Were You Asking For It? Sexual Assault Survivors Answer | Can Ask Meh?

[@OGS.Official]

Thanks so much for watching! We're making new content over at O plus by OGS, and they covered a similar story on a survivor of child abuse. Watch here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/porThYdonLaUd8U If you or anyone you know needs help, you may reach out for support: Sexual Assault Care Centre 6779 0282 (Mon-Fri, 10am-10pm) sacc.aware.org.sg Oogachaga 6226 2002 (Tue, Wed, Thu: 7pm-10pm; Sat: 2pm-5pm) Oogachaga.com #AimForZeroSG

[@carolynjeandorfner6012]

P

[@p1nkmaggit]

P

[@shaellywork]

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[@circlinq]

"arousal does not mean consent" this is so important

[@tigresmom5654]

I really liked that she mentioned that too.

[@riel1822]

Im so glad that she made that statement

[@cretians]

katharina i know right, mindblown

[@agneslalvenhimi5330]

Exactly, and i hope everyone Even who have not experiened any kind of those mention action understand it!

[@growthinorederwithdiane]

So many people don't realize it. #educateyourself

[@sophiepalmer-doran344]

"No" is a full sentence

[@julidee_]

Right

[@nio731]

Sophie Palmer-Doran its a word

[@jianejiane1540]

@@nio731 it's also a sentence. It's completely understandable by itself unlike other words that needs verb or objects to justify the thought.

[@urmomisgaygay2933]

Sophie Palmer-Doran my next insta capiton

[@satanicpanic2781]

@@nio731 no. It's a full statement

[@mariamatmos4506]

NO PERSON asks for being sexually assaulted or harassed. No matter the circumstances.

[@barshana6231]

Those who think that the victims wanted it.. they must have screw in their head or they are insane

[@return210]

Exactly exactly

[@ffffbshejsbd2072]

Nobody forced you into a relationship. Nobody stopped you from going to the police station. Stop putting blaming society for your problems

[@KelpSeaweed1]

Ffff Bshejsbd keep that same energy if it happens to you or anyone close to you :/

[@porcupinesauce3872]

that seems rather myopic, I'm pretty sure if ur wearing and dancing in a suggestive way natural movements makes it so. we have become so civilized that human interaction requires consent to everything. unless it doesn't cos I'm sure ppl that could have accidentally or by misjudgement placed a hand faced the harsh prudent scrutiny of a not just lightly offended but will report u to the police entitled individual.

[@tiffanyvoerman]

When I was raped, I told a male friend and he laughed asking how someone as tall as me could be overpowered and raped. I couldn't believe it. No matter how strong someone looks, they can be overpowered, drugged or manipulated.

[@noname-tu9gb]

how tall are you?

[@Rinsuki]

That kind of stuff just makes survivors stay silent because it is a form of victim blaming. This is the same argument for when men get sexually assaulted because they are "strong" and men can't get rape. Doesn't matter how the victim appear or what they were possibly doing, this gives no one the right to do this. I am sorry for what happened to you and what your friend said. That is just wrong.

[@CedellaPopoTM]

So insensitive of him...be strong love

[@eliko8482]

Drop this “friend”

[@idconfirm]

Im sorry that this has happened to you. I hope that you are doing better these days without this kind of "friends"

[@drjennyli]

Everyone is very brave in this interview. True survivor. Also, thank you for inviting a man to talk about his experiences. Because men can be the victims too, the public needs to know that

[@otakuneow4560]

the government needs to remove gay sex as a crime by law. It because of this law that even straight males are hesitant on reported similar incidences.

[@jevasamy]

@@otakuneow4560 agreed . .totally ... i also think same ...

[@LuanaJantz]

I know rapped men and it affects more because of moral norms for the most of them of what they told me, they ashame there sexuality so much.

[@nemoh1649]

indeed

[@oliviali3544]

Look. I do not agree with this but I do understand it can happen and it exists. Women who had been raped have to face way more than men who had been raped. Men and women also have different genitals and the female sex organs are more easily to get infected or harm.

[@lydiat5819]

It is stupid to ask whether they asked for it, totally inconsiderate.

[@lna4481]

Lydia T I don’t think it’s a legitimate question somebody asked but I’m guessing it’s asked in this video on purpose to get all of their input on how much of society keeps saying that they’re “asking for it” so they could break it down for us how they didn’t! Hahah don’t worry, I don’t think anybody actually would ask that insensitively.

[@lydiat5819]

@@lna4481 Yes, I agree they had been asked to answer point blank in this video but I hope it is really true that no one actually asked this question to their face except in the courtroom.

[@lna4481]

Lydia T agreed!

[@glittery_cucumber]

This channel has a bit of an issue with being tone deaf, but I'm hoping it's a language barrier type of thing

[@idconfirm]

As a survivor, nobody has asked me that question point blank but they have asked me a whole range of questions that insinuates that I was asking for it. *TRIGGER WARNING* Questions include, "Were you wearing something skimpy / sexy?", "Were you out late at night?", "Were you sitting inappropriately?", "Were you flirting with him?", "Why were you alone at that time?", "Why were you at his place?", "Did you make him mad?", "Why did you argue back?" When you get these questions, you often feel that the fault is always the victim's, never the perpetrator's even though they are the ones who don't have sensibility and self-control

[@xWinterstarex7]

That man was so right...if you both agree to something and in the middle of it the aggressor does something that breaks that agreement then the consent is no longer valid. This video has so many good valid points. That sheathing thing is really dangerous too since if this isn't your committed partner and just a one night stand or something you can be put at great risk. Especially by some carriers of STDs who enjoy infecting other people without their consent and without telling them of their STD

[@mikajulius8148]

100% spot on.

