Overcoming Social Anxiety: Attachment, Exposure, and Self-Confidence | Being Well

[@ChristineC-sh9tz]

Excellent tips, but I must admit I was very anxious while listening to this about anxiety. My throat always gets tight and constricted when I’m nervous. Slowing down and thinking of others first were the best takeaways! I’ll try it out! Thank you both!

[@NolaCaffey]

Thanks, gents - this an important discussion. Years ago, when my social anxiety seemed impossible to overcome (CPTS and HSP) I started making it a funny game, which worked . If I couldn't weasel out of a party, I pretended that god had appointed me to be the "Cosmic Greeter" at the party. It became my job to include everyone, chat up strangers and offer food, drinks and attention to everyone. If not every moment was perfect, at least I had reached out to other guests. It was a real bonus that no there one knew I was the "Cosmic Greeter" - the comedy was a huge help, even when no one else knew. In my ruminations afterward, I evaluated the experience as the "Cosmic Greeter", instead of my fragile ego. This got me through a lot of social gatherings I would have otherwise ducked.

[@eli7527]

I would so so so love a video on how to connect to others deeply, specifically ways to do it or how natural connection works. I like to meet new people but so many people do not seem like they want to talk with me, and this makes me question whether I am approaching connection the right way. (sidenote, I think I am) but this video topic would be so informative to me and many others. You guys always have such revelatory insight

[@eli7527]

It would be cool to really see specifics within conversation. For example, if someone does not seem too receptive to my question about what they did last weekend, should I jump on a new trail, ask more specifics about the weekend, or abandon ship altogether? Probably overthinking it but this would really clarify

[@eli7527]

Maybe the worst part of it is not the painful physical and cognitive irritation, but the inability to truly connect, receive, and be received by others which is the ultimate goal but simultaneously the reason why this anxiety occurs

[@christineyoungberg5389]

This was great - Thx so much. My anxiety dropped when you mentioned focusing on others & “acceptance & what else can you do”. Your podcasts are so helpful - thx again 🙏

[@Lord_D3mi]

I absolutely love and appreciate these discussions so much. 🙏🏿

[@Lord_D3mi]

@ranc1977 If what is said in the video doesn't work for you, that's fine. But to say it's filled with misinformation is very incorrect. None of this is a 1 size fits all.

[@hbawp894]

This was so, so helpful - thank you! I am really struggling with social anxiety with my partner's tight-knit group of friends. It definitely feels like I have to perform, and when I am not recognized, or when people don't approach me (they often do not), I assume they don't like me and I shut down for the rest of the function. I don't have a good time, and then my partner feels bad. It's been causing some issues in our relationship and I have been feeling at a loss. I don't really have this issue with other people, but I want the people who are closest to my partner to accept me, and that hasn't happened.

[@eli7527]

It sounds like they could be warmer and/or more inviting towards you.

[@eli7527]

not saying they are bad people of course but kindness sure goes along way towards an outsider. Maybe gravitate towards the one that is most warm or receptive towards you

[@kleinereverie8763]

Thanks for this. I'm currently undergoing CBT for social anxiety and I noticed myself that I was being really egocentric in social situations, so your suggesting of widening my view, focusing on the warmth and friendliness of others to get out of my own head/way was very useful. 💚

[@donnalong108]

This was terrific! I am a late middle age psychotherapist with a lot of childhood trauma that left me with social anxiety (as well as PTSD, severe attachment trauma, structural dissociation, depersonalization and derealization, poor object constancy and object permanence, ADHD, and depression). I was adopted at age 2 - after being in an orphanage and three temporary homes - by a father who ridiculed me incessantly and a mother who was too depressed to listen or talk with me. When I spoke, my father would typically say "shut up, you don't know what you're talking about", and my mother would simply not respond or look at me (!) Part of the reason I include all this history is I'm gobsmacked that you too, who presumably had profoundly more nurturing childhoods, also deal with or have dealt with significant social anxiety. And I'm amazed that my social anxiety doesn't sound a whole lot worse than what you're describing a lot of people have. Perhaps this is because I did well in school academically and socially, was never bullied there, and my teachers liked me. Also it's a much less severe issue as I've gotten older. When I was a child walking to school, it would be quite painful to simply pass someone on the street. Now I find that it's EXTREMELY important for me to have an attractive appearance when I'm out in the world, and I'm mostly able to pull that off. (On the other hand, when I allow myself to see the profile of my face and body, which happen to be far less attractive, I can feel horribly demoralized). Also, I notice that my appearance needs to feel unassailable to be comfortable with people. Or, I need to feel objectively that I'm more attractive than the other person. I do notice another symptom though that's incredibly uncomfortable: I used to have a very naturally graceful way of moving and walking, but after becoming quite deconditioned during the pandemic, I no longer walk gracefully. As a result, whenever I'm walking in public I feel like I have a target on my back. SO uncomfortable! I'm so glad you included IFS in this discussion, as it's incredibly powerful. I very much need to make time to work on the young parts of me that carry so much shame and humiliation. I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts on any of this. Thanks again for you're beautiful offering!

