Our Allo/Ace Relationship | My FIANCE and I...

[@madelineburgetauthor]

Been married 2 years, I’m asexual and my husband is not. We always knew it would be harder to make our relationship work, even now after two years we’re still making adjustments and figuring it out haha but we are happy and there is hope. I think it’s very cool that you’re able to compromise fully and have sex. I fall more under the “re-pulsed” asexual spectrum, so we have never fully had sex, though we do have fun to an extent. I’m a highly romantic person so it kinda works out in its own weird way.

[@Cupcake._..]

What Allo means can anyone tell me the full form of allo

[@Cupcake._..]

@th3o okay thanks for telling me Good luck for your future relationship 😊 I'm asexual

[@craftyalligator1969]

I've spent a lot of time feeling really down about my asexuality and I always had this feeling that I would never be able to find anyone accepting of my asexuality. But this video gives me hope. Thank you

[@mariaafan31]

Sameeee 💜🖤🤍

[@PersonS6]

I love how open you two are about this! I personally have wondered if I am asexual and if I should start using that label but there seems to be some sexual attraction there even though it's much less than the average person. I have been quite insecure about it for a long time and seeing your way of dealing with it is great! Next time I meet someone I like I'll just try to be open with them which is kinda scary.

[@onlyalicemitchell916]

Thanks for the message! Have you come across the term 'greyace'? It is a perfectly valid form of Asexuality that refers to someone who experiences low levels of sexual attraction or desire but this is muted and considered far less than the 'average'. It's worth looking into if you're having these thoughts and feelings 🙌 Either way it's wonderful to hear you're going to embrace yourself and be open and honest next time you meet someone 🤗 x

[@rockinstrawberries]

I also used to try and force myself to enjoy sex. I thought I hadn't met the right one, or had (good) sex. But every time, I would feel so disgusting, no matter who it was. And honestly, forcing myself to have sex hasn't helped me become more sexual at all.

[@emmab4587]

as an asexual you guys give me SO MUCH HOPE! Thank you for that.

[@harveyscott3295]

7 months on from this video - nearly 4 years together, we're still doing well! Stay safe. -S

[@hazelcoodo4814]

I am also a heteroromantic asexual woman and I just started a relationship with an allosexual. I'm glad to see another couple who is tackling the same things we are and it also is helping me find the right words to have a better conversation with my partner. Thank you :)

[@cherylcharli]

as someone who identifies as gray-asexual, this video gave me so much hope. thank you :') i was wondering how you guys started discussing the "nitty gritty" of your relationship though, like did you have a conversation about how you were going to make it work? how did that initial conversation between you two go? and was it a big issue for your relationship at the start?

[@GVRCLaTeX]

I was not sure what to expect of this video before starting watching. I know your old video(s) and I totally understand almost all points you made back then (me being asexual myself helps of course, male though). I know other allo/ace relationship vids and sometimes they are a bit cringy or send out weird vibes. But I really love this video Alice. I feel you have such a lovely connection and bond with each other. You seem to really feel at yourself in this relationship and don't have to fake everything (besides the acting when it comes to it :D, sorry I laughed out load as you mentioned it). I absolutely love this video and I'm happy for your relationship

[@onlyalicemitchell916]

What a lovely message- thanks so much for reaching out babe! Stay safe and stay connected. Alice x

[@charlottecoyle4862]

Thank you for talking about your relationship, it gives me hope to see two people who have found a way to make each other feel loved and comfortable. I am asexual and have had a very difficult time in relationships, y'all give me hope :)

[@freshestavacado9195]

I really love your synergy with each other!

[@grafinvonhohenembs]

I'm a bit late to the party here, but I just recently realized that I'm demisexual and found my way to your video. Even though I'm demi, I can relate to so much of what you are saying here. Though I know I'm definitely demi, I'm beginning to thnk that I might be a bit more on the asexual side of the spectrum after looking back at my intimate experiences, even with my real relationships with whom I had a real connection and was able to experience some sexual attraction with. I actually got quite excited when you said that you can do it, but would kind of prefer that it would be over in 5 minutes so that you could move on with life. lol! I can perhaps enjoy those five minutes in a different way that you, but that is still so me! XD And having to fake so much stuff. lol! Thank you guys so much for sharing such intimate details about your relationship. It surely has helped me, and from what I can see by the other comments, it has been really helpful and informative for others as well!

