Best HFY Reddit Stories: The Time the Humans Took a Walk

[@hollowedshadow2822]

_"WHILE OUR FINE SCALEY, FUZZY, FRIENDLY XENOS RIDE TO THE BATTLEFIELD IS NICE SAFE DROPSHIPS, SIPPING TEA AND EATING CRUMPITS, HOW ARE WE GETTING TO THE FIGHT TROOPERS?!"_ *"FEET FIRST, SIR!"*

[@TacPhoenix]

HOOAH

[@Sum-kj8jo]

Preach brother

[@BluBird12]

What's this from again?

[@over-ingaming6490]

HOOAH

[@jetthatoneguy1095]

​@@BluBird12it was originally from Halo.

[@jasonreed1631]

Humanity. We go for walks... very *enthusiastic* walks.

[@Template93]

"Alucard has entered the chat"

[@TechnoSpectre3]

Lively Walk intensifies!

[@boingboingresearcherph.d.2871]

Xenos: "Hey human, why your armors so thick?" Human: "It's coated with 3 inches of ablative heat shield plates." Xenos: "Heat shields? Ablative plates don't do anything to protect against concentrated plasma fire, they just shatter." **Blast doors starts to open** Human: "They're not there for the enemy to shoot." Voice over the speakers: "60 seconds from drop point." Xenos: **confused Pikachu face**

[@hollowedshadow2822]

"We're dropping into Hell troopers, time to grow a pair!"

[@Netherdan]

**confused insectoid Pikachu face**

[@macabre_and_cheese]

Prepare for titanfall

[@over-ingaming6490]

Papa Scorch inbound!@@macabre_and_cheese

[@crowgrabber_former_er5bb8yb2t]

For democracy! For super earth!

[@HimitsuYami]

Fuck it, skipping the formalities -ALUCARD- HUMANS, go for a walk!

[@YgorDracknor]

"Wen hope is gone, undo this lock, and send me forth, on moonlit walk" 😄

[@mee4062]

@@YgorDracknor Release restraint level, ZERO...

[@hurricane243]

There it is

[@anonymousllama014]

"He calls this his... 'life hack'"

[@hurricane243]

Excuse you, I am a fuck mothering deathworlder. I killed a LOT of people - some of my own included - to earn that title and I serve to be called as such.

[@GreenDude_Gaming]

A very enthusiastic walk

[@finaladvance5085]

I hear their walk was stopped by a 70 inch plasma widescreen tv. With Netflix

[@corvax3083]

@@finaladvance5085 Only 2 of them the rest just got really violent after that

[@jaystewart1420]

@@finaladvance5085 Who delivered them, Michael McDoesn'texist?

[@BeeKisses]

Final I fucking love and hate you at the same time

[@alexisjuarez9858]

@@finaladvance5085 should it also be 3D?

[@carlfromtheoc1788]

When the soft, squishy, unarmored, unclawed, unfanged aliens are the absolute apex predator on their homeworld, against things that have armor, big teeth and big claws, that should be sending off all types of warning bells. Our ancestors beat short faced cave bears, and they could run at 40 mph and weighed close to a ton. We're crafty.

[@snidecommenter7117]

Predators are rated on a rating scale of 1 to 5. Polar bears for example are 5s. Humans are actually about 2.21 on the scale. Except our tools let us act like 5s.

[@Chaun1998]

​​@@snidecommenter7117Where are Orca? They prey on any polar bear foolish enough to be in their waters

[@VRDejaVu]

​@@snidecommenter7117 You are mistaken my friend. That scale is not for predators but for all animals. It expresses how many plants, herbivores and carnivores you eat vs how many carnivores eat you. Thats why Polar bears are 5s, they only eat other carnivores and are eaten only by the odd Orca or Wolf. Every omnivore is placed between 2 and 3. Lions would roughly be a 4 because they only eat herbivores but arent eaten by anyone. At the same time Salmon is also a 4 because although they are eaten by 10 or so species, they feed on dozens on diferent species, some of them carnivores themselves (piscivores ,if you are feeling technical. Also this scale, as admited by the researchers on their expose in the Smithsonian mag, where you copy pasted most of your comment from, breaks down when applied to aquatic animals). If you want a real scale for predators, you have to look at their success rate while hunting and Polar bears, like most bears, are near the bottom, just BELOW meerkats.

