Secrets to Staying Calm in High-Stress Situations and Nailing Those Tough Conversations

[@TheWizardOfWords]

If you liked this video and want to support this channel, please consider pressing the "join" button--right here www.youtube.com/@TheWizardOfWords

[@UlitheUnruly]

Thanks! Went to Military school- standing strong, feet apart, hands behind you, chin up. steadfast... that gives balance and strength physically. Breathe before Saying anything and speak slowly, clearly and distinctly. REPEAT THE SAME THIING, STOICALLY, DON'T ENGAGE, DON'T DEBATE.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yep, that's it!

[@Muchjoy..]

I was just thinking about this today. Somebody made a passive aggressive remark. And I had that flash thought. That Irish wicked , strike straight for the juggler. Just ran through my mind. But no, I smiled and remarked on how beautiful the weather was today..😂 I shall remember the phone number trick however , lol Thank you, Dan

[@SydMountaineer]

I love Dan - he understands that “teaching” by being an EXAMPLE, in an inclusive way, is the only effective way. Being inclusive (wanting the same for all other life that we want for ourselves) removes the need for morals, ethics, & manners - we automatically have those things when we’re inclusive.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yes :)

[@snicksabea]

I like it because he doesn’t make me feel silly.

[@stacielivinthedream8510]

@snicksabea I appreciate that about him!!!

[@SydMountaineer]

@@snicksabea😂😂😂

[@reneap9049]

I rely on you in these situations, you’ve been a source of insight, it’s greatly appreciated!! ❤❤

[@richardhimes3723]

Dan!!! you're the man!!!. I can't tell you how much you've helped me out, in dealing with my weak communication skills

[@JolitaBrilliant]

I am the boss and let me tell you are so spot on about what bosses don’t want to hear.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you, Jolita. I've been around the block so many times people think Im dizzy. Because I am.

[@AutisticBarbie]

@@TheWizardOfWords😂❤

[@juliablair4963]

“I am cool, calm and collected!” Going to post this on my computer. Thank you!!!!!

[@mkxv1]

So true about the boss! Once there were tensions in the dept caused by a negative gossipy nancy and a coworker waited till most of the people went away and went up to the boss to snitch. The boss was clearly uncomfortable but very diplomatically said the she would prefer that these things would be dealt within the team and she was to be kept out of issues that do not require her position to solve them. Not everybody is lucky to have a skilled comunicator as a boss so this is a gold tip:, just don't go up to the boss with petty issues/drama cause it'll probably back fire. Of course if there is bullying/harassment/racism going on it's another ball park Thank you for revamping and re-uploading your old content, it's a delight to revisit them!

[@Lioness_of_Gaia]

Thanks so much, Dan!!! ✨️❤️‍🔥♾️🥰🖖✨️

[@jenniferpoitier]

It works Dan. I just was in a store coming out, and I saw a woman way across the parking lot who was going to be coming in and I stood there and held the door open for her for an excessive amount of time as she walked towards the building, and then she walked through, without saying thank you and I found myself frustrated. Then I thought I am the problem. I am the solution the problem, I’m too nice the solution, don’t be so nice.

[@babycakes8434]

Very true, hold the door only if they are right there. I was recently asking another person a question from my into her car. She didn't hear me what I asked, so she yelled FU. Some people are gross, so they think that everyone is as gross as them🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[@dmc8161]

0:14 - Principle of the week 4:47 - Last strategy 7:15 - Self-assessment 8:55 - Use scripts 10:30 - Danger phrases 12:21 - Work danger phrases 14:14 - Professional category 16:21 - Danger phrases

[@jajajajaja357]

The principle of the week Starts at minute 26:00 and it is pure GOLD!!

[@bryanholland6987]

I've never been a boss before. This is a first for me. I'll make sure to read everyone's e mails that way I can just say "As a matter of fact I did read your e-mail, I read all of your e mails." 😅

[@lizzi437]

You're dog is so smart--knows how to get into the frame!

