PDA autism explained (skit)

Sorry that this is a short posted as a video!! It was to long to post as a short but I really wanted to post it here on KZbin. I will be making a longer video about PDA so stay tuned for that!
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ABOUT ME
Hello, for those of you that dont know me my name is Morgan. I am a 22 year old late diagnosed autistic ADHDer from Massachusetts. I am sharing my life on social media in an effort to advocate for autism awareness and break down the stigma surrounding autism and ADHD. I mostly talk about neurodivergent stuff but I also make lifestyle and travel content.

[@rowankrencik]

Yes exactly... but the other person will 99% of the time NOT be understanding, and will most likely go along the lines of "Oh youre just making that up" or "Youre just exaggerating because youre angry"

[@morgaanfoley]

yuppppp and its not until I start having a meltdown over the demand of brushing my teeth that they go ohhhhhh maybe this is serious

[@rowankrencik]

​@morgaanfoley *be me, cleaning the bathroom* "Hey when you get a chance can you clean the bathroom? But not like that, youre cleaning the bathroom wrong, and I'm going to interrupt you and sap your entire motivation for doing the task youre doing because I personally don't understand your mental processes and can't be bothered to change my own ways, so instead I'm demanding you to change yours"

[@ccf_1004]

GAH I HATE neurotypicals sometimes

[@rebeccalouise81]

@@morgaanfoleysomeone has made a fake account of you asking to message people privately on Telegram

[@Cat.cath4]

I hate that people always assume i’m angry when i’m calmly explaining my thoughts process.. i’m not angry, I’m irritated, because my brain is irrational and i know it. ‘’ok but if you know it, you should be able to overcome it and never do it again! Why would i adapt for your bad behaviours? ‘’ … ‘’ why aren’t you talking? We have a conversation ! You’re so childish, just tell me what you think about what i just said, i can’t read your mind! ‘’ o_o hum… well i don’t like you talking to me like that, i feel like i’m being reprimanded for my having feelings… o_o ‘’ OK so you’re telling ME you aren’t assuming your behaviour AND MAKING ME LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY??? Are you for real ??? I can’t deal with this. You’re overreacting! Too much dramas‘’…. o_o (my face for the next hour with full anxiety, panic, overwhelmed nightmare going on inside)

[@MrDaydreamer1584]

i dont like telling people what i'm up to, because if they express approval then i feel like it isn't 'mine' somehow

[@candlelitpeppermintcarniva8509]

I totally get that!!!

[@mjolnir3309]

I didn't know it until you said it but i get that too.

[@laulago3771]

same (I always knew it and could articulate it before you said it too)

[@thetonytaye]

pda is absolute hell when you're in college... honestly that particular setting could be a whole video topic in and of itself. but ya know, no pressure.

[@Electrowave]

I've found it worse as I have got older, and am under more pressures. ASD, too, has been more difficult to cope with. I was diagnosed in my fifties but by now I have a whole load of baggage I carry with me. I think I would have been better prepared if I was diagnosed when I was younger.

[@Julia.echternach]

Declarative language is really helpful for me & for my kids! Instead of a direct request - “can you do the dishes?” - it helps to give a declarative statement that doesn’t require an immediate answer - “I was wondering if I should do the dishes today or if you would be able to.” Getting new requests when I’m in the middle of a task also makes my adhd brain very stressed and I try to ask family members to write the task on the shared white board if they just want me to get to it sometime today. (And, I personally feel like the honest answer to “how do you get a PDAer to do something” is… “you can’t”)

[@SuperHappyNotMerry]

I've had countless arguments with my mom because she tells me to do things instead of asking me if I can do them. I know it's crazy because it's just words but somehow it pisses me off that she says "clean the fridge" instead of "can you clean the fridge?" she's not nearly as understanding, saying I nitpick on insignificant things as an excuse to not do them, which is not true. I just don't like to feel like my choices are taken away from me. it adds to the problem that I'm a fully grown adult but because I'm living at home she sees me as a child she can order around. (which, mind you, I don't think you should see children as people you can order around anyway.)

