NLP Techniques: Eliciting Values & Criteria

NLP Techniques: Eliciting Values & Criteria
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What's the difference between Values and Criteria and why are they important?
A value is not a thing. Value is the degree of meaning you give something whether that's lots of meaning for the things you highly value or little meaning for the things you don't value or value little.
When I write "things" I'm also referring to experiences or services, not just objects.
Take money for example. We don't actually want a lot of green paper and large numbers in our bank account are meaningless unless we give it a value.
Everyone has their on individual valuation of things even money. Even though one hundred pennies equals a dollar and ten one hundred dollar bills equals a thousand dollars every person will have their own sense of what that amount of money means to them.
In order to elicit your value of money just simply ask yourself what is important about money? If you have a specific goal of how much money you want, get more specific and ask yourself specifically what's important about having that amount of money.
After every answer keep asking yourself what's important or what would "that" allow you to be, do, or have until you get to a point where you cannot find a higher value.
Big values such as happiness and joy are usually where you end up.
Knowing your values is one of the most important things you can know because for most people their values are unconscious. Your values are what drives you to do everything you do. If you don't know why you do what you do, you're not living your life to its fullest.
Criteria is how you know when you have or experiencing your values.
Back to the example with money; once you know what your highest value is for having the money you want, it's time to elicit how you know when you are experiencing that value in sensory based terms. What do you see, hear, or feel when you experience that value?
Don't be surprised if your goal changes during this process. It often will because you'll often discover that the goal is somewhat arbitrary and you can experience your highest values without having to seek anything outside of yourself.
To summarize: Let's say you wanted to make one million dollars next year. After asking yourself what's important about achieving that goal you discovered that the highest value connected to this goal is happiness, you would then ask yourself how would you know it when you're happy? What would you see, hear, or feel?
If this is difficult, recall a time when you were happy. What did you see, hear, or feel (feel can be both what you felt inside and/or sensory based feeling).
Chances are you're able to bring back the feeling of happiness just by recalling a time when you were happy and you can realized that you're doing this in the present and you're doing it without a million dollars. You're not depending on anyone or anything else to make you happy.
You may also realize that there is a certain amount of money that tends to make you feel really secure which adds to your happiness. Your criteria can be something internal and external.
A happy and resourceful person (especially someone who realizes that they have all of the resources within themselves that they need) is far more likely to achieve their goals than someone who is unhappy and unresourceful.
Eliciting values and criteria is something you can do with anything you want, not just money. You can also elicit other peoples' values and criteria. This often creates a very interesting and enjoyable discussion.
Once you get good at this you can incorporate it in your own happiness and wellbeing, coaching others more effectively, and closing sales and powerhouse negotiating.
Once you understand within yourself what drives you and how you know when you have it and you understand this in others, your life will open up in ways you could never imagine unless you make this a practice.
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Damon Cart
Coach and Trainer
NLP-Gym.com
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NLP Techniques: Eliciting Values & Criteria • NLP Techniques: Elicit...

[@danilzubarev2952]

You make me understand people and myself more in every video. Such a great, inspiring person!

[@DamonCart]

Thank you. That's very kind of you to say.

[@trukeesey8715]

These are well done. Listen to Prem Rawat!

[@friendsofthegerund7693]

12:16 Criterion is, criteria are. Minus 1 point. Uphold the Friends of the Gerund!

[@DamonCart]

Noooooo! The grammar police! I'm very sorry officer. Guilt as charged. I ain't never going to do it not again.

[@friendsofthegerund7693]

@@DamonCart Bless your heart. But I am going to have to see some kind of ID. Either id or superego will do.

[@DamonCart]

@@friendsofthegerund7693 can I have a pass just this time?

[@ismaielwaheed4300]

Great content. Thanks Damon for sharing these valuable infos.

[@DamonCart]

Thank you

[@kuysvintv8902]

This is nice demo video, thank you for this. It's seems she's a kinesthetic person because of the way she responds and her eye cues.

