John Mulaney Got Cheated Out of $120K | Netflix Is A Joke

[@mohammedzain9663]

"And you fucking SPENT IT ALREADY!!" The way he says it gets me every time

[@Juju2927]

That's the "THE AUDACITY OF THIS BITCH !" Tone. Glorious.

[@livinlikelarry8788]

1k

[@stutineelam1157]

it's more like "and you facking SPENTITALREADAY"

[@morpheus-thrall]

@@stutineelam1157 I would pay to see the subtitles you’d write for this video 😂😂

[@drawnwithlove3499]

He sounds like an angry southern middle aged woman and I love it

[@mchllme]

This video is missing the best line where he goes “FOR A LANGUAGE I ALREADY SPOKE”

[@Chabels01]

iChellezm I was waiting for it.

[@morty100mgdistillategummy7]

Seriously though, an editor butchered the ending.. WTF!?!

[@domystique]

RIGHT???

[@Danielle-ty8mx]

Pure John Mulaney energy is 1940's sports broadcaster with curse words and excellent comedic timing

[@hopoffmydick9574]

Dani Renee also that everyone thinks is pure but is simultaneously the most chaotic god of evil you’ve ever seen

[@leilanilamour5173]

I want to like your comment, but it’s at 666. 🤘🏼😎

[@mellymel6543]

@@leilanilamour5173 problem solved, like away 😂

[@PrinceRandomness]

Dani Renee true

[@CrepeSuzetteDance]

He has a a kind of phonetic clip and a slight lisp that works well with all the details and information he blasts through.

[@OneAndOnlyYesMan]

“I gave you more money than the civil war cost” an underrated line

[@popcornchicken9762]

I also think its wrong... (But you know comedy)

[@nyandoesthings]

@@popcornchicken9762 I think it's correct if its not adjusted for inflation (and of course you're only counting financial cost, not any of the lives lost)

[@brendangalligan]

@@nyandoesthings yeah, not even close. In 1861 dollars the civil war cost $6 billion. That's $71B in 2020 dollars.

[@Dovahkiin049]

@@brendangalligan still a funny line

[@guyinagame4793]

@@brendangalligan that absolutely cannot be true bro, because 6 billion dollars in 1913 is equal to 172 billion today. And the civil war was 50 years before that… so yeah it would probably worth we’ll over 200 billion. Not to mention the civil war only cost 5.2 billion… not 6 so idk where u got any of this information from

[@tianna6933]

"do my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep" is the question i end every single day with

[@AmaraEmme]

lovelachambers sleeeep

[@the_well-known_stranger2275]

This is my life.

[@juggernot92]

I had a different game show called do I hate my friends or am I just hungry. I'm gonna let you know now, it always ends with me coming back from the cafeteria. Saying I'd like to apologize for what I said and the tone in which I said it.

[@ipraytovodka]

that joke gets regurgitated on twitter and other websites that use twitter posts as memes on almost a daily basis

[@Hakajin]

Maybe you should lay off the Adderol.

[@wrenk3165]

“Which was fun, cause mail, y’know?” I do know, tall child. I love getting mail.

[@wendyhaun2559]

Except most of my mail nowadays is requesting money from me. And usually not my alma maters, but places like the utility company.

[@hunterblanchard6538]

I don’t think there is a better description for this man than a tall child.

[@sentient.dumpling]

when i get mail its either bills or terrible news

[@partsofearth]

Come to Germany 😂

[@MichelleSudarsono]

wow I feel dumb, I thought he said "male" and I got so confused! I thought he was being sarcastic like, men don't like receiving letters or something.

[@BlakieTT]

I love how he fancifully prances across the stage, like a deer. A deer that's out of $120,000.

[@essennagerry]

Like a deer that's got feminine hips And is out of $120,000

[@AnnabellaRedwood]

Thanks for making me laugh. 😀

[@DillonHiggins]

@@albrechtdurer86 oh shut the hell up...

[@muufle]

@@DillonHiggins I don't think that is how text works...

[@louise4152]

An asian-american doe with feminine hips that is out of $120,000.

[@andy-espo]

“how dare you clap for the worst financial decision of my life” well i know what’s going on my graduation cap lmao

[@pirateprincess1997]

Please tell me you did that 🤣🤣🤣

[@andy-espo]

@@pirateprincess1997 i did! one of the better decisions of my academic career

[@samaraisnt]

You can tell he's _legitimately_ bitter with them, because he did not even want to do them the favor of dropping their name so they could claim him as an alumnus. I love it.

[@dulce5616]

he went to Georgetown, he's mentioned it before

[@madisonrose6403]

he didn’t mention them because he didn’t want to be sued because they’re such a big school

[@robynd4546]

"and they wear a shirt that says 'school'" perfect

[@rebelredshirt_2188]

He just doesnt mention the school because the argument applies to all schools, that way the joke is relateable to everyone, not just the people who went to georgetown.

[@billyalarie929]

@@rebelredshirt_2188 this. like how are you people not getting this? jesus christ.

[@kelseysbookrecs]

As a college senior I very much want “how dare you clap for the worst financial decision I ever made in my life” on my grad cap

[@californiabratt97]

Kelsey Rogers I must do this

[@Gingerm0nster]

DO IT

[@serenivy]

Do it!!!

