuamwesigwa4564]

A narcissist sees himself as perfect. He doesn’t see reason to improve himself. No intentionality on self improvement at all! It’s a hard paper , if not impossible to do.

[@maureennegesa9717]

very true

[@hopeonziajennifer2242]

Such a well done episode 😊.Could we get answers to when it becomes extremely difficult or dangerous for one’s mental health and life.These narcissistic individuals can drain 😢

[@sophietumwesigye6497]

Aunt Evas,you are a blessing to this generation.🙏.Thank you for impacting lives.

[@peaceolive1450]

Yes indeed, Rachael. Information is power!

[@bernicerogo9190]

Great conversation.I discovered this channel yesterday and I've been binging on it all day.I have learnt alot.

[@realitycheckicfc]

Thank you for watching... Let's keep learning together, grow together and change lives together

[@rosenantale2800]

Dr. Evas has articulated dis well in a way helping our brothers and sisters coz some of them don't even know they're nascisitic, well done 👏🏻 👍 thanks Rachel for such topic

[@nancykajoka1385]

I have been involved with a narcissist and it was hell for me. Couldn't help it but break up with him? It's terrible!

[@dianeseromba5743]

Always grateful fr your discussions Dr.Evas & Rachael. You have really done an amazing job at enlightening us on so many aspects. Be blessed

[@florenceojowa7706]

Very insightful conversation ❤

[@mushabenelson6450]

This is well explained. NPD is real and on an increase today. Thank you Dr. EVAS ATWINE

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Thank you so much Nelson! Your feedback is much appreciated!

[@mushabenelson6450]

@@evasatwinekansiime5106 Yo welcome Dr.

[@RoseTuhiri]

​@@evasatwinekansiime5106 Dear Dr, I need your help. How can I inbox you. Coz it's personal

[@natukundajustine8927]

this is soo helpful to very many of us, thank you soo much

[@peruthmwenkanya2508]

wow.. i love this topic.. thank you so much Doctor and Rachel.. i've learnt alot.

[@nakitendeviolah9652]

Very helpful dear 😘 thanks

[@tulanisithole]

Thank you for a powerful show. Dr. Eva says being married to someone with NPD involves a little bit of work. I beg to disagree. It is an absolute impossibility. My layman understanding is that not only are personality disorders difficult to diagnose, but it takes a really long time to get them under control and even then, they never completely go away. If you are married to someone with NPD, pack your little suitcase and run for dear life and cut all and any communication with them forever. If you delay or stick around, you will be in therapy for the rest of your life. May I suggest that at some point, you also talk about a disorder that wreaks even more havoc on relationships, namely Borderline Personality Disorder - Lord have mercy. By the way, Rachel, you are quite insightful. If you are not a Psychologist, you should be.

[@rachaelmwine]

Thank you😊 You know you’re right, personality disorders are hard to diagnose. That coupled with the fact that many times we make excuses for bad behavior so by the time you figure out this person is on the spectrum it might be too late.

[@rachaelmwine]

Thank you😊 You know you’re right, personality disorders are hard to diagnose. That coupled with the fact that many times we make excuses for bad behavior so by the time you figure out this person is on the spectrum it might be too late.

[@namirembenorah657]

This amazing am enjoying the show

[@cherublilly]

This was an interesting discussion. I hope we can have one focused on the people who have a hard time setting boundaries while dealing with NPD partners.

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

This is noted. Thanks for your feedback!!

[@WhycliffBaswire]

I really really like Dr.Evas

[@atuhairedoreen1250]

Great work. Thank you Dr.

[@irenekibone4012]

Thank you friends for sharing. I wish the whole world would hear this

[@irenem7739]

But what does a wife do after they have defined boundaries, supported, etc but the NPD doesn't change? Instead they become worse and even start another family while still married😢....

[@erickjanelleogaja455]

Dr is soo beautiful..tons of love from Canada ❤

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Thank you so much for your kind feedback!

[@dellah256]

A narcissistic person is impossible to put up with

[@normk]

You have great intellect Dr Evas every answer you give is always educational and informative you are the first person have heard who has really expounded so well about this nassisitic order other people just judge without first explaining the real cause of it.

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Thank you so much for your kind feedback! Much much appreciated!

[@sheenahnamatovu6546]

You're looking good Rachel i love your hair style Thanks for always sharing with us your knowledge

[@nantongorebecca308]

Thanks Racheal and doctor for such good info

[@loykinwa9255]

Woow, this is powerful. Bless you ladies!

[@lilliankyomukama5933]

Wow thank you so much Dr. Evas and M/s Rachel for touching on this topic! I am so glad listening in!

[@canaryambrose2123]

The main goal of therapy is healing, even narcissists, also need healing. they still bear a conscious.

[@lucyisoke5894]

The one show I have waited for all this while 🤝

[@christinepeacepikisa7728]

Suppose after you so all this, the partner chooses out and or refuses to listen to any effort to extend grace or establish boundaries? Would you agree with the decision to let the relationship go so as to focus on raising the children to be free for the extremes of this disorder?