[@jacquelinelaface136]

There was a man convicted to life in prison in the UK for passing on HIV by intentionally breaking the condoms after his partners agreed to sex with a condom. And he didn't disclose to them what he had done and his positive status until weeks later so it was too late for his partners to take the proper preventative medication. That is definitely sexual assault in my book.

[@elvira1380]

Jacqueline LaFace oh my god that is horrible, why would anyone even do that??

[@randommusings48]

It's actually called stealthing.

[@4-68jaygoh9]

Kinda sus ngl

[@shahh231]

Video : “survivor of sexual violence” First question : “were you asking for it?” I am so mad rn

[@Lia-hi9gi]

I hate the people saying stuff like: „it's her own fault if she is wearing clothes like that" or „she asked for it" or „she was flirting with him, it's her own fault" It is making me soo mad everytime I hear or read this. I never experienced sexual violence, but I feel so bad for every person who had to experice it and I respect all of them who stayed strong. And I've been called a hoe or a bitch a hundred times already, and people tell me that I look slutty. But, does that give you the right to touch me or any person if they don't want you to? Just because you think I look slutty does not give you any rights over my body and my voice.... I have a choice and everybody on this planet, in this universe, in this and in any other lifetime should have a one too. I hope yall will stay strong!

[@shahh231]

Juliane Meier yup! Never let nobody decide what you can or cannot wear. Hope you are doing well, dont care what other people say, do you :)

[@doriot543]

I couldn't believe the audacity they had to ask that question. Of anyone's. Who would ask to be raped!

[@lukeme465]

A lot of people claim that victims were asking for it based on their behaviour of the way that they were dressed. This question squares away that issue straight away to show that it is in no way the victims fault

[@devinam3251]

I think the question is just the interviewer team's "sarcastic" way to make a point that they were definitely not asking for it

[@peiqi4576]

Feel like teachers should start talking about this, so that students know how to protect themselves from young. Stop victim blaming, it’s horrible.

[@iamkels5297]

Pei Qi I really wish they would too

[@dylanseb1090]

In my country schools teach kids about things like that.

[@Hourmongous]

they do! source:my primary school

[@RoseGstar]

It begins with parents not the educational system.

[@wholeshebang1]

@RoseGstar - You'd hope that parents educate their children about their body parts (proper names), consent (starting with hugs), self-worth, various forms of touch and more, in age-appropriate ways, so they will be informed and less likely to become victims or perpetrators. Unfortunately, many parents don't have those conversations, because of their own conservative attitudes (sometimes based on their religion), and their own lack of knowledge. They also might think that by teaching their children these things, they will seek it out, which is ridiculous. It's about educating and protecting your children. Children learn a lot about life and social aspects in school, and they need to know this information to protect themselves, so if parents aren't going to do it, then the schools need to.

[@dhaliathilagar6308]

It hurts my heart that he couldn't approach the cops because him being himself is a crime already. Please stop this, everyone deserves the same treatment when it comes to being a victim.......

[@porcupinesauce3872]

I think it's called karma. what about the victims to the crime he did? then we should look objectively between the victim and the accused as well past records, evidence and testimonies.

[@adelaidemckenzie4047]

porcupine Sauce wtf? Being gay isn’t a crime and obviously there r no “victims” who suffered because of it

[@porcupinesauce3872]

@@adelaidemckenzie4047 i never said being gay was a crime. The police treated his case with less concern cos of previous crimes he was charged with.. I would presume stealing would be one of them

[@cierracrawford4220]

porcupine Sauce no. Youre completely incorrect and you did not pay attention. He said he was scared to tell the police about what happened bc he was scared they would arrest him for being gay. He committed no crime. Please pay attention the video before you speak on it

[@cierracrawford4220]

porcupine Sauce so don’t you DARE say that someone being raped is their karma. He did nothing wrong. I hope you get some kind of karma for that disgusting statement

[@ginasreview1030]

"No I wasn't...because I was 7." I...no this is NEVER normal. That's disgusting & NEVER allowed. To anyone from a child to a grown up.

[@federicapiottoli6922]

She meant it as "how can you tell me I was asking for it when I was literally a child who doesn't know what "it" is?"

[@thebusybeanhomecafe4035]

You missed her point.

[@victoriedits]

absolutely sucks that my only memory of sex education in sg was about periods and pregnancy. it really made me deny my sexual assault for a long, long time solely because i didnt know what to label it as. my heart goes out to all survivors, especially these four people in the video. thank you for bringing up awareness and for teaching more than schools ever did in regards to a taboo topic.

[@jjgal92]

Same goes. Till Today mine remain unspoken because it was never taught to me and i was too young to know what it is labelled as. And because its so long ago, it gets harder to speak about cause ppl expect you to have moved on etc.

[@eddy-currents]

What happened that you wouldn't know what to "label" it as? Isn't it as long as you didn't consent/were forced into doing sexual acts you didn't agree with = sexual assault?

[@yosaraholivo8477]

@@eddy-currents you'd be surprised. It took my therapist to TELL ME that I had been abused, even tho I knew the definition of abuse, most of the time you don't realize what happened to you because the experience in itself is confusing and traumatic, and your brain tries to protect you from it by blocking it or minimizing it. I didn't realize was abused until 6 years after it happened.

[@Hourmongous]

i got thaught about sexual assult in my primary school

[@victoriedits]

@@eddy-currents i was 13, it happened when i was sleeping in my own bed and the assaulter was someone i thought would be safe so i was quite in a dazed. i was 20 when someone shared their story with me and ultimately made me realize.

[@fembot521]

My ex boyfriend tried to strangle me once. I told my brother and he said “what did you do to make him do that”. I felt guilty, like it was my fault. I dismissed my own feelings about it after that.