[@kinseylise8595]

I don't really make demands, but I think I'm a bit like your mom. I don't really see a difference in the different phrasing options so I just pick the shortest one/whatever comes to mind first. Sometimes that causes a lot of hurt and I've been trying to learn not to do it, and to not let agreement or appreciation go unsaid. It can be hard to even just remember to say the thing or to stop and consider other phrasing options in spoken communication, but I hope your mom begins to try to do that someday.

[@SENSEF]

See, this concerns me because like I told my child, you have to earn money to live. Every job requires following instructions, whether it's your boss or your customers, whether you work for someone else or you're an entrepreneur, you still answer to someone, you still have someone with demands / instructions of you. And they won't always be nice and they definitely won't follow rigid rules of how you demand to be spoken to. My daughter is a child and I hope as her brain develops and her life experiences increase she'll develop the ability to function. But you're an adult and still struggling.

[@camille5780]

⁠​⁠​⁠@@SENSEFhi there! I personally am not officially diagnosed with autism. I am just self-diagnosed for now. I struggle a lot with pda and i understand your concern for your child. I have been in and out of working since i was 16. (Now 22) For me what really helped was knowing that i made the choice to go to work and that i had the time to mentally prepare for demands. Its especially difficult when demands come unexpectedly. And the rigid thinking comes in handy if you know that you’re there to do work and to basically do what they need done. For household tasks that makes it a lot more difficult. Also just switching tasks. At work you’re already in a different state of mind(at least for me). And this doesn’t mean that it’s this way for every autistic person or that it’s even easy to work…but with the right accomodations and support it works for me. I’d for sure try to be patient and understanding with your child. Living with these struggles and trying to survive in a neurotypical word is hard enough already. Hope this gives a little more information…again want to say that this is only my experience and it could be very different for other people.

[@kgonzalez8098]

@@kinseylise8595 don’t change the way you speak for them. They wouldn’t for you, as long as you are polite and don’t mean harm they have no ground to stand on

[@RebeccaLoran]

My autism diagnosis at 31 in 2019 has put SOOOOO MUCH of my entire life into perspective. I've always had THIS particular issue too, and have been hospitalized by family calling the police on me for meltdowns MANY TIMES!!!

[@play-fool]

I am 31, currently only self-diagnosed, I'm very recently. it's like suddenly everything that never ever made sense makes perfect sense.

[@Catlily5]

The only time you should be hospitalized (in the USA) is if you are a danger to yourself or others. Not for refusing to do things.

[@RebeccaLoran]

@@Catlily5 The police eventually caught on that I was having a meltdown because I was driven to that point by family. It took a long time and years of therapy and begging my family to stop hurting me.

[@Catlily5]

@@RebeccaLoran I think you are saying your family stopped provoking after therapy? If not I hope you can get away from them. My family was abusive so I left home at age 15. I went to school and asked them to find somewhere for me to live.

[@RebeccaLoran]

@@Catlily5 Yes they've grown with me

[@TechSucht]

I just thought that the way most people treat non-neurotypicals is pretty similar to how left-handed people have been treated for a long time. It was considered "wrong" and they tried to teach them to use their right hand instead of accepting that their strong, dominant hand is the left. Left-handed people were considered clumsy and stubborn - just because they were different from the majority, the norm. We - as a society - have just begun to understand that there are many different ways to deal with and perceive reality and that none of those is "wrong" but merely different. The same is true about activity patterns. Some people wake up early and for some reason they managed to make their pattern the norm. Thus anyone who would naturally get up later is considered lazy; which of course is nonsense.