[@SydMountaineer]

I noticed once, when I reacted emotionally via text/ writing (I was able to go back afterwards to see what I’d wrote) I completely missed something obvious, and it’s not only something that I should’ve said vs what I did say, but more importantly, it was a logical flaw in what the other person said to me, which is a big part of what made me emotional, but I did not see it. Even though it was part of what caused it, I did not see it. So it prevented me from communicating effectively, I could’ve pointed out the flaw in the other person’s thinking, which was inside of an accusation & assumption. That logical flaw made the accusation meaningless, but I didn’t see that in the moment.

[@SarahRejsa-oi6bq]

People that I have trouble bonding with at work that I want to sort of bond with in a professional way , I will buy them a Christmas gift or a birthday present if I know when their birthday is. People usually warm up to you when you buy them a gift , especially if you put some thought into the gift .

[@Mushroom321-]

" we are dealing with the skill set we have ". 😮 epic !! 😲 👏👏 Principal set !

[@geddon436]

Dan, When you talked about teaching people in civiliazed loving way of how to properly communicate with people, I almost cried. Many people want to bash others, talk negatively, subtly insult others.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

There is nothing that you have to say that can't be said in a loving way :)

[@juneelle370]

As always, such great positive/loving communication advice ❤️ I think a good metaphor for delivering a frustrating message is “preemptive padding” bc you’re not actually trying to “strike” them, just provide them padding/understanding from the frustrating situation ⛅️

[@TheWizardOfWords]

thanks, Juneelle; I just may steal that "preemptive padding." :)

[@juneelle370]

@@TheWizardOfWords Great! I hoped you would! 😘

[@barbarajean7208]

True gems in this one! "Put down the Xanax and go for a walk" and "What if that's ok, they think I'm....x"

[@tbz1209]

I love Buddy!! 🤗

[@LinYouToo]

OMG I just bought a television from Best Buy a couple of months ago and spent a good amount of money on a beautiful large television. The manager in the Dept let me in on his TV secrets and then gave me a deal and then he asked me a favor not to tell The boss :) it’s true what you said about bonding

[@Mushroom321-]

THANK yOU !!, for .. "i realize that this is going to add to your frustration ", but.. & " im angry & we can get past this ". 😃🤔👏👏😲 I love the 2nd one included in my parenting..

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Absolutely!!

[@jchur7128]

Thanks! 😊❤

[@wellthatsinteresting1]

Dan, you know your stuff!! Your tactics are well thought out, well articulated and they actually work!!! Thank you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I appreciate your comment :)

[@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142]

You are funny 😊😊 2:22

[@tmking7483]

Great advice _ its so hard to disengage when the 'theys' are your psychopathic parents.I had to disengage. Im going to try this.

[@babycakes8434]

Welcome to the club😢

[@margaserrano471]

Hola ! I have to say again , you are such an inspiration! Thank you for helping us to deal with toxic/ difficult people. I have learnt( and still learning ) a lot with your wisdom ❤

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You are so welcome.

[@margaserrano471]

@@TheWizardOfWords it’s always a pleasure to see how committed you are to your audience. Muchas gracias for replying ❤️

[@wittjablonski2699]

Dan, you're a beautiful human. You teaching going from a disregulated state to a regulated state is HUGE!!!!!!! Handling emotions or our emotional wellness and narrative is a big task that seems complicated... You broke it down nicely but I feel there's still a lot here and a lot to take in plus its coming fast... Plz do a video on emotionally regulating or what u call disengaging and it might help to put text notes in with the video....and slow it down and shorten the video to that topic and I looked how u review things when ur about to move on. Love the channel

[@lovesings2us]

I love learning from you! You make it fun. Thank you, Dan!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

My pleasure!

[@jsmithsemper4848]

This is very helpful, thank you!

[@annstubbs2256]

I’m learning lots from you thank you ❤

[@tammyw.4779]

Lol I did that. Reciting my phone number backwards- that was harder than I thought. Good idea.