[@persephone8960]

hit him back. hit any men that tries to hurt u. any free hand or leg u have. do not ever let a man touch u or hurt u.

[@rahatferdush1080]

do you want to talk?

[@josephcisneros9135]

*slaps your brother*

[@desertrose00]

some people are so ignorant .. they dunno how to respond. and these kind of responses are so WRONG. they makes the victim question themselves.

[@szantai123]

Omg. Are you ok xxx you brother and ex boyfriend make my heart break for you. Xxx

[@ky_sharkB]

I still remembered when I told my mom that I was sexual harassed, she asked me why I didn't come forward earlier. Like the survivors said, IT WAS HARD!!!

[@MrsPikaPikachu]

Wow she seems like a heartless mom. Without any question my mom would’ve taken that person down immediately.

[@indrankosana3332]

I totally understand, when I told my mother she said it was my fault and I’m the one to blame because I let him into the house. It really changed the way I see her as my mother... it also caused me to lose trust in people because the one person that was supposed to be there for me wasn’t and this was when I was 16💔

[@fact_got]

That happened to me as well. She said I'm the stupid one for not telling her about it earlier. I hate her 🥰

[@newcomerlegend7391]

It is very hard I was lucky i managed to spit it out when arguing with my mother and sister. I didnt want to go to the police but they were not having it and found a cop right down the road where we were. I realize if it weren't for them making me go, I wouldnt have reported it.

[@newcomerlegend7391]

I'm sorry to those who confided in people who reacted in a unhelpful and heartbreaking way

[@kuensedn1529]

"arousal does not equate consent," jezus fk. that hit me. tonight i seek solace in these comments and this video

[@shadowblastxtreme9032]

Don't want to have sex or probably end up in sexual intercourse when you are aroused? Then don't bother that other person.

[@ywluv]

@@shadowblastxtreme9032 bruh- it is *the other person* bothering the victim, what shit u talking ?

[@skyboy1988]

Mentally dun wants it while body having reactions is a natural thingy going on..

[@lindayoung936]

I don't know you but out of all these comments yours stood out to me. I'm praying for you 🙏.

[@tazylab6233]

@@shadowblastxtreme9032 they don't mean it in that way, they aren't saying they feel aroused first, anyways no means no. But if you don't listen to the video, they were talking about the physical sensations to which the body responds to abuse or rape, some excitement can be felt, because the body is still formed of nerves, erogenous zones that respond to the being stimulated, that does not mean you want sex or anything similar, sex is mostly mental and the body reacts

[@noviscuit]

“It’s very easy to give blame to the victim, but ww dont talk enough about the aggressor.” “At the end of the day, it is all about consent.” Man he’s on point! 🥺

[@idconfirm]

Great to see that a man is included in this interview. And yup, it's awful when people compare how "severe" the sexual violence is. like what Pamela said, "Oh, you got molested. You didn't get raped." like as if that makes my experience any less traumatic that it is. Most of the people who told me this are often friends with good intentions - friends I've known for decades. If you have a friend who has / had been sexually assaulted, please do not say such a thing to them. It really hurts. Instead, listen to them, be there for them. Sometimes, you don't have to say anything more. If words fail you, show them that you care through your actions. And to fellow survivors - again, to reiterate what Pamela said - if your friend ain't helping and choosing to insult / offend / question / shame you, be prepared to walk away. Sometimes, the very revelation of your experience can turn some people's world upside down. Often times, they can't accept it. Be brave, accept that and move on. It can be a lonely journey but know that with time, therapy, self-care and /or a good support network (cos not everybody has that) can help you

[@sneezingsuspense]

Anyone can be a victim of sexual violence. This is so important

[@reikaratnam]

A man? That’s a boy, not a man

[@fayedevrught6547]

Reika Ratnam how is he a boy?

[@mamartinez2583]

@@reikaratnam bro what

[@RH-th2py]

Yes, a homosexual man too they really tried to include all types of people and I love that

[@mallory2779]

“it doesn’t have to be a violent act for it to be sexual violence” I think that is really important

[@cretians]

I’m really blown away by how concise, well articulated and intelligent these lovely humans are about this topic, amazing. Wish this content was around for when I had my horrible experience, my own mother asked if I was lying and also said “what happened that you got yourself into that situation” holy fucking hell. These people are warriors for going through the stages post rape/sexual negligences.

[@menola8560]

I experienced something similar, even though my mom really is a sweetheart, which made it even more difficult, because I thought I was the problem.

[@ninarunne1827]

Yes, this video is empowering. I'm thankful to the ones that choose to share their story. They truely are warriors, and so are you!

[@thecurvysage]

That's exactly why I never told my mom.

[@palettedpersona]

I'm so sorry that you guys had to go through what you did, not only the traumatic experience itself but the added pain when someone you trusted to tell didn't believe you. I hope you all can find solace and healing and know that you are very strong and loved 💕

[@OGS.Official]

The Ministry of Law has said that LGBT individuals will get the same protection from sexual violence as others, "Sexual orientation doesn't matter, who you are doesn't matter... if you are violently attacked... you can be sure that action has been taken," said Mr Shanmugam. Full article here: www.straitstimes.com/singapore/ministry-of-law-working-on-letting-singles-apply-for-protection-orders-against-intimate

[@nadiabrook7871]

GOOD!!!!!

