Old Man Henderson Director's Cut Part 1

[@weaponizedpizza8825]

I love how henderson defeated the GM of bullshit random deaths by being even more bullshit and random. And henderson also kills the party before the GM can and that's wonderful.

[@Disatiere]

If only it was real, that'd be great

[@danielcolon979]

@@Disatiere What makes you think it's fake? What proof do you have?

[@Disatiere]

@@danielcolon979 For example the part where he says his friend wrote perfect german despite not knowing more than 2 german words. This does not require a rocket scientist.

[@ineednochannelyoutube5384]

@@Disatiere Three independent sources confirm it. There is nothing blatantly impossible in the story. Its not exactly impossible to translate from english to german with no experience.

[@Disatiere]

@@ineednochannelyoutube5384 It's imposssible to translate an entire page from english to german with no experiene in doing so. Also no, three independent sources do not confirm it, 3 allegedly different sources who allegedly aren't conspiring tell the story. I mean fuck by your logic dragons are real because of how many sources confirm they exist. If it took no experience to translate it wouldnt be a fucking job you dont just learn a new language in a snap. Especially not when they are structurally different with concepts that dont exist in both languages. Sincerely, Someone who is fluent in english and german.

[@cheesewizard3965]

*you cannot drive mad that which is already insane*

[@TheCorrodedMan]

Cheese Wizard MUCKLE DARM CULT

[@ineednochannelyoutube5384]

Henderson is the twisting terror the Elder gods fear toconcieve of.

[@nvfury13]

Why I’ll never go insane. All hail my lord, Sheogorath!

[@darrvenomfier790]

no but you can drive it deeper into the murky depths, or just maybe slowly drag it back from that black sea with no end, there are worse things than madness and death my friend and i can show them to you if you wish.

[@samlevy9897]

@@nvfury13 Plot twist: Henderson was the avatar of Sheogorath

[@LadyRavenEyes]

"a tome of madness" this is how writing feels when you look at a paper and ask "did i write that?"

[@satibel]

for having worked with someone who writes his code on paper, legacy code can be considered that too.

[@Rhyusfox]

COBOL... shifting script of utter madness... where a missing period causes the whole damn thing to break, and woe to the coder who wrote it if they need find the cursed thing to restore it its proper place.

[@redstonecasey4713]

You haven't seen my cheat sheets. When the teacher says "you may use one sheet", I make that sheet INSANE.

[@-Siculus-Hort-]

yes.

[@thequalitycomedian7842]

I love the fact he says “The GM didn’t know what Henderson *_IS_* That is the most accurate statement I can imagine because that... thing is no man... He’s a god

[@Green-Raccoon777]

Old Man Henderson is the god all Chaotic Neutral characters secretly worship.

[@thepineappelope6018]

Dude he asks god if he wants to hit a blunt on a daily baisis

[@NoBody-bx4cp]

I fear no man... But that THING... It scares me.

[@TarsonTalon]

How to sum up Old Man Henderson in one sentence: Take the entire playable TF2 cast...put them all into one man...and make drunk Demoman the dominate personality.

[@aj_the_infamous1013]

no no no, demo is the main personality but medic is the co pilot sometimes yanking the madness into the direction of derailment

[@aldar8240]

actually, I'd say it's about equal. except Spy, he got eaten.

[@wildcardjoey4776]

@@aldar8240 nah Spy is Simon

[@aldar8240]

@@wildcardjoey4776 good point. so yeah, every single tf2 member runs a different part of henderson's mind, except simon who somehow separated himself from the main body and became a different person

[@jackmack4181]

@@aldar8240 like all of the mercenaries reenact inside out but instead of emotions it’s just demoman, soldier, medic and engineer fighting over the controls

[@ThatRandomEncounterGuy]

The more I hear about Old Man Henderson, the more I want to know. We gotta get an Old Man Henderson movie (or, like, a Netflix miniseries)!

[@noneofyourbusiness2437]

No one could do it justice.

[@kenfrmcape2355]

Johnathan Banks as Old Man Henderson.

[@ShadwSonic]

I remember first reading this story... Who thought that a meme about "where's mah gnomes" would have such entertaining roots?

[@oddluck4180]

This man would make even Cthulhu afraid.

[@ineednochannelyoutube5384]

Considering he killed fucking Narnyalhothep, top dog of the Lovecraft Pantheon right below Azatoth, yes, Cthulu would be afraid.

[@ObsidiaBlack1]

No, he killed Hastur. He screwed over Nyarlathotep afterward, who did not appreciate the irony, and sent a small army of cultists after him. Which is like trying to put out a forest fire with the contents of an oil well.

