19: Recipe for a Secure, Healthy Relationship with Stan Tatkin

[@radicalhonesty3628]

can't focus on the video, drowning in shame: - absolute failure in my career - unattractive/overweight/diabetic - zero friends , never been in a relationship - poverty - shackled by the past, by my fears (no idea how to turn my life around)

[@Goojie45]

Im a wave ish,, my partner is a pretty strong island. We have just separated. I’m so sad. If only he would listen to this,,, I hope he misses me. 🙏

[@regiz5358]

Hope you are doing well‼️‼️

[@HugDealer]

Stan Tatkin is one of the best speakers and authors in the world in my opinion. His insights and depth are just amazing. Thank you so much for this video. It is absolutely awesome!!

[@lisachung2409]

Just found your podcast. Can people feel completely secure in a relationship without marriage? Seems like there are more couples unwilling to get married but say they’re committed for the long haul.

[@kirstinstrand6292]

As they often say, marriage is just a piece of paper. Perhaps it's a matter of expectations and how each person is raised. Some believe Marriage is sacred; others, not.

[@Anne.....]

Tatkin says that homeless people and mentally ill people sometimes form secure relationships. I honestly don't understand this or believe it. Mentally ill people as well as homeless people are per definition very traumatized people and they haven't experienced any kind of secure attachment in their childhood and therefore wouldn't know how to form a secure attachment as adults. Also, should it be possible that they were able to form a secure relationship, then the next conclusion would be that this secure relationship would eventually heal their attachment traumas, and then they would start functioning better and better and at some point not be mentally ill or homeless anymore. Has anyone ever seen this happen?

[@lemon1314us]

Music IS INDEED too loud and distracting : (

[@NeilSattin]

So sorry! We barely use the music in our more recent episodes, and were still figuring it out back in episode 19! I hope you kept listening, though! Lots of good information here :-)

[@lemon1314us]

Oh, I am sorry too, I think I sounded too harsh lol... Loved the show... and wanted to share with my BF... but I know he won't have the patience to sit through the opening with such loud music background it is really hard to listen to lol... I have to skip through it too, even though the content was great. THANKS for posting great content about relationship topics... People can really use more of those than the kind that only teaches men and women how to play games in the dating world lol. THANK YOU :D

[@FaceOfTheCity.StPete]

You both are incredibly articulate and dialogue so well together. Thank you for sharing this invaluable information ❤️

[@roelofventer1729]

This interview has taught me TONNES about myself! Thank you so much! In my case, my attachment type comes into play almost right from the first moment of meeting someone and the stronger the connection, the more prevalent my attachment type becomes. For me it does NOT only happen once I have committed or known someone for an extended period.

[@lisazimmerman3780]

So many people would benefit from listening to this. Thank you.

[@NeilSattin]

Thanks Lisa!! Would appreciate anything you can do to get the word out :-)

[@chilloften]

So interesting, I wish to find a partner interested at this depth.

[@markmcnown6797]

Good lord I almost turned it off during the intro. The background music was way too loud. Please tone that down a little

[@regiz5358]

Amazing 😉 love how genuine this doctor is simply fantastic! I met a guy that said that we are not compatible and my view wasn’t that was simply that he was reacting to everything I said instead of convey or telling me that he wasn’t comfortable talking about certain subjects. Left me walking on eggshells feeling that I could not be MYSELF‼️‼️‼️‼️

[@jodirowe2996]

Many of us are surprised once we become committed, feelings rise to the surface

[@writer1986]

I love psychology, especially child psychology, and this topic has been my favorite thus far.... It's made me think about not only my own relationship with my husband (and how we can improve what we already positively have), but also those of close friends and families. I know couples who consist of islands and waves, and neither partner knows how to respond to the other person, therefore their relationship starts falling through time; I know couples who attached to one another right away, where one partner moved in right after date #2, and 5+ years later they finally walk down the aisle together due to family pressure, but I see their unhappiness in the way they talk and respond to one another and in their body language.... Neil, I'm recommending your podcasts to friends and families!

[@basiaramona68]

I'm very grateful for this interview and I found it. Thank you.

[@koroglurustem1722]

I am sure millions of people will discover this interview and benefit tonnes from it. Thanks Neil for this podcasts and your well informed questions and comments. This is world class

[@hard2getitrightagain314]

the banjo music is a huge distraction opening credits. I almost didn't make it through. I thought my phone was playing two videos at once

[@chrisw9399]

insightful

[@jizcamox]

It's quite true that the intro music is really awful and way too loud. You must strain to hear the voice over the blaring banjo. Having said that, I've heard a number of interviews with Stan Tatkin and this is one of the best. Host asks good questions.

[@AmberMcQuiston]

Agreed

[@indigoblue4791]

I really enjoyed it!!

[@maximilianbatz2070]

On the other hand it creates recognition, like a radio spot jingle

[@sallygriffen5932]

too many commercials on this show

[@NeilSattin]

I had accidentally changed a setting that automatically created way too many ad breaks! Sorry about that - all videos will be fixed pronto!

[@ЮлияМихеева-ю2е]

And yet, John Gray says to let the men go to their caves, and not to disturb them when they are « taking a holiday » from the relationship.... so what should we do? Support each other and never let go of each other when difficulties arise? Or perhaps give each other « a space to breath » and be independent (which is a threat) for awhile?

[@regiz5358]

I am a wave!!!!

[@whoatethechocolate]

What if you have a seemingly narcissistic partner that only focuses on themselves? So much of this content seems to be created for people who just need a nudge here and there, not for those who struggle with an egotistical partner.

[@jenniferalexander8336]

@@EverythingLvl find an attachment couple's therapist because they can help heal attachment wounding that leads to narcissism

[@sallyrile7601]

Hope you've left !!

[@kirstinstrand6292]

Stan Tatkin makes good sense, and he pegged me precisely, as an island.

[@11Deigratia11]

I wish you’d state the song credits… thank you

[@lindabrown8350]

Love this talk

[@avaceleste]

I have a weird question: Have you ever heard of a couple coming together as the distancer avoidant and attacher anxious attachment style (prior to the relationship) then switch roles during the relationship? I have seen this and I don’t understand how this could be…?

[@CosmicQuinoa]

When I entered my relationship a few years ago, I was more avoidant and she was more anxious. 2 years in, we had our first minor conflict and she immediately broke up with me. We patched it up but then dealt with a heavy anxious-avoidant dance for a year and a half, where I’ve been very anxious and she very avoidant. She just broke up with me again a couple weeks ago, which has been so painful, and really disappointing because we were 6 months into Emotionally Focused Therapy. 😭 Things were actually going pretty nicely and seemed like we were moving closer together… which likely added to the breakup though because it was a threat of losing independence for her.

[@avaceleste]

@@CosmicQuinoa that does sound painful. What is hopeful is how perceptive you are and how much self awareness you have. Which means you are off to a good start. All the best 💛

[@kathryncruse3669]

awesome! Really worth listening to!

[@AmberMcQuiston]

The music is sooooooooo distracting.

[@cantavoidtrite]

I enjoyed it.

[@houghton841]

Thanks that was very useful. It definitely confirmed why it's best to avoid a "love relationship" like the plague.

[@majasteinchen]

The saddest way to protect your heart is to act like you have none.