[@DamonCart]

Thank you. There's a lot of misconceptions about what it means to be kinesthetic. In one sense we're all kinesthetic in an emotional/evaluative way. In another sense a person can be kinesthetic in the way that they store information in the body and primarily refer to that information in the body. An example would be an athlete. Many athletes are kinesthetic because they use tactile and proprioceptive references to do what they do. Another group of people in that same category of very kinesthetic people are people who are overweight and wear sweatpants all the time because they're comfortable, not because they exercise a lot. It's important to differentiate between proprioceptive/tactile kinesthetic and emotional/evaluative kinesthetic. The latter describes everyone. The former describes a certain category of people. Understanding that, I would not call Natasha kinesthetic. She's actually very well rounded so much so that trying to figure out her primary representational system especially for this demonstration isn't necessary nor useful.

[@kuysvintv8902]

@@DamonCart wow! didn't realize that there are 2 kinds of kinesthetic. Thank you for this explanation! it's really helpful. Will keep watching videos in your channel, it's really helpful and great value.

[@loulightfrench23]

Excellent - thank you - very informative and helpful - one to watch again!

[@DamonCart]

Thank you!

[@mbwanetthuninshukurwelaka3662]

Me too. I'm receiving coaching at the moment and values is coming up. I'll watch this again after that and compare the two processes, but I already gleaned a couple of 'ahas' even half watching while doing something else. Another great video - thanks Damon!

[@YOGATEC_JEREMYSWAN]

Very simple and insightful, so good 🙌

[@valentinalaura5861]

I totally appreciate this thank you. I’d love to see more of this techniques in action ✨

[@DamonCart]

Here you go: kzbin.info/www/bejne/f4a6d2NpgrqZbqs

[@fightbacktohealth9625]

Damon... thank you. Using this on myself now

[@DamonCart]

You're welcome.

[@alwaysbeclosing6790]

Great demo.

[@sisinis1]

Hello nice job there analytical but simple. My thing is that we create our reality slow or fast with our unconscious mind. When bad things come i know that somehow i had a synergy on that event. How do you fight your guilt on a bad reality , for your part of creation?

[@DamonCart]

Bad things can happen without you making them happen. If someone runs a red light and hits you, you're not to blame. We're responsible for our experiences, how we feel about something that has happened. But we are not responsible for every happening. If you did something that you feel guilty about, you feel guilty because you violated one or more of your values. For example, if you value kindness and you treated someone cruelly, you feel guilty because you violated your value of kindness. Once you know this, you can imagine how you could have done it differently so you wouldn't have violated your value of kindness. This creates a reference experience to guide you to doing better in the future. You can also apologize to the person. If they're not someone you know and you won't see them again, you can perform a random act of kindness for someone to make up for treating the other person cruelly.

[@ivanikolic3111]

Simple and beautiful demo. Do you have a video or blog where you talk about the difference between values and criteria?

[@DamonCart]

Thank you. You'll find everything on my KZbin channel. I've made nearly 700 videos so the best thing to do is go to the video tab on my channel and type in what you're searching for in the search box and see what comes up.

[@pgfinna]

So after we have our values the next step is to install them into our self concept?

[@DamonCart]

Correct, more specifically install them as qualities of your identity.

[@tamaramaurer154]

Awesome and valuable video! Thank you Damon!

[@DamonCart]

My pleasure!

[@rebeccaallen6373]

Brilliant! Thank you! Makes perfect sense.

[@DamonCart]

What clicked for you?

[@rebeccaallen6373]

Easy to understand format, well explained and a clear example. It's clear to see from what you've said that you can understand your values and adapt your behaviours eg. criteria to be in alignment with those values and live happier. Perfect! I will get to work. Great channel. Thank you and keep the videos coming!

[@DamonCart]

Thank you. Will do.

[@gabrielsocial2708]

Thanks by this video. It helps me so much. I got a question, when I choose a high value for get its submodalities and make mapping across to include a lower value to top of my hierarchy how would I lead with aways from or towards values? For example if my top value is away from and I wanna upwards a towards value would I use that change of submodalities or I'll have problems?

[@DamonCart]

You're welcome. I'm not entirely clear on what you're asking, but I can say you shouldn't focus on an away from value and it definitely should not be your highest value. Take the away from value and ask what do you want instead of this in order to turn your attention toward what you want. If you're Mapping Across, you need to use context instead of values: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qIvMlqCDjZdlirc

[@georgejetson9801]

This is amazing! Thanks!

