On Being "Normal" | Coming to Terms with Schizoaffective Disorder

[@calebbrazeau4597]

As someone who has autism and schizophrenia I know that my normal is ok. Be a beautiful cupcake in a world full of muffins is what my mother tells me!

[@INFJIntrovertNerd]

Awweee thats so sweet I love that quote!!!

[@heedmydemands]

I concur, great quote

[@Agnes_B96]

❤I have autism and adhd and I accepted myself just how I am and I don’t want to be ‘normal’ anymore

[@destroyadoll2898]

This is an adorable way to say it!

[@heedmydemands]

@@Agnes_B96 I have autism and ADHD too, yes it's so great to let go of it, just accept how u r as okay. It's okay that u r different. There's no sense fighting it, u will still b different

[@goshish666]

More "average" people want to be more "special" and unique, while people who are actually not like others wish they could have a more normal life and fit into the world: a tale as old as humanity itself.

[@SomeSortofUsername-ey4uh]

I know that this has often been misattributed to Einstein and don't know the original source, but your message reminded me of the anecdote 'if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will go through its whole life believing itself an idiot.'

[@SuseMck994]

The older you get, the more you realise that being happy and content are so much more important than being normal. It's a real shame this realisation takes so long but getting older has to have some positives too!

[@ShadyPlatinum777]

I’ve suffered with depression (turned out to be Bipolar) from a young age and always wanted to be “normal”, but failing to do so just made the depression worse. It wasn’t until I excepted myself for who I am that I was able to manage my bipolar better.

[@TheUrbanAdventurer]

There was a time I wanted to be rid of my voices so very bad but in the end it was not to be. They would stay although be less frequent. So I accepted them and came to see them as companions rather than intruders. Together with medication they became less disruptive and even helpful, although I have a healthy distrust of whatever they say. I now see them as something that makes me unique and enriches my life experience. To anyone reading this. I made it through hard times and you can too. What worked for me might not work for you but it's worth striving forward nonetheless.

[@NatalieNox600]

If I can barely manage to do all the 'normal' things, I must be normal! At least, that's what I told myself. It's normal to occasionally go catatonic for days. Working from home and having autistic daughters helped me. I never let myself stim because it wasn't normal, but if it's good for my daughter, why did I hate myself for doing it?

[@sophiethesnail]

thank you, kit, your videos are always so insightful. i have bipolar with psychotic symptoms and you have helped me wrap my head around my diagnosis & the way it affects my life. love that you mentioned DBT & specifically radical acceptance as it helped me get out of that pit, too. 💜

[@ikemoon127]

I'm a musician. About 6 months ago I saw one of your videos on KZbin for the first time. Granted, I don't have SAD, but you still somehow inspired me to look deeper into the problems I was experiencing at the time, which ultimately led to me researching ADHD and discovering that a lot of the mental health issues I was experiencing were poorly talked about symptoms commonly experienced with ADHD. I was diagnosed at a fairly early age but rejected treatment because I had been watching KZbin videos by New Age gurus talking about how medication will "change who you are" and was paranoid about it. I don't know why but it never really "clicked" with me that I had a disability, I was just trying so desperately hard to pass as normal. I saw the other kids with ADHD and it never occurred to me that "oh, we have the same disorder, we probably have similar struggles". I could've used that to feel less alone in the world, and to take it easier on myself when stuff just isn't as easy for me. Well, thank you for that. Even though our struggles aren't exactly the same, you have helped me to feel less alone in the world, and I appreciate that. I wrote two songs inspired by your videos, "It Will Be Okay" and "DSM-AZA". The first song came from a melody that I wrote when I was in a particularly bad place mentally and seeing one of your videos somehow helped calm me a little, at least for the time being. It's a very simple song, and most of it's an instrumental, but it starts out sweet before it becomes very dark lol. I called the latter song "DSM-AZA" because at the time I was living in Iowa but had to move back to Arizona to help take care of my mom - the terminals for these airports are called DSM and AZA respectively. It's a double-entendre though, referencing the DSM-5, since it's a song ultimately about feeling lost and alone and I feel as though the DSM-5 is something that inadvertently helps people to feel less alone, seeing as there are other people in the world that regularly go through the same thing as you.

[@ikemoon127]

For clarification, the song "DSM-AZA" itself wasn't directly inspired by your videos (I wrote the lyrics before I moved to Iowa but didn't finish it until after I moved back), but the title was, indirectly.