[@Cupcake._..]

I'm so happy that u find your person and I hope I will find mine 2♥️ Btw I'm asexual 2

[@Dirkmez]

You forgot Stoob, like Scoob, but Stu.

[@triky305]

Thank you so much for making this video! I recently figured out that i am graysexual and this is the first time i can see how to make it work with the love of my life (my allo boyfreind)

[@henrymendoza8295]

How dare you! I liked Stu when I first met him!! Stop doing yourself down, bud! 😜

[@shastafox6021]

Beautiful. Thank you!

[@dynamicdivinereadings6520]

I ❤ this video. I ❤ this conversation. I'm struggling with my asexualality, I'm in a hetero relationship rn & it's difficult 😫 I can no longer compromise😬

[@ginasgardens]

the matching tattoos are cute!

[@madhavangautam]

I really loved your explanation on the relationship... Just wanted to comment on your asthma.. I've been asthmatic from the age of 2 ... Now it's almost nil since I switched to low carb high fat( lchf) and keto diet. Maybe try it out for a month and see how it helps... All the best u guys.. the vid was really helpful .

[@MrBartolomeo22]

6:20 "Can't have sex with me, but you can masturbate". Yeah, not the greatest example, as anyone can do with their body as they please and don't need special permit from their partner. Also ace people often masturbate too, as lack of sexual attraction does not equal lack of libido. As an ace person, I believe that allo-ace relationships put too much strain on the allo. Sex is not just a form of release for them, it's a form of communication, and communication by definition is a two way street. It should be reciprocated. If the ace person can't meaningfully participate in it (as in, truly enjoy the act), then it's devastating for the self esteem of the allo. Playing compromise game makes it even worse, because it just feels fake for the allo when it happens. You both seem quite happy though. Always nice to see an exception.

[@Angelgurl1455]

This is interesting and I wonder this mainly out of curiosity. Myself being interested in a man that is asexual he is "sex-repulsed" as he put it.... It makes me wonder he might not be able to fully enjoy or want to explore sex if that moment ever arose. And I wouldn't want to at some point make him feel uncomfortable or feel like he has to have sex with me just to keep me happy. In a way, I feel like that would kill me inside. Especially since I am attracted to him on every level. I guess for someone that is "sexual", sex for me isn't about getting off, but it would be a form of expression and wanting to further deepen my intimacy, communication, and connectedness with my partner. Like as you put that it's a form of communication for someone who is allo, and especially in a committed relationship. Anyway, it's interesting to see these different angles and perspectives from others. A lot of this is all new to me and I'm just trying to understand everything.

[@divyanair9515]

I am in a relationship with an asexual romantic.. he didn't know this about himself. Figured it out while with me through a 5 year relationship. I always thought it was trauma induced, being repulsed by sexual fluids/ organs since he associates them with body excretion zones. My self esteem and body image went down to a point where I didn't look at myself in the mirror. But being romantic he cuddles and kisses me all. The. Time. And we have fun together! Which obviously left me confused for so long! He has now asked to take sex off the table forever. And I feel like I'm dead inside. None of the cuddles kisses feel like anything to me. By killing the hope it killed everything else that was good in the relationship. I am still attracted to him in everyway and it feel allmost out of control for me. But now none of the rest is even adding up and I feel like we are just really close friends that share a flat. That's all. I pictured my life with him. And honestly sex was not a big part of my life. But having it taken away has caused tears in every other aspect of the relationship. So yes, for allos sex is a form of connection, and definately not just about release.

[@user-fw1wd2gb1w]

You are 100% correct when you said it puts too much strain on the allo. After 48 years of marriage we discovered that my wife is asexual. After applying everything I learned about asexuality to our entire relationship everything made perfect sense. Sex was never a two-way street. After I came to the realization that trying to satisfy her was impossible I stopped trying. Sex mutated into another form of masturbation. I did it strictly for my own self gratification. Eventually I stopped altogether. I no longer am attracted sexually to my wife. In an ironically perverted way, that is what she wanted our entire relationship.

[@edduardodavid]

Do asexuals have crushes?

