Best HFY Greentext Stories: Terra Ascendant (r/HFY + /tg/)

[@WardNightstone]

Destroyed a third of earth's population Morgan freeman: it was at this point that the hegemony fucked up

[@soffren]

Nah, they fucked up by leaving us to rebuild...

[@Al_falcone]

he would have said these motherfuckers fucked up

[@worldcomicsreview354]

"The last thing to try that was the plague. And I don't see any plague around here."

[@nuyabuisness7526]

You kick the human ant hill they will strip however many systems it takes to build a big enough gun to make sure you never get to do it again.

[@alexanderhamilton4258]

Activate the exterminatus.

[@FrostyShock349]

Arm the Nova bombs

[@tachyon8317]

And put a bayonet on it while you're at, would you, chaps? I notice a distinct lack of bayonets of xeno weapons. Let the stars know what* it means to *RIP AND TEAR*

[@chrismccloskey2502]

@@tachyon8317 no matter kinetic or energy all magazines run dry. A good pig sticker does not

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

Oh your out of ammo too, a voice screams charging out of the trench, ive got lots of knife left

[@aesthetics8230]

"Improvise. Adapt. Overcome." -Humanity

[@mreeeee8426]

"Live and Die" -me

[@stain1095]

@@mreeeee8426 yes this is my new saying with a few extra words

[@mreeeee8426]

@@stain1095 yes

[@stain1095]

@@mreeeee8426 nice

[@mreeeee8426]

@@stain1095 noice.

[@calvingreene90]

Maxim 35: That which does not kill me has made a tactical error.

[@voodoovince8001]

If you are in a fair fight your tactics suck.

[@wolvarine35]

Maxim 54: its only too many troops if you can't pay them.

[@greygalaxy8638]

"Ambassador, have you finished delivering our protests and possible sanctions to the Humans for their dishonorable tactics?" "Yes, my Lord. We have also just received their reply." "Oh, that was prompt of them. Perhaps there is hope fo these barbarians after all. What do they say?" "It says... 'The Rape Train Has No Breaks!'"

[@guardianangel7589]

This song came to mind when you said that. m.kzbin.info/www/bejne/fajaqKKOidyHars

[@nets9970]

I'm a bit surprised humanity didn't become completely xenophobic towards aliens, but thankfully they basically became a more accepting Imperium of Man

[@imperialinquisitor510]

meh.. Imperium accept the Jokaero, same kinda thing

[@CaptainAwsome]

12:20 "you are not a signatory of the Geneva suggestions, prepare to be gassed."

[@camronloesel5243]

Geneva Convention? Don't you mean Geneva Suggestions!

[@____________838]

I see it’s time for the trench guns again…

[@dusanradin5868]

If you're an alien Geneva Convention doesn't applie to you.

[@chrisdefresne3235]

@@____________838 Don't forget the square bullets

[@____________838]

@@chrisdefresne3235 never forget the square bullets.

[@Privateerblack]

This is why you don't piss off the Humans. We hold a grudge VERY well and for a VERY long time.

[@dragonsoul123]

That we do indeed.

[@sitirabihahmaisarahreni4278]

We're basically Mandalorians

[@green_demon1491]

As do Crows

[@street1111]

We might forgive but won't forget

[@tachyon8317]

I think Agro did a story called "Spite is Eternal", that explored this very thing

[@icedog55puck74]

We will find are friends and will protect them to the last

[@generalnawaki]

they call us family? we would not die for them, but in every theater of war we will be found standing with them shoulder to shoulder.

[@bdobdnoble5750]

17:45 "we name this manuver Steel Rain"

[@noctusdoesthings]

"STEHL REEHN"

[@thekingmoose8004]

@@noctusdoesthings BLUD RAVENS, SPEESE MARINES, FORCE COMMANDER!

[@gaintrobotsrulez]

THE ENEMY WILL TASTE DEFEAT AS YOU KNOW.

[@GentlemanBystander]

MEHTUL BAWKSES!

[@Vsm426]

@@GentlemanBystander TEH CAWARDZ TEH FEWLS!

[@Mr.Redink]

"If there is one thing that can be said about humanity, it's that they're fiercely based-"

[@dontmindme1681]

Me at the six minute mark: "Hold up, they did WHAT? And then they just...left? Didn't even finish the job? Fucking dumb ass ETs."

