Chinese vs. Western Wedding Customs, Can You Make Asian Parents Like You?

Hey Everyone!
In this video, Mike and Dan talks about chinese and western wedding customs. Also, if you are dating a chinese person and their parents' don't like you...what do you do?
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[@skimlines]

In Korea, it was customary for the parents to buy the new couple a new apartment/house and to furnish it entirely. We also have a fun thing where the groom's friends shout at the groom to come out and play on the first night to try to distract him from the bride.

[@johnniewilliams1077]

wow cool

[@mo_7199]

time to find a korean man :)))

[@felisd]

Regarding the whole mixed marriage Asian parents liking you thing: Mike nailed it. It really does depend on the girl you're with. If she's rebellious enough to date you, but you know that ultimately, she will bow to pressure from her parents (and NEVER underestimate the pressure Asian parents can put on their kids - if they really go at it, it's almost like bullying), and you're looking for something more than just dating, it may be best to just break it off. BTW, if she's dating you in secret, and hasn't told her parents yet, sit her down and have that conversation, because if she's not brave enough to tell her parents about you two now, she's probably not going to stand long under pressure from them to dump you. But if she does stand her ground, and she shows that she is willing to stand up to her parents for you, they will eventually come around. It may take a decade, but if you are a decent person to her and respectful to her parents, and give them grandchildren, they will eventually accept you. Tip: learn the language. One of my friends married a white guy, and her parents refused to speak English around him for years. Learning to understand Chinese got him through some pretty sticky situations when her parents came to stay after his first son was born. :)

[@samuelmorris9609]

Great video guys! Totally relatable, haha.

[@peggiel.9014]

My mom knows I am dating someone but the rest of my family doesn't because We believe college before dating. I've dated guys in my past always kept it a secret but allowed my mom to know. She talked to me a bit about marriage custom and all. She accepts my long distance relationship. In about 8 months he will be moving to my state:) I legally have a dad, but he isn't always been in my life.

[@luisguanche5168]

Way too complicated. All of the Asian girls I've met (along with their parents) are completely westernized... IF anybody has to go through what you just described just to get married, they probably just had bad luck.

[@peggiel.9014]

Why was I tagged and what was your comment?

[@hodor]

Yup, grandchildren do have magic power.

[@1492irina]

11:31 My mom says that her parents were set on her marrying her a Taiwanese guy, but by the time she was 30 (and met my white af, German-Canadian dad), they told her (and I'm quoting my mom) "Just marry the whitey".

[@KHRN2014]

I laughed out loud at that!!

[@threepio5355]

You guys have an awesome dynamic..fun to watch. As for interracial marriage/relationships... I think it is very possible to change an asian parents view of the guy. My father was a traditional chinese man...my serious relationships were with white guys... 1 of them my father did not accept, even kicked him out of the house more than a handful of times...the other 2 he accepted. The difference between the one he didnt accept and the ones he did was respect. I think if someone is willing to invest the time to learn about the culture, respect the culture, respect the parents then it is very possible to be accepted.

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

Thanks :-)

[@TheMechanicalGirl999]

AWESOME NAME AND PIC!!! Just had to say it it, "Artoo Detoa" and threepio!!! LOL!!!

[@Kabgirl24]

I was too cheap to have a "standard" western wedding. I even told my husband not to break the bank with a very expensive set of rings. We went to the justice of the peace in the presence of a couple friends and went to the Cheese Cake factory afterwards. We lived in Hawaii at the time so we didn't need to spend money on a honeymoon. My mother in law put together a small reception at their house a few months later. I would rather save the money and use it on starting our life together. My husband and I are going on 7 years now.

[@MsJavaWolf]

I hope you are still happy together. Invest that money in your life together or maybe your children.

[@raeli6614]

As a Chinese born and raised in Shanghai, why do I feel like that the kind of Chinese wedding they described was like from at least more than a hundred of years ago... Not seeing your wife before entering bedroom is not happening now, like seriously...

[@anastasiaye4064]

That's why they said "a long time ago". Of course it's not practiced now, but there's no denying that it /was/ the custom. Though yeah the last people who did that were probably my great grandparents. Pretty sure although my grandparents' marriage was arranged, they met once before the wedding day.

[@charlesrusso7646]

I know they really r speaking in general Also there r diff ethic groups of white Americans and social class Lots of $$$ houses realestate and jobs r given at white American weddings

[@kaidanariko]

They literally said “a long time ago. Although not many do it now”

[@kaiserdhuglas1865]

Sounds exciting

[@maxverner2341]

Ok I was happy watching these videos until I got here. I get it there's tons of jokes especially jokes at these guys own expense. But this is harking on tradition now and making it seem like Asians are nut jobs who marry because God wanted them to or their parents threatened bodily harm against them if they didn't. tl;dr warning

[@WittyKittyRitzy]

Funny I just found out that my azn boyfriend that I dated for 6 yrs now, his father likes me and applauds my cantonese.family friend likes me and his grandfather likes me (before he passed away). Recently I found out that my b/f other grandpa on his mom's side had huge influence on getting the mother to 'accept' me. She is 'OK' with me being black american but she is pretty unsettled with me marrying her son (OH but she has NO problem taking all of my gifts!?!). So..You are right about parental influence. It takes a lot of sucking up to those parents and respecting tradition. And not buying cakes with white icing lol

[@carmengarcia-zw2pc]

you guys are hilarious and just subscribed plus you guys are soo down to earth including simple and straight to the point. you guys are inspiring me more to do a channel ^^

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

carmen garcia Nice! Thanks :-)

[@KSangel180]

I had such a small wedding. Loved it! I have known so many couples who went for the big wedding. Almost all of them were fighting like cats and dogs over it all. Too much trouble if you ask me! Short and sweet! Save all that money for the honeymoon!

