Parenting Adult Children | If You Only Knew | Tim Ayers

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged. Colossians 3:21
Overview:
The Greek word Paul uses in this context most likely means older children.
What Paul talks about in his letters was radical and table-turning for the 1st Century Greek and Romans.
Fathers in the 1st Century Roman and Greek worlds had what was called patria potestas: the father’s power. This power was absolute even if a child was an adult.
Roman sons never came of age; as long as a father was living.
Paul uses a word that is translated as ‘bring them up.’ The Greek word is ektretho) and it means ‘To nurture something you cherish.’
The word that gives us ‘discipline’ in this passage is meant something closer to ‘training.’
What Paul meant when he said, ‘nurture your children in the training and instruction of the Lord’ was that we are to 'train and instruct in the ways that Jesus did!'
Fathers and mothers do not do anything to provoke your children to anger, no matter the age of your children, but nurture your cherished ones by training them and instructing them in the same way that Jesus trained his cherished ones.
Tips for Parents:
Don’t give unsolicited advice.
Don’t criticize your children’s parenting.
Be the best model of good parenting in your adult children’s lives.
Remember being their age and think carefully about what it is like to be living through what they are dealing with in today’s world.
Listen more than you talk.
Ask questions that show you want to understand.
Never lecture.
Text or call before you come over.
Observe respectful boundaries.
Don’t be quick to rescue.
Let them take care of you too.
When they ask for advice, don't make judgments.
Accept their significant other with open arms.
Make spending time together fun.
Don't guilt or shame them.
Tips for Children
Don’t pick arguments.
You don’t have to state your opinion on everything.
Don’t make your parents feel defensive.
Don’t see disagreement as a criticism of you personally.
Don’t make vast assumptions about generational differences like everyone in your parent’s generation.
Take responsibility for your own actions and your own attitudes.
Be quick to offer and ask for forgiveness.
If you do ask your parents for advice, listen carefully to their advice and do your best to include their advice in your action steps.
Spend time with your parents outside of the perfunctory moments like birthdays and holidays.
Show them love that is expressed in some way that you know they will appreciate.
Don't become helicopter parents to your parents.
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'You Were Made for More' because God created you ON purpose FOR a purpose. This is the vision of Grace Church, led by Pastor Barry Rodriguez and based in Indianapolis, IN.
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[@airbornealltheway7847]

Respect their insignificant others??? Really??? Not here. Im not turning a blind eye to a significant other that has a criminal record of abuse, atheism, controlling, etc. Its ok to be amicable but definitely keep an open eye for red flags. There are people in society that you dont want in your childs life. Period!!!

[@airbornealltheway7847]

Well...I dont know what world your living in but in my world if and when I need to correct their ways then Im going to get them angry...mostly because of their pride. These Millennials dont stand to be correctd on any matter. I believe that parents are soft on leading them in the right way. To disciple them does mean we as Parents need to TELL THE TRUTH even if it hurts.

[@aneeshamoore2478]

I have the worst adult children. I see their miserable lives from a far. I have a peace that surpasses all understanding. I do 🙏 for them

[@dalixisramos5018]

Amen

[@ProfessorNorris1]

Great sermon.. all around… I can tell j you are speaking from experience 💜. Congratulations and praise the Lord on the new additions 🌿🌿.

[@airbornealltheway7847]

Know where and what your children are dealing with the here and now...great advice. Its a Culture Battle that Parents are up against as well...and your right, the Decadent Immoral Culture of this day is all over the map for sure. 2 Timothy 3:1-13 King James Version

[@tinalee5286]

🙏🙏♥️

[@notsopopularkid1238]

I was So blessed by this sermon, thank you 🙏

[@abigailsiwiti6554]

I needed this message.

[@janis8841]

This is very wise advice, my kids are adults and learned each of these principles the hard way. God is able to do more than we can imagine, keep praying for them rather than fixing them. Only God knows their heart and what needs tending too.

[@lesleymonroe2913]

😊😂😊

[@sylviacorwin9182]

I needed to hear this tonight! Thank you.

[@rebeccarivera3634]

Thank you. This was a beautiful message that I needed to hear.

[@Mary-jt1ts]

Thank you pastor. I’ve been searching for this advice for years. I raised 4, now 41, 39, 34, 31. Your expertise comes from the Lord. And that’s exactly what I needed to hear. God bless your family and ministry.

