OCD, ERP, and stumbling into Acceptance

You don't have to answer the questions your brain throws at you. It'll stop asking them, if you stop reacting to them.
This is a repost of an old video that had some audio issues but I thought it was an important reminder, so it returns, *DIGITALLY REMASTERED*. If you want to practice learning not to answer the questions your brain throws at you, get in-touch through my website for more info on peer support coaching: www.markfreeman.ca
Instagram: / markwfreeman
Twitter: / thepathtochange
Twitch: / markwfreeman

[@doltonkenway1056]

hey mark your videos have helped me tremendously i used to have harm ocd pure o violent intrusive thoughts and anxiety i did erp therapy and now im back to normal!!!!!!!!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

dolton kenway That's great you put in the hard work to tackle these challenges!

[@doltonkenway1056]

yes thanks man!!!

[@fabiolasoto753]

Dolton kenway did u take any medication i want to overcome w out meds

[@waqasullah5125]

@@fabiolasoto753 Meds only helps with the anxiety by decreasing it so you see your thoughts more clearly. You don't need any medication with something like thoughts and anxiety... Nothing can stop the thoughts, and the thoughts aren't the problem.. it's the unhealthy unhelpful reaction that causes the problem. So no matter many Meds you take if u keep on engaging in unhealthy behaviour i.e Compulsion.. you aren't getting better...

[@usha6844]

How to get rid plz explain

[@chadgarber]

"You can never be sure" is KEY! Embracing the uncertainty of not answering the question helps!

[@rhondapelletier2141]

Love that ! I also say..........ya never know or Life is Uncertain, ( mental image of Forest Gump w/ box of Chocolates) ..........lol........mine is general Anxiety , not a lot of OCD...........

[@kathashway]

Yes! This is brilliant. People with anxiety disorders need to hear this stuff. It takes so much power away from mental illness when we don't engage in it.

[@ElectricWarior]

Stopping myself from answering the questions my mind throw at me made me 80% better.

[@makaniistorm8664]

That’s what I’m trying to do now. Didn’t know it was such a problem

[@TheTerminator317]

Accepting intrusive thoughts and not attaching any meaning is the key. Even though I realize this I have been unable to practice this for past few days. My obsessions change pretty quickly too. Anxiety has gone through the roof. I am definitely trying. All I can do now is laugh like crazy..😂

[@everybodyhasabrain]

keep laughing at them!

[@xxttakret9045]

Yea I wish I knew this earlier but this does work, just give it time and keep going on with your day no matter how horrible you feel.

[@Owais671]

How are you feeling now

[@xxttakret9045]

@@Owais671 these days i feel good. I used to have bad anxiety and it peaked at panic attacks and obsessive thoughts but now its pretty much all gone

[@Owais671]

@@xxttakret9045 can I get your WhatsApp no?

[@Owais671]

Mean you R living now healthy life...

[@xxttakret9045]

@@Owais671 yes I would say I'm living a healthy life sorry I dont have a Whatsap

[@togireall]

thankyou for this incredible video! found it through an online thread and your channel is extremely useful

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@togireall Thanks. I'm glad you found it!

[@simplynolifer]

I'm coming back to this video a week after trying ERP and I want to thank you so much for these videos. I truly feel that it's working and I can say that acceptance and facing your fears are one of the best things you can do. Last night I faced my trigger of my anxiety (loud rain and storm) and I just let the anxiety be there. The next day I felt so proud because I didn't even have a panic attack because I just accepted the anxiety. I cut out so many compulsions and I just continue living life and doing the things that I love despite of the anxiety. It's truly effective and I feel like I'm myself again.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That's great. Keep on taking steps forward and doing what you love! If anxiety is there, that's fine, you know how to handle it now :)

[@anonanon7553]

This is what I think of a mental checking instead of a physical act of checking things. Mental checking gives you that same hit of reassurance. The more we ask ourselves a question and have an answer to the question the more we attempt to reassure ourselves that we have control over the situation. The same happens with rumination. The more we ruminate on a thought, the more true we think it becomes. The more true we think it becomes the more we think we have control. For example I ruminate on the same words "I hate myself". The more I reassure that I hate myself, the more I believe or control that narrative. Believing this narrative protects me from the uncertainty of others hating me, becuase I already hate myself i.e. I already expected it and eliminated that uncertainty of possibly getting hurt by others.

[@cosovic14]

Great insight Mark thank you. I can relate a lot to the points you made in this video as most of the compulsions I do are mental. Over time my therapist helped me realize that the content is literally irrelevant, its all the same - whether you give in or not to solve , reassure, analyze or figure out is the important factor. Overtime I've gotten better at completely accepting the thoughts, saying "yes its true , I accept it" . My therapist calls this taking ocds biggest punch in the first round.

