Old Fashioned - The Cinema Snob

[@HarrisBoe]

But wait, Clay was in a room alone with his aunt. Does that mean what I think it means?

[@BloodfelX]

+Harris Boekenheide I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking Clay's aunt was actually a man. ...That is what we're thinking, right?

[@dosbilliam]

+BloodfelX His words hinted at "can't be alone with ANYONE" which just makes it a plot hole. One that'd be easy to fix, but this is Pure Flix and fixing that is impossible.

[@Advent3546]

+Harris Boekenheide If that stinger leaves me to believe anything I think it does. We are thinking of the same thing right?

[@HarrisBoe]

+Advent3546 He killed off his aunt-wife so he could marry Amber.

[@Advent3546]

Harris Boekenheide Not exactly what I was thinking about but, in the ballpark.

[@p.z.arnott2329]

So Clay made a promise to not be alone with a woman who is not his wife. So, what happens when a woman walks into his store and she's the only one there and no one else? I'm sorry, but how the Hell does he still run a business with that mindset?

[@Arrowdodger]

I assume he thinks of businesses differently. though it's probably just a plothole because this movie is atrocious.

[@alexcardosa8079]

I think the promise was "that he would never be alone with his wife", he just forgot.

[@danielyoung6778]

he dives out the window scott pilgrim style

[@adelahogarth2761]

Not an issue if she doesn't leave the kitchen, naturally.

[@Flaris]

Probably tells her to get the fuck out...Yeah I have no idea how he runs a business.

[@taffysaur]

_"Did anyone ask for your help in there?"_ I have to say the stripper is totally in the right here. It's pretty sexist of _him_ to assume the poor, helpless woman-- who couldn't possibly have the agency and awareness to make her own work choices-- is being 'disrespected' (by a bunch of men who want to pay her an exorbitant sum of cash for the privelige of admiring her) and needs rescuing. He neatly sums up what annoys about his stripe of zealot with the line "You think you're so much better than me," but... somehow thinks he's maintaining his character's moral high ground throughout the entire thing..? Stop interfering in other people's work, man! It's _perfectly fine_ if you have a problem with participation... So then _just leave!_ Problem solved, and you didn't have to make any new enemies to do it! If you want to set an example, _be an example,_ don't lecture your friends and this woman as though they're wilful children just because they have a different opinion than yours. Also... Wait, they remade That Darn Cat..? When did this bullshit happen? Why wasn't I informed..?

[@taffysaur]

Ah, okay, it's a flaw he has to overcome. Fair enough, fair enough. Still, the stripper thing is revealing, wether or not he's gonna do it again.

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

+Mychael Darklighter Given that it's a Pure Flix movie, they probably wanted to portray Clay as in the right, and make the stripper seem like an ungrateful jerk, but due to their consistently terrible writing/directing, they actually made her the more sympathetic one...

[@taffysaur]

TMonager High Yeah, that was my thinking when I made the original comment.

[@Kochiha]

They remade it in 1996 or 1997 or something like that. It went for the ZANY HIJINKS angle because this was the 90s.

[@ashleynoblin2641]

What I dont understand is why couldnt she just go back? He left

[@skyehare4]

Clay had no right to be that judgemental with that damn haircut on his head

[@thequietdreamer2186]

They need to show this movie at schools in Northern Ireland. Why? Because no matter whether you're Protestant or Catholic, you will hate Clay with the passion of a thousand suns.

[@kayhaven4710]

Can I have your profile pic? It is so ******* awesome! I have no idea how you caught Scooby-Doo in that pose.

[@rainworldenthusiast]

You know that haircut is the best thing about clay. And its a horrible, shitty haircut.

[@mfitzburger5137]

Dude straight up looks like a Sims 2 preset.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

He looks like Kirk Cameron with Justin Bieber's hair.

[@tjbarke6086]

Movie claiming dating is bad for couples trying to get know one another, consists of two people going out on several dates to get to know one another...

[@stephenmarco2927]

+Anarchy Pony I read that in the cinemasins voice.

[@TheBonkleFox]

Scene does not contain a lapdance.

[@missmoxie9188]

Good point

[@SuperSwordman1]

@@stephenmarco2927 great, now that you said that so did I. Well, guess only one thing to say then... *ding*

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

TJ Barke would be great at cinemasins. DING

[@Redem10]

he later went on to divorce her when he discovered she was sterile (Actually she wasn't, he was, but he couldn't believe he was shooting blank)

[@sirprize275]

Redem10 who are we kidding? They’re not having sex. Clay is having sex with the shock jock they had much better chemistry.

[@dragonkeeper19600]

Just like the Comstocks! So romantic...

[@frenchfriedrenaissancebaby6140]

MAARP Evans Guess he should avoid looking in mirrors, then

[@morganyoung3557]

Since Clay doesn’t seem like the type to believe in divorce, he would more likely poison her to get out of their marriage.

[@mrcritical6751]

Clay would pray to god to turn her into a tree so he could make her into a chair to get out of a marriage with Amber

[@MegaFriendlyCreeper]

It must suck for him to use elevators. If a woman gets on he has to climb the whole building.

[@IronPiedmont]

That sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit.

[@insanePyro13]

XD

[@blt_productions8738]

Or just take the stairs

[@taqu]

In other words, if a woman gets on, he must get off.

[@theponydalek7923]

I'm pretty sure Clay would make the woman get out

[@jdzero]

They say "Chivalry makes a come back" but I see NO ONE in this film engaging in armed combat.

[@jdzero]

+mipmipmipmipmip This movie would be 10 times better if the main characters suddenly broke out in ren-fest leather armor and had an axe battle. And to make that poster really poignant, the winner tears out the heart of the loser and eats it in public.

[@mrcritical6751]

Do not give Clay an axe that won’t turn out well at all

[@Kahran042]

There also aren't any horses, which are the freakin' root word of chivalry. :P

[@MegaManXPoweredUp]

A wise man once gave me the best dating advice I'd ever heard; A real man goes in with armor! I'm assuming this is what people mean by "wearing protection"

[@dnmstarsi]

@@mrcritical6751 I dunno. We'd get a better movie than this.

[@thefruitsong]

You know, her ending up with Clay does kind of make sense. Her last boyfriend broke her hand! It's still in its cast. Her state of mind is not healthy enough for a relationship.

[@dnmstarsi]

Yep. Which is why IMO after a month (give or take) passed, Amber left him and Clay became/resumed being an axe murder.

[@fluffiedoom]

This movie is more tragic than romantic. I hope she doesn't have a baby with him, yikes.

[@redjed100]

I’m honestly of the opinion that Rik Swartzwelder’s line delivery is where the passive aggressive nature of the character comes from. If he’d said “Depends on the color” to her asking if he’d break her hand in a different tone of voice, it might be charming or even funny. The other problems with the movie’s script would still be there, but the biggest problem would have to be his line delivery, which is weird, because the other acting in the movie is at least passable, and as the director, he’s at least somewhat responsible for that.

[@redjed100]

I guess he’s okay at directing everyone except himself.

[@kenthuang436]

Amber would get more romance dating an Amish man than she would with Brad. And that makes me sad for her.

[@MeeplandHeights]

To be honest, I'm more scared of a man who doesn't want to be alone with a girl than one who's comfortable with many. If the person thinks he can't control himself around any women then, if anything, it's indicative that he either thinks that all women are just walking, talking sex machines or that he thinks he's a sex monster.

[@MamaMOB]

As a woman... THIS!

[@JennaLeigh]

This!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@lurchlogan]

It's the latter... Usually!!

[@keijijohnson9754]

OR! He COULD be neither and is just a very shy guy.

[@hseile7314]

@@keijijohnson9754 That could be true, but that wasn't the point. Point was which one is scarier, from woman's point of view.

[@robotrix]

Actually, the most unrealistic thing in this movie is that the girl would be so open to a new guy after having her arm broken (and not even had a chance to heal yet) by an ex. I'd think SHE would be the one afraid to be alone in the apartment with him at first.

[@alucardyoici]

+robotrix Well now you know how she got her arm broken in the first place, she has dependence issues

[@thanotosomega]

+alucardyoici which makes this even scarier since she clearly isn't in a healthy spot to be getting into a long term relationship,

[@greyrose6097]

+robotrix Plus the fact that Clay says, "Depends on the color" when she tells him why she was beaten

[@devilshomie]

+robotrix You could go so far as to say that the only reason why she's putting up with him is because of how low her self esteem is.

[@Shades14]

This comment just made realize how much potential these idiots at PureFlix wasted. It could have been a movie about an abuse victim learning to love and trust men again with help from her charming (not Clay) landlord. Good job PureFlix.

[@PancakeArbiter]

And the marriage probably lasts about a week when Amber discovers she really can't stand being in a room alone with Clay.

[@rainworldenthusiast]

Actually, I think it would only last a week because Clay has spent his entire Christian life staying pure and not masturbating, so when he finally kisses Amber on the lips he prematurely ejaculates so hard it soaks his pants through and he has to sleep it off. And it happens every. Time.

[@elder-woodsilverstein7716]

Let’s just pretend that’s cannon.

