PASTOR'S WIFE MISTAKES I'VE MADE || Christian pastors wives advice for pastor's wives

Hey friends! Today I am talking about some mistakes I have made being a pastor's wife. I love being a pastor's wife and being a part of the ministry but today I share a few things I've learned right off the bat in the first few years of ministry. This isn't supposed to be an extensive list of what not to do as a ministers wife but more of just a "learn from my mistakes" kind of video! I hope to encourage and inspire other pastor's wives that may be starting out in the ministry or preparing to be a first lady, with hopefully some kind of direction! I was inspired by FFAR's "3 mistakes I made as a pastors wife" video and figured, "I should make my own!" If you'd like more content like this on being a pastor's wife, feel free to let me know down in the comments and I'd definitely consider making some sort of pastors wives series! I want to provide just real and honest truths about whats it like to be a pastors wife!
/ howtofaithalife
Instagram: @mrsfaithwomack
#pastor'swife
#pastorswife
#pastorswives

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Are you a pastor's wife? Let's connect! What's the biggest mistake or the hardest part for you?

[@SolaDawkins]

Would love to connect with you and share the journey as a Pastor's Wife myself 🙌🏾

[@eurekazumbasmileyface5064]

Hi my name is Eureka and currently I am researching the role of a pastor's wife. The purpose is to understand and celebrate the position. All I would need is 20 minutes of your time via phone. My number is 510 393 4398. Thanks so much! 🤗

[@tamekaowens1802]

I’m a super new Pastors wife and would love to connect. A hard thing is maybe seeing/feeling cautious of certain members and expressing that to your husband.

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Tameka Owens yeah! I’m so glad you commented! Are you talking about like seeing inappropriate relationships?

[@tamekaowens1802]

How to Faith A Life hey there, wow thanks so much for replying lol. But no, I’ll be more specific, so say there’s someone with a criminal past that wants to get close to the pastor (husband), like should we be cautious of that person? Not meaning to sound judgmental bc I know God can change a persons heart and walk. I guess, I may have answered my own question, I believe we have to be prayerful about the intention and connection with the person? Have you all experienced anything similar?

[@susanoverholt3164]

I’m a pastor’s wife of 22 years. You are spot on! Something I tell new pastor’s wives is: The church hired your husband, not you. When the search committee asks what role you will play, tell them that your job is to support your husband. If the Lord puts an area of ministry on your heart, then go for it, but don’t be assigned a job,

[@HowtoFaithALife]

I totally agree- it gets so messy and confusing if it's NOT done that way!

[@nantonalexia598]

Oh you're so correct Pastor's wives are the loneliest women in the church and I say that all the time. Who else here is a pastor's wife, let's connect

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Man, I am sad to hear you can relate :/ it really is SO HARD.

[@butlerka2606]

I love this video so much! Pastor’s wife for 2 years now. Great tips that I’ve never heard! Thank you!

[@dawnstanford8512]

It's been extremely challenging being a Pastor's wife with no human being to release to. But God!! ☺️

[@HowtoFaithALife]

But God!!! So true

[@dugood70]

I'm working on entering ministry and I'm bringing this kind of stuff because I've heard how difficult and stressful the life of a pastor's wife can be, and I want to make sure I know what to look out for. I need to be sure I'm giving my wife all the love, attention, and support she will need. Your videos are a godsend. Thank you!

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Wow! Praise the Lord! Thanks for commenting, that's so encouraging that you're wanting to learn and get insight to prepare beforehand. I honestly thought I knew everything there was to know, like "what's the difference?!" And I was in for it! HAHA. I actually just posted two videos that talk about my husbands journey from having one job at a church and then taking a "call" (or job) at a new church and the process of looking, and interviewing and talking with all these other churches, and sense of calling, etc. etc. I am not sure if that would be helpful to you, but I feel like we learned SO MUCH about ministry life through that whole process.

