If I'm not physically attracted, should I say "yes" to a date? Today I'm unpacking the importance of physical attraction in dating.
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@thatsfunny20514 жыл бұрын
If a man finds me totally unattractive, as in "wow this is a struggle for me", then I would really really prefer him not to ask me out
@Mel-so4ou4 жыл бұрын
I agree! And I would add, that it’s equally unfair to the man if I’m simply not attracted to him at all and-as you put it, if I’m like, “Wow this is a struggle for me.” Personally, since I'm a bit older and have gotten to know quite a number of high quality Christian men, I've found that if I'm not attracted to a man - however sweet and godly - it just does *not* change for me. I've dated awesome, godly men I kept hoping I'd "suddenly" be attracted to one day - but it never happened. I don't expect (or even want) to be with a model - just someone that I personally find attractive. And, from very early on, I usually know if there's any physical attraction. Or not. By being honest with my own heart, I'm honoring **both** of us.
@thatsfunny20514 жыл бұрын
@@Mel-so4ou I am a little bit older too -- well, older than the target demographic here, anyway. I have found the same thing. It just doesn't change for me. Or at least it hasn't yet. And I think that if it were going to happen for me, it would have by this point in my life.
@respectabletampodcast4 жыл бұрын
That is how I feel.
@angelasindija19074 жыл бұрын
@@Mel-so4ou wow, my feelings exactly!!
@angelasindija19074 жыл бұрын
@@Mel-so4ou and thank you! Cos I usually feel guilt that I'm not attracted to a good guy cos of physical attraction. And same as you, I don't need model, just someone I'm personally attracted to.
@emmaociee4 жыл бұрын
My mom has always told me that she was not attracted to my dad at first....but then his kindness took over, and she fell head over heels.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Love that!
@freerunning2Him4 жыл бұрын
That is literally what is happening with me right now. My brother's girlfriend saw a pic of the guy and went, "I wouldn't have pictured him as your type." But he is so gentle, so kind, humble, honest, devoted to God and prayer, puts me first and pushes me forward. How can I not?
@BrookeTherese4 жыл бұрын
Ok let me know if any of you ladies are like this but for me, if I'm talking to a guy who isn't "traditionally" attractive for some reason for me, once I get to know them and their heart I think they are the most beautiful person in the world lol
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Makes a big difference, doesn't it?
@joys.63474 жыл бұрын
Yes! I know a guy who may not be what the world thinks is attractive, but his heart is beautiful, and that's what I love about him.
@Ruth-AnneKlassen4 жыл бұрын
Agree, and conversely, a physically attractive person sometimes seems less attractive if I realize they have an unattractive heart/personality. Experience with them makes all the difference!
@mariahprice-perez20334 жыл бұрын
Attractive or not, if they’re a man of faith and they can make me laugh, they’ve won half the battle 😂
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Good qualities to have for sure!
@louise2524 жыл бұрын
You can’t force attraction if you genuinely feel nothing from the beginning. I’ve tried, and it absolutely doesn’t work. Don’t settle!!!!! God will bring you someone good.
@savedbyjesus73654 жыл бұрын
The perfect timing of this is insane! My jaw dropped when I saw the title because it was like an answer from God, haha 😊
@temmy99834 жыл бұрын
Omg meet too 😂😅
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Glad it was helpful!
@djosolo054 жыл бұрын
This topic was going through my mind too!
@lorenatkins48154 жыл бұрын
Same... and you spell your name like I do lol
@hopebullard4604 жыл бұрын
Same!!!
@izzycohen94 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this. I thought my husband was attractive when we first met, yes. But his attractiveness increased tenfold when he showed me his gentleness and Godliness as a man. The night we met, I told him about the abuse that I had endured (which I tried to never bring up in the first few dates but somehow it came up) and he didnt run away like a lot of guys would. And he's still as gentle and Godly today, if not more so. You can be attracted to someone physically of course, but you can absolutely be attracted to someone's heart too.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Love that. a beautiful example.
@nikkijoycrichlow4 жыл бұрын
maybe God deliberately sends us guys that wouldn't catch our eye (initially) so we don't act like total bafoons. I know for me, if God sent me the supa fine man of my dreams my heart (hate to admit it) falls into a posture of "worship" of him. But someone you grow in love with over time tends to last longer. Jesus wants us to fall first for their holiness before their hotness. Or something like that :)
@victorialester16344 жыл бұрын
This doesn't sit right with me. You can find a man that has heart, character, ambition aNd is attractive to you. Yes physical appearance shouldn't be at the top of your list, and yes you shouldn't have specific physical attributes on that list, but God gave us that attraction to people precisely for marital compatibility. I agree that if you don't find yourself attracted to someone right away that you should still be friends and remain open minded to that changing in the future, but if I went on several dates with a guy just for him to break it off with me and say he was never attracted to me and was just hoping to be, I would be very hurt.
