Nerd³ Plays... Totally Accurate Battle Simulator

[@0_clover740]

we may have "hello procrastinators" back, but real ones will never forget "all other music is in-game music, it makes me want to"

[@nts0n]

All other music is in-game music. It makes me want to club someone over the head.

[@aturchomicz821]

what

[@RepressedJoker]

@@aturchomicz821 there used to be a running gag in the descriptions of the videos that started with that line

[@vitalik38815]

Can we also have the jet engine turbine PC back?

[@viper2-168]

God I miss it

[@rhysseamus7921]

FYI there's a secret category with tonnes of units including tree giants, ice giants and velociraptors

[@daltonj0501]

Raptors.

[@zerozeroone4424]

How do you access those?

[@xyzabc198]

@@zerozeroone4424 Look it up on youtube, plenty of videos on where you find them

[@daltonj0501]

@@zerozeroone4424 once you unlock them they show up like every other faction

[@ponderouspanda8266]

@@zerozeroone4424 You have to look around all the maps with free cam and find hidden objects

[@ZyonAytkyn]

"We're processing this video. Check back later." What a classic Dan line!

[@seantaggart7382]

Is that what he said?

[@Wolfy3847]

I'm so glad Dan has done a video on this. No one else could quite as accurately commentate the ridiculousness of this game with equal ridiculousness

[@bossrob5209]

Jesus: Tries to sneak into the house God:Turns on light "You're home late" Jesus:"Uhhhhh, Hi Dad" God: "No more going clubbing, Jesus"

[@jumpybananas5249]

*grudging clap*

[@DeathnoteBB]

God said let there be light

[@toast4me568]

*facepalm*

[@monikamorningstarshadlo4129]

Brilliant, take this medal

[@Sarm8]

"He's been flung into space to give god a high five!" That really got me

[@Solowinged]

I always wait for those beautiful one liners that I know are in every one of Dan's videos XD

[@stillnotscaredofspiders]

"Each leap brings us closer to God." "Catch me, Lord, catch me."

[@thewingedporpoise]

Matt really did the description thing Incredible

[@bl4cksp1d3r]

But I believe the bards had lutes, banjos are smth different

[@Tyrope]

They are lutes, because that's the trope bard "weapon". Can't believe Dan hasn't fired Matt yet, geez... /s

[@michaelholt9243]

Lutes look different

[@euan9711]

When this gets public no one will understand the processing simulator

[@valornash8463]

Can confirm, don't understand

[@Revan-ek3su]

the what

[@euan9711]

@@Revan-ek3su the processing simulator. You never heard of it

[@conormorley6086]

Im guessing patreon?

[@psdnmstr4609]

Fun fact: The reason the Monkey King was so Dragon Ball is because Goku was originally based on the Monkey King!

[@emperorshaq]

“I don’t mind being late to a party, that just means less people are gonna be there” Thank you for your words of wisdom Dan I’ll be sure to pass them on to those in need

[@sircatsmeow2886]

Berty the Mammoth has reached the same Tier of amazement as Jeff the Shark.

[@accursedsidor8987]

Syfy movie of the week there. Mammy Vs Sharky

[@ItzNiekoyo]

Not as cool as Graham the Horse

[@zedbags]

"Can anything take out the vampires?" Idk, hamon I guess

[@YerpyMoose]

Nah, that was definitely digimon

[@fishpop]

Was that a JoJo's reference!?

[@Gsyking]

@@fishpop nah it’s a dragon ball z reference

[@Mireaze]

What if the video isn't actually processing, and this is just Dan's most meta joke yet?

[@ICE_Trance]

This is the longest game of rock, paper, scissors.

[@tomhoughton775]

Challenge: Design a battle so that your side wins as many times in a row as possible, but each time you win, your opponent becomes the team you won with.

[@GenericEdgyZoomer]

36:57 Hey Dan! I know a lesson you can take from this! “Quantity has a quality all its own.”