[@creamsicleorange8266]

Do it

[@sevencats4964]

Do it

[@_aiko020]

I like that he just angrily prances around the stage while he repeats "$120,000"

[@21centuryhippie61]

I like your pfp, lol

[@LamZL1]

Funny thing is.. he's prob earned it back during the duration of that rant 😂

[@xjdfghashzkj]

It's not easy to prance angrily, but boy can John pull it off

[@giggukbangbangbang1874]

he prances around the stage ranting about $120,000 like a Taiga

[@katies_cuties]

"they tricked {him}"

[@sheeeeeesh2965]

”I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen…and then I didn’t” will always be one of my favorite lines

[@jacobtebbe4435]

“And then I didn’t!” That might just be the most relatable statement in the world

[@diatplay]

...the best punchline I've heard in ages!

[@JuanHernandez-zx5xb]

As a college senior I very much want “how dare you clap for the worst financial decision I ever made in my life” on my grad cap

[@MalloryNewcomb]

As someone who got an English minor and had several classes with English majors it always just stunned me how often people were like “and then I didn’t”

[@Red-S-267]

I wish wish my English would have had me read Jane Austin it would hav even way less dry than some of the crap we did have to read… so glad I only had one semester of English in college

[@LordPrometheous]

I showed up for my English Lit final and the other students looked at me and I heard some of them whispering, "he's in this class?" Yeah, I didn't AF in that class. Nobody wants to pay to be forced to read Jane Austen and John Keats.

[@mikayleebales3774]

His angry delivery is maybe the best thing I've ever heard

[@JA-ug7wq]

He's so outraged, I love it.

[@novelistpoetry]

an outraged immortal toddler in a really gay suit

[@spacemanx9595]

@@novelistpoetry suits are gay now?

[@novelistpoetry]

@@spacemanx9595 that one is

[@depressedbreakfast2614]

If that suits gay then get me a pride flag because it looks great!

[@parisrollins422]

"Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?" is the best description of undergrad tbh

[@karyncanup4311]

That has to be someone's senior quote somewhere

[@jazmyndebono4927]

Freshmen and college and woke up thinking my roommate hated me for NO reason turns out she just had a bloody nose and I needed more sleep

[@rburp123]

I laughed so hard, it's so true, what a crazy time of life, I so dearly wish I could do it all over again, I woulda done more shit that people said that I shouldn't.

[@rburp123]

@Jessica Stein There's plenty of time to hangout and you know it! if you can sit here and watch this high-waisted man Mulaney do stand-up then you can kick it with your homies. Go hang out before you're 40 and looking back and realizing you too school too seriously, and didn't build any lasting friendships. I mean still take school seriously, but don't make THAT big a deal of it. The bigger thing is internships and who you meet. One of my buddies from class almost helped me get my first job out of college (I chose a different one, but it was nice having the option). People don't give a shit about your grades past the very first interview for your very first job after college. After that it's all about experience, skills, networking, and the ability to be friendly in an interview. Anyways... sorry for typing up this essay to what I'm pretty sure was just a joke comment, but if this does manage to help even one person who randomly reads it then I'm happy.

[@jsizzlesaurusrex]

Answer: yes

[@charliebear2048]

How do you think John Mulaney feels knowing that he's defined a generation, and that that generation isn't his?

[@whosaidthisandthat]

i honestly think he'd be proud

[@Kenny-jl1st]

@@whosaidthisandthat yeah-

[@314rft]

If the generation is millenials, I thought he was one. He's either that or the very *very* tail end of gen x to the point where he basically is a millenial.

[@rachelconsoli8428]

He’s right on the cusp of Gen x/millennials because millennials are ‘81-‘96 and he’s ‘82, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he identifies more with his fellow millennials given his scarily accurate bits 😂❤️

[@nyandoesthings]

@@314rft I think they're referencing gen z actually. None of us talk about it, but the entire generation is a squabble of mulaney groupies. I've never heard a single person my age reference him but I've also never met someone my age who isn't a fan.

[@AlexanderMoen]

Some of the best parts of this bit were cut out. "Yeah, that's right, I paid $120,000 to learn a language that I ALREADY SPOKE!"

[@tayeb7031]

also the " baby aspirin in a duffle bag" bit

[@alynthimarie6744]

tayeb Please elaborate?? I'm intrigued

[@ChrisPierreBacon]

I paid $120,000 to walk across a stage hungover in a gown sweating alcohol and ecstasy to get a degree for reading books that I didn't read.

[@matthewfuerst6456]

tayeb That Website looks like it’s gonna give me a virus but I want to see what you were talking about so wish me luvk

[@alansalgado2740]

His joke about buying the cow is gold

[@thezekroman]

"Hello, I'd like to return this, it's unused." "Sir, this is an animal science degree" "Cash is fine"

[@launabanauna8958]

thezekroman Lol! If only it really worked that way.

[@SLCtica]

Ha. Political science

[@jahrta]

Wtf is "animal science"?

[@giorgiomauceri410]

4$,take it or leave it...

[@thedailybullshit4033]

Hi are you my mother? Because my mother spent 4 years getting an Animal Science degree only to become a state trooper and have never used it once.

[@pidgey_10]

‘I gave you more money than the Civil War cost, and you spent it already?!’ John Mulaney is a gift from God that we need but don’t deserve

[@juniorzablosky9608]

Now I want to know how much the civil war cost

[@Nintendont64]

@@juniorzablosky9608 A fuck ton more

[@anchyi1202]

John Milaney is a gift of God you should be proud to own cause I don't have him... I'm European and our stand up jokes? Vulgar jokes and cringey forced laughs

[@michellelovesanberli]

Anchy idk...I really love Russell and Jack though

[@MalrexMontresor]

@@juniorzablosky9608 About $6 billion back then, in today's money it would be a lot more.