[@airbornealltheway7847]

When you said your Mother said things that shamed you...what did she say??? Was she correcting you or shaming you. Sometimes correcting someone will touch their conscience...and it might and should shame them if they are doing something very immoral.

[@eturley7533]

Conviction and shame are different. Shame creates isolation and fear. Conviction offers mercy and forgiveness.

[@aS-qu1vp]

Great sermon, my son loves me and vice versa. However, it makes me sad knowing he is still working a part time job for years and content while living with his fiance. i support him but not the marriage he is about to go into. My son doesnt always follow thru with things he's supposed to be doing. Sometimes I feel like I have to save him from himself . I have to remind him to go to the dr, go to the dentist,did you do this or that? Smh He seems like he is complacent and im tried of seeing it. I feel like I did not get a return on my investment. lord forgive me as I didnt raise him like that.

[@Cec67]

Don’t be harsh on yourself dear, I’m in same space with my 28 yrs old daughter who still lives with me, treated her like a queen, didn’t discipline her right from teenage hood, I believe we do for our kids what we didn’t have, it’s time to remind ourselves and then that we trust their judgement and let them be and live way they see it’s right for them, focus on yourself as I’m trying to do ( good luck to us) when been always provider, there’s no good outcome of blaming ourselves, yet when we know what we’re doing is draining us or taking power off them and continue to do is the problem, life is a learning journey, but if we don’t apply what we learn keeps us and them in same circle, best of luck to us, air hugs 🤗

[@ccraig9241]

Very good!

[@7oclockmiracles88]

Excellent Message! So helpful! Thank you so much!

[@jamessohol1823]

Thank you Pastor!

[@angiefg4791]

Thank you

[@paulnovak6977]

Thank you for this video teaching

[@bonitabryant3120]

It makes me sad when I hear these good sermons. I didn't know how to train my kids and grew up in an abusive home. I believe I let my children down.

[@mariettamullin322]

Same story here. I was sadly, unqualified for parenting. I can’t even say I did my best. I need to move on.

[@julieturner773]

I feel the same way

[@dianedultmeier1600]

It's not too late to tell your kids that honest truth and apologize and tell them you wish you would have done/known better. Even if they act like the don't want to hear it, some part of them will hear it and it will matter. You can't have any expectation of their reaction or try to control their reaction. Just do YOUR part. And God will do the rest. You may never see the fruit of your choice to apologize and be honest, but it will happen.

[@virtuoussoulhealer3644]

Adults decide who they want to be

[@Hmcgowanful]

Thank you so.much

[@JanFinochio]

Thanks for this

[@awareness68]

Thank you 🙏

[@heathermorrisdvm8230]

They need to respect parents boundaries too though ,you cant be so kind that they run all over you

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

Hi iam a single mom of a 22 year old since she is abroad she alienated me a bit did not wish me a happy Mother’s Day Blane’s estranged me iam Jewish but very close to Jesus iam not a perfect mum but have enough of her blaming me abusing me I am listening thank you dear

[@denisealonge4773]

I have done that n that doesn’t work at all !!! Because money means more then humans 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏I am so grateful n thankful k get named called threats it’s a taught lesson

[@jaydeecee1643]

Apologize for the stuff you did wrong....then ignore their projections...ignore what they say and leave them alone. Focus on your grandkids and your own happiness. Have fun.

[@lolabence8970]

👍

[@digitalmouse3314]

Other than toists Celtics they had many queens even goths as well women revered.

[@airbornealltheway7847]

Observe respectful boundaries??? Adult children need to respect themselves and adhere to boundaries that would require them to get back in line.

[@eturley7533]

Boundaries are healthy, it doesnt mean a your son or daughter is pushing you away- rather that they can now establish the responsibilty of maintining their own identity in God and what he asks of them. Respectful to the adult season of life means that you understand that you and your son/daughter are both on the same level as disciples of Christ. You are both students of God who can provide consel and guidance to one another, and ultimately it means relying on God being the one your child gives their greatest authority to as he takes on the role of a supreme Father. Adult children should respect and have a healthy fear of God and what he commands of them. You had your hand at raising your child for 18-20 years, God lended these children to you so you'd raise them in his word- now its time for them to become adults who have responsibility for their own actions while keeping in mind what they learned from you.