[@parvatinambiar5957]

I personally felt really emotional when Devika talked about how by reason of her very early sexual violence experience, she felt like she was introduced to the pleasures of the physical body way before she was supposed to naturally. I have never previously heard someone saying that out loud. This means a lot to me since I am also a sexual violence survivor and I was 6-7yrs at the time, and I had grown more curious about physical pleasure at a rather young age due to this, and till date I always felt like it was something wrong with me, and that I was a young dirty child.This combined with my Indian family was been super hard, because we're told that doing anything related to sex is dirty and makes you a bad girl. I had never correlated it to my sexual violence episode. Thank you for finally making me feel better about my younger self Devika. I'm 19 now and have finally achieved some closure.

[@TheDevix94]

Thank you Parvati. I’m grateful to hear that my sharing helped. ♥️

[@pc3116]

I was abused by my some one my family knew from age 6 years for a period 3 years ,he was 8 years older than me. When I turned 14 , he showed interest in me again and told me he always liked me . I wanted to be pure like Goddess Sita ,so accepted his interest so that nobody else will touch my body. hindsight ,so happy was not married to him. More power to everyone who has gone through abuse

[@killawalez3944]

Same, when she said that I was like “whoa yeah that makes sense”

[@sleepyreeno]

Thank you for allowing a male victim to have a voice.

[@mallory2779]

“they also don’t owe it to anybody to explain the graphic details of their incident just so the listener can feel that it happened or that it’s a valid experience”

[@krollpeter]

In Germany there are hospitals equipped to record physical evidence of sexual violence. The victim can go there and get this done for free. The hospital can not report to the police. Once the person is mentally ready, he or she can make a police report. That has come out as a powerful tool.

[@ma_de_sa5848]

I really liked everything that Devika brought up. I really like that she even mentioned male sexual assault since I think it gets neglected a lot. I think male sexual assault happens a lot more than what we think. I've seen a lot of stories about female teachers taking advantage of male students and things I've read about male sexual assault stories on reddit and it's heart breaking because a lot of the time they were taken advantage of by women and didn't tell anyone because they thought they were meant to enjoy it because men are supposed to want sex. People do awful things in general not just a specific group of people. But what we can do is to make sure everyone no matter their sexual identity are not ashamed to come out when they are a victim of sexual assault, or anything for that matter.

[@latenightcashews]

i agree. it's so important for us to acknowledge that men aren't immune to sexual assault, certainly boys aren't as well. it's depressing that the patriarchal culture has instilled in them, out of many things, that showing any sign of weakness would diminish their masculinity, something they're supposed to revere. lots of men themselves fail to see that they've become stifled and disadvantaged in other ways in such a culture too.

[@swiftmew1312]

Do not protect your abuser. I’ll say it again: DO NOT PROTECT YOUR ABUSER Because they won’t protect you, they’re just protecting themselves if they tell you not to tell anyone.

[@inxougta6021]

ugh the way this hit too hard

[@siromarortiz]

They asked "were you asking for it" because everyone asks that. And they wanted to share the answer is always NO.

[@Pyricangel]

I was assaulted by my teacher, and when I went to report it, the police said telling me that even Victoria secret models wouldn't allow the photographer to do what he did to me. It was then that I canceled the charges. I lost my voice that day. The assaults after that, was because I couldn't say no as it was happening. I physically pulled away, or said that I didn't want to way before it happened. Consent is not just verbal. It can be physical too. If you want to have sex and your partner snatches away from you and turns away, that too means NO.

[@bebaios]

That's terrible. But you are brave because you are using your "voice" writing this down ❤

[@agirl6455]

"Arousal doesn't mean consent" In case you don't understand it, let's put it this way. The body responds to stimuli, like what Devika said. It's like getting burnt by fire. You don't want a fire, or an explosion, but someone caused a fire. The fact that there's a fire that I don't want doesn't mean I won't feel the burn, or my skin won't react to the burn. So yeah, rape or sexual assault victims can orgasm or get wet and NOT WANT IT!

[@peachesp7409]

I'm very grateful for the male point of view on rape and also because US culture very rarely talks about the strange case of orgasm during rape. It's not talked about or understood enough

[@harumanalphaessence3593]

It is connected to Stockholm syndrome

[@shelbyeades9002]

@@harumanalphaessence3593 no sarcasm, but where’d you get that information?

[@Koutouhara]

Unfortunately, I completely understand what they were saying... I was assaulted when I was about 5. I didn't understand what was happening, so I just went along with it thinking it's normal. It wasn't til later that I realized it and had to process the shame and pain from realizing it. I never told anyone growing up and coped with it in my own way. To this day I haven't completely told my parents.. they know something happened but I won't tell them more because it was like 20 years ago and I don't want to go through it more directly again. I've told friends and my partner more because I felt it was important to let them know, since I have mental illness that I'm dealing with. Also, when the #MeToo movement was gaining traction, my mom thinks that people are lying or exaggerating or whatever, she doesn't get why people would hang on to it for years... That plays a lot of the role in me not saying anything as well.

[@therranepoh8619]

Maybe if you wld try to tell her that, she will understand more? And it might be relieving on your side too

[@jnicky7978]

same thing happened to me .it’s the worst when your All grown up and you have to suffer the pain especially when it’s in silence also it was hard to trust men and feel comfortable around them but I found one that I could genuinely trust and I’m grateful for that tbh

[@Koutouhara]

@Medico Notes thank you for sharing.. I know it's rough. If you have a trusted friend it could help to talk to them & get support, but do what is best for you. Whatever makes you feel safe! There are a lot of people that believe in you!