[@kenthuang436]

Amber would get more action and excitement from dating an Amish guy and that’s pretty sad when a guy with no electricity or modern tech would be more affectionate than Clay

[@SpinosaurusTheProudSocialist]

​@@kenthuang436I mean at least the Amish dude would be willing to be in the same room with her.

[@BohemianScandalous]

Oh yeah treating women with respect involves assuming every normal date with a woman involves her putting out, asking invasive questions about her sexual/romantic history, and grooming her to be a mother and nothing else. Actually does he care anything about her than her ability to pop out babies and care for them. Also, does he even intend on taking care of these future children? It sure seems like he wants her to do everything.

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

+BohemianScandalous While most couples would agree that subjects of past relationships and children are important, most couples also agree that that sort of thing should be saved until after the two have been going out for a long time (as in, months), not on the flipping first date... Yeah, those parts were "old-fashioned" aspects that should stay in the past...

[@billjacobs521]

+BohemianScandalous Could have saved himself a headache and just had her fill out a questionnaire. And what's weird is how fucking terrified he is of sex. Oh, sure, he applauds "intimacy", but even the potential of orgasm seems to freak him the fuck out.

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

Bill Jacobs That... could be attributed to a couple of possibilities. The first is Clay-specific, that being his past as a porn/smut maker (and probably a poor one, given how terrified the women in his videos seemed) has given him a ... twisted view of romance and sex. He is probably taking that controlling, clinical approach to their relationship for that reason, which is wrong to do, as that's not a relationship, that's an interview, like he's hiring a wife (which he's at least a century and a half late for). The second... may or may not be a case with him, but is a case with many Christian boys/men, that being a combination of numerous sermons/lectures about sexual purity and abstinence and America's somewhat Puritan views of sex (as something somehow inherently sinful and abhorrent, making it a "shameful" or "scandalous" subject) making the mention or act of sex, even within the context of marriage, feel uncomfortable or wrong (which, at least within marriage, it is not supposed to be at all; heck, a couple of passages in the Bible heavily condone married couples being physically intimate - meaning, having sex - often). If the former is the case, well, they'll have to work through that one, as that will take some major adjustment for him and some understanding for her. If it's the latter... this is part of why I, as a Christian, do not like this Clay guy (though this is alleviated ever so slightly by the fact that he had to learn to loosen up and have a little fun, which he still fails at...).

[@Seth9809]

+TMonager High Sex saves marriages. Good marriages produce happy couples and better off children. Thus, it's not the end of the world if two people fuck a lot.

[@andresesqueda1424]

thats the message of the movie lol

[@chrisgostanian6753]

I just thought of something. How has Clay not been sued into oblivion by women coming into his store and him refusing them service and making them leave?

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

+Chris Gostanian Because in this alternate reality, he's supposed to be a shining example of a godly man. The women just stand at the door and tell him what they want, I guess. But yes, if he practiced that in our reality, he'd be shut down for discrimination based on both religion and gender.

[@griffinmcgonagle3272]

He should put up a "no girls allowed sign" on the window of his store

[@ericad8616]

@@PodreyJenkin138 The owner of a business does have a lot of leeway in who he chooses to serve or do business with. One is allowed to put up a "No shirt, no shoes, no service" sign on the front door of their convivence store, for example. However, there are anti discrimination laws in place that make it illegal for an owner to refuse service to people for certain reasons. Among these reasons are a person's race, disability and sex. There are some exceptions, but for the most part a store owner cannot refuse to allow a woman in his shop simply because he doesn't want to be alone with her, so Clay would get into trouble for doing that. This also applies to landlords, so Clay could potentially have gotten in trouble for forcing her to wait outside of the apartment she is legally renting from him while he is fixing her appliance.

[@crimsondynamo615]

@@griffinmcgonagle3272 clay is the father of the he man woman haters club

[@HoopsAndDinoMan]

This movie is like The Room of religious movies. And I don't mean "it's the worst one ever made," I mean it surprisingly has all the same problems: creepy main character, no one talks like a real person, random scenery shots, slow, boring music, out-of-nowhere moments that are never mentioned again, insane meme-worthy lines, there's even a part where they're "playing" basketball (as opposed to football) while talking about nonsense!

[@nathanclark2424]

HoopsAndDinoMan what separates The room from Old Fashioned? Not trying to shut down your points, I'm just legitimately curious

[@kendra4507]

Nathan Clark Although both are similar in that they are both highly misogynistic, vanity projects by creepy Alien like men, I would argue the two are different. While both are bad the room is so awkward it comes off as unintentionally funny and thus enjoyable. Old fashioned is bad but is preachy with abusive undertones. To me it comes through as creepy and uncomfortable. Also, old fashioned has a (albeit lousy) plot.

[@geoffreysorkin5774]

That's not fair, The Room is a hilarious quotable comedy, it just wasn't supposed to be that. Old Fashioned is just bloody creepy. Anyways, how's your sex life?

[@kata1261]

Thank you, glad I'm not the only one who saw the comparison. One correction though- SERIOUSLY CREEPY LOVE INTEREST as opposed to creepy main character. The main character, as far as I gathered, was the woman, and she was only borderline creepy in a Stepford kind of way, not necessarily SERIOUSLY CREEPY.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

It doesn't have a downer ending though.

[@redactedredacted6656]

Are the most endearing characters supposed to be the stripper and the body guard ? Give me their story.

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

+simone robson No, no, they're not supposed to be, but they end up that way. Put those two in the "make much more interesting characters than our main characters" file...

[@fleacythesheepgirl]

A movie that breaks the "It's still a better love story then Twilight" meme.

[@kenetickups6146]

not sure if that's true though

[@Irondrone4]

+fleacythesheepgirl My God...I didn't think it was possible...we're doomed. We're all doomed.

[@frankcuevas5155]

That is a scary thought...

[@Tareltonlives]

+fleacythesheepgirl Yeah, I'm honestly not sure if this is better or not

[@bioblitzer]

Oh god ur right

[@tategibbs655]

"College Girls X-Posed" looks more like footage of human trafficking.

[@devilshomie]

Honestly with Clay's personality I'm not surprised

[@FrenchPaul1988]

Maybe he was involved in snuff films. I mean, would it be surprising if he turned out to be involved with Hassan from The bloody Horror Video that made me puke on my Aunt Gertrude ?

[@davidreese3624]

No, college girls x-posed is clearly working with Bobby Wobbly from the Oogieloves. Go to this URL to read my extensive 20 chapter case study on the now convicted Mr. Wobbly and over 50 cases of snuff filming in the New Hampshire Area. 1.bp.blogspot.com/-XLpXpxGOqso/UR5omyNfAoI/AAAAAAAAKFs/Hqvl4Nb9XSA/s1600/3418236594_036.bmp

[@TheRealLazerBlazer22]

Tate Gibbs What it looks like... is a better movie than Old Fashioned.

[@OmegaSoypreme]

College Girls Exported?

[@TheBrianJ]

So that scene where Clay interrupts the stripper and everyone yells at him... is that actually supposed to make us SYMPATHIZE with Clay? That is genuinely mind-blowing that writing that poor could be in a movie. He acts like a massive prick and is rightfully kicked out. Are we seriously supposed to think "Wow, poor Clay?"

[@mastermarkus5307]

+TheBrianJ Hell, I'm sure they could've even _attempted_ to make him look sympathetic, if they removed how the stripper and her manager were obviously logical, normal, angry people. They could've written that the stripper was being abused or the guys at the party were trying to take advantage of her, but no, they made Clay look like an asshole, and I don't know if the movie wants us to think that or not, considering that he's creepy or an asshole pretty much all the rest of the time, and unless this is some kind of "stealth psychological thriller" I guess we are supposed to like him _somehow_.

[@TheBrianJ]

Master Markus It's a weird scene, because if they were trying to make him sympathetic, it failed because he looks like a prick. And if they were trying to be like "Clay is going too far and is in the wrong," they ALSO failed because the presentation, and lines like "we need to treat women with respect," point to him being sympathetic. It fails no matter what it's going for.

[@stephenmarco2927]

+TheBrianJ And his behavior doesn't improve. If he claimed his friends weren't respecting women only to find he was the one disrespecting her, and then worked to be better. It would have been a much better scene.

[@austinleach1307]

+Master Markus I know that this comment is 2 years old, but I wanted to chime in what I think our issue is. The movie makers think they ARE portraying the stripper as being abused or taken advantage of. Because in their minds, the fact that she is a stripper AT ALL makes her a woman that must be saved or shamed, depending on how much she likes her job. In the mind of Clay and the film makers, they also believe hiring a stripper AT ALL is disrespectful to a woman. To their target audience, this probably worked as intended. To the not insane people watching this movie, to the people who don't think strippers should be treated poorly purely based on their profession, Clay is a dick.

[@mrcritical6751]

Yeah but issue is they pretty much go out of their way to show Clay is in the wrong the stripper literally points out Clay’s problem he thinks he’s better than everyone because he’s so religious and straight and narrow that everyone is less good than him in his eyes

[@OneOnOne1162]

This actually reminds me of Twilight a lot. No sex and a creepy, obsessive male protagonist whos insanity comes off as "charm" to the girl who's inexplicably attracted to him.