[@dmix2263]

I love this channel. You two know the stuff!

[@peacefulisland67]

Knowing one's true value in the world from every aspect of human experience and purpose, totally destroys anxiety. Having no fear as to any outcome moment to moment, but only welcoming whatever comes, allows us to maintain curiosity and drop the fear that is really self-obsession. Having said that, it's so easy to get intellectually; my cellular memories have other ideas and often more power. Practice.

[@charondolls]

you both are a wonderful and healthy example of being a man, thank you for all of your work.

[@MichaelaKusa]

Wow, what a great episode. Thank you! Greeting from Slovakia.

[@tyronswartz4456]

You are both really great! You always sum it up really well

[@dzihanahajdarpasicmisirlic5347]

i simply love u guys

[@andrewbaker8373]

I can relate to the LSD story 😊

[@elamanecera]

Thanks ! 🙏🏾

[@eli7527]

the summary was superb by the way

[@varnishyourboard]

Speaking to the "shrinking your life" I just quit my managerial job because I DREADED talking to the guests and am probably going to get a solitary night shift job where I don't have to "perform" for people. Both my boss and the guests were shocked that I was in such inner distress when talking to people because I hid it so well. Years ago, I also fled from a career fair because I felt so awkward when I started talking to a recruiter. Don't even get me started on ever asking a woman out on a date, especially because I'm unemployed now. Thanks social anxiety.

[@sarahbloxsome1]

Thank you for this video 🙏🏽

[@eli7527]

A good quote from the School of Life channel regarding resting in a positive framework is, “If I were gonna try and be three things - honest, kind and polite what would I say NOW?”

[@me.lani.momster]

Oh my goodness. I was the only physically disabled kid in my school, all the way into post grad. I also have ADHD and was found to be "gifted" at the age of 38. I have auditory processing disorder, major depression, and GAD .I moved to a new country 3 years ago. I suddenly lost pretty much everything. Job, assets, family and friends all left behind. I live in the Netherlands now, and I am terrified to leave the house. I am conversationally proficient in Dutch, but I cant get through a social interaction without severe anxiety. The Dutch are awfully direct. I find it very difficult. I cant share a sidewalk with someone. I have actually fallen into a hedge trying to get out of the way. When I left school, I locked that little girl and all her fear and trauma away. Now my children have started school. I have no social connection, and the culture shock has been immense. That little girl has escaped her box, and she's scared of everything. I have therapy tomorrow. It's tough. This makes so much sense. Thank you!

[@mmmmarada]

My social anxiety is much less because I am going through a divorce where I suddenly had to flee the house and then get help for me and my daughter. So I had to ask for tons of help from all sorts of people. Worst experience ever, but it got me to ask for help and people were so nice and supportive, and we're going to be ok now, plus my social anxiety is about half of what it was. Like ACT says, do not believe untrue thoughts or unhelpful thoughts - this goes double for self-doubt thoughts, I think!

[@user-wt3bk9nl5x]

Just watched 2 annoying ads just to support your channel!

[@ForrestHanson]

Now that's true friendship.

[@i-m8249]

Thanks!

[@joshandkaramorton4261]

Love your podcast. Have GAD lol 😂

[@serendipity0775]

It would help if u wud distinguish SAD ( seasonal affective disorder ) from social anxiety disorder. The same acronym can get confusing.

[@TuffTgr]

Hi Forrest , what brand are the EarPod you have on? Thank you

[@sunnygirl9691]

I think for women one of the anxiety factors comes from the tendency for “bad” women to lie to our faces or pretend to be a friend when they are far from it.

[@cobracommander8133]

I have enough Social Anxiiety for all of us and would love to share; who want's some of mine!?!?!

[@eli7527]

id trade you mine for a few days🤝