[@johnjustjohn5866]

@TheBedrockGuru one was weakened as it was kinda limited to a human body, and then fucking annihilated it in its full form,

[@Lord_Numpty]

To be fair, he confused the hell out of an eldritch god and Cthulhu's only really their priest from what little I understand. So I think that's roughly as good, if not better.

[@darthswan685]

I love that the backstory switched to grammatically correct German when wafflehousemillionaire doesn't speak said language. almost as is he was possessed by a spirit causing him to write the backstory

[@brianlance8263]

Nah, Eldritch Gods mind-f***ing him.

[@Ixmore]

well he did say that it was always there waiting for him to give it life.

[@thepineappelope6018]

The spirt of henderson

[@maskedStranger999]

Fey Mood

[@wildhunter939]

The actual spirit of old man Henderson possessed Wafflehousemillionare to write his own backstory

[@mut9942]

"Like a Murlock caught in a trash campactor" ah, you have met the "War Toad." I had a friend that would make a similar sound to express impotent rage and frustration.(mostly frustration)

[@greenEntertainer.]

Every time Henderson calls his parrot's name, I can't help but think of the All Guardsman party.

[@DomyTheMad420]

"totally leveled a church with the speed and brutality of the fkin Spetznatz" NEVER fails to make me burst out in laughter. there's *alot* of great moments/jokes that make me laugh in this series but *that* one ALWAYS gets me for some dumb reason

[@yummyherbicide7296]

Old man Henderson is a an entity above the elders, even higher than they who must never wake.

[@thealiencommunicator]

If this becomes a movie, I want Steve Ogg (Trevor phillips in GTA 5) to play him.

[@johnkirsch5479]

Can he pull off the Mohawk though?

[@thealiencommunicator]

heck yeah he can.

[@KrimzonFlygon1]

Or Jeff Bridges himself. God, that would be incredible.

[@SantosAl]

Nahh, IT has to be Liam Neeson.

[@harmonicaman4782]

“I was the professor, and like 15 other characters” is such a good line.

[@Frerichs1962]

Old Man Henderson was Trevor Philips before Trevor Philips was ever made.

[@kaffykathy8729]

Way better than Trevor Philips

[@christianlecroy980]

In the name of old Man mcgugget "you can BREAK what's ALREADY BROKEN!!!"

[@krowodom5719]

Murlock caught in a trash compactor will be my ringtone.

[@Erik-pu4mj]

I lost my shit at grammatically perfect German. This is fucking fantastic.

[@mrfrosty4953]

The Dude, Hesher, Bukowski, Vonnegut, Hunter S Thompson, with a touch of Riggs from lethal weapon = Henderson

[@pretzelbomb6105]

Add Jack Daniels, Pure THC, and stir thoroughly inside of a lawn gnome

[@karmaschampion8940]

This story is what got me into Table Top RPGs

[@BlitzkriegOmega]

I'm so glad I found this. thank you for giving a good, high-quality read of this...most insane of stories.

[@TheTaleForge]

Glad you enjoyed! I had a lot of fun making these. The rest of them (and a couple of other tales) are on the way, but a system reset threw off my schedule.

[@namkha209]

Written, Directed, German Translated, Acording to Keikaku'd by Hideo Kojima's eldritch patron.

[@DomyTheMad420]

10/10 comment

[@cameronclark1730]

Old Man Henderson reminds me of John from David Wong's John dies in the end series. At one point in the second book they mention how John even has a Credence tape stuck in his cassette player.

[@gabecole2118]

I love this. I want this to become a movie or a TV series

[@kaarpiv375]

Sweet lord, this. This is the greatest player weapon.

[@crpineo]

I really wish Waffle House Millionaire would scan and upload this backstory; I *_crave_* to read it

[@TheTaleForge]

It is no more. He burned it when he no longer needed it, lest such an eldritch object bring woe upon the unprepared.

[@youtubeviewer5198]

you know the necromonicon? same level. thats not a backstory. that a tome of eldritch lore

[@youtubeviewer5198]

you know the necromonicon? same level. thats not a backstory. that a tome of eldritch lore

[@crpineo]

@@TheTaleForge *_NOoooooo!_*

[@johnkirsch5479]

Hey, A Self Called Nowhere knows the book too. Maybe he could tell us what he remembers?

[@Rahtik]

I just read this, and man were those the most well spent 50 minutes of my week

[@notfred1233]

The whole aesthetic of Old Man Henderson's outfit speaks to me, but the fact that his wall was painted to be a beach is genuinely something genius that I plan to do some day

[@zacharysnyder2520]

Stay in character. That's the rule of life. Stay in character.

[@PRGME7]

Zachary Snyder you my friend predicted showdown bandit

[@MarkATorres1989]

This was so epic and awesome, got me back into RPG table top once again. Now if only I can find my own Old Man Henderson. Well one day hahahaha.