[@ryasanovar8175]

*"AND THEN I DIDN'T"* Is the most powerful statement of all time

[@stirrcrazy2704]

I have a friend that says “you have the AUDACITY?” A lot, I always think it’s hilarious. I asked why they said it and they told me to watch John Mulaney. I am not disappointed

[@juliekrol]

Stirrcrazy I think all English grads have that embedded in their vocabulary. Sadly, I too use it.

[@stirrcrazy2704]

Julie Krol it’s not a bad thing, it’s a great phrase!

[@samkonstan2333]

I can’t hear the word audacity without hearing this bit

[@blueocean702]

@@samkonstan2333 same!

[@dumaskhan]

"I paid 120 thousand dollars to earn a degree in a language I already spoke."

[@GDub96]

There's one born every minute. : )

[@GuessWhooou]

Lol... people studying English, right?

[@Usama42034]

I paid total 120 dollars to learn English on KZbin in 3 months😂 You know internet is expensive😂

[@Hellwyck]

Yeah, because that's what it means...

[@m.s.rotpar7953]

@@Hellwyck kzbin.info/www/bejne/eoObdWhmfJd1b68

[@leonphelps6929]

What kind of a cokehead relative is my college?? You’ve spent it already??😂😂😭😭

[@Kai-mc2gu]

I will take the honor of being your first comment

[@leonphelps6929]

iTz Kazenake thank you good sir😂😂...out of over 2k likes 😂😂😭😭

[@Kai-mc2gu]

You are so very welcome

[@ElTokeMaestro]

Leon Phelps well ill be the second

[@leonphelps6929]

The_UPS_GUY we can always count on ups to come thru😂😂

[@Lawsonomy1]

When my college calls and asks for money, they are very persistent. Even when I tell them the truth, that I'm medically disabled and haven't worked for years they pull out the "any amount you can give is fine." The one thing I found that really works is telling them I'm medically disabled and can't work, then asking them for money. That shuts them up real fast. I know I look like a safe bet on paper, 2 masters degrees in mathematics and chemical engineering, but life sucks sometimes, and your body falls apart in your last semester of graduate school.

[@wildfirefox1]

Lol be like "you put me in unimaginable debt and I live in poverty. Why don't you give me some money, b-tch?"

[@notsure1969]

Is my two cents enough?

[@mr.martinez6932]

> and your body falls apart in your last semester of graduate school. I hope things are going better for you O:-) in terms of college calls -- my cellphone is my only phone, and I have the number for "The Annual Fund" or whatever it's called clearly labelled. So when they call, I see right away who it is, and I just ignore that shit or hit the red "hang up" button. I've long wanted to finally answer, tell them to fuck right off and remove me from their lists. But I do take part in some charity events with the alumni association (that benefit students, not themselves) & I don't want the blowback. So, labelled number, ignored calls and that nice red button. Done done and done.

[@A_C_E_13]

“How *D A R E* you clap! How *D A R E* you clap for the worst financial decision I’ve ever made in my entire _life.”_

[@jasminedavis3030]

College in a nutshell. I couldn’t have described it better myself.

[@ahza1628]

Timestamp?

[@tunaparlar7235]

@@ahza1628 the ending

[@Nerd_777]

@@ahza1628 4:26

[@dreamygray3337]

As an English major, this hurts.

[@mememe1011]

Guess that 120k English degree did him some good because he's the clearest spoken person I've ever heard! 🤣

[@tonyacosta4574]

Your hot lol

[@DarthYodaJammin]

That's the Catholic church

[@theemostutterqueenp4253]

*StReeT SmArTs !*

[@erikamaya3596]

Eileen Thompson For Real, did you ever overhear conversation between English major students, so much unnecessary eloquent words

[@najlasmith8933]

Eileen Thompson 🤣😭

[@fireinateacup89]

He’s so graceful. He moves like he’s a cat in a suit with a jaunty accent. So delightful.

[@autumnishere420]

This is the best description of John Mulaney I’ve ever seen.

[@happybirthday146]

I'll watch him as Jack Skellington in the inevitable live action remake of THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

[@fireinateacup89]

@@happybirthday146OMG he was freaking born for that role!!

[@humanbeing5396]

Jaunty? Damn! You must be an English major.

[@fireinateacup89]

@@humanbeing5396 lol. Film major actually. But I love words.

[@heyyitscj9408]

Ranboo has ruined this for me, now everytime I hear "give us some money" I'm like "oh, ranboo made some money"

[@rainbowelf4923]

same

[@pipnick6160]

WHEN THAT HAPPENED I JUST DROPPED MY PHONE AND POKED MY EYES SO HARD I SHALL NEVER SEE AGAIN

[@Soda_Joy]

I was going to say”give us some money “ To some all the mcyt

[@amethystaria6783]

Same!

[@coffeeislife21]

It just sounds different to me now hearing it

[@jj_judah365]

Give us some MONEY- Give us a gift, but ONLY IF ITS MONEYYY

[@bella-jt9cb]

bday mood am I right😂😂

[@sadstormtrooper]

Every wedding invitations these days

[@theresanoelle]

me every year on my birthday

[@MxDae]

Me every month @ KZbin staff

[@JuanHernandez-zx5xb]

"do my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep" is the question i end every single day with

[@meyoi3329]

They said, uhh... how did they phrase it? What did they- “GIVE US SOME MONEY” For some reason that physically broke me

[@Neutral_Tired]

We want a gift, but only of its MONEY!!