[@Koutouhara]

@@therranepoh8619 I know this is many months later (KZbin has a crappy notification system)... But I can't tell my mother everything. She's made it very clear when others stories come up on the news that she explicitly thinks they are lying for attention or something because, in her words, 'no one would hide being assaulted, they would go to the police immediately'.... Which we know is not the case. When this came up sometime later & I was advocating for the metoo movement yet again, she off handedly asked 'nothing like that has ever happened to you right?' - to which I said 'even if it had would that change your view about the movement?' - she said 'no' but I was different because I was her kid... That isn't reassuring. All the people of metoo are someone's kid as well. My parents know something happened when I was younger but not what happened & that's all they need to know. I have no proof or anything like that & my mother would just make backhanded comments & put others down around me. I don't want that. Not everyone has reliable parents or people that respect their decisions.

[@noemiebiniakounou1434]

I went through similar experience around the age of 8 or 10..it is terrible because I never got fully over it and it impacted a lot on my relationship and how I viewed sex.. I also erased it from my memory so I had flashbacks only years later on..

[@balakamajumdar5432]

The girl with dyed hair is so well spoken

[@seyoungkim8767]

You can really hear the pain in all their voices. . . . Brave survivors. Great respect for these people. Hopefully this video will help prevent more issues like this. Have a good day everyone.

[@Mandy-yb8oe]

EVERYONE should watch this. The courage and candidness (not easy) demonstrated by these survivors are truly admirable. Thank you very much for sharing with us. Once again a brilliant video by OCS!

[@amandaenriquez3901]

These people are so brave, everybody should watch this video, they mention so many good points. I wish sex and sexual violence/ rape stopped being taboo so people can reported it and be believed, listened and taken care of.

[@arachelviveeramalay8831]

This is so hard to hear. Everyone who chose to share their ordeal was incredibly courageous and brave. Bless you all

[@lawrenceng1743]

This episode is such a milestone content in Singapore and in Asia. Such a taboo subject that few dare venture. The guests are super brave to have survived the abuse and lived to tell. They are even more heroic to be so willing and honest to do a video. Big hugs to each of you. Yes, I want to say, "it's not your fault"

[@petyazaharieva2241]

As someone who was sexually assaulted, I can say, with a hand on my heart, I felt enlightened. All of these people, bless their hearts, they genuinely opened my eyes about a lot of things, broadened my horizons in a way. They all spoke of topics and things that I have never heard anyone talk about. Important things that have damaged me because of an understanding I, myself had to form. But now I know a lot of things people generalize about rape are absolutely false! So thank you! I needed that!

[@lavaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Hi Devika your story touched me a lot and I know for a fact that being an Indian and Tamil that my parents will react the same way if something ever happened to me like that.Your really brave and such a mature person.Also I read the comment commenting about and your acting and nonsense and I can I just applaud you for being so calm and responding so nicely even after them being so hurtful?Thank you for all the brave souls in the video sharing your story not many people have the courage to do it.

[@sahana3547]

I’m also a indian tamil, but if I was touched in anyway my parents would have fire coming out of their head, they would be that mad, they taught me from a young age that if anyone touched me like that I would tell them, hats why I’m not aloud to have sleepovers and stuff because they care for me, I live in Australia which is far from India but I visit Singapore for layover flights, my parents are not tiger parents they do not care getting the highest mark in everything and that’s why I wouldn’t have anyone else to be my parents.

[@ダンゴムシの親指]

so glad to see this comment section being so surprisingly civil. thank you to these survivors for sharing their experience. we still have a long way to go, but we're getting there.

[@whiskytango1515]

Brave speakers. Strong people we can all learn from. Another quality production from FOGS!

[@Broski682]

I felt like crying after watching this video. It reminded me of the day it happened to me in my secondary school. I recently went back and told my trusted teacher about what happened. She have been encouraging me to report to the police. But it happened 3 years ago. I realized how difficult it was for me to move on afterwards. The part about the police questioning victims is so true. I've made a police report once about a salesman forcing me to buy whatever he was selling, then I let the incident go but I saw him again after a few months. The policeman reprimanded me by saying "why didn't you make a police report earlier? You wait for what?". Then I had to explain to him and I burst into tears. I feel like after this incident I wouldn't ever make a police report ever again or seek help.

[@sayurik]

Even making a police report doesn’t prompt the police to make an immediate investigation if your life wasn’t in danger. You would need to go to a judge after you make a police report to authorize the police investigation. It’s not a perfect system and if you’re just a teenager/ child, you would be totally helpless unless you’ve supportive adults around you

[@menola8560]

same thing here, I went to the police and all they told me is that apparently the guy didn't feel guilty, so it's not his fault.

[@Broski682]

@@menola8560 wtf kind of logic sia. Urgh next time im going to start an organisation to support ppl in sg. Seriously.

[@nubkaaj7225]

When I was very young, my parents had to work so my mom would drop us off at my auntie's house. My aunt's kids (1 female & 1 male) would baby sit us. The first memory i have with my male cousin was when he took me into his mom's room and told me to get in a little hut he had made. He laid down and told me to do things with him. As a little kid, you don't know this is wrong. I did as I was told. this abuse happened for years, even trickled down to my sisters as well. In middle school, I saw my sister walking with the principal crying. I was confused why, later that day I come home and there is a police officer asking questions. Turns out they came because my sister told the school officials she had been hurting herself because my cousin was sexual abusing her. They had social workers come in and question us. I just remember my parents in the kitchen cleaning and i just cant imagine the pain they felt when they found out their kids have been abused for YEARS. It makes me so emotional to think about it and for the longest time I always blamed my mom because she always dropped us off at grandma's house or aunt's house for us to be watched. But now that I'm an adult I cry over it because I know my parents were just trying to make a living for us. A few years ago in college, I was so emotional one day for no reason and i started crying when i was walking back to my car and all these emotions about my sexual abuse came up and i started texting my mom and questioning her why she and dad never did anything to our abuser. Why did they continue to let him come over to our house for family get togethers and why did they buy him presents for his brithday?? When my mom replied to me, she told me that for years that she and my aunt didnt talk, during that time he had a parole officer or something and had to do a ton of community service and just a lot of other things went on that we were never told about. For the longest time I thought they let this predator out in the world roam free but little did we know what he was actually going through as well. I'm not sure if I've forgiven him or not. I feel like i forget about it sometimes but whenever i see the words or hear someone say "sexual assualt/abuse" I'm automatically triggered.