[@mentoswatthehell]

im not looking forward to having a wedding, but if i do, i want a small one with BBQ/pot luck and jeans and Ts lol

[@mentoswatthehell]

being in a chinese family, oh god so many things.

[@KSangel180]

Wow! North American weddings are already too much trouble for me. I can imagine that'd be crazy! I hope you get your small wedding! :D

[@mentoswatthehell]

my bf is American white, so don't know how thats going to come down too LOL, my cousins guest at her wedding was about 600 ppl O_O. and i hate wearing dress. so hell no for me. i'm a nerd and i want a nerd theme wedding. which is sad, ppl dont see it that way lol

[@KSangel180]

That's just plain frightening! I hope whatever goes down you make it out in one piece! I found this article: www.cnbc.com/id/102066943 It's about how spending more money on the wedding leads to higher divorce rates. Maybe you could use it as a good reason to have a smaller wedding. :D Hope that helps!!

[@jasmineliu1569]

here in singapore, most chinese people have hybrid weddings, where they have the gate crash and tea ceremony in the morning, and have the celebrations in a hotel in the evening :-)

[@wujiajia5314]

Jasmine Liu what is gate crash

[@Mikyle]

Mike's response when Dan was talking about the world cup was priceless! Why. So. Why? Fine. HAHAHA

[@AkPinay]

Your timing is on point! I literally just got engaged to a Taiwan-raised Chinese man two days ago! I want to pay homage to his Chinese heritage at the wedding, but his parents are surprisingly flexible and open-minded toward western customs, so I guess I got lucky!

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

nice!

[@ChefKayla]

Basically bringing cash to an Asian/Chinese wedding is a safe bet no matter what.

[@DanielBlak]

To white guys dating asian girls worrying about the parents accepting you: don't give up, convince them you're worth it. Take up every aspect of the culture. If the relationship is really worth it, she'll make it work. Your girlfriend is in control and her parents will understand in time. It took 3 years for my girlfriends dad to stop introducing me as a "friend". Source: In 5.5 year interracial couple.

[@peachesxcream584]

*a different race then Asian not just white

[@ebisawkward]

That groom test/hazing whatever actually sounds like a lot of fun

[@IcyShard1001]

My dad is like full on Asian but he understands that the next generation has their own life to live and the parents shouldnt live through them...anyone agree?

[@IcyShard1001]

Hey not to be offensive or anything but would you guys like nicknames? i was walking down the street when i randomly though Dumpling Dan and MaPo Mike...

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

haha switch it, Dan is def a MaPo

[@IcyShard1001]

Is he? I didn't know that....

[@IcyShard1001]

You guys should totally introduce yourselves like that for one episode :)

[@stelapenalva7004]

Hey guys, I'm neither asian nor american, but I love your show so much! I'm very interested in learning about other cultures, and you guys provide this knowledge for me in the most fun way. Thanks a lot!

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

Thanks for the love Stela, glad you enjoy the show :-)

[@DanaTippe]

I'm glad to have a much older sister. She has been through this whole thing, making it easier for me to figure a likely similar future situation (since I live in a very white town) out. Her boyfriend is white, and my parents are actually fine with it. My dad said, since they've already found and like eachother there's nothing to do about it. You can't split two people who love eachother apart. The most important thing for him is that she's happy. I find that pretty cute :)

[@louiseglasgow]

Someone I knew (Hong Kong immigrant family) had several dresses through the day - I heard that some people have a lot of dress changes. I mean the white western dress is one, but then there are several others.

[@greteltan8386]

Hahaha I love the confrontation with the bridesmaids it's so funny When my aunt got married it was kind of a mix of both western and eastern weddings. They had a fairly western wedding ceremony with western wedding costumes and all that but they also did the tea ceremony and the confrontation with the bridesmaids. I think it is quite cool to follow both customs!

[@doriswang5987]

actually the traditional wedding that you guys talk about is too old-school,cause there is few wedding like this that I heard nowadays in China

[@xianated]

In singapore, hybrid weddings are very common in the Chinese community here. 1. Western style wedding ceremony + dress 2. Chinese stye tea ceremony 3. Chinese style gate crashing (the one where the groom has to go through "torture" to see his bride.) 4. Chinese style lifting the veil of the bride when the groom goes to collect the bride from her family home. (then they do the veil lifting at the western style ceremony if they have one) 5. Wedding guests are expected to give a monetary gift. 6. Chinese style BIG wedding banquet (usually for families to show off their wealth) + several costume changes throughout the night for the bride (and maybe groom too) There you have it! Thanks for the fun video!