[@OyLorelai]

Just wanted to thank you for making your channel. I’ve been very curious about autism lately and I’ve enjoyed your views on having it and how people should really act. ❤

[@angustheterrible3149]

I feel like PDA is, perhaps, the result of having bodily autonomy denied in childhood, especially if you are neurodivergent. I can't even describe how glad I am in adulthood that I can regulate my own body temperature without receiving permission to do so from others any more. Being constantly forced to put on a coat, put on a sweater, wear long sleeves...I said I'm hot, why can't you just listen to me? I'd be obviously sweating and a teacher would still force me to put on a coat. I exist in a t-shirt at all times of the year now. I wear a jacket, but its a lightweight one that doesn't cause me discomfort.

[@an-genga]

That's interesting...for me, maybe it has something to do with being told to stop stimming (when no one knew it was stimming)---I would just keep doing it because they'd told me not to and annoy everyone---there's like this double-edged sword of do I ignore everyone and make a scene, or do I listen to them and feel really angry for half an hour?

[@misssilvercrown]

I relate to this so much. I overheated so often as a kid and it made me feel terrible. Now I very rarely wear jumpers and most of the time I have loose cooling PJs

[@chrismaxwell1624]

I'm the exact opposite. Me sitting in 4 layers of clothing in front of space heater. I completely understand. I can be comfortable on 30+ c day, 86 F or higher. On those day I go outside in heat just warm up with AC these days.

[@sacrilegiousboi978]

Having talked to many ND/AuDHDers, I’m convinced that PDA is a subconscious anxiety response to anticipated sensory and cognitive overload combined with an under-active reward system. Ordinary tasks for ND’s involve MUCH more effort due to the sheer mental and physical discomfort and extra energy required than for NT’s, In ADDITION to the lack of motivation/reward thanks to lower dopamine levels. It’s a similar sort of thing that everyone experiences in response to hovering your hand over a hot stove, you can physically put your hand on in but subconsciously your brain knows the pain and discomfort it will endure if it does so it doesn’t let you as the pain/cost will infinitely outweigh any reward (zero). Feeling that you’re in control lowers the threat to autonomy feeling from the sensory and cognitive overload as you know you can stop the discomfort at any time, but people setting external expectations makes you feel that you have no choice but to push through the discomfort no matter how tired/exhausted/in pain you might be.

[@gnatdagnat]

Yup. I don't know if it will ever actually matter for my life or anyone's, but I have a working theory: Dysfunctional ND presentations are a combination of processing differences and early socialization/social trauma factors related to the individual's reactions. If we a) Had a world where processing differently wasn't so damning for your functionality or b) We understood individuals' experiences better and knew to treat them with the types of therapy used for PTSD as well as run of the mill CBT to address the worst of the triggers (while relieving stress during the treatment period) we could literally cure these differences from being disabilities or labels (NOT to invalidate people's experiences. As mentioned that part is essential.) As is carried ideologically by the term 'neurodivergent', these are normal variations in human neurology that have unique strengths if properly applied. This potential is untapped by the existing paradigm of disability - although politically it's of course VERY important to protect disability status for vulnerable individuals until the societal structure is better - which, looking at the world today.... there might be a lot of other problems that need addressed lol.

[@gnatdagnat]

P.S. I am not sure about your stovetop reflex analogy but I think it makes sense as far as "an involuntary reaction"

[@Catlily5]

​@@gnatdagnatI disagree. I have had a lot of both of those therapies (PTSD and Cognitive) and I am still on disability. The therapies helped me but there are a lot of neurodivergent issues that they don't cover or can't change. Maybe your approach would work on borderline autism.

[@gnatdagnat]

@@Catlily5 Thanks for sharing that with me. I admittedly don't know too much about the needs of higher level autistics and I appreciate that realistically legal status and supports should stick around. I only wonder about the high level support needs autistic experience now vs in say a pre modern world and whether the world at large could ever know the full breadth of human variation beyond what causes certain people to fall through the cracks in current society. Hence 'if we had a world where processing differently wasn't so damning to your functionality'. I am quite ideologically motivated to prove/disprove the notion that ND are in one true sense very evolutionarily mismatched for modern civilization, and to discover the implications of either case. So actually I am just spewing my constructions of reality onto the internet for validation. Hope it was interesting, and I was glad to hear about your experience. Take care.

