Never Look Both Ways (Unless You’re Crossing the Street) - Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin advises that the “look both ways” rule doesn’t apply in any situation other than crossing the street and claims his friend has catlike reflexes.
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[@89tilinfinity29]

one of my favorite jokes from Demetri, "i had a cactus once but then it died and then i got sad, cuz it made me realize... that I was less nurturing than a desert."

[@Jivolt]

bingo_fuel “When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they’re about to be an asshole.” Golden.

[@LikeSuicide]

"There's a big difference between taking karate and receiving karate."

[@cjpatz]

“The opposite of a chair.... is a cactus”. Another cactus joke from Demitri Martin from the “Sames and Opposites” song. He is the king of Cacti joke!

[@Heyim18bro]

@bingo_fuel and you sir are a patriot

[@theflowerhead]

Ahahaha

[@danteeightsix9069]

Demetri Martin is *looks left* *looks right* a funny guy

[@LukasMarkech]

he's barely okey dokey

[@Foxy-ve1oh]

Victor Saucedo boomers be like

[@TeresaSvk]

totally 😍😍😍

[@jedinxf7]

.... ladies

[@bulletprooftiger1879]

Lmao

[@ahappypikachu9753]

His quick-paced, dry humor one liners are super refreshing compared to the longer “story driven” comedy styles of other stand ups.

[@Amanda-hq9of]

every time i drink something full of ice, i think of him. “hold! brothers, hold! ATTACK!”

[@gg1081]

Amanda F best joke ever. Haha

[@jbuster9]

Me too!

[@theflowerhead]

😂

[@jeremywade6986]

Or with a straw!

[@MeowmeowAlexandra]

Lol imagine if that were true

[@luliby2309]

I'm so surprised that he didn't take off more than he did. He even had a show and everything. I really don't get why some people seem so down on him when I've always thought that he has a unique style all his own.

[@luliby2309]

There's room enough for the both of them. Long as they aren't carbon copies of each other I see no issue.

[@MountainJew69]

He’s a really shitty Seinfeld that’s why people don’t like him

[@jaguardestiny999]

He's got one after another. Like Steven Wright

[@occiferkodi]

Dude fuck anyone who shits on Demetri. I try not to shit on any comedians cuz who the fuck made any of us Comedy police? I just rewatched Important Things on the Comedy Central app and laughed so hard that it hurt. Plus the movie he did, Dean, was one of the best movies I saw that year and still a great flick.

[@Ryuksgelus]

Well honestly when you've seen one of his sets you've kind of seen them all. You consistently chuckle through his sets not belly laugh or feel anything.

[@marcussimmons5769]

I will never get tired of Demetri Martins comedy. Always makes me think and laugh at the same time.

[@wajisaleem]

I love how he changes random topics.. it keeps you very entertained throughout the entire show.

[@PjPerez]

While I love storytelling comedians, there's something to be said for just classic set-up-punchline stand-up, and Demetri does it pretty okeedokee.

[@shanetography]

There’s definitely not enough Demetri Martin on KZbin

[@sarahb3nyakar]

That's definitely not okee-dokee

[@zoehockmeyer897]

O

[@jkromes20]

classic. Demetri is one of my favorites ever

[@chanceDdog2009]

R.I.P dmitri

[@jkromes20]

Chance Whistler what?

[@maximx1332]

He has very good unique content. I didn't expect any of the punchlines to his jokes. Normally most of us see the punchline coming, but not with him. Great vid, thanks man

[@starshine94]

He also has two Netflix specials

[@mattneff]

Ice Bear appreciates his sense of humor

[@stinkygreeb]

What does this mean

[@JayRocArt]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought of Ice Bear

[@christinsenhernandez2009]

@@stinkygreeb he voices IceBear

[@prest4128]

@@JayRocArt Bears 🐻

[@Leftyotism]

"I think we should call the news "What's wrong?". xD

[@minds4578]

Didnt george carlin say the exact same thing like 30 years ago?

