Overcoming Shame in Narcissistic Relationships

[@fabianafran927]

"It´s not your job to keep other´s fairy tales alive". This is so right Dr. Ramani! You have spoken for many of us!

[@yukio_saito]

They ask you "why" but they don't want to know the true reason. They just blame you. 😖

[@matikramer9648]

That's this why is actually rethorical. You don't want to start answering that kind of questions.

[@Alison-o9d]

Yukio, this is why there is a huge “cat lady” coven in Salem.

[@amyadams3215]

Exactly right, they don't want the truth because they don't care to know or solve the problem...they always flip it back on you, even when you tell them the truth. It's word salad.

[@karenlumpkin2918]

What I disliked hearing from people about being abused is " I don't like it when people say bad things about other people." Meaning I should not say anything about being abused or my abuser.😢😢

[@Electric-Bird-Set-Free]

This.

[@jackiep5009]

This last four months of my life has been endless judgement from everyone about what I should and should not be doing. It’s getting old.

[@ginkgo2021]

I got “don’t be bitter” when telling “friends” within days of discard. Geez

[@Naomi-vs1tl]

Isn't it strange how we, as a society, accept that people can bomb, murder, rape, torture, steal from other people, but when someone has been emotionally abused and wants support, people withdraw and act as if such acts were simply unbelievable. Like you, I was given that line about "saying bad things" about other people, by my "friend" who stopped me after the first two sentences. I feel for you, it's so much harder to deal with all the emotional fallout from such a massive deception (covert narcissist) when you're not even allowed to talk about it with the people in your life who you used to believe actually cared about you.

[@karenlumpkin2918]

@@ginkgo2021 My gosh. That's awful.

[@CollinHill]

The reason healthy communication doesn’t work with narcissistic relationships is because It’s not a real relationship. It’s an enemy posing as a relationship with the desire to control you, manipulate you play their sadistic game they think they have the right to play.

[@lesleyelalami2562]

It's extortion from people with fragmented psyches imo and experience.

[@MS-zw9bm]

“They think they have the right to play” is so true!

[@rogerrabbit6276]

They know exactly what they do. Let this sink in.

[@jackiep5009]

The smirk to me proves it

[@elenaruiz73]

“Burning and drowning so called witches, that we now know were just outspoken women who were tired of being abused”--Love you Dr. Ramani for speaking truth

[@connie9492]

There is so much abuse in this world for women.....always has been. Some patriot once said the price of FREEDOM IS ETERNAL VIGILANCE!

[@danarchambault8723]

Most people don't understand there are some truly evil people

[@butterfly2604]

I do ... been living with it for too many years 😢and pray daily to get out and escape..

[@TheMmiguelito]

🫂💕😪​@@butterfly2604

[@amirat8162]

@@butterfly2604I pray you do so as well ❤❤❤ Good luck, you are so worthy and you deserve it love!!! You’re not alone. ❤😊

[@butterfly2604]

@@amirat8162 Thank you..I'm finally getting Help and therapy to save the rest of my life. I feel old and sick but still feel my future can be happy and trust God is ending this Karma.. Light and Peace and Blessings to You.

[@goldieshawel8683]

And they don't want to hear about this mental illness...and how dare we name it...the perpetrator walks around hiding his sickness to the outside world...only the victim knows all.

[@marysisak2359]

My father started to molest me when I was 4. I loved my father. I thought "I will whisper it to my mother and she will make it stop." This was in 1957. Aunt, Uncle, mother, family doctor said "Don't tell lies like that, Mary Ellen." It took 50 years for one of them (my mother) to acknowledge it but only when I confronted her and even then with denial of her own part in the conspiracy. I suffered a lifetime of effects and they all watched and said nothing. My life was the sacrificial lamb that allowed them to live in their fantasy world.

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

❤❤❤❤❤😢

[@bean0615]

I am so so sorry. That must be terrible. I hope you find peace. 🙏

[@Earthether]

❤❤❤

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I’m sorry

[@MwendeVetelo]

Oh Mary Ellen. I am so sorry that you were molested and unprotected. and worse that when you spoke up you were invalidated and minimised and gaslit by him and his enablers. You deserved better. You deserved safety. I'm so sorry Mary Ellen. I hope you've found that safety somehow. Hugs to you. You're so courageous for being here. We're all so proud of you. 🤍🤍👏👏👏👏

[@ΘΕΟΔΩΡΑΚΑΡΑΠΑΠΑ]

It's easy to blame the victim.... They don't want to hear you, Because then they will have to do something about it.... And they don't .... give a dam..... Thank you Dr Ramani.....

