when mother is not "mothering": the devaluation of motherhood

[@oliSUNvia]

Go to ground.news/olisunvia for a more open-minded and critical approach to the news you consume. Subscribe though my link for 40% off unlimited access.

[@SAMSONMANSION]

You're becoming increasingly radicalized, and you need some fucking help, because the biological reality is that women are suited for motherhood and that the duties of a mother and responsibility of being a mother is so widely recognized as being intensive, rightfully so in some regardless that it scares women into not having children, when they absolutely should, this line of logic I noticed within the first 5 minutes of the video possibly indicates that you think a man can be just as much of a mother as he can a father? Which would contradict your previous statements completely.

[@SAMSONMANSION]

All of this sounds like a rationalization of why you don't want to be a mother because it's all so... difficult and scary! You have no idea, though, and sooner or later, you'll be like the other leftists feminists who are lonely sad and miserable.

[@Potent_Techmology]

isn't saying "working father" against your argument? Fathers are expected to work + be a father using black and white footage of old men saying dumb sh*t about women is like [or worse] using modern footage of women calling all men trash i love you and your content is interesting, but youre adding to identity politics not uniting us despite it

[@AdityaSingh-lp5rp]

you're right, that couple who rent a shoebox and live paycheck to paycheck should be allowed to have kids, infact they should have as many as possible after all it is good for the economy

[@SAMSONMANSION]

@oliSUNvia This entire video can be summarized as @oliSUNvia extrapolating the expectations jealousy and envy of her mother towards her onto the entirety of society's behavior she also blatantly misinterprets the conservative argument on these social issues, makes it clear her personal biases in several cases, and unironically pulls from hard left feminist literature.

[@OryxAU]

It takes a village to raise kids, we took away the village and foresaw absolutely no problem with this whatsoever.

[@auroraborealis1383]

How did we take away the village?

[@SawChaser]

​@@auroraborealis1383 Western hyper-individualism with nuclear families instead of big families supporting each other

[@ogome2927]

tbh it's not all doom and gloom some ethnic communities still have the whole village aspect with big families helping out the mothers on their journey of being a mother but i agree sadly that aspect has largely been killed off in the west as these ethnic communities have become settled in western societies with yt communities it was killed off ages ago but for ethnic communities i feel like it's recently coming to an end at least in the west and at least where i'm from in the uk idk about how it is in the usa for an example.

[@peterkerj7357]

@@ogome2927 what do you have against periods why do you think that they don't facilitate readability how is this a superior way of writing?

[@peterkerj7357]

Two people nosing in on a child is simply not enough, What if they don't conform to a social norm but happen to have parents that are okay with that particular form of non-conformity? Everyone must nose in on everyone so that that no one avoids any social pressure by pure chance.

[@matthewevans107]

Our son was born in an unplanned homebirth, with me delivering him on the living room floor with an emergency service worker on the phone. Following that I got congratulated by everyone. A single person congratulated my wife. That was the point I realised that as a father, my excelling was the bare minimum expected from a mother.

[@lyrics_m_sic]

Heart-sinking realisation

[@diegeticfridge9167]

Me when I lie

[@pal8492]

​@@diegeticfridge9167me when I'm so bitter I just can't believe a single person

[@furdude9990]

@@diegeticfridge9167 stop lying dude

[@pedroloto]

That’s deep

[@krumelguineapig5353]

To take this further, as a society we also do not value children. We see them as loud nuisances. We don't want to sit next to babies or kids on planes, see them in cafes or out in public. If children are not welcome in public, then by extension mothers aren't welcome either. It's not enough to try to value mothers but hate their children.

[@daddyno1]

i dont think its hating/ not valuing childrens. Imagine going to a movie theatre to watch a movie and a baby start crying. It annoys most of the people sitting there. But since it is a mother and a baby, most people wont be rude/ harsh. Many of us will silently tolerate this. I dont know about your place but atleast that's what happens in the place that i'll live.

[@cynabonabelle]

I notice we even subconsciously resent mothers for having loud or “misbehaving” children. We think “she must be a bad mother” just because their toddler is having a meltdown at the grocery store. When in reality, toddlers have meltdowns and hyper emotional responses to unusual stimuli. Its normal for children to not have the ability to regulate their emotions, they just got here! And not every mother has the privilege to go out and do things without having to take their child along.

[@petrairene]

We have an environment where they become loud nuisances. Children love to play out in nature. They disturb nobody when they take off in a group and build a dam at the local river or a camp at the edge ofthe forest.

[@krumelguineapig5353]

@@petrairene Fine, but by that logic, mothers are relegated to only being outdoors if the only environment a child can be is outdoors. Children are people too and they (and their parents) should be welcome in all kinds of places like restaurants, grocery stores, airplanes etc, without being met with scorn and resentment because they dare exist and not act like mini adults.

[@krumelguineapig5353]

@@cynabonabelle Agreed and unfortunately until one has kids of their own or has a lot of experience with kids they don't understand this. I am ashamed to say that I was like this too before I had my own kids and got a reality check.

[@blackicedpeas9191]

I watched the first minute of the video and I can already tell… the function of the mother has been individualised to unsustainable heights as the loss of community has meant we expect mothers to have all the features that would have normally been fulfilled by a whole village.

[@neomokori4704]

haven’t watched the video yet but to add: the rising number of single mothers and children being birthed out of wedlock just makes everything so much worse because not only are we experiencing a loss in community but also a spike in children who don’t get to live in the same house as both their mother and father who would play different AND VERY NECESSARY roles in raising a single child let alone 2, 3 or even more than 5 kids.

[@L0n3N0n3nt1ty]

As if wedlock stops fathers from leaving. Or just offing themselves like mine did. I think the issue is the social structure of trad families in general. I like to look to how the Native Americans structured their communities when it comes to "role-filling". ​@@neomokori4704

[@nbeutler1134]

Bbb but bbbb but iPhones

[@StelizaAaA]

Does this post?

[@StelizaAaA]

​@neomokori4704 testtest is it the tag part

[@Oxhhs]

I only realized recently just how much work my mum put into raising me and my brother. She had two jobs at one point and she never let us know we were struggling. She always put us first despite all the stress and was encouraging of our dreams. Since realizing this, I've been doing my best to stop her single mother tendancies and help her enjoy life and finally treat her with the respect and kindness no mans given her. Theres no way to ever pay off the effort mothers go through and I feel like people really need to understand that

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

It was her choice to have children. Everybody knows how high tve chances are to end up as a struggling single mom. She knew it and she choose it.

[@OpticalArxenal]

@@CordeliaWagner1999 Yeah there's such a thing as informed choice, and capitalism taking things to punishing extremes; it is.

[@Cloudsdrops_]

​@@CordeliaWagner1999 First of all you dont even know how or why she ended up a single mom. And what does all of that have to do with a kid wanting to make their hardworking mom happy and financially comfortable? You people are very bizarre

[@matthewguevara5297]

​@@CordeliaWagner1999 did you even watch the video LOL

[@user-ek9xr1vj3j]

@@CordeliaWagner1999Not everyone chooses to have children?? Availability to abortion care and contraception are not as easily available as you may think. Lots of people become mothers who never chose that life and have just had to make the most of it.

[@sugar.puff.]

As a European childfree woman the things going on in the US are CRAZY. Remember how people were talking about how a mother going back to work after just a month of resting doesn't affect the bond between the mom and the baby? That's insanely capitalistic. They couldn't make me have kids with the 2 year paid leaves that we have here, let alone just a MONTH??? You guys are being worked to death for real, it makes me furious. All of my respect to moms all together, you guys deserve the world. Please don't be hard on yourself and take care, you are amazing.

[@gg_ingy]

I would only have kids in the US if i had f u money. No way that you should go back to work after 1,2,3,4 months. Maybe part time, from home....after 6 months.....Absolutely wild.

[@WesSmith-v1n]

Europeans are poor and only exist because America exists. Your socialist policies for child care only exist because you don't have to spend on military spending and we Americans bear the brunt of those costs. You're welcome btw

[@CallmeOzymandias]

Yeah, there is really no point in having children in the US right now. Much smarter not to actually.

[@Sumopian]

and you are even expected to work DURING pregnancy.

[@POSSIBLYHIGH]

I will be leaving this horrible county soon! I can’t believe we have a white child toucher for a president aka trump

[@annzwold3040]

«I only gave the egg, I am not the real mother”, «I only loaned the egg, I am not the real mother”«I only raised the child, I am not the real mother” gave me chills, almost made me cry, and I don’t even want to be a mother. But that spoke to me in such a powerful way.