[@Nizati]

'razed cultural icons and wonders and destroyed various sacred sights' ..... oooh bois you just FUCKED UP.

[@DrGreen-oo3ei]

I don't know how many other people realize that this is a reference to the American War against the Japanese during World War II

[@billrich9722]

Oh, totally. I remember researching the orbital drop shock tactics and cyber warfare of 1940s US against Japan in history class.

[@dragonheart5312]

@@billrich9722 Top kek

[@stain1095]

BLITZKRIEG

[@polasamierwahsh421]

i know which is odd if a third of the species was wiped out and all mega cities and landmarks destroyed that would not be ww2 us japan war , that would be akin to the mongols invading eastern euorpe or the spanish colonizing the americas both sparred many conflicts later on where the defenders did not hold back to ensure their survival and get revenge while in ww2 us japan conflict the us casualties never reached a 1/100th nor were the large urban centers or iconic locations ever damaged but here despite that the humans treat the invaders kindly , so kindly in fact that it seems as if the deaths and humiliation from ions ago was inflicted upon someone else when the germans got destroyed in ww1 and were never aided by allies it paved the road for extreme military ideas to gain traction , when the afghan land was invaded by the brits and later russians and now us even after they were defeated and pushed back and their homes destroyed , after they gained power they didnt try peace and such ideas the idea that after the unprovoked invasion humanity would just extend an olive branch in the end is way too logical , more so when in context humanity was revived with catholic ideas ..and well who started the crusades at least there should have been enough of a punishment to make it an example for any future wannabe invaders

[@Zerpderp0]

@@polasamierwahsh421 you ask who started the crusades but technically the first crusade was akin to Britain coming to Poland's aid in WW2, minus the sacking of their capital mind you. That is to say the Catholic church's Pope at the time was asked for aid from the Eastern Orthodoxy Patriarch (the Emperor of the time) in Byzantium for aid. The pope saw this as a chance to retake some holy land, previously held by Christians (albeit Eastern Orthodoxy and not Catholic at the time) and hold it for Catholicism. It was a defensive war. Much like this story was. So who started the crusades? Muslims. Who had been attacking relentlessly and conquering since their inception and had made repeated attempts at trying to breach into Europe. Still I do find this very close to the Crusades

[@DaZebraffe]

"Homogeny" is a mangling of "homogeneity," which is a word meaning "multiple ingredients mixed until a smooth, consistent texture is achieved throughout the mixture." The word you kept mispronouncing as "homogeny" is actually "hegemony," which is pronounced "hedge-eh-moany." It means "the predominance of one state or social group over others." Basically, a loose collective of multiple groups, organized and ruled over by one group in particular.

[@DaZebraffe]

Also, the second part of Alpha Centauri is not pronounced "sent-you-are-ee," but "centaur-ee."

[@picklejho69]

Why do people who can't be bothered to check pronunciation always have to be the ones to insist on narrating things? I always pause these videos and just read them, and any that are multi part I search for the original reddit thread. Better than having my ears bleed due to the mangling of basic English words.

[@JMANMARINO]

@@picklejho69 you could be the one. you could read aloud for the masses with good pronunciation

[@Felixkeeg]

@@JMANMARINO Point is: If you decide to narrate something, check the pronunciation of words you are not familiar with.

[@1rotzy]

@@picklejho69 I wouldn’t really blame them. A lot of the time people have never heard the words out loud. A good example is, when I was a kid, I pronounced the word Colonel as Col-O-Nel, or hypocrisy as Hippo-cracy.

[@ApocryphalDude]

The Emperor protects.

[@Padoinky]

Interesting implied learnings to be had

[@generalnawaki]

we learn best from our failures and are adapt and converting another animals behavior, even if we haven't had to do it for some time.

[@Rodrik18]

A pop filter, a pop filter, my kingdom for a pop filter

[@domschra]

As one wise tall unusual human in one of their popular relic archives once said: "you shouldve aimed for the head"

[@BeeKisses]

AS A HUMAN GENERAL SAID SUCCULENTLY AAAAAAAAAAA THERE'S A FEW MISPRONOUNCED WORDS BUT THIS ONE REALLY BUGGED ME

[@IonAeon]

More succulent words have never been uddered.