[@AngelDame17]

BWahahahah! I've heard of the Tale of Old Man Henderson. Having it told in Audio is Glorious

[@theexchipmunk]

I nearly pissed myself when we got to "with the speed and brutality of the fucking speznas" xD

[@HoundofOdin]

Was Henderson or the shoggoth the creature that should not be?

[@Lord_Numpty]

It's definitely _one_ of those.

[@deanholderde5959]

Both

[@ObsidiaBlack1]

Yes.

[@Ixmore]

I don't even fucking know.

[@enigmaodell6806]

All the while ‘Fortunate One’ blasts in the background.

[@Fatespinner]

Fortunate Son.

[@shadesoul4247]

I believe Soundcloud is where I found this first. Thank you so very much for this.

[@youtubeviewer5198]

quality read sir. not seen this good audiobook reading since dresden files

[@ianwarhover5390]

If anyone gets pissed enough they will always reach a zen like calm in my experience hell happened to me yesterday

[@leethemonstrous]

I love how there are some parts that are just vaguely similar to Schnitzelnazi, it feels beautiful

[@TheLuckySpades]

Schnitzelnazi was inspired by this and was essentially a slightly more serious version of Old Man Henderson, aka it wasn't a fuck you to the GM, but a "how far can we push this?" Character

[@drautomaton6010]

Why is it I can see someone making a parody of Hamilton about Old Man Henderson?

[@em6874]

His name was mo-ther-fucking Hender-son~and there's a million things he hasn't done, but just you wait, just you wait...

[@tdthedevilsrighthand712]

Someone post these lyrics lest I choke them out of someone.

[@conwaysquest6961]

Will you ever read the tale of the Tarrasque with Wizard Levels?

[@TheTaleForge]

I don't think I've heard of that one before.

[@conwaysquest6961]

It's a story about how a high-level wizard and his allies do battle with a Tarrasque... but said Tarrasque has wizard levels. It's every bit as insane as it sounds. Here's the link: 1d4chan.org/wiki/Tarrasque_with_Wizard_Levels

[@seanflanagan3940]

@@conwaysquest6961 Just read it.... HOLY SHIT BRO!

[@fire-breathingturtledragon4513]

Old Man Henderson is the product of madness.

[@KertaDrake]

Henderson is the Outer God of having enough of this shit!

[@millenniumf1138]

We really need to start a Kickstarter to make a movie of Old Man Henderson staring Jeff Bridges with the killer DM being the main antagonist.

[@estavel117]

Henderson is secretly a forgotten old god

[@nightflash4782]

did not know what to expect and was pleasantly surprised xD

[@derekdrake8706]

This is what happens when you access the akashic records while pissed drunk.

[@christianlecroy980]

I don't even care if the story is real or not it's just a darn good story

[@psychodrummer1567]

It's so crazy and unhinged that it must have happened.

[@darkersandman2328]

Raoul Duke, Hunter s Thompson .."history is hard to know, because of all the hired bullsh'it... Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run… but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.…

[@Alex_K221]

Hunter s Thompson was this universe’s version of Old Man Henderson.

[@craigkuhlman6869]

At this point, Old Man Henderson's backstory is a Mythos Tome touched by Nyharlotep (might've butchered the crawling-chaos' name).

[@diceyfox3697]

for the character's big opener: 10:09

[@rocksnrolls]

This is a good video, but WAS THERE STILL A SPECIAL?!

[@josephfitzgerald4387]

I love this

[@hamer5171]

I need to know where this guy lives hearing this shit up to 5:49 after JUST watching the boxcar joe story cause if you live in an area effected by supernatural elements involving dnd I’m moving there when I get the chance

[@timvanrijn8239]

Jesus like to play with dice

[@LainVics]

In the story " Golem " at one point rabbai Lowe is possessed by the will of yahweh, light flowing through him so he may write life into existence. Something not dissimilar happened to wafflemillionair when he wrote Mr. Hemdersons backstory

[@kevlarburrito6693]

That whole analogy about the "speed and efficiency of the Spetsnaz" did not age well ...not that it was correct to begin with... but we've long since left the realm of anything that makes sense

[@89BlackGatomon]

Subscribed ♡

[@TheRocketman217]

where is the sequal i cant find it u mensioned eli burning but i just keep finding the epaloge love your readings btw

[@bonefetcherbrimley7740]

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!-

[@srdf0]

Attitude of Kenny Rogers and Trevor Body of said Trevor Voice of Jeff Bridges

[@margohughes7074]

Plot twist holy shit

[@overlordtealover1128]

He was possessed by his grandpa

[@DwarfyDoodad]

Ehhh, I honestly paused at 5:30 because it is a made up story. Not only that, but badly made up story, that the author (not narrator) is trying to pass off as truth because CTHULHU AND MADNESS IS FUN GUISE