[@santiagoravina4057]

Very interesting video! I agree with your points and, as a man, would like to mention that motherhood is often treated as separate from fatherhood. In my opinion, it is essential that both roles be intertwined. Not only because of gender equality, but also for the wellbeing of the child. Parents are supposed to be people who love and like eachother, sharing a common life plan. Mothers and fathers should split their duties equally, being open and honest. Motherhood and fatherhood should not be treated as inherently independent qualities, but rather as two elements of a greater whole. I believe that the burden of motherhood would be much more tolerable if fathers were expected to be as present as mothers are.

[@avenged7peep958]

I entirely agree with you

[@dhaliajonson6101]

I agree 100%, the role of the mother often fall on compasion, guidence, patience and understanding. These are the qualities that a woman strengthens when she becomes a mother. How ever, for a man it is not requiered once hé becomes a father, his life just goes on as usual. In my own experience my partner at the time of my pregnancy was fully convinced hé would share the load with me 50/50, but when our daughter was born hé did not have the patience to deal with her crying, hé did not try to understand her (a newborn baby) but just got frustrated she didn't do as hé wanted, hé wanted to comfort her but the more hé rejected her the more she would get a preference to be with me. In the end i still do 90% of all the things with our Child and hé just gets to tell all his friends what an awesome kid hé has, meanwhile im burnt out by 16.00 everyday because i do the raising, the consoling, the cleaning, the worrying, the mediating, the dressing, the cooking, the playing house, the horsey rides, the talking to teachers and sooooo much moore .... i dont hate motherhood or having kids. But i do hate all these gasslighters that say motherhood is not hard, and you just have the wrong partner.

[@jenksjax]

i was raised in a "whoever is home is doing the work that needs to be done today" household and it really shaped the way that i view men and boys. i can't take them seriously if they can't handle cooking or cleaning. my dad would buy our feminine hygiene products or even yeast infection medication, because he had the car that day. i can talk with him about anything.

[@rockbandny]

Id say both my parents did the same thing, my dad would do more cooking, my mum would do more cleaning. But it was practically even.

[@izzybennet.t]

@@dhaliajonson6101 something you missed is becoming a mother doesn't inherently strengthen the above qualities, if not weakens them because of the burden an unsupported motherhood role can be. My mom absolutely did not develop those qualities, and neither did most of the women around me. I'd also argue you do have the wrong partner/you have an incompetent partner who doesn't deserve to be a father; my dad still hung out with his friends but he has always carried his weight and played an active role in my upbringing. It's upsetting to hear how a lot of women think that this is just an inherent part of being a mother; you develop the traits baby needs and your male partner continues to be incompetent. In reality, it's that mothers are unsupported and men have standards in hell, both societally and personally, and the only time we see men be better is when they personally feel like they should be, meanwhile mothers often have no choice but to be better, often to their own detriment.

[@jordiRanese923]

Shout out to my single white mother, who had to raise 2 black twin daughters. Queen did that shit my whole life and she still be doin it, even tho my grown ass is 22 she's never been unreadable and has neva eva let me down!! She gave me and my sister a good head on our shoulders and definitely raised me right (tho she would say: "the best I could). Shes honestly my best friend!! I love you Momma!!:3

[@ruhanfaruque]

W

[@chefcinnabutter]

Common Jordi Ranese's mother W

[@iam_aaa3025]

S/O Jordi Ranese's mother!!

[@Rosemary46840]

Why need the mention the race though ? Soo fing unnecessary

[@chefcinnabutter]

@Rosemary46840 because she would have to learn things that she wouldn't have to if her daughters were white. Hair care, for instance, is completely different because white people and black people typically have very different textures.

[@ingridbmangubat]

I gotta say, it's so refreshing hearing such a well written and empathetic video essay about motherhood- and coming from a young, unmarried woman! You touched on so many topics that I wish is talked about more on mainstream discussions. I honestly believe that unrealistic "perfect mom" expectations was a big part of my Postpartum depression during my first pregnancy. I realized very soon after giving birth that I actually did not like motherhood. I resented the SAHM routine. At the thick of my depression I even doubted if I really love my kids as a mother should. I believed that I was so horrible as a mom that my kids are better off without me. That my.husband deserved a better wife. So my thoughts devolved into daily s-icide ideations. I will always be grateful for how my husband stuck by me and helped me get therapy and meds. Now I'm back to myself, I realized how I could be much more gracious to myself as a mom. In my experience, a truly loving partner makes a difference in a mother's self actualization.

[@monasterycats]

😢❤❤

[@YesHelloHiGoodbye]

she claims to be feminist but wears make up and says assigned female at birth lol so much of this vid was just invalid

[@yessir68]

@@YesHelloHiGoodbyethe only thing invalid is that argument lmao

[@YesHelloHiGoodbye]

@@yessir68 u can’t be a feminist n wear make up lol the same way u can’t support sw and hijabs

[@dreamingofthemoon]

Hope ur doing better

[@sxmplyblossom8048]

Just a quick note: personally I think that what people mean by « not everyone should be mothers » means not everyone should be parents and that stands for a lot of parents who are abusive to their child and/or are struggling with large issues that makes the kid neglected. It comes from more of a thought of don’t have kids for the sake of having them if you know you can’t give them a healthy life.

[@postmental_thoughts]

the issue is when its said to people who are ostensibly doing nothing that wrong.

[@ogome2927]

@@postmental_thoughts and also when it is used in a way to cancel out mothers having children due to race, disability or other factors that's where ppl use that method of they shouldn't have children when that is wrong and discriminatory

[@matheuscabral2202]

The concept of a healthy life is very different for many people… Humanity has lots of different cultures and parameters, but obviously there is a minimum. I just think people on social media are always over reacting and most of the time the extreme points of view disseminate way easier than a common sense opinion…

[@kylekillgannon]

The problem being people use this as an excuse to continually not be "ready" because they just want to go to concerts, drink and party, or never settle down in any way because they have negative association to the term "settling"

[@nineonine9082]

100% a neglectful parent is so harmful to a child, father ditched me, mother emotionally distant and provide only the bare essentals physically, like a roof and 1 meal a day.

[@malbenita]

My own mother was crushed by conditioning of modern motherhood. She had to finish her degree with an infant child and stay with me at home for years as father was working all day long. As everyone was having their lives she was all alone. And you can’t scream at a child. You must listen to child. You need to pay attention to child. Everyone told her what she’s doing wrong: you are spoiling the kid, you are too strict, clothes too warm clothes too light, you need to do that no you need to do this, just do that, this hurts the child, start doing this, stop doing that… no matter what she did mom felt like a bad mother. Everyone was giving her advices and directions and yet she was all alone when it came to actually doing something, most times. “I felt like an appendix, like mere extension of a child, like furniture, a parenting tool” Everyone criticises women, especially mothers. But very few are up to lend them help when they are on their limit from exhaustion. My own mom seemed to be going through a long depressive episode when I was little as she did say she thought of ending it from how she couldn’t shoulder all of it no more. As I got older she broke down. She said that the moment she felt like I was old enough to reason with she couldn’t hold it no more. And as I do have psychological scars from her breakdowns I would never blame my mom for that. I blame people who did nothing to support my mom while constantly judging her and telling her how she’s failing. I blame society which has astronomic standards for mothers while putting zero to none effort into supporting them. I blame it for failing my mother, for crushing her mental and physical health into ruins. Final note: my mom never regretted having me and she describes motherhood as an amazing experience despite all hardships. She is a boss at job that she loves and is respected as a professional. But she needs medication to handle the severe consequences of the constant stress she had these past decades. She still has a lot of shame and guilt and remorse around her breakdowns traumatising me as a child. She wasn’t posting anything - know-it-all advisors can find you anywhere. At work, at playground, at dismissive doctor’s office, on public transport, at your own family or friend group. Anywhere.

[@ogome2927]

the mother isn't the problem the lack of resources and the lack of help provided to help these mothers are the problem and the massive problem when dealing with mothers so that the blame can go towards mothers as they're the easy finger to point at it's just once again a toxic sexist way of thinking which is just blame the mother for all the breakdowns when being a parent is an extremely daunting task and if we don't act out and keep the emotions within then the consequences could be even more dire.