[@CosmicJelly-fish]

In traditional brown, south east asian culture its normal for the brides side to sort the wedding out and the groom and his family travel to wherever the bride is. Modern or western asians might split it between the bride & grooms family but they pick each others clothes lol.

[@CosmicJelly-fish]

Lol we do a similar thing to that cantonese too. Bengalis anyway the brides younger sisters and female cousins will set up a gate & the grooms side mainly the brothers have to barter their way in. They have to pay at the gate.

[@greteltan8386]

Thanks for making this video! It was cool and awesome and really interesting!

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

Gretel Tan Thanks :-)

[@kianastaples7492]

It's funny because I'm half black with an Asian boyfriend, and I remember when he showed me to his mom the FIRST thing she said was "she's black." He has a very traditional mother, and I don't think she thought we were seriously DATING at first, but now that he says he's happy, she's better about it. If I DID ever marry him (It's only been 6 months, so that's like, WAY in the future) I think a hybrid wedding would be so cool.

[@lordmasterization]

+Kiana Staples I brought a less than half black girl over to meet my mom, she wouldn't even look at her. She ran off shortly after :( Consider yourself lucky.

[@lordmasterization]

Kiana Staples I am very sorry to hear that I wish the same for you as well.

[@FiercelyGold]

+Kiana Staples Good luck. If people think white people are racist against black people, they haven't heard what Asians say about black people. NOT ALWAYS, obviously your boyfriend doesn't feel that way, BUT there are deep stigmas out there. Interesting fact: in Asian countries they have skin bleaching products everywhere, along with sun visor hats, because dark skin is a big no no. My black friend has experienced what you have, and my Asian friends are pretty bigoted against black people, so it's an up hill battle. Hopefully time will change that... soon! It does look like you are part white though which may help get his mom off your back. I know... shitty upside here, but it is a factor. I'm rooting for ya. It pisses me off when people act in hateful racist ways.

[@kianastaples7492]

FiercelyGold He um... he passed away. However, his mother... even though she does not speak English and can't speak to me without a translator, she appreciates how I loved her son and is extremely supportive. She has been so nice and nonjudgmental towards me, so it is possible, haha.

[@lordmasterization]

Still talking this thread lol

[@leafiamaya8771]

I remember the tea ceremony from my cousins birthday!

[@MrJackEvil]

"We met on a Tuesday in a coffee shop and the smell of jasmine was in the air :)" haha

[@codybamford12]

Thank You for always making your videos enjoyable... love you so much!!!

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

thanks! Love you too!!!

[@romanobritish]

My cousin married a girl from India they went to Vegas he is full blooded Mescalero Apache and she told her parents who still live in India that I married a American Indian. They were mad at first and said we are going to visit you. They were shocked that she was living on a ranch with horses but got over it when they found out my cousin is very rich end of story.

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

hehe

[@legnalove24]

chinese weddings are very similar to indian weddings

[@supersagarsagar]

Jessica Raglo we dont act christian..

[@lordmasterization]

+Jessica Raglo All Asian and all terrible.

[@AlexAlex-bk5lg]

+Jessica Raglo not true ...chinese man pay his wife's family dowry while indian woman pay her husband's family dowry if the bride dont give them enough dowry (in some case) she will be burned to dead by her husband family...sorry these did happen even in this modern age

[@lordmasterization]

Alex Alex good grief Indian culture is worse than I thought.

[@legnalove24]

yes i know that's why i said that they're similar, not "same''

[@x0habiib0x]

That advice about figuring out who your partner is in relationship to how they respond to their parents' demands is amazing. Thank you.

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

david santos no prob :-)

[@loveof2015]

Asian wedding customs are so similar to Yemeni wedding customs, they have a lot in common. Like the face cover, the meeting set up the couples, the grooms pays for the wedding, etc... If anyone is interested, and looks up wedding customs from around the world, you will find that most of the Middle East, Africa, Asia, and other countries that are in that part of the world have a lot of common on a lot of things, not just marriage.

[@karenbressler6187]

The ABSOLUTE WORST way to die is without knowing that Jesus Christ was crucified for you, and not asking Him to forgive your sins and not having this relationship to Jesus Christ

[@jovicotio]

Hi Dan & Mike, great job on your videos! You are hilarious! :) I live in a place where you get the best of both worlds when it comes to the Chinese & Western wedding customs, my sister and a lot of my friends have gotten engaged the Chinese way (you still get the gifts) and had a full-blown Western wedding. Also, meeting set-up (介紹) still happens except that whether the relationship progresses or not depends on the people being set up. I think that's good especially for people who are just not out there meeting people the way others typically do. The Q&A part, I've observed that while Asian parents tend to have a long list of "wants" for the person they want their son/daughter to marry, the list gets shorter as the child ages... meaning, at 20, parents want their kids to get married to a Chinese with a high level of education, a stable job, (some religious preference perhaps), but at 35, parents get "desperate" and are more accepting of deviations from their list. So good luck to the guy who sent in that question, some people can be worth the wait. :D

[@KellyfromMemphis]

The Eastern wedding veil is beautiful!! Your family has setting you up with care...and it boils down to looks being the LEAST important is fabulous to me...