[@Leftyotism]

@@minds4578 Why did you ask me that and not google? : >

[@minds4578]

Cant find it, but it seems familiar. Also the okidoki joke...

[@Leftyotism]

​@@minds4578 LOL, I was almost making another comment, just for that Okie Dokie! xD Edit: And yeah, I don't know more than google in that other matter you mentioned. I am not suprised good'ole George Carlin sprang to your mind after hearing that, the resonance in the audience also kinda showed. May his spirit continue to fruit forever. ^.^

[@minds4578]

@@Leftyotism ja okie dokie hat felix lobrecht mal bei nightwash gebracht 😁 George Carlin war einfach einer der besten Comedians aller Zeiten 🙏🏻

[@augustgirl]

That okey dokey shit,. Omfg I'm dying!!!😂😂😂😂

[@Jedi256]

This guy is hilarious. I can't decide if I like the fact that his jokes are all very disjointed, but I am leaning toward thinking that's why it works

[@YoloMonstaaa]

I like it too

[@raphgwapiano7387]

Exactly what I'm thinking rn.

[@IETass]

It's Mitch Hedberg style

[@DJCoolK1d]

I was on a train & a lady was like ‘hey, what’s the time’ & I was like ‘uhm, the system we use to keep track of everything. You’re blowing my mind lady. I’m just trying to get home’.

[@michaelg8193]

Cigarette? -Yes, it is!

[@mrpopularfromdowntow]

That's great lol

[@peadar-o]

It’s like Adam Scott and Ray Romano had a child together.

[@ericwhatley5831]

Underrated comment 😂😂😂

[@kabangj]

More like Mitch Hedberg

[@betoxoxo5636]

Adam Romano or Ray Scott ?

[@kabangj]

@@betoxoxo5636 neither. imo. Demetri joke style is similar to mitch hedberg

[@ericwhatley5831]

@@kabangj He isnt talking about joke style but by looks and the way he sounds🤦‍♂️How are so many missing that🤷‍♂️

[@Dallas4X]

I have been wondering what happened to Demetri. Funny stuff and great delivery. More please.

[@savannahcoles7158]

He voices ice bear on we bare bears

[@chloapg]

Ice Bear looks both ways when he crosses the street.

[@noelle3780]

Yo this dude's hairs got him looking like he just walked out of Drake and Josh

[@akaaformentioned2yearoldfi910]

IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR EYESSSSSSSS SOMETHING SOMETHINGGG

[@Android-Zen]

What's drake and josh?

[@Emoon9]

@@Android-Zen a tv show

[@andysux1]

@@Emoon9 thats how you know they're too young

[@SparkySINN]

Or Bieber

[@Derpingtonshere]

Reading these comments I assume some of you have not seen Demitri before? This dude has been around for years.

[@cl759]

Oh yeah, all of a 24 is my guess and people say that's a lot of experience

[@macdaddy5796]

I was watching this guy when I was in high school. I am now 32.

[@techpunked]

@@cl759 He's 46, he just always has looked like a teenager. lol I think I first saw him on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

[@jax422]

Lidija Cullen 24? Closer to double that. He was born in 1973. I went to see him at the Wilbur Theatre in Boston is 2005 or 2006. He put out his first special in 2004. He’s been doing comedy for over 20+ years. I would say that IS a lot of experience.

[@jax422]

Mac Daddy same, except I’m 34

[@aisforapple2494]

Lady: "What's the time?" DM: "Well, it's the system we use to measure everything." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🥰🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@josafatfrancoisuribemartin18]

The "what's the time" killed me hahaha

[@UmbrellaSound]

I love his brand of humour, he's like modern Mitch Hedberg. Sad that he isn't bigger.

[@Xmas.Violet]

Seeing demetri got me really nostalgic haha

[@justinwray9636]

I used to be into nostalgia.

[@TheCornerKiller]

One of my absolute favorite comics! Very intelligent, waaay outside the box thinking!

[@looka698]

I've known about his work for years, but he still looks the same Crazy to think that this man is 46 years old

[@NESherv]

He looks at least 20 years younger.