[@noemielamoll4921]

Hi, ace here! I do get crushes, in a sense that I like certain person a lot, I find them aesthetically pleasing and want to get to know them, see them smile, hear them talk and be near them. But as I did mix up meanings of things in the past, Im not sure if my definition of crush is the same as an allopersons definition of crush. There is also a thing called squish, which means that you want to be friends with someone real bad. For me crush and squish is almost the same. But other than that I certainly still think that aces can and have crushes.

[@ladypharoah5929]

Asexuals still experience romantic attraction with the exception of aroaces, so crushes can very much be related to aesthetic attraction or romantic attraction... Are crushes usually sexual attraction? Because I thought it was usually romantic lol

[@leslieferguson9562]

Not a licensed psych person, but as where my heterosexual older (62) self now realizes (after a period of abstinence for 3 yrs, before my current/2nd marriage) I may have been 'gray-asexual heteroromantic' all along in life...? (And I may still be using the wrong term...?!) Then compounded with sad decades of fornicating alcohol initiated trists...that some turned into shackin' love relationships...and my first marriage, based on love and too much alcohol (talk about a mental mess I'm trying to undo)---I think I've got something to offer here.....? BRAVE OPEN LOVING COMMUNICATION, has always been and always will be, the umbrella problem of the world for world peace...and peace in the bedroom. EVERYONE NEEDS TO TALK ABOUT SEX/LIBIDO, AND A LOT. Do NOT fornicate....TALK FIRST, before sex...PERIOD. No drunk/drug lust-driven sex. If there is not a even match for sex/libido and all the way to the opposite that is no sex/no libido....don't proceed deeper/longer into the relationship, if there's a mismatch. Most people are UNABLE to overcome sexual mismatches; that's like the biggest reason why there are so many break-ups and divorces. My new husband (55) and I are trying to navigate (we are both Christian; chose abstinence willingly, but yet still did NOT talk about any prior/sex issues, enough!) mismatched libidos/sexual-asexual issues in the honeymoon phase (!) ...let alone menopause and a newly diagnosed thyroid issue (both, cause low libido) that also have come into play (I thank God we based our relationship on friendship/love, first!) Lots of prayer...hard conversations...clear/concise talk...'Rome wasn't conquered in a day', the saying goes!? LOVE, WINS and by the grace of God praying we will 'win' in this area too! May you two, stay committed to each other's vows and win! God's continued blessings on you!

[@lindzesanders5319]

I don't think any partner has a right to censor your media consumption (porn) or limit your self pleasure. If that makes him or her feel small, they need to examine those feelings. Otherwise, great video & thanks for sharing. You've helped me and, from what it looks like, a good number of others.

[@user-fw1wd2gb1w]

I could be wrong but I would bet the farm that he got the hell out of there. He is too young to knowingly enter into a personal relationship with an asexual like her.

[@onlyalicemitchell916]

Hi. We are married now. Bye.

[@user-fw1wd2gb1w]

I guess I would have lost the farm. Congratulations! I have been married to an asexual for over 50 years.We discovered that she was asexual after 48 years of marriage. It can work but it isn't easy. Good luck to you. Bye.@@onlyalicemitchell916

[@joarcokru]

Proof that the phrase "You'll grow out of it once you meet the right person" is true. Get rid of all the labels and all you see is a couple who have different sex drives. Just like most couples.

[@onlyalicemitchell916]

Congratulations. That's exactly what asexuality is you doughnut- someone who falls in love like anyone else but has no desire for sexual activity **mind blown** I have not "grown out" of anything. My stance on sex is just the same as it was when I came out 6 years ago. I think you need to clean out your ears and open up your eyes a little more...

[@joarcokru]

@@onlyalicemitchell916 Or perhaps you should study more about sexuality and learn from years of experience from couples who have to cope with different levels of sex drive but still love each other very much without any need to "come out". These labels, flags and participation in movements don't help. Understanding your own sex drive before committing to a relationship and being open about it to your partner from the start does. And that, if you remove the identity part, is exactly what you have done. Congratulations to you both.

[@joelpearson2352]

Not sure why you’re commenting all over this channel so desperate to erase asexuality. If the term fits the situation, use it. That’s the way words work. What’s your game??

[@morbiddiathesis4428]

You must be getting it from somewhere else.