[@Sheep0.0]

I love your videos! They are so helpful😊

[@AlwaysASolution-qj9be]

😂😂Great information! Thank you. And yes, was so funny when George yelled "Serenity Now" every time he was stressed. 😅😅

[@jenniferpetrellicarslearni2265]

I would like to add that unless you know someone well, I don't think it's a good idea to put your trust in someone and share a secret that is important. I would tell them a secret, but one that doesn't matter if they tell other people. That way that will really tell you if you could trust the person first. That way if the person runs back and tells the boss or other people, it's not a big deal and will not harm you. Hope you don't mind me sharing my opinion on this. Thank you for all the great tips on communicating!! 💯💯💯🙂

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I am DELIGHTED you shared your opinion. Thank you.

[@PickledPepperz]

Hello!

[@warriormanmaxx8991]

@christinem8162 - "Hello!" Does that response ... make your day??

[@Sandman03276]

Would have loved you like 40 years ago :)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Wait, you mean when I was ten? My mother says I was obnoxious. You wouldn't have loved me. Well that's what SHE says. My father said I was entertaining :)

[@Banzii_Mavuso]

@@TheWizardOfWords 😂

[@vanityafro8962]

What you need to do Dan is get out of the US and come to Europe and UK. We need someone like you here ☺️

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Vanity, I am generally in Mexico, and would love to come to Europe and the UK. I have spent time in Germany (twice on business) but would love to expand my horizons :)

[@danaleebaker]

Thank you!! I love the three steps

[@elizabethandiosa4579]

The best ever. Thank you. Bravo.

[@faye_ruthy9860]

So glad to found this❤❤❤

[@KS-ni4ht]

Any techniques for someone who stutters and speech blocks using certain words? I appreciate your work so much. Thank you!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Ks--Unfortunately speech therapy isn't in my wheelhouse. I wish I could do something for you, but my best recommendation is a speech therapist.

[@KS-ni4ht]

@@TheWizardOfWords ok, thanks anyway. I tried speech therapy for many years and it doesn’t seem to help me.

[@MD.orion1]

​@@KS-ni4htbody language can be used effectively in many situations. Use what comes effortlessly and learn to tailor it to situations. Stoic and laconic can be useful qualities.

[@bluemoon5137]

My brain works a little bit differently and when I am preparing to say my phone number backwards, I actually look up and to the right because of the way that I think about numbers. I’ve created an image of my phone number and actually read the phone number off backwards, like I’m reading it out of a book xD Just thought I would share because this kind of stuff intrigues me ☺️

[@Iamthebest1111]

Wow thank you Dan❤your awesome

[@taniamartin6978]

Brilliant!

[@hadassah9323]

Your content is really super helpful! Please write a book 😊

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Uhhhh, I've written four and published two (with the others soon to be published). Check Amazon, my friend--Say This Not That and Energy Vampire Slaying: 101.

[@bhindigosh1]

Great video Thank you

[@sab_1055]

Recently, I was so physically ill after a customer chewed me out at my new job that I called in sick the next day. My role was being badly triggered by any angry raised tone of voice, and being in a position of powerless to assist the customer thanks to my new, ex boss.

[@hiker-Joanne]

What amazing advice!

[@JaymeeKay]

❤ So helpful ❤

[@sallyarrison9726]

😅😅 i love it!!❤

[@jennifermoyer622]

What does the three step bonding process look like for a remote application? It seems a little more challenging to me.

[@the.blue.raven7777]

And if colleagues were sabotaging projects ? Or if bosses actually does not read emails and that causes systems to crash? Or they fail to do any task and consider others should work for them, while they play favorites ? Any recipe ?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

The.blue.raven7777-- Yes, there are many instances where you have to speak up, protect your boundaries and recognize that you are under attack. Absolutely, as I have acknowledged over and over again in my videos. Check them out for the recipe you seek. However, here is what you will NOT find in any of them--throwing more darkness on an already dark situation or using lovelessness as a response to lovelessness. Regardless of how low other people can sink--you are not called to reduce yourself to the same level. You can be just as effective being mindful as you can being ugly. Look at American politics and tell me if you think being the meanest, most gross, most despicable bully in the room is a winning formula when you are under attack (presumably by a bully). Or do you admire people who mindfully win others over to their side?