[@Joostmhw]

A comment this long calls for a tl;dr

[@telodendront7721]

I needed this video, thank you. As a mother of two, and a doctor, I had to leave my job and 12-year career to raise my kids. I don’t regret it, it was hard at the beginning, but seeing my kids grow so well, smile and telling me that I’m the best mother in the world is an amazing feeling. I don’t need the recognition from the world, I feel that all the love I need is at home. Good is that my husband has understood very well my role at home, and helps me everytime he can.

[@Rosemary46840]

Lucky y'all can afford it most have to work and raise their kids

[@neen5691]

​@@Rosemary46840 I wouldn't use the word lucky here cz they probably had to cut off a lot of things as their expenses increased with a significant decrease of income.. they made this choice and sacrifice for their children .. that's brave and wholesome ❤️

[@lluvr00]

I'm a 22 year old single mother to a one year old. I teared uo watching this video because there isn't a topic you didn't cover that hasn't been running through my mind on a daily basis. It's so tough being in a situation I don't want to be in and constantly having others, including myself, beat me up over it constantly. I always compare myself to others and wish I could give my child more. I am trying my best to work towards my goals. It's insanely mentally, physically, emotionally and financially challenging to raise a small human being who doesn't know any better. I just wish there were more people who could at least understand.

[@chrisphil6853]

Yeah it’s tough raising a child on your own actually very tuff and at 22 it’s even harder I hope u find the strength to continue being an amazing mother.

[@ogome2927]

dw bc all of the things you're going through is just how it is for being a mother my mom for an example had 6 kids and she went through all the ups and downs dw it's perfectly fine to go through the ups and downs but as long as you can be the best mother you can be and like give your child the best upbringing they have then that's the most important thing dw you have got this don't let others think otherwise.

[@taylorbechstein1681]

I bet you're doing better than you realize❤

[@sgtsurgeon.]

screw whoever's beating you up over your situation. they just don't understand (and they probably don't care enough to try). they aren't worth your time. you don't need to compare yourself to anybody else because you're already enough. you've got this

[@gardeniainbloom812]

I was a twenty-one year old single-mother of two and felt all the things you mention. Back then there was a huge dose of social shame that came with it too. I had to sit at the back of the church and always felt my children and I were less than. I tried my best and both kids are healthy, successful, adults with their own families. However, it came at a huge cost to me and I can't say it was worth it. Good luck, keep your head up and don't sacrifice everything for the sake of the kid. Don't compare yourself to others. Believe me; you may find you do a far better job than those in the 'right' set up. My kids did far better than many of the children who came from two parent households. And put your middle finger up to anyone who doesn't understand.

[@believeroflight9888]

Nothing kills respect for mothers like consumerism and hedonism.

[@nbeutler1134]

So in a word, capitalism

[@Ag_33]

@@nbeutler1134it kills everything tbh

[@Justin-yt7pi]

@@nbeutler1134 It's those that practice usury my guy

[@erinnmackie3507]

What a BS remark..Us childfree people "heathens" have loads of respect for our mommas. We also have respect for the children we plan on not having as we are far more aware of what it takes to raise a healthy, happy child and recognize it's not for us.

[@believeroflight9888]

@@erinnmackie3507 there is difference between pity and respect.

[@miscellaneous7826]

Small thing, but I really appreciate how you blur out each child's face in each clip you show. Even if they're young enough so that they aren't identifiable, It still feels like a privacy violation when their parents are posting them online at such a young age when they cannot provide consent for being posted publicly.

[@cgarcia660]

As a mom of three, mothering in late stage capitalism, I approve this message. There is zero support for us but a plethora of judgement and expectations. It’s absolutely toxic, and I’m speaking from a body that swung back to pre baby shape. They won’t let you enjoy the dream of being a stay at home mom.

[@d011p4rtz]

this

[@MrSam2497]

How about you try to find a man who loves and supports you and not get knocked up out of wedlock and become a single mother. Your body, your choice

[@Joostmhw]

Imagine that, people expecting you to raise your kid? Crazy! It's not like there are literally thousands of lives affected by the birth of just a single person. Especially when that person is raised poorly... Dad's get a way too easy pass out of this for sure and they should be held to the same standard. But expecting that standard to lower is crazy, knowing this beforehand and having children anyway means you accept that huge responsibility. Plenty of people nowadays choose not to have children for this very reason, could have been you

[@AnnaSmith-b9p]

Just finished reading ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ and it really opened my eyes to some new ways of guiding my kids in their faith. Highly recommend it if you’re looking to strenghten your family’s spiritual life

[@bear-tan6011]

so glad my mom made me do all the chores my sister had to do since i was like 12, that way i can one day actually help my wife with chores 🙏🙏

[@dadcult]

ur mom is a real one 🙂‍↕️🫰

[@user-ny1wo1vp9r]

This might be well intentioned, but its a bit weird you're talking about 'helping' your wife with chores like they're primarily her responsibility, and you're just assisting. Why can't you do an equal share?

[@bear-tan6011]

@user-ny1wo1vp9r I grew up with kind of a deadbeat dad so when I say "helping" I mean doing literally anything in the household lmao but since I've always shared all the chores w my mom and my sisters equally I'll ofc share chores w my partner equally as well and take over the physically taxing chores. My mom suffers from so many health issues bc she single handedly worked and took care of me and my sisters so i dont want the same for my partner and children

[@bear-tan6011]

@@dadcult she was super strict but I'll be eternally thankful to her 🙏 just gotta teach her that we're all grown up now so she can relax 😭

[@gayathryrajeev7606]

@@user-ny1wo1vp9r It's funny isn't it, how ingrained the gender roles are in people's minds. Thanks to people like you pointing it out, I see them too now. It went right over my head when I read the comment initially, but you made a very good point.

[@Joshualacruz]

Work-from-home father here. I am proud to say my job allows me to help my partner out a lot. Together we're managing alright. But damn, parenting is bitter hard work. I can not imagine doing this alone. I've grown empathetic even to the parents with those "ipad kids". Those mothers that do all the tasks are on a level I can not comprehend.

[@hml25]

Would you say your male friends understand that

[@Joshualacruz]

@hml25 I'd say so. I wouldn't shut up about it in the first months. 😅 The kid is great, but Olivia did a great job at articulating my confusion on why the world insists on romanticizing the process. I'd like to gently push back against this denial.

[@raccoonenjoyer01]

​@@hml25why the hell are you so malicious

[@hml25]

@@raccoonenjoyer01 am i? In what way? Just got curious and asked

[@Photik]

​@@hml25 could have phrased it in a better way imo

[@bandanarathore]

Women should be given full information the good and the difficult aspects of pregnancy and being a woman. I have recently started searching about pregnancy and I am terrified.

[@Niveverse]

There is a difference between showing the difficult aspects of pregnancy and straight up demeaning hardworking mothers who are trying their best for their children. Most of the people and I might say mostly women on the internet are so very demeaning and passive aggressive to new mothers/women who want to become mother. One can’t even defend this argument without disclaiming ‘I don’t wanna be a mother but…”

[@bandanarathore]

@Tar1905 yes that's for sure. Rather than glamourising the 'sacrifice' of mothers, we need to educate children from young age the value of what mothers have to go through.

[@ghfgxijaorgf5393]

@@bandanarathore how do you do that when they will just laugh and not take it seriously though?

[@bandanarathore]

@@ghfgxijaorgf5393 I can't answer this as I am not a mother yet, but my mother always made us aware about the situation of our home and what parents had to do to raise children (without being negative about it) which always made me and my brothers grateful. Parents being respectful and appreciative of each other is the first step to make children educated about it.

[@cranburrey]

​@@ghfgxijaorgf5393 Not all kids would laugh though? At a young age, I already knew what motherhood was after witnessing it from my own mom who worked so hard to put me and my siblings through school and teaching us basic life skills since our father was so busy with work to even help out.

[@FrejaW]

The hyper individuality puts so much pressure on the parents which lead them to make more mistakes, plus lead the children to not having the best possible lives and seeing more perspective and having more guidance with many guiding figures. It becomes a lonely and tough world for everyone.

[@AroundMe_Ara]

I mean... It is true that some people shouldn't be mothers, people who are violent towards children or abuse them. Now, if they are feeding, dressing and taking care of their children, I think they are doing great! I can't even take care of myself... I Can't imagine having to take care of someone else

[@ilonam6820]

As a CPS worker: There are DEFINITELY people who should NOT be parents.