[@amiraebrahim1008]

“I lived like a goddamn ninja turtle” is a tragically underrated line of his

[@sarvolkskaya]

my ex has it tattooed LOL

[@mrhappy3032]

Lmfao 🤣 3:20🤣😂🤣😂😂😂😂🤣🤣

[@D_lit_Z]

I was gonna comment that ! It's unhealthy how much this line defines my current lifestyle

[@wix677]

It's the line that almost never fails to make me laugh

[@jenniferwhite2945]

​@@D_lit_Z what does it mean? I mean, I know the ninja turtles... Even learned the dance to vanilla ice's ninja Rap when I was in like 8th or 9th grade... LOL (don't judge me)... Just don't get the joke in this context...

[@shaughncasey4385]

The funny part is a few minutes later, he does a whole bit in rhymed couplets. I'd say he has put his English major to very good use.

[@mordaciousfilms]

"They wear shirts that say SCHOOL" cracked me up!

[@seangriffin7]

I want a shirt that just says SCHOOL now

[@futbolplaya07]

You can say theese things whenever Georgetown isn’t something you brag about lol

[@toastedjoe1013]

Isn't that a shitty ripoff of John Belushi's "College" shirt from Animal House?

[@noodles806]

“ Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?” SO EFFIN TRUE LOLOLOLOL

[@edienandy]

Kickstands Up! Omg ikr?

[@RaneBoDasch]

The title makes its seem like Netflix owes him money

[@Abdega]

For all we know, they might

[@sparks6177]

Ik I’d already heard this bit in his special or something and remembered the part where he was kicking the college screaming “WHERES MY MONEY YOU MUUTHEER FUCKEER” and imagined it was him but with Netflix somehow that makes it funnier

[@MultiSuperzed]

999 likes now, no more likes please

[@matute33]

That's why it has 4.3 Million views, they put that intentional

[@jico5147]

Aditya why?

[@tylerwarner3677]

"What is college? Stop going till we figure it out." This needs to be more widely applied haha

[@not_ian5543]

“I gave you more money than the Civil War cost, and you spent it already?!”

[@trial_with_an_error9687]

It’s the walk

[@connortait9756]

*KZbin recommends this to me on my first day of college* *IS ENGLISH EDUCATION MAJOR* *sweats profusely*

[@conancat]

The universe has spoken. Sometimes the universe sounds like John Mullaney but the universe has spoken nonetheless.

[@jingerstorm]

if you arent joking about being an english major, please change your major. I was an accounting major and i still cant find any jobs, I'd suggest either going to trade school or a technology degree like computer science.

[@connortait9756]

@@jingerstorm I still want to be an English major, don't get me wrong. I would love to enrich people's lives and have deep conversations with them about what writing means and even about everyday life. It's just funny to me how all this happened 😅 But I am very sorry

[@connortait9756]

@@LK-Design I think English Education major is useful enough, but I can minor in maybe creative writing or something similar I'm sure

[@conancat]

@@connortait9756 ayy, you do you! Don't let the universe bring you down. Just remember that there are many jobs out there beyond what you initially studied for, and a lot of those jobs will say that they need a degree that you don't have. Apply for them anyway. You learn more than just hard skills for your degree, and a lot of the knowledge can be applied in more than just a narrow field. Source: I graduated as a graphic designer. Today I'm a software engineering lead and solution architect. I have no computer science degree, lol.

[@Alfred-F-Jones]

no words have more accurately described the college experience than *_"DO MY FRIENDS HATE ME OR DO I JUST NEED TO GO TO SLEEP?"_*

[@ekdud2772]

I looked this clip up bc rn college feels exactly like that quote. Running on 13 hours of sleep and still exhausted, wondering if all my friends hate me and are just waiting for me to realize

[@cat-her-ine]

"GIVE US SOME MONEY" Wow. I can't believe I found the source of Ranboo's alert.....

[@rukalias]

EII

[@jibblejoobers]

Yesssss

[@zxlty]

yEah

[@whosaidthisandthat]

GIV US SUM MONAYY

[@thecrazygooseofyourdreams4785]

Lmaooo

[@JazGalaxy]

My favorite line in this is "I lived like a ******* Nina Turtle!" You immediately know what he means. He stayed inside. He ate pizza. He went out at night. Etc. And he could have milked all of those associations or extra jokes. He probbaly could have got a few extra laughs. But instead he loads it and just lobs it out there for the audience to do the work and moves on to the next thing. the premise is so rich, he doesn't NEED to wring it for all it's worth. That's how you know he's a master comedian. It's like an emperor throwing casting aside half eaten chicken bones. He's got so much, he doens't even need to bother with anything that's not immediately obvious.

[@jasonalangriffin]

Does ****** mean goddamn?

[@llanos3498]

Ninja*

[@Ihatethewaythatyou]

I feel he leaves it open if he's in trouble or wants to switch up the show a little

[@Hakajin]

Good point; this is actually a mark of a good writer. Which, that's the ironic part - John Mulaney DOES seem to have used his English major to start a successful career. Like, we can't know for sure how much he learned about storytelling from that, but... Especially if you're taking Creative Writing classes, that's kind of the focus.

