Panic Attack | Vlogtober Day 4

Panic attack...
#grief #mentalhealth #lifeupdate #health #vlogtober #panicattack
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[@karenross3457]

You are not having a panic attack. It is grief. You are still mourning. For each of us the process is different. I am retired teacher and all of us have" I may need this " I also got caught up in the craft tread wheel.. I found this past year I really wanted to enjoy my house and rid of the clutter. I found it gratifying donating my Dollar Tree finds to the local senior center. I also found that in my decluttering I set small goals . Have you considered instead of going to Dollar Tree going to a museum or park? For the time being concentrate on the public rooms of your house. Don't worry about the craft room.

[@igeorgoudi]

Don't be sorry for how you feel. It is ok to be overwhelmed , it is ok to grieve, it is ok to have negative videos on your channel. Our lives have positive and negative aspects . It is also ok to gravitate towards the negative ones when they prevail in our lives. You don't need to apologize or criticize yourself. I also use shopping as a coping mechanism. I am also in your shoes in that aspect. And you know what? The longer I accept what feelings i cope with by shopping the earlier i figure out how to keep it low. Some days it is easier and some day it is harder. Take your time

[@colleenstephens4122]

Never be sorry for your feelings. You are such a great creative and beautiful person. My heart hurts to see what you are going through. I too miss my mom. Take a deep breath. I also have so much stuff it is overwhelming. Sending prayers for Comfort.

[@koreensmetzer2279]

We all just want to hug you, and we all that have lost our dear Mother's can clearly understand your feelings, and also understand the clutter when bringing so much to our home, from a parents home, you are normal for these feeling, and these day's just come over us for a unknown reason, but stay strong, and take one section or corner of the room at a time. Husbands just do not understand a connection of a daughter and a mother. Prayers to you, do not put so much pressure on your Vlog at this time. just being back to teaching is also overwhelming. Love ya!!

[@nancypatricio9972]

I thank you for being yourself. Nowadays, a lot of youtubers have negative issues and turn on their cameras and show us a perfect life. We have come to a time where influencers show us just perfect stuff, perfect bodies, perfect life, etc. Just a few show their true life, up and downs. It is ok to have bad days, it is ok to take breaks when needed. WE are not perfect. We'll be here for you no matter what.

[@danejacobs1]

I totally agree with the previous, supportive post. I lost my son 10 years ago and still have 'those days' occasionally. I was blessed, chosen and lucky to have him as long as I did and I know I will meet up with him again. Please remember that your brain tells your body what to do. Focus on anything positive until your body understands this. You seem to have a very good understanding of your conditions. And look at the positive impact you are making on your students. Breathe, go slow and try to count your blessings. Shawn is a gift! Push forward, Sweetie.

[@nilasink3270]

When you saw the glitter on your arm you had a little smile. More glitter!!

[@kathleengill1273]

I think your grief has overwhelmed you today and this is not a panic attack. I know how you feel. At times in my grief process I've tried to do something and ended up throwing everything in the floor and stopping for several days. So you do what you do and grieve when and how you do. We'll be here for you because a lot of us have had the same experiences! Take care!

[@JamieBowman-e5m]

Don't be sorry! Take it one day at a time. You are beautiful inside and out❤ I wish I could give you a big hug.

[@cherylknight1591]

I am glad you reached out. I am glad you are talking about it. You are realizing the reality. The first step in moving forward. It’s ok. You are getting through this. I was the same way and still today after many years mom and I still have our short talks. We all love you. And thank you for talking to all of us. We all I just would like to walk beside you. Sending prayers to give you strength. ❤🤗

[@SharaLee60]

Hon, don't feel bad & overwhelmed! It's just takes time. You've been doing great! Just do a box, or drawer, part of a closet! If you can't, try another day! I'm 74yrs & I still miss my Mom, we were very close too! We did crafting & sewing together! She's been gone over 30yrs. It never gets completely over it. It just gets easier after a lot of time has passed! I want to hug you, you're like a granddaughter! Just take it one day at a time! Take care! Love & Hugs! ♥️😉🫂🐾👻🧙‍♀️🦇🐈‍⬛🍁✨️