[@junebug3755]

And people who just don’t want kids. I’m seeing a surprising amount of comments here saying people absolutely need to have kids even if they aren’t ready or don’t want to because it’s their duty/responsibility. That is a recipe for disaster and potential abuse and neglect and just ruining multiple lives. Some people definitely shouldn’t have kids for whatever reason, but it isn’t the people who love their kids and are just struggling and trying their best as a parent.

[@AroundMe_Ara]

@@junebug3755 Agree! I have heard several times people say things like "they will change when they have a child" or "having a child will activate their love for children and their paternal instinct", but that is not true, there are people who don't like children and they shouldn't be forced to be parents.

[@UnwaveringLion]

Raising the next generation is the MOST important job in my opinion, I definitely think men and women need to come together and communicate how they are going to split up the household duties more fairly, ESPECIALLY during pregnancy and the first year of marriage, that's when men need to be the MOST available mentally and physically. Like you said, most men don't have the first clue how tough and monotonous is can be to do chores and cook, i kinda enjoy cooking, but cleaning on the hand, kind of sucks. Especially after living away from home for Uni, compared to that my Mom is an actual superhero, I don't understand how she has that much energy, she's been able to do so much for us and I don't appreciate her enough. And the stark difference between how my dad and older brother act around the house makes me cringe sometimes, like on multiple occasions, even after my mom makes dinner and cleans the house, and serves dinner to my dad, and she just sits down to eat a little bit of food, he's going to ask her to get him a fork or water, and instead i get up and grab it myself to allow my mom to sit and eat, and it's this kind of awareness that is missing, and it's really hard to teach that to a grown man once it's been ingrained. I hope the next generation of God-fearing men who actually love their mother, appreciate them by learning from the mistakes of the previous generation and treat their wives better and vice versa.

[@LibraryofAcousticMagic3240]

yeah. My father just doesn't cook if my mother is working on that day. He will just live off yoghurt or sth. It isn't that he scolds her but there's this coldness to how he acts when there is no dish to eat. Like, it's a shame I have to live like this but you know I don't need your services. I am completely fine without your work but am I not deplorable? It's a very specific and weird way to act that lacks any appreciation.

[@passiveaggresivesquirrel2052]

when my father does this, I tell him to get up of his ass and get it himself.

[@ogome2927]

yh this is true the lack of awareness by telling the mothers to do what they need to do as if they're robots it's this that acc leads to a gross overreliance on mothers where like you act like they function in action all the time with no breaks and rest bites i do have hope the next generation treats mothers in a different light and at least grow in this awareness.

[@melissaredburm9483]

My dad is also pretty bad when it comes to this. You'd think a man with 4 daughters would act a little better towards his wife but just recently he started an argument with her over her working longer hours bc, and I quote, "who's going to cook me dinner?". The lack of awareness is actually disgusting.

[@Photik]

God-fearing men? What does the Bible say about men and their wives? Actually curious and wondering. Thanks.

[@juliaboskamp9666]

It was easier to be a mother when we all lived with family/in a community, were you had your mom, grandma, aunts, sisters and friend close with you to help you with the stress of parenthood. Now we life all alone with expectations be be supermoms, but to be a supermom means you need a lot of money and lots of time, something you only have if you are rich. Motherhood isn't really about keeping your children alive and making sure they will be good people when they are adults. It's now a competision of who is the best and the richest.

[@sxmvp]

"It was easier to be a mother when we all lived with family/in a community, were you had your mom, grandma, aunts, sisters and friend close with you to help you with the stress of parenthood." Right, and the men are once again exempt from having to help? Just push the burden onto anyone who is female?

[@surajkumar-yt6qk]

4:47 "In order to justify gendered division of labour the culture must sell motherhood as a natural and essential part of womanhood." Summed up right

[@MrSam2497]

Well it kinda is, reproduction is the main purpose of life. Beings are born and those beings die, their main goal is to not be the last one alive when they die. That's how it's everywhere in animal kingdom, even with hyenas which are extremely matriarchal beings

[@charliebaker2361]

Commenting at halfway through because I just can't hold it. The way you're using different stylized personal to give multiple perspectives on a complicated and multifaceted social issue? ✨️chef's kiss✨️ Phenomenal. The transitions are also a nice, lighthearted, groovy way to segue into the next perspective. Also, I cannot wait to read that one now that I've survived that period of my life. I feel like it's going to resonate deeply.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

Motherhood is overly romanticized. It's GIOD that we kearn about the reality. The more realistic we see mothers, the better choices young women can make. Better stay childfree than falling for a lie and suffer for at least two decades.

[@postmental_thoughts]

that doesnt mean people demean others who have chosen to be parents which is a common occurrence that this video also addresses.

[@thesevenkingswelove9554]

@@postmental_thoughts no one demeans mothers... single mothers are hated mostly by men

[@carrotbo9]

@@thesevenkingswelove9554 that's.. not true. people often do demean mothers, not just men, i've seen feminists do this too. did you watch the video,....

[@postmental_thoughts]

@@thesevenkingswelove9554 theres a bunch of evidence to the contrary within the video idk

[@thesevenkingswelove9554]

@@carrotbo9 how do feminists hate mothers? most of them don't even care, if anything there was a new viral trend on tiktok to give money to mothers by slipping money slipt under the baby products. Guess which people stole those money and made fun of the mothers?. Yall wanna blame feminists for everything when its them that always ask for thr rights of women to get more childcare and things for the babies

[@brinoreeno]

The last part about the cost of raising a child is so spot on and highlights the different experiences of motherhood based on class. I was just barely not a teen mother, worked my ass off & relied heavily on others, and am now a RN. Many of my coworkers and now becoming mothers for the first time and talking about their nursery themes and spending hundreds of dollars on brand new baby items. The stroller I had for my son was one that someone had literally set out for the garbage truck to come pick up. It just needed to be cleaned. My coworkers would be appalled if they knew

[@anjali253]

i appreciate your hardwork to meet the ends for your child❤ my parents are the reason i get to comfortably finish my degree (not having to look for a job in the exact situation) i am eternally grateful and thankful for the comfort they provide me to have better opportunities...i have the same respect for you and your child will have too❤

[@masonstove]

2:15 social media does not push this type of content, we WANT this type of content. It’s all a mirror and we don’t want to accept how terrible we look.

[@ElDiariodePerséfone]

Truly. People who are chronically online just love to hate, and you can very much become addicted to all that negativity. These things are a direct reflection of our collective shadow

[@elinope4745]

Absolutely. It's just like the claim that media pushes images of attractive people. No, the consumers demand attractive people and won't watch media that doesn't feature them.

[@darkstarr984]

I think the closest to an objective measure of how well someone raised their kids is the kids are competent at fulfilling their own needs and happily have a close relationship with their parents throughout their lives. Like, if that’s what happens that means you didn’t do badly.

[@tomerlupo4577]

As a 17 year old man that was honestly eyes opening. I have a lot to think about.

[@pedroloto]

As a 24 years old man, it was quite eye opening for me too.

[@eyescansee9848]

As a 26-year-old man, it was very eye-opening too. I have a lot to think about.

[@tolor8180]

Boy*

[@lilmshavok7297]

@@tolor8180 man* he used it correctly, there was no need for refinement.

[@im_tibco]

I love the creative decisions you took while making this video, bringing multiple POVs into the discussion with their own outfit and language patterns is pure genius and makes it easier for me to digest the information given. good job!

[@MasterOfBaiter]

As someone who works full time and sometimes is just so exhausted or starved for time cause of other chores. Fuck yeah I relate to people who end up resorting to less than ideal food. If parents under the same pressures having to look not only after themselves but also after others sometimes rely on junk food that's a social tragedy not an individual failing

[@Rosemary46840]

Oh shut up if you cant feed your kids healthy food more then junk you didn't deserve to be a parent. Yea I'll just give my kid chronic illness for the future since it's convenient to me now smdh

[@FarmerClarence]

I am glad you're not a partizan hack, and you are giving a decent steelman of all of the arguments. This greatly helps to elucidate the flaws in each argument, as picking apart less sincere versions of these arguments presents flaws that weren't even in the original arguments.

[@exph0lieproph3t]

Over the past few years I've gone to unlearning all the disrespect I've been showing towards people around me, but especially my mom. She has been there for me from the start and I believe I took it for granted for almost too long. There were so many stressors around her and I continued to ignore it and now I really do regret acting so coldly against her. I feel as though a lot of people around me also take adantage of their privledges instead of appreciate it and I find it really hard to stay afloat after coming to the realisation. Anyways, this video was amazing. You never fail to intrige me with the various topics that you choose to explore. I know no matter what I would be delving into, I will come out of it having a more grounded approach to life.