[@johnathanblackwell9960]

Not to mention saber tooth cats that were basically pack hunting grizzlies.

[@fancyclown6863]

@@snidecommenter7117 our mind and hands

[@phantomwraith1984]

Fuck it, dropping the formalities. SOLDIERS!.... Go for a walk!

[@26th_Primarch]

A VERY enthusiastic walk!

[@redlantern6669]

When hope is gone, undo this lock, and send me forth, on moonlit walk

[@quox3987]

“Is that wise sir? The codex Astartes-“ “Shut the f##k up Leandros. FOR THE EMPEOROR!”

[@NateBatts02]

Found the space marine!

[@conspiracy_marine9238]

*space book says no

[@quox3987]

@@conspiracy_marine9238 well o can’t read!

[@SCP-49730]

Release restraint level... Zero.

[@thelivinggrimreaper4729]

when hope is gone... Undo this lock... And send me forth... On a moonlit walk...! Release restraint level... Zero.

[@willgallatin2802]

It takes a peculiar breed of lunatic to jump from perfectly good craft in flight. For some odd reason Terra has schools to teach one that variety of lunacy. Side note; the first jump is a real rush.

[@PhycoKrusk]

It was a common thing, so I'm told: During the Second World War, little boys wanted to grow up to be Marines. Marines wanted to grow up to be Airborne.

[@snidecommenter7117]

My uncle made two jumps when he was in training. Never jumped into battle. Went in by rubber dingy, truck, or landing craft.

[@cadetkohr5508]

Any mechanic will tell you: "There's no such thing as a perfectly good craft"

[@DarkMan307]

addendum: even human civilians are known to widely engage in simulated experiences from aeroplanes for "fun"

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

​@@PhycoKrusk well, makes sense, they all have an obsession with crayons.

[@rowanbowers5743]

"Secretary, how much in collateral damage?" "You know, the Human amount."

[@khylerbane4523]

Humans: “Hey xenos, how’s your health plan, armor, and shields?” Xenos: “*start firing* Humans: APPARENTLY IT’S *GREAT!”*

[@riccardocastiglioni1611]

"Soldiers, plan B" *Rip and Tear starts playing in the backround*

[@superpilotdude]

Integra: Fuck it; dropping the formalities. Alucard! Go for a walk. Alucard: When hope is gone, undo this lock. And send me forth on a moonlit walk. Release Restraint Level...ZERO.

[@davidvincent5701]

Next time these authors write one of these stories. I hope they throw in the conversation as a back ground of a character, that they also spend time as a smoke jumper fighting wild fires.

[@_Akron]

"Hell jumper hell jumper were you bin, Feet first into hell and back again"

[@DavidKoltun]

"When I die please bury me deep! Place an MA5 down by my feet!"

[@jakubrzepkowski2290]

seconds after hell-jumpers jumped out of dropship: *warthog run starts playing **WARTHOG RUN KICKS IN HARDER THAN G-FORCE DURING EVASIVE MANOUVERS*

[@BeeKisses]

Sorry I can’t hear you over the BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT

[@jakubrzepkowski2290]

@@BeeKisses ,,Warthog run'' is iconic OST from Halo but yeah, 30mm of democracy also does the job.

[@Hotarg]

"Could we possibly make ANY MORE NOISE?" "Huh, I guess so!"

[@lostgem8225]

Why was my first thought for the warthog run the fucking red team warthog song

[@spaceengineeringempire4086]

@@Hotarg(all they fear is you) starts playing. (Human ODST): welp I was wrong we can make more noise.