[@FaymousExotics]

This dude is how old!? Wtf!?

[@RallyLancer95]

@@FaymousExotics 48 now. Dude doesn't age

[@howdj]

The crowd went mild!

[@JohnB00007]

I went snorkeling/surprise drinking a lot of water through a giant straw. Lol

[@globetrekker86]

“Are you… okey-dokey?” 🤣 I can imagine a “Smooth Criminal” remix with the lyrics, “Are you okey-dokey, Annie?”

[@lugnuts7800]

Reminds me of Mitch Hedburg; very cerebral comedy. I love it!

[@bobbisue313]

Same

[@gomezmaikito]

Same thing I thought, his voice

[@kourii]

I only just had this epiphany, but it's so true

[@MountainJew69]

Saying something is “very cerebral” is the absolute least “cerebral” thing you could possibly do.

[@brucebenson2835]

" I ain't ever seen batshit, but if I did I'd say that's crazy!".

[@wenjidy86]

I can't believe ice bear is also a comedian

[@azultarmizi]

ice bear from we bare bears‽

[@ponderingypanda]

@@azultarmizi he's the voice actor

[@twofortin]

ALL I CAN THINK OF IS ICE BEAR NOW 😭😭

[@rubydarling7564]

@@ponderingypanda really?

[@Mothertoebeans]

Always look both ways before you give someone a hug.

[@angelalee4168]

I only hear ice bear 😂😂😂

[@queeniebeanie3196]

I found the comment

[@johnadams9514]

I'm just realizing that he reminds me of Mitch Hedburg. I guess it's all the non-sequiturs.

[@bobbisue313]

Omg I was thinking the same thing. Except he prolly not an addict an is less anxious. Mitch was the shit. Too bad. .

[@socialscientist1895]

It was basically a Mitch Hedberg impression. The "reluctant sponsor" joke was extremely similar to Mitch's "complicated payment" joke. It's like he was just writing in Mitch's style from that point on from the brevity of the jokes down to his very intonation. It's the best Mitch Hedberg impression I've ever seen.

[@KaninTuzi]

The snorkel joke felt like it was directly lifted from Hedberg

[@bobbisue313]

@@KaninTuzi yeah I could totally hear him saying that

[@OD_G00N]

I read the last bit as 'non-squirters', fuck my dyslexic ass

[@xwongx]

Dimitri is one of my all time favorites! Wish he got more recognition

[@Moondancin]

Love clean and creative humor like Demetri Martin, Mitch Hedberg & Nick Griffin.

[@Jivolt]

This man is a genius. A comedy genius and an intellectual genius. Watch his “If I” stand-up special and you’ll see what I’m talking about. The palindrome bit is bonkers. His “Stand-Up Comedian” album is probably one of the best comedy albums of all time.

[@carriemainquist757]

"It's 6 O'Clock - Here's what's wrong" Priceless.

[@liteayami3957]

This dude is so good, so much potential. In a few years when he gets better at his transitions and possibly the order he delivers in hell be sooo fucking big. Love him ❤️

[@PolydamasReborn]

O.K. originally stood for "Oll Korrect," which was intentionally misspelled as that was a fad at the time.

[@jamersbazuka8055]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/eZarc52nmM9gmsU

[@user98xp]

Dimitri Martin is still 23?

[@mrexon]

user98xp Mitch is dead though! You know the guy he stole his style from

[@stephanroller3209]

You talking about Mitch lucker?

[@mrexon]

stephan Roller Mitch Hedberg... that’s the guy this guy is copying

[@B-RaDD]

💀💀💀

[@livelifehatefur]

@@mrexon sounds harsh when you put it that way. its a similar style to mitch but alot of comedians have similar styles. mitch was unique but he wasnt the 1st to have the style. when someone is doing a style thats unique i guess its just very noticeable.

[@rpm297]

Do you have the time? NO....THE TIME HAS MEEEEEEE! And fades from existence.