[@pinkmeadows]

when I was younger I called one of my parents out to a family member and I was told on to both parents. I was NOT believed and suffered hell ever since. people would rather keep and live by the status quo. they want to stay comfortable even at someone else’s expense.

[@MarisaPaola-um5yb]

Narcs are their true selves behind closed doors, and without witnesses. My narc sister and father will give strangers presents, affection etc in order to get one positive experience..from a new source.

[@tahwsisiht]

And because of that: never making real changes and make life better.

[@TKouklaki]

It’s really A Lot to take in. And unfortunately most of the times you’re exhausted, weak and drained. Alone & left out in the cold.

[@amandasimpkins1297]

Yes, with no energy to do fight back or do anything but be depressed and cry

[@moniquejackson7741]

So Brilliant. "Please don't be the sacrificial lamb to make someone feel good about the messes of their situation."

[@matthewwozniak9138]

Better to be single and alone than be with a jerk.

[@alienlizardqueen8748]

Society has the same attitude towards people with chronic illness and disabilities. They'd rather believe that you did something to deserve it than acknowledge that bad things can happen to good people.

[@goldieshawel8683]

And they don't want to look at mental illness period.

[@thetruthseeker7154]

Or society expecting you to outdo yourself. Or telling you that you're lazy. That you haven't done enough. When you're already suffering because of your illnesses

[@joyjournal6157]

Yes, or that you are just lazy or lying about being sick.

[@abowling5759]

Definitely real!….this tendency for people to blame rather than empathize/understand helps abusive people to continue what they’re doing….and the targets to feel shame in addition to what they went through at the hands of the abusers.😢

[@sushmayen]

They're like the main character in their movie..and we're like just specs of dust for them.

[@goldieshawel8683]

Not even a spec of dust...lol they are so sick..

[@amandasimpkins1297]

More like the freaking trash in the trash can

[@amandasimpkins1297]

Amen

[@shainanash8518]

"behind closed doors" the narc abused. I won't qualify why. I stay away from most people. I stay in my lane. I get it, now. I was blamed for my own abuse.

[@PeggyDonahueRogers]

Ditto

[@ummassiya7435]

You are right the thief is wrong, the rapist is wrong, the narcissist is wrong and nothing gives them the right to do what they do but we also can not ignore the fact that these people exist and must protect ourselfs. We do lock doors and dont walk allone at night . Not because theyre right but because we are realistic.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

You have nailed it dr Ramani!!! ❤ every single sentence you said deserves to be quoted! We live in the culture of toxicity to the max! Thank you for your voice of sense and reason!

[@ritaespitia7540]

I’m finally free from a narcisist! 🙏🙏

[@orielwiggins2225]

I get so tired of this kinda thing, and when it's done to me (all too often) I honestly get fully triggered and fully dysregulated. Thank you so much for advocating for the victims/survivors of abuse. They should never be the ones carrying the weight of the shame for the things that were done to them. They would have support love and compassion to help them relieve their own heavy darkness that they are already in due to the bad behavior of someone else. Thank you, please don't stop using your platform for this kinda thing. So so important!

[@maruscacancun746]

Absolutely true, especially in the church community. Had I not had copies of his emails I wld have remained unbelieved. Narcissists are evil. God and his mercy delivered me. Took yrs to get over this trauma.

[@marysisak2359]

Look at all the sexual abuse victims in all churches that are still not believed or expected to just get over it.

[@Tarotlynx]

If god had mercy, you wouldn't have been in that nightmare in the first place.

[@valiizajames925]

Thank You...I needed this video! It is so to stand in this truth! For me because I have been so surrounded by "toxic" people my entire life. I am essentially standing alone, so again Thank You because my healing is not for them, It's for Me! 💐🙏🏾✊🏾

[@thompsonlauren1004]

Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective [e-mail] for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.