[@orlandobritt1460]

This is why you keep a crazy as a friend. When you can't win with smarts crazy pointing to were needed can mess stuff up

[@Nempo13]

Cultivate both aspects yourself. Being smart, logical, AND crazy has it's benefits.

[@turbopokey]

"VERY enthusiastic walks..." --Alucard Aww, dang-it. A whole lotta people already made this connection.

[@Darkinu2]

More is always appreciated

[@MogofWar]

So a company and a half of Terran forces consisting of roughly 40% Xeno Auxiliaries gets to the ground and wreaks havoc on the enemy forces and their assets, but the ship above got blasted out of space.

[@stevedixon921]

Well, they did exit the craft some 20,000 meters in the air. Also, carriers are big, slow moving targets, drop ships would be like leaves in the wind. When your ride is busted (or about to be), go a for a walk instead.

[@charlesesseltine7054]

Basically it's Starship Troopers (The Movie) from an ally's point of view. And Starship Troopers (The Book) from the bad guy's point of view.

[@williamdunhan341]

Sooo... The US Navy by today's standard.

[@TechnoSpectre3]

Nah, 20,000 Kilometers, mate.

[@stevedixon921]

@@TechnoSpectre3 Thanks. Just looked up where orbital satellites reside for Earth (around 36,000 kms). So these drop troops basically left the craft still in 'space'. Nice.

[@nk_3332]

Xeno General: We'll be dropping you at 2000 meters altitude Human Major: request altitude drop of 50 meters, no more. Xeno General: 50 meters is completely unacceptable. Xeno Aide whispers in Generals ear. Xeno General: You will drop at 2000 meters, but this time you will be provide parachutes.

[@Goulmy86]

There's unclassified parachutes that can drop you off at 100feet≈ 80m and you'll land safely

[@mikkelnpetersen]

Alien: "They're batsh*t insane" Human: "We take that as a compliment"

[@spuddringtontatortot7348]

When I read the title and realized that going on a walk meant doing patrols, the tactics of the U.S. army Immediately came to mind. Thusly, I was immensely satisfied when I heard that “HOOAH!”

[@tonikal_el]

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, let's go out for a walk" *That part of free bird starts to play.

[@month32]

Aliess: What did you do? Human Sergeant: Allright, but you can't be mad at me! Aliens: WHAT. Did you do? Human Sergeant: Ok, first, I was minding my own business... Aleins: BULLSHIT! Human Sergeant: I WAS!

[@siverson9552]

Human sergeant: so we were chillaxing on our planet like ballers when all of a sudden these schmucks entered our system then one of them said Space cops: on your knees all of you on your knees Human sergeant: then we responded with “we knocked your mother’s last night” and they took exception to that (Planetary bombing noises) Human sergeant: but you know how that song and dance goes (Nuclear counter attack) Human sergeant: so we killed all but one of them Alien: What happened to the last one (Vile xenos shoots itself) Human sergeant: pussed out like a BITCH

[@francoisbernard4118]

Aliens: and exactly what happened whilst you were "minding your own bisness"?

[@PhycoKrusk]

Very happy to see that even in the far future, the 101st is still in business.

[@Just_Tired]

"You know the music. Time to dance." "We are droppin' into hell, troopers! Time to grow a pair!" Feet first, into hell!

[@BigMoTheBlackDragon]

Sir Intengra Van Helsing: "Humanity -- go for a walk."

[@aleksszukovskis2074]

Bird of hermes is my name Eat my wings to keep me tame Release restraint level 0

[@tomizatko3138]

"Freebird starts playing"

[@johnnymellon7414]

IO: What happened next? Subject: (Scoffs) What comes next will shock you!

[@Boldcheesecake1029]

"They have anti-ship flak, but do they have anti-PERSONNEL flak?" "wut" "BOYS, show em why we're called DROP-TROOPERS!"