[@lifeintheboblane]

Pastors wife here and very grateful for you sharing. Especially about loneliness and the support group stuff. I am impressed that you knew ahead of time to get the support group ha ha I didn’t even know I would need it but I certainly do so I’m here to chat anytime I appreciate you sharing your heart

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Ohhowhelovesus oh wow! Thanks for commenting! Yes yes yes! Just out of curiosity: have you been able to make real true friends in your church?

[@lifeintheboblane]

How to Faith A Life we’ve been in ministry for a long time and we’re in a near position now that’s kind of unique so at this moment that would be a big fat no but in other churches yes.. not many but yes

[@jillianbritz9031]

I am a new and young pastor's wife. I thank you so much for the video and the boldness to speak of mistakes we as new pastor's wife's could and can make. I appreciate the video truly . It answered some of the questions I have been sitting with , and not knowing who or how to ask it . Really glad I came across your video and I'm definitely subscribing . I pray grace and blessing on you ,your family and ministry . Much love from South- Africa .

[@kevinkaren9252]

Pastor's wife here. Spot on. Hugs to you!

[@n23391]

Great discussion on Boundaries, which is a great book by Dr Henry Cloud and and also Safe People. This was refreshingly real

[@lissettesbloom8223]

I’am a new pastors wife. It is 3 am and I search this I thank God I found you. Great advice. Being friends with everyone is becoming a delima causing issues. I think I need to step back. Thank you for this bit of wisdom.

[@avalewis8078]

This is super enlightening!

[@hayleeshome9531]

This is so interesting! I am not a pastor's wife but I can totally understand how people would put you on a pedestal, being Joe's wife. I've never thought about how that could complicate a relationship before. Awesome video faith!

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Thank you! You are always the sweetest!

[@blessjk1]

Wow, I'm glad I came across your video. Good advice. Your baby is soooo adorable

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Thank you so much! That's so sweet. I am so glad you took the time to comment! it was very encouraging!!! Thank you

[@freedomfayeverzola6676]

I need wisdom on how to be a pastor's wife. Im currently in a relationship with a worship and youth pastor and we are already talking about taking our relationship to the next step and I want to be prepared before that happens. Thank you for this video!

[@leannhaux7621]

We are planting a church in a week..lol my husband is pastor to those in recovery so finding women I can trust and be friends with is really hard. Thank you for your video!

[@PartneringWithGod]

I like your Spirit and your real ness this video is encouraging

[@HowtoFaithALife]

I'm so glad I could encourage you! Praise the Lord.

[@dianahercenedoktor1141]

Thanks for this video. You gave me a lot of hope.

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Wow! I am so glad I could encourage you! Are you also a pastor's wife?

[@dianahercenedoktor1141]

@@HowtoFaithALife yes, i've been a pastor's wife for two years. That's hard sometimes, so that's why it made me pleased that I'm not alone with these problems. 😊😊 Of course, i know I'm not alone, because God is always with us and He helps me a lot but it's also great to hear encouraging messages from humans :)

[@HowtoFaithALife]

@@dianahercenedoktor1141 Yes!!! You are so not alone! Praying over you RIGHT NOW!

[@ourbodieshistemple]

Thanks for your advice. I really needed to hear from another pastor's wife. I feel like 2 ladies our super small church are trying to manipulate me and I have a lot of kids so I don't want them caught up in all this and hurt but I think it may be too late because I over reacted to something today. I'm usually quiet but things have been building up. Please pray for us. We've not been in this a year yet and I just want to leave. My husband said not till January. I would love this to work but I want what God wants.