[@a999op]

I don't see the problem with no sex.

[@OneOnOne1162]

+a999op I didn't say anything about anything being or not being a problem. I said it reminded me of Twilight for those reasons.

[@austinleach1307]

Bella's attraction makes more sense, honestly. It follows the cliche of a younger girl being interested in the dark and mysterious hunk. Clay comes in right off the bat being a creeper and presenting views that it's hard to understand a grown woman finding attractive.

[@bartistclord1916]

Until you listen to the dialog and realize that that the 16 year old bella wants her some hunk-a-hunka One HUNDRED and nineteen year old vampire Meat. and THAT is supposed to be "Hot". wtf does he look like without that sparklely Glamor spell ? a 119 year old man... omg how age-ist of me to say such a thing. About Clay... agreed. at least the vampire HAS a Glamor spell and can Pretend to be a normal human for social occasions.

[@bartistclord1916]

I have not read twilight nor watched through the movies, I've only caught small parts. Edward is sorta social, much more than Clay, but I tend to think that Edward hanging out at the high school is "_________" considering his details. Details like blood sucker, old man, stalking teenagers, predator among the children, etc. At least Clay is focused on someone who Should be wise enough to escape.

[@CasaiAgicap]

There's a few times where it's obvious that Clay is SUPPOSED to be saying something funny or charming ("depends on the nail polish", for example)... But his actor is so bland and wooden that it just ends up sounding creepy or, well, just completely falls flat. Maybe if they got someone who could act, it would go from a 1 to a 2?

[@harrietamidala1691]

+CasaiAgicap Oh god, that exact exchange about Amber's hand being broken by her last ex-boyfriend because he didn't like her nail polish color just made me scream "Oh, hell, NO!"

[@CasaiAgicap]

+harrietamidala1691 I can completely understand that reaction as well, but to me it seems like that line was supposed to be kind of snarky, charming sort of ribbing, rather than matter of fact. Unfortunately, our friend here has basically no charisma whatsoever, so he can't pull it off that kind of dialogue.

[@fightingmedialounge519]

I thought he was suppose to be wooden.

[@belias360]

@Soviet who Cuts "4" is being generous.

[@scitechian]

Clay: "That's not much of a story." Snob: "Well, YOU're not much of a person." WOW. That is one hell of an insult.

[@coolnerdlll6053]

That reminds me of an old joke where a mom and child are finishing dinner. Mom: Remember to thank the Lord for your dinner, honey. Child: Thanks for dinner, Lord. Mom: That wasn't much of a thanking. Child: It wasn't much of a dinner.

[@kenthuang436]

@@coolnerdlll6053 It made me think of the one episode of Futurama where Leela made that kids show.

[@LibraGamesUnlimited]

What a lie. He's a vampire and he can't come in uninvited. :)

[@LibraGamesUnlimited]

***** I think that's in the next movie. :)

[@natachagoity805]

+Chris McWilliams I thought the same when i saw he wasn't going in. Would be a better twist than the "real" story.

[@LibraGamesUnlimited]

Natacha Goity Totally. It might also have explained why he was so 'old fashioned', because he's hundreds of years old. :)

[@natachagoity805]

I feel like we have Twilight plot here... and now everything make sense

[@LibraGamesUnlimited]

Natacha Goity That would explain a lot.

[@essbiebrown8839]

When my (late) grandpa first went on a date with my grandma, he brought her home and stayed on the porch all night because her parents were out of town, she was alone in the house, and people would talk if he stayed IN the house for the night. By today's standards this is weird but this was the late 50s so at the time it was charming, if not old fashioned even then. What he did NOT do what make it about him or get scared to enter a room alone with her. He actually respected her.

[@photofreak56]

yeah. Christians seems to always forget the whole respecting the other person thing in their movies. Props to your grandfather :) he sounds like a really nice dude

[@KaleidosXXI]

@@photofreak56 Even in the 50's that's a *really* weird thing to do, and beyond ridiculous levels of conservative behavior. I have no clue how gramps managed to gaslight their grandchild and flip this to make himself come off as a nice or respectful dude.

[@prettyevil6662000]

Through the commentary by the friends, and the stripper, it's like the movie is almost reaching self-awareness that the way this man behaves is bad for interacting with a modern society and even harmful to the people within it (that stripper may not be able to buy food this month because Clay insisted she can't do her job for willing people). And then it goes right back to being stupid.

[@matthewheinlen9164]

Sometimes things are old fashioned because they’re just outdated. There’s a reason so few people use typewriters nowadays.

[@mrmonty86]

@@matthewheinlen9164 Some people still use typewriters; they're called authors.

[@calebmauer1751]

@@mrmonty86 Some authors maybe, I think it's a bit presumptuous of you to imply it's a lot of them.

[@seagallart4776]

Ya know? Pure Flix is basically the PETA of the Christian film studios. They both think they're doing the right thing, but do it the wrong way and end up hurting themselves and everyone around them.

[@godzillavkk]

I have more respect for PETA than pure flix.

[@bthsr7113]

@@godzillavkk So do I, and that's saying volumes.

[@godzillavkk]

@@bthsr7113 Good.

[@Plague-speaker]

Even though I hate PETA I do sincerely believe that they believe. With Pure Flix, half the time I think they are just doing it for that sweet sweet mulah.

[@AlexKS1992]

PETA is pure evil and they are barbarians.

[@reggiepark3155]

This is basically a movie about a Sociopath, that doesn't know he is one. The scene with "The Perfect Honeymoon", and the Bachelor party just says it all. This is seriously more disturbing than the majority of horror movies I've watched. That is saying something.

[@greywalker505]

Few people know that they're sociopaths, and even if they do, they don't see anything wrong with their actions.

[@LiveNiceness14]

Reggie Park More disturbing than people who act like this IN REAL LIFE.

[@chrismorris6865]

What's disturbing for me is that he doesn't change, and we're supposed to see him as the good guy and everyone else as needing to change in order to be more like him.

[@blixer8384]

To paraphrase the immortal Malcolm Reynolds "[There is] Nothing more horrifying than a monster who thinks he's right with God."

[@sarahvanderpuye1602]

Wouldn’t a sociopath not care if they are one

[@SpongeyTheEditor]

"I hate 2016 already" Snob hated 2016 before it was cool

[@augustwest5356]

Spongey444 what a dumb thing to say...

[@IoEstasCedonta]

I mean, this was posted the day after David Bowie died...

[@darksideofthemoon488]

2020: Hold my beer.

[@godzillavkk]

@@darksideofthemoon488 I miss 2016.

[@coolnerdlll6053]

@@darksideofthemoon488 Hello from 2022. It's been a year and a half since the Dark Year ended and things have only slightly improved.

[@geoffreysorkin5774]

How is this movie not about Clay realizing he's gay, and Amber moving past her previous abusive relationship and becoming stronger? Oh right, it's a PureFlix film where good set ups for stores turn into creepy excuses for evangelicals to pretend they're victims.

[@justanotheronlineobserver3387]

Also gay isn’t a word in the pure Flix universe

[@jborrego2406]

But him being gay when makes sense cause he wouldn’t have issues being in a room with women or a woman

[@georgeray1906]

Or maybe Clay could be shy around women?

[@dechha1981]

This movie accidently raises an interesting question;This guy, seemingly paradoxically, disrespected the stripper by demanding the other guys respect her. I say "seemingly paradoxically" because, in fact, he showed her no respect whatsoever. "You should be ashamed of yourself now get dressed" is NOT respect.

[@Dreigonix]

Typical Fake Nice Guy who only respects women who fall within his standard of sexual purity.

[@Dreigonix]

+fluffimator Exactly.

[@ECL28E]

Clay, we do not slut-shame in this house; we slut-appreciate

[@nickjoffe8433]

Not to mention this film is extremely one sided and only favors its own perspective and no one else'.

[@matthewheinlen9164]

@@nickjoffe8433 which I think technically qualifies it as propaganda.

[@harrietamidala1691]

You know what this movie needs? A cover of the song Hellfire from Hunchback of Notre Dame!

[@MenwithHill]

Now Twilight's still a better love story than Old Fashioned.

[@StonedGremlinProductions]

+MenwithHill Very true.

[@rotblitzkrieg]

+MenwithHill Wow. That's true, and... absolutely terrifying.

[@agentleman4610]

There's a LOT of things that are better than Twilight. Getting punched in the dick by Mike Tyson in his prime would be better than Twilight.

[@agentleman4610]

azureATC What? Just because I refuse to conform to the meme you immediately have to get hostile? Twilight's story is terrible. The movies are terrible. Stephanie Meyer is terrible. The very fact that Twilight exists is terrible. Therefore what I said is perfectly valid.

[@badantiherochato]

+Chris Newman Nobody said Twilight is good. The joke was that Old Fashioned is worse that Twilight, which is shit.