[@zoeworrall9456]

This is such great advice I always wondered why reassuring myself never worked and only made me more anxious

[@alr.3137]

Indeed, I'm two months into ERP now and i've done a lot of progress - the problem with all OCD, and especially Pure-O, that one entangles oneself so deeply in thoughts that are scary/contradictory/etc. by doing compulsions. After years of doing so, it feels almost like betrayal to let your compulsions go. With me at least there is also this underlying frame that "maybe I've deserved OCD" because I'm a bad person somehow

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Sounds like a great time to betray those compulsions!

[@GavDuggan1983]

Hi Mark. Just wanted to say what an inspiration you are and to thank you for your videos which are just fantastic. I suffer from OCD and your videos are a great support.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks! I'm glad you've found them useful!

[@shawncoward3208]

Incredible video! Personally I struggle with health anxiety and have been doing a good job with cutting out compulsions (doctors appointments, checking heart rate, checking blood pressure, scanning my body, etc) but still find I ruminate about my health for hours on end. I’m still finding my anxiety levels are at an unmanageable level so I’m going to work on acceptance instead of fueling my thoughts. Thanks for the video!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Enjoy exploring acceptance!

[@anshulkundu5028]

You are a Great person Mark! Stay Blessed!

[@peacefulpisces5336]

At the moment this is my favorite video of yours.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It is a valuable lesson!

[@stuartcarden5402]

Thank you Mark. reassurance has been a big part of my life this last week. I've got over s lot but it flared up due too a lot of recent stress. This is just the video I needed to see. Oh and btw, me and my (former counsellor) are both big fans of yours and I've sent her this video too.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks for sharing the videos, Stuart. I hope this week has been easier to handle!

[@1Kilili]

There's a line in "Moonwalking with Einstein" (a book about memory expansion). A Master of Memory had developed the inability of forgetting because his work entailed the process of now visualizing everything he heard automatically. He said he accidentally stumbled upon the capacity to forget by just labeling the thoughts he did want to forget as meaningless. The shere realization would help him forget. Maybe that ties in here. :)

[@thewizardofoz44]

Hello Mark, Does this statement point the way forward? Important Reminders! I face difficult psychological challenges, personality traits & feelings: OCD, emotional regulation, depression & shame. I must respect my life and myself for challenging these difficulties and refrain from judgment. INDEED, I have succeeded many times in facing down all these issues. There are “perceived” losses that I interpret as consequential of these conditions: Friendships, relationships, sex, mentorship, comradery, fun, a satisfying vocation, even marriage. However, I must remember people everywhere struggle with many of these issues or conditions, sometimes successfully, sometimes not. I also must REMEMBER that I have experienced much in my life, including very special experiences and moments, including my romantic and precious times with Meg, my romantic, sensual and soulful moments with “Fudzy” that I will never forget. Also, my friendships with Gary, Meg, Noah, Vince, Peter, Elly, Anne-Marie and many more; some lasting, others not so much. I must be grateful for ALL that I have known, experienced and lived. Many people have never known such things. So yes, there is legitimate grief over my missed youth as described briefly above. However, I must remember all that I have experienced regardless of the challenges. I must honor myself and be grateful. Mostly, I MUST refrain from judgment, which is simply another defense. Ruminating over loss, real or perceived, is a form of OCD; it’s the what ifs, the oh no’s, the if only’s of my thinking patterns. In truth, I can’t say with “certainty” what form my life would be if circumstances or my actions were different. Indeed, I must remember not to either play the victim or be judgmental; but again to celebrate all the precious moments in my past and present life, AND the POSSIBILITIES for today and tomorrow! As such, I must embrace life in the now, remembering that constant rumination over obsessions, evolves into a defense against facing the unknown and all the possibilities that exist in the present moment, including the pursuit of education, friendships, love, sexuality, comradery, adventure and in all that my that my eyes have yet to see. Embrace fear, name obsessions as OCD, name ruminations as useless compulsions. Be present! What’s next? If there is sadness and grief, allow it to be, but not as a condition of life, but simply as a momentary experience. Even more, celebrate my victories, celebrate the victories of others as your own (KNOWING THAT THE LIGHT OF COMPASSION FLOWS IN ALL DIRECTIONS!), understand that we ALL live in the same boat TOGETHER. Keep my mind afresh with curiosity in the NOW. I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN MY THOUGHTS TELL ME, AND LIFE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN THE ARTIFICIAL LIMITS THAT RUMINATIVE THINKING SUGGESTS. EMBRACE THAT TRUTH AND LIVE NOW! Remind myself daily of my COMPASSION, INTELLIGENCE, ENGAGING CURIOUSITY, FRIENDSHIPS, TALENTS, and UNKNOWN POSSIBILITIES. BE GRATEFUL, ACTING IN ACCORDANCE WITH MY PASSIONS, VALUES, AND DREAMS!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

If it helps you take action and make changes, that's great!

