Coping With Shame In Borderline Personality Disorder

[@----79821]

im a male with BPD, and the shame is intense it leads to guilt which leads to thoughts of you know what!! for myself i've always found myself no matter what the situation or who was "at fault" taking 100% shame from myself and 99% of the taking taking on 100% of shame from the other person, so my whole life i've burdened myself with basically 200% shame if that makes sense, it's a weight that's far far far too heavy to carry and is not realistic, i can't believe i'm still here! it's so difficult to flip the narrative and dissect things and see where you were at fault and use that as fuel to learn and evolve and to not take on others accusations of you as they project and try to blame you for everything, unfortunately with BPD we often blame ourselves for everything.

[@1968leg]

My shame stems from the abuse I received in childhood. Blaming ourselves was once a useful strategy as a child. It enabled us to detach from our abusers. But, as an adult, this becomes seriously detrimental. We have to remind ourselves, we were powerless and none of what happened was our fault. We can then start to move on.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Couldn’t of described it better!

[@Plsbringtea]

Practicing radical acceptance healed the most debilitating parts of my shame. I’m doing better now, but it still creeps up

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thanks great to hear!

[@raineradtke3401]

Thank you! This really helped ground me and I'm glad I stumbled upon it.

[@Kcricket82]

Thank you for your video! I don't know if I have Bpd but I relate to so many of the things you talk about. Much love 💛

[@onthelinecommunity]

Any time!

[@charlesbromberick4247]

One of you best and most insightful videos in my opinion.

[@andyveres3982]

Ty Kayla 😊

[@kyliejones8827]

Thank you. Great video. 👍 👏 😁 I think you alluded to this when talking about evolution and remaining in the tribe but just wanted to reiterate that shame is triggered by an interaction with others. It's an interrelational emotion. I guess it could be triggered by a memory but that memory will usually be about something we've said or done to or in front of another person. Shame is my default. I believe I meet the criteria for BPD (definitely quiet!) but am currently on a wait list for a psychiatric assessment. New subscriber here. 🇦🇺 💕

[@onthelinecommunity]

Thank you and welcome to our community! ☺️

[@rubyamaya9139]

Do you feel like this too?

[@diegomunoz7597]

The other day I was told about a person with bpd who, after an episode of anger, began to cry. Is the crying due to shame?

[@onthelinecommunity]

It depends! Crying can be because of multiple things, it might be best to ask the person :)

[@parkerpeters1080]

Thank you for covering this topic, and making these videos. I didn't know there was a difference between shame and guilt. I've recently stumbled upon the term alexithymia, so the context you gave the feelings is really helpful.

[@onthelinecommunity]

Of course, I’m glad I could help!

[@bradywebb3430]

excellent insights

[@user-kcrpine]

Your description of how tribes operated does not apply to all. It applies to women specifically, and isn’t why you feel shame. It’s why you absolutely refuse to take accountability, ever. At least genuine accountability. You feel shame because you got caught or your behaviors will cost you something you wanted. It’s your nature.