[@dwavenminer]

"When all hope is gone, undo this lock, and send me fourth for a moonlit walk" -Alucard (Hellsing ultimate abridged)

[@reesewhittington6778]

Random Xeno Villains: HA-hahaha! There’s nothing you can do to stop us! United Xeno Nations: God damnit, fucking- Hans, got take yourselves on walkies, please. RXV: wha- Drop Troopers from inside the walls: *blaring the Sonic Unleashed night combat theme*

[@voodoovince8001]

I bet the two human deaths were cause by equipment failure.

[@mechadrake]

Space chute thing probably did not deploy or it is not on auto and paratroopers did not pull on time (real problem when chute is controlled by a human)

[@voodoovince8001]

@@mechadrake humanities' greatest weakness, ourselves

[@terryturnerjr8271]

He ain’t gonna jump no more!

[@ianhogben3472]

@@terryturnerjr8271 gory gory what a hell of a way to die

[@crowgrabber_former_er5bb8yb2t]

Gory gory what a hell of a way to die

[@AustralianGrizzly]

The A in HALO Jumps no longer means Altitude. It means Atmosphere...

[@PhycoKrusk]

That high up is well beyond any atmosphere. Jumping from a high apoapsis on the other hand....

[@AustralianGrizzly]

@@PhycoKrusk 18000 Kilcks is 18000 KM. Which is between the Troposphere and the Stratosphere. Both still Atmosphere of a planet. Considering this is a Xeno Planet those ranges might be different. It should be mentioned that a HALO jump usually is at 14000ft or 4-5KM.

[@TheMonk72]

@@AustralianGrizzly space starts at 100km. I think you skipped some decimals.

[@AustralianGrizzly]

@@TheMonk72 Now I am going to assume that you just misread what was posted and will now repost it so that its directed towards you. As a preface, I will be using the [ , ] spacer to seperate the 1000s as to avoid a misread. As the assumption is that you read 18000 (without the spacer) as 180,000... During the video, @9:32 The Hight that the Dropship is at is stated as 18,000 Klicks. Now, a Klick is a Miliarty Term of distance which is equal to that of 1km. This means they are 18,000km above the surface. For reference, this is 59,055,188ft. The Troposphere, which is the lowest level of Atmosphere, ranges from 8,000 to 18,000 km depending on the location on the planet, with it being closer at the poles and higher above the Tropics (near the equator). We as Humans live within this level of Atmosphere, with our Passanger Jets like the 747 having an average cruising speed of around, 35,105ft or 10.7km. An average HALO jump is prefomed at around 15,000ft or 4.5km Now the next level of Atmosphere is the Stratosphere, this ranges around 11km to 50km from the planets surface. Here is where we send Weather Balloons and where the Ozone Layer formed. Next level is called the Mesosphere, this ranges from 40-50km to 80-90km, here is where meteors begin to burn in our sky to form shooting stars and where we sent our earlier test rockets. Next level is called the Thermosphere, this is practically the last level of Atmosphere which traps the planets temperature and could be called the "Edge of Space" due to how people have precieved the distance, which is 80-90 to 800km, but in truth there is one more level which really IS the Edge of Space. This last level is called the Exosphere, this is the true edge of space, where atmosphere and void meet and mingle, the last tugs of gravity exists to maintain a steady orbit and other space stuff. Here is the Spacestation and other Space objects/junk like Satellites and the like. This ranges from 800km to 3000km. NOW... Our current HIGHEST Skydiver, the Redbull event. They dropped from around 130ft or 40km at the edge of the Straosphere. He dropped at double the height of the troopers of this video...