[@DeuxExNoir]

TR: Oh neat aliens are real! GC: Just FYI, you're basically living on the Maginot Line. TR: Wait wha- _gets burned to a crisp_ _Hegemony turns around to flaunt to the rest of the galaxy while the sound of planet-sized fusion reactors, solar system long guns and the slow, uncomfortable scrape of Auramite armor rises behind them._ TR: *_Is that truly the last thing you want to be forgotten forever?_*

[@aSONofALMIGHTY]

“SOME” these vids you be putting together, be sounding like some believable shit.. Tbh, in some way, it “feels” correct. As if it should almost just be common sense, in a way.. 🤷🏽‍♂️ whatever that means 🤣😅 They soundin dope tho keep em coming 🤌🏽

[@Murzerker333]

Homogeny, succulently,... That was a difficult one to enjoy.

[@santi2683]

The galactic council after the same race they allowed to be massacred in half won't listen to them anymore: Ö

[@XBloodyBaneX]

I usually prefer tts channels, but I enjoy your content so I'll give you some pointers. - Read the story your are about to record for out loud once or twice so you understand the gist of it, and how to properly pace your reading, and so you won't be surprise by something new, unknown, or confusing. - Research words you aren't sure about, so you know how to properly pronounce them. I.e Hegemony = Heh jeh muh nee. Centauri = Sen tore/tar ee (Depending on the regional pronunciation.), and succintly = Suck sink kt lee

[@tomendruweit9386]

tts?

[@Zekiraeth]

@@tomendruweit9386 text-to-speech

[@ThunderStruck15]

Well that’s just condescending and rude.

[@Neo1708.]

ODST's and MAC cannons?! WOOOO

[@JettMann8]

Heheheh, railgun go pew

[@Self-replicating_whatnot]

If it looks like mobilization for war, it probably is. Uh oh, should've finished humans off when you had a chance...

[@XBloodyBaneX]

Seems like the author of this story was needlessly fitting in human terminology into the story. Crusade/Jihad, which are barely relatable, as well as Blitzkrieg and Sepuku.

[@politebadger5049]

Maybe translations, to the closest equivalents in Earth's languages?

[@politebadger5049]

@Rico Santiago Ooh I like that explanation better.

[@Nizati]

I noticed that too......

[@WardNightstone]

both are terms for a Religiosly motivated war agaisnt another culture so YES but it fits

[@jefferybrown6473]

Crusade and Jihad are both terms for religiously motivated war. Both are declared by high ranking religious figures in their respective faiths. Both have terms for their warriors who fight those war Crusaders = Crusade. Jihadist = Jihad.

[@Amehtta]

Hegemony. Not homogeny. So many mispronounced or completely wrong words... I’m torn because it’s otherwise well narrated, and in some cases the wrong word usage adds to the feeling of an alien speaking an approximation of English, but my inherent grammar nazi nature cringes every time

[@alexmuller6752]

yes. i paused the video and checked for the spelling a few times..

[@tannerbarnes7392]

I kinda just accepted Homogeny as a word tbh. It's like a more official term for a hive mind. Kinda like how SCP called their memory erasing drugs 'Amnestics.'

[@blasanthonyvson1233]

@@tannerbarnes7392 yup me too but we all know that his channel might blow up maybe years from now

[@t.j.cornett7495]

Yesss! Oh the duality of human nature.

[@willparry530]

@@blasanthonyvson1233 Too late, it already has started to :P

[@bluesides8323]

So because a random alien species meet humans and told them to be careful, another alien species declared war on humans? That makes no sense.

[@asurasyn]

Tactically it makes sense. Once a potential threat knows who and where you are, they're dangerous. Best to nip it in the bud, so to speak, but the error is leaving them alive after the surprise attack.

[@couriersix4252]

Oh so we made space marines

[@andsocanu]

Can we get a link to source? sometimes I prefer to read it myself, and the text here isn't very clear.

[@ravenouself4181]

Moral of the sttory: You better pray that Humans don't get their hands on FTL

[@DeHerg]

Why? In this story, even after a THIRD of their population got glassed, they still acted like Unicef.