[@atinybitofbliss8310]

How do you distance yourself to avoid codependency without being rude or without making the other person feel bad? New subscriber btw great video I love how real you are

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Good question! I try to explain reasons why I can't come by or hang out or whatever, like "we have a lot coming up in the next few weeks! But we are so excited to see you on Sunday!" and then if they come back with like "Oh i am going to be so lonely i wish you could come by anyways" (which we have gotten) I try to point them to church, family, and pastoral fellowship saying something like "Will you be seeing family anytime soon?" or "I bet you love that bible study on wednesday nights! We have such good fellowship there, right?!" Something like that to point them to the idea that there are other people that can meet their needs. Their (and my) codependency often comes from loneliness that one person can't just fix on their own, it only can be truly met by Jesus. But then I usually try to remember to pass the word on to Church leadership (pastors, deacons, elders) that this person is exceptionally lonely. And then sometimes I'll get my boys to color something and mail it to them a week or so later, so they know they are cared for and not forgotten. Hope that makes sense! This was a good question!

[@carlamichellevideos]

New subscriber here :) ❤️ God Bless You guys

[@lynnp.8463]

I'd like to suggest a book to go through: Search For Significance. It's a good one to go through as a group, too! It's an old study, but it has some major truths about who we are in Christ. For instance, it covers unGodly beliefs many believe about themselves like, "My self-worth is what I do (performance) plus what others think about me". It points to the freeing truth of God's word--the BEST pick-me-up! I pray you find a group of gals/couples who will love you and support you as Jesus does!

[@tillieyoung9270]

Just starting out as a pastor’s wife! I would love some prayer for us and our ministry 💜

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Definitely praying for you and y’all’s ministry Tillie! Praying right now!

[@tillieyoung9270]

@@HowtoFaithALife thank you

[@soraiabebiano4568]

Lovely, I am new pastor's wife and yap we need the support group.

[@HowtoFaithALife]

soraia bebiano agreed!

[@coleensonrisas]

❤ that little guy is soo cute 😄 i love this video and i love your natural way of saying anything. Im not a pastor wife but im involved with a pastor. Apparently there is no manual for pastor girlfriend code of conduct. 😄😊 but your videos are life saver❤

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Oh man! Yes! No manual but I am sure there is opinions and pressure just as if you were the wife! I'm taking a second to pray for you now! Praying for good situations and friends!

[@kassandrawaltenburg8254]

I think you should always say “smash that subscribe button!” That was awesome! Lol

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Kassandra Waltenburg lol! 🤣🤪🤦🏼‍♀️

[@joleedaae884]

Thank you!

[@ChatsWithFlo]

You’re so funny. I loved it when you talked about watching what you say. So and so playing the organ.😂 I’m a pastor’s wife. Yes, people don’t want you to be yourself. Your baby is so cute! 😍 I just joined your community. I can’t wait to watch some more of your videos. 🙏🏾💗

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Chats With Flo awe! Thanks for all the sweet words. I can def be a spaz, so glad that you could relate! Hehe. Being a pastors wife is def hard though. Got any advice to share? We just moved to a new church, and now I am like constantly evaluating what I do, scared I’ll offend someone! But trying my hardest to just be myself!

[@ChatsWithFlo]

@@HowtoFaithALife I just read your message. The key to being a good pastor's wife is to be yourself. Don't allow anyone to try to change you. I had so many insecurities about being a pastor's wife. Recently I discovered that I was a perfect fit for my husband and our ministry. Don't copy anyone else. When you be yourself, that's when God can use you to the fullest.

[@HowtoFaithALife]

@@ChatsWithFlo AYE to the MEN! Yes! That’s so true! I wholeheartedly agree!

[@stellajoywambui9578]

So helpful,,,, how can I reach you for more questions

[@norvohall1545]

I agree with your truths. I'm also a pastor's wife.

[@myasmemories5975]

How do you balance codependency vs. friendship. Like I'm very relational and friendly so I like making friends but I also don't want to no create a codependency. Do you just have all your friends outside of your church?