[@DamonCart]

Thank you! What do you like about it?

[@tatianapouladian7901]

well done. Thank You very much.

[@DamonCart]

You're welcome. Thank you for your comment.

[@tatianapouladian7901]

@@DamonCart I like to learn more about this please. How do i go about this?

[@robinnichols5304]

If you asked her if you were free what would that allow you to do/be/have would that give you her criteria or is that about possibility? Also Ive often been tokd that happiness isn't a value but a generalised emotion, could you clarify thanks. Great video

[@DamonCart]

It would really depend on how she answered it. If her answer was a detailed snapshot of her being free, that would be criteria. If her answer was another value, then it's a values elicitation. Happiness is an emotion. It's also a resource. And it's also a value. A value is a generalization about an experience that is important to you. There are ways of being an things that you do that make you happy. You're motivated to do those things in order to fulfill the value of happiness.

[@danielblake8255]

Hey Damon.. Another savage video. I was wondering can relief be a value if i tie it to an experience?

[@DamonCart]

Thank you. Technically speaking any experience you value is a value. A value is a generalization about an experience that is important to you. However, there are more generative values than others you can pursue. Relief might by my highest value in the context of someone choking me, but once they stop choking me and I have relief, then what? Do I keep pursuing relief? From what? It ends there. In other words, relief is a fine value to pursue given a very specific context, but for a larger, major life context, it won't get you far. It definitely won't get you as far as the values of happiness, love, joy, and passion. Even if there is a major life context where you want relief, it will still be much more powerful to pursue values beyond the relief. Ask yourself what will relief do for you and that will reveal higher values. Relief, like security and comfort, is a low level value that once you fulfill it, you need to go beyond it. Constantly pursuing relief will likely turn self-destructive.

[@danielblake8255]

@@DamonCart Yeah your right actually Damon i think it was freedom i was after all along . Thanks. Been doing good work on richard grannon thanks for recommending him

[@bulachesan]

Hello , I found your video very interesting with regard to kinestesic people, very good and clear explanation !

[@DamonCart]

Thank you.

[@nehawadhwa5027]

It was great thanks

[@DamonCart]

My pleasure

[@PGaneshRaju]

This is exactly what Harlan Kilstien talks about - you ask them what's most important to you about X, then. You dig deeper until you find their 3 main criteria. Can you use an example in sales How do I pitch myself as a Copywriter using criteria?

[@DamonCart]

Know what their values are. I think you're confusing values with criteria. Their values is what is important to them. Criteria is how they experience their values. For example say I want more money. What's important to me about that might be security. How do I know when I experience security? (criteria question). When I feel relaxed and at peace (another value). When you know their values, try to adjust what you offer as a criteria for them to experience their values. If I were selling life insurance I would elicit the values around protecting a person's family and then position life insurance as a criteria for protecting his family.

[@lamarbrown5167]

Wow Great Meta Model Example !

[@DamonCart]

Thank you! You know the Meta Model?

[@wetlazer]

I am trying to do this for myself. I am doing a course to help me with changing careers and as I am doing this I keep blocking myself from answering. For example, I asked "What do you want?" I answered "I want to find a new job, or start a new business, that I love." Then I asked myself if these should be two questions and if love was value. I sat back in my chair and tried to calm my mind. I fell asleep for a few minutes. Then I spit out five answers: I'd be happier Work with fun people Make good money Do work that mattered Have more control Then I asked "What would doing work that mattered do for you?" I then went back into my previous defensive - I don't know - mindset. My body even crunched up. It's so weird, like I am trying to block a punch. It's so odd. Is this something that is common for people? Would my question be helpful for anyone, or am I a goofball? I suppose both could be true.

[@DamonCart]

Interesting. Let's try rephrasing the question. What's important to you about doing work that is meaningful?

[@SaraheffinQ]

Ask yourself whats important to you about business

[@wetlazer]

@@SaraheffinQ Helping people, and not starving to death.