[@Catlily5]

@@gnatdagnat Maybe somebody else will validate you!

[@reyfin4922]

I wish this worked in real life. When i try to actually explain my symptoms it's called an excuse or being lazy. But if i just say im tired or, I'm bored, or i just don't want to (actually sounding lazy) then they're like okay. I think this might be because the later is something they can relate to and the former is not so they don't want to accept that THEY are actually being 'lazy' or making excuses when they say "im bored, im tired, i just dont want to" But why does there have to be shame in either one. Just do it when you can as long as it doesnt hurt anyone.

[@FamKamASMR]

This is my entire life in a nutshell. Part of why I prefer to be alone 90% of the time is because most people in my life constantly give me demands KNOWING I have this problem due to autism. Its really bizarre.

[@until.davis.]

i’m glad the comments here are better than the ones on tiktok. some people just refuse to do any research

[@thetonytaye]

not surprising. the toxicity of tiktok comment sections when compared to most other social media platforms should be studied.

[@rebeccalouise81]

I don’t mind helping, but geez STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO lol 😂 yep this is accurate! Thanks Morgan! 🎉

[@mokaakashiya9318]

Yep! I’ve always done this and was diagnosed with autism yesterday. It’s great to understand why I think the way I do.

[@Phenobarbidoll.]

I wonder if this applies to a defiant reaction to an innocent "why didn't you..." when it was something I would've done anyway, but instead I'm trying to picture my zen place and remember my therapy but I'm sputtering and getting loud and now I'm not going to do the thing. Edit: I shared this with my dad, and said maybe knowing this would've made life with a "difficult" child less difficult. I'm 48, late diagnosed autistic at 36.

[@CynnabunFaith]

This is just an opinion piece with no research but instead lived experiences; I absolutely feel like it applies to something like "why didn't you do ___?" when you were going to do it anyway, because it's still, in a way, taking away autonomy. It's still a question asking you to do something. Or rather, why you didn't do something. It's just worded differently than the standard "Hey, can you do ___?"

[@concretebadger]

Brilliantly explained. Instant sub. I never thought that I experienced the PDA side of autism, but seeing this situation...yeah. "Why are you telling me to do something that I was already doing?! Now I don't want to do it any more, and can't even explain why!" I've been there!

[@chessgame00]

Thank you for existing on this Earth..I'm grateful for you.

[@zedayafigueroa460]

I want to thank you for your videos. A few days ago they came up on my feed and for the first time you explained behaviors my 14 year old daughter has all the time. Like shutting down, or suddenly becoming frustrated or angry with me and then she can't explain why. I'd never thought before that she might be autistic but now after watching your explanations of these kinds of behaviors it makes so much sense! This is really going to help me know how to interact more positively with her. Thank you for sharing, I really can't express how grateful I am! 😊

[@kittensteaparty]

I have family text me things. If I'm in the middle of doing something & get hit with a demand, it ends badly. I often don't look at phone unless in-between tasks so when I see it is probably when I can go do it or if need to wait for later before doing it, have a visual reminder of the thing that needs to be done because if get told in-person might just nod or agree out of instinct while completely ignoring or not processing what was said & then later get in trouble for not doing the thing when brain never even registered task that needed to be done in the first place.

[@MrDaydreamer1584]

I prefer text messages over face-to-face.

[@Electrowave]

PDA wasn't mentioned in my diagnosis but this video is so familiar to me! I get called "being awkward" when this happens. Thank you! 🙂

[@QuintupletSandwich]

What a great video. To anyone doubting, this really works.

[@piggypea123]

thank you so much for making this video, it's so relatable and it makes me feel so much more understood💗💗

[@lilamiumi]

Morgan, I hope you know how valuable your content is!!! You are such a flippin' GEM!!!