[@miraprime474]

Where do Christians keep getting their ideas about anything from? Its not the faith. I'm a Christian as well, as I thought that movie was beyond reprehensible. It's sad that the best Christian related film that I have ever seen is Kevin Smith's Dogma. It was a surprisingly balanced and thoughtful movie that challenged Christianity, without demonizing it, and had a rubber poop monster in it. The faith-based movies being made now are just pandering drivel that frequently make Christians look like ignorant creeps at best and disgusting dirtbags at worst (I'm looking at you Kirk). I've been saying for a good while now, "My faith in God is fine; its other Christians that bother me." It's a shame that declaration is still relevant to me.

[@majdo007]

+Pop Culture Primer (Pop Culture Primer) Last temptation of Christ was good as well. The human side of JC was shown very convincingly.

[@darkbeast3002]

+Pop Culture Primer (Pop Culture Primer) *Claps* Well said. I remember all the people with their panties in a bunch about Dogma who didn't even bother to see it. Just immediately took offense that someone could dare do something like that involving the faith. Yet if they had bothered to watch they would have seen that Kevin Smith actually treated the subject manner with respect while also having fun with it.

[@MarquisSmith]

I am sort of the same... I say sort of because my faith is slowly giving way to agnosticism. It is difficult to maintain a belief in something when you actively try to distance yourself from other believers. Being around your average Christian makes me feel slightly ill. How they took Jesus' teachings of love and forgiveness and twisted them to reinforce their own personal bigotry is a mystery. Do they really think the guy who hung out with outcasts and prostitutes - the guy who said judge not less ye be judged - would be be cool with them pouring scorn onto the sins of others? And then there is the way they cherry pick different parts of the bible to suit their own right wing agendas. For example, going all the way back to old testament Leviticus to condemn stuff like homosexuality, while at the same time ignoring the other rules written down in the same book (eating fat, coming into contact with pork, mixing fabric in clothing, etc). The whole affair leaves a rotten taste in my mouth.

[@ARMRStudios]

+Pop Culture Primer (Pop Culture Primer) "My faith in God is fine; its other Christians that bother me." As a Mormon... I need this quote on my tie! Dude I feel you!

[@agentleman4610]

You are awesome. I gave up on the bible and the church but I still believe in God and Jesus. It's shit like this though that make it harder and harder. I mean come on all this is meant to do is reaffirm the already batshit insane and brainwash the next generation. Wouldn't it be nice to have a movie where both sides are represented by sane, normal people.

[@Choatemister]

Every one has there rival. Markiplier has Vanish, Caddy has Phoenix, and Snob has Pure Flix apparently.

[@ginnrollins211]

And Idubbbz has Jinx, Leafy, Keemstar, Tana Mongeau, Ricegum, Quaffine, Gatorpoon, Leusick Diamondeyes, Pisces Sikono, all toy review channels, all tech destruction channels, all reaction channels, all food review channels, and possibly, Anything4Viewz.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

Linkara has Frank Miller and Rob Liefeld.

[@vegetashairline3060]

i've waited a year to see if anyone mentions James Rolfe and LJN...

[@ginnrollins211]

Khadijah Johnson Pretty much. Same with Kickstarter.

[@mordecaieagle4240]

Mr Sunday movies&Mason vs horrible games and comics

[@KittyxGrimm]

"When did treating with respect become a joke?" Pot, meet Kettle. I'm sure you'll get along just fine.

[@corysowers6326]

Can I have the Pot? It might help me forget the movie after I've been stoned!

[@theshipper5797]

Oh, you mean how you respect this girl whose into you for some reason? By being an asshole? There's a word for that. It's Hypocrite.

[@Godzilla52]

I don't get how people can defend some of these faith based films. The films themselves preach borderline insane or backward messages and feature crazy protagonists such as the one in this movie. Brad even addresses this at the end of the review. Even if you're Christian, this movie should still be a pile of shit. Plus, who are these people coming out of the woodwork to attack the films criticisms? do they actually seek out the people bad mouthing the movie to have an opportunity to defend it?

[@riseuplight]

I'm a Christian and this movie is offensive to women and the institution of marriage.

[@Psycomantis1]

Please don't use my race for your narrative explaining this hemorrhoid of a movie. Besides, I'm still mad at Tyler Perry for Alex Cross. God was that awful.

[@PhoenixRising87]

@AllHailBoognish: I hope that in the age of films like Hidden Figures, GET OUT, and the adaptation of Black Panther, that can change.

[@aaronkeller9897]

no it is a pile of crap it feels like a prequel to voiceless except worse

[@UnknownUnknown-mo7zg]

That dating book is offensive. I wouldn't go ten yards near anyone that has one.

[@MikePhalin]

Wow. Christian filmmakers sure do know how to make a great visual guide to being both an abuser and the abused.

[@matthewheinlen9164]

Well when martyrdom and suffering from abuse are central tenets to what makes that religion distinct it does run the risk of imprinting the wrong lessons on its followers. I’ve met plenty of Christians that don’t think that way but if some do then it might explain the persecution complex movies as well.

[@nexus5253]

That would explain the lack of self awareness they clearly don’t have.

[@lunasmith9367]

I find myself rewatching the stripper scene... Just wow he cheated her out of money. They weren't being disrespectful they weren't forcing her to do anything. She was just doing her job. Just, wow. This makes me really sad :( she chose this job and now he is stealing money from her claiming to be on her side. This completely blew my mind. So much disrespect for both parties. The men who threw the party. And the girl who was doing something she chose to. I know I'm probably saying wow a lot, but right now I'm in complete shock. So.... Wow.

[@XombieRawr]

as someone who has been thru a mentally manipulative and emotionally abusive relationship this movie disgusts me on a whole new level I never thought possible. This "combats" 50 Shades of Grey like their two bullies trying to beat up the same kid. instead of an abusive hypersexual setting this paints a wonderful rainbow of slut shaming and vagina fearing weirdos and I can't believe I have to live in a world where both these films exist. I feel like I need to became an aftercare buddy for a Christian BDSM group to balance this out.

[@XombieRawr]

*they're not their fuck thus movie is so bad I'm forgetting decent grammar

[@XombieRawr]

*they're not their fuck thus movie is so bad I'm forgetting decent grammar

[@firebladetenn6633]

Slaan I legitimately apologize that I can’t like this comment more than once.

[@stevew7097]

Clay should put all of his books down and never pick them up again. Clay is afraid of women, afraid of himself, and afraid of his God, and he dishonors them all by trying to live through his books and his written rules. In so doing he is spitting in the face of everything he claims to believe in and worship, and he's not fooling anyone but himself.

[@arthas640]

The movie tries to be religious yet seems more like a subversive movie made by atheists to mock religious people and conservatives. It's almost dangerously retarded

[@hernanjimenez668]

"You are boring. Character aside, as an actor, you are boring"Hahaha. I love that part in the review.

[@The_Drewid]

Brad hated 2016 before it was cool.

[@KyleNorty]

27:02 Clay: "Finally, I thought the old bag would never kick off." Me: "WHAT IN THE HOLY NAME OF FUCK!!!"

[@SoraQuil0]

+Solar Coffee I'm assuming he was waiting for her to pass out (not drunk of course, she's a "respectable character" in a Christian film, but because she is old and tired). He probably was waiting for this moment so he could leave (unless that's the last scene the aunt is in, then she's dead)

[@starwarsnerd100]

+Kyle Norty It's so fucking weird, it's like he actually IS a serial killer and he accidentally said his Dexter style inner monologue out loud.

[@ThatsNiceFilms]

So that's why he can never be alone with a woman.

[@LongshoremanX]

+Ben Sapatka ahaahaha

[@XenRiddle]

+Kyle Norty Well, to be fair it was only meant in jest, and she was only sleeping instead of dead. The writers are still bad at their job, though.

[@naomiwashburn358]