[@littlemule1]

Shit that is good! I love u lol

[@carmenlove9846]

Hey. I haven't seem you in a long time. Great video.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Have you pressed the notification button? You should be notified daily of either a short or a long video :)

[@warriormanmaxx8991]

@carmenlove9846 - you have not seen Dan in a long time, due to you not looking for new videos.

[@jessicathompson5567]

I never went to my ex boss about an interpersonal problem with a coworker. A fellow coworker, however, went to the ex-boss about me and interpersonal stuff. The ex boss took their side even though I kept the drama to myself. That coworker got me fired with her manipulation that were obviously lies and gossip. Sometimes the boss is a gossip and wants to hear the interpersonal drama.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Can you be more specific?

[@GigiDC]

Hi Dan, when you are speaking about not going to the boss. Does this include when other employees constantly try to disparage me to her, lying about situations and reduñrs in ne being called into the office? This is a school with competitive tea gers. Im not competitive although i do carry more degrees than the complainers. I am being accused of neglecting disabled students.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

If these people are going to your boss--I would request a meeting with your boss with these people present. I would do this only if your boss tells you people are compaining and tells you what they said and if you know they are lying. I would then question each and every one of them in front of your boss and attempt to lay the matter to rest. I would then say, in front of your boss "The next time you have a problem with me, come to me and if you go around me to our boss--tell me you are doing it so I can be present to defend myself against your lies."

[@slickwilly8180]

There innocent; I was taught in my religious training Proverbs 6:30 No man despises a theif if he dteal to satisfy his soul when he is hungry, so when I find that someone has stolen from me irregardless of their motive I say to myself: they were probably just hungry and that deflates my anger but at the same time it gives no satisfaction to the malicious because their theft has no effect upon me.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Very very wise. Hard to do, but surely an admirable goal!

[@kristinbeazley6538]

Ok, I am quite dyslexic and my eyes clearly went to my right to access the ability to recite my number backwards. I always look to the right for things like this. Is this bc I am dyslexic or is there another reason for this?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Mmmmmmm, I don't know, Kristin.

[@warriormanmaxx8991]

@kristinbeazley6538 - 1. do you need a specific reason for "looking to the right?" 2. if you got a reason, what difference would it make??

[@janeb2162]

I looked to my right to figure out my phone number backwards...I read whichever way you look to process could just mean you're left handed or right handed or dominant.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Lots of readings on the issue; you'll have to decide which ones make sense and suit your own observation.

[@jsmithsemper4848]

“I am cool, calm, & collected.” “I know this is going to aggravate you…”

[@the.blue.raven7777]

What is an illusion is to believe that human nature is being loving or that they dont get it or they are hurting when they behave like jerks. Some people are harming others for the sake of it or for their selfish purposes. When someones abuses you, it is not your job to respond with love or to educate but to protect yourself after communication failed.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yes, I'm happy that you used the word "some" when you said that "some people are harming others for the sake of it." Yes, some are. However, you then add that it's not our job to respond with love; it's our job to protect ourselves. I would posit that it is our job to do both; they are not mutually exclusive by any means.

[@the.blue.raven7777]

Ideally it would be so, correct.

[@patriciaikeda2608]

I love you videos

[@BczimHappy]

Thanks!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you so much, AED!

[@mihaeladog7187]

I always look at the right 😅

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You must have a vivid imagination, right?

[@TexasDesert3523]

I noticed i.looked to the right when I counted my phone number backwards. Do you know what that means? Is my brain not working correctly?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Did you picture the numbers in colors?

[@iishuffle28]

Nope. I in fact did not read the email. I have a set time for checking emails and hate when people assume I sit in front of my screen all day.

