Obsessive Love and Limerence Ruin Real Hope of Love (4-Video Compilation)

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

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[@tracy3812]

Anna, “bullshit” is a great word. Sometimes it’s the only word that works.

[@fiction589]

My mom is limerent on an inappropriate guy. He is the neighbor and friend of my younger brother, has a girlfriend and a drug habit and he is not into my mom. But they spend time together and he entertains her limerence via texting and keeping her at arm's length, enjoying her romantic admiration, I assume. It is painful to watch. Painful to hear her disappointment again and again when he keeps her hanging on. But her hope is endless, like a kid who hopes to be loved back by their parent. Over those 3 years, limerence ate away her happiness and energy big time.

[@tracy3812]

I detest those young guys who prey on women who are older than them! It’s heartbreaking and disrespectful. He sounds like a POS.

[@XtineJohnes]

@@fiction589 that is so sad. Can you direct her to Anna’s videos?

[@sarahkercheval8964]

They may have been meeting to bang and kept it a secret from you. Don’t underestimate the attraction younger men have towards older women. I do not understand it either but it’s a fact.

[@FieryStone]

@@sarahkercheval8964hahaha

[@XtineJohnes]

@@sarahkercheval8964 we don’t understand it because we don’t have the male mind. Think about it - they are often thinking on the Lowest Common Denominator. 1) easy sex - if you look up the Giselle Pelicot trial, you will see that more than 100 men of all ages easily had sex (if you can call it that) with a 70+ year old Grandmother who was passed out, drugged by her no good Husband for a sexual abuse game he was playing. Why did 100+ guys including young guys go for this?? Most likely because it was an opportunity for free and easy sex 2. Sex that most likely 100% will not result in a pregnancy - no responsibility for them 3. Admiration - an older woman might appreciate them just because they are young, whereas a woman their age is most likely calling them a no-good lazy bum. So it’s an easy source of appreciation. It works every time. Men succumb to flattery to the point where they will even cheat on a woman who is a beautiful model with a woman of very, very below average looks - because she thinks he’s great and can do no wrong. Then throw in that an older woman is likely to have money and power that can benefit him. OF COURSE he wants this package.

[@ruthhase-gutierrez9830]

I'm so glad you called that guy out. He needs to face the reality of his destructive behavior and stop NOW. He's harming so many people under the guise of being a "hero"

[@elvan5922]

He is a John .He drives around late at night for young girls.And he uses his child to do this .He tells lies to himself saying he is helping them .

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I get my emotional energy from my hobby of model car building.. Nothing like a successful model build and no mixed signals!!

[@RickyMarlo]

I thought about sending a letter, but I feel like it would be too heavy. Just happy to have found this channel. About to start watching 😊 Your limerence videos have helped me quite a bit.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We're so glad the channel has been helpful! You're always welcome to write in if you change your mind :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@XtineJohnes]

She got used. Men pay big bucks for an "online companion" and this guy got hours and hours of video calls, texting and phone calls for free. She just didn't realize the mentality. His investment into the online healing group was payed back in spades, for all the $ he didn't have to spend on an online companion. Also, people from overseas - I should know about this one since my mom is from overseas. They don't attach onto people over here as strongly as they are attached in their country of origin. So they can shuffle people in and out of various situations and be really manipulative without caring much at all. She's lucky she held her boundaries and didn't move to be with him, it most likely would have ended badly.

[@somer0703]

This is so true! Men get SO MUCH out of a woman's energy! Most of us don't realise

[@XtineJohnes]

@ we make them look good just by being around them, much less giving them our time and energy.

[@somer0703]

@@XtineJohnes totally agree!

[@XtineJohnes]

@Whitechocolate-c4s hi, I think we’ve all been there at some point - giving away good energy to a man we recognize as Repulsive later on 🤮. It’s some glitch in the psyche, and it’s not our fault. Don’t feel bad, just don’t repeat the mistake. That’s what I can’t understand is that these men really don’t get it - if they don’t take the good spousal material they have access to in early years, they’re definitely not getting access to anything like that later on - even if they have money! Money can only buy so much. There are only a few men in the world who can buy their way into access to women comparable to what they had access to in the start of their dating career. To get good spousal material that actually cares about you….they’ll never get that again, most of them. 99.9% of them will Never get anyone who is on the same level as that girl they wouldn’t commit to. Or the girl they left, erroneously believing that “they would find someone better”. I think the media and our culture tricked people, men in particular, into believing that they could date at the same level throughout the entirety of their lives, when men in particular have a very narrow window in which they could potentially find the best partners they are eligible for, and that window is high school and college, maybe up to their early 30s if they are VERY lucky. Whereas women’s window is much, much longer. Men’s health and looks take a drastic downturn much sharper than women’s, and the amount of men that can pull off being a “character” that can transcend this is small. But they’re being told the opposite is true! Somebody needs to tell them - they better get while the getting is good. Then they’re like “there is a Men’s loneliness crisis, Waaahhhhh!” Well maybe it’s because they believed lies and red pill pickup artists who were out to make money off of them, and now nobody wants them except mail order brides and camgirls. (Who require money).