[@gckinsey]

This video resonated with me so deeply. I got really emotional hearing about your journey and changing relationship with the word "normal", as someone who has spent my life grappling with "normal" in some really challenging ways. From the time I started school, it became crystal clear that other kids found me weird, and that if I didn't want to be shunned or judged, I was going to have to appear normal. So I quickly learned how to put up a front and keep my weirdness private. Unfortunately, my mom encouraged this behavior by forbidding me from sharing certain things about myself in public for fear of how it might bring judgment on our whole family - like the fact that I wasn't religious when we were living in a small southern conservative Christian town, for example. (And she didn't just want me to keep my weirdness private, she wanted me to "fix" it and "just be normal" ...sigh.) This set me up for a life of extreme contradictions, where I was trying my best to look normal on the outside, but rebelling against the whole concept of normalcy on the inside. All the art I created was centered around tearing down society's insistence on being normal and celebrating authenticity instead - but I felt powerless to actually live my life that way. Things started changing during my late teens/early 20s, though. As I met more and more people who were just as weird as I was, I slowly felt more comfortable sharing parts of myself that I'd learned to keep hidden. And I felt even more strongly that the whole concept of normal was BS. Two big things finally freed me from the pressure to appear normal: coming out as queer/trans (because that not only explained why I'd always felt different, but also gave me a community of people who celebrated that difference), and reframing capitalism as "crapitalism" (because I realized that under capitalism, our worth is all about how productive we can be, and "normal" is all about making us feel like failures when we don't measure up to that worth, which... no thanks). It's easier to embrace my weirdness and deal with society's judgments of it now that I can see "normal" for what it is. As much as I reject the idea of "normal" now - both on the inside and the outside - there are times when I do still have to acknowledge that it exists, like you mentioned in the video. In those cases, I find it helpful to discuss "normal" in more specific terms. Are we talking about normal as in common? average? frequent? expected? natural? correct? etc. Being more specific about what "normal" means in a given context helps get rid of the feeling that if you're not normal, you must be abnormal or "wrong" in some way. I also find the mindset of "whole and complete" that you mentioned so powerful, and I'm going to be checking out Carson's work for sure! I'm glad his talk helped you decide to stop chasing a standard of "normal" that wasn't making you happy, reframe your normal things lists as regular to-do lists, and embrace being yourself. You're awesome and so was this video - thank you so much for making and sharing it!

[@antoniotolentino8108]

When you have schizoaffective disorder (A severe mental health disorder) It impacts your life a lot in almost every way. Normal feels so far away, especially in a psychotic episode. When you have an invisible illness, it seems to hurt even more. I've been able to overcome most of my other mental illnesses, but this thing is a whole different beast. The depression and the psychosis are ruining my life, and I have no answer for it. I feel like I've had to dampen my dreams because I had to step down at work, and it affects my work so much. I feel like the only one going through this in my life and it's too tough to explain to family or friends.

[@theholyrogue]

(standing applause) Seriously, great speech. I still struggle with Normal tasks that, in all honesty, I should do, but sometimes don't. Thank the Lord for my wife who loves and understands me, keeps me from forgetting these Normal things.

[@blue_eyed_wonder]

❤ normal people don't put themselves out there on KZbin to help so many other people. You are wonderful.

[@RobbW-ay]

@@blue_eyed_wonder Agreed Special soul, she is.

[@JeffAiken-ui6hk]

As a blind schitz I can't stop others pitying or praising me but I can stop judging them, a talent that has enlightened and sustained my life

[@catherinej2020]

I gave up trying to be normal years ago. My motto is "accept me as I am" because my schizoaffective disorder made being "normal" impossible. You find who your true friends are that way.

[@lindotimo]

Very well spoken! I do agree, everyone has his/her normalcy. There is this pitfall with normalcy that when you momentariously get convinved you are normal, you skip the medicines. - Then the symptoms of your illness will reoccur.