[@Riley-reso]

I started working at a kid’s autism center and I so appreciate your videos! This is one of the main things we do, offer choice and honor autonomy and assent. Can’t wait to watch more :)

[@SENSEF]

It's a tightrope walk. I give my child options and then she melts down into "Yes-no-yes-no... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE!" She's overwhelmed by choice too often, even simple 2 similar choice situations. She "what-ifs" herself like crazy running unrealistic scenarios in her mind (usually explaning out loud every detail at length) and I have to help her come back to reality, the here and now, instead of her anxiety ridden imagination. But if I don't give her choice, she can't function under "demands" or "commands" or anything that isn't light and playful. But it's frustrating because life can't always be light and playful. Like I said, tightrope walk. I really appreciate you making these videos to help people understand what's really going on!

[@misssilvercrown]

This is so helpful thank you. I try to explain this to my mum, but I'm really bad at explaining what's happening in my head, so I'm going to show her this. Your videos are always so good at putting things into words, very informative!

[@kristinripley5168]

Yeah, but with me and my fam, if they give me options like “Hey, could you do the dishes,” I would 1,000% be lazy and not do them. That was when I had mild-severe autism. Now, I graduated college and start my new big girl job on Monday!

[@CynnabunFaith]

Congratulations! How are you fairing now - Is the job manageable? I hope your workplace is a lot more accepting than the majority of other places! I wish you well on your journey.

[@MelodieRose727]

That was so helpful. Thank you. ❤

[@breadfan_85]

I've gotten a lot better with this. Like I can do what is asked if me when it's asked if me, but I have to really push myself and it feels like so much more work than it actually is. But when I was growing up, I struggled with this a lot. My mother was always demanding that I drop everything I'm doing and immediately do things for her and I just couldn't. If she asked me to do something like "at some point" it was fine and I'd usually have the thing done or at least started with half an hour or so, but if it had to be "right now" I just couldn't and it would turn into a huge blowout fight. And yes things like you show in this video would sometimes happen too where I'm literally already doing or about to do the thing, and once I was told to, I couldn't continue. It was a huge problem. We were totally that house on the block that constant screaming matches could be heard from, and a good portion of the time, it was because of exactly this.

[@harriehelikopter1750]

I can relate to this. Its even worse if people not only tell me what to do, but also tell me how to do it. Even worse if they tell me to do it now. And even worse if they start with "I want you to.."

[@asdfghyter]

oh, the giving options thing is exactly what I've been taught to do with children as well. I guess everyone appreciates having control and autonomy. but yeah, it sucks when I'm doing something and when someone demands it, all the will to do it suddenly disappears!

[@downshift4life]

I subbed. Good shit.

[@jjbearz2275]

Seriously though that's my whole life the only issue is I'm not diagnosed so my mom just thinks I'm being rude

[@RanRanRenchan]

I have ADHD, but I experience this exact same thing! My brain's immediate response is, "Oh, so you think I wasn't already going to do the thing? I'm smart enough to do the thing of my own volition. I can do it, obviously... but not anymore." It's really frustrating. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@EllaONeil-vn3ze]

Ever be unable to reload the dishwasher because the feel of the dirty dishes freaks you out, and you end up having a mini panic attack over it? And then ask your parents to not do them, even if they have to get done?

[@user-pi3mf3fg5d]

i relate to this so much lol

[@cahuni]

and what if your partner's AuDHD ? if I ask (even if I'm offering options) for them to do a house chore, bam! PDA. if I don't mention the house chore, it will Never get done by them because of the Famous _"Out of Sight, Out of Mind"_ . either way I'm f*kd and the house chores pile up on me alone. 😭

[@Catlily5]

So say there are two chores that need to be done can you ask, "would you rather do the dishes or clean the toilet?" That way they have a choice.

[@Gummy_Pop.]