[@jodisampson4508]

You are just the sweetest person!! It has not been that long and it's ok to be sad.I so wish I could give you a big hug.I am alot older than you and I truly think I cry at least once a day.I miss my mom so much even though she is still alive.She has had alzheimers for 12 years and it is so sad.Dont ever feel bad for crying or being sad,it's totally normal.Just breath and take one day at a time,your doing great!!❤

[@KellyGreen-y9n]

You are human. You are going to have all kinds of emotions. Don't apologize for being human. Take it 1 day at a time. Just clean 1 box, bag or shelf at a time. Don't try to do a whole room, because that is overwhelming. Your mom would want you to be happy and live life ❤❤. Please take care of yourself

[@AS-lm9xm]

God Bless you, we have you in our prayers. When you see your mom's things try to remember the good times and remember she is always in your heart. The bond, love you and your mom shared, you will continue to have and will always have. Continue to talk to us or whoever you are comfortable to talk with.

[@SherriOlson-er2xr]

My husband has had to go through a small box of kitchen utensils for over a year and keeps pushing it aside The other day I took 3 things out of the box and asked him I What he wanted to do with them (just the 3 items) - toss, toss, keep for now- so that is what I did I stopped with the 3 and will do the same another day. Not overwhelming-maybe this is something you could try. When my husband does it to me, he keeps going weather going is good, except being constantly bombarded with questions does overwhelmed me

[@debbiev.1311]

Smaller time increments of decluttering &/or cleaning may help so you won't get overwhelmed &/or too tired!? This is helping me to do a little everyday & I'm making real progress consistently & maintaining my progress! You're grieving, so please give yourself the grace & permission to have your feelings...have them for a short while & then take a break from them too, this titration helps prevent the pressure from building up too much! Sending you love & gentle hugs!!! 🩷🤗💖🤗🩷

[@emortaza]

As many others have said. It's OK to be overwhelmed and greive. It really hasn't been that long. You are doing a great job and you'll get there. It's OK to stop when it is all too much. Also I think you should give yourself alot of credit for posting this and keeping up with vlogtober! You made a commitment and you are sticking to it even on hard days.

[@ginabrewer3696]

I completely understand you and how you feel. We are here for you. Please take care of yourself.

[@krmievans]

Just do a little bit at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself. It's ok to start something & then take breaks. Maybe even do a little each day until it's done. I love your fun multicolor glasses.

[@mariewinston4021]

Don’t be so hard on yourself, we crafters all struggle like this. I lost my mom too, and find myself in a kuffuffle!

[@mrsmiggins6435]

It's really hard to lose someone close BUT they would not want you to stop enjoying life. Your mum wants you to be happy. My bedroom is now chock a block full of craft stuff. I can't get into it. I end up buying more. I am on my own, now can't get out the house, I try not to see it. You are not alone. Things will get better❤️🤗

[@territhigpen942]

I understand so much of what you are saying…from experience. You are not alone. Be gentle with yourself. You are making progress and that is really hard while you are grieving. You certainly are not gross, btw. 🙂 I’m working on setting up my craft room and trying to find all my teaching stuff mixed in a garage size room. Feel like we would make great craft room cleanup buddies! Hang in there. We are hanging in there with you/for you too!

[@debbiecollett7417]

Sending you a big hug😢 Don't be mad or upset, your an amazing person going through a horrible time. ❤❤

[@KellyRVaden]

I don't see this as negative, just real- and super relatable. Please don't judge yourself for being human and feeling. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad, angry, or anything else; and they are just feelings, not negative. And because you do feel those emotions, doesn't mean you aren't grateful. Do you have access to therapy? Having that support and perspective may be helpful. ❤

[@lindaraterink6451]

She mentioned she has or had a therapist,

[@primaveracero2010]

I've been there 4 times in my life.. It's just grief. Time and self compassion will be your best friends ❤.