[@louiseglasgow]

For a start, bridal showers are from the USA, not all western countries! The other things are though. Also, both of my brothers were really involved in planning their weddings, almost more so than their wives. That IS unusual, but to my mind, the groom should definitely be involved (except in exceptional circumstances), be involved in decision making, and carry some of the weight! You're both getting married, one person organising it all, or making all the decisions is a bad precedent for marriage imho (again except in exceptional circumstances).

[@heyitsthatwolf]

The double Chen show is the greatest way to get to know Mike and Dan. Would Yi and Mia have their own talk show too?

[@ingahall6555]

You guys are really improving with bathrobe contents and humor; keep up the great work!!

[@ChikaHikari1]

LMAO!! 'Dan is bleached!' Very brilliant use of the word :'))!

[@Chocobo0Scribe]

My cousin's wedding was a mix of Chinese and Western. She wore the white dress for the ceremony then changed into a red dress for the reception. She also did the tea ceremony with her now in-laws. Something similar with one of my dad's cousins, one story my dad's aunt loves to tell my younger cousins is how their mom's family were a little overwhelmed at how many cousins we have while she was introducing the bride's relatives to our family.

[@kaylasilver5384]

Thanks for clearing up the wedding stuff. My aunt had a mixed wedding, so I was confused what type it was. She changed dresses, had a tea ceremony, and the bridesmaids received money from the groom.

[@yadirahou]

Hi! I'm from Panama, the country in central America, and in the chinese wedding we do the games first and then the ceremony tea. It is so hilarious! But the exhausting part is shooting pictures with the couple! Standing all afternoon, we are dead by the time the dinner is served. But I love all the experience :) And for the interracial couples, I think the asian parents learn to accept the white guy o girl because of the love they have for they children, who doesnt want happiness for his/hers own kids! But the western person needs to have a lot of patience and respect to gain their acceptance. And Dan you are very "westernizing" haha you know your too asian when you choice tea over coffee haha Love you guys, thanks for sharing your knowledge about our precious culture! Btw missing Carmen! :(

[@GoldenBuffy]

This was a very informative video, thanks for making it! I am American, but a convert to Islam. So in a way I didn't have the traditional meeting of my husband or wedding. I think I had a uniquely American Muslim wedding. We didn't by chance. Actually, one of my girlfriends told her husband that I was looking to get married. So he took down what I was looking for in a spouse. He knew a brother from out of town, so he called him and told him about me. So he traveled from his state to our state and met with my uncle. who was my male guardian or walee, since my dad isn't Muslim. After they meet, talked and stuff, I was called into the room for our "sit down". Basically it's an interview for the potential spouses. I was so nervous, I couldn't even look at my husband. We sat across from each other with my uncle still present. We talked, discussed what we wanted in a mate, how many children we wanted, all that good stuff. Then he asked to see my face. That was the first and only time he saw my face before the marriage. Our sit down lasted for 2.5 hours. After that we agreed to get married two weeks later. He asked me what I wanted for a mahar (bridal payment) and I told him what I wanted. When a woman asks for that it could be something as small as a book up to a huge amount of money that the groom must pay before the wedding. After that we had no contact until we wedding. And then of course we had our wedding celebration a few days after our marriage, men and women separated. That was party time!

[@chocoboblue99]

Girl Meets World Rocks!!! I know what Dan wanted, he wanted to continue the story of Boy's Meets World, but that story is SUPER Done with. I'm a 90s kid too, but you have to remember that Girl Meets World is made for today's generation. I watched it and it's super good. Yes, they are in NYC. The show continues off with how they moved to NYC. Cory is now a history teacher and Topanga is a lawyer. Their daughter is in Cory's class. Everything about the show is update, but it has a 90s feel to it. It's a show where you can watch it with your kids, and you would love it because you're familiar with the characters. Your kids will like it because they can relate to them because they talk about "today's problems". They have announced that many off the characters from Boy Meets World will special guest on the show. I'm really looking forward to it. Can't wait to see how Shawn acts now with Cory. Do they have have that strange and awkward Bromance going on? lol

[@brousseaua]

my son met his wife, who is Chinese, at university. She had come from China to study at this university for a year. If I remember right, she finished her studies, and was working at a bank. My son went to work with the JET program in Japan and my daughter in law left her job and went home to China, although she worked and lived in Hong Kong. She wrote to my son and the friendship grew to love and they decided to get married. They got married at City Hall in Hong Kong. She wore a traditional red Chinese dress along with a real fur stole. Then, they had a huge reception in her home town in China, which we flew over to attend. We had a Lazy Susan thing on each table (it is round and turns) and there was so much food!!! Then, later on in the evening, my daughter in law changed from her western style wedding dress, to a traditional Chinese form fitting long dress, she had two different one - one red and the other a beatiful blue. Her wore her hair up. She and my son went from table to table, lighted peoples cigarettes and drinking booze offered from the guests at the table...they pretended to be drinking the booze! My son is well loved by his parents in law and now they have children. I love my daughter in law so much, she is so kind and gentle. It is hard though because we are in Canada and they are in Hong Kong. Also, in China, all the relatives just wanted to feed us!! Bye for now!