My mom needs to see this

[@desertdarlene]

I've been looking into this and I don't think I have PDA, or I have a super mild case of it. My main thing about demands is that I feel inadequate about doing them because I don't understand the request. The other person doesn't make it clear what they want. If the request is clear and to my abilities, I usually don't have a problem with them.

[@truman3.0]

My childhood personified

[@TheJoyOfAutism]

Loves it 🎨

[@neonswan1482]

How the hell do I stop mirroring characters I used to mirror dc villains.. Stopped watching those shows even tho there my fav... I just watched pirates of the caribbean and I'm acting like a drunk birate (ik it's pirate but you can't convince me jack sparrows not a rainbow)

[@bethanienaylor]

Bruh! Same.

[@kyubeyo]

ATP I be doing it subconsciously, like I can’t avoid it. Everywhere I go I’m mirroring a character

[@lamhw]

i do not have autism but i relate to this sm

[@koi_bubbles]

i have been trying to explain this exact issue to my mother my entire life. I turn 19 this summer and have been trying for the last 3 years (as a feminine bodied person) to get a medical professional to refer to into autism testing. It will happen one day, but for now this is getting sent to my mom so I can say "See! It's not me being defiant! I just cannot handle when you demand things of me!"

[@Leelior]

Someone commented here: “how do you get a PDAer to do something; you can’t”. To which my response is: Oh sure you can. Just get very angry and barrette them for their outburst or non-compliance every time it happens starting from early childhood so they learn to suppress it and do the thing anyway just full of the horrible feeling that comes with it, but you have no idea. And they also have no idea it is “a thing” either, until several decades later in their life when a random youtube video called "let's learn about autism pda together" from another asd person pops up when they are finally so sick of being on the spectrum that they have started to do their own research with help from others on the spectrum that have all started sharing their experiences online. I have just lived with and ignored the feeling my entire life since it made the adults very angry, which has now resulted in me not liking or being able to do anything when people are around, which is apparently in itself a asd trait, but I’m sure it is amplified by my pda-related-“trauma”. :)

[@found_it]

I get this sometimes but I don't know what triggers it. It might have something to do with either the task itself, the person who is telling me to do the task or the attitude, intention, or emotion behind the request. Tasks that involve cleaning or tidying like dishes or laundry I do right away when I'm told to do it. When it comes to the person, some people I will do things when asked and some people I get like what's in the video when they ask me to do it. With intention, I can tell when something is off by their nonverbal communication and I get hesitant. This last point might be why peer pressure doesn't affect me. My brother that is about 2 and half years younger than me definitely had reactions like this when told to do things he was already going to do.

[@JustMe_OhWell]

💚

[@blackquiver]

Watched it

[@gingerisevil02]

I’m not even autistic and this shit pisses me off since I was denied autonomy. I have completed the task with burning rage, or , in my case I will stop doing it because I don’t like feeling that someone things I’m doing something for them. Like ok fine I’ll stop then 🤷🏼‍♀️you do it. Tbh it’s just rude

[@0whatman]

it would help me so much if people did this lol

[@briana9918]

Nah, why would I do the dishes for you? You can do them yourself

[@morgaanfoley]

I really like to be helpful i might even be to much of a people pleaser but if my PDA is triggered oh mannn. no matter what the task is my brain just freaks out

[@vi0let831]

Lol fr

[@itslike60minutesonacid]

im not defiant i just physically cannot allow myself to be controlled

[@itslike60minutesonacid]

i also had no idea what pda was before watching this i thought you meant public displays of affection lmao, every day i discover another part of my identity thats tied to autism its crazy. like i would genuinely be unrecognizable in disposition if i was neurotypical it makes me wonder who i would be if i wasnt autistic

[@cirrus.floccus]

I'm so confused now, do people mean "can you do the dishes?" as a demand? I've always treated questions like that as … well, a question. Also not a "do it right now", but maybe more of a "can you do it sometime today?" But also, since it is a question, I can say "no" and the other person won't be mad at me… why would they ask a question if they mean "I want you to do it"? Have I done it wrong my entire life? Is this why my neurotypical ex constantly got mad at me? D: That's stupid, why would anyone communicate like that?