[@ravenouself4181]

@@DeHerg *insert xenocide here*

[@JoaoSoares-rs6ec]

The ability to adapt is a near extinct ability in humans

[@brettdibble2763]

does anyone have a link to the original?

[@thebackwardsgamer8063]

Noooo you can't just use railguns Haha railguns go brrrrrrrrrr

[@NoName-rl5xn]

goddamnit you're getting 120% watch time from me :')

[@ernest9868]

anyone else get annoyed when people swap 'race' and 'species' interchangeably in a scifi setting? race is a collection of people within a species that is culturally similar and of 'usually' related ethnic decent that can also be traced to a geographic location. species is a group of living things that are genetically distinct enough 'as a group' that more often than not, cannot produce fertile offspring when procreating with another living thing that is outside of that group.

[@Snipergoat1]

The definition of these have floated around quite a bit historically. Charles Darwin himself often used the word race in his work "On the Origin of Species". Although currently your definitions are fairly widely accepted they are not universal. (Just ask Whoopi Goldberg about that) Who says older definitions might come back into favor particularly in a setting where humans are not the only sapients running around.

[@spuddringtontatortot7348]

am I the only one who's seeing some... I don't wanna say "unsettling," but I will say intriguing themes of crusading in this story? Like, the technocratic theocracy calling for a Jihad, the Terran Ascendancy after finding unity in a bunch of downtrodden folk, humanity as a collective Jesus bringing all downtrodden faithful to ascend, the ascendancy itself having lowkey catholic themes and (and I'm probably reading too much into this) a renaissance happening over arts and sciences in one bit near the end, while our renaissance was, like 50% in service of catholicism? ...I mean, I guess it *is* a 4chan story...

[@brianmeadows1137]

If Th font was larger I'd enjoy this good story more.

[@lhl2500]

HE-GE-MO-NY!

[@TheBawbomb]

were doing our part

[@illagevidiot8254]

HE-GE-MO-NY. God that was painful.

[@onehitkill5816]

Throw a big rock at humanity and we will respond with a metal boulder made by us. We are the literal earth benders of the Universe, we think, create and destroy for a living all cuz we can. Yet we live in a harsh world but its taught it not only to survive but to know when to show mercy, and when to fight.

[@TiernanWilkinson]

"Fiercely based" and "Nationalism" definitely do belong in close proximity to eachother lol.

[@FeyTheBin]

Space Jihad!

[@MrIrdatlan]

Yees keep feeding my ego

[@adammckay852]

Hedge-em-o-nee Not Hommoginy or whatever you were saying...dude if you want to narrate learn to read

[@robo08ify]

Just listened to this in Feb. 2023. Had trouble following it because of the mispronunciations.

[@tyreecebaker6600]

👍

[@polasamierwahsh421]

amazing

[@jamescustodio3094]

Is this just basically humans uploading ransomware to a bunch of technocratic aliens?

[@FalseFront25]

What is this from? A book or something?

[@eldeano9964]

I thought it started out as independence day

[@eldeano9964]

Is this 'Independence day'?, I haven't seen the sequel

[@tomendruweit9386]

it is from a subreddit called Humans fuck yeah or HFY for short

[@dantreadwell7421]

Oh man, yall done messed up.

[@Adiscretefirm]

I am so sick of the word hegemony being mispronounced as homogeny.

[@Oberoisavar]

This was so good till the 4channy bits started to poke in. Otherwise it's an amazing story after a teeny bit of editing 😂

[@dakotastevens8]

Yeah this reads like it came from 4chan

[@sheevpalprotein9132]

3:48 If there is one thing that can be said about humans, is that they are fiercely based.

[@stain1095]

Yes

[@vanidar21]

Okay, I love your videos bro, but Hegemony is pronounced very different than how you pronounce it

[@ragnorockcookie2868]

Yahh fuck no religion is a strong way to unite people but it's humanity's worst enemy.