[@TheMonk72]

@@AustralianGrizzly "The troposphere, which is the lowest level of Atmosphere, ranges from 8,000 to 18,000 km depending on the location on to planet," I'm going to stop you right there. Yes, I was paying attention, no I did not misread. The troposphere ranges in height from 6km at the poles to at most 20km at the equator. You're out by 3 orders of magnitude. Here are the heights of the various layers of the atmosphere: 6-20km - Troposphere < 50km - Stratosphere < 85km - Mesosphere < 690km - Thermosphere > 690km - Exosphere, extending at least to 10,000km, possibly much higher. "Our current HIGHEST Skydiver, the Redbull event. They dropped from around 130ft or 40km at the edge of the Straosphere." The RedBull jump was indeed in the upper part of the stratosphere at around 40km... or, and here you're again out by 3 orders of magnitude, *127,851 ft* "He dropped at double the height of the troopers of this video..." In what universe, under what system of mathematics, is 40 almost twice as high as 18,000? Yes, that's eighteen thousand. Last time I checked, forty was much less than twice as high as eighteen thousand. I get the impression that you don't handle numbers very well, but can you should see that you're getting this wrong? You calculated 18,000 km as 59,055,188 ft (which I'm not going to question, I'll trust your math there)... and then said that's half as high as 127,851 ft? Dude... read what you wrote. Please.

[@VanRahsah]

Humans: We've got things to do. Aliens: What things? You don't do any things. Humans: Yes we do. We take enthusiastic walks through the woods. Aliens: And take out planetary defense systems.... Humans: VERY enthusiastic walks.

[@johnnyrotten3175]

"Plan B" Got-a love it❗ "Lets take a Walk"😆

[@bubbuddoo]

Some classical music would be appropriate as these fine dropship troopers walk out that plummeting ship - Pantera's WALK! "REE! 'SPECT! WALK!"

[@D3vious113]

Alucard was the first commander of this unit and you can't convince me otherwise.

[@laser14344]

Instead of fuck it I imagined multiple humans saying "fubar"

[@strategygalactic]

Totally different meanings.

[@nerine4188]

We humans just like to take enthusiastic walks. Very enthusiastic.

[@denalozecon9074]

I am imagining a Praying Mantis combined with a Grumpy Bear. And Human Soldiers ready to die a warriors's death; have fun annoying the Mantis Bear with some teasing. Camaraderie of warriors the Human way; humor and bravado. This is great.

[@SpectroliteDS2400]

When hope is gone, undo this lock, and send me forth, *on a moonlit walk.*

[@ShiaNth]

Now THIS Sounds interesting

[@Darkinu2]

Hey guys, how's your health plan?

[@donanthebarbarian5177]

*starts shooting* APPARENTLY IT'S GREAT! Walter be honest with me... What are we looking at in terms of collateral? Well, the Alucard amount.

[@elrusito5034]

Droptroopers be like: Sing with me Sing for a year Sing for the laughter Sing for the tear

[@themagiccookie2614]

Mom I want helldivers! Sweety we got helldivers at home. Helldivers at home:

[@black1917]

Aliens: look down on humanity like they’re children. Humans: Achieved an objective the aliens failed at while achieving infinitely better results than the aliens could have hoped for while only losing 2 soldiers. Aliens: NANI?!

[@mattbrown5511]

Nothing like a little ruck march to get the blood flowing.

[@jonathanblair5920]

Release restraint level - 0

[@BeeKisses]

I’m living for the TFS references

[@russellperry9902]

7:10 Phill harmonicas best..... I see what you did there . God don't let me be the only one that gets the reference.

[@bigawesomedude]

* Freebird solo volume cranked to 11 *

[@BeeKisses]

Can anyone hear Andrew WK playing though a ships tannoy?

[@gearsfan6669]

specifically the TFS mashup of Party Party Party and Ready to Die

[@BeeKisses]

@@gearsfan6669 you know the one 😉

[@thomaskelleyjr.1671]

You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant.

[@jmoneyjoshkinion4576]

Walk right in it's around the back, just a half a mile from the railroad track.