[@bebaios]

I'm so sorry for what happened to you, it's really wrong and disgusting.Also, forgiveness is such an hard thing to do, and the fact that you discuss about wether to be able to forgive or not amazes me. Thank you for sharing your story, I hope it was helpful for yourself as it was for me and the many people who read it. Wish you the best!

[@nikkiart1272]

So sorry this happened to you

[@rehtafrey]

am i the only one angry with the indian ladys parents? kids don't even know how to handle a cut on their leg so why they expecting her to understand her trauma.

[@anubagchi1436]

rehtafrey so typical of India parents. After my assault, my parents asked me if I was a sex worker.

[@aaAa-bp1yd]

Anu Bagchi I'm sorry, do you want to talk about it? My mom is middle eastern, but she has been sexually assaulted and that's why I feel as if she would believe me if I told her.

[@Sam-lq7qi]

I think a lot of it has to do with not being able to come to terms with the reality of that happening to your own child. At least they pursued legal charges. That's more than most parents do, based on what I know has happened in my family.

[@Tefixitafuckme]

My parents told me "but he didn't _rape_ you, did he?" 😒

[@philswiftismygod1451]

I am so glad they mentioned male victims as well. There are people who genuinely believe that women cannot sexually assault a man. And also glad that all these people have come forward.

[@charlenekimberlyco8698]

Not too long ago, something happened with an ex-partner that I thought was fine, like it was normal and everyone else has probably done it as well, so I didn't think much about it until recently. I wasn't too sure if what I went through was even close to okay, and watching this video helped me realize that it wasn't. Thank you so much to this channel and the spoken victims for answering questions I've been asking myself too.

[@classyme7533]

Kimmy Co omg same

[@bensmith8957]

I'm sorry that happened to you

[@dorcascristy601]

This is truly the MOST comprehensive, well said, progressive, and INCREDIBLE set of interviews about something so important. Thank you.

[@aishwaryamuralidhar8272]

You are not dutifully bound to please him. That made me tear up.

[@skippytrooper3727]

Thank you so much for saying that our body reacts. I was assaulted and I always feel guilty about it because of how my body reacted to the assault. Hearing two women talk about how our body reacts is very reassuring. "arousal does not equate consent!"

[@alondravalencia4581]

It hurts my heart that you can really hear the pain in most of their voices i pray that they heal from these traumatic events they are so brave for sharing their stories

[@rosebud0391]

I am SO happy that they talk about sheathing because that is a real issue, true betrayal and just as bad as rape but no one really talks about it or they feel like its just a little thing but it is not. It is a type of sex that you did not want, that is sex without consent, that is rape.

[@baharomkamin654]

A million times better than CNA content. Real and raw.

[@Emmiejblack]

Devika is the doppelganger of Rupi Kaur literally...

[@cgvalle11]

I thought it was Rupi at first!

[@arshadray8422]

mey malngiang yeah exactly

[@sissyboo]

I thought it was just me who saw that! an exact duplicate, it's unreal!

[@johneBGood]

This is the first time that I have been aware of anything group like this! At the age of 4 and my sister was 5, we were sold by my father to a family who abused us physically, emotionally and sexually. For 11 years I was abused sexually 4 to 5 times every day. Now at the age of 65, I am still confused sexually. I enjoy the arousal and the climax but then I feel dirty and no amount of water can get me clean. So much to say and so much to be ashamed of. I went to so many counsellors to try and deal with my feelings and I was told that if I was a woman they would know what to do, but because I was a man they did not know how to help me. So, I have buried everything inside of me and experienced so many failed relationships based on never dealing with my emotions and feelings of being a bad person. I have the feeling that in some way that it was my fault.

[@breakthesilence1891]

I know it's hard , but please don't blame yourself for it. You were the victim and it wasn't your fault. It must be very hard for you to hold these emotions for so many years , please share it with someone you trust and lose some of the burden.. 💜

[@bebaios]

you are being brave talking about it, starting with the internet community who can be really open minded about it (as everyone should of course). I hope the best for you, to get what you want in life, to shake off this bad sensations you have of yourself, you feel them but repeat to yourself that you are not them, there is nothing wrong in you, the wrong ones were the others, they deserve all the blame. And I understand it, our society is slowly opening its mind to men abusing too, but still it's an underestimated issue. Youe story was an help spreading the awarenesss of it. Live your life at the fullest! Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you an happy life!

[@am-zj4mq]

It isn’t your fault you did nothing to make that happen you are not alone and fuck the counsellors who said they couldnt help you purely because of gender. You know what happened and that’s what counts, I believe you. You are so strong for even coming out about this you arent a bad person because of your experiences, you are not dirty, you are not any of that. You aren’t a victim you are a survivor

[@sandraakinnadeju3280]

😍😍

[@sandraakinnadeju3280]

Jesus loves you!

[@koorisora]

Glad OGS always include a huge range of interviewees, in this case both female and male interviewees are involved. It definitely gives different perspectives. It's never easy to overcome, it takes years to get your mind sorted. And this experience stays with you forever. On the other hand, it's pretty disappointing to hear that these survivors couldn't approach the police for help because they have to consider how reporting will backfire them instead of saving them.