[@mathewclark6810]

I say this all so often! I love this. I actively and openly talk about what it normative

[@AssetH8ut2]

When I was deep in the pit, couldn’t get out of bed, eating once every few days, showering……not really, mixed episode nightmare, I realize I desperately wanted to just be able to contribute at least as much I consumed. To be as independent as possible. Even when I couldn’t feel hope or joy or love; as long as I could take care of myself, I felt like that was a victory and that would make me proud of myself, and would prove all my detractors wrong. ❤❤❤❤

[@kharamelone1506]

Thank you Kit! Thank you so much! Sometimes I just need to hear someone say things for it to be true. Thank you for understanding and being that person. 😊

[@NavigatingthePeriphery]

This affected me. I have schizoaffective disorder mixed type. What you expressed was very moving. I know I am whole, I just want to improve without all of the extra crap that usually gets in my way, like my thoughts. It's hard always trying to push through.

[@jurajpaskuliak5011]

I feel sorry that you have met so many people who accused you of faking your mental ilness. I am mentally ill too, hallucinations were probably the worst thing that happened in my life and I think that when someone tells a mentally ill person that he or she is faking it, it is so cruel.

[@barrylindeman6902]

I understand why you were striving to be “normal” or “average”; I think humans want to feel connected and part of the whole. I certainly did. Listening to your list, it might help you, as it did me, to separate items in terms of the hierarchy of needs. For example, you need to hold a job to obtain money for food, clothing, and shelter. You take your medication and see your therapist in support of those necessities. Normal or average don’t come into it. Once I separated the things I needed to do for my own safety and wellbeing, I was able to ponder what I wanted out of life and develop steps toward those goals. I reserve the right to change those desires and goals over time, while maintaining the basics. For what it’s worth, I think you’re an extraordinary person, well beyond “average”.

[@Omicronthewiperofyouknow...]

In my experience the thing with being normal is more about not being bothered by people. Right now, I find myself in some sort of a dilemma. I had depression. And I just got better. But I don't want to tell people how. I don't want to answer questions or whatever. Because many might want to know. So I am thinking of going to a psychiatrist just so I can say I got better because I went to the medic and he/she fixed me. Being asked questions about how you got better feels like a drag to me. I just don't want to be asked anything about this. Unless of course people pay me to answer. But for that I would need some form of paperworks and I am just to lazy to do it.

[@RobbW-ay]

I relate in so many ways, Kit. Something to me about this normal talk and how you tried to be “normal” thing and mine as well. The bottom line odd we are all human. Everyone has that in common. Therefore, that is my definition of normal. Yes I’m neurodivergent and have a mental illness and can relate with others with the like illnesses and so forth. But all in all, we are all human. Neuro typicals have their differences within that umbrella but they are in fact human.

[@PeterVanTassell-uu4jh]

OMG you too... I struggled with normal for decades. As i got older i stopped caring about normal and instead just be me, whatever that may be. Its not a good thing to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

[@pratibhasrivastava1506]

hello schizokitzo...i have ocd and rn i am in distress becoz i just did a bunch of compulsions just now, but since you uploaded just now, maybe i will stop doing compulsions now and watch you for a while..you are my inspiration i want to be like you...

[@amschons]

Thanks for putting into words such a deep struggle that's hard to articulate, even to yourself. Also, don't feel bad for cringing at your past lists. Cringe means you grew since then.

[@johngreene6783]

Love your videos. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. You help so many people and we all thank you for that.

[@lisatomihiro3488]

I think a lot of what we think of as normal, society forces on us because let's be realistic society as a whole wants everyone to fit into nice little boxes and is upset when, surprise, we don't. My mom who taught for 30 years used to complain about the school system doing this to kids. Kids aren't cookies she would say. They don't all learn at the same rate as everyone else. I first experienced this in elementary school. I have a learning disability (I'm dyslexic) but I also have an IQ of 140. Society hated this. I was supposed to be stupid if I had a learning disability. If I was smart obviously I couldn't have a learning disability and therefore I was either faking it or slacking in those areas. Fortunately I had a mother who was both a teacher and my best advocate. I'm glad you have decided not to fit in the box, Kit. I hope this puts less pressure on you and allows you to be your best self. 🙏

[@Gasowsj8383]

Thank you for sharing that!

[@HannaHorn]

I have this and I’m almost 24 just coming to terms with it now so thank you so much😢

[@johnstanson3479]

Thank you, definitely hits home 🕯️

[@RobbW-ay]

And you are AWESOME!!!! You are such a great person with Great character. I admire you.