@justynanowicka924 жыл бұрын
Last year I met a man and we spent our first date talking for hours, laughing and having fun. The only "issue" was that he was just a little bit taller than me. I wasn't sure what to do with it - I've always imagined myself with a man much taller than me but on the other hand I felt that I've never met anyone like him. All of the sudden I started to see a lot of happy couples with little or no height difference around me - so I took it as a God's sign that I should give it a chance. And it was the best decision ever! We're together for almost a year and he's the most caring and loving person I've ever met and I'm extremely grateful that I decided to trust God and know this man better 😊
@MissLadyG994 жыл бұрын
Corretta Scott King thought Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was short when she first saw him, but as she began to listen to him speak and hear his thoughts and ideas he became taller. (paraphrased from "My Life With Martin Luther King Jr." by Mrs. Corretta Scott King.
@thatsfunny20514 жыл бұрын
A lot of this is a "growing up" issue too. I'm 5'8". Dating a guy shorter than me doesn't bother me now at age 30, but it might have at 23.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
A good point!
@Chydova4 жыл бұрын
So true! You get more wise when you reach your thirties. And if you have a problem with something such as height, then you don't really love the person. Someone who questions "why would God do this" over something so unimportant such as height should reanalyze her/his heart and ask themselves why am I dating
@thatsfunny20514 жыл бұрын
@@Chydova Yeah, it really seems like something said by a very young person. Everybody is allowed to have preferences of course, but if it's really a deal breaker, just stop dating him. Let him find someone else.
@Mateogreat4 жыл бұрын
@@Chydova i know many women taller than thier husbands not giving a good guy a chance because he not 6ft tall or taller than you isn't smart
@dixienicoara4 жыл бұрын
I wasn't physically attracted to my husband at first but when he approached me cuz he was interested in me, I didn't completely write him off. Something inside me told me to be open and give him a chance. I got to know him and I saw his heart. Alot of girls looked passed him because he wasn't "model looking" To me his heart speaks VOLUMES more than how he looks. I married him
@luuvvvu4ever6924 жыл бұрын
Perfect timing for me...I went on a date with a man a couple weeks ago and shamefully, I let it go too far sexually. I started to get upset and I told him I was still a virgin waiting for marriage and he apologized and said he would still like to see me and get to know me. We went on a second date last week and it went well but at the end he was pressuring me to go back to his apartment and made it clear that he wanted it to go in a sexual direction. I told him no and seemed very annoyed. I got home and sent him a goodbye text and he apologized again but said a sexual relationship is something he needs. I just didn't respond. He was EXTREMELY attractive and exactly my physical type. I feel like Satan is always trying to attack me in this area but by Gods grace he always fails. I feel shallow at times because physical attraction is very important to me and I find it hard to be open..
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
May God protect your journey, keep you close to His heart, and show the way. There is nothing wrong with physical attraction being important to you, but any guy who is exhibiting ANY sort of pressure about ANYTHING on the second date is NOT the guy for you!
@luuvvvu4ever6924 жыл бұрын
@@emwilss Thank you ❤
@maryspica4 жыл бұрын
I feel this a lot too... I wish physical attraction was not so important to me, but my eyes fail me. I never though the handsome guy could be a sort of temptation so thank you for the insight!
@luuvvvu4ever6924 жыл бұрын
@@maryspica Some of the best looking people, and I say some not all, unfortunately, don't have much to offer because they bank everything on the fact that the person won't resist them simply because of their physical appearance. That's exactly what I ran into a couple weeks ago and it's ashame because even in that short time I saw a few characteristics in him that seemed actually very good, but all he cared about was the physical.
@maryspica4 жыл бұрын
@@luuvvvu4ever692 I have noticed it too, it is such a shame... however, I think sometimes I would probably do the same if I were them. Sometimes I think and I see that on their story/ past relationships might have had a big impact on how they see themselves (also I have two brothers). For instance, when they have been used by some women they might have discovered that they have something unique and special that women like and that maybe if they settle to that thing (the physical) it's enough. This unfortunately is not false (sometimes). I feel a great responsibility as I'm trying not to use them or make them feel like things..and I also see my faults and how bad I can deal with my inner thoughts and desires. This responsibility seems such an honour and such a burden
@hitthefries4 жыл бұрын
I was about to type "easy for you to say, your husband is handsome" until you said the exact same thing. Keep calling me out sis! Hahaha
@lochtessmonsterxoxo4 жыл бұрын
I totally understand what you're saying. I also think this kind of mindset can lead to women going on pity dates with men they know they're not attracted to and prolonging a situation that will not end up working out. One hundred percent yes, be open to men different from your "type!" Heart will always be the most overwhelmingly attractive thing about someone. At the same time, if you already know them a little and there isn't any chemistry for you, it's probably not going to show up even if you do grow to admire their heart. You can admire and get along super well with someone and still not have feelings for them. Saying yes if you're not genuinely interested just doesn't seem worthwhile for either person.