[@themetalchica]

Holy heroes in a half-shell, you composed that perfectly! His ability to hold out those potentially awkward extra few seconds and allow the audience to figure it out... Risky and perfectly timed. Brilliant.

[@DropFloat]

I thought Netflix cheated him out of 120k

[@zahraa.5450]

I wasn't the only one then 😂😂😂

[@vnlbrand]

yeah its clickbait

[@nightspicer]

Oh my Gosh, same 😂

[@dumaskhan]

If you haven't seen the special, you might think that.

[@jinnij9721]

Lol we all read the same thing bro

[@Acyett]

John Mulaney drinking game: Take a shot every time he says “120 thousand dollars” in this video.

[@thething2723]

Dude I'm gonna be dead before the video even starts

[@danp1471]

You may want to add a warning to that "play at your own risk" & possibly a helpful hint to "Do a line of coke when he says 'you spent it already' to keep yourself going.

[@novastar3810]

That's 10 shots

[@Acyett]

Grandma Susan true hahaha

[@ng23242]

I’m gonna *die*

[@stevepolychronopoulis]

"I lived like a GODDAMN NINJA TURTLE" fucking kills me

[@Ambipie]

Pizza

[@linbojen]

The worst part is as an English major, that’s accurate

[@evangelostse2477]

I feel like he's literally proof of what you can do with an English major degree though.

[@morganconnor3910]

Right? I’m working on my PhD in English and I’ve never related to anything more IN MY LIFE

[@Personalinfo404]

Maybe stop being an idiot, maybe not study something useless. Maybe smarten up. Maybe. But hey, you won't.

[@linbojen]

Quiet Parade I’m studying historical linguistics which I will then pursue to work alongside applied linguists in the field to help preserve and reinvigorate dying languages.

[@Personalinfo404]

@@linbojen awesome, you should study ancient hebrew hieroglyphs you're at it. I'm sure it will really work out for you 😐

[@OurKindofEntertainment]

How am I just now finding this man?! I gotta look at his special ASAP!

[@OurKindofEntertainment]

@Jack Fortuna thanks!

[@yoshi9538]

New In Town is hilarious

[@yoshi9538]

@Jack Fortuna those are both good lmao

[@danielmachuca7992]

He's been great for a loooong time and the 2x he hosted SNL was hysterical better late than never!

[@johndavidtibbetts7320]

You both wont regret doing so because he's hilarious but also you will regret it forever because his every word will occupy vital space in your brain Hope you weren't planning on curing cancer XD

[@Dandylion567]

As an English major currently in college, I feel called out.

[@Sounds_to_Fuel_Dreams]

As a former English major who wised up late and switched to Accounting...I would say you should feel ATTACKED and please switch to business.

[@maryjanesbaby9392]

😂😂😂

[@harmonicresonance182]

Dandylion567 you were.. lol

[@boobyg9938]

@@scottsfreeny5825 omfg 😂😂😂

[@evansonndungu6054]

You should be after Michael Che dropped another bomb on the same.

[@coreysullivan2171]

"What kind of cokehead relative" ..... ironic watching his latest special lmao

[@algavone]

bahaha takes one to know one I guess

[@FamouslyFused]

“I’m playing a drinking game. Take a shot every time he says $120,000. I need to go to the hospital.”

[@maidden]

Null Void watch out for the horse

[@Kittymouth]

If you black out from it, you could make some money!

[@lifeontheledgerlines8394]

@@maidden Damn it I was going to make that joke

[@lorddashdonalddappington2653]

oof, hospitalized after 11 shots, rofl.

[@KimSearch865]

John speaks like he’s from the 1940’s. I’m diggn it.

[@therealheavytf2]

Kimberley Searching see, he’s immortal and has been alive since 1910

[@thecaucasianasian2171]

@@therealheavytf2 and he looks like he was born in 2010

[@totaldeath7228]

Yeah that's his shtick. Kind of rehashing the aesthetic of that entire period for idiots who are ignorant of it and think it's the most unique thing in the world. It's not.

[@joevenespineli6389]

@@totaldeath7228 Ah, cool.

[@wayneurquhart1967]

He did swear a couple of times though. That was a federal offense back in the 40's.

[@cody3757]

"What is college?...don't go until we figure it out" - John Mulaney | 2020

[@HL_25]

“I LIVED LIKE A GODDAMN NINJA TURTLE”- John Mulaney, 2019

[@AlexJoneses]

As a senior mechanical engineer, the line "do my friends hate me or do I need sleep" hits so unbelievably hard that I need to rethink my social life now

[@lilybaker732]

Colleges really are “cokehead relatives” nowadays - how in the hell does it cost $40,000+ a year to educate a student but the school claims it can’t afford to pay the adjunct professors who now largely teach them more than $3,500 a course, many of who end up in poverty. WHERE IS THE MONEY GOING? Sure as hell isn’t to educating students

[@tanyakasim3988]

Good question. That probably explains why I used to get letters from Regis College about donations to it. 😒

[@queencleopatra007]

Cosmetic projects. As long as the buildings look nice, kids will think its worth it.

[@JoRiver11]

My guess is that a lot of it goes into the pockets of the high-up administration, in the form of salaries and "expenses".

[@Whisper555]

That football stadium and associated sports facilities did not build themselves

[@DavidLLambertmobile]

I'm not a 4yr college graduate but I'd estimate 30-40% of university locations will close down. By 2030 or 2040.