[@Gasowsj8383]

Thank you for sharing your story. Your channel has helped me a lot. 😊

[@kimberlyturner5886]

How'd you get so smart? I'm proud of you. I aspire for normalcy. Im bipolar1. My daughter is schizoaffective, but HEAVY on the schizophrenic aspect. She will likely never be able to live alone and function in society. She's 34 and acts 13. It's hard ..

[@danielleWheeldon7142]

Hey Hun I love ur view of the world and sharing it with you is amazing. I wish u all the good things in this life xx

[@ashuhhhlee1509]

im also schizoaffective and the way i behave in social situations and in school can be viewed as strange by a lot of people. im just trying my best to be like "normal people" but its hard

[@mjlove6574]

Thank You so much for this video ❤❤

[@stoneyvowell1239]

I absolutely hate it when people try to compare me to this thing people call normal. So I tell them, why would I want to be stupid and mean! Why do I want to should all over myself and others! Why do I want to have the problems everybody else has!

[@SamirCCat]

Tbh... Who wants to be normal? Look at the world these days - wars, poverty, starvation, disinformation, work stress, screen addicition... I pride myself to not be an active part in a society like that. I'm not normal, and I'm glad I'm not!

[@DJofMarysImmaculata]

I view having schizoaffective disorder as a test from God to prove my resilience and resolve. So long as I continue to improve these, I know that one day He will show me the mountaintop!

[@MikeKaye-d3o]

Still haven't come to terms with it my meds have basically paralyzed me from living a regular life I can't do alot of things I use to do with ease

[@xronald619x]

Tell your psychiatrist to fix your meds if your to sedated and can't function you need to let them know. My meds allow me to function I'm not to sedated and I can do everything throughout the day. You need medicine adjustment

[@MikeKaye-d3o]

@xronald619x already tried that 13 different times bro I'd rather just take no medication at all but they keep insisting I need to be on meds I don't feel sick at all just can't function physically from the meds

[@MikeKaye-d3o]

@@xronald619x it's like chemical torture I feel myself physically unable to move from my meds I can't stand up for very long periods of time

[@xronald619x]

@MikeKaye-d3o I want to get off meds but then you will suffer a bloody hell of a withdrawal of 6 months or more feeling terrible. I got off meds once and I've been on meds for almost 7 years now. I'm forced to take them and I think I rather keep taking them than suffer miserably from the chemical imbalance withdrawal hell. You should speak up and get your meds adjusted. Try olanzapine

[@MikeKaye-d3o]

@@xronald619x Ive already tried olanzapine it didn't work for me this medication is the closest I've came to anything "working" for me other meds have sent me to the hospital with high blood pressure and severe vomiting and they keep hooking me up to Ivs and giving me new stuff I've had probably 40 IVs in my arm this year this one works but it messes with my movement I can't stand up for more than 15 minutes at a time and I'm totally bed ridden

[@davidchilders2437]

For the longest time all I wanted was to be normal.

[@robertfrankenburger4672]

the real question is why do suffer with wanting to be average while being above average?

[@xronald619x]

Its not normal for my ears to buzz all day long causing sleep deprivation as well it isnt normal either to hear music shuffle in my head all day long its frustrating. Can things get NORMAL?

[@xronald619x]

I need to be completely sedated with my night meds to endure being in my room and even with my cocktail of night time meds I sleep like shit I can't take any more sedatives if I do I'll probably go into respiratory depression

[@damnablethief]

I have never ONCE had anything close to a normal life. Honestly, I would give anything to just be a normal 34 yo dude. But it is obvious to most people pretty quickly I have issues lol it is destroying my life but it's ok...don't worry about those people. They prob just hate their lives and need to take it out on someone. Those types usually tuck tail and run once you stand up to them.

[@tobyryan-jones]

🥰😔🥰😔🥰😔

[@DanielCardet]

I love you.

[@rhettbaldwin8320]

Weird can be good too.

[@robertdaniel1234]

Wisdom

[@GennaroNatale-i9n]

I have had enough

[@Righteous400]

Gorgeous?

[@KinkyKarma-p3r]

Kit, I love blue hair, l love bees, I love really intelligent women. Kit, you are superior to "normal." I forgot to mention that you are a beautiful person too. 😊❤😊🐝🌹

[@QueenBee-dj4wv]

Kit, normal is boring. You are anything but normal. 🫶🫶🫶🐰🐇🐰😊

[@RobbW-ay]

And you are AWESOME!!!! You are such a great person with Great character. I admire you.