[@phangkuanhoong7967]

the nuclear family structure is garbage. they say "it takes a village to raise a child." but where in hell is that village?

[@titandarknight2698]

I know people keep saying it takes a villiage, but did the village ever exist? Rich people just got nannies and back then or even now, the poor have many kids. So personally, I don't belive the village ever existed.

[@Lockin22222]

@@titandarknight2698 the idea is very closely tied to evolutionary biology and thus ethology, you should look that side up of this.

[@raingulfdrengot195]

@@titandarknight2698 Village exists, at least I grew up in it. I learned many things as a lad from people that are not my family. Old guy I called grampa thought me lots of handy stuff. I would go to village barber and play chess with him. He even thought me how to play. I lived near the school and if day was bad, my mother would take care of the children until their parents came to pick them with cars. People took care of us honestly. Im a grown man now. Children come to play with my dogs even play football in my yard since yard is fenced and bit off the road. I tell em to do whatever you like just close the gates so dogs dont escape. I dont even supervise them. Just mess around and try not to hurt yourself. Only thing I dont allow them to do without supervision is to use tools.

[@cait3196]

@@titandarknight2698 in asian culture it certainly does and other poc cultures where multi-gen communities thrive.

[@lilmshavok7297]

@@cait3196 But that comes with the risk of multi-generational trauma. I dont know anyone who wasnt as a kid. Im white, and I got the belt. Ive always heard some variation. "The spoon" "The hand" "the chancla" etc. At least I only got it from my parents, I cant imagine that from the rest of your family too. I grew up on a coastal town, so even though we were small, it was pretty diverse. Funnily enough I was one of the *few* white kids at my school, which doesnt happen often in the US- when I moved, it never happened again. When I was taking care of the kids in my neighborhood (the oldest kid, yk how it is) ive heard so many stories. It might just be where I live, but it was a big issue. idk.

[@thepeasantsofdithmarschen3507]

Motherhood is about to look a bit more rough in the USA now 🙃

[@vividmusic473]

how come?

[@enoki54]

@@vividmusic473presidential election results 😭

[@vividmusic473]

@@enoki54 how will that directly effect motherhood?

[@iheartjbgccb]

If anything it will be more affordable, some people don't know what they're talking about

[@kevinjypiter6445]

@@iheartjbgccb well, now motherhood is actually feasible (since the babies wont be ☠)

[@Ender-the-coyote]

3:13 while people often overuse this, it is 100% true that not all mothers should have been. I have been through ab**e and cm from my mother. Not ever mother should be mothers because there are definitely really bad mothers that should have just been bad people.

[@perfctblu]

Thanks for keeping this as rhetoric free as possible, it's such a breathe of fresh air. I experienced this immense gratitude for my own mother when I saw my coworkers baby a few days after she was born. I felt this overwhelming energy that almost brought me to tears. It is strange but it made me realize that I can't ever imagine the experience of having my own kids. I don't know how I could ever neglect the mother of my child. The older I see my mother get the more my past actions weigh on me, the shit I made this woman go through is inexcusable and there's no way I can repay her with just gratitude. She has always been so wonderful and now all three of her boys are older, I feel like she's growing with us again, trying again to make something of what she wants.

[@Lonaticus]

It takes a village to raise a child, as the old saying goes...

[@d011p4rtz]

as a black, chronically ill, stay-at-home mother of a toddler, this is really validating to hear and a breath of fresh air. the only thing I will add (because I pretty much agree/can relate to every part of this video) is that *most* (not all) child-free-by-choice women REALLY dislike us and our kids. I know my child isn't perfect even most of the time. she is neurodivergent. but it hurts to constantly have her referred to as a "crotch goblin" or for myself to be referred to as a "breeder" or "chest feeder" and many other derogatory terms. People REALLY hate children, but there's nobody more hated than *mothers* . society really dislikes us for either having children at all or for not snapping back into our pre-baby bodies. there's so much to unpack but I would be here for *YEARS* and talking in circles. I have no village and I am burnt out. my mom was a single teen mom but she had a village that I don't, but I would be lying if I said my child wasn't the only reason I am still on this earthly plane of existence despite my illness, depression and not so great situation. I love her more than I hate myself.

[@Rosemary46840]

Chest feeder ? Bruh now you're just makin shit up df

[@summahthevegan3796]

Wow you hate childfree people so much that you're transphobic. Chestfeeder is a part of the Trans community NOT the Childfree community. As for the breeder and crotch goblin thing I'll admit to using those words, in private Childfree groups, where I go to be free of the parents who act entitled to bring their children everywhere. Including adult only, not kid appropriate spaces.

[@i.b.640]

No this is the "inclusive" term that transmen demand to feel respected.

[@gurogoth]

Oh whine whine whine lmao Bro got an inclusive term used and started throwing a fit that's embarrassing

[@greeniscoollol]

You're right, those derogatory terms are dehumanising.

[@serenitysubs933]

This is why i always felt uncomfortable about art memes like 'I'll draw you all pregnant.' Like pregnancy is some kind of humiliation ritual, instead of actual life being raised and taken care of. Motherhood isn't taken as seriously as it should

[@Ittosmelon]

I highly agree with this, whenever someone says that i feel really grossed out

[@donu_tz]

not to mention that mothers who give her kids mcdonalds are considered to be lazy, but when fathers do the same, they are "cool dads"

[@DeadVoxel]

Here's the kicker: In the animal world, usually females are the ones with the most priority and significance. Typically they're larger in size than males, play a more important role, etc. For example: female spiders usually eat their male partners after mating. Some male animals dance to attract a female partner, or have pretty patterns, colors and looks. Female mosquitoes are the only ones to suck blood. Queen bee is the most important bee in the hive, female bees being the workers, while the males... uhhh... well, I feel sorry for them, because their life purpose is pretty much insignificant outside of mating And these are just a few examples off the top of my head. Humans were most likely originally supposed to be the same way, with bearing an important and respected role. Except society took a different turn, and men took over and built the unfortunate world of today. But with that came a lot of expectations of what women and mothers should be, because men were the ones dictating with absolutely no idea what it's like to be one of those themselves Motherhood is extremely tiring and expensive, especially in this capitalist world where you're expected to spend crazy amounts of money just to take care of a single child. With all of the expectations, chores, mental drain, obviously being a "mother" is the women's entire identity. Why? Because they simply can't afford to take time for themselves. And what do men usually do? They either leave, or work. Working in itself isn't bad, because that means the mother doesn't have to work AND take care of the child, as well as having income. But that comes with a HUGE problem: she's the only one raising the child. And the father is too tired after work to help her around the house or with the child. And it's even worse if the father in question tells you how much "easier" you have it, or how you're supposed to give up your own well-being and energy for the child's sake, knowing that it's WAY too much to bear for a single person, man, woman, or anyone else. And in cases like that, I really wish that the father and the mother would switch places, where the mother works a job, and the father takes care of the child and the chores around the house. I would love to see their reaction Mothers are severely underappreciated, they're expected to be a certain way or do certain things. It's so glamorized and romanticized that people tend to not notice any issues at all, and even disregard the mothers' troubles, tiredness and stress altogether. People think that since the mother birthed the child, that the responsibility for said child is FULLY on her, when it's not true If mothers were given more money, if they didn't have to be stuck at the house all day, if parents shared responsibilities between each other (knowing that both of them contributed to the child's existence, not just the mother), if others saw mothers as humans with feelings instead of mindless robots with a role, and if nobody pushed expectations on them or dictated what to do, then mothers would have a much better time in life than they do in the world we live in currently. Mothers' efforts need to be appreciated, period. This society is so rotten, and I truly truly hope we can make the world a better and more comfortable place to live in. Unfortunately, not just mothers, but we as humans have only really been "existing" and not really living. We work our backs off just to exist and we barely have time for ourselves and our well-being, whether we're working a job, or taking care of children. We barely get any breaks to even just rest from all the labor and torture. It's such a shame

[@FuryOfCalderon]

Cry more.