[@JcJc-x4w]

56:59 "my dude" Oh man, i love how Anna talks 😂

[@smartypants6198]

Anna gives honest, practical, real world life. Esp limerence in personal development

[@HolyGround777]

Totally!

[@YusufPeeally]

I ve been through this,it s very exhausting especially with an avoidant dismissive/ fearful.

[@MrLetmein2011]

I totally agree it’s emotionally draining and grinds us down gradually.

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

it's hard with friends too - not just lovers. all relationships

[@suziegriffith]

Mitchell, you’ve got this. You’ve turned to an experienced guide and received spectacular and clear advice. One foot in front of the other! Good luck and God bless you!

[@naturalist369]

Wow, I went for a dismissive avoidant also. Like my narcissistic mother, the subconscious pattern repeated unbeknownst to me at the time, unfortunately. These people are energy vampires no doubt ! It is because of our history of emotional neglect that we repeat this self-destructive pattern. I've learned all about limerance from you Anna and it's a horrible type of hope that's actually more like hopelessness. Identify what it really is and how harmful - reality check ! Raise the bar of expectation is correct ! Thanks Anna ❤🙏🏼😇 As far as 'Carter' goes, why is he always looking to have relationships with other women? These are not healthy friendships. I would like to say to him, how would you like your wife to be doing this; also if she said she hated being a mom? Work on yourself for you and your own family's sake. Same for 'Mitchell", even moreso as it is definitely an emergency ! If you need to be needed , your family really needs you right now ! Bless you all 💞🌟🙏🏼😇🎶🕊💫 Well done Anna !

[@mjj7781]

I think the last guy could be a predator who is looking for vulnerable young girls on purpose. I think he ”sugarcoats” this as limerance. It's terrible to listen to his letter, he’s danger to everyone close in his life.

[@YusufPeeally]

Yes we cannot be friends with a person who didn't into us especially with an avoidant.

[@asan1050]

Thank you! Anna Have a great day!

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Sasha needs 2 things.. 1)a 12 step program.. 2) a hobby..

[@FieryStone]

Never be a partner psychologist

[@jimbowen423]

Great video. Just totally clicked with a situation I have been utterly despairing over for past 4 months. Dismissive avoidant talking big from a distance...

[@sarahkercheval8964]

Social media lies to men and tells them all they need is to find a girl who is attractive to them and they’ll love them forever. It’s a myth and so superficial that of course it won’t work. A pretty face won’t keep a man faithful, but someone who has a great personality and a big heart who matches them mentally will always latch into their heart. ❤️ They’ll never want to leave her and if he does for some reason he will never forget her. Men need to know how to wait it out and make personality top priority and not looks. Porn makes this problem even harder. 😢

[@Mother8323]

All of these were amazing. I resonated with the first so much as I'm currently trying to break free from my online guy. This is so hard.

[@melindastevens1643]

Thank you, Anna. This was helpful and I noticed some of these behaviours in myself - it has given me clarity about a few things. Thanks for sharing this story and your advice.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

Unpopular opinion here: I think limerence can sometimes be useful if we're aware that's what it is (not kidding ourselves.) The limerent pseudo-relationship I'm involved in (in my head) encourages me to want to be a better version of myself. It's like I'm pretending as if I'm in the relationship so that by the time the right person does come (if they ever do) I'll be doing the things required of me for a healthy relationship. I don't know why I can't do certain things for myself. I think I see more potential in other people than I do in myself. I've actually chosen to stay out of AA for now because it was the REAL people and relationships that put me in danger and distract me from taking care of myself. In the limerent scenario the only person I can take care of is myself. I think limerence is safer for me at this point in time than getting involved in a copedendent abusive relationship and I don't seem to have strong enough boundaries. That's what I need to work on while I'm not in a relationship.