[@dalemorgan8263]

Plan B. A Morgan specialty, necessity because Plan A always goes to shite

[@voodoovince8001]

Plan C, When Plan B goes FUBAR

[@moonlord8725]

"Helldivers"

[@WolfmanMJP91]

Reminds me of how alucard goes for a walk on helsing abridged

[@shanerooney7288]

When all hope is gone, Undo this lock, And send the humans, On a moonlit lock.

[@Leapyean]

"Listen up maggots, the scarebears couldn't hack it so we got to pick up the slack, last trooper with boots on the ground cleans the latrine for a month, MOVE!"

[@EAZ36588]

So humans are Alucard LOL

[@kurtismiller9544]

Just going for a "stroll"..... ROFL

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@angrycrusader3926]

Releasing Control Art Restriction Systems 3...2...1. Approval of situation A recognized; commencing the Cromwell Invocation. Ability restrictions lifted for limited use until the enemy has been rendered silent.

[@mechadrake]

Turns out these are orbital paratroopers, not infrantry

[@tauron17]

I really enjoy these stories, possibly this one, best of all.

[@headhunter5965]

Remember when you jump in to hell land feet first

[@wolkaiserdrake9946]

when hope is gone, undo this lock, and send me forth, on a moon lit walk

[@Sora-md1ye]

This is your time to pay This is your judgement day We've made a sacrifice and now we get to take your life We shoot without a gun We'll take on anyone It's really nothing new It's just a thing we like to do

[@randomguy3080]

“Humans slain, 2.” THATS 2 TWO MANY DAMNIT!

[@paulgreen2416]

That ride sown sounds like fun 🤙

[@nweasels]

A vigorous walk indeed.

[@RevenantMain1]

This sounds like how man weapons weaponized wolves

[@Tipsyweeb]

We do love a good walk

[@Darkinu2]

Coming back to this video, it pleases me to see so many people of culture here 😂😂

[@howardchambers9679]

Gotta get those steps in!

[@darkestwilightt]

A VERY enthusiastic walk.

[@scotthinger6397]

Doing that kind of jump would be so COOL!!!

[@dougfisher5408]

Dude, I love it ❤❤🍻🍻

[@WiredTurkey316]

Going for a walk, and not be after dinner kind

[@Free_Krazy]

"Hey im walkin here!"

[@Oddball_The_Strange]

Is this either a reupload or been covered before by another narrator? I could swear I've heard this story narrated before.

[@Tejyasn]

I think ASN did this one a long while ago?

[@leechowning2712]

Squirrel did this a couple years ago, but each of them have style.

[@benjaminleewilliams42782]

these boots are made for walking

[@gprivat812_my_selection6]

Bruah, Bruah - Fart is Art? Isn't it?

[@TacoBlend]

When all is gone Undo this lock And send me forth On a Moonlit Walk Restraint Level... ... ... ... 0

[@Nick0utd00rs]

I'm waiting on a story including space a10s

[@kurotsuki7427]

I think you mean "plan WEEEEEEEEEE!"

[@timobrien2813]

Thank you. UKUK

[@integrityreplysrandomely5507]

An average walk

[@Torthak]

H.E.A.T. HELL NO!!! DROP!! HFY

[@johnnyrotten3175]

👏👏👏👏👏

[@Ash-V]

Walkies?🥺

[@CasMullac]

Loved the story but the flip to some computer statistic’s really pulled me out of it. A personal recount of the resulting assault or after report would have been so much more interesting and followed the style of the story.

[@arandomsystemglitch2398]

i can already guess that even if wasnt inculded there was a HERES WHY WERE SO DAMN FRAIL BY YALLS TERMS *drop doors open as jump master begins to laugh very much* GET YOUR ASSES READY ITS ODST TIME WITH OUT THE PODS and maybe add in a command get the space marines ready aswell as dreadknots xenos: dreadknots?

[@cmmpr111]

Meth

[@Bdady74]

Algorithm appeasement comment

[@MarcZachman]

1

[@martialme84]

Another carelessly written story. The author was lazy and/or didn't really care whether their story turned out any good. 2/10 for lack of effort.