[@susancarroll9921]

I too use shopping as a way to get out and be around people, but mine is Goodwill shopping. Because of it , my house has become very cluttered. I want to get it back in order, but it takes time. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

[@dawnkosior2511]

Don't be so hard on yourself. If you can't do something today, it's ok, tomorrow is another day. It's ok to feel your steps of grieve, it's the only way to get through the steps. I'm speaking from experience. You're not gross, you're sad. I will be praying for you 🙏 so your heart may heal. 🤗

[@Peanut11111]

Take it slow and easy. I understand. 🎉❤🎉❤

[@hollyavillella554]

Good morning! Aww, everyone here feels for you! You are not alone feeling overwhelmed by "too much stuff!". My Mom had this same challenge and she was an artist. She had bad arthritis and could not really part with her books and pictures and stuff. When she died I myself had injured wrists and hands, had to wear braces and just physically could not sort her belongings. I had to let it sll go! It became an opportunity to hire an auctioneer and let her precious cargo be enjoyed by other people. Also, a friend helped gather her beautiful clothes and give them to a charity for others. I feel for you missing your Mom. Take it easy on yourself. Maybe sort a small place 12" x 12" keep, pitch, donate. Then have a cup of tea and be proud of your accomplishment! Look at only small areas at a time and before you know it, you'll have accomplished what you need to do! I hope your heart feels better soon! Sending sympathy and prayers. 🩷💐🙏🕊️

[@cherylrizzo4038]

Give yourself grace. 1 box at a time. You're not negative, you're emotional. You're allowed.

[@monicabradford8739]

Give yourself some grace. Grief is hard and sometimes it comes out of nowhere. Take life day by day. Do your craft room declutter in 10 or 15 minutes microbursts if you feel like you can do more then do more. Don’t push yourself to do more than you can do. Always remember that you are loved and you are making a difference.

[@marciburton8101]

I know what you are going through. It's called grief. You must work through it your own way. Set a timer for 20 minutes and start with 1 room at a time. I lost my mom almost 2 years ago. She was a seamstress. I inherited all of her sewing supplies. I hold the item, feel her close to me. Sometimes cry, and ask her to help guide me with the task. I even journal about this afterwards. It helps. It may not work for you, but utilize all your resources. I like to sleep alone after these moments too. Grief will wear you out! Take a deep breath and try to move forward. Prayers are with you.

[@justjusty9349]

Kieran (I hope I spelled that correctly), I don’t see you as a negative or ungrateful person. Everything you’re feeling is valid. You are grieving and that is painful so it will affect your perception of things around you. But I can see that you are aware of that and you’re thinking rationally and processing things in the best way you know how. I no longer look at grief negatively. I look at it as a righteous response to what should never happen. We should never have to experience death or loss but we live in a broken world so we rightly respond to that brokenness. But we have hope that as time goes on the intensity of our pain lessens. It may not leave completely but we’re able to move forward in spite of it. Grief magnifies everything. So even though you may have clutter the grief makes it seem insurmountable. Just keep chipping away a little at a time as you’re able to, knowing that the problem may not be as bad as you perceive it to be. Rest, cry, breathe. You will make it through. ❤

[@gaylefarmer5946]

I am so sorry you are struggling! Remember no time is set on grief! Also try to only look at a small area if trying to clean . It is progress over perfection! Maybe get some help. Just one small area, a drawer. A table top a shelf or a few boxes on floor. Small! Baby steps!

[@mariewinston4021]

Your honesty is So heartfelt! ❤

[@heiditate6989]

Oh honey, don't apology and don't be so hard on yourself. My oldest daughter gets panic attacks, suffers with anxiety and depression. I wish I lived near you because I would help you declutter. I'm neat because it's a bit of OCD. It's anxiety and I tidy and organize because it's the one thing in my life that I can control. So happy to hear that your husband is supportive. Small steps...don't try to do too much at once.

[@brendaz3644]

I know exactly how your feeling. I lost my mom unexpectedly when I just turned 30. She was 56. It took me two years to get through it and it's been 33 years and I still miss her.. it gets easier but your ways miss her.. My mom and I did everything together to. As far as shopping I do the same.. Thrift stores, yard sales, dollar tree It makes me feel happy to.. but I have way to much stuff.. It's like a vicious cycle.. So much stuff. there's crap every where. I can't sew my crafts because I have no space cleared off to lay the material out to cut. I go to clean . But anxiety takes over and I just can't finish. It's just to much to do.