[@Sammy-kq4zf]

“Oh Jesus is dead, just give him a few days” ah yes

[@ThatBaritoneGuitarGuy]

As a war historian, I can confirm. This is totally accurate. This is totally how wars were fought.

[@danmack3173]

How's everyone enjoying the processing party?

[@shnoozezzz9752]

Having a whale of a time

[@aidenstanley7305]

Processing party, isn't that just a large group in an immigration line?

[@Formoka]

“Some Dragon Ball Z shit going on!” Dan, you know that Son Goku was based on the Monkey King Sun Wu Kong right?

[@LemurDreamer87]

Frankly though, I'd say it was more Naruto shit.

[@billyrimmer6009]

It's Sun Wukong. At least in China. In Japan it's Son Goku.

[@fishpop]

Funnily enough; a unit that's basically Goku was added with the Legacy faction.

[@teaisloveable]

"This is a murder!" Oooh I see what you did there, Dan :P

[@matthewcharles24]

When the firework archers came out, Dan showed off what he learned during his day as a WWE cameraman

[@Frumpbeard]

Death's tentacles remind me of the guy from "The Darkness 2" that uses his sentient tentacles to grab people and rip their hearts out or do various gruesome executions.

[@edgewoodclarinet]

I haven't watched this channel in years and hearing hello procrastinators brought back so many memories. Thank you for making life a little bit more bearable during my childhood. Bully and Rollercoaster tycoon 3 were my favorite!

[@WujuStyler]

We need more TABS, have Dan play around with more varied battles and the Secret units

[@DannyMakesVideosIGuess]

"Skull-crushing finale" I understood that reference. Edit: Okay so the sheer amount of wrestling references I heard in this video makes me think Dan's started watching it a lot recently

[@ArkhBaegor]

Recently? Dan has always been a wrestling fan and made tons of references

[@DannyMakesVideosIGuess]

@@ArkhBaegor Yeah but a while ago he said he hasn't been caught up as much because of some reason

[@ianmiller6040]

I just got this game and love it. I love playing the Old West map and taking control of one of the "quick draw" shooters to have one on one battles in the street, it's so much fun. Oh, and the samurai *can*, in fact, deflect bullets and arrows right back at the enemy (though it does seem to be random chance). I had a bunch of samurai face off against several quick-draw shooters and several of the gunslingers got hit and killed by their own deflected bullets! Very cool. Also, the new Legacy update is awesome. You CAN actually kill the uber-powerful Super Peasant with about 150 Wizards working together, but that's about it. That's what a million HP will do for you.

[@ToastedAlmond98]

I don't know if anyone else remembers Ooglies, but that's what the eyes on these guys makes me think of...

[@jackrabbit5736]

THE OOGLIES. The kids show with the terrifying slogan "The eyes are watching"

[@caydenclark-johnson7854]

thank you Daniel, for making a 40 minute video on a game people stopped playing 5 years ago more interesting than any other video on the website

[@benjaminwildeaudio]

Really loving your content at the moment Dan :) longtime fan here and it really seems like you're enjoying making these, it really shows

[@WinterGray8888]

I do like how dan managed to prove that this game is ridiculously well balanced by accident

[@sashawallace1916]

I don't care what else you show me in this video, the snake archers are the scariest fuckers ever!

[@RB-747]

Can anybody else hear Matt's screams slowly being smothered in the background?

[@fishpop]

Bertie is actually a pretty cute name for a mammoth... He almost took out the entire Farmer faction by himself so give a big hand for Bertie!

[@spaceman6215]

"HELLO PECRASTERNATORS" *single solitary tear runs down my cheek*

[@mynameisj9139]

I'd love to see more of this game from Dan

[@ianmiller6040]

I want to see Red Death vs. Blue Death. Edit: Never mind, they just kill each other at the same time. Boring.

[@asianboooyyy1463]

I would love to see more of this, especially if you use the legacy and secret units you can unlock by looking for weapons around the maps, there are some ridiculously strong units. Also the outcome of the battle can vary based on the distance, number of units, and which units go against each other.