[@finalunusedname]

I wonder how he got cheated out of all that money? "I went to college..." Ooooohhh.

[@tanyakasim3988]

Sad, but true.

[@jimarcher5255]

Wonder if he was cheated or his parents.

[@wildfirefox1]

How does this man manage to talk out loud in italics

[@erb0362]

It’s the English degree

[@mdchstr]

He spent $120,000 to be able to talk like this

[@broisyougobbling]

every word is capitalized as well

[@Mothpuff]

He Speaks Like This.

[@alisonn228]

FRRRR he sounds like he was supposed to be born in the 50s 😭😭

[@jellynebula4339]

4:34 "How dare you clap! How dare you clap for the worst financial decision I made in my life!"

[@rainygamedays5873]

"I didn't drink W A T E R the entire time"

[@MastaSmack]

Yeah, that's why my skin didn't fall off

[@Skhruffy]

By far the most accurate thing he’s said

[@otakon17]

@Dangerz Own what the hell, how do they stay non-profit!?

[@elguapo1690]

"Stop going until we figure out why!" Is actually fantastic advice.

[@m_gwb]

I come back to this just to hear that beautiful tone in his voice whenever he screams "YOU SPENT IT ALREADY??!"

[@alilrooj]

his english major definitely helps his comedy all jokes aside i love how eloquently he speaks

[@Supportacct]

The thing is that University used to be affordable, then the idea is you get a good job and pay back the college for helping you get such a great paying job. But all of that has changed now

[@Tai-ey3lx]

Fortunately laws are catching up. In my state we’’ve effectively made the first 2 years of college free by having the government completely pay for community college (as long as you go right after high school) and guaranteeing acceptance into a state university to anyone who has graduated from a state community college. And from what I’ve heard some states out west have even better laws like ours

[@MsMrapplepie]

Tai good. We can’t let these colleges get away with this shit anymore. I want my kids to have the option but I’m not paying half a million for a piece of paper. I’m better off just buying them a business.

[@1MinuteFlipDoc]

@@MsMrapplepie and/or a house (buying the kids a ..).

[@sandra-kq3mj]

In countries where tuition is free the idea is that society pays for your education and then you pay back by contributing to society. For example society needs doctors so we pay to educate them, we need teachers so we pay to educate them. Everyone wins

[@tohrazul]

@@Tai-ey3lx and yet over the last 20 or so years, tuition has pretty much doubled for a 4 year degree. Cutting out 2 years will likely cause Universities to both increase their costs to students and try to limit class availability, forcing students to attend additional semesters in order to get their degrees. Universities are going to get their money from students.

[@Dosko]

AN ENGLISH MAJOR.

[@matthewreipatricio6483]

Yes you heard him. AN ENGLISH MAJOR.

[@michaelweiske702]

Don't clap at the worst financial decision of his life!

[@kimnamjoonmeansbusiness9932]

An e n g l i s h major

[@2474joyce]

I remember my highschool AP English teacher put the whole video on during class my senior year. I laughed really hard during the English major part and forgot I was in English class for a second with my teacher who has an English Major Lmfaooo

[@Raykibb1]

Dosko: I have a BA in English, went to law school with it, and I did well. I could not think of anything else but teaching.

[@PhoeniksStorm]

Me: "120k that doesn't sound that bad...... oh wait it's dollars, let me just convert it to swedish currency and let's se.... oh holy hell 1,123,950 sek"

[@shep1634]

Robertson Thirdly didnt he already adjust for inflation in the bit? not that his figures would be exact anyway haha

[@joyformercy9627]

makes me wonder where he went😅. I only pay 6k a semester. So my degree with be just shy of 50k.

[@utsuro9083]

@Robertson Thirdly Is the tuition per class, like each class has a set value or is it 53,520 for all the classes and you have to pay all of it or you won't be able to enter any classes? I live in Mexico, and down here you can choosse how many classes you want to take that semester as long as you don't have any restrictions and each have a set value. So not all semesters will be worth the same and not all classes are worth the same amount. (if you fail a class 3 semesters in a row, donesn't have to be the same one, they lower the amount you are eligible to take until you go a semester without failing)

[@garethbaus5471]

@@joyformercy9627 either you go to community college or you are getting money from another source I would be lucky to get that with in state tuition if I got the same amount in grants, and scholarships there would still be closer to 10k a semester for a 4 year school. As it is I have to find 5k a semester beyond the grants, scholarships, and maxed out federal loans.

[@utsuro9083]

@Robertson Thirdly Ok, but can you choose which classes to attend to? And would that lower the cost?

[@carolinamurtha3102]

Last time my college called me asking for a “gift” I really wasn’t in a good place financially. The person I was talking to said a small donation is fine, and I’m thinking “ok, $10-$20.” He meant $300! That’s almost two months worth of food budget. I declined and kept the money.

[@VioletEmerald]

I hope you never ever consider donating even $10 to your college. Colleges don't need donations!

[@ishouldfindagoodname2416]

People clicking on this probably thought he was in a scam. And they were right.

[@laluzdelsol7587]

Well, I mean, depending on how you look at it...

[@abigaildaguillo939]

mood

[@jasminedavis3030]

Yeah, it’s called *college*

[@joshuatownsend8241]

The reveal did not disappoint.

[@MidnightsChaos]

College is the biggest legal scam in the world.