[@Veronicz]

When he talked about the seaweed wrapped around wasabi, it reminded me of someone in my grade who mistake wasabi for ice cream and took a spoonful when he was little.

[@CarrowMind]

Chinese weddings sound a hell of a lot more fun than Western ones!

[@lordmasterization]

+CarrowMind No they are not especially if the bride (if your a male) or groom (if youre a female) are chosen. If you went against wishes the wedding will be hell.

[@2dmenlover120]

LMAO 😅 not rly

[@circusdog1383]

Pfffft! Lol, u sure bout that?

[@Dangerous0Fairy]

It's so much like Arabic weddings ! The veil , the gifts , the traditions , parents refusing people from other races/ethnicities .. this was very informative .. thank you !

[@ChingKwok]

You two are my favorites! Growing up in Hong Kong, parents from mainland, now I moved here by myself and a lawyer, we have so much that we can talk about..and I love food. Come hang out with me in DC!

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

NICE! We will let you know if we ever come to DC

[@kawaiikittle2907]

My husband is Chinese but we just did a small traditional western wedding, though, we hope to renew our vows on our 10th anniversary and possibly do a hybrid wedding like Dan was talking about =)

[@bobomac2012]

Hi Chen and Chen, I am Chinese and my husband is a kiwi. When we planed our wedding the "bride focused" approach actually made me feel strange and almost unsupported; because every time I asked my husband something regard the wedding, he alway said "it is your day, as long as you are happy about it" initially I was really uncomfortable about his altitude, I felt he has put all responsibilities on. But we talked about it, after that he was more involved in the whole process and at the end he even got a more expensive wedding suit than my bridal gown, of course he was very happy about it :p

[@Bringm3hop3]

in the Chinese style wedding since the bride it picked based off of family status, couldn't the two getting married meet each other but not know it? I was just wondering because if the girl is picked based off of family status similarities then the families would probably know each other, right?

[@LiztheBRAVE]

Mike: "Dan is the type of guy who gets back on the horse, I'm like you know what? I'm gonna get a cab." ahahhahahahahahahahah

[@chrisbx5]

Hello Dan & Mike ~ I've watched a few of your videos for the first time and I just wanted to say that I really appreciate the advice/information you have on here! I have a mainland Chinese girlfriend that has lived in America the past two years. Luckily, I lived in Japan for two years long ago but the insights you guys are able to help me understand are fantastic. You guys are distilling some of these cross-cultural American/Chinese traits like fine wine. I am trying to study a lot lately about China but.... thanks so much for putting the information out there in a way that is finally helping me understand. :) Best ~ Chris

[@YSAWXYW]

I'm Chinese, born and grown up in China. And what they say about Chinese marriage aren't so true, it's so out of date, like something would happen before 1920s. I don't feel most people's marriage would be a total set up or arrangement. Usually in most cases it's like someone (like your family, friends, relatives, coworkers,etc.) will introduce you single girl/guy from the people they know, let the two meet then date to see how it goes. And people can reject or break up with the person,sometimes it may make the matchmaker a little bit mad, but you absolutely can do this. People can meet the girl/guy naturally without these introduction too, my grandparents met each other by themselves and then got married without a problem. Yes, Many Chinese do consider the social class thing and check the whole package of the candidate to see whether they match, but not only Chinese would do this. But the red veil thing they say, I mostly see this in TV dramas about ancient times, or people who want a vintage style wedding nowadays. I'm sure 99.9% people already knew their bride/groom before wedding. And giving the groom a hard time when he comes to the bride's home to pick her up, because her family and friends want him to cherish and love her, sometimes people won't care for something they can get easily, that's the reason. And in the wedding bowing to the gods/Heaven/ancestors is showing your respect and thanking for the blessing and wanting to get blessed in the future. Bowing to their parents is to show the appreciating their devotion of giving you life and raising you up before you got your own family and you're suppose to do this to your kids as what they did to you. Bowing to each other is showing your respect to your spouse, and thanking him/her for starting a new life with you, showing your affection to the person in a humble and polite way. And in a common case is that groom pays or he pays more than the bride, but bride still need to pay some in most cases. And in western case, the bride pay for the whole wedding is because women don't work in old days, so after the wedding, the groom makes money for the whole household, he pays everything for her after the wedding. But nowadays in China, mostly everyone has to work unless your spouse is very rich and you don't want to work. Nowadays in America, I have heard or seen many grooms pay a part of the wedding bill too. And their suggestion for white guys who date Asian girls was so wired. It seems the parents don't like because you're not Asian, it's more about the communication and understanding. It they can't speak English or your language, of course they would prefer someone who can talk with them and understand them better. So what you should do is learn more about Chinese/Asian Culture, try to know how they think, what they care, and show them you're a reliable person (good personality, responsible, financially secure,smart, educated etc. don't need to have all of these, but at least have some traits like this), and you will take good care of their daughter, also don't be arrogant, respect them. That will make you get accepted way easier, if you learned some basic Chinese like "thank you, sorry, please,etc.", they will be impressed. If they see you take good care of their daughter, understand the culture and get along well with them, very possible they will marry their daughter to you. You really don't have to waste your few years, you can try to know her family when your relationship gets stable to see how they think then see where this will go. No need to hold that relationship for few years suddenly found that won't become a marriage if you want one. I think this also works for girls dating Asians too.But I'm not sure whether this will work for all interracial relationship. Hope my information is helpful to you guys.