[@jblakeplays2541]

"If it bleeds, you can kill it" Deadpool: *laughs in being able to regenerate from a single blood cell* (Check the comic books/google it, it happened)

[@zedbags]

So 682

[@jblakeplays2541]

@@zedbags Yes, but no, but kinda

[@treyveden539]

"If it bleeds, we can kill it" is a line from 'Predator: The Musical' a great parody video on KZbin. Look it up, it's hilarious. My favourite line is, "stop shaving, you don't have a beard!"

[@CherryBomb_Games]

I believe that's when he was cursed by Thanos to never die.

[@niss8169]

TreyVedEn I think the phrase is a lot older than that, actually.

[@itsbombervr8611]

Just a little hint, there are secret units in every kind of level! You must find them

[@TigerGamer1643]

34:49 Death just Grabbing a miner then quickly dragging him off screen Nearly made me spit out my drink 😂

[@fiercestpond4722]

I sort of love how dan just dropped his dnd knowledge in this video and nobody has wanted him to start a dnd podcast yet

[@jacksonmather3305]

Watching since like 2012. Haven’t watched since 16. Nothings changed, you’re still as funny as I remember. Thanks for making my childhood.

[@stormblade2895]

A lot changed but he started returning back to normal just recently

[@MichaelDuntz]

"You're treating a symptom, and the disease rages on, consumes the human race. The fish rots from the head, as they say. So my thinking is, why not cut off the head?"

[@MagusAgrippa8]

Well, you know a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

[@nathanholland8812]

...it's not a perfect metaphor...

[@same424]

Thoroughly enjoyed this video, so glad to see you making classic content again. Totally awesome bro, seriously.

[@williampaul4265]

“Joeled him” made me cry lol

[@JamesHanks]

I just started watching you recently, and I love how I can watch your older videos and still enjoy them, I’m watching the GTA vids you make 6 years ago and it’s still amazing funny 💙

[@caramelldansen2204]

"Pay-tree-on" has to be my favourite opening sting so far!

[@cam75501]

what you learned is that real combat is just rock paper scissors with extra steps.

[@randomchannel3609]

Just saying there are secret units in the game maybe you could do a part 2 with all the secret units.

[@B2BAction]

I’ve been watching nerd3 for so many years and still never fails to bring great humour in videos

[@Dragula59]

hearing hello procrastinators gave me war flashbacks

[@crackedemerald4930]

Ah yes, the elements, fire, ice, explosive, snake, skeleton and balloons

[@aliceford3692]

PA-TRE-ON. It’s in the game! I actually laughed out loud for once 😂😂

[@WarhammerWings]

0.25 speed,Dan sounds like a bumbling, guzzling drunkard, lol! And at 10:20, with captions,I lost it. *"He's taken an arrow to the old mystical Souls."* XD

[@ToonedMinecraft]

34:27 I have heard that validation is a good way to beat Death Itself!

[@StandardGoose]

It takes a good guy with a gun to beat a bad guy with a scythe.

[@karstenroelofs9216]

8:20 a group of crows is called a murder isn't it? Clever Dan

[@koboldparty4708]

There is at least one noted instance from ancient times of someone (Hannibal Barca, actually) fighting enemy ships by launching venomous snakes at them in pots.

[@seantaggart7382]

36:08 wait is the end of death canon happening? *Stab* YES IT'S HAPPENING

[@seantaggart7382]

0:20 Introverts: YAY!!

[@jimmorrison3432]

I haven't even got beyond the appearance of the snake archers and already this is the greatest video ever to appear on the internet

[@MadSpacePig]

Your multiple year long transformation into Clarkson is complete. This entire video was narrated in the exact same style he narrated Star in a reasonably priced car.

[@CraigUntlNytTym]

TAPS Totally Accurate Processing Simulator

[@fightnite12]

HE BROUGHT BACK THE PROCRASTINATORS. ITS BEEN 2 YEARS SINCE IVE BEEN HERE. IM LOOSING MY MIND.