[@RoySimply]

They are all so eloquent about their journeys in processing and dealing with sexual violence, I hate that they went through what they did, but seeing how they are able to speak, educate and increase awareness about it now, speaks volumes about their healing and compassion for others to want to publicly share in their vulnerability. I have nothing but respect for them, and I hope things only become better for all who suffer in the same way. Much love guys.

[@Sammy117]

Very relatable. Thank you for putting this out there. As a survivor myself, it was very moving (and validating) to hear from others.

[@ashleymisso1796]

Every single one of them articulated their stories and feelings so perfectly despite having gone through the unthinkable. It takes a different kind of strength and I hope their friends and family know and acknowledge that all the time. This was eye-opening, to say the least. Thanks for sharing your stories.

[@y0jin]

Everyone is so brave sharing their stories. I have to admit that this is very tough to watch but I believe that this video is necessary to educate people about how such acts affect others. Thank you.

[@maryb.1489]

I appreciate how this video brings up so many topics that are not spoken about enough (rape within relationships, arousal not equating to consent, broken conditional consent, etc.)

[@henrylim4662]

To every one shown here and the many others who are suffering silently, I salute you. It was a traumatic experience that no one should be exposed. You need not share it but you did. KUDOS. Please remember that you didn’t ask for it. It was a life-draining experience that unfortunately had happened to you. For the rest of us who are lucky to escape such traumatic events, let’s just be kind and gentle with everyone around us because we never know what trauma they have been to.

[@aces985]

I just want to give them all a hug 😢 I’m glad they all realize that they’re not in the wrong and I hope they all heal the way they want

[@gladyslee8589]

so much respect for everyone in this video

[@huilin0708]

wow. the comment from the male about not wanting to report and the fear of being prosecuted. Singapore needs to up it's game. Also had issues with the first question, tad insensitive there to ask if they were "asking" for it

[@zhengyangwang214]

I think they asked it because generally it's still a very common question coming from ignorant people. It's to let them break it down why it's wrong to victim blaming in order to educate the public so yeah, it was done in a different context.

[@Gehslol]

Thank you to these people for sharing. This has opened my eyes very much. That lady really needs to be casted as Jasmine in Aladdin...

[@augustinecyr]

It's so heartwarming to see people in our society beginning to feel more empowered to share. More of such content please!

[@rabbit5000]

i'll be really interested in an eating disorder episode :) keep up the good work

[@naba7646]

Major respect for all these people who were brave to speak about their trauma.✊🏽

[@YumiSaranghae]

I'm crying my eyes out right now.. I needed to see this video. I was just thinking about this exact topic yesterday to see if such videos would help me and then suddenly I saw this video. Thank you. I really mean it. Especially the words they directed towards the viewers at the end just hit me hard. I pray that no one evers goes through a sexual violence experience or any harmful experience generally..

[@devhomebody7405]

you guys are so brave, i really appreciate that you share your story. It takes immense courageous. I hope you guys heal better each day

[@rebeccawilson406]

This was very helpful to watch, and very emotional for me. I spent 5 years in a relationship with someone that raped and mentally abused me, 2 years later and I wish I would have left him sooner or reported him. I’m learning to be kinder to myself now, I can’t change what happened, but I can survive it.

[@bensmith8957]

I'm sorry that happened to you

[@shreena96]

The first lady tho wow her story is like so close to home but the difference was my parents didn't do anything and I was 9. I didn't have any evidence since he brought me to a secluded place so yeah, can't even report it

[@debramm]

im sorry to hear that

[@dinishanagalingam4515]

same. i was 5 when it happened but we were able to hold him accountable after i was medically examined.

[@4leftclovers]

I feel so heartbroken after hearing all of their stories... Especially the ones with the yellow outfit- I just want to go give her a hug, I'm literally about to cry.

[@bellaseed2789]

Oh my god...I’m so sorry that you guys went through this you guys are so strong . I hope who ever did this to you goes through so much pain bc of what they did to you ... I love you guys so much ..

[@hannahtan9596]

This was so relatable. Happened to me before too at 17 and i was terrified and was afraid of victim shaming or people not believing me if i told them. I was afraid of the judgement of family and friends so i didn’t tell them till years later when i felt better. Thank you so much for making this video, everyone was so brave and amazing for being able to talk about it for all to see. Please share this video with everyone!!!

[@bensmith8957]

I'm sorry that happened to you

[@antesipation9881]

I am glad this video allowed more people to open up with their own stories

[@maddymcdonough3567]

Thank you so much for sharing your stories and in turn educating thousands. Being the receiver of sexual violence must have been so hard to go through and I cannot imagine how terrible and utterly terrifying it was. You are all incredibly brave and amazing people :)

[@SereneDior]

Thank you for addressing all the sexual assault issues that are usually not talked about. Arousal does not mean consent. There's various coping mechanisms, denial, self harm, ignorance, etc. PTSD. You can get PTSD after experiencing anything traumatic, not only war. Being/been in a relationship doesn't mean they had rights for sex with you.

[@charlotteolivia114]

I was 10 when I was sexually abused- by my older sisters boyfriend. I went through 5 years of dealing with the guilt and heavy weight of feeling like a burden to everyone around me- I’m 17 now almost 18 and I can finally talk about it openly with other people- Watching this today brings me to tears just knowing how tough and brave you are to speak up about something like this and to actually over come this type of thing- I know today that what happened back then is not what defines me, I decide what I want to define me- I will not let it control my life and the way I see people and the world.

[@bensmith8957]

I'm sorry that happened to you

[@picardy7488]

Everyone is so articulate - it's clear they have thought deeply about this issues. I'm glad that there is a male speaker - it's courageous for him to speak out and clearly state when his boundary was crossed and what started out consensual became assault.