[@Roadgrundy]

I'm really close to a lot of my cousins. When I used to go to one of their houses daily, I saw how hard she was working. How she is literally doing a full-time job. I saw firsthand how every single time her daughter's father came home, he would always complain about "the state of the house." Say she's at home all day, the "house should be perfect when he gets back, she's got so much free time." I helped where I could, but at the end of a day, I was a fourteen year old who was way too scared to hold the child. But it changed my view on a lot. It showed me how hard mothers work. I started looking at how expensive it is to raise the child. How undervalued her work was. It really upset me to see that nobody was helping because "that's just how raising a child is." Sadly, I don't think society is going to suddenly turn around and get better. But I can be. If I have a kid, I will do everything in my power to make sure all the work isn't on the mother. I'll take the "responsibility" of taking care of the house off the mother. I'll be as active as I can in helping raise the child. It's sad that it's so expensive to raise a child. But whatever career I have, no matter how tired I am when I get home, I will do what I can. I have no doubt my partner will be more tired than I can ever fully understand. I typed way more than I meant to. I knew I was passionate about this, but still, sorry for the rant. I mean, it's not like you *have* to read it, but still

[@DeadVoxel]

​@@Roadgrundy no worries! Your rant is important We need more people that understand the hardship of motherhood, and it's very reassuring to hear you say that! I am sorry she has to go through all of that. That's NOT how raising a child is. Yes, raising a child is tough, but it shouldn't fall on the shoulders of a single person, and it definitely shouldn't lead anyone to poverty or burn out. A lot of mothers unfortunately even develop depression after giving birth, going as far as being fed up with taking care of the child, with the constant yelling, with all the chores and whatnot. That's just not healthy. I'm absolutely baffled at how people treat it as normal I hope the father puts actual work into helping her around the house. She's not obligated to do anything for him, let alone cleaning the house. How high is his ego to think that the house should be perfect when he comes back??? If he wants it done, he should do it himself instead of complaining. I can't with this mentality Fathers exist not just to work, but to help raise the child that THEY gave life to. Taking care of a child is as much of work as a regular job is, if not more. Except you don't get paid, you just get even more mental and physical overload and get treated like garbage, as if you owe something to others

[@yikes9944]

for mama's on a budget, reusable diapers are a thing!! my mom and her sisters used them in their pregnancies and it made a huge difference for them

[@suoutubez19]

Yes, only if you have a washer and drying machine tho!

[@espeon871]

Mother is a term from ballroom and i hate that its becoming mainstream terminology as someone whos in the community, because its something sacred too referring to the house mothers who are people's adoptive parents in a chosen family house or Legends and statements and stars who did something for the community instead of just any random person whos cool. Genuinely whenever people talk abt these terms theres a blindside on this being appropriated ballroom and in turn appropriated aave because its a black and brown trans and queer pioneered space. Great video i just needed to get this off my chest.

[@YounhaMizuki]

Exactly! For me, it always seemed weird that people would use that term because, you know, many people in the ballroom scene didn’t have supportive families, so someone else was stepping into that role to guide them. It comes from a genuine place of love. ❤

[@pinkapoppy]

There is SO much terminology popularised by queer influencers but no one is recognising the origins of the words or even know what ballroom is

[@pinkapoppy]

I would recommend everyone to watch Paris is Burning, it taught me a lot that I can’t believe I didn’t know

[@kexerino]

Sorry, but what is Ballroom?

[@banny4821]

I feel like a lot of modern slang is from ballroom, black, and queer people

[@1221zzn]

This is honestly one of my favorite video essays, solely because it’s very informative and actually left me with something to think about, and the discourse in the comments are really interesting to scroll through!!

[@Dietghostscp2107]

I'll never forget my mother for even as crazy as she was. She was still my mom. Also. My Asian brothers and sisters. We see you ✊🏿. Shit might get weird around here.

[@nineonine9082]

Asian brothers and sisters? Black fist sounds pretty racist. Try not to judge me to badly, I am just a white man.

[@filiplipkowski4963]

Dude don't you know that some Asians has this type of skin? I hope you're not ragebaiting@@nineonine9082

[@Dietghostscp2107]

@nineonine9082 It's just a solidarity things . I love you guys too. But if you've been around this channel you'd know the two groups have been trying to repair relations. That's all it is.

[@Rosemary46840]

​@@nineonine9082black fist racist ?🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️wtf Tell me you support white supremacy without telling me

[@ryanmoore9596]

Great video, it really has me thinking about my mom and the sacrifices she made for me and my siblings. It makes me sad to know that my mom had big dreams and ambitions before having children and she chose to give all of that up to be a stay at home mother. However, I know that I wouldn't be the same if I didn't have my mother at home, picking me up from school, and taking care of the family/house. She shaped me into the person I am today, and it drives me to make her proud from all the sacrifices she made for us. Thank you to all the mothers out there

[@rmmr1168]

I have a young son and I can say without a doubt, it is the most joyful, fulfilling experience of my life thus far (I doubt it is ever overtaken). I don’t understand how so many women have become convinced to step away from their own preferences that they can have children and dislike it so much. We need to get to the place that women can more fully make these decisions without judgement so we avoid women becoming mothers with regret.

[@nRT-qx7ge]

when i read the comments under a video of a mother cooking for her children, the comments always act like she murdered someone 🙄

[@kiefershanks4172]

Mothers are incredible. At least, those who truly embrace the role. As a father, I do everything I can to be the best support for my wife and daughter. Despite working long, often unpredictable hours, I do everything I possibly can to ensure that our home is in order, that food is cooked, and that I assist mom with all that is needed. I have very little to no free time and that is just part of being a good parent. I hear stories about guys who just sit around and it infuriates me. You have an important job to do. Suck it up and do it. Your wife/girlfriend needs you and more than that, your child needs you to be present. I get that you want to do other stuff and that you are tired but that is no excuse. Children are very important for everyone's well-being. They are the literally the future. You have to get your act together and stop expecting mom to do it all. Start being of service to your family and get your house in order.

[@bakucloud]

in these past years post lockdown i realized how much work my mother put into raising me and my sibling (even if she had help from my grandmother). i think society needs to stop being so hard on single/married mothers they do so much for us before and after we are born. i will forever be thankful for my mom even if we have our ups and downs she is my mom

[@khadijafatima722]

love, love LOVE THIS!! We genuinely need to have a MUCH more empathetic approach towards motherhood and not just treat it like just another role or profession a human can fulfill

[@ShortNeckedAlpaca]

the capitalist mindset it's engrained so deeply in our brains even people who are actually mothers have this mindset. I'm currently a stay at home mom (not by my own choice, but because I can't find a job) and the amount of shame and guilt I feel for "not doing anything" is crushing me. I have adhd and I'm almost certain my kid does too, it makes every single task revolving motherhood a lot more draining. Remembering the 20 assignments he has for school each week, making him a healthy lunch and an "appropiate" dinner every single day, trying to remind him to brush his teeth every night (when I haven't had the energy to brush mine in over two weeks), having 40 minute arguments with him about why studying is important (because I know the "because I'm your mother and I said so"'s aren't fruitful to his development) is, a lot of times, more than I can handle. Still, to the outside world I'm not doing things right because we eat instant noodles once a week, because I don't have a salary that allows me to take him to a therapist, because I let him "talk back" when he feels something isn't fair. I adore my kid with every cell inside my body, but being a mother is the most frustrating thing I've ever done.

[@yanyanspanpans]

Hiii! I am finally early on one of your videos and would like to say that I really appreciate the insight/ deeper thought that you both bring and promote to these topics! I also like your hair lol

[@kaspernordlund6828]

as a man i will say, the pregnancy is a superpower. Feels very true. 50% of the population has half the CV of god, and we all act like that isn't the most insane thing ever. Here is superman, he can fly and catch a bullet mid air. Here is a woman, she can create life. i pick contestant number two for most awesome super power in a heartbeat.

[@CampbellAlexander953]

Simp

[@ymmis03]

@@CampbellAlexander953 ur just a loser

[@warzachew4343]

​@CampbellAlexander953 you see a wholesome comment, and you immediately feel the need to destroy the vibe. Get a life or something.

[@lupazxyz]

​@@CampbellAlexander953If this is the definition of a "simp" then I'd certainly get with one no hesitation.

[@kant.68]

Many women in our generation see that not as a superpower but as a curse or an illness

[@MD-zy9oq]

When my son was born i thought there was no chance of me ever becoming a single mom. Fast forward 3 years and his dad (my husband)died suddenly in a car accident.. that was in 2021. So just like that i was a 32 year widow and single mom of a 3 year old with no job. He started school , started noticing ADHD like symptoms, and its been nothing but a nightmare ever since. His school has no resources. The before/after school program there wont take him, despite my situation, they dont care. I had and lost 6 jobs and i have since given up trying to work as there is no point. The school day is 9-245 and the work day is 8-5, theres too many long breaks that i csnt find childcare for so im s.o.l. oh and since 2021 the cost of living has tripled as well . This is not the life i ever thought id be living or the person i ever thought i woupd be. I hate the victim mentality but honestly feels like i just hit a brick wall no matter which direction i go. And i still get treated badly by people and looked down on , for being a "single mother" qpparently because single moms make bad choices. But i didnt choose for my husband to die , or to be prevented from working and having a life worth living. I am simply trying to play the cards i was dealt ... Because what other choice do i have?