Holy FUCK this takes me back to high school. This is EXACTLY how churches thought relationships should look. Or at least it's exactly what they taught me when I was in my teens and twenties. I read so many books about this shit. I Kissed Dating Goodbye, When God Writes Your Love Story, and one called something like I Gave Dating a Chance, which was kind of radical in its moderate approach. This was the late 90's and early 00's, what I now think of as the heyday of True Love Waits. I knew people who were saving their first kiss for their wedding day, and they were looked at with a kind of awe. Finding out that anyone you knew had had sex was cause for a kind of deep mourning. Because they had lost something precious, and didn't even seem to know it. But we were SURE they would come to realize their mistake later, and be super sad about it. This movie is a stunningly accurate portrayal of how I was taught relationships should proceed. Never be in a situation where sexing might happen ever. There is no such thing as a casual relationship. Any relationship must be headed towards marriage or it needs to end. I never met anyone I particularly was interested in marrying. And when I did find someone I thought might be a prospect, they generally weren't into me. So, the only option was to be alone. And when you're a woman, there's this tense double standard where you're expected to get married and make babies, but you had better not lower those godly standards you're supposed to have. Oh, did I mention you're not allowed to masturbate, either? Masturbation is a sin because sexual feelings should only be expressed to your spouse. Your spouse and God are the owners of your sexuality, not you. This is also why being genuinely gay can't possibly be a thing, because the only expression of healthy sexuality exists solely between a husband and a wife (this one has softened in some parts over the years, but not in others). The best way to deal with sexual frustration is to pray and try to distract yourself. Kathleen Norris, in her memoir The Cloister Walk, describes how one monk chose early on to channel his sexual energy into doing good for others. By doing that, he was able to virtually eliminate all sexual thoughts and desires. I tried it. It worked for me for YEARS. And this is the kind of relationship I was supposed to yearn for. The kind of man I was supposed to be waiting for. Granted, in this film, she actually cheats. She tricks him into having dates with her by sabotaging her apartment. In a perfect story with perfect, unflawed characters, he would first declare his intentions and she would accept. In some churches, it's ok for the girl to approach the guy. In one church, the ideal was for one person to approach the other, express a romantic interest, and ask permission to pursue said romantic interest. That idea was actually pretty radical, and was considered WAY too liberal by some other members of the community. Arranged marriage was considered the ideal in some more conservative circles, because your parents know best what is good for you. I rejected that whole culture a long time ago, and fuck if this doesn't bring back all of the reasons why. The more I learned about how real people had relationships, and started seeing how NOT unhappy they were, the more I started to doubt. And, really, I was never super comfortable with a lot of elements. I never signed a True Love Waits pledge, because I found it weird and kind of creepy, though I couldn't put my finger on why. Since then, I've done a lot of reading about psychology and relationships and sex in the real world, and come to the conclusion that the culture I grew up in was batshit fucking crazy. But damn if it doesn't stick to you. No wonder I'm so crazy. This is more like 50 Shades than I think even you realized. Because it comes out of a culture that says marriage is forever. That shelters women from knowing about or valuing their bodies. That teaches submission as a virtue. I read book that told me that my body is the PROPERTY of my future husband, and I have a duty to keep it pure until, essentially, he takes possession. And here's the really sad part: this movie is going to be considered to be too liberal by some people. They're going to look at how forward she is and be scandalized. They're going to notice, like you did, that the young couple put themselves in the path of temptation more than once. There is at least one person who watched this movie and thought he was too good for her. Ugh. Brad, if you want a movie with the same theme that is EVEN CREEPIER, there's a film called Pamela's Prayer. It's made by the Christiano Brothers, who also made Unidentified (the movie about how aliens are actually demons), and Time Changer (the movie about how everything would be great if it was more like the 18th century). That one could be reedited with very little effort into a horror movie about the dad killing and dismembering any boys who liked his daughter. As far as the Evangelical culture I grew up in was concerned, Pamela's Prayer is a picture of the absolute, 100% best, most ideal relationship that a young man and woman could possibly have. Pamela makes some mistakes, and that's less than ideal, but her relationship with her future spouse is unrivaled perfection. I didn't see the movie growing up, but it's really close to what a lot of people I knew felt was the unreachable ideal of romance. And if you thought Old Fashioned was fucked up, I promise you'll think Pamela's Prayer is worse.

[@little_caro_lamb]

+Naomi Washburn Wow, a film about how things should be as they were in the 18th century. I take it they never heard of a fellow called the Marquis de Sade.

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

+Naomi Washburn As someone who also grew up being taught such things about relationships, I say... I'm sorry. Even we weren't taught some of the tripe the guy in Old Fashioned talks about, though (unless you were, in which case, feel free to correct me. And shame me for my ignorance. I will be okay with that). I mean, true, maintaining purity and a good testimony were drilled into us, but the level at which he insists on it, by FORCING HER OUT OF THE HOUSE SO HIS CONSCIENCE CAN BE "CLEAR" (which would probably hurt his testimony way more than just going into the house to repair her appliances while she, say, stays in her bedroom with the door closed or something) is just insanely absurd. And the part where he quite clearly mistakes "date" for "one-night-stand" ... just painful, and painful that his view is portrayed as the "correct" one... And you're right, there are people who will view this as being too liberal... wondering why this guy even wastes his time being in the same town as a woman being proactive, or who has had previous relationships... or why the guy bothers being friends with those other two clearly non-Christian guys (granted, I wonder that as well, but for entirely different reasons)... And thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts with us. It really opened eyes to the fact that these sorts of things, and worse, are very real and are being taught all over today. May the Lord bless you.

[@elizabethisbell4072]

Naomi Washburn. Hun, I totally understand. I was brought up in the same culture. Movies like this drive me crazy! I'd rather watch Doctor Who, Harry Potter or Star Wars!

[@nannaleifa]

You mean Christiano brothers who made 'A Matter of Faith', an anti-evolution movie? That movie was batshit insane it's hilarious. Let's just say in any other genre the 'protagonist' would be considered moronic strawman at best.

[@andrewollmann304]

As a Christian myself, thank you for sharing your story. Chrstianity needs to be called out for its weird issues with dating and sex, especially when the emotional development of teens and yound adults is considered.

[@E1gh188]

Dude! This isn't your party, SIT DOWN, AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!! - best line ever

[@agentleman4610]

Tom Blunden Best line most unrealistic scene ever. If someone like Clay crashed a party like that there is 0 chance he'd walk out of there without a broken nose and you know the stripper would be going back up there to do her job.

[@pizzaface4213]

Tom Blunden - there's also, "Fix my GOD DAMN STOVE, or I'll REPORT you to the GOD DAMN HOUSING DEPARTMENT!"

[@Jarod-vg9wq]

Tom Blunden and my seconded favourite line from this film.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

92 minutes of applause for Snob.

[@mrmonty86]

I wish they were a remix of him saying that because that's awesome.

[@belias360]

I love how they say "chivalry makes a comeback" but his first interaction with her, he leaves her out in the cold and threatens to raise her rent if she opens the door. Wow...

[@EbonyPenmarks]

I think this film would scare my grandmother. She told me no pastor should be afraid of being in the same room with a woman. If he does, he has no discipline.

[@CountessChuchoteur]

Wow, so I had a really random but eye-opening dream last night. I was Amber and I was with Clay as he was trying to do righteous 'Christian' things, like helping a family whose car broke down by SITTING DOWN AND TALKING WITH THEM ABOUT GOD. All I kept thinking was, 'Ugh, I can't believe I tolerate this guy. Well, it's not like I could do any better, so I'll suck it up and keep smiling.' Now I understand the real reason why Amber stays with Clay. She was so broken down by her ex's abuse that she believes Clay is the best she can do. :(

[@Kaiyzkayzi]

The main character looks a good fifteen-to-twenty years older than his love interest.

[@TheBonkleFox]

Well they did say this is "old fashioned"

[@drgamenstein3032]

Why do these christian movies all play out like an episode of Criminal Minds where they forgot to film the BAU?

[@michaellovely6601]

This is why I hate "Old Fashioned" and love "The Bridges of Madison County." In addition; "The Bridges of Madison County" has Meryl Streep as the leading lady. If a movie has Meryl Streep as the leading lady you know that it's bound to be a success.

[@riseuplight]

They should re-release this as a drama: the protagonist has severe intimacy issues with controlling behavior and a tendency for verbal and mental abuse. The last half involves the woman trying to escape the horrible life she thought would bring her joy.

[@NathanGatten]

Plot twist. Clay is the anti-christ.

[@p.z.arnott2329]

If they threw that in the movie, it would make the movie more tolerable.

[@Falstaff85]

No then he'd be charming

[@augustwest5356]

i can see that happening.

[@Egalitariat-likesecretariat]

Nathan Gatten Shit, if this movie violently shifted tone at the start of the second act and turned into a fire-and-brimstone religious thriller with Clay as the mind-controlling son of the Devil, it would explain SO MUCH. All that weird characterization? Explained. All that creepy shit? Justified.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

Clau is Nyarlatothep

[@joshuaokoro-sokoh2993]

A woman who fled from a physical abusive relationship, lands on an emotionally abusive one, it's almost like it's trying to portray that women who suffer abusive relationships are doomed to seek those kinds of relationships, which makes this a pretty dark film.

[@shonuffdamasta3791]

Clay makes Tommy Wiseau look like Brad Pitt.

[@awsumpossum1]

Vincent Malven anyway how is your sex life

[@IronPiedmont]

+Nick Jermichalesactionjackson Or lack there of.

[@retroAGEfan]

+Dutch_Atlantic_13 the lack of is good, so i can stay closer to god.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

He looks like Brad Pitt with Justin Bieber hair.

[@andrewollmann304]

Nick Jermichalesactionjackson Read “The Disaster Artist” and then you might rethink that statement. From everything Greg Sestero said, Tommy created a histile work environment on the set.

[@danwilliams1989]

Clay makes Anakin Skywalker from the prequels look like Casanova.

[@HylianFox3]

At least when Anakin said he hated sand, you felt that hatred.

[@drakeredwingofficial]

or Orson Welles

[@anarchomando7707]

@@drakeredwingofficial bright side is anakin doing it led to a death star and darth Vader

[@drakeredwingofficial]

@@anarchomando7707 I guess XD

[@ianmcmurchie6636]

Others may have said this below but I really don't understand the "I believe in the old fashioned relationship" my answer is that I am "Very old fashioned" in reference to Roman sexuality, if you read roman graffiti you know what I mean. But seriously there is no era in history where any society was as prudish as Clay.