[@brycek2033]

There is a lot of amazing, helpful content in a way that almost anyone can understand. Thank you!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks, Bryce!

[@MoonAttire]

Nice I don't have OCD so I don't fully understand it. But my wife does, I hope this will help her! Thanks :)

[@kamran8451]

+Astral Flux I find Mark's initial videos were really geared toward OCD, but he's moved toward general anxiety issues and working on mental health in general which is advice I think can be applicable to everyone. Check out some of his stuff for yourself if you have time, and I hope your wife gets the help she needs!

[@meganhambly2922]

This is where I am starting out since the bulk of my compulsions are mental. I am amazed that you said your ERP for 6 months prior was so successful because when I do an ERP and reassure myself I assumed that it wasn't a successful exposure. It's hard to accept thoughts that give you so much anxiety. Just telling myself someday I will get there. ERP is like ripping your soul out sometimes. 😏

[@susieq984]

also I found diffusion to be excellent! I found I would try to stop thinking thoughts after thoughts I made a slight compulsion over that haha. but then I heard about diffusion and it kind of led me to really learning how to accept. Diffusion was kind of like a practice tool to learn how to truly accept, and everything you are saying is completely true. Thanks again for recommending the happiness trap, it was soo helpful.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+Susie Velasquez That's great. Glad you enjoyed the Happiness Trap, too.

[@peacefulpisces5336]

Thank you Mark this weekend has been the hardest for my OCD for this year. So I'm trying to get back on track now. And this is my favorite video of yours so hopefully this helps.

[@metsrus]

The core of all OCD is (FUD) fear, uncertainty, and doubt. Those who want to manage their OCD all eventually have to face their fear, and accept uncertainty and doubt into their lives. Accept that you can't control all things.

[@eve6029]

This helped me A MILLION thank you !!!💫

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You're welcome!

[@NYRfan4ever]

Great stuff. These are some great tips. So true, I definitely find myself doing these things. Thanks for these great videos!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+NYRfan4ever Thanks. You're welcome!

[@chillwinstonuk]

Brilliant video Bro. MAX respect

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks!

[@kamran8451]

Throwback to the green room! I'd say like 80-90% of OCD stuff was the way I was thinking, rather than having observable repetitive actions. Rumination, reassurance, etc...all mental. Cutting that out has been tough and I admit that i'll sometimes still fall into that in different ways, but I am certainly a lot better at identifying this process and stopping it. Including mindfulness and meditation as a regular practice in my life helps me stay proficient at identifying when this process goes down, otherwise i'll slip into old habits and begin to seek certainty again without realizing I'm doing it. Of course, it's totally fine if I slip up, but if I just maintain good new habits, I don't have to spend a few days or weeks getting good at embracing uncertainty again.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+Kamran It reminds me of the 1970s! Learning how to change our relationship with thinking and think in different ways is difficult and it seems impossible at first because we can't think of a different way to think, but it's so useful to learn and be able to see when we're slipping back into our old patterns. Enjoy the new habits!

[@cwlbinch]

Yes, I tried this. Its been seven days now since I reacted to the stuff going on in my head. e.g with a compulsion. Its easier when I am busy but its the quiet times or in between times that are difficult. Its early days for me, so much so at the back of my mind there's this. If it gets too difficult just go back to your compulsion no problem.

[@ggstylz]

As my therapist used to say, "just get on with it!"

[@thewizardofoz44]

Hello Mark, I think one of the difficulties I have is simply accepting that "YES", I may have wasted much of my life by not seriously taking on my OCD when I was younger (that of course presumes it was possible). Another thing to accept is that "YES" I might have missed the best days of my life ( my youth, friendships, mentorship, sexual freedom, love, a gratifying career, a college degree. etc)...and somehow I have not progressed to where life is more suffering than living. I walk around the nearby reservoir next to Boston College, and there are beautiful young men and women ( I lean gay, but also yearn for women), and I am filled with a sense of unimaginable loss..i.e. sex with with young women. I feel as if I am beyond the possibility of recovery; that as I mentioned in an earlier post to you , my personality disorder issues, shame and OCD (questioning, doubting, ruminating, compulsive behavior), that all of it is simply too much to BOTH accept, and then ACT from my values. I feel hopeless, angry and bitter. Would you be willing to again provide some perspective and a roadmap from which I may commence living instead of acting out through compulsions? Would ACT be the right approach?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

One thing that helped me a lot was recognizing that judgments are compulsions. They're attempts to be certain. We fit ourselves and the world into tiny little boxes, stick labels on the boxes, and then react to those labels. It's very natural to experience feelings we don't like because of those judgments. Often, it's not those feelings we need to practice accepting. It's the judgments we need to cut out. Like if somebody was hitting themselves with a hammer, they don't need better pain treatments, they need to stop hitting themselves with the hammer. So getting help with learning how to cut out compulsions, like judging ourselves and others or the past or the present or the future, can be very helpful. ACT could be a great way to get started on that but the most important thing is to get started. All the best as you start taking those steps!