[@WhaleAndWasped]

I’m horribly sorry for the loss of your husband. Your hard work is truly commendable and I look up to the resilience you choose every day for your son. The world feels rougher than ever right now. I myself hope to find a way to contribute to making it better for others to live in. I want you to know that you are more than justifiable in feeling the way that you do. I hope you never give up despite the hardships. And I truly hope that a bright blessing of some form comes your way. I hope reading this comment is a sign of that. I’m sending you and your son lots of love ❤

[@kennethxu1789]

The intro cards are not going unnoticed, love them

[@noakinn]

I'm so proud of my mom for who she is, but I'm so worried for her everyday. As much as I try to help her, she just carries way too much burden by herself, especially eorking as an assistant director of the hospital near us. She's tough, but I wish I could do more, and I wish my siblings understood this more (albeit they're still quite young, but it's also hard for me as a semi-parentified eldest child). I'm just thankful that our family network is very close and supportive of each other, that her workload before moving back to the Philippines is significantly less (definitely still a lot).

[@MrWhiskers4526]

It's really cool you talked about what happened to the indigenous population it really doesn't get mentioned much.

[@thecorvin7245]

Watched this with my mom- she loved it, she was really happy with HEARING these things- not just hearing/thinking it herself. It started like several rambles and her going "YES. THAT. OHHH--" 10/10 :v

[@flowerbeeb]

YES I just watched this and my first thought is to send this to my mom and also recommend the Nightbitch book!

[@moonmama588]

A wonderful look into motherhood! I am a single mother, and I can appreciate all the research you did and the empathy you carry for all the chaotic yet loving walks in motherhood. Thank you for the article and book recommendations as well!

[@AlfOutdoors]

My missus was in hopsital for a whole weekend. Emergency surgery. From Friday to Monday. Had to look after our 18mo daughter and 25kilo husky. Most stressfull weekend in my life. LOL.

[@AlfOutdoors]

Had to look after our daughter clean the house, walk the dog, cook and visit the hospital. I barely had any time for myself. Single parenting is hard work. I don't know how those mums do it on their own.

[@oliSUNvia]

truly such a hard job! hope your missus is doing well now after the surgery

[@gardeniainbloom812]

@@AlfOutdoors Now imagine doing this day in day out over multiple years and then trying to live up to standards set by others.

[@danebadman9190]

I think a huge contributing factor to this issue is that, we as a society have only grown larger and more complex, and you cannot create simple solutions for complex situations, which is what we tend to do given our exponentially degrading attention spans and the need for instant gratification. We need to try and understand each other more, and to compromise rather than explaining issues in the hopes that people just “get it.” That only creates more division

[@RavenPeake]

My mother was raised to have a messed up view of motherhood by the church. She thought the way to rebel against that was to spend way too much time hating me. If she'd felt like she had more liberty than the church gave her, everything would have been fine.

[@doodleoffice221]

When my mother had my brother, i noticed a lot of my family members came over to help, usually my grandmother.

[@octag0nist]

Goated video? The domestic labour of mother's is so undervalued, it drives me insane that we spend so little time discussing the material issues & challenges they face

[@Davian775]

One thing people picked up on social media is looking at a short video or story act like they know everything about a person.

[@nick_stefanie]

I was 22 years old when my mom vented to me that she hates being a mother. She had lost her own identity and stayed 26 years on an abusive marriage that put all the responsability of everything on her,. My dad was living his own separate life, literally. Even his money went only to his individual things. My mom didn't have a musical taste, didn't watch movies, didn't spend time buying clothes. She literally had no personality other than being a mom, and a very succesful professional. In fact her work was her life out of motherhood and she came home for third and fourth shifts with me, my brother and my dad. The day she vented she told me she still feels she did a terrible job at everything and "was not enough" as a mom, professional and wife. My dream has always been to be a mother, but now my dream is work at home and be a mother.

[@AlyssaTaylor9]

I'm a mom of 2 small children (a boy aged 2 years and a girl aged 9 months), and I have a masters degree, which i graduated with when my boy was 6 months old. I was working for my university up until that point, but left after maternity leave because it was clear my boss, who was VERY hostile to me before the birth, was going to make adapting to being a "working mom" that much harder (can elaborate more if anyone cares to know). My identity as a mom, and as a person who is now a "Stay at Home Mom", is something I've had to grapple with since my son was born. There is constant mixed messaging from all sides. First, that this is the most fulfilling thing i could possibly do with my life (it sure doesnt feel that way while wiping poop and cleaning spilled food for the 1000th time), that this is easy and im lucky to not have to work (Its NOT, i liked working and my 9-5 was way easier than motherhood), that Im privileged to stay at home with them (we intentionally planned how to get by off one income before this and have incurred a lot of financial sacrifice by me being at home), that theres something intrinsically wrong with not contributing financially to my household, that im setting myself up for failure by "depending on" a man who could theoretically leave me at any time, that this is the only Godly model to follow (im a Christian so that messaging does come through), that its good im at home because sending children to daycare is horribly damagine to their psyche, and a billion other things that don't actually lend much support my way. That doesn't even include the billions of mixed messages on how to be a good parent in the first place, and how your relationship to your spouse, your children, and your very body needs to look like. But to be honest, what i struggled with most is how isolating modern motherhood truly is. You get a billion opinions but no real community... and childrearing is meant to be a communal activity that involves a huge network of adults and older children. A single adult is NOT wired to spend all day every day singlehandedly caring for, entertaining, and teaching small children. Small children are also very prone to hurting themselves, so every activity also comes with a "safety alarm" to make sure they dont get seriously injured. To be clear, my husband is a great dad and partner. He is often happy to take over the kids so i can get a break and help out around the house, but his work hours can be insane ( topping out at 14hr days) and sometimes he has to leave for weeks at a time, so the amount he can do is limited. Part of the reason i miss working is that i always had adult interactions... and those can be few and far between these days. I have to make concerted effort to make those interactions happen, and right now its most often playdates with other moms. And part of the reason Im still at home with them is because i do not want them cared for by someone else for extended periods of time until they can fully articulate to me what happened during the day, i just do not feel comfortable with the thought of daycare until thats possible. But with all this I think its also important to take into consideration how hostile our culture has become towards the existence of children, and by extension the existence of parents. You get people who believe that wanting to reproduce is inherently selfish (no, I didnt have kids out of a narcissistic belief that the world MUST have more of me thanks), and that children are inherent nuisance to society. People seemed to take "i have the right not to have children" (which you 1000% do) and extended it to "I have the right not to notice children in public." Not in family/casual restaurants, not on public transport, not in the halls of my apartment building, not in a freaking Costco eatery. Why? Children are loud. They're annoying. They don't produce anything yet use resources. There are no benefits to having children, only downsides. A particularly egregious example was a viral tiktok of a woman soothing her baby on an airplane by bouncing him/her while standing in an empty spot on the plane. According to the comments you'd think she committed a war crime by daring to 1) take her baby on an airplane, and 2) making her baby visible to other passengers. The messaging was clear, she and her baby were inconveniences on what apparently should be a childfree environment. As a parent, you also are undeserving of empathy because you chose that role, you could have "aborted it" but you didn't. Instead you chose to be a burden on everyone else's peaceful flight. This makes the only people who are worthy of being parents the people who can afford to not include their children where the public can see them, and I've seen it all. You live in an apartment? "You shouldnt have kids if you cant afford a single family home." You take them out? "You shouldn't have kids if you cant afford a babysitter. Also doordash exists." You go to c Costco as a family? "Why doesn't one parent stay home with the kids while the other goes for Costco pizza, and then you switch off?" Again, a ton of opinions... but no regard for useful support. It also ignores the irony of all the people who complain about children forgetting that they were also once children... yet the world they grew up in was not nearly so hostile. I realize this comment has become more of a rant, so while I have more to say I'm going to close out. But to generally conclude, we have so much conflicting if not outright hostile messaging about what being a mom and having children look like that we forget that building supportive community around parents (especially moms), even if you dont personally wish to have children, is totally an option. There are parts of being a mom that are amazing, and there are parts that are just really hard... and further isolating people just because they had kids doesnt help.

