Perfectionism and Cognitive Distortions

[@deborahbain9915]

This was brilliant

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thank you for such a nice comment! So pleased you found it so!

[@anikalee9012]

I'm a scapegoat of NPD parents. I have severe anxiety attack. And this is eyes opened for me. Thanks you so much.

[@StarBitt97]

First, I want to say I have some cognitive issues - memory - from MS, that have made these difficult for me to remember. I have the list of cognitive distortions, but struggle remember how to change how I think about each. I did counseling for a few years about 5-10 years ago and we talked about CBT and the cognitive distortions. But I struggle to understand how to work through those and begin to change my thoughts . My counselor said I was like a reverse narcissist who thinks everything bad that happens is about me causing it. That was the message from my Mom so I know where it comes from, but changing how I think is such a huge challenge. Thank you for giving me another way to look at these distortions and look for the gray area…I am very black and white. Even have had an eating disorder where I was either binging, or purging. Finding middle ground is my life mission.

[@jaymoraski]

I can relate, just do the best u can. 💜💜

[@guidosalescalvano9862]

Perfectionists also often don't see their attitude as perfectionism, but as striving to make something adequate. So maybe inadequatism would be a better wording.

[@ilyahohenstein692]

I do find this very helpful. Identifying the link between perfectionism and anxiety is a breakthrough for me.

[@g3andrea]

This makes so much sense to me. Your series is very enlightening. I appreciate how brief, but targeted you are in your descriptions. I can pinpoint where I need to dig in deeper.

[@earlgreyt123]

I struggled a lot with this in my youth and it made me hesitant to try things, in case it didn't turn out perfectly. Then I heard about an Amish tradition, where out of modesty they will deliberately add a flaw to their handmade quilts, because 'only God is perfect'. It's been so freeing to be able to look at something I've made and accept it as 'good enough'! 😊 And amazingly I've never had any complaints so maybe they're not as bad as I thought!😂 (Apologies if the quote isn't true, but it is something I heard that has really helped me put things in perspective!😉)

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Love this idea and concept! Reminds me of the Japanese tradition of Kintsugi, the "beauty in broken things." Might be good topic for a video :) ❤ Thank you for sharing - I think it could be helpful for others!

[@earlgreyt123]

@@BarbaraHeffernan Oh yes, where they repair cracked ceramics with gold? Beautiful!🥰

[@TodSully]

​@@BarbaraHeffernan wabi sabi. "Flaws" illustrate our blessed transient unique existence. It is life defining beauty.

[@abcd-hw7zq]

Thank youuuu❤

[@oxdezush4147]

Thank you, it is very clear explained

[@trishellis1908]

This was great. I Can definitely relate to these. It’s very helpful to see the undercurrents behind our thinking patterns. I appreciate your help Barbara. You are a blessing to us ❤

[@loubendrick3992]

Thank you. Really useful!

[@KoolT]

3:05 all or nothing thinking

[@jaymoraski]

Thanks

[@martinburrows6844]

Thank you for taking the time to post this. Even if it was only 80%. 😉

[@FarhiaFarah-wg5qe]

tttttt this is sooo truEEEthis is sooo worry sadness lifeless

[@malca1945]

Barbara thank you so much. Are the exercises also suitable for the "third age" thats how it is called in Israel.. ? That means, for me as a mother, grandmother, etc. because according to the attached photos, it seems suitable only for young people these days? Thanks.🌹👍

[@earlgreyt123]

Sounds like a great time to make some changes - think of the example you can set for your family!🥰

[@PracticalLifeSkillz]

It’s even the smallest thing such as a gift. I cannot just go to dollar general and buy something. I hand make something useful and sustainable for you. Now it is just lovely, and thoughtful; but doing this with everything in my life, is exhausting.

[@Kumzum1]

I dont get the part about Labels. I mean if i see a person as "bad" because of their action or at least problematic, its kind of a labeling two. But with reasons. I mean labeling someone because of our morale values cant be a bad thing to do. Or is labeling only a bad thing in connection with perfectionism.

[@Alycelibby]

Someone can do a bad thing but that doesn’t mean they are completely awful. Maybe they had a bad day or circumstances and made a bad choice. But, for example, they always treat their mother well. Humans are not all completely great or awful, but you choose your people based off having similar morals and valuing similar things.

[@Kumzum1]

@@Alycelibby Ok, maybe fast labeling is bad. But if after a few times, i can see some bad behaviour again and agáin, i think its appropriate. Label dont represent the whole person, but sometimes the part of them, which makes it difficult to deal with them.

[@earlgreyt123]

It's good to recognise labels we've been given (or given ourselves) as we tend to live up to them. So for example, if we believe we are 'useless', we probably won't stretch ourselves to try something new, assuming we will fail.

[@КалинаВ0505]

Labels are objective when they concern the behavior. But when labels concern the person per se, then they become problematic. Even Jesus said to not judge people, only their "sins".

[@FarhiaFarah-wg5qe]

ticEticE. Familyyyy soooo caming caming sooo WELCOME and sooooo WELDOOOOOOWN everlife livelife plenty till pradisE SENERATIONSSS Familiessss Right. familyyyy system. Who iam SELFSELF is Who iam EvEr my wholE lifE bE Around brighter shinEr EvEr .