Not Repeating Yourself

To build the habit of attention, Charlotte Mason told us not to repeat ourselves when giving instructions to children. But how do you make that work in practice? Sonya and Laura discuss this question in this episode.
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[@lauramatthew9726]

I love how these ladies presented this in such as kind, gentle way that does not come across as judgmental at all. I have struggled with some moms making me feel judged when my little boys were too wiggly or noisy. But after watching this I feel empowered and encouraged. Thank you!

[@mrsh2610]

I think doing the task twice is a wise idea, and even as the mother having joy and emulating the joy of completing the task twice is very effective. I think so often we tend to emulate the attitude of "we wouldn't have to be doing this if you'd have done it right the first time." Expectant encouragement truly is a beautiful thing.

[@afruitfullife9857]

This channel is such an encouragement to me.

[@readaloudmom]

I find it effective when I use the “whisper technique .” I have a 2 year old girl. When I tell her to do something and she tells “no,” I whisper to her my instruction. She then whispers it back to me and follows.

[@RK-qk7ow]

Lovely:))

[@marisadaniela6]

I really love how you broke this down, ladies. Especially about taking a short while to slow down and really help them along with getting the habit established.

[@jennylhenry78]

I think I finally understand "the how" to implement not repeating. Sadly, I have trained my children to obey only after I've asked multiple times and are now yelling at them. 😔 I have four children (ages 9, 7, 3 1/2, and 20 months). I will get worn out being intentional with each of them in this area at the same time. I think I will treat this like any habit training and work individually with each of my children for 6 weeks. My second child has the hardest time, so I think I will start with her and then my oldest, then boy, and the baby when appropriate. All the while work on the habit of full attention in myself. Thank you ladies for this helpful insight!

[@AutumnPaigeHarris]

Jenny Henry I read in, “To Train Up A Child,” that if we have mis-trained multiple children, its best to start training correctly with the youngest. The idea is that the older children will observe the training, the correction, and the change in the child’s response. They’ll learn to tow the line or face the consequence. And then, as you have said, work your way through them one or two at a time. If we take time to physically walk a child through their responsibility, we save time in the weeks ahead (after they’re fully trained in that habit) when they will automatically do it on their own. You can sit back and watch your house run itself! You’re in the tough spot right now. I just began re-training mine after training them the way you mentioned in your comment. We have been working on it for about 8 weeks and my children no longer argue with me about making their bed after they wake up. I’m still telling them to do it, but they stopped arguing! Anyway, what I’m telling you is, I have seen progress and the proof of Charlotte’s methods is truly in the pudding. Start feasting! You can do it. One habit, one or two children, at a time. And let something slide to give yourself time to commit to training them. Pray for clarity from God and for His hand to free you up to train them. Best wishes.

[@jennylhenry78]

@@AutumnPaigeHarris so SO helpful. Thank you for your reply and encouragement. 😊

[@jennylhenry78]

@@AutumnPaigeHarris so I'm just thinking out loud. But if I am building The habit in myself of not repeating and in order to do so I must look at my children's eyes when giving them instruction. I need to train myself at the same time with all four of them. And yes it makes sense to hand-hold the littles first because that's easy and I'm not training bad habits in them. then that is the example that my to Biggs we'll see. So if I'm not hand holding my bags right now then what would be consequences for them for not obeying? would it just be that they have to sit and until they figure out what I asked them to do so that I'm not repeating myself? Or if they got distracted on the way with a toy like it says in the video then they would just lose that toy for the day? And is it okay to prompt them with questions like what's in your hand or what was the room I said to go to or things like that as opposed to them just sitting there for hours not having a clue what I said but those questions to help them use their mind to think about what I said so that I'm not repeating the instructions. I hope this makes sense. 😅

[@djina3141]

@@AutumnPaigeHarris needed to see this tip--thank you for sharing!!🙏🏼

[@stephanieoconnor3530]

@@AutumnPaigeHarris what if your youngest are twins?

[@Stephanie_Villegas]

Who would unlike this video?!! You ladies are so helpful and amazing. I thank the LORD for you ❤️

[@mrsh2610]

I just absolutely peacefully, hopefully love these encouraging podcasts. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing wisdom. God bless you both to overflowing ❤️

[@liztefft5312]

I appreciate you ladies so much. Thank you for encouraging us Mamas, even in our own growth.

[@lcs-salam]

We are not yet homeschooling but this has been such an encouraging channel to watch even in these younger years to establish good habits!

[@mistyhamblen649]

Both of you are the best!!!! So thankful for your help and guidance!!!!

[@djina3141]

I am so blessed to have found your channel! I will save this video for future reference. Thank you for sharing all of your videos and especially these Q&A videos! They are so helpful! God bless you♥️

[@elianaisrael4796]

Absolutely love this!

[@OurSabeel]

love this, thanks for sharing, would love a discussion on one for tidying up habits with young children.x

[@yinvonnewong708]

I gleaned so much. Thank you so much godly ladies. Praying u get well soonest.

[@SimplyCharlotteMason]

So glad that you found this helpful. Thank you for your prayers!