[@agathagrace109]

Oh and I laughed the shit out of me when mike said that dan is 'bleached' LOLS

[@bluestar52281]

Lol my mom tells me not to marry an asian guy and go for the white guy XD

[@bluestar52281]

TheGohthecrow What are you even trying to say...?

[@bluestar52281]

***** same here! She doesn't think much of chinese guys...or asian guys in general bc she thinks that they're too untrustworthy. She's ok with other ABCs or CBCs or etc...just not from mainland lol

[@bluestar52281]

***** I agree. My mom thinks that they're too...manipulative? No that's not right...just less classy, less respectful, bratty almost. You know what I mean?

[@bluestar52281]

TheGohthecrow Haha good try but that's not it. While that may be true for mainland/native born Chinese, it doesn't really apply to foreign born Chinese like myself. Our parents generally are more open minded save for some. There are always exceptions. No, the main reason my mom doesn't want me to get with some guy from mainland china is because she doesn't think they're very trustworthy in her experience...so yeah. It really has nothing to do with money. Furthermore, I really don't need a man for financial stability. :3

[@ProdigalExplorer]

bluestar52281 Seems to me like your mother is the manipulative one.

[@TheMonkeysquirl]

Love is actually a new thing to Western weddings. They also marry for financial reasons as well.

[@cher128bx]

My Big Fat Greek Wedding. You guys should seriously consider making a movie called, My Big Autocratic Asian Wedding. With your penetrating wit and humor, I would imagine that it would be REALLY funny!

[@HazelBrownEyes0]

Dan's laughter and facial expressions are epic! xD

[@worldtravel101]

I'm diggin' this double Chen format! Keep it commin'.

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

:-)

[@Zihvorion]

This video reminded me of the first Asian I dated. He and his family were Japanese. We grew up knowing each other from middle school through high school. Our first year of college he asked me out. I remember the first day we were going to meet his parents. He was a nervous wreck. And I remember we had to go shopping for a gift that he said I must give to his parents for meeting them for the first time. I never felt like more of an outsider than being over at his house. They knew how to speak English. But as soon as they found out I'm dating him, that ceased. Only Japanese was spoken. They actually gave me text books and homework so I could learn Japanese. Plus only Japanese media/movies to watch and often pop quizzes to ensure I remembered what I was taught. His mother knew we were serious and she was kinder... (still only spoke Japanese) but she taught me how to cook traditional Japanese meals from scratch to cook for the family and I never knew I was making tea the "wrong way" all my life. As my Japanese got better I remember the family talking and saying "I'm still not Japanese" and it hurt. Two years later, it didn't last but it was a memorable relationship. Because of him and his family I have a better appreciation for the Japanese culture and I got away with some of the language and great recipes ;)

[@chenda2067]

love you guys... I can not stop watching you guys great vibes keep more videos coming. thank you guys!

[@mylittleponyrulz]

Girl Meets World is actually pretty good. I had the same reaction as Dan when I first heard about it, but after giving it a chance I actually really enjoy it.

[@LaCerulean]

What you described is very similar to many cultures. I had a really mixed many traditional. ...cash, tea ceremony, monk blessing our house, passing gates, eat cake like western traditional. And I wanted them to fit in one day!!!

[@KimTaeMinhOnew]

I really do love your videos, keep it up guys ! I live in Morocco and the traditional weddings here are similar to the chinese ones, the groom paying everything (which is a lot since the ceremony lasts more than 3days) and the gifts given to the couple and to the bride by the groom's family are pretty much the same ( gold, money, cuisine ustensils, Hanna, Milk, Sugar..) and the partner is most of the time shoosen by the family..etc

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

thanks!!!

[@kiwifruitkl]

I think my parents went through a very untraditional route. My mom published an ad in the newspaper, looking for a husband. Some men showed up, but my mom picked my dad after a discussion with her parents. My grandparents probably liked my dad, because of his high education and profession. My parents ditched the wedding ceremony, because they thought it was too expensive. Instead, they had a banquet. My mom's family paid for the new furniture. The dating process was certainly different, by Western standards. In a Western marriage, it's about the bride and the groom. The parents generally have no say about the marriage partners. My parents, on the other hand, literally took my grandparents' opinions into consideration.

[@rachelnstephens]

My husband parents are from Taiwan. We had a Western wedding, in the US, minus any of the fun preparties and showers :( As an interracial couple, I was extremely offended that while my husband and I paid for 2/3 of the wedding ourselves (we told his parents they'd need to chip in if they wanted to invite 60 coworkers that we'd never met.) His parents kept ALL of our wedding cards. We didn't register for anything. It really hurt my feelings that after we got back from our honeymoon, his parents handed us a stack of cards with our names on them, already ripped open, and asked "do you want these or can we throw these away?" The fact the cards were addressed to us and opened felt like a huge slap in the face that his parents would do something so crass and offensive to Western sensibilities for a couple thousand bucks.