[@brendanmcculloch2406]

for me growing up i felt this most often with my mother's habit of "volunteering" my help to her friends having problems (usually either with tech/physical labour like clearing gutters/mowing lawns). Always things that I'd be happy to do if asked, but I am called rude if I then say I want to actually be asked beforehand ("what does it matter if the answer would be the same anyway?" was a line I heard many times). Combined with extremely poor memory this also often led to me forgetting a request/command while my brain was still trying to deal with it, then getting angrier and angrier commands for the same task and getting scolded for "ignoring simple requests"

[@em7626]

i sent this to my mom to try and explain some things but she said it’s just laziness 😢

[@singularityscan]

But it gets more problematic when the demand is more specific like: You have to clean the dishes with water and soap! Then ill clean them with sand and air or burn them clean, same result and I feel autonomous 🤣

[@mjolnir3309]

I've found a way to kinda hack my pda. When someone politey asks, "can you do X for me." If i respond "no" then i can actually do it. Somehow it makes me feel like it's a joke or my choice. This only works if they accept no for an answer. If they try to push it. I dig in. I guess it's just an acknowledgement that I have a choice to not do it, which allows me to decide if I actually want to do it or not.

[@Catlily5]

Sometimes I think other people are making unreasonable demands on me. I make a big fuss And say that I can't do it. After saying that I can't, I suddenly can do it.

[@DanikaThing1]

I thought this was going to be a skit about Public Display of Affection 😅

[@chrismaxwell1624]

I don't think PDA exists. It's just how others not on spectrum perceive it. What it really is just my brain telling I'm not capable doing that right now and I don't have way to communicate that in way that makes sense at that time. In that instance the demand is like telling paralyzed person to just get up and walk. In looking deeper into it, using the spoons analogy. Take example of dishes where one is about to do the dishes. It's going cost me 2 spoons. Have 2 spoons and I'm going to do the dishes. I get interrupted and someone tells me to do the dishes. Now that's a problem. That interruption just used up up one of my spoons. Now I only have 1 spoon and dishes costs 2 spoons. I literally can't do the dishes now and the reason is they ruined it by interrupting my thought pattern to do the dishes. Once I get another spoon I can do those dishes. So a person sees me go play video games and not doing the dishes but doesn't understand that I'm doing this to get a spoon back so I can do the dishes. Then they label it PDA but it's spoon management and even the person experiencing this can be totally unaware of it. I've noticed if I save some spoons for things like that I can do things that normally I'd not do when demanded too. I also not I don't do thing when I demand of myself when I don't have the spoons to do it. This how I experience it, not suggesting everyone does so for others experiences with PDA could entirely different and very real fitting description as PDA.

[@BipolarCourage]

Fight/flight isn't usually verbose

[@johnny4062]

I do this all the time! But what's the difference between this and just being an entitled Millenial/GenZ that needs to learn that they won't always get their way? I'm worried about using autism as an excuse to avoid needed personal growth.

[@Valdagast]

Allistic (sp?) person here. Do you feel your autonomy threatened if I comment on you doing the dishes? Like if I said "Oh, how nice of you to do the dishes"?

[@ld2091]

For a PDAer it would feel like you wanted/expected them to do the dishes (present and future expectations) so yes it would feel like you were taking away PDAers autonomy. Expectations are a demand. But maybe when the dishes are done and kitchen is clean and tidy you could say “I enjoy a clean kitchen” or “I can cook better now”or “I’m so glad that mess is gone”.

[@Valdagast]

@@ld2091 ok, thanks

[@Nemarh]

How is autism different than normal people? Every single video and shorts you posted related to this seems normal behavior to me.

[@TactlessTori]

First.. :)