[@mathewpryde7707]

If I had $1 for every time he said $120k I'd be able to afford college.

[@shaycormaic5365]

Hey a fellow shammy fan

[@lukesposato9392]

I just got a notification for this video, which is fun cause like, mail, you know?

[@cosmicreliefrecords]

Luke Sposato trfct

[@Rakkis97]

I like the comment and it goes from 1.4k to 1.5k. I don't know if I'm actually number 1,500 to like the comment of if its just rounding but it absolutely made my night.

[@rburp123]

LMAO

[@Shortipop]

Because of this joke, I responded to my college's email with something along these lines, and they sent me a bunch of free stuff and spent 45 minutes on the phone with me asking what i didn't like about the college and what all they've been doing to improve on things. So basically I unintentionally Karen'd my way into getting free stuff by referencing a John Mulaney joke.

[@AndrewJaws]

I’d call that a success

[@Tweetyresm]

Might try this as my college as me for donations WHILE I STILL OWE THEM.

[@lw3269]

Glad I'm not the only one who feels that way. Getting alumni requests for money while I'm still paying my student loans was unbelievable. Then, getting more requests when paying for my kids tuition adds insult to injury.

[@michaelj6392]

L W Right before I graduated, my college called and asked me to give them money to go towards a “Senior class gift” to the college. I was like, “Uhh...I just gave you $40,000...why would I also give YOU a gift? Shouldn’t you give me a gift?” Who the hell gives them more money??

[@wendyhaun2559]

Every time I get some poor student from my college on the phone, asking for money, I'm always like "look next to my name. It says I was a journalism major. Do you honestly think I have any money to give you??"

[@zazabrown732]

What's $25 every 6 months? As a former telefundraiser for my university, I'm calling you out. JUST Give a little. YOU'LL feel better about yourself. After all you're investing in the future of your country

[@confuzedgraphite]

Zaza Brown Colleges make money hand over fist, they don’t deserve or need more money than their students have already paid them. I’d much rather give my money to people and organizations that actually need it as opposed to what equates to a enormous money laundering scheme. I’d rather give 25 dollars a month to an orphanage, or a shelter than 25 dollars every six months to a college. There is literally no reason for colleges to need donations. None. If they spent their money responsibly rather than building billion dollar sports arenas and locker rooms maybe they could charge less money in the first place.

[@kotarodesu_23]

@@zazabrown732 What's $25 every six months? I don't know, a weeks worth of food? Is everyone including you in your university levitating above the rest of us who aren't as well-off financially?

[@potato_god_03]

“I lived like a goddamn Ninja Turtle” - John Mulaney, 2019

[@talia7356]

College was his worst financial decision but the salt and pepper dinner was his best

[@mr.martinez6932]

"A friend and I plunked $7 into a jukebox when we were kids, and the story of what happened next will eventually pay for MY KID'S college"

[@erenjaeger3537]

Ladies and gentlemen… Salt… and what’s this? *PEPPA* !

[@reine1058]

The way he starts to have a “conversation” with the letter gets me every time 😂

[@thatsmyOPINION]

"What Kind Of CokeHead Relative Is My Cooolleeege?!" "WHERE'S MY MONEY-"

[@skinnyhands5761]

"How dare you clap at the worst financial decision of my life" 😂😂 Edit: 3k likes thats the most i got since starting my job, thanks guys!

[@leanmeangreenbeanmachine3347]

SkEitz 16 no replies?

[@skinnyhands5761]

Oh shit.. 3k likes my god hahaha

[@BigBoogookie]

The key to a lot of likes is to just quote something from the video. Works well with songs if you quote the lyrics, too. No original input needed.

[@team4star1]

Oh wow look at moneybags over here thanking people for clicking a thumb button...

[@nopeno2350]

Now think how cool 3k likes would be if it was something you said and not a quote

[@rahulrathod2445]

Only realized this guy played Spider-pig 😂

[@samuelkharsohnoh2322]

It's spider ham I suppose.

[@maitreyas.4902]

Spider Ham ,.Peter Porker

[@JomarSullivan]

Holy crap I just heard it! Noice!

[@tbuckley2031]

Imagine spider ham's fight scenes but with this dubbed over during weapons impacting

[@octogirlie]

@Chloe Chun kzbin.info/www/bejne/gWfPZJtrmpmZmMk

[@karmen9319]

I can’t watch this bit anymore because the “Give me some money” is the sound of Ranboo’s donation and it’s ingrained in my head

[@CJusticeHappen21]

"Do my friends hate me, or do I just need to go to sleep?" An actual thought right there.

[@cmb6087]

They don’t it’s just nonsense. You’re great.

[@kevinconnor6035]

Real talk: everything he's saying is true, and, more importantly, there are always more demanding needs for your alumni donations. My friends and I went to a really prestigious grad school. Cost $55,000 a year *before* housing and books and meals and shit. As soon as we graduated, the letters and phone calls started. "We depend on you to maintain our high standards...legacy...new students need access to materials...something, something." Our school got a $100 million donation at once. At once! I'm not making that up. So we thought...you know what? They're right. There are students everywhere who need access to better materials and higher standards. So we pooled some money together and donated it to a local grade school that really needed it, instead of our school with its billions of dollars in endowment. And I'm sure it did much more good there than on whatever ice sculpture or ribbon-cutting or other bullshit my school would have used it for. Short version: don't give money to your alma mater. They don't need it. The grade school around the corner needs it more. Give it to them. Many of those kids might not make it to college anyway. Give them the best chance you can.