[@420damo]

This spoke to me on so many levels. Thanks

[@1Kilili]

Only yesterday it occurded to me that daydreaming for longer than an hour a day is a form of wishing and therefore maladaptive. Then again I find that it has a good effect on the body and it makes hard times easier. So I'm thinking of replacing those with loving kindness meditation, wishing friends and idols all the best. Up until now I've found those particular ones too corny andhence they feel phony and non-restorative : -I

[@AdonisH]

i'm currently in the midst of dealing with 'new' ocd tendencies (pure o) that i've never had to deal with before. i'm also currently pregnant so the fears/thoughts feel so elevated. it is so difficult to manage.

[@jaimec322]

Could you elaborate? Are you doing better?

[@MAMP]

Love you Mark!

[@thoughtsofaryan9450]

i like how he ended the video by saying do't answer it

[@kozar3802]

one of the most helpful videos

[@jonnyarmstrong9339]

I have HOCD. Appreciate your advice, I don't think I can follow it, but I have learned to take the thoughts less seriously, respond with less anxiety, and I've made progress.

[@chadgarber]

Good stuff.

[@ManojKumar-dz5pf]

Yes it is certainly right that advised by mark.....mark u dont know u given me my life back....i have been in confusion for 20 years about what is wrong in my head but your videos explained me about my anxity and o Pure ocd....i followed yor videos in january 2017 ...now i am out of the ocd trap...i didnt see god but seems he comes through people like u

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I'm glad you've found these tools useful, Manoj! Enjoy the steps ahead!

[@chinitongcaviteno3118]

Ive been watching most of your videos and i experience most of it. Especially knives out. Now i am suffering on keep thinking about zombies and becoming zombie fck😢 this quarantine sucks btw before i experience that i almost spent time watching and seeing zombie clips

[@NailzbyCassy]

I keep watching video after video even though they all say the same about accepting not reacting. I will keep watching these videos over and over to feel better I think this is also a compulsion 😔 can you do a video on this issue I feel I need the reassurance thru all these videos

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That is a compulsion! Maybe I could do a video on that. But I hope people wouldn't watch it too much :D

[@NailzbyCassy]

@@everybodyhasabrain 😅 i will try to just watch it a couple of times 😂

[@TerracottaCiabatta]

Hey Mark. I’ve been told by my therapist to label the experience. Such as it’s doing that thing again where I obsess about something. Or I’m judging so he told me to acknowledge the judgmental thought just happened and I’ve been struggling with how to go from there. I’ve been telling myself Accept the experience just how it happened right now. But I’m really all over the place with my thoughts it just doesn’t feel like acceptance. Also is exposure therapy the same as ERP? My therapist keeps talking about exposure, but he’s specialized in DBT therapy. Thanks Mark for your videos they’ve been extremely helpful! @Markfreeman

[@matthewbannerman5958]

I totally understand that I need to not attempt to answer the questions in my head and just let the thoughts be but, my problem with this is that the things I obsess about actually happen! My obsessions are not about if I don’t wash my hands someone will die, my obsessions are about everyday situations that actually happen, I worry that things are not real or they are copies or everything is fake, the stumbling block I get when I try not to answer these questions is that the problem I’m obsessing about is continuing to happen and that it may not be what it is?... it goes on and on and on.....

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That's the way it is for everybody. That's exactly what I'm talking about doing here. I learned about this technique around the fear of leaving the stove on. Lots of people accidentally leave their stove turned on. I could think of many instances where I'd actually done it. It's an everyday thing that actually happens. There's nothing unique about what you're dealing with. Judging our symptoms as unique is actually a common compulsion that just gets in the way of overcoming them, so that's a useful compulsion to cut out.

[@matthewbannerman5958]

It’s just so hard! Can I please give you some examples? We have central heating in our home but we still have a log burning fire, my problem is this, is the log burning fire as real/genuine as it would have once been because we don’t need it as we have modern heating facilities? I ponder this for days and try not to analyse it but I feel that by not working it out and just letting it be, the problem I.e the fire is still trying to be real when it may not be? Another scenario is this, Nintendo is bringing back the Gameboy but technology has moved on from the late 80s so will the “new” gameboy be a copy/fake? Will it be real? If I don’t answer this question and just let it be, I’m forever in limbo because this item may be palming itself off as real when it may not be? My mind I’d full of problems like this, I can do it about animals being wild or not wild, a forest being man made or natural, which one is more real? A cake made with a spoon or and electric machine which is more real? Or if I make a cake the old fashioned way with a spoon is it a copy as we have new technology so why would I use the old fashioned way? It’s endless. Sorry if I’m coming over as a nuisance but I’ve been plagued with this for over 25 years! I just feel so so anxious all the time. I have tried your technique and it works for a week or two and I feel great but my mind then starts to work in overdrive and it starts all over again. Regards matt