[@mastermarkus5307]

Even if you're going from the Bible, then "old fashioned" is one man and however many wives he wants, or if you're thinking like Jesus, just _don't get married_, he and his disciples weren't fans of it.

[@ianmcmurchie6636]

I concur, tisk tisk, fundamentalists these days are ever so misguided.

[@frenchfriedrenaissancebaby6140]

Even the Amish would think Clay is too uptight

[@lucyskyler21]

The Puritans would probably disagree with that

[@blixer8384]

The Puritans would tell Clay to lighten up.

[@Geospasmic]

This guy is a DAMAGED guy. I don't know what his problem was- maybe sex addiction- but it was so bad it drove him to take an extreme opposite lifestyle, like a rock-bottom alcoholic staying away from any opportunity to drink. This should make him sad and sympathetic, but like you say his demeanor is creepy and calling him "old fashioned" and "chivalrous" is dishonest. People didn't used to act this way in better times, this is crazy medieval self-punishing monk shit. Whatever, it's his bag, but he has to constantly push it on other people because he thinks everybody is as perverted as he is. If this guy really can't trust himself alone with a woman, he's got real problems that won't vo away when he gets married, and any woman who finds him quaint and charming is also dealing with serious issues, as she will alway be following his manual for proper wife behavior. I don't even want to think about what book he's going to pull out on their wedding night.

[@mastermarkus5307]

+Geospasmic Speaking of self-punishing monk shit, I'm kind of shocked that Clay didn't have a self-flagellation scene.

[@alchemicmercury]

@@mastermarkus5307 no because that would risk being "hot". Or ya know, catholic because of opas dei.

[@marianotorrespico2975]

HE SHALL PULL OUT A LAW BOOK. | Before consummating "the marriage", the patriarchal creep shall present the bride with a pre-nuptial agreement granting him exclusive ownership of the children and ALL JOINT PROPERTY, and, at divorce time, he will shut down his business and work for somebody else, to reduce his financial his LIABILITY.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

Why couldn't he be a badass flagellant of Sigmar?

[@HouseCatTV]

How can he possibly spend his life evading being one of two people in a room? That's not old fashioned, that's deranged.

[@HouseCatTV]

+Jeffrey Kolodziej exactly!

[@HouseCatTV]

+Jeffrey Kolodziej exactly!

[@namebrandmason]

+Jeffrey Kolodziej That is exactly what I wanted to know!

[@alucardyoici]

+Natalie Kirk murder, lots and lots of murder

[@koushiro86]

+alucardyoici He's got plenty of wood, and he's building YOUR COFFIN. The Carpenter Fall 2017

[@cannedcream]

Norman Bates would find this guy creepy!

[@jostockton.]

cannedcream I... really doubt that considering he's detached from reality but I know you just really thirst for Likes and said the first thing that popped into your head.

[@15oClock]

Norman enters a room with Clay in it, hears one word outta his mouth, says "My mommy doesn't like you," and that mossy carpenter doesn't see the next sunrise.

[@mrcritical6751]

Clay could kill Norman in seconds Clay is clearly some kind of high functioning sociopath with repressed rage issues

[@codiak2680]

@@mrcritical6751 Patrick Bateman probably checks his closet and under the bed for Clay every night before sleeping.

[@Shenaldrac]

The most hilarious part of all this is that the stuff Clay's saying he wants, isn't unreasonable. Wanting to actually get to know the person he's dating, find out about them and have them learn about him, having a relationship that's more than skin deep, that's good stuff. It's just that he's a complete psycho moron. And when he agrees to try dating, the way in which he goes about learning about her is so mechanical and clinical, reading questions from a book rather than through natural conversation.

[@odinoco]

In hindsight, the Snob predicted 2016 going to suck

[@OdaSwifteye]

This year took no prisoners.

[@ColeVecsion]

and my cat died this year, fuck 2016

[@jerrymill5387]

Charlie Odinoco This was just the beginning. Bill Murray, Morgan freeman, Harrison ford etc. There all gonna go soon.

[@TheBattlesword]

Charlie Odinoco every year is gonna be worse then the last: more politics, more death

[@royalfoil5413]

@@TheBattlesword you can say that again

[@Moonbeam143]

I'm pretty sure the people who write these movies aren't human.

[@trevorhensley3185]

Moonbeam They're Porgs.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

Porgs are more romantic than the Pure Flix guys.

[@Jarod-vg9wq]

Worse course there not, there aliens trying to integrate into society And failing. But there getting better.

[@squashedshibber2684]

"you're nothing but a womb on legs to me" "HOW ROMANTIC!!"

[@declanhandley-byrne4335]

The amount of incel energy from Clay could power a small country for a year

[@skullguy8504]

I thought this movie was over the top. Then I found out Mike Pence won't be alone in a room with a woman that's not his wife.

[@dryfirexx]

I honestly agree with pence doing that, he has a lot of power and thus a lot to lose from potentially false allegations, I mean the current PM of Canada got massive flak for just accidentally touching a woman with his elbow while letting a guy into the building that the woman and her friend were trying to block out. Most people didn't even see anything happen but jumped to the woman's side immediately because that is what people do. I am not sure if you are aware but almost any woman can permanently damage almost any mans reputation beyond repair with little effort and protecting yourself from that isn't misogyny in the same way a woman carrying pepper spray because she is afraid isn't misandry.

[@blixer8384]

That attitude actually is “Old Fashioned” back in the 19th century Britain it was against the law for a shop keeper to be alone in a shop with a woman. The 40 Elephants Gang would take advantage of this to rob store owners blind during sports events.

[@LiveNiceness14]

Durango Savage Wife? You mean his mother? Seriously Pence is like a even worse psycho than Norman Bates.

[@xRaiofSunshine]

scitechian *infinite facepalms*

[@Quadronnn]

@ICryWhenIPee That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. When actual, factual accusations of assault don't cause the men responsible to lose anything, what the hell are false accusations going to do? A man can be accused of raping multiple women, and end up being elected the president of the United States. I'm not familiar with the case you referred to, but what happened to the guy? Was he removed from his position as prime minister for what he did? Did his friends and family disown him? What concrete harm did this "false" accusation cause him? False accusations of assault are no more common than false accusations of any other crime. Do you also protect yourself from false accusations of bank robbery by refusing to go into banks? How about false accusations of auto theft, do you make sure to never step inside a car? If you seriously think it's a good idea to make sure to never be alone with a woman because you're afraid of being accused of assaulting her, but don't barricade yourself inside your house to avoid being falsely accused of all other possible crimes (because, again, fraudulent accusations of sexual or physical violations are no more common than similarly fake accusations of other crimes), then you obviously think women pose a greater threat to men than anyone or anything else in this regard. I don't think there is a word more apt to describe that sort of attitude than misogyny. None of this is to say that you shouldn't continue avoiding women. On the contrary, you absolutely shouldn't go anywhere near any woman, like, ever.

[@ColeYote]

This must be the least romantic romance movie ever made.

[@DinosaurFan88]

It's pretty sad when you're an introvert and you still know more about dating than the people in this movie... Also, on that note WHAT THE FUCK DOES THE DEATH PENALTY HAVE TO DO WITH RELATIONSHIPS?!

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

+DinosaurFan88 It's a huge stretch, and is something that should be discussed farther down the road than the first date (flipping idiots...), but death penalty is an important issue that can cause some degree of strife in a relationship if the couple don't have similar views on it.

[@Revealingstorm.]

+TMonager High somehow I doubt that. Unless your a person who can't stand when other people have different opinions than you.

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

Alex Marko It's definitely not one of the biggest issues to consider, that much I agree on. But (warning: probably stretching a bit here) one's views on the death penalty can reflect a whole host of other personal beliefs. Compatibility includes similar political and religious views (especially vital among Christians, which Clay here supposedly is). Someone else having a different opinion than you isn't wrong per se, but if you're going to be with someone for the rest of your life, then it would help a LOT to ensure that arguments won't arise from such things as whether you agree that some train-bombing terrorist should be executed or not. And it is even more important if a couple plans on having children, because parent's beliefs often rub off on the kids (definitely not always, but often), and dissent on such topics can potentially cause several kinds of issues, like kids disliking one parent because they agree with the other more, or being confused because they're hearing two differing views from two major, trusted sources. So, yeah... far from the most important of topics, but an important one, nonetheless. (By the by, Clay did it wrong concerning the use of book as well. Those sorts of books are usually meant for pre-marriage counseling, or just for serious topics to consider after the two have been going out for a long time and are considering a more serious relationship; they aren't meant for beginners.)

[@billjacobs521]

+TMonager High I can agree with you that a variety of important topics not directly applicable to everyday life can cause strife in a long term relationship. But the death penalty is like the 4938th thing on that list. How to deal with terrorism in general and what kind of taxes we should have and how to deal with the black lives matter/police brutality issues, these I can see, but whether to have the death penalty or life in prison is really a small separation and only pertinent to a tiny fraction of people. Even the indirect impact is slight, unlike a trillion-dollar war or regulations that affect the entire economy. It's really a silly thing to worry about; I've fought with partners over some ideas, but that would never be one to get worked up over, unless you have issues.

