OCD, Alexithymia, Self-Gaslighting & Autistic Burnout | Late-Diagnosed Autism

Hi! In this video, I talk about my experience with OCD, alexithymia and self-gaslighting as a late-diagnosed autistic person. Please like this video, leave a comment and subscribe if you'd like to follow me on this journey :)
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[@paunesjourney]

I talk about what I call 'emotional impermanence' in this video, but after doing some research I realised I wasn't using the correct term, as 'emotional impermanence' means a different thing. For lack of a more accurate word, let's call it part of 'alexithymia' instead. I also mention 'pure O' in this video in relation to OCD, which isn't an officially recognised medical term, so please ignore it. You can find more information about OCD here: ocduk.org

[@donnellallan]

Hello, Paune. That was so interesting to me to hear what you had to say about the balloons and umbrellas. I felt anxiety rise up in me as you spoke. I think that i feel the same way. When my son was two years old, he let go of his balloon and it floated away, getting smaller and smaller. He was heartbroken and i have remembered that moment for over forty years as a tragedy in his life. You have helped me to see that it may have been a seeming tragedy for me, more than it was for him. Thank you for helping me once again. And thanks for the tip about thr crackling candles! I have added one to my wish list to try. 💜

[@ThePsychoticUnicorn]

I understand how you feel about emotions, I can feel like an emotion will last forever. When I feel them that is, which probably isn't as often as I should. I tend to find my issues lie in remembering how I felt in the past. One example, I had a meltdown in work a few years ago but when I look back on it, it doesn't seem/feel like it was that bad. I mean it was enough that I sought help even in that state and got put on the sick from work for 3 weeks and got my second diagnosis of depression and first anxiety diagnosis. But when I recently spoke to my friend about it (who was there), he said he knew something was wrong because he and a few other people (including my bosses) heard me shouting at the top of my lungs and when he actually got to me he said I was sitting on a bench rubbing my hands on my legs while shaking and rocking as well as saying "I can't do this" over and over. I was floored when he told me this as I really had no idea, even now I know that happened I still can't really remember the feeling even though I remembered the event. This was all prior to me even suspecting asd or adhd too.

[@monikagermany17]

Thankyou for sharing your thoughts❤. I resonate a lot, especially to make yourself understood. Always thought I am too stupid to explain myself correctly. It led to so much self-hatred and suicidal thoughts. Since I found out that me being autistic I try to be gentle with myself. And yes mindfullness is so helpfull and patience( haha, thats not what my ADHD wants😊) writing down recurring thoughts without paying attention to grammar and NOT reading it afterwords(tear the paper😅) sometimes helps. Or describing something I am doing(f.o. wash dishes)out loud or singing. It's like overwriting my thoughts and trick my brain. ❤

[@launacasey6513]

I resonate and understand a lot of what you're talking about.

[@radishraven9]

Hi, i don't have ocd and intrusive thoughts come seldom. But i do relate to alexithymia with confusing hunger with anxiety.

[@MonaM204]

Interesting. I often don't know how to communicate what is going on inside. I may also have intrusive thoughts based on how you described them.