[@jsmith317]

Yes! Yes, and I am naturally a blunt, direct person; baiting, yes. Support group best from past friends, for me. Waiting to watch you topple from the pedestal, yes. I'm blessed to have grown up in such a way that I'm fairly unconcerned with what others think; humans will be human. Hardest part for me is the first one. It was crucial for me to think through boundaries and how to set them, realizing that even Jesus pointed to His Father and to Holy Spirit. He was a good example of minding the finite energy and time available in this fleshly shell. Beyond that, I'm not the one to focus on, even as His servant. See through me as if I'm clear so you can be attracted with me to the One who is God Almighty!

[@jsmith317]

I'm not a pastor's wife. I'm a Christian leader's wife as well as a Christian leader/counselor myself. This stuff happens to us, too. It seems like if one steps out as a leader in Church, these things happen. Hang in there, Faith! If you haven't read it yet, a great book to read is "Boundaries: When to Say YES. When to Say NO to Take Control of Your Life" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I'm not done with it yet, but I've been taking a lot of notes from it, even in my prayer journal and Bible study journal.

[@stellajoywambui9578]

Hello there,,,, I'm a psts wife.im currently not working and this makes me feel like a looser.any advice please

[@roxyperson8328]

I’m just a youth pastor’s wife but, my husband plays a lot of rolls in the church. It is such a lonely place to be. Thanks for the video.

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Roxy Person it really is! I’m sorry you feel the same way! Have you been able to get to know other youth pastor’s wives?

[@roxyperson8328]

How to Faith A Life I haven’t found someone that I feel safe with yet. I’m kinda learning about all those mistakes you talked about the hard way. I guess I need to find a good book on the subject. I just wasn’t raised in a church environment so I didn’t understand the depth of how much I cannot afford to be authentic with people. I know God will help me, though.

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Roxy Person yes! I enjoyed the book “sacred privilege” although I’m not honestly sure if I finished it! Hahaha. Praying over you right now- asking God to give you wisdom!!!!

[@marcyschmitke5842]

Roxy, I am a youth pastor's wife, too. I feel your pain. I am looking for resources and not finding much. How do you deal with self doubt? Would love to connect.

[@HowtoFaithALife]

@@marcyschmitke5842 Marcy, I know you weren’t talking to me, but I just wanted to let you know I am praying for you RIGHT NOW. Asking the Lord to bring you comfort and healing and wisdom/guidance. It’s a hard road we have, but praise the Lord that we don’t walk it alone- and I never want you to feel alone! I’m here for you if you ever need anything 💕

[@pamelapierce858]

I’m a Pastors Wife of 35 years. Trust me being a Pastors Wife is not dancing through the tulips.

[@glennavelilla156]

Brand new pastor wife here.

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Praying over you now!

[@chrissiebotha8574]

It is lonely on the pedestal.

[@motsengmaphutsi]

Being a pastor's wife it's hard and very lonely

[@HowtoFaithALife]

I agree!

[@philiplewis1989]

Hi tiny baboo ☺

[@stickerlady1774]

Idk if pw are most lonely because y’all do get a lot of encouragement and support. There are disabled that nobody really cares about.

[@jackiehoppe2785]

No we don’t- it may look that way but it is not true.

[@hectorhawthorn4937]

What if u get old and lonley...hope the pastor that comes to visit you doesnt post a video about how awkward it was to visit

[@HowtoFaithALife]

Oh! No! It's not that it's awkward to visit an elderly person! I really hope I don't come off sounding like I was saying that! It's awkward when they get codependent on me to fill their role as their pastor! Because I am not their pastor, just a friend. And I can't be there ALL THE TIME or be their relationship with God. They need to have their own relationship with God, you know? Hope that makes better sense. I really really REALLY have a heart for the elderly and 'shut-ins' and I am actively working on spending more time visiting the elderly, so definitely not saying that it's awkward or not fun to visit!!! I think it's one of the biggest needs in our Christian church culture today! Thanks for commenting and giving me a chance to clarify!

[@hectorhawthorn4937]

@@HowtoFaithALife gotcha.thank u for responsing.i get u now.have a good week

[@hectorhawthorn4937]

Have u ever fallen in love with another member of your congregation