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

Bill Jacobs I see what you mean, and agree with it. There are definitely far bigger issues than death penalty to agree on. (Correct me if I'm wrong on this, but) I guess we can also agree that the makers of this movie are WAY behind the times if they think treating relationships like homework assignments is fine, treating women like baby makers works, and agreement on the death penalty is a major relationship factor (again, there are far bigger things to worry about, especially nowadays).

[@heebiejeebies4625]

Looks like something that'd be on the hallmark channel, except 1000 times worse.

[@JulioCCruz]

This looks like something the Hallmark Channel would put at 3AM out of obligation, and then never aired again.

[@dukespubber741]

+Nikolai Belinski Actually, looking at Hallmark's schedule on their website, most of their channel is made up of syndicated reruns. Golden Girls, Frasier, Cheers, I Love Lucy, and Little House on the Prairie. And their original shows include a poor man's version of No Ordinary Family, Tim Allen's Last Man Standing, and a DIY show called Home and Family. They apparently also have a show called When Calls the Heart about Victorian-era women working as miners and another show called Good Witch where a young witch and her daughter hypnotize the good-looking guy next door and his son before taking over the town. It's apparently a romantic drama.

[@sketchywolfgrl9564]

+Duke Spubber You know a movie's bad when Hallmark doesn't want to touch it since they made little "gems" like 'The Christmas Shoes'

[@ALitleBitSpecial]

+Nikolai Belinski also love how pure the pure the movie is but the tittle is a double entendre (a old fashioned being slang for a handjob)

[@augustwest5356]

haha!!! that's what I was thinking. Hallmark will definitely be rerunning this trash 3 times a day in no time.

[@Zarastro54]

It's weird how totally obsessed Amber was with this doorknob of a guy. It's like they forgot to write in the charm or chemistry that would even attract her to him in the first place, let alone pursue this creepy, reclusive Puritan so vigorously. Like it was so sad seeing how one sided this whole affair was. Clay treated her very poorly the entire time, and through that book, clearly mainly viewed Amber through her functionality as a good spouse, and not really an emotional partner, AND he even kiss dodges her during *his marriage proposal.* Ironically, this movie makes a statement on how people in toxic/abusive relationships often seek out more toxic relationships, even if unintentionally. Think about it: Amber bounced from her hand breaking ex, to antisocial stick-in-the mud control freak Clay, to almost the town misogynist! It's a shame that people seem to find this "cute" or "endearing."

[@SALshaNoma]

This has become my comfort episode. Everytime I'm having a bad day I put this one and War Room on. Always make me feel better. Thanks Brad.

[@kayhaven4710]

Kirk Cameron Saving Christmas is my favorite episode. 🤗🤗🤗

[@TheSaltyLibrarian]

I just realized that the plot of this movie is actually really similar to books like Venus In Furs or Naomi. It's about a man who tries to purge himself of obsessive desire, so he finds a woman and sets about crafting her into his fantasy version of what he wants in a partner. In those books, since they were about masochism and hedonism, it involved a lot of shit about whipping and domination and control. Usually the man would demand that this woman he found act a specific way even when she felt it wasn't how she really was. This is just the pseudo-Christian version of that! Clay has a completely distorted view of sex and he forces Amber train herself to be an ideal mother and some kind of chastity symbol so he can have everything he needs. I think that's what makes it so disturbing. Because usually in those novels the second half would turn around and the fantasy woman would start controlling him as punishment for being a manipulative pervert. In this one, they forgot the second half! I want a sequel where they're married and Amber suddenly starts forcing him to stay in the room with her at all times, force him to impregnate her several times, and just turns the ideal pious wife into a freakish nightmare. At least then it would be fucked up on purpose and we'd get to have an entire movie watching Clay suffer!

[@mitchellsanchez6385]

Oh boy! This is the beginning of the Snob's christploitation era :D

[@mitchellsanchez6385]

+J.K. Nicholson nah, I'm pretty sure I've heard the snob use the term before

[@MenwithHill]

+Mitchell Sanchez : Christsploitation sounds about right for movies whose Christianship is the only selling point.

[@RevanChist100]

+MenwithHill I like the term Faithsploitation

[@MenwithHill]

Adam Dupes Sounds better indeed.

[@JustinSimpson]

I'm all for that. Bring on Christploitation era Snob!

[@christinawilkephillips7684]

I grew up in church, I was brought up this way, and that marriages are meant to be unhappy, but you have to stay in them, I wasnt allowed out of the house, I wasn't allowed to go to school even tho my brothers did, because boys couldn't "control" themselves, lucky I had a brain and got the fuck out of there, indulged in drug sex, and life, made mistakes but no regrets, couldn't be happier with my fiance! this movie makes me angry....!

[@elizabethsmith7224]

Christina Phillips I'm so sorry that happened to you, I'm a Christian. You did the right thing. The god I believe in would never want thouse things to happen to anyone. I hope you stay safe, and that you're life is going a lot better.

[@AlexRN]

As a born and raised devout Catholic I’m always baffled by stories like yours. I consider Catholicism in general very conservative but, man, when I hear testimonies from American Christians like yours it makes Catholics sound like Woodstock Festival in comparison. I’m sorry you had to live through that.

[@anikmonette2140]

@@AlexRN Me too. I was sheltered but not in a way that I can compare to this. This sucks!

[@RequiemNocturne1]

If the guy from the Bates Motel dated it would be this movie.

[@alucardyoici]

+Godhand no there is a tv series that shows that he has more game than that

[@frenchfriedrenaissancebaby6140]

No, because he was willing to be alone in a room with a woman--a naked woman, no less!

[@talkinghoorse6936]

Trevor from GTA V is more romantic than Clay.

[@mastermarkus5307]

Also, on a simpler subject, more fuckable, in all ways, if you don't mind me saying.

[@lucasbaum2228]

good job sir

[@Egalitariat-likesecretariat]

Odin Dark Holy shit. You're not wrong. And that's terrible.

[@xj0462]

GTA V is also better then old fashioned, and i dont even really like GTA much!

[@heartofgoldenglass7723]

Any GTA hero, villain or side character would be WAY more romantic than Clay.

[@anjetto1]

"Do you believe in the death penalty" is badly phrased. The death penalty exists. You have to believe in a thing that exists. It should be "Do you agree with the death penalty."

[@MrSTVR]

Who the fuck greenlit the origin story for Ned Flanders?

[@starwarsnerd100]

+MrSTVR To be fair, as prudish as Ned Flanders is, you could tell he didn't just see his wife as a baby making machine, and he didn't come across like a serial killer. (Well, except that one Halloween episode.)

[@starwarsnerd100]

***** no shit

[@PaceBreaker]

+MrSTVR You have no idea how much I cracked up reading that.

[@timafterdark3759]

Ned's wedding night was getting turned on by his wife buttoning up her shirt. No joke that's a scene of the episode when younger Homer and Marge wanted to make out only to be next door to younger Ned and his wife!

[@redvelvetunderground]

+MrSTVR no way, ned flanders was actually a kind and considerate dude. this clay guy just sounds like a fucking murderer.

[@DanaTheInsane]

I love how he thinks thoroughly reading the Bible makes you STOP mocking it. In most cases its how you start. I need to keep a copy of this movie to hand to people who ask me why I'm an atheist. It would be a great time saver.

[@maledikt]

+Darran Kern "he is basically like the first 80s action hero and first blacksploitation film all rolled into one" But he doesn't have a boom mike show up. He is missing a characteristic trait!

[@MrWilson812]

+Tak Wolf The irony is that the bible doesn't say anything against men cheating on their wives or girlfriends and it condones concubines. There's not much reason he would have to stop cheating.

[@megadrivesonic]

+Corvidae wait really. where in the bible does it say that? I gotta see this.

[@MrWilson812]

+Dkunz Cartoons 2 Samuel 5: 12 -13 " And David knew that the Lord had established him king over Israel, and that he had exalted his kingdom for the sake of his people Israel. Meanwhile David took more concubines and wives from Jerusalem, after he came from Hebron; and more sons and daughters were born to David" Genesis 25: 5-6 "Abraham gave all he had to Isaac. But to the sons of his concubines Abraham gave gifts, and while he was still living he sent them away from his son Isaac, eastward to the east country." Also, Solomon had 300 concubines and 700 wives.

[@megadrivesonic]

Corvidae wow, people just glance over those ones or just dismiss them saying their outdated.

[@Wild_Card69]

"Finally, I thought the old bag would never kick off." What the hell?! Is he a sociopath?!

[@funnyvideosRawesome5]

My rules. My way. Well now it is like Fifty Shades of Grey. This is like Fifty Shades of Christianity.

[@CinnamonCari]

YES. The relationship portrayed has an S&M deal.

[@mastermarkus5307]

Not a good, healthy S&M relationship.