[@Rose19695]

"Why didn't you lock the door? This is your fault." Bingo!!! It is so easy to blame the victim! I got blamed when my ex cheated on me--"Why didn't you see the signs? Why did you trust him?" "Why (this)? Why (that)"? I was supposedly engaged to him and we are supposed to trust the person we are engaged/married to. I did it right. He is the perp here, not me. I did right to trust him. He did wrong by betraying that trust. Put the blame on the one who is committing the "crimes".

[@AnaM.F]

I totally agree .

[@TaylorElizabethHunt]

Yep. Why didn’t you leave

[@saprwl68]

This video is spot on in all areas!! They cannot believe that old manipulating person is that kinda person, he’s so good at pulling the wool over these peoples eyes! 😡

[@msq837]

This is so powerful…the dismantling of the “status quo” of victim blaming is long overdue.

[@youngblood8540]

"F That" 👍 😂, "Come on now, it can't be that bad!" WRONG, it's WORSE!

[@Smartbeautifulawesome]

😂

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Like really worse !

[@Tarotlynx]

It sure can. Mother was a nurse, and knew that bruises would raise questions, so she never caused bruises. But emotional trauma has no evidentiary trail. Just my (and my sibling's) word again hers, and she knew how to win. I'd never stand a chance.

[@RavenStealstheNight]

Being raised by 2 malignant narcissists, (each were outed by 2 different psychiatrists) I want to say out loud that we, who are raised by these disordered people are quite literally the canaries in the coal mines. Too many times we see things that others do not. And we have knowledge that it seems others want to deny. The legions of people who inadvertently become flying monkeys to malignant narcissists, only compound and multiply the abuse. I have *NEVER* understood why so many blame the victim. The only thing I have come to realise is, these others are chickens. They don't really care and it's easy for them to further their delusion. Its easier to side with bully than to defend/support a victim. I've also noticed that these 'others' are the first to demand help if abuse comes after them.

[@shainanash8518]

I get it.

[@janjeny]

People do not love righteousness.

[@jaysay1429]

You ain’t never lied Dr. Ramani!

[@antoniatheodorou2655]

My father stopped talking to me 5 years ago because I realised that I cannot give him constant praise for literally everything as I did for all my life. And he was so angry he threatened to kill me. I called him today because he has cancer. I really don’t know how to feel. Thank you Dr Ramani for your helpful videos.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

My father passed in 2016 very abusive! Had me trauma bonded till the day he died. At this point in the game , I actually forgive him. I don’t forgive what he did to me.

[@homefryniles3983]

"Why?" Is like a auto-redirect back to non-acceptance and self blame and others blaming the person in relation to the narcissist. It's a reinforcement of suffering.

[@Marketsolo]

My mom is still living, and was the negative narcissistic parent who hated me but loved her son. He, of course,is the golden child, born 8 yrs after me...and treated like a precious gift. I finally learned to just ignore them both. When she dies I will not go to her funeral as I know my brother will get whatever is left of my dad's legacy, plus my mom's. At one point she had promised me the land her mom left her, but when her sister sold hers, so did my mom. I know already I will continue to get nothing from my "mom". It explains why as a small 3 or 4 yo I used to pretend these evil people had stolen me from my real parents who would have loved me..

[@pamturner7257]

😢

[@abowling5759]

@@Marketsolo I am sorry you had to go through this…I went through a very similar experience with my mother after my loving father died.

[@karensibal3314]

I’ve been through it the past year since my dad died. I’ve been dismissed, unseen by my narc mom and sister and physically attacked and raged at by my crazy sister. No one understands how painful this really is. I’ve gone no contact because my health got so badly affected. There’s a dark black hole you really can’t talk about with anyone. Even well-meaning friends don’t know what to say. This was a really great video. Being unseen and told I’m bad and stupid most of my life has affected me on so many levels. As much as I try to shake the bs off, it has affected me.

[@lorianttila9698]

Omg! You go, girl. With that kind of passion, you can not but help those of us in the world who understand everything you just said. Thank you for not only seeing and understanding us. You are giving us a very strong voice. Thank you

[@bronwyntanner4501]

Oh yes yes yes. Absolutely 💯 which is why I educate myself daily. It's not about me. It never was. It's absolutely real and up to me to be informed as much as possible and look after me. Listen and learn daily

[@musica4567]

"Stepford haze" 😂😢 Yep. I am so grateful for you Dr Ramani!!!

[@bradmcewen]

I definitely hear some fire in Dr. Ramani's voice ! 🤜🤛✊️🫡

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

Amen Dr. Ramani!!! This really hits home.