[@SherriOlson-er2xr]

Part of therapy includes feeling your feelings but not judging or labeling them as good, bad, silly, stupid, or any other way to describe them … just have them, feel them and letting them float away like fallen leaves in the stream. As they drift away, they become smaller and smaller until we can no longer see/ feel them. Visualizing unhappy thoughts as they leave your mind and gradually disappear from your visual field… if you have a therapist, they can help you to learn how to use visualization as a way to cope with yucky feelings that exist Yeah, I can think of these tools when I am ok- thinking to use them when I’m trapped and alone with thoughts is another thing so I need extra help with putting this to actual practice is another Please know that your followers are supportive and if you need to vent that’s ok - if people don’t like it they can find another channel

[@cheapthriftymom7284]

You’re still grieving ❤ let yourself feel it..hugs!

[@cheapthriftymom7284]

I am the same way about being around people.. totally understand that ❤

[@danettejewtraw9970]

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 I wished I could reach through my cellphone and give you a great big hug. You never have to apologize to us and your viewers. We are glad that you share with us. It doesn't have to be a DIY, or a take us along to go shopping. You can talk about anything you want. It doesn't have to be perfect. Your not negative or ungrateful. Like some of the other people have said, do a little at a time, put things in a box 📦 you want to keep and in another container you want to donate, unless you can use it in your class room also. Take it easy on yourself.

[@susanforget8133]

Love you . Hang in there.

[@barbarawade7214]

Im in the hospital from illness and stress( 1 week, now] Its not fun at all. I hope We bothgete better soon, and learn howto cope with it. Prayers for you!

[@kroma4181]

Loss is so hard, it is paralyzing, I struggle every day with it. Buying stuff puts a temporary bandaid on it. Perhaps a temporary small storage unit to put extra stuff in until you can deal with it might help ? Take care of yourself.

[@lindaraterink6451]

Kieren I see so much of mysellf in you. I lost my mama 8 years ago. Eventhough we were aware of it happening and not suddenly like it happen with you. It is so so hard to get over that loss. I was more a daddy girl then a mama girl. But her passing somehow hit me so much harder. It took a long time (3 to 4 years) to eventually have the pain subside enough that I could go on quite normaly without having being constantly reminded of her not being here. So many times I just wanted to go over to mama and drink a cup of coffee with her, just to be reminded that she wasn't here anymore and then regretting I didn't go to her more often when she was still alive. She litterly lived in the next street over. Why did I not do that? And then I got angry with myself. The only thing I had of her like you was her little dogbaby just like you now have and I completly understand why you have that, it also makes me worry what will happen with you when Pip to has to leave you. It happened to me recently and although I am ok with him passing because his life was not comfortable for him any more, I am a mess right now. My house is a mess Dishes everywhere, clothes that are hanging still on the drying rack from when I last hung them, more then a week ago. I sleep on the coutch, because I don't have energy to change my bedding. I know eventually I will do it I have to, because I will ran out of dishes and clothes and I can't stay for ever on the coutch forever, but for the time being I can not make my self do it. I just can't. And that is now she is gone for over 8 years and now her little dogbaby is gone too. Although it might not give you much hope and you may ask why am I telling you this, I hope you will see through the words how simillair my life is to yours at least from what you show here. Although I do not have such a supportive husband like you. You are very lucky. Do know it does get better one day at a time and that you are not alone in this, and some things will just stay your life forever and that is ok also. Take care Kieren, you can do this. I can too, but not today.

[@lisaslittlecritters]

Please, please don’t be sorry. Grief is a terrible thing to go through, especially when you have such constant reminders of your Mom. You have put to much on yourself trying to daily vlog. Your viewers want you to see what you’re doing, but only if you feel strong enough to show us. ❤❤❤

[@cindywalker852]

Be kind to your self and prayers for you

[@niseyjones598]

Take it one day at a time it gets easier with time but I do know what yr going through girl . I've been like what u r going through, I've been in a deep depression for over a month now it's been hard for me to make thing's especially when 90 something percent of my crafting items are in storage due to living with family for right now .