[@ahabwamukamabenjamin220]

I love it when Dr. Atwine is alone. She gets enough time to expand on these topics. Thank you. I have learn a lot. But are there any books ref I can buy and read to get more info or expand on this?

[@kemirembesandra7613]

Very powerful!

[@blessingsharindah6710]

Hello Dr.Evas and Rach.please again talk about how one can go about finding another partner,what measures,what basics can they use to not fail in the next relationship or marriage. Thank you. Well done. You heal aloot in us.

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Thanks Arinda for your kind feedback! Yes, we will discuss this area.

[@justineamulen5755]

Dr. is wearing her watch the way my mum taught me to wear mine... I changed though 😊

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

😂😂😂

[@dorcasmatseketse]

Thank you Dr. Evas for the Enlightenment

[@assycaroline366]

When u love them more it can also be used against you.

[@charityndyeijanaki7880]

Evas you look great, and great conversation

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Thank you so much mwatu Charity! I deeply appreciate your kind thoughts!

[@gumaallan6]

woow thank you for this episode thou am requesting if you could please make an episode about BPD (borderline personality disorder) am one of your viewers who watches every show and am struggling with some traits of that disorder i need help please 🙏🏾

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Thanks for your feedback. Yes, we will consider discussing BPD.

[@jennykrim7178]

I love this lady

[@maryflorenceangiro6276]

Thank you so much Mrs Mwine for this vlog. A narcissistic partner is most cases a narcissistic parent. From children's point of view, how can I deal with a narcissistic parent?

[@FreeQueen-md7zm]

Adult "children" of Narc parent(s) as well 😒 bc if you choose to continue to have contact with them, navigating the residue of all that childhood mess, doing your best not to pass same drama/trauma to your own children, as well as possibly having to "elder" care for the same parent(s)-- is absolutely mentally/emotionally EXHAUSTING.🥺 Ain't nobody got time for that!!! 😩 Surely Not in one lifetime...🤷🏾‍♀️

[@tashalindqvist7455]

Narcissists are emotional vampires. 😰 Am a victim of one, it was Impossible to leave him coz he never let go. Remember Narcissists love ur supply so if u want to get rid of them, Cut the supply and ur free. Am glad i never got pregnant with him. I was 24/7 drained and never felt like a couple with the guy, he never told me he loved me but was addicted to me praising him. I was sad for 4yrs, and he didn’t care but enjoyed seeing me unhappy! 😭😭😭

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Sorry Tash for your experience! Yes, narcissists can really drain! If staying with one threatens their partner’s life, then it can be wise to steps of and leave

[@pauline2604]

The worst thing ever with them is getting a child with them, because it's a trap, I am with one, I am totally out,I actually would like to give my story some day staying with one and two children, it's hell here on earth 😢😢

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Very sorry Pauline! I can imagine what a struggle it can be!

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Please speak to professional therapist!

[@tashalindqvist7455]

@@evasatwinekansiime5106 - These are very weird individuals who can kidnapp ur brain. The fact that their luv is a mixture of salt and sugars, ur left confused. He cld pretend to luv me when he needed me by being so kind, be there and so on then once i say No to smthing he wld gaslight me, dump me to later on break the door and force me back to him. I was confused and a total mess!😰😰

[@loykinwa9255]

Hahahaha 😂 Oh Dr, was mukiga nesesale 😂

[@nakittohellen3934]

Thank you

[@msrquest.5122]

A Narcissistic woman is a typical and master manipulator who deals with all your senses of emotions and technically skilled to hide their nature/character...They often flip scripts to control you....e.g a cat playing with a mouse! Once you take a way her power, and discovers that she is losing, that is where she becomes more dramatic and involves all her in-laws to hurt u and make u emotional. Men are not puppets-SET CLEAR BOUNDRIES and Always remember that your mental wellbeing is vital...........

[@mwebazeannetnalubega.]

🔥🔥❤❤❤🔥🔥

[@agabajulie663]

Thank you Racheal and Dr. Evas for this conversation. I would like to ask, how do you deal with a narcissistic partner who is not even willing to change, talk or listen to you?

[@opiderapheona]

Same here.Most of these men make it hard to be talked to

[@victoriatusuubira]

Thank you very much for equipping us with this information. i request you also talk about healthy self esteem.

[@enocksamaras420]

Goodmrng ladies, Thank you for the program, am sure it has made me better man and my relationship, God bless you Rachel and Dr.

[@nakafujanatshamila7816]

then how would you build the confidence of a young child if telling them they are the best makes them narcissistic.

[@apofiagrace5508]

Can narcissist people be treated

[@PamellaKabahamba-fv8em]

I was once married to narcissistist it was hell on earth but I ended up leaving coz it couldn't work

[@mariamaya2412]

Ya I'm suffering frm NPD but am not married ,however my bf told me that I shld wrk hard coz nobody will accept me😢really ..And most of the comments are so negative why

[@realitycheckicfc]

Hello @mariamaya you are not alone, we are sure many people have been where you are and eventually they found a way... How about if we showed you a way out, would you be interested in talking to someone professional about it? If yes, then contact Dr. Evas Atwine Kansiime directly via the contacts displayed in the captions and you will never be the same again.