[@danielasmus447]

This guy is under appreciated 😂

[@Zlittlepenguin]

The most underrated comedian of all time lol

[@Bagreciever9000]

So many jokes that made me laugh in such a short time. Demetri is so smart

[@jcgarcia1931]

Right up there with Steven Wright... Greatest one liner act ever.

[@SolvingOurKreation]

1:10 - 1:20 it's like he channeled Mitch Hedberg for a bit, the overall tone and everything. Good stand up as usual from Demetri though.

[@1948eggyp]

Exactly what I was thinking. I loved me some Mitch Herbert.

[@Difficultureshock]

Ice bear enjoys basking.

[@JDines]

When they asked at the doctors office what was the best time to contact me I replied "Eastern." It took her a few seconds, then she said "You're such a fool" and I couldn't disagree 😀

[@fugglepugg8055]

Ice bear is pretty hilarious

[@bluefletcherfish]

OK is originally short for "All Correct" - apparently there was a trend in the 1800s to purposefully misspell things, and Oll Korrect became a thing, then OK.

[@neffariouspanda]

Wow! The more you know.

[@jamersbazuka8055]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/eZarc52nmM9gmsU

[@AndrewVelonis]

That's one explanation, there are others, including derrivation from the Choctaw language

[@notkimpine]

close my eyes and you can hear ice bear's voice.

[@adriancaliman4467]

Demetri is awesome. Closest as we get to Mitch Hedberg shows :(

[@GabrielLazzari-ku7he]

Thank you so much, this is awesome!

[@Launchcodem4]

that news line is so true

[@TeresaSvk]

I wish more guys had humor like him

[@UnTamedMustang]

This guy actually tells jokes...not state facts like other comedians.

[@cl759]

It's funny but you are really dismissive of other comedians, what is wrong with you? Is he holding your baby?

[@UnTamedMustang]

@@cl759 don't take it too literal. It's a joke. Ba-DuM, tSS . Aight, ima head out.

[@OneironauticalOne]

That last treehouse line was total Mitch Hedberg material. I love their sense of humor.

[@aisforapple2494]

"Is this your baby?" 🤣

[@kiseki1]

Reminds me of Mitch's comedy. Love it!

[@caffeinatednation8885]

This was the best skit I've seen of Demetri's I've seen to date:

[@Lark88]

Fun Fact: O.K. is actually short for "All Correct"

[@M1XEDBAG]

This stand up bit was okie dokie

[@gastonforde2121]

Ice Bear is awesome.👍

[@NestorMandela]

First time seeing this comedian and I love it. I'll find more material from him.

[@chadkirk2977]

Awesome dude

[@ObscureChan]

I always love this "Ladies ;)" skit lol~ how would you describe his comedy style? Quirky? Philosophical? LOL

[@alicookofficial]

Brilliant writing.

[@xenogorwraithblade2538]

For anyone wondering, O.K. is radio shorthand for "Oll Korrect" and has been used as an affirmative since the 1830's.

[@XAbseroX]

That okidoki part got me weak

[@Kevsz323]

I remember these jokes from his old show

[@brucekent3131]

Ok is short for "Oll Korrect"

[@Baldinosalvador]

Bruce Kent somebody has been watchin vox 😂

[@Vpeezy66]

Okie Dokie

[@brucekent3131]

@@Vpeezy66 I used to think that too but it turns out OK is really short for Oll Korrect. It's like slang From the late 1800's or something

[@brucekent3131]

@@Baldinosalvador that is another place that explains it..but I've heard it from a few places... Please correct me if I'm wrong though?

[@zac3392]

Vpeezy66 That would be O.D...

[@LetsChat]

"I wish they would just call the news 'What's Wrong.'"

[@ekdaufin1485]

Great smart humor. 🤣

[@amandamears1916]

Reminds of Mitch Hedburg...RIP to king of one liners.

[@at8ax]

Point of order: Having cat allergies, and having worked for Ringling, the rhythm of the joke notwithstanding, you're probably not allergic to lions, but you would definitely be allergic to tigers. Their dander is astronomically worse than lion dander. The more you know ....