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It might help to not think you've tried this technique yet. What you're describing is full of compulsions and the natural consequences of those compulsions. All of these judgments and comparisons you're making will just naturally lead to the feelings you don't like. It's like jumping in a swamp and getting covered in mud. Of course jumping in the swamp will get you covered in mud. Trying to practice accepting the mud is going to be a constant struggle. It helped me to understand that I need to stop jumping in the swamp. In learning how not to do that, it can help to throw out beliefs that aren't helping us. If I believe I should jump in swamps, but I hate the outcome of that, then it makes sense to throw away the belief that I should jump in swamps. If you believe you should judge these things or you believe things like spoons or electric machines have meanings or you're holding onto beliefs about judgments attached to what's "real" or not, then those beliefs will have very natural outcomes. You might find it useful to check out this video on the Anatomy of a Compulsion kzbin.info/www/bejne/jJbcn3V7e8iFmpY I explain more about beliefs, judgments, and desires there.

[@matthewbannerman5958]

Thanks for you quick response Mark. I think the problem is exactly what you have said in another post, you can always find another reason! I will always find another problem to worry or obsess about. I can literally do it about anything, I worry that an IVF baby is only a “semi real” baby as it wasn’t conceived naturally, I compare it to a tame rabbit being released into the wild, it’s a semi wild rabbit! I worry about someone marrying someone just for money, is it a real marriage? My mare is an engineer and his works continue to use old tools and machinery, is it real as technology has moved on? So is what he is doing is it just a reconstruction of how things were like an act? I just need to see all this as rubbish and let things be and the questions I get when I don’t answer a question is just another obsessions and compulsion a vicious circle!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It's true you can always think of reasons but I would dig a bit deeper here. The fact that you even believe these are reasons is something I would look at. You might also find it useful to look at things you like because you feel they are real or genuine. That'll just fuel this problem.

[@makunpi]

Mark i have a question.If we completely accept our thoughts whatever they might be and whatever stuff our brain throws at us and practice non judgement,cutting compulsions etc, how does this suppose to end the anxiety loop?I mean i had anxiety before the thoughts and compulsions become so many,so if i cut all the compulsions i guess i stay with my anxiety again?If you are an anxious person what do you do?How we recognize the things that we actually need to work deep inside us from the things that have no meaning at all?I was a very happy person and i was leaving according to my values before all the compulsion come,but the anxiety was always there,do i have to accept that i am an anxious person and continue with the things i value,do i have to learn how to manage better the anxiety or do i have to search more why i am such an anxious person and where all this anxiety comes from?Thank you for your time and for answering us,you're helping us too much! :)

[@Ashish-nd3xj]

That's a great question. I suffer from OCD and anxiety both. How are you doing now.

[@americablessgod1273]

WOW, I never thought about NOT answering OCD's questions! My "OCD checking" tells me... "You realize your handwriting looks horrendous, it's awfully ugly, you know that right?" :-( I answer "Yes," :-(... Then it says all upset, "WELL? AND? Aren't you going to do anything about it, like fix it?!" :-(... So when it keeps repeating the same thing for several hours to me, what do I do?

[@StratMatt777]

I'm not a professional and I have no idea what I'm talking about, BUT that stuff sounds like your brain is playing a tape of your critical parent. Maybe get some therapy related to your memories of the critical parent that taught you that nothing you do is good enough? (I have no idea what I'm talking about, other than growing up with a critical parent who taught me that nothing I did was good enough!)

[@ANON0061]

Thanks man.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You're welcome!

[@jessepalombo3144]

I was told by a professional that mental compulsions are only when you do the same thing in your head every time like count to a certain number each time you have the thought because that makes you feel safe in a irrational manner . I believe what your saying is helpful but isn't one of the keys to recovery, attributing the thought to OCD and separating yourself from it?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+Jesse Palombo What you're describing there is a compulsion but I would not say that's the "only" thing that would be defined as a mental compulsion. Before a person gets to the point that a compulsion seems "irrational", they engage in many compulsions that seem much more rational. Waiting until things get irrational is like waiting until somebody has a heart attack to chat with them about eating healthy and exercising. I focus much more on prevention and being proactive. Likewise, labelling something as OCD means you need to wait for OCD before doing something healthy. But if you want to recover from OCD, I wouldn't recommend depending on a step to recovery that requires you to experience OCD first. Again, that's like waiting until you have an illness to do something healthy. If you only do healthy things after experiencing illness, I wouldn't be surprised if that illness stuck around.