[@lyrigageforge3259]

I would think we would not agree on religion after this sort of an event still - except perhaps on the fact that their's is clearly wrong - lol. But then again, it may also cause world wide atheism and leave any religious kind the minority as it should, given that it's delusional anyhow. (Lol - humanity is a mystery... the whole 3-part description of how mysterious it is - is literally description used about Russians during the Cold War. Soo, these humans are space Russians - in that case the religion could not have been Catholic at all but orthodox... :P. Ok, just poking at it.) But in all honesty, religions are slowly but surely loosing favor among people of the world. Yes that situation will likely have some back lashes as all old 'authorities' loosing ground always will react with such. In the end it is likely that most people will no longer have any religion and sudden appearance of aliens would likely only add to that development as it pretty much could prove we aren't that special after all. By now, to give an example - the biggest reason for a former christian to have become an atheist is to have READ THE BIBLE for real, only to realize that it is both full of even less logically possible stories than your standard fantasy books, things that could not have happen by any means and worst yet, a god who does so horrible things at people who don't believe in him or who make mistakes or who just get tested that he does not deserve to be believed in. Basically a book full of things called 'just' that are today some of the worst crimes so known and treated by our modern laws. In other words, the end of such religions has already been written on the wall and while it may still cause even violent back lashes - that development will only grow faster the tighter it is being fought against weather by peaceful, strict or violent means. Same deal than how it will end up, if someone tries to entirely lock a teenager up, allowing them no access to the world or friends - that short of actions are always bound to fail. So yea... people have started to think on their own. Well more accurately, they always have - but it is harder to control people who know that things you expect them to believe in are actually impossible. In medieval era 'having belief' didn't quite mean the same as it does today, there is an element to it, which is so very easily skipped past even today - you see - it used to be and still would in some ways like to remain as 'having belief in the authority of the church to decide how to interpret what is learned about the world'. That stated, while this trick still causes discussions for example in US, where for some truly bizarre reason folk try to insert religious lessons into schools as if they were in any way comparable or equal with scientific lessons, or even prevent the latter for example where it comes to learning about evolution - this isn't even a discussion point for most western people. Not even in US, but even less so in other western countries. Those religious folk who go that far are minority. And while some folk can in their way do both, have their faith and also trust science - if we were to suddenly find aliens or those would find us - there is absolutely not kidding about it. That would change things for religion. And it is more likely that atheism would become notably more common, than anything else. Simple, what can be proved is none the less more trustworthy than the claim of 'but I feel like'. Belief is not proof.

[@youngbloodbanana3376]

Great story but why was it called a jihad

[@JoshuaADemic]

My guess for the simple answer is because that's just what the author thought of when he meant to say a total and asymmetric war. My guess for the in-universe justification of the use of the word is it was because the race that waged it, the technocracy, worshiped their technology and their superiority it granted them. To wage war against a primitive species BECAUSE of their primitiveness is intrinsically linked to their level of technology, which again, they revere. So to wage war on us is to commit jihad because it is, at least partially, in the name of their own technological superiority and the worship thereof, making the war a religious one.

[@directrulefromgamerchair3947]

Because it's a theocracy doing a religious war I guess

[@tannerbarnes7392]

The author may have gotten the idea from Dune

[@JQ3B941]

Because a jihad is a great struggle for identity or religion

[@bubbykins4864]

Because jihad is an Arabic word used for religious wars, which is basically what that war was.

[@jasonisbored6679]

Great stories, decent narration, but every time you say "homogeny" instead of "he-ge-mon-y" it really gets to me dude.

[@Tersch]

Lol, same. Pronounced Maginot, Alpha Centauri, and Catholic wrong as well. Hegemony stands out because he has to say it so many times. I'm still cracking up over Ca-thol-ic xD

[@yimingwang8037]

beep

[@justinkim3517]

its hegemony, not homogeny

[@shadowhenge7118]

Meh, no way a christian based humanity of the future would allow a species with a differing religion to exist. We'd just wipe everyone in the galaxy out to prove ourselves the only creation of god.

[@sergeantsharkseant]

I also wanted some kind of extinction kind of thing I mean. I first thought humans basically went on a crusade against this hegemony using illegal weapons etc and showing no mercy to survive. Kind of disappointing at the end

[@OptionalCPU]

first

[@patrickdurham8393]

I hate this format. You can't change quality to read it and I'm hard of hearing.

[@thanbcarter]

succinctly /sə(k)'SING(Ktlē,sə(k)SİNGK()lē/ Timestamp 21:05 I like to read along and this caught me off guard so hard. Please correct this. I understand if you don't, but it would be great if you did