[@marysisak2359]

amen

[@diannalamantia1518]

Dear Dr. Ramani, I am amazed that in your professional world you are still gaslighted. Your knowledge has helped and even saved so many. Thank you for standing in your knowledge and providing a foundation and clarity to all of us. I personally have been healed more by you than any other effort I’ve undertaken. I thank you and I hear you and I appreciate you more than I could say.❤

[@tosca9561]

I want to recognize and commend Dr Ramani for her unrelenting support and help to us all who suffer from the agony of narcissistic abuse. You are truly the greatest blessing to everyone here. I don’t know how you find the stamina and strength to give so much daily in what must be terribly difficult and depressing circumstances. You literally make an immense difference even saving lives. Your commitment is astounding as is your grace and compassion. 8:00 Thank you is not enough to say. Bless you!🦋

[@Houstonwehaveaprob1]

Thank you so much for all the videos. I LOVE the "blaming the robbery victim" analogy....SPOT ON!

[@jasonwimberly5636]

In every generation, there are always a few truth tellers. People who are compelled by adherence and fidelity to it. Thank Goodness there are. Otherwise, we’d all be lost in the sauce.

[@Michelehoffman-q7c]

I suffered severe emotional damage at the hands of my Borderline mother, my malignant narc sister, my in laws, step son and best friend. I have CPTSD as a result, and have been smeared, gaslit, triangulated and eviscerated by each and every one of these loathsome creatures-but I've no self pity, rage, but no self pity. I'm here to tell you that a peaceful life is doable, that God helps those who help themselves and that no contact is the only road to healing. Don't beat yourself up for ANY emotion you have, feel the feels to heal the heals. God bless each and every one of you warriors-you are beloved.

[@marieb3966]

Thank you so much Dr. Ramani, you keep me alive. Without you I have no doubt I would have succumbed to the insanity and been dead by now. Stress kills, hopelessness kills, despair kills....we need you. I needed you. Thank you a million times over. From my heart I love you and thank you.

[@PCAGA2298]

I am very isolated. No one knows the truth about my relationship. He’s always perfectly nice to others.

[@lesabrydson2526]

Went through that isolation hell..... Privately Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏👍🇯🇲🫅🙌🤲

[@leilagomulka5690]

Spot on. Over and over again. 🌹

[@JB-js4ir]

The real problem is that my family is annoyed that I’m upset about how hurtful they are, said the scapegoat… Thanks so much for finally helping me articulate my feelings.

[@LGP210]

Personal experience. I was treated as if I was upset and bitter about not getting the relationship I was hoping for, a romantic one, when the problem was I went through intense devaluation of myself as a human being.

[@Neresdipity]

Me watching at 1:46 : "F that!" And then Dr. Ramani gave the ultimate validation ☺

[@namedeleted5945]

Have been unseen, blamed and called crazy my entire life. people just cannot believe my history is the truth. I GIVE UP!!

[@BobTheSchipperke]

Survivors are capable of being introspective so perhaps it is convenient for enablers of narcissists to want survivors to carry the burden, make less waves, just deal with it, to give in like enablers choose to do.

[@PenninkJacob]

I hate that there are so many ways to keep narcissism going, to enable narcissism, to support narcissism, and to take the side of the narcissists. There must be a way that nature has made to rebalance the injustice and stop the perpetuation of narcissism. I keep looking for that natural solution... What has nature given us to fight narcissism??? 👍❤❤❤thx!

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Awaken empaths educated on what a narcissist is we have a fighting chance

[@PenninkJacob]

@@SherryTomlinson-r2y I wonder why nature allows for the construction of a "gun" which is used to dominate and control? There must be the equivalent of a "gun" for decent good-faith people, right? Is it really true that nature favors narcissists?????????

[@sonyariggs5925]

The heck with Warm and Fuzzy

[@geric.5183]

I kicked the can down the road for 20 years because of an inconvenient truth, clever covert abuse with shame and exclusion within a friend group. Her weapons were isolation and gaslighting solely directed on me. No one saw it. I initially felt a tremendous amount of guilt and sadness for ruining it for others by leaving. Dignity, inclusion and kindness are now my non negotiables in all my valued relationships.