[@jessepalombo3144]

+Mark Freeman Ya I agree . I've had OCD in the past ,recovered and its came back years later and I'm currently on the road to recovery again. I guess I'm just looking for a strategy to work because I'm frustrated that I was able to recover from a specific obsession and can't seem to be sure that its just OCD again this time around, I guess OCD doesn't let you be sure of anything. The reason I brought up the point before is because I tried following DR Jeffrey Swartz ( very well known doctor who deals with OCD) 4 step process :Step 1: RELABEL Recognize that the intrusive obsessive thoughts and urges are the RESULT OF OCD. Step 2: REATTRIBUTE Realize that the intensity and intrusiveness of the thought or urge is CAUSED BY OCD; it is probably related to a biochemical imbalance in the brain. Step 3: REFOCUS Work around the OCD thoughts by focusing your attention on something else, at least for a few minutes: DO ANOTHER BEHAVIOR. Step 4: REVALUE Do not take the OCD thought at face value. It Is not significant in itselfI think I'm focusing on a strategy too much and need to just keep it simple

[@itselreynoso4502]

This helped me so much!

[@di-mh5nb]

What about replacing it with a positive outcome or thought kind of like the cbt training your brains to be positive, from studying your teachings it seems like that is another thing to stop?

[@franciscoguevara9727]

Great support - i might have left the stove on or not. i practiced that same response with my obsessions this morning and i was feeling amazing. then my mom came and bitched at me for being to focused on ocd in my life and not having a normal life, and she put me in a bad mindset, now im trying to practice the same response ( i might or may not be so and so) and its not having the same effect. this morning i thought i was cured. anyway ill keep practicing this because it worked untill my mom fucked it up for me

[@1Kilili]

What is your take on loneliness ? I mean moving to a new town and not having any friends there? Buddhism teaches that loneliness is ultimately not detrimental to mental health if you accept it. But research suggests that it's lethal. Now I'm staying where I am, even though there are no jobs or chances for me to grow job-wise. But I can see my friends every once in a while. I would have to go to a new town, but these conflicting messages about the effects of aloneness confuse me. What's your take?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+1Kilili Can you explain why you would be alone in this new town? How is it that they have lots of jobs but no people you can make friends with? When being alone comes up in Buddhism, it's generally in the context of being comfortable with people or without people. If you're with people, you don't need to crave being alone, and if you're alone, you don't need to crave being with people. Wherever you are, you can be there and breathe there. I wouldn't say that Buddhism teaches that loneliness isn't detrimental. Loneliness suggests the person craves to not be alone. That desire to not be alone when you are alone will cause lots of suffering. But all of this is perhaps an unnecessary tangent that's misleading you from the real question, which would be: if you move, how are you going to make new friends and engage with your new community in a healthy, supportive way?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+1Kilili From what you've described, I would recommend exploring how you can build your friend-making social skills.

[@1Kilili]

+Mark Freeman I have done. I've always been interested in the topic. And I am a good communicator when I'm in a known environment. But it's like I'm a school kid again when I start something in a new town. Like I have magically lost the progress I had made since that age. Complicated :D:D Anyway thank you !! :) :) It's still the right direction.

[@venturiello]

Hi Mark! You're fantastic! Have you ever read books by Jiddu Krishnamurti? You have points in common in my opinion :) greetings from Italy

[@kilifischkopp1442]

what to you is the difference between acceptance and denial ? Say eg there pops up a thought and you go "This doesn't mean anything" and continue to wash your cups ? Is that denial or is it acceptance?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That wouldn't be something I would consider acceptance. Why did the person need to take time away from washing their cups to go outside and point at a cloud in the sky and tell the cloud it doesn't mean anything? Seems like a waste of time and energy. They could've kept washing the cups.

[@artlionex5528]

I have anxiety and ocd but I'm to scared to talk about it 😥😶😖😩help

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It's great you're starting to talk about it online! It is always tough to talk about at first because OCD/anxiety are all about trying to avoid things we're afraid of. So it's natural to react to that fear of talking about them. But that's just anxiety's way of keeping us trapped. Speaking up is a great way to start breaking from.

[@bhushanpatil6836]

uncertainty suckss!!! But though I am gonaa accept it :)

[@lalumierehuguenote]

Hey, I've finally been accepted into a clinic to treat my ocd/phobia problem. The solution they offer is erp for the ocd part but I want question the doctor about radical acceptance. Like should I cut all the feel good compulsions at once or not. The thing my problem is part ocd (the rituals to feel good like washig) and phobia (with mechanisms of avoidance) it's sort of a phobia of contamination (but not germs, just something that's there that disgusts me) where I disgusted of prettymuch anything and hate to touch or be touched by it (anything really with scale ofc) Do you treat phobia the same way?with erp ams acceptance? Should I go radical acceptance? Thank you

[@theboogie_monsta]

Ahh you made me cry

[@EquiLibrium022x]

Hi Mark, excellent tips as always! Just wanted to ask, how can this work for example a HIV testing, if someone struggle with the fear of being infected, how can you accept it or do the ERP in this case, living with that posibility and avoid the test, even if could be a risk situation? Or in which cases the test for reasurance would be ok to do it? Thanks!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It can help to take your doctor's advice. You mentioned a "risk situation", but that can mean many things to many people. When you're struggling with OCD, your concept of what's risky might not be very helpful. So talk with a doctor about how often you should get tested based on your sexual practices.