[@MyName123.]

wow I love this idea 💡 thank you so much!

[@EdwoodCA]

Damn right! The schools with billion dollar endowments are making more per year off their portfolio investment returns than we'll ever approach. THAT's their business, now. Portfolio growth and 'networking' to make people feel like they're part of a special club and it'll open their wallets. Hey... just like a church...

[@mr.martinez6932]

so the lesson is, bang the hell out of your $55k/year hooker, just don't fall in love with her XD

[@daelen.cclark]

@@EdwoodCA Especially with them always expecting you to remember everything in the book you haven’t finished reading because you want to relax.

[@monroerobbins7551]

I’m about to go to college, and this... is legitimately making me hesitate.

[@joyformercy9627]

Bro, just be smart about it. I'm 2 years in and only owe 3k.

[@klillym1461]

Be smart. BE SMART

[@Hum-qm8rv]

Yes, be smart about spending, but know that he's that funny because he was a college English major!

[@Lilyrobbins101]

If you're major isn't biomed, computer science, engineering, nursing, etc. it's good to ask if you can work to get to where you want to be. Get a job and work up that way. If not one of those above majors, it may not be as useful as society teaches us. Many Americans are paying back debt for a degree that they may not use or wasn't as useful as was first thought.

[@Lilyrobbins101]

Limit the amount of loans you take. If you take out as many loans as the average American, think of how long it'll take to pay that back. Make sure your degree is something you can get a job in right after college.

[@errorandfriends1397]

All i hear is ranboo's donation sound oh god

[@jp4431]

This dude looks like Grant Gustin's older brother

[@teddythodo3302]

They’re basically the same exact person. You’re so right.

[@freddyflipflop23]

I always wondered where were the Grant Gustin fans were. Here they are. They are indeed the same person.

[@CourageousLionStudios]

haha totally!

[@nickdelasalas8975]

Adult flash

[@kokobanga6913]

Hey I'm JP too

[@8moltovivace8]

01:35 "AND YOU FUCKING SPENT IT ALREADAYYY" got me

[@thenameisyaso4254]

English major...explains why he speaks in fonts and capitals. Edit: YOOOOOOOOO *I GOT 5.2k LIKES! Thanks, my lovely fans!* That's like, 144.8k less than the money he paid to college!

[@grantiam]

He speaks in capital times New Roman

[@lauramiddleton1425]

I can see it and I cant I unsee it

[@dusty2080]

Can we get a transcript video of a John Mulaney act showing the varioud fonts he talks in?

[@Nedara7]

@@dusty2080 hi if you actually want it, I just finished the first part (only in writing, not a video). seeing this at 3am did something to me

[@dusty2080]

@@Nedara7 Hell yes

[@professionalgarbage2893]

"I went to college, *for the whole time."* absolute legend

[@Silverwind87]

You can tell pretty much everyone in the audience went through what John did.

[@prettyspectrum6371]

" Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep ?" Been there.... every Friday

[@gijoey5912]

Got a letter from my school asking for money less than a year after graduation while I was working a minimum wage job. Hilarious

[@sarahisahill6430]

I love that he really makes sure we know how much he gave his college

[@vibangigan5336]

Can I please see his version of it’s a wonderful life it sounds like it’s directed by Tarantino 😂😂

[@JSMFMS]

Jeremy Kimble That would probably be the most awesome version of (it’s a wonderful life)

[@lifeofbob2896]

Well, there is this: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rKibaqJmlsuVaKM

[@damiancoy1159]

Black Lantern

[@thevoxdeus]

Cant be Tarantino, no N-word.

[@caitlinl9494]

“college was like a four year game show called “do my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep”” if it wasn’t so long, that would be going on my graduation cap😂

[@nateg4031]

3:05 the stammering gets me everytime. Like he's genuinely lost for words 😂

[@oliviagrace375]

“and now you have the AUDACITY” gets me every time 😂

[@mammalianmolasses7092]

I was in the audience for this, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life

[@GomerBarnFloyd]

I saw him perform at the Chicago Theatre. One of the best nights of my life.

[@HelloKitty60621]

Take a shot every time John says "ahundred AND TWENTY THOUUUUSAND DOLLARS."

[@sammie907]

here’s a fun drinking game, every time John says “120 thousand dollars”, take a shot *falls down the stairs*

[@ourveneratedoverlorde1551]

*The most impressive part of this comment is that they're in a single story building XD

[@akari3463]

0:21 I got immense whiplash because of Ranboo

[@doratonks07]

My favorite part is when he says “andkdjdnmskansnsn”

[@OOOO0000O0]

3:05

[@ChuckBeans61]

Love the way he says done when he says, "She's not gonna do anything else for you. It's DONNE"

[@brandonesquerra4992]

Look at that tall Asian American child

[@donavin322]

CONGRATS U GOT THE FIRST COMMENT

[@thesunrises7756]

Lol he’s got feminine hips😂😂

[@ivanmorales.1968]

😂😂😂

[@georgesorosghost7244]

He looks Irish though.

[@ivanmorales.1968]

@@georgesorosghost7244 old joke from another special bro... I think it's from John Mulaney: New in Town.

[@TheFiddleFaddle]

"I paid somebody $120K for somebody to tell me to go read Jane Austen and then I didn't." That punchline right there is amazing 🤣