[@altdelet3778]

I haven’t laughed this hard in a month, more Dan please.

[@Lickicker]

my favorite fight had to be the vampires vs sword casters, because the vampires basically all pounced them as they were shrugging off getting stabbed in the back

[@stevegoodson9022]

So no-one told you this was gonna be a land battle, your weapon's a joke you're broke, your longship's DOA

[@benvanderwegen]

No kidding, probably one of the best videos you've done

[@ItsTheCLaUD]

Fun fact: it seems dan doesn’t know about the secret units, of which there are a shit ton, and also many of which are pretty strong.

[@synchronizedelbow5702]

Harpooner: "Aha!! I've harpooned yer cannon!!" Cannonballer: "Congrats... you've steadied my aim." Harpooner: "..."

[@StansStuff]

One of my fave videos in the last few months. Love it :)

[@Croatilillious]

Sometimes I feel like your videos are too short and I want them to go on forever. This is one of those times.

[@whatifkarlmarxbutbad3660]

"I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took literally hundreds of arrows to the bits and pieces." If there's an Elder Scrolls set after Skyrim...

[@farshnuke]

Dan I'd appreciate more videos on this. It's a good one for your humor.

[@easyboarder]

Now THIS is the Nerd³ humor I got addicted to! Keep it up you beautiful bastard :D

[@gummyfizzle1595]

This video helped me understand one very important thing and that’s quantity always beats quality in war

[@ValhemasaurusRex]

I was half expecting you to possess one of the units at some point and I thought you'd know about the secret category!

[@minuspi8372]

Jarls are MASSIVELY powerful. Ice Archers are one of the few units that even pose a threat to them with matched points.

[@thekosmickollector7748]

this felt like a classic NerdCubed video and i really enjoyed it thank you

[@batchiej]

Absolutely loving these regular uploads!

[@LazyGuyCoyote]

Not only is the game getting a big update soon for creating your own units but you can also possess units which I find to be fun.

[@aligallaton3978]

I love the Jonathan Pearce, Robot Wars-style commentary, very, very nice

[@ratmancrimes]

27:53 - accurate representation of the American revolution

[@pedroscoponi4905]

Monks beating up samurai is both historically accurate and quite enjoyable!

[@sharpe5209]

All I can say is I love your videos and just everything about you and your videos that make them special and different

[@tm4609]

Really enjoyed this video, I haven't laughed this hard for ages.

[@mikewaymouth]

Probs just me but coz I’ve watched the vids with his dad so much every time he does his intro I expect a ‘WooHoo’ as well Hahahaha love u DAN!!!!

[@pop5678eye]

Anyone ever wondered why 'musketeer' (literally, a soldier wielding a musket) became synonymous with someone only fighting with a sword and perhaps a pistol but never an actual musket?

[@sammylvr7912]

"It was a fucking Banjo - Matt" i love this channel.

[@GrandiaKnight]

I feel like this would make a good stream game with Matt or Jon.

[@thevinaigretteboy]

now ya gotta do it with the Secret Units. also if u had done a couple more clubber tests, the odds are pretty close, no need for point bias

[@misslexie5796]

It was a feast for those crows

[@WillLevick]

The fact my smaller than usual Lhasa Apso is called Bertie makes this video 100x funnier to me

[@flashbacker8935]

Wish he used the Slowmo button lmao. You should do a series or smthin on the campaign missions, they're actually really cool and it'd be fun to see you try and beat them.

[@paulstomach5176]

More of this please, I love ur commentation!

[@joeymarrey9077]

We all forgot what we were missing until you started popping back our recommended

[@nothing6036]

So many quotable lines are in this video This is already a top ten nerdcubed video

[@dan-el6015]

13:14 You sir, are brilliant XD Also fucking snake archers made me laugh so much it hurt XD

[@boooooooga]

From someone who has been with tabs from the start and its the best strategic battle simulator

[@ethankly12]

Oh my goodness I don't think he realizes that he can manually control them...I DEMAND ANOTHER VIDEO!