[@manuelasayana1376]

How do i talk to him? 13 years of marriage yet He beats, verbally abuses, neglects his children's needs, accuses me falsely, never apologizes for any hurtful things he does, he can disappear for over a month without any communication then comes back behaving the same way and worse.... How do i talk to such a person who does not show up for any talk yet doesn't answer my calls? Nobody is listening or understanding what I'm dealing with 😢 The list is endless, may God help us!

[@1inemill]

I’m so sorry you have to Go through this. Seek help for yourself in the time being, your children are being affected.

[@manuelasayana1376]

I've tried, he has stopped me from communicating with his family​ yet 3 of my children go to a far off boarding school in his village but I won't back down, thank you for this 🌹@@1inemill

[@peaceolive1450]

Oh dear...this is horrible. What You're going through is certainly unbearable. Please reach out to Dr. Evas. I believe she can get you some help. You and your children need to find safety.

[@lilliankyomukama5933]

#HumilityIsAStrength!

[@joywkimathi]

Okay so we're now telling victims of narcissism to help the villains😢 Guys we have a long way to go imagine having her as your therapist.

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Thanks Joy for your feedback. I apologise if I came off like Iam asking the victims of narcissism to help the villains. However, it’s important for you to consider that it’s unwise for any professional therapist to give outright and generic advise to partners of narcissists to just quit! One of the reasons for this is that you as a therapist did not make the decisions for them when they were getting married to them. A case by case analysts with a professional therapist always helps victims of narcissism to make decisions regarding whether to cope/thrive or quit the marriage. Also, please note that quitting is never as simple as it sounds because of the so many dynamics and stakes involved in marriage. As such, please understand that only an unprofessional therapist that would incite people with generic and hazardous advice! If you are experiencing any form of narcissism, my advice would be for you to find and speak to a professional therapist that can help you with individualized support. But please keep in mind that, intimately, the decision to stay or quit has to be made by you. I hope this helps!

[@winnieangella7572]

But doctor ain’t we supposed to love our self

[@maureennegesa9717]

Its so sucking.. every time you complain ..you are being ungrateful😥😥 such relationships are draining

[@deborahkyarasiime2148]

Plse God forgive me, i tell my little boy he is the best in the whole world. I do it to cheer him & amplify him just

[@assycaroline366]

Can prayers help a narcissistic person? Some answers please?

[@AnnaAnjikwi]

Yes God is able to turn around the situation of such a person through prayer

[@kevinatalk327]

Easier said

[@esthernsiimenta7719]

Thank you sincerely for sharing your wisdom and dedicating your time to support us! I have a question regarding relationships: What advice would you offer to someone in a relationship with a narcissist? If the relationship hasn't progressed to marriage but displays narcissistic tendencies in one or both partners, should they consider ending it? Is there a possibility of making it work and eventually fostering a healthy and thriving relationship or marriage if they decide to stay together? Thank you for your guidance! 😊

[@sunshineb1778]

If you're not married, please run for your life!

[@Sarah-hw1ss]

Run!

[@Nuwagabajoan-x3q]

Run for your life

[@Nuwagabajoan-x3q]

Zero empathy. Next time please go ahead to talk about covert narcissism. I'll be glad

[@nandutujustine5065]

Which kind of human nature is she talking about......human nature is love, empathy and compassion.... please madam do more research.

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

What you describe above is the ideal human nature; which unfortunately does not exist always! That’s why we address human dysfunctionality and pathology! Please listen attentively from beginning to end!

[@ameliakyaka1830]

Ideally. Nandutu the issue of the human heart is pitiful so I don't understand when you say that by nature we love, empathize and are compassionate. Eeeeh.... not in this world. Otherwise, we would not have the turmoil we have. It is a balance of the outburst of pride and plight of humility. It is the battle of the ego, self righteousness against or humility. It is the gunpowder of hatred versus kindness. The light and dark! What more research do we need to first of all admit that we are broken and live in a broken world? Your suggestion is the ideal world and yes, there is goodness and peace where the nature you are talking about is being practiced. So, let us strive for what you have mentioned. Dr Evans and Rachael, thank you for causing us to reason about this disorder.

[@evasatwinekansiime5106]

Thank you so much Ameria for this very detailed and helpful submission! And thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers!

[@Gracenew-ms7wj]

You are describing a born again spirit nature

[@nandutujustine5065]

@@evasatwinekansiime5106 my dear there is no need of listening to such information from the beginning up to the end when she's just gumbling with half baked information the problem with Africans they don't like reading and research so they just follow whoever opens the mouth to speak......... Human nature is God's..... that's love, empathy and compassion.....it will be for all decades.thanks.