[@davidhynd4435]

It adds to the overwhelming sense of isolation. I was asked "What did you do wrong?" and "If it was as bad as you say (!), why didn't you get marriage counselling?". And so on. It ends up being a form of gaslighting that just adds to the feeling that you're losing your mind.

[@cherylmosqueda6416]

Thank you so much for all of this information!! Love how you get it and are able to break all of this down and explain it so well. Especially when we are so bogged down with the unstable and daily challenges of dealing with a narcissist! I so appreciate this!!❤

[@m.c.5459]

I needed to hear this today. Sometimes my depression paralyzes me, because I feel so alone.

[@americawaters4257]

❤

[@tosca9561]

I hear you. Me also. It is beyond being bearable sometimes to slog thru the abuse, trying to heal and deal with the unstinting disbelief and gaslighting of others when you so desperately need understanding and a safe place. I have animal companions and withdraw to be safe because it hurts too much to be ignored or blamed for the narcissist behavior and drama. It is impossible to be motivated to do anything except bare necessities for me and my animal companions many days. Life is not fair and you have to realize that you are the only one that can save yourself. It is depressing and daunting but you have to do it somehow. There are worse things than being alone. You can find a measure of joy and grace in small things by shutting off the agony to enjoy something simple just for itself. One small effort at a time on and on until you can better cope. It isn’t easy but it can get better. My heart goes out to you. May you find strength and comfort.🦋

[@m.c.5459]

⁠ I almost went to the animal shelter today just to look at the dogs and be near them. I’m not ready for the responsibility of having a pet yet as much as I would like to. I wish you well on your journey of healing.

[@AnaM.F]

@@tosca9561Thankyou

[@jshelley4592]

I love your title and I could only wish I was unseen. This narc looks for me, walks in on me unannounced and will come from a strange direction sneeking up on me when I'm watering trees.

[@chima1415]

“IT’S REAL….” That last sentence gave me the shivers 😢

[@shainanash8518]

Thank you for another great pod cast. I hate blaming the "victim" because it is easier to do this. It exacerbates my situation. I like to do work arounds and keep my thoughts to myself and or to people who validate my feelings.

[@Earthether]

Truth here Dr…. Mistreatment is always wrong..

[@DominieRobinson]

It's appalling how quickly outsiders and onlookers dismiss the Truth of the carefully crafted hidden abuse and Blame the victim/survivor for "making bad choices" or "allowing it ..." When I was faced with these wellmeaning but Totally Naiive NaySayers, I just went Silent. quickly Shook my head and Walked Away ! Nuff Said

[@Earthether]

Dr Ramani.. heart felt hugs your way sister

[@helenenorman3598]

Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪

[@cosmocookiemonster]

Thank you for sharing! ❤🙏🌷

[@AnitaSharma-hc3ib]

Some people dont try to understand that such evil people are exist ❤lots of gratitude mam❤I appreciate your efforts❤

[@huntermckelvey9486]

Today, i had to relinquish my rights to my kids. As i am in recovery for narcissistic abuse, as well as childhood ptsd, said narcissist is drinking her life away. This video was the most cathartic thing ive seen in a while. Thank for doing what you do!

[@maevey3]

Exactly what I needed right now. Thank you.

[@BuckleyThompson]

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator [e-mail] to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

[@Recoveryasrrrfgrdbgsdff]

Dr Ramani wow That's my life completely I make it Unconvenient and an irritation to their fuzzy lives. They would rather throw me under the bus an abandoned and shame me for even bringing it up.

[@Recoveryasrrrfgrdbgsdff]

I have never felt more validated thrn this very moment. Thank you. Your such a strong women. It's righteous anger !! We need a movement of support somehow. My son is suffering too in thr fetal position as an adult. The shame the manipulation and excuses and protection for the abusers is uncanny. I can't even wrap my head around it. Fuck those enablers.

[@junefletcher4538]

Thank you Dr Ramani

[@plumduff3303]

So true

[@29Janice]

This has proven to be so true in my situation. Only 3 months ago I finally learned why I was unseen and not heard while growing up. It took years and years of counseling and a narcissistic request from my sister to bring this to light.