[@jennifert7403]

I literally cried watching this, because i relate to them so much, it's hard to move on from this, i might be smiling and bold and look tough but sometimes the fear that the person who harassed me put in me never leave, it's always there. The insecurities and fear that i have towards men or in a certain situation never left me. The image of the way those eyes disrespected me never left, the way they always asked "what did you wear?" And "why did u go to his place?" Stuff like that makes me feel like it's maybe my fault, and starting to blame my self. It's hard.

[@KevinGarcia-nv6rx]

I’ve seen all this controversy about this on twitter ... I’ve been talking about this lately too w my girlfriend. It’s crazy how they’re many ways out there to define sexual abuse. I’m sorry for all the ladies who’ve been through this and I’m sorry y’all experiences aren’t being heard and believed!

[@joudanon5342]

These people are so strong. I can only hope that they are okay now. I hope that every survivor and victim know that they are loved and appreciated. They matter and their story is valid. To every survivor, this random stranger on a KZbin comment is very proud of you for making it. You made it here, to today. I could not be prouder - your story is valid.

[@mikajulius8148]

Wow,these people are SO brave to speak out on this.I really applaude their bravery & thank you for highlighting the fact that men can be victims too!!So important.

[@blackngoldcuttlefish3390]

17:31 - 18:18 This part resonated with me...I've come to similar conclusions from things in life (about good and bad, like how can someone "good" also do something so "bad"...it's a tough one).

[@raynasuan6079]

this is truly truly eye-opening and inspiring. thank you so much for your courage to share your experiences. Respect.

[@DefineImaginary]

I had a bit of the same experience. I told friends of mine what happened to me when I was in high school and they both told me they didn't believe me. I was 14 years old and didn't really know what my next steps were and to have people I trusted tell me they think I'm lying really made me believe that's how everyone would react, so I didn't end up doing anything when even at that young age, I would have wanted to hold the student who assaulted me accountable. I didn't end up telling anyone else until I was 19 and found out that I would of course be believed, I just needed better friends.

[@mangocaramelz]

This video has got to be one of my all time favourite videos. Thanks to the production team for making this such a respectful and educational video. And of course, sending love and support to the ones in this video and to everyone out there who is going through emotional hurt and trauma. Your feelings are valid. Don't let the many ignorant people in society tell you otherwise.

[@sunlimited268]

First question : “were you asking for it?” uhm....who ask that kind of question?!

[@mariamnasser8807]

suraj pal a lot of people.

[@evahayford9567]

i was actually sexually harassed and when i tried to tell me my mother she said i was lying and that i probably asked for it. she then went on to say "did he rape you" which he didn't so i said no then she said "Then it shouldn't be that serious "

[@Veronica-tn2xc]

Open your mind. Questions are hard but they must be done. This is a real documentary.

[@evahayford9567]

@@Veronica-tn2xc what do you mean by that

[@아핚핚핚-v5w]

@@mariamnasser8807 who has low empathy or not know about that fact.

[@mll5530]

I hope these courageous guests have attained the much-needed peace fully by now. No one deserves all that you have gone through, and it is surely not your fault at all.

[@Bekka_boo13]

It's not just singapore that the victim is always blamed...I have been sexually assualted but people seem to think it "wasn't even that bad" cause i was gropped...By my boss...at work...

[@idconfirm]

that's sexual harassment. ignore what others say that "it's not that bad" because it's your experience, not theirs. Consider reporting your boss anonymously to the authorities. But most importantly, keep yourself safe first before everything else.

[@Bekka_boo13]

@@idconfirm its sexual assualt no support made me get PTSD

[@shadowblastxtreme9032]

@@Bekka_boo13 seek help, mental help in any way.

[@Bekka_boo13]

Would you like to pay for my CBT then x

[@shadowblastxtreme9032]

@@Bekka_boo13 Just being gropped, i was touched by an old dude when i was 14 years old. Sometimes people just think way too much about it, no wonder why it wont get better.

[@leostarsigngirl6914]

I was raped and a survivor of sexual violence and thankyou so much for sharing your stories your helping more people then u know you wonderful beautiful souls ,

[@bensmith8957]

I'm sorry that happened

[@amberj1832]

I honestly really feel for them all, they give me hope tht I can still have a normal life after it from 8 to 13 I’m 15 now , let’s just say I really think I’m gonna be honest with my family about it soon, I think I should get the help.

[@bebaios]

you are being brave talking about this, good luck on your choice!

[@hambo9215]

08:14 - 08:40 is big facts...it took me years to share my story. I was 7/8 when it happened, I didn't share until now, I'm 27. my mom found out through FB and I wasn't the one to tell her. Please don't assume its easy to share these things bc its not. Thank you to these brave souls who courageous enough to share their stories with the world. For survivors, please don't blame yourself, take the time you need to heal. you don't have to share your story if you're not ready but when you ready say it even if your voice shakes and remember you're not alone! This entire video struck a chord with me. Thank you Our Grandfather Story for creating it.

[@emptyangel]

Hi. Just wanted to say that your content is 10/10. Thank you for making this series! Keep it coming. :)

[@staygoldponyb0y]

It's crazy when you can relate to every single word someone is saying - the idea of having two almost parallel experiences, when you grow up thinking you were very alone is mind-blowing. Seeing her acceptance of herself makes me see how I can foster that within my own self, and *that* is exactly why we need to be talking about sexual violence in an open forum. Thank you to everyone who spoke in this interview.

[@forever21always]

Thank you for your courage to putting it out here.

[@fallen6667]

These people are so strong. As a sexual assault survivor I’m not sure I could have answered some of these questions let along without sobbing. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[@menola8560]

"good people can do really bad things"