[@maryjmama46]

Thanks for mentioning the smart alick kid🤪 I got one of those

[@unconditionallovehomeschoo1830]

Me too

[@unconditionallovehomeschoo1830]

Very helpful so helpful

[@zillycrew]

Love these episodes! Right now I have some children who have very poor habits of the grumbles and poor attitudes towards work. I have showed him in the bible what God says and I feel like all I do is tell him "please do it without grumbling" or "choose the right attitude" it keeps going on. I dont know how to go from here or what else to do....I dont know a consequence for this.

[@Trad634]

Rachel Z. I’ve had a very faithful Christian counselor suggest to me that this is not at all uncommon, and that you wait until the thing is done (bad attitude and all) and then gather their attention back up and tell them that because they didn’t obey willingly and cheerfully, you need them to do an additional chore. And repeat. And repeat. He told me to be prepared to make the point to the child that their attitude is so important to you that you have aaaaaaalllllll day to repeat if necessary.

[@gbcflower]

I asked my husband about this very problem recently. He suggested I have the children write Bible verses every time they grumble. I've chosen verses that have to do with the tongue or thankfulness. They write the verse one time for every year of their life. So the 8 year-old has to write one verse 8 times whenever she grumbles. My littlest ones who are not yet able to write sit in a chair for 1 minute for every year of their lives. So tne 2 year old sits for 2 minutes. No interaction during that time. I go on with whatever task I was doing unless I need to physically put him back in the chair. If he gets up his time starts over. My little ones actually don't usually get up any more now that we've been doing this for a while. If they're whining I tell them I don't understand whining language and I don't respond in any other way. Hope these ideas help.

[@ciannacoleman5125]

@@gbcflower Have the lines worked for you? I understand the intention behind this idea but would be hesitant to force them to write scripture as a punishment when the goal is to train them to love Bible and memorizing verses, this sounds like it would potentially build resentment or a desire to avoid writing verses

[@nmatus27]

@@gbcflower that's awesome!! I will start doing the writing verses!!!!!

[@courtney2718]

The natural consequence might be that the child has to wear dirty pyjamas. Removing the toy is maybe a relative consequence, but not natural, because you yourself would have to implement the removal of the toy; it doesn't happen naturally.

[@SimplyCharlotteMason]

Thanks for continuing this conversation!

[@LosDuranchos]

Pienso que quién debe repetir la indicación son los niños, pues de esta forma ellos mismos comprueban la indicación. Y claro un paso a la vez, una petición a la vez, no hacer listados de compras. No es lo mismo decirle arregle su cuarto a un niño de 12 a pedirle a un niño de 7 que recoja lo que no pertenece a la sala. ¿Consideras la revisión del proceso cuando ellos dicen "ya terminé"? ¿Se vale decir "estás seguro que ya terminaste?

[@amymello7481]

Does this apply to narration? If I read a passage and they zone out and can't narrate back, do I move on and not repeat reading the passage?

[@SimplyCharlotteMason]

Hello Amy, It does apply to narration as well. Charlotte wanted children to be able to tell back after a single reading or hearing to develop the habit of attention. You can learn more about this important habit at: simplycharlottemason.com/blog/attention-core-values-of-charlotte-mason/

[@amymello7481]

@@SimplyCharlotteMason many thanks!

[@otterheart3844]

What are you thoughts on special situations? I have two. One hard of hearing child who sometimes either doesn't hear or didn't hear what I said correctly so even if I have his attention and ask him to repeat it back he may repeat it back incorrectly. My other son is severely adhd and has a hard time processing more than a very short instruction. For him would it be best to just give tiny parts one bit at a time? For example "please pick up you pajamas." After that is done "now please go put them in the hamper."

[@ciannacoleman5125]

If your hard of hearing child honestly didn’t hear/understand the first directive then it is likely ok to restate. “No repeating” is more for attentiveness and proper obedience than letting the child fend for themselves, remember the portion of the video about the “heart.”

[@courtney2718]

For my adhd child, I have to break it down into steps and supervise. The thing to remember with adhd kids is their executive function can be up to 30% lower than their age, e.g. a 6yr old can have the executive function of a 4yr old. So I try to adjust my expectations based on that.

[@libertyfarmer777]

I came to ask a similar question. My child has auditory processing disorder so I not only have to repeat myself but reword things to help his brain get all of it. Hoping someone else will weigh in with similar experience.

[@SimplyCharlotteMason]

Hi, This is an excellent question. At SCM we would encourage you to respect your child as a person and to meet them where they are providing additional support as needed. You know your child best and this is still a goal that you can work towards, but as you said maybe you start by giving him very small pieces of information, maybe you need to make sure you are face to face with the child or they have a visual support to help them understand what you are saying. I think that this post on habit training with special needs children will be helpful to explaining this more thoroughly. You are on the right track though with your instinct that if a child is not capable of doing something yet, we need to adapt, it would only be an exercise in frustration for the child and for you if we set the bar too high and then were implementing consequences because they did not do it right, when really the lacked those foundational skills and were not ready for that level of difficulty. simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-special-needs-one-at-a-time/