[@ginkgo2021]

A therapist threw me under the bus. I didn’t know what covert narcissism was until shortly before my last session with a licensed therapist. All the things I shared with her after my discard. It was not me or my lack of intimacy as she concluded that caused my abrupt discard from a thirty year marriage. I endured multiple decades of gaslighting, projection and extreme passive aggressive anger. This therapist is employed by a national online mental therapy company. I wish I had a screen shot of her perplexed face when I described episodes of narcissistic rage. Her advice - it would not have happened had I set boundaries. In my second to last session with her, I shared with her that I had found some info about passive aggressive covert narcissism. I felt empowered. Her response? “Everyone has narcissist traits.”

[@OriolesPhillies]

This is so spot on. I've commented on your videos many times to share my story, Dr. Ramani, so I won't do it this time (I've been journaling a lot). Thank you so much for validating my experience when no one else really knows or believes it.

[@TheBomberoandres]

Thank you Dr. Ramani!🙏💪🏾❤️

[@jerihozey1480]

After 10 years I finally told my daughter she was abusing me - verbally, emotionally, that weaponizing my grandchildren was cruel torment. What followed was rage , screaming - the upping of the ante if you will. I blocked her and am in a 2 week no contact, to heal. What I do next , I don’t know

[@Hlc1023]

I felt so unseen and so unimportant to him. Ghosting, leaving me on read, all of the psychological abuse I took and kept going back for more. I knew his behavior was abuse, called him out on it and he laughed at me. He actually laughed and told me I was making it up, being all drama like. I’d cry to him and he’d tell me my tears were fake. My God, I’m a strong independent woman who turned into something, someone I didn’t know. I’m still trying to find Heather wherever she went.

[@johanna11980]

There si so much to say this ... and yet for now I simply say, "Yes. Yes. Yes.....

[@genevalawrence801]

Dr. Ramani, this one hit me with the force of a tsunami. My children and I are that inconvenient truth. Thank you so much for this powerful validation. I am so tired of walking through a world that insists that our experiences can’t possibly be real. Because admitting that they are real means accepting that people, families, and our society are capable of perpetuating powerful harm, and often do. And that those doing the harm rarely present as villains. And that they are not in fact “safe,” although they might be lucky. It feels awful to admit that the only thing protecting them from being abused is chance. Or that they are already being abused and were taught that it’s normal. A lot of people can’t cope with that admission. So they turn on the person who reveals what lies beneath.

[@Smartbeautifulawesome]

Thank you for being so honest this is the truth

[@elizabethbettencourt1116]

Inconvenient truths! Amen 🙏

[@shellysawchuk1190]

It so nice to have the life I lived is not just in my head it was abuse and so cruel

[@MrsLynn-hy6fd]

Thank you. I have been waiting my entire life for someone to speak that truth.

[@catimonster]

I’ve been through a number of narc relationships/friendships, the first was my Mom and the last was the worst malignant one I have ever been with. He is pure evil and I am positive he would have killed me if I’d stayed. My Mom has always been controlling and never allowed me to have my own identity. My 3 siblings moved out of state in their late teens to escape her and I always was happy for them. I chose to stay near my parents for two reasons; my mom wouldn’t allow anything else and I loved my dad so much, I couldn’t let her abuse him. I was often able to redirect her behaviors by being silly and making her laugh. Every day in her presence was exhausting. The siblings had little contact with my folks for decades but when my dad passed away and our mom’s Alzheimer’s was at the point she couldn’t live alone those siblings came out of the woodwork. I was legally awarded conservatorship and guardianship of our mom, that was 2 years ago and the siblings have made my life a living hell. Even though I am a very kind and empathetic person, I am viewed as the problem. Nothing I do is right and one sibling harasses me so badly that when I don’t respond she blows up my phone/email with threats. This last time she threatened legal action against me. I haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve actually don’t an incredible job yet over a month ago that sibling told me I was a vulnerable adult and she should have all say in finances. Our mom has become so sweet and I now love her so much it hurts. Two of my siblings don’t give a crap about her, it’s about their inheritance. The one who bullies and harasses me only talks about finances. Another accused me of fraud. I’ve never stolen anything in my life. The other sibling says I should just get over it, it’s a sibling rivalry, and when mom dies I never have to speak with those siblings again. I told her that’s enabling the abuser and she doesn’t want to talk about it. She feels I should just allow the bully sister to manage all monies so she is happy. Obviously that’s against the law and I would never allow that as none of them even knew our mom or what she would have wanted. Not only have I not been able to grieve the loss of my dad but I’ve had to completely manage two peoples lives. I had to watch my dad die and still feel like I am to blame and I had to endure decades of abuse by my mom even after my dad passed. Then to have my siblings show their true colors. My heart feels so broken and each day the pain worsens. The only options I have are to just suck it up, be harassed, threatened and bullied or have the court hand over my duties to a professional who will then exhaust all of my parents savings with their fees. No matter what I do or don’t do I will never stop being the problem. I don’t have a clue how to protect myself from this. Family court doesn’t like drama so if this is brought to their attention they’ll take these roles away from me and give them to a professional. It’s a no win situation. I only see one option and it isn’t good. As each day passes it gets harder and harder to continue. The constant state of fear is so emotionally exhausting. I often wonder what I am doing wrong because I can’t figure out how to make this stop. I just want off this ride but I don’t want to abandon my mom. Ugh, sorry for the long read. I feel so pathetic.