[@damiensalstar]

I am white wife vietnamese we did both ceremony we had a Buddhist wedding and western dinner party

[@chillchillpill]

Sigh... if they don't like you, then it's odds on that it won't work. I was married to a lovely Japanese woman, but her parents were against our marriage from the start: right from being cold to everyone on our wedding day, then constantly criticising and finding excuses to interfere all the time. My ex' was emotionally worn down and eventually broke it off. Of course it depends on the person you're with, but remember that rebelling against your parents isn't really done in cultures where filial piety is important. Sigh... win them over before the big day, but be true to yourself too.

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

chillchillpill sorry to hear that...

[@chillchillpill]

Yeah - the lesson in that was not confusing who she was with who she represented, you know? Having a partner for the sake of it is always a mistake...

[@StrayKids_et_al]

This just showed me the difference between British and American traditions, over here we have no bridal shower and the wedding tends to be paid for not by the brides family but by the couple themselves. I have never heard of any British family saving up for their daughter's future wedding unless she was already engaged and they had agreed to help with the costs. Over here weddings tend to be a lot less materialistic than in America and although a lot of it is about the spectacle we're a lot more traditional and we don't tend to pay as much.

[@romanobritish]

If your born here you can have any type of wedding you want. I lived in Midway City for six years next to the Asian market on Beach Blvd. I walked in and lots of friendly people I am 6' 3" and I got a lot asking me to get an item for them from the top shelf seen them climb the shelf's which I tripped out on great food to buy.

[@aleksandrakieler295]

We also do the "nao dong fang" in Poland and when it comes to wedding payments - we split it between two parties or bride and groom have to pay themselves! ;)

[@Shetasen]

I'm going to have a hybrid wedding. Likely I will forgo the wedding registry, because its a lot less stressful from what I seen. Those home warming gifts can be given when we actually get a house. I would like to have my party with my friends.

[@yuvalmilman4282]

mikes face when the time ran out (17:46) :DDD

[@RavynSkye617]

I'm white and my husband paid for our wedding with a small bit of help from my grandma. She pitched in like a thousand dollars. He paid everything else.

[@Harry-zl9ze]

Ravyn Skye is your husband Asian?

[@Cyraxsify]

Ravyn Skye Good luck getting an American guy to do that: not happening. Lol.

[@RavynSkye617]

Harry Han - He is Chinese and Vietnamese.

[@RavynSkye617]

Cyraxsify - Um, you DO realize that just because someone is Asian does not mean they are not American, right? My husband most certainly WAS born in North America. He is Canadian. Ethnicity and nationality are two different things and 'American' is not an ethnic background... There are many, MANY Americans who are Asian.

[@Harry-zl9ze]

Being Asian we are accostomed to guys paying for weddings. It is expected that we pay for weddings

[@DiveMaiden1]

I don't know if you'll see this, since I'm commenting 2+ years later than it's posting date. But in western style weddings, it's becoming less traditional. The need for the engagement ring is dependent on the couple. Some brides (like myself) don't need or want one. Some bridezillas will demand one. The bridal shower will sometimes be a Jack & Jill, which will include the groom and the groom's friends and family as well as the bride and her friends and family. Paying for the wedding has also changed. It used to be the bride's parents who paid for the wedding. That was when she was going straight from living with her parents to living with her husband. Nowadays, with weddings happening later in life when both the bride and groom are both already living on their own and established in their careers, It's actually the bride and groom paying for their own wedding.

[@pokemongiggles4913]

i don't know about you guys but i live in Canada and im Chinese/Cantonese. i guess my parents adapted to Canadian lifestyle and accepted the fact that i might marry a non-Asian woman. i guess that the openness of Canada really help my parents see pass just staying traditional and marrying a Asian woman.

[@angelaharp63]

Lol... I'm still watching Boys over flowers. Even though Asian dramas can be predictable, I just feel obligated to watch it all the way through because of a character I really appreciate.

[@angelsunny8]

I remember my cousin's wedding being a mixed between the traditional and the western style way - and I remember going to the wedding and looking at relatives that I don't even know who they are... I seem to think, when it is time in the far future for my brother and I to get married, the invitation list is going to my parents to see who is getting invited from the family (even though eloping looks less painful)

[@dot4218]

Oh.my.gosh. I laughed so hard when Dan said ' you will lose face!' . Will Americans understand that??! Hahahah>_< omg

[@melissah7036]

Thanks you guys!!! This is a topic that I wanted to hear you discuss! Keep up the great work :D

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

:-)

[@asifahussain6959]

Very interesting video. Chinese wedding seems very very similar to South Asian (Indian) weddings including getting past the bridesmaids to see the bride.

[@ErikaMayX]

As a white female, I know that it is possible to get an asian family to accept you if you are not asian. It's not easy and it takes a lot of work but it is possible. I witnessed a Vietnamese wedding, I saw the planning stages and the actual wedding, the Catholic church wedding, the Vietnamese ceremony and after party. From what I could tell, it was very much about pleasing the parents, not the bride and groom. I don't know what is considered traditional in Vietnam but it looked like there were some elements of western and eastern combined. Either way, the bride and groom, did not have much say in what happened such as color selection, design, music, etc. It was all pretty much planned out by the brides family. Also I want to mention that nowadays in the western world, we no longer have wedding savings (for the most part). That is something from the old days. We are at an economic period where we can no longer save for our children's college funds, let alone a wedding fund.