[@littlemule1]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@JohannahArrington1908]

❤

[@wookman19]

🙏🏻

[@babycakes8434]

My eyes went to the right😂

[@tmking7483]

How is you changing someones behavior _ not about power and control. You communicate the way I want you to? This info can be used for love or hate.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

tmking, it is important to note that I am changing how that person treats ME. I am not trying to dictate how they should behave towards others. I am saying YOU CAN'T ACT THAT WAY TOWARDS ME BECAUSE I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT. We can't change people and I would never recommend trying. But we can change their BEHAVIOR towards us. There is no way this can be used for evil, unless you tell someone "I will only tolerate behavior that hurts me." So far I don't know of anyone who has ever done that.

[@warriormanmaxx8991]

@tmking7483 - do you complain much in daily life, too??

[@nurseannesinspirationalwellnes]

❤

[@SarahRejsa-oi6bq]

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@pamelafelt4414]

There is work harassment and you can tell your boss what is happening.I have had this happen and I said I wanted to tell you what happened and who did it

[@maryann7619]

Yeah, we all looked to the left because your puppy walked by. Also, if counting backwards from 10 is so simple why not just do that? Why complicate things?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Do whatever works for you.

[@hope2985]

Some people do not care how they hurt others to get their needs met. You can not love a guy who has no consciousness to take responsibility for their greedy action Trmp

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I hear what you are saying, Hope. It is really difficult to treat a greedy conman with love and respect, because he doesn't treat you that way. HOWEVER, remember that how you treat these people is about YOU. How they behave is about THEM.

[@tmking7483]

Seems you have not come across a sadist. They get it.Sadists do say 'whats wrong with you' to their baby.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I am talking about how you and I should behave--not how sadists will invariably behave. When you encounter abuse on that level, the ONLY thing I recommend is leaving the situation, or if you are a child, reporting that information to someone you believe will help you.

[@rickhunt3183]

After you've worked out your mathematical calculations you'll find the original problems to a high stress situation still remain and your calculations have not provided you with anything to mitigate the tension, or resolve the situation. If you let someone push your buttons and invoke a knee jerk response then you have let them have control over you. Is that what you want, to have others control you? There's a time to fight and there's a time not to. You need to know the difference. You also need to determine if engagement in a conflict and winning is going to be profitable or wasted energy without the possibility of any gain. If you have a masters degree and you're involved in a petty dispute with a Walmart employee then you are stupid, because you gain nothing to argue with an idiot with no education making 8 dollars an hour. Their life is hard enough, so walk away. You need to be able to control your own thoughts. If you're in a high pressure situation and you lose It, then you're part of the problem. There is no easy solution to controlling your thoughts and focus. It takes self control and practice. That means being exposed to high pressure situations, not avoiding them or running away. How do you become good at math? You work out a lot of problems. How do you learn to handle high stress? The same way you learn to be good at math, encountering more problems. Ask yourself honestly. Are you going to be the lead dog, or do you just want to be the lead dog? If you are going to be in control, be around people who are in control. Follow the examples you observe. Learn what they are doing. I could be more detailed but this isn't my presentation and Im just scratching the surface. Get a copy of The Art of War. Don't read it. Learn it.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Rick, let me respond to just one point you made--the "petty dispute" between someone with a master's degree and a Walmart employee. I take issue with your dismissing the WM employee as "stupid" and implying that the person with the master's degree is smart. Education doesn't some solely from a classroom. As someone humpbacked with degrees, I can assure you of that. The best education comes from an awareness of what is going on around you. Certainly you do a cost/benefit before engaging in a dispute of any sort. But that cost/benefit doesn't include dismissing the other person as stupid because he works at Walmart. If Sun Tzu were alive today, he would not be making that rookie mistake :)

[@rickhunt3183]

@@TheWizardOfWords Thats not what I said. I said someone working at Walmart for 8 dollars an hour was an idiot. I also said someone with a masters degree engaging in a conflict with such a person was stupid. If the person working in produce, running the register, or sweeping the floors was all that bright they wouldn't be there. I think you'd find someone working there a poor choice for an engineer. To be fair I've met plenty of engineers that have no business using that title. Try telling someone making 8 dollars an hour the best education is situational awareness.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Many of them already know it; I don't have to tell them, Rick. My point is that you were making huge judgments based on someone's station in life, without knowing that person at all.