[@veronicapayne6466]

I think my children let me down. The sacrifices i suffered for them. They are like vampires. I look firward to death.😢

[@gayleneflower398]

Well what if you didn’t train them in the way of the lord ??

[@pannellclara]

if your children are adults, use this time to heal & redo yourself into a strong wiser person & still use this advice given here - be humble & trust God to do his work in your lives as a family - it might take a long time (in our eyes- because with God time doesn’t matter!) don’t ever give up trust in Gods timing & power 🙏🏼

[@jennylharrellcatron1454]

I've been struggling so much with this topic. I feel lost.

[@ProfessorNorris1]

God bless you. 🙏🏽

[@jennylharrellcatron1454]

@@ProfessorNorris1 Thanks. things are looking up. Living quite the blessed life. My world is good.

[@ProfessorNorris1]

@@jennylharrellcatron1454 what a difference a day can make huh?🌿🌿

[@jennylharrellcatron1454]

@@ProfessorNorris1 yeh true

[@MommyKnowsBest]

This is great advice!! Check out our video with Alexis from Not Safe for Mom Group, where we talk about the importance of Middle Motherhood! Parenting doesn't have to be less cute past the toddler phase. :)

[@ai1een876]

Where is it. On Facebook or it’s own website?

[@denisealonge4773]

In the Bible says honor ur mother b Father mine have no kids they a abusive mouth period !!! Especially when ur divorced n father is show how to disrespect thee mother the way tbe did huge stressful b that give husband to be abusive how should a woman well I do belong to Jesus not abusive men my adult has not earned to disrespect there especially when they have no kids !!!!! This society give adult children entitlement I have a dad at 76 would bever disrespectful towards him he weiukd whip back into shape but a Nan a father I have money ur mother doesn’t but he asked for the divorce Agsin there should be law I carried my boys b fed then n clothes ect I get treated like bc of kids got rights well they have fights when they become parents no body understands the hurt the sorry I was grateful for the holidays I had e them but since divorce b surgery from cancer n I have done that Rhenish they earn it Period so as a Mom thank you for going to hd that was a great job really !!! My son that didn’t want his daughter I should say great decision mother that font Shane there for nothing Petiod I let them fall n then pick b u are not there friend u are there parent period !! I have done that really but it’s ok if they come at u or they shouldn’t treat there mom like a husband Petiod !!!! Really what about ur mother ???? What did u to for ur Mither but u love u dad nite Resky that’s whatu just said I have to a rude disrespect idiots !!! U talked about ur Sad what ur Mother !!! 🥰🙏🙏🙏

[@sabrinalittle7914]

I’m so glad I left religion.

[@airbornealltheway7847]

Christ Jesus wasnt religious...He is the Messiah...the chosen One...John 14:6. Infact Christ Jesus came down hard on religious fanatics that used the Word of God for their personal gain...the Word of God is sharper than any two edge sword (Hebrews 4:12) if you know how to use it in the right way.

[@jesskmt7]

@@airbornealltheway7847 Amen!

[@ez2u1]

Great now get God through Christ. I left religion a long time ago too. But Christ is the center of my world.

[@user-ex3mx7hk4l]

Sabrina, I hear you. God knows people are flawed - including church leaders. Christ wants a personal relationship with you. He is the BFF we don’t even know we have. When He helped me through my worst season of life I told Him I would stand for Him if he fixed the impossible. So here I am. After being burned the only person who would NEVER let me down is Christ. I trust in Him but honestly I don’t have trust in any formal religion because people are sinners. Church is a place I sometimes visit and it’s good to be there but I keep in mind people are fallible. It’s ALL about opening the door to our heart because Jesus keeps knocking. He loves you SO much it’s hard to fathom because love like that doesn’t exist here on Earth. 💕

[@angelacooper538]

Thank you. Going through this. I’m a mess

[@THERetiredHomeskoolMomma]

Too late for me…my mom & outlaws ruined my marriage. Divorced 4 yrs now. But my ex was very weak too & couldn’t leave & cleave to his own wife & kids. My mistake in choosing wrong spouse & inlaws🫤

[@tammyatkins9276]

Me too

[@Hmcgowanful]

Thank you