[@benjaminmcgrand8252]

What questions get u someone’s criteria and values the most casually

[@DamonCart]

This is a skill more than it is a script. I recommend eliciting your own values and criteria and then practice doing the same with other people. Let them know that you're practicing a conversational framework so you don't have the pressure of trying to do it perfectly. Once you have cultivated some ability with this, start practicing eliciting people's values and criteria conversationally. When you do this well, people will feel like they're having the most amazing conversation because all you're really doing is giving them permission to talk about everything that's important to them.

[@akikohigashi5221]

Thank you for another insightful video and written description! For some reason I thought “fulfillment” wasn’t a value just like “confidence” - you can’t directly go at it and needs to be digged in deeper. If “fulfillment” is a value, then is “purpose (having a purpose)” value as well?

[@DamonCart]

Technically any experience you value is a value so fulfillment, confidence, and purpose are values. However, they are so broad and general (on a very high logical level) that we cannot work on them directly. What is fulfillment? If you know what it is, just do it. But we can't, can we? Fulfillment is when you fulfill a value or when you fulfill multiple values at once. So we have to chunk down to a lower logical level so we know what are the values that fulfill you. For Natasha in this video, freedom and happiness were two values that, when fulfilled, cause her to experience fulfillment. Once you know the values that fulfill you, you can behave and act in alignment with those values in order to experience fulfillment. If you want to take it to a much greater level, install those values as solid qualities of your identity and you will experience fulfillment consistently even when you're not actively acting in alignment with those values. Believing you are the very qualities you value, is where true, consistent fulfillment is. Keep in mind this video is nearly five years old. While most of what I said in the video was accurate, I have learned a lot since then. When Natasha says feeling good about herself as one of the answers to my questions, I shouldn't have counted that as a value. That again was too broad and general. It was about her self-esteem which is on the same level as fulfillment, purpose, confidence, etc.

[@akikohigashi5221]

@@DamonCart Great! So well explained once again, thank you for the clarification. What you wrote really confirmed my original belief of needing to go deeper than those broader values. As I practice VE with people, "fulfillment" and "purpose" kept coming up, and when I heard people saying them, I kept chunking down to more specific values and criteria and didn't really include those values (purpose, fulfillment) on the final values list. So when I watched this video, I second-guessed myself if I should've included them, haha. But now it's all clear.

[@DamonCart]

@@akikohigashi5221 It's all part of the process of getting clearer and understanding this better. There will be time of being unsure and doubting something so you explore it further. Ask questions, etc., which is what you're doing. You're adding layers to your understanding, which is excellent.

[@akikohigashi5221]

@@DamonCart Yes, adding layers to create a bigger clarity and peeling away the layers to get to the truth behind the desire at the same time! Thanks for the encouragement Damon!

[@tonypatricelli8408]

very helpful

[@DamonCart]

Thank you. What do you like about it?

[@tonypatricelli8408]

i can relate to this video on so many levels...i love the process and approach and wll incorporate it for myself

[@DamonCart]

It's quite powerful.

[@PGaneshRaju]

I've studied a little from Harlan Kilstien, he talks about how criteria forces him to close 100% of the people. How can someone use criteria and be able to sell products to 100% of the people ?

[@DamonCart]

No one can sale 100%. It wouldn't even be ethical.

[@a.m.gencheva1882]

Happiness is not value it is a state that’s highly valued!

[@DamonCart]

What's the difference? Happiness can be a state, which implies that it's temporary as in I'm happy now but it will pass and tomorrow I won't be happy. Happiness can be part of someone's identity as in they are a happy person. In this case you can call happiness a quality. Regardless, happiness is intangible. You can't see it, hear it, or feel it (in the tactile and proprioceptive sense), therefore if you value it, it's a value. How is it not? Now I can value pizza, but that's not a value. It's an object and I can test this with my senses. I can value the ability to play music, but again this is not a value. It's a skill. If I value happiness then happiness is a value and I will likely do things that fulfill this value, which makes me happy.

[@AA-jg7xm]

I have all the sensors in my neck and shoulders... Both good and bad

[@DamonCart]

It’s common to store intense emotions in that area.

[@noiseasierthanyes4195]

She seems to be primarily kinaesthetic, anybody else notice that

[@DamonCart]

What do you see or hear (or both) that make you think this?

[@elskar1]

Replay🙏