[@yamsang0__0]

you got me with that average college guy kitchen comment. cuz my kitchen is definitely not as clean as it should😭

[@Fungie_y]

Everytime I watch videos like this I feel dumb and stupid for not knowing this before. The ability to write such a concise and intricate piece of media about an interesting topic the eductes people about certain stuff is amazing I am truly impressed

[@crazy-s9z]

The number of times I have seen, "Oh, you've it difficult? Our mothers did it w/o any assistance and handled everything so well. Don't be dramatic, it's what all the mothers SHOULD do" comments everytime a woman is talking about the downside of being pregnant sickens me to my stomach.....

[@epls0.0]

As a mom I tell you, ain't easy however is not a painful experience, if was your choice! I don't think anyone should be a mother by pure pressure, that is a huge mistake, cause as a human being, is a very difficult time of change, that can cause many to lose their own identity and lead to depression. Society pretty much reinforce those expectations and of course I can't say for anyone but myself, we are already questioning everything and there is not a correct preparation for motherhood and for a long time you get used to not be an individual anymore, cause I become we and priorities shift as they should for a while, cause you are responsible for a little human, you just can't screw up, is a life, is big responsability. I think people disresgard how much that itself affect us inside and for sure outside, is a lot going on and this without saying all those not so obvious details, like partners can be very obnoxious and egoistic which increase the issues, family pressure, moms can be awfull too, there are a culture of comparing every freaking details about the kids, judgment and of course, the women that dislike the idea of having kids and in social gatherings make comments and remarks that give in between the lines the idea that you not working anymore and raising a child have a lot less important opinions and valuable insights. Is very complicated, for my mental health I would never expose my life, we are humans, as you said we have bad days, learning how not to point that frustration to our kids is already a big thing, cause is easy to lose control sometimes. Be a good parent nowadays require a lot of work, we can't make the same mistake as our parents did, we want to encourage them to grow up and find happiness being whatever they want, we can't project on them and that is easier said than done, you are not able to do that if you are not ok with your role. The most important thing is women have different stories, so they can't be the same projection of perfect mom cause many didn't have that mom growing up too, generations had different parenting rules, cultures are also different from one country to another. The idea of perfect mom is utopia, the perfect mom for my kids can be a wacko for others and from the outside perspective we are always projecting our values on other people without considering their income, their real life issues and their struggles, sometimes the bare minimum is a lot for that specific person. To me real freedom for a woman is do what she wants, regardless what others think, be that a house mom, or a working mom or neither, it is suppose to be a choice. Nobody can be happy dealing with unrealistic demands. I highlight, yes is the hardest job in the world cause we don't know what to do, we were not prepared for it, it doesn't have a standard that work for all and we never get recognition for how much effort we put into getting better at it. Raising a decente human being in this chaotic world is not an easy task! But hey, maybe one day people will learn to value that. (sorry for the broken english, is not my first language)

[@connor-td3jj]

Always coming up with interesting topics, keep it up👍

[@electricVGC]

I can see the impacts capitalist culture has had on my recent mother sister, in her concerns about how she'll feel and be perceived about getting support from her family and friends. Mothers deserve support, love and appreciation, and should be encouraged to seek all three.

[@blackninjawolf88]

It's kinda crazy how radical the idea that 'different people want different things' is when it comes to thinking about women. Almost as if people don't see woman as a kind of person

[@marinaschulze1350]

I mean I don’t have kids but I can imagine the stress that takes to be one. Especially because you know what could happen to them. Illness, accidents, the cruel society or simply people who don’t value you child as you do. And you can traumatize then in a second if you not really careful. It’s basically war. You give your live for you kid and you hope you do it correctly because when not you create a deeply damaged human with a ton of problems. Imaginary kids are safer. And you can’t really trust anyone else because of the stigma of motherhood. The world want’s children but gives the responsibility on one single flawed human. That’s Not right

[@simplyrebbie]

I really enjoyed this video! The game show, the costume changes, the Engels quote (I read and cited that same work for a university course!). I'd like to think that I've always loved and appreciated my mother, but that respect and appreciation has really grown since becoming a mother myself.

[@cake_ness16]

obsessed with the way you filmed this! very well-spoken and incredibly insightful

[@shqip_sumejja]

I was on Instagram and saw people calling for Indian women to just stop have children to prevent overpopulation as if they should be stripped of having a family, something very important in Indian culture. Indian women face enough discrimination in their own country but now they have the entire world mocking them.

[@ms.mittenz]

As a new mom (6 month old baby) to whoever said "don't you think you should be contributing to the economy instead?" I'd say... no. I'm happier now :)

[@adonaimartins5632]

Yeah contributing to the economy so my boss can enjoy holidays with his family and I

[@sadbutrad4961]

2:47 i'm sorry but a college student is not the same as a 1 year old child. 0-5 years old nutrition is especially important, since it's the formative years for a child

[@jyjaeskz]

"Some people shouldn't have children" doesn't mean people should be legally prevented from having children, it just means some people are abusive and believe it or not, do not deserve to have children just because they want to. No I don't want to control who gets to have kids/give birth, because I also know that's gonna end up with some kind of discrimination, but that doesn't change this belief.

[@stavrakyscripes9746]

9:40 was listening to the video in the backround and legit went to check the door.

[@thedamnfoolthatshothim2145]

me too through earphones and my heart actually skipped a beat

[@Alison_ali_ally]

I hate that private life is so public, it's shallow. The internet is good for a lot but the lines between private and public is dangerously blurred in this society...and all we see is the good side and I hate that about the internet. People form high standards based off of lies, it's sad people don't even question what they see online.

[@lorenrenee1]

They’re doing this because she’s not skinny skinny. Mom can give their kids mac & cheese, and hamburger helper, and nobody will say anything, but if the mom is fat, they will use that to demonize her.

[@lize2062]

That's a *very* interesting topic!! I may not be fond of the country i live in, but last years national test for university entry's essay theme was "the chalenges for the valuing of care work." It was very nice to see a topic like that brought up to light and dicussed by the entire country. In Brazil, care work is very devalued, a lot because it's also viewed as "a natural hability that comes with women"...

[@carlyk756]

i think that motherhood would be a lot more valued if there wasn’t so much emphasis on productivity in society. productivity is important, but so are emotions, and plenty other aspects of living a life. it’s a balance- neither are good nor bad, but our society perpetuates the idea that productivity is the only thing that gives a person value. if it doesn’t make you money, why do it at all? at least, that’s my perspective of society written in a sort of extreme way, but i know there’s obviously nuance. motherhood would be a lot more appreciated if society valued aspects of life that are considered feminine, but instead they are labeled as “weak.”it’s difficult for people to understand the role of motherhood outside of the lens of patriarchy because that’s simply the society we’re living in. motherhood is a role that is not based in productivity, yet is put into the box of productivity (like the example of “nightbitch”), which results in it being misunderstood and therefore undervalued, because it is being viewed in a lens that doesn’t make sense for what that role truly is. i hope that made sense, lol

[@Cherryblossoms110]

8:11 "How fast laundry detergent runs out" - If anyone has a similar problem, know that you are using way too much. It is a very concentrated product. You need very little. The 113 fl oz jug I have has lasted me 3+ years and I'm still not out of detergent.

[@chaeyunera]

I recommend reading the Korean novel "Kim Ji-young, Born 1982" (It has also been made into a movie) , it tackles similar subjects that's mentioned here and more.

[@jeontaemie]

Omgg that movie made me cry. It felt so realistic and eye opening

[@MistressUndead]

Thank you. I never see anyone on KZbin mention the residential schools of Canada. I have native family, quarter or more native. I feel their pain always.

[@jess_fry]

Your videos are always so thought provoking. In particular, I love the characters you created to voice the contradictory views of motherhood from different ideologies.

[@cutie7012]

interesting twist with the different perspectives. An eye opening watch really, I should call my mother and thank her. Thank YOU for making this video

[@markstrike-y1g]

6:18 a working father would be use as example of "positive masculinity". While people also shitting on men they don't view as good examples of "positive masculinity"

[@mariewilliams4269]

I’m 3 months pregnant and I’m so glad you made this video. Been thinking through a lot of this

[@dumendlovu3629]

15:24 deadass what if I’m allergic

[@dangerdayan7088]

you know what's wrong with you

[@dumendlovu3629]

@ that I don’t want to die? Lol