[@georgemouse504]

StephenKingfan555 Fifty Shades of Clay

[@michaellovely6601]

I hate "Old Fashioned" and love "The Bridges of Madison County." Despite the fact that there's a twenty-one year difference between these two movies ("Old Fashioned" was released in 2016 whereas "The Bridges of Madison County" was released in 1995); "The Bridges of Madison County" has Meryl Streep as the leading lady. If a movie has Meryl Streep as the leading lady you know that it's bound to be a hit with the fans and the critics.

[@jamesbritton635]

Fifty shades of gay.

[@kadejito1]

LMAO..."fuck this movie and fuck its how to guide on how to live alone and die alone". they should put THAT quote on the back of the DVD box.

[@Zice033]

You know what Brad, this actually made the pain of David Bowie's Death hurt a little less.

[@HyruleSwordsman94]

Would Kirk Cameron even know what to do with a cup of hot chocolate when there's ACTUALLY hot chocolate in the cup?

[@LovecraftianToenail]

See, this is what pisses me off about modern religious "art." Look at shit like Paradise Lost, like the works of CS Lewis, like the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. The kinda stuff that blows your mind. But no, the religious far right isn't interested in such feeble things as "form" or "style" or "respecting their audience enough to make something that's actually subtle and good." They want to send a message, and they don't give a damn about actually making anything worthwhile. It's offensive to me that religious people have THIS schlock as their modern religious art...and I'm an agnostic! Errr. Anyway, fantastic review as always, Brad--you tore them a well-deserved new asshole. I'm going to grumble about the pitiful state of religion somewhere else...

[@vanillabeans32087]

Amazing how Clay is supposed to be the voice decency in a sinful world, while easily being the biggest creep in town.

[@LukeZwarteVacht]

This reminds me of my grandmother. She would never allow me to be alone with a girl. Not because she was afraid I'd have sex with any girl I was alone with for more than five minutes, but because she was afraid people might gossip about me. It really sucked, just like this movie.

[@trashcatsnark]

Okay, is it just me or does it seem like the main guy is talking more softly than he should be? I don't really know how to explain, but he sounds like he's purposely doing a lower quieter voice, like he just had the sensitivity on the mics turned up for when he speaks or something. Somethings up with his voice to me and combined with his terrible monotone acting, it's creepy.

[@Goldarlives]

“Dating only teaches us to be good dates, not life partners.” But being a good date is a good skill to have in order to be a good life partner.

[@waynetech10]

Returned to this review, after watching it about 3 1/2 times before. Clay Walsh is, without a doubt, one of the most unsympathetic main characters, I've ever seen. I'm a believer, but you don't even need that foundation to know this is insane. His whole outlook makes no sense. Women are people. Occasionally, you may be alone with one. That doesn't mean you obligated to try to sleep with her. Just, in a non porno sense, service her place and leave, like any normal human being would. And he comes off as demanding, arrogant, and difficult to deal with, which is a turn off, in most areas of the world. It's beyond the point of willing suspension of disbelief that this woman would find this nonsense appealing. Love this review. Keep up the great work.

[@sigh824]

Clay's actor is....so bad. The self-satisfaction in everything he says no matter how boring and bland and absolutely flat, he has to have wrote this.

[@belias360]

He did.

[@Jarod-vg9wq]

This is the greatest romance movie of all Time, it shows exactly what NOT to do in a relationship and what to always LOOK OUT for in another person your dating.

[@dswynne]

The funny thing about the Christian view of life (romance included) is that it has very little to do with the actual source material: the Bible. In fact, if you actually made a film based on the Bible, and not scrubbed by modern-day interpretation, you'd be lucky enough to not get an "R" rating. In fact, you will get criticism from Christian and Jewish fundamentalists, even though the would-be film-maker lifted from the source material word-for-word. These same critics would focus on what the film-maker did "wrong", rather than see whether or not the message behind the Biblical text had been translated onto film at all. Ultimately, and the reason why I don't consider myself "religious" anymore is because Christianity, and other religions for that matter, has become nothing more than a straight-jacket for individualism to point of paralyzing one's self, which makes an unfulfilling and unhappy existence. I say this because this film is an example of that. The main character has so much self-guilt and self-loathing that he needs others to embrace his way of thinking in order to prevent himself from slipping back into his old ways. I'm surprise that the guy has friends, let alone have someone interested in him. And, in the end, this film does a disservice to the message itself: a relationship doesn't have to be built on "lust", but on love and respect. The main character didn't respect his love interest, nor do I see any hints that he cared about her. He just came off as creepy and weird, which made, ironically, a poor example of how a Christian bachelor should behave on the dating scene. Ugh. If anything, an example of a "proper" old fashioned romance would be something from any number of classic films from the Golden and Silver Age of cinema, like "His Girl Friday", "An Affair to Remember", "Roman Holiday", "Breakfast At Tiffany's" and others of that time. Was there sex implications in a few of them? Sure. But the focus was on the dynamic of the relationship of the primary characters, and it is in that respect the films served a much better purpose than "Old Fashioned". Again, it seems that this film's main concern was about avoiding lust, rather than finding love in a ham-fisted way, and that is sad, and certainly makes for poor film-making.

[@Tareltonlives]

+dswynne David was KINKY! And Solomon was chip off the old block!

[@dswynne]

Tareltonlives Actually, David was a criminal for sending a man into battle just so that he could get with his wife. And Solomon was a womanizer. Not to say that either of these guy didn't have good qualities, but their personal lives would certainly be canon fodder for today's tabloids. I still think a movie about the events depicted in the Bible, not sanitized, would probably get an "R" rating.

[@Tareltonlives]

Didn't say it romantic :) I just said it was damn steamy

[@dswynne]

Tareltonlives Oh, okay.

[@prettyevil6662000]

+dswynne To be an R rating on a Biblical film that follows the actual text, you'd have to have large swaths of it happening off screen. All the sex, incest, rape, murder, ripping babies out of the womb via sword, drowning people, people suffering plagues, bears ripping young children apart, etc. You can't usually put one of these things in a movie with the same detail the Bible does without getting an R rating. To have them all you'd be stuck with an M. Or maybe the director could finagle an R-heavily censored version and then an unrated director's cut.

[@shwahgamer]

My God. I am so glad that I've never seen this movie! I wanted to punch these characters so badly! Good God, this IS worse than the Twilight movies! At least you can laugh at those! This just made me freaking angry!

[@insulttothehumanrace3807]

+Shwah Gamers I'd say this was worse than Twilight as well, as, unlike Twilight, this movie was made with the purpose of saying "This is the RIGHT way to date and handle relationships!", but is such a misguided, demeaning, outdated, and overall terrible piece of tripe...

[@DrGregoryHouseIT]

A cabin in the woods as a perfect honeymoon? With or without the Necronomicon Ex Mortis?

[@zoazede2098]

Gregory House with it* if not the honeymoon would not be complete

[@Lord_Veren413]

Now when does Ash become involved

[@austinpersing3132]

It depends do I have to read out loud from it?

[@Enethelia]

"I hate 2016 already". Oh, past Snob, if only you knew...

[@JasonSanders]

Brad Jones used to be a dj?

[@SamAronow]

Jason Sanders He also apparently directed a porno. He's like the media equivalent of Kirk from Gilmore Girls.

[@Ratciclefan]

Jason Sanders really? I thought the joke was just that he's also called Brad.

[@nathanclark2424]

Jason Sanders I hated it after him, but only when I started to realize it was going even farther downhill

[@nathanclark2424]

Jason Sanders oh ffs, sorry, wrong comment chain

[@michellewarns2778]

Sam Huddy That is probably 1 of the reasons why he likes to reviews of stupid porns.

[@Derek_Smallshorts]

I love the way everyone in this film acts so bad, they accidentally look like they're in a Stanley Kubrick film after he's put them through 180 takes to purposely make them look like an off-kilter psychopath. ...Um, also, isn't the leading man's idea of a perfect honeymoon the plot of Antichrist?

[@kayleighbrown459]

Does...does this movie not realise that just because a guy doesn't want to have sex right away, doesn't make him chivalrous. Like he's still controlling and possessive. He still treats his girl like crap. Only in 50 shades that's the entire point. It's kinda like those old kids shows that end up being creepy as hell. The fact that they were trying to make something genuine gives us a look into the mindset of the person that made it and... It's creepy. Very creepy. .... Honestly if I were he I'd opt for Brad.

[@Pizzaguy975]

Kayleigh Brown you mean like that Different Strokes episode with that Pedofile character which is ironic because literally almost everyone who was in the show are dead and somehow theirs a quote on the episode "I got a pizza in the oven" so that pizzagate shit had some truth to it watch it man creepy ASF .

[@Barnowl65]

The bachelor party scene makes me so angry for the same reasons. He does know there are male strippers too, right? They probably had one at the bachelorette party! God, I hate Clay so much!

[@mrmonty86]

I believe Clay would be comfortable with a male stripper.

[@jacksullivan4741]

Now i want Amber too get together with her red head friend

[@morganrayhessstudios6586]

Yes. Please. Let's see THAT movie, *please*.

[@BabysitterSky]

"I hate 2016 already" *2020 and 2021 have joined chat*

[@melissalayson7275]

2021 aside from the insurrection on January 6th wasn't that bad of a year in my opinion. I do agree that 2020 was a bad year.