[@CReativeInsight1]

Thank you

[@suriyasuriya-bz9ev]

Sir please answer sir how to do ERP for religious abusive thoughts ?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It is no different than any other thoughts. Doing ERP is going to be about cutting out the compulsions.

[@vkrreddy4908]

Sir. Face pimples rashes obessions. How to deal sir from india??

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Instead of focusing on the obsessions/anxieties, I find it's useful to look at actions. How do you want to be spending your time and energy in life. We can do those actions with or without anything on our faces.

[@vkrreddy4908]

@@everybodyhasabrain keep busy myself. To cure the obessions sir?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@vkrreddy4908 I don't think I understand. Trying to "cure" the obsession is usually THE PROBLEM. Instead, I would look at compulsions you're doing, like checking your face, avoiding people and places, etc. It's useful to cut those out.

[@vkrreddy4908]

@@everybodyhasabrain repatedly checking my pimples rashes on mind mind sir. , after obsessions the anxiety was generating. Sir. Face and ears sir. Some thing. Some thing. Repeatedly disturb images on mind sir. Please reply sir??. From. Indian sir

[@sweetlimesoda98]

Mark my thoughts scare me and just send me down a pathetic spiral. When I accept the thoughts, it makes me feel like I wanna do them and act on them? (Pure o) How do I deal with this?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I found it really helpful to learn new ways of interacting with thoughts and feelings and other experiences. A good book or online course or working with a professional or using these videos can be great ways to learn healthy skills.

[@squaretables]

also what if instead of questions, your brain is telling you you are these things, and you also get images in your head

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It's the same. The images or thoughts create uncertainty: What it that's true?! What if that happened?! You may not articulate the uncertainty but it's in your reactions to the thoughts, images, etc.

[@anonymous-zb3gk]

Can someone Suggest me where can I get free CBT , ERP therapies Online. Please 🥺 , I'm unable to handle the thoughts anymore , and the worst part is I'm still 16 , and I need to prepare for college entrances and these intrusive thoughts are disturbing me to hell ,😭 I just sometimes cry to death.

[@franciscoguevara9727]

mark - do you think its possible to recover without doing ACT therapy? I mean by watching videos and practicing what I hear here? i have no physical compulsions, only unwanted thoughts, and i dont have money right now to pay for therapy. do you recommend any therapist in particular that can do ACT therapy via skype ?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Have you tried reading any books on ACT? That could be a good place to start to understand what's involved

[@franciscoguevara9727]

Thank you, you are a blessing!!

[@vkrreddy4908]

Same problem from india

[@crystalrader7920]

I've noticed every time I accept my thoughts and feel a sense of peace my brain automatically wants to think of something negative or has a sense of fear is this a compulsion? Or just an intrusive thought

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I find it helps to approach all of the stuff in my head as stuff in my head. Instead of trying to figure this out, I'd ask: what do you want to do that you care about in life when there's stuff in your head?

[@ivankam9813]

Thank you !! Do you have videos about perfectionism ocd?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

They all are. It can really help not to get stuck on themes. It's just an extension of the perfectionism compulsions--that it needs to be precisely about the right topics. But cutting out compulsions and accepting brain stuff is the same with any theme.

[@squaretables]

hey mark what do u think about taking anxiety pills like xanax while trying to accept ocd?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I wouldn't see benzos as a treatment for anxiety or OCD. They're not a replacement for behavioural therapy or cutting out compulsions. Lots of people take benzos, though. I don't know if they help people recover.

[@katiadaldegan465]

Do you know any case of a OCD sufferer who lost control and acted on a violent thought?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

This is a reassurance-seeking question. It can help to recognize that this is the OCD compulsion. The more you want to be certain about this and engage in compulsions to try to be certain about this, the more you'll be anxious about it or similar issues related to the fear of harm, or being blamed for something, or being arrested, judged by others, etc.

[@armstrongliberato6419]

Great

[@SuzanneCheung]

how long you do ERP? Fear of abandonment. Diagnosised BPD this year.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I did therapy for six months but cutting out compulsions is something that's useful to incorporate into a healthy lifestyle, like physical fitness.

[@SuzanneCheung]

It need to take every week for USD200 here in HK. I need to stay alone and do some gentle exercise like walking, yoga and abs work etc.