[@lilyswan]

I always feel seen when I listen to you Dr. Ramani. All the places I was un-seen are validated. It is gradually unknotting forty years of narcissistic abuse. 🙏🏼

[@svetlanadragicevic4968]

I will just say; WOOOOOOOOW, you nailed it!!!! ❤

[@shilparathore3181]

Love your brutal honesty Doc!!😊

[@MrsEd-fh2gs]

Narcissistic people run the world and victim shaming is the norm. This is the most real and genuine video posted by Dr. Ramani I have seen thus far. It is not sugar coated in any way and she tells it like it is.

[@leesielou9783]

I love Dr. Ramani! ❤Thank you for seeing us!🙏🏻

[@southernbelladonna78]

I think this maybe my favorite video of yours. It's so accurate and so helpful. I was shamed over and over for not being able to "suck it up" in my narcissistic relationship that had literally caused me to disappear as a person to make it work. That was the solution? That's what I had to accept to make it work, I had to disappear as a person, walk around on eggshells, please an unpleaseable person at all times or I'm not being realistic about life. Yet no one was ever open to really listening to what was actually happening. So you do end up being handed a double punch first by your partner and second by the people around you that really don't want to go there at all and don't care really about what you're going through. But I still did it, I left, and although it was many hard and painful years directly after, it did eventually get better. And can't imagine how awful my life would be if I were still in that relationship or if I would even still exist.

[@patrickbinford590]

I know that for me there are people who have stories that are just overwhelming and hearing them and hearing examples of what happens to people from Dr Ramani is actually EYE OPENING.

[@SundayJones-mu2ig]

Right on Dr. Ramani. Thank you.🩷💜

[@luv_leena]

AMEN thank you Dr. Ramani!

[@manometras]

Yes, narcs are victims of their narcissistic parents or siblings, or someone else who had been very important, but very cruel to them, but they are not the victims of their victims.

[@Star_Light_4]

It’s real, so true. I think it would help to delineate from the aware and unaware narcissist. I think it makes a difference because in the “aware narcissist” you hear them called out as evil. In the “unaware narcissist” which is what I experience, I would never call any of it evil as all of the abuse is in defense of his ego and wounded child. That is the one many make excuses for and I’m not talking grandiose vs vulnerable narcissist. The one I am with is textbook grandiose, but all of the toxic behaviors are a defense mechanism to protect the shame core and he can’t see any of it, nor can I point any of it out, nor should I have to live with it.

[@annjohnson8437]

Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani! I definitely needed to hear your take on this topic this morning. Your KZbin videos are keeping me sane until I can afford to escape this living hell! ❤

[@M.j.7]

I felt that being an “inconvenient truth” in my soul! Thank you Dr.Ramani!!!

[@quakekatut8641]

This is so true. So sad. I wish I could share my experiences of being unseen and shamed, but no one wants to hear and see the pain. I keep all this to myself and allow it to slowly kill me.

[@elbee1290]

LOVE LOVE LOVE your strength and the power of your convictions in this video. WOW. All the little hairs stood up on my neck when you made your points. What a rare gem you are, a psychologist uninterested in the "why" of how the abuser became so abusive...and rather, focusing on the truth-telling about the damages wrought to his victims. I applaud your courage in a country filled with therapists trained to be pathologically optimistic towards the abuser and his supposed ability to change, even as they blame-shift and downplay all the horrific fallout to his partner, kids, etc.