[@Trish0978]

The confronting the bridesmaids thing reminds me of the Indian tradition of the bride's family/side hiding the grooms shoes and he has to bribe them or go looking for them in order to get them back ^^

[@13naira]

Awesome video! You guys are sooo funny! I'm Mexican American, and I'm really fascinated with the Asian cultures:) A quick note, I couldn't find the link to the double Chen channel in the description box but, that didn't stop me from searching for you guys. Keep them coming!

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

Thanks so much :-)

[@Christofion]

Your channel made me like my awesome country better and have more knowledge on it. Thanks you guys and your awesome crew!

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

thanks for the kind words Christopher!

[@1979hellcat]

I normally don't watch Podcasts but I'll check it out after work later today :) Btw - happy early Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it) 🦃

[@henryliang9828]

I asked my grandmother and she told me that she saw my grandfather in the street and said your really pretty lets get marry and they got married

[@MeiWang]

growing up in europe, I don't know much about the chinese wedding traditions. It would be great if there were a mix of both. With the best of each one.

[@AracneMusic]

I'm a spanish girl dating a chinese boy born in Spain. I'm dealing with some problems because his mother doesn't want him to date spanish girls (I mean, she even told him to not be friend with spanish people, which, for me, sounds stupid if he was born and raised here). I can speak chinese, so I tried speaking chinese with her (she doesn't know I'm dating her son), but things didn't go better. Any advices to deal with mothers as a girl dating a chinese boy? What things can make her see me with less hate?

[@jia2001]

Show toleranse, be patient, talk to your Boyfriend, try also to study and understand Chinese tradiotional culture

[@key3134]

As a Chinese，I think most of Chinese parents are tradtional，they wanna control their kids and give them better li fe. The relationship of wife and mother-in-law always is a hot，popular issue in China，not only for you，even if they said that because you are a spanish，it just a pretext，so do your best，you will get marry with ur husband rather than his mother.

[@angelawlz]

You guys should make a video where Dan goes to a coffee shop to order some coffee!

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

angelawlz that might take too long

[@58420Ally]

Can't believe i have watched the whole video... but it was fun to watch..love u so much Dan

[@NTDOffTheGreatWall]

love you too!

[@CupidsGrimReapR]

I love the Double Chen show, i will DEFINITELY be subscribing :) My mom and dad met on a train i think, my mom was in University in China at the time. So at her University, no boys were allowed into the girls building at ALL, so there would be guys standing at the bottom and calling out room numbers, then the girls would come out to see them and just yeah. My mom told me about my dad doing that and then they would go hang out and it's just really cute and cheesy and overly romantic ok ok xD that was my little anecdote about my parents.

[@carlamaciel2010]

its funny, the part of the bride ...you guys almost merry with a walker lamp!!

[@mirroredhour]

This always comes to mind, because it amuses me so much, but one time I ended up discussing marriage with my mother and sister. My mother said something along the lines of my sister and I being able to marry whoever we wanted, but basically ended up contradicting that by listing a couple of races. I think she even listed a bunch of different Asian ethnicities at one part, but nonetheless--and I don't know if this still holds true, what she really meant after it all was that she allows us to marry _anyone_ we want *as long as they're the same Asian ethnicity and not closely related*.

[@shubchev6525]

What? In the west it is expected for the girl's family to pay for the wedding. I did not expect that.

[@amp5035]

I think Indian wedding's ( India is also a Asian country BTW ) are kind of a mixture. 1. A lot of the people from my parents generation had arranged marriage. the parents meet each other and see the daughter/son then the 2 who "might" get married meet. They get to talk and get to know each other. 2. this is not always done but usually parents ask their children if they accept the marriage. 3. Once that is done the engagement ceremony happens ( yes a proper ceremony with the whole family and usually no surprises) 3. Then the marriage happens ( it includes lots of ceremonies which are long and tiering) 4. Then the reception happens. 5. After going to the tiering process of all the ceremonies, lasting over a month (yup A MONTH) the bride and groom can get to actually know each other. The new generation on the other hand usually goes for love marriages, get their parents approval ( maybe even a surprise engagement ) and the follow the above procedure.

[@Harry-zl9ze]

one tradition in Korea is that the Groom lies down and gets his feet tied up and the brothers in law would hit his feet until the bride does something. I forget what the bride had to do lol

[@stephaniepelser5582]

Re the mixed race thing: I think sometimes, people are getting too worried about it, especially if the Asian parents have already lived outside China/Asia for a while. I'm lesbian and am have been with a girl from HK for the last 2 years. Maybe it's a different situation because that's already waaaay outside the social norm, but her parents are pretty traditional and of course, they would prefer their daughter to be with a 'good' HK banker dude. However, they have never made me (or her) feel that - they have accepted me as the person I am and made me a part of the family. I was never made feel unwelcome, they have been lovely throughout (even though her mother speaks barely any English). Marriage is not really on the cards for us, but I've been accepted as a family member, kind of on the level of a very close cousin, very easily, get to invited to holidays, family weddings and even get red pocket money (weird!). Just like other people, Asian parents are ultimately, human, too.