[@TheTerminator317]

Hi Mark, first of all thank you very much for these videos as it's certainly helping. I have understood your theory which includes having uncertainty, treating thoughts like clouds, accepting thoughts, not engage in compulsions like reassurance seeking and so on. However one thing I still need your help is doing ERP about addictive drugs. Somehow I have developed too much fear of getting addicted to illicit drugs and shit. I have never taken any drugs in my life and I don't want to take it either as far as I can think. How do you think I can do effective ERP for this? How can I really expose to this? Honestly I am bit embarrassed to ask such question but it feels that I need to do more of ERP for this. It's like now or never situation for me. Thanks heaps.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

ERP is all about cutting out compulsions. What are the compulsions you're engaging in around this fear?

[@TheTerminator317]

Mark Freeman In the past I have sought reassurance from near ones which I don't do anymore. If I read some news about drugs and all my OCD seems to kick in and get obsessed about it. It would feel like as if I am seeking certainty in my mind that I won't do it or take it. I seem to keep evaluating in my head especially when I am in shower. Before I was avoiding looking at such news but I am trying not to avoid reading it. I just want to do enough ERP so I can overcome it gradually. I hope this gives you idea. Thanks

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It might help to change some of your ideas about ERP. It sounds like you're approaching ERP as a way to prove the fear wrong and get rid of the fear and the anxiety. But OCD is all about trying to get rid of uncertainty and anxiety and other feelings we don't like. Instead of doing more compulsions, it can help to cut out compulsions. So all of that ruminating in the shower is a compulsion you can cut out.

[@TheTerminator317]

Mark Freeman yes all that ruminating certainly looks like a compulsion. I am trying to not ruminate and feel certain about it. Let's see. Thank you for responding.

[@TheTerminator317]

Hi Mark, my mind and OCD has been constantly looking out for illicit drugs. Its like my brain is completely full and obsessing and reminding me to stay away from drugs. Feels like this constant reminder in the brain that triggers every few minutes even when not in danger. I am definitely cutting out my compulsions like not seeking reassurance from anyone including myself, not stopping or avoiding obsessive thoughts, not avoiding any situation etc. How do you think ERP should be done? My idea of ERP is to confront what you fear while not doing compulsions. How do I reduce my fear? How do I get better? Is there anything I need to change? Thank you

[@SuzanneCheung]

can I try hypnosis? Dr said me not mental ill as character.

[@fabiolasoto753]

Can i overcome ocd with out meds and just erp or cbt i dont have money for therapist but i will look into books

[@everybodyhasabrain]

This is a question that only you can answer. If you make the changes, you can do it.

[@fabiolasoto753]

I belive i can i will try my best thank you so much

[@fabiolasoto753]

Did you take meds or just therapy

[@fabiolasoto753]

Your videos have help me i was in such a dark lonelynplace days agoni can see some light and feel hope thanks again

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@fabiolasoto753 Only therapy.

[@thoughtsofaryan9450]

very usefull

[@RohanSharma-fl3oi]

Hello mark, A way to find cutting out compulsions is a compulsion in itself??

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It can be. So I find it more useful to identify what we want to be doing in life and grow that.

[@Joethebro101]

Mark, sometimes the things I have mental compulsions about like stoves, doors, and locks actually happen and I leave something on or open. So when I going through it I think it has happened in the past so it’s hard to dismiss it. What do you recommend?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Why would that make a difference? Are you trying to say that it's ok to do compulsions because the fear could come true?

[@Joethebro101]

@@everybodyhasabrain I’m more saying the things that I have had mental/physical compulsions about have come true sometimes. So why shouldn’t I do more mental/physical compulsions and this time I might get it right?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

But that's just standard OCD. If you listen to stuff like that, you just end up feeding the OCD over and over and over and over again. It'll always be able to think of real, rational reasons to do compulsions. That's why I say that recovery is UNREASONABLE.

[@Joethebro101]

@@everybodyhasabrain Ok, sounds good. Hey Mark, do you do individual therapy on Zoom or online somehow? If you do can you give me your link?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@Joethebro101 You can find out about the coaching work I do here: www.markfreeman.ca/coaching/ I'm not a therapist and what I do isn't therapy. My work is more like a personal fitness trainer, but for mental fitness. So I work with people on making healthy changes and building psychological flexibility, learning how to handle uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, giving more time and energy to the things we care about in life.

[@stephaniep2674]

Do you still deal with anxiety

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Stephanie P Every human experiences anxiety. Trying to avoid that experience creates anxiety disorders. But if I experienced anxiety now, it's like any other experience, and I wouldn't let it interfere with living my life.

[@asutoshboro1997]

Hey Mark will it be helpful to not answer my intrusive questions by saying to my self " its a stupid question in the first place" ?

[@StratMatt777]

I'm not Mark, but you can say to yourself, "It's not me, it's my OCD" and then go buy the book I stole that from: "Brain Lock" by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz so you can learn all 4 of the "4 R's" (I just told you the first two: recognize and relabel). The book worked wonders for me in 2001.