[@sarahkercheval8964]

In the old days when they had mostly arranged marriages, being in love with someone who you could never be with was semi normal 😂 so maybe you’re right and it’s healthier than toxic real life relationships ❤❤❤ hang in there. Everything gets better in time.

[@elvan5922]

I understand you .I have been there .Only thing really messed up with you was talking about my crash to others .People could be so cruel manipulative and hurtful ah also jealous.When I look Back what messed up with me was telling others how I was in love with that person .I was so innocent and trusting .

[@noname-xd6vh]

I don’t think it’s unpopular, Anna was mentioning many times that limerence is our (shitty) regulating mechanisms. The problem is it helps at first and completely ruin us later. Btw I used the same approach as you (now I am in good healthy relationship), can agree that it helped me to grow as a person. Unfortunately it comes with a great price later. Also it doesn’t allow us to be completely true to ourselves and focus on things which are truly for us, not for our LO. So, despite I had some positive experience in my limerence, I know for sure it would be better if I knew what I had and tried to regulate my life in healthy way.

[@elvan5922]

@@noname-xd6vh well said .But how can we know if we don't have the life experience .And the right people to talk to... Yes , it messes you up if we can't regulate .

[@afrahmhmd94]

I don't know how to get out of my head I'm really lost and feel this big hatred toward myself

[@dollarsmum3453]

Please, be gentle towards yourself! Have the compassion for yourself that you'd offer a friend. Your best friend!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy

[@HolyGround777]

Such a great video 😊

[@nostrap1]

Mitchell could have other underlying issues that weren't even considered. I mean he couldn't write a novel but the discernment with me is wondering why he felt so badly to rescue these women. What has he seen growing up? What types of friends he's got? And a host of so many more questions.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Carter needs to find a Male Swim Instructor...

[@barbarawhiteside9562]

This is awesome 👌

[@tarothijadevenus4017]

Yeah! Tough love 😅

[@YusufPeeally]

Hi Anna❤

[@nostrap1]

But what if this guys parents/ upbringing has an influence on the choices he's made thinking he's saving these other girls lives?

[@annstubbs2256]

Really had no patience for this one he needs to man up what a weak individual awful

[@gregoryritchie7852]

@annstubbs 22756 A thought - push-pull Borderline personality disorder people can love you one moment and push you away the next. Why? It's a learned behavior (partly genetic) from childhood that remains in dealing with parents who were both loving one moment and frightening the next. As adult, shows up then disappears. I want love, but afraid of intimacy. Ambivalent.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Hobbies bring me more peace than a relationship...

[@VoytenTechnologies]

1:06:45 why doesn’t he save someone his own age?

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Or.. If Carter is good enough to swim without instruction.. ditch the swimming lessons and swim on your own.. so to speak..

[@HolyGround777]

Well said

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

Can we take a moment or an episode to acknowledge for those of us who are NOT into anti social media, who saw this as tsunami that it is, and finding a HUMAN today vs the crap of today "online".......I had no problem meeting and dating guys before 2013ish...the "phones" (Internet addictions) became a thing - no brainer, to me. I'm really affected by being on an island amidst those who are 'partying' virtually and I cannot take that. Trauma trigger pretty serious

[@XtineJohnes]

@@Jennifer-gr7hn I agree. Men in particular are vulnerable to “dating apps”. They seem mesmerized by a machine that randomly serves up potential dates, whether it’s an app, a nightclub etc. Like the Pidgeons in Dr. Skinner’s famous experiment, when food would randomly appear when the Pidgeons pecked a lever. Eventually they were pecking the lever nonstop even though almost no food was coming out. All societal guard rails and guidance have been removed and there is nobody to tell them “this is your wife” any more so they just keep going and going till their options are extremely limited if not non existent.

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

​@XtineJohnes I'm not going to forget your pigeon analogy. That's a good one!

[@XtineJohnes]

@@publicserviceannouncement4777 :D

[@mariac5942]

1:16:37

[@secondchancehomestead]

The limerant dude… sounds like a narcissist. I am not a professional but I hear blaming, cheating, irresponsibility and other behaviors that sound like a narcissist… 58:41 🤮

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Limerance.. Is why I no longer fall in love with women... not worth the heartbreaks...

[@snoozyq9576]

If you work on your issues with a professional then you'll be in a better position to fall in love with the right people

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Too many mixed signals.. Why I avoid relationships..

[@snoozyq9576]

Just go out with someone mature. That's like avoiding all food because you don't like spaghetti. Just don't eat that then

[@DrPatil.]

❤❤❤