[@MastaSmack]

Why would I need to know that?

[@edwardholmes6038]

...the more you bore the room to death

[@tubastud06]

Oh hey - Demetri Martin is still alive. Comedy Central pulled him out of the parts bin to get some views.

[@themexis]

haha i only watched to see if i was gonna be able to sit through the netflix special. this video just saved an hour of my life.

[@NoGoodHandlesComingToMind]

What's the story with him? It sounds like you're referencing something but I haven't heard of him until now.

[@tubastud06]

@@NoGoodHandlesComingToMind He made his big entry in 2003-4 and fizzled out in the following years. He had some random TV show on CC, but it didn't pan out past the first season I think. I'm pretty sure this is only like his 3rd standup since that time.

[@NoGoodHandlesComingToMind]

@@tubastud06 Ah, got it. Thanks for the explanation!

[@techpunked]

@@tubastud06 2004, 2007, 2012, 2015, 2018 - I had to cheat, but all the years he had a tv special. Oh, Netflix has the 2015 and 2018 ones.

[@ethanlucier2544]

O K - Boston brahmnin for "oll korrect"

[@mxfern854]

Duds good. Very good material.

[@myishenhaines1706]

Love this guy! No racist jokes; no rape jokes; just real talent.

[@torvaldask7193]

Very Mitch Hedberg-esque, I dig it

[@GoshujinGlass]

this is so much like Mitch Hedberg I love it

[@ronnylangostino6584]

This is Mitch Hedburg’s act with a sped up cadence.

[@bulletprooftiger1879]

Demetri's haircut makes him a hero to *looks left* *looks right* middle school boys

[@man_on_wheelz]

This dude is hilarious! I've never seen him before, y'all saying he's been around a while now, he needs a better PR person, this dude is hilarious!

[@theycallmespoons]

He had his own show on Comedy Central, not a special, a series…

[@carynis1hotassgirl]

This guy is absolutely hilarious! I needed these early morning laughs :)

[@vansolo12]

3:15 Double bass.

[@luliby2309]

Funny thing, but what "OK" stands for is "All Correct". It comes from some old New York slang from like a hundred years ago or something, where people would use different letters for words (All Correct = Oll Korrect) and so "All Correct" got shortened to "OK". It's the only bit of this old slang that survived...and that's probably a good thing.

[@zac3392]

The etymology is still disputed...

[@luliby2309]

Ok (heh), fair enough, I don't know all the details super intimately, but I remember learning that and wanted to share it.

[@dogchaser520]

OK stands for Oll Korrect, a humorous misspelling. It caught on and now is the world's most popular word, found in almost all languages.

[@mbhornick]

Reminds me of Mitch Hedberg, esp the bat joke.

[@THELONELYSOULSCLUB]

underrated goat

[@79eyesopenwide]

Get a bit of a Mitch Hedberg feel at times...love it ❤️

[@mattasticmattattack8546]

Old material but always awesome

[@nursultantulyakbay7070]

One of the best!

[@brucebenson2835]

Lol the toes joke was funny as duck!!!

[@aarondobbs2958]

One of the most underrated modern comics. Reminds me of mitch hedgeburg ( probably spelled that wrong)

[@kedabro1957]

2:05 OK stands for: O-ll K-orekt In the 19th century, literate people made fun of illiterates by pronouncing words the way an illiterate person would spell them. A common way people expressed agreement was to say "All Correct". Spelled phonetically that's "Oll Korekt". That joke became so popular that OK became a common humorous abbreviation for "All Correct"

[@jamersbazuka8055]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/eZarc52nmM9gmsU

[@tylerroach928]

Ice Bear!

[@Vann_Scale_Modeling]

Holy god, this is like Rodney Dangerfields nerdy, stoned grandson, I love it

[@Sfan985]

What's funny is Dangerfield was a big time stoner.

[@Vann_Scale_Modeling]

@@Sfan985 that is true. and loved his speed