[@lorikragt2933]

I don't know what things you have of your mom's, could you maybe get a couple clear totes. Sort what you want to keep of your mom's things, limit it to the clear totes and let go of the rest. If there is something she had or made that gives you happy memories that you could display in the craft room, that might make you smile when you walk into the craft room. Everyone deals with grief differently. Could you maybe in a notebook write. down memories of your mom, different things you did together, etc. Your memories are in your heart. Maybe writing them down, you could reread them as time goes by. That way they are written down and don't have to replay over and over in your mind.

[@NancyVogt-k2k]

I lost my father 24yrs ago and I still have those days. I know where your coming from and DO NOT HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.p

[@kayalford6746]

You have no need to say sorry. You are going through a very tough time. I have trouble getting rooms cleaned up too. And keeping them cleaned up just about impossible for me. I have friends whose houses are always cleaned up. Just walking in my hall is dangerous with the stuff that is sitting there. I started in June saying I’m declutterring one room a month then went frantic and wanted it all done in a month. Of course that is an impossible goal. I have donated so much stuff and I still look around my house and go good grief. My craft room I ended up taking the bags closest to the door and did things that way. Some days I got one bag or box done and some days I got more. Please give yourself some grace and you followers understand when you need to make these videos.

[@leotacoakley3096]

I do a little and set and then go back it might take me a couple of days but I get it done everything well be ok I lost my mom and dad it hard to find there stuff but I know there in a better place

[@lucyhavrilla8949]

Don't be sorry, do you at least have your husband behind you? There will come the day when this will be gone and you will be you again. All your fans are with you. Please hang in there ,we are all praying for you!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@paulinerobles9364]

Hi sweetie this is Pauline from Texas don't be sorry for having a panic attack I have anxieties myself and I know how you feel honey believe me you just need to pray just ask the father to help you and to get rid of your panic attack and if you can say the our Father maybe say it three times with me I do that in 15 minutes I feel better. You seem like a very sweet sweet lady you gather your strengths and you'll be fine honey you'll be fine let me hear from you love you this is Pauline from Texas adios

[@mrscb5303]

You know you are not alone right? That so many of us have this problem? Look how many declutter KZbinrs there are… it’s a real problem and you don’t need to beat yourself up. When you are ready, get the help from a professional to declutter and then if you need therapy to not fill it up again… that is OK!!!! You are NOT ALONE!!!! You are loved by your family and from your KZbin people. Did you notice how you calmed down as you spoke with us ? You are making progress!!! Don’t give up on yourself and we won’t give up on you. Are you in grief counseling of any kind? I think you need to find a way to grieve that is positive for you. One thing that happens as you age is you realize nobody really cares about your mess because they are worried about their own!! If anyone does judge you, they are a 💩person who you don’t need to worry about!! You said you just wanted to go to bed, totally get that!!!! Please know you are a normal good person and what you are dealing with isn’t easy. I think about you often and wish you lived nearby so I could hug you. Sending love and happiness 🧡🖤🧡 an old lady from the west coast 🥰

[@lindamacias3164]

Oh sweet girl, you're human. Have you thought of getting a thrifty buddy to go shopping with you And then you could make a craft together., Or even host a crafting partyUsing the items you already have and inviting people over to do crafts with you and let them take home what they've made. That could be a form of therapy for you and a time for you to share your mom With others. Perhaps you could do the crafts and then host a holiday shoppingFor kids to buy their parents or sibling something. I promise it will all get better it's just going to take time.

[@carolemedley1807]

I urge you to investigate a meat-based (if not entirely carnivore) diet. I KNOW this is hard for a vegetarian to listen to, but your brain NEEDS healthy fats, and the other nutrients found in meat. Just look around, there is quite a bit of evidence that low-carb/meat based/carnivore eating is very good for mental health. You are so sweet and hopeful, but your suffering is extreme. I hate to see you so miserable. The house and all the clutter will be easier to deal with when your mind and body are working in harmony. My best to you in any case.