@milagroscapomasi85254 жыл бұрын
Also, physical appearance can change so much throughout life! Different seasons in life, medical conditions, habits, tastes (in clothing for ex) can affect a lot the way you see the other person. Somebody might be young and toned and beautiful one day and not be in a couple of years. If you love them for who they are, you will find beauty in all their different external changes. And a guy that maybe doesn't stand out bc of his appearance might start to exersice, change some habits, dress differently or whatever and suddendly become gorgeous to you. (this change may or may not come to pass bc he started dating you 😉) So looks are not a reliable thing to look for in a future husband, as opposed to character, values, personality, interests
@angelinaloreta4 жыл бұрын
Before I met my boyfriend, I used to be super shallow (“requiring “ 6’3” and blue eyes). However, God did a work in me and in my boyfriend, I saw his heart and his unwavering devotion first to God. And THAT was all I needed. We are going six months strong today and I’ve never been happier :)
@bethanyeloisexx4 жыл бұрын
When you started talking about the hard times and his commitment, I got a little teary. So true! What a beautiful vision for a relationship.
@nadineruiz58594 жыл бұрын
Hey Emily! Can you talk about like having a sexual attraction to someone when their not even dating. And like craving that sexual attention
@raff94924 жыл бұрын
I'm not Emily but... sexual attraction or desire is normal and given to us by God. It only becomes a sin when you visualize or imagine doing sexual things with the other person. So, when you use others and view them as an object for your pleasure, it's lust because it's selfish. But, when you see others and view them as a PERSON whilst admiring and acknowledging their beauty (from God), then that's perfectly fine! Hope that helps.
@godistheanswer123ify4 жыл бұрын
Raff amen!! Simply put 😁
@mariabrown43984 жыл бұрын
Wow I love this video. I've always struggled with this concept, and had trouble deciding on where to apply the level physical attraction and how to react when the level I expected wasn't there. Thank you so much for this advice!! I wrote off my best friend from high school because I didn't like him "that way". But once I realized that I actually was attracted to him as a person, it was too late. Don't be afraid to be honest when you don't see a future, but always give it a shot! ❤️
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing. A very, very good point.
@thatsfunny20514 жыл бұрын
I'm going to keep commenting here. For me, physical attraction is important. It just is. Having said that, I have been physically attracted to a lot of different 'types'. Seriously though. If the idea of having to have sex with him for the next 40 years makes you want to cry, don't marry him. I would give it about three dates.
@scottwhitley55424 жыл бұрын
Good advice!!
@_ami954 жыл бұрын
i agree with you on this. you're not just marrying a personality, you're marrying a whole person. if you don't want to be intimate with them physically, that's not fair to him. imagine if you're dating/married to a man and he says "i love you but don't really want to have sex with you"...that would hurt! but writing off someone cause they're not super tall or conventionally attractive i think isn't right. i've had to learn this the hard way over the years
@MRD924 жыл бұрын
I feel ya
@elizabethpritchard89084 жыл бұрын
I think three dates is fair, that’s what I feel like too!
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
And I agree with you :) Should I have also made the disclaimer...I am not encouraging you to marry a man with whom the thought of a sexual marital relationship makes you cry...:) I said in the video that it is important, yes, and I am saying give it the opportunity to grow.
@valerielinares20684 жыл бұрын
First, I want to say that I believe the best way to find a mate is allowing God to select a mate for you. He knows you better than you know yourself - who best to find a mate for you? This can be though dating, courting, or sometimes God can and does miraculously bring someone in your life to be with. That being said, when we allow God to choose a mate for us, He does consider our preferences for physical attraction. They may not be a Mr. or Ms. Supermodel; but God would choose a mate for you that you personally find attractive. You don't have to force yourself to date someone who you find to be physically unattractive if you don't want to. Also, it doesn't matter whether or not someone else finds them attractive. Don't worry about whether your friends find him attractive. As long as they are attractive to _you_ , it doesn't matter if someone else finds them attractive or not. I have met many couples where people opted out of dating and prayed to God, surrendering a selection of a mate to Him, and He chose the person who was right for them. In Every. Single. Scenario where God selected a mate for the couples in question, God took their preferences for physical attractiveness into consideration. Sure, their mate wasn't attractive to _me_ , but that's fine. It doesn't matter whether or not _I_ find them attractive. It only matters that _they_ find their husband (or wife) attractive. In physical attractiveness, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone has to think your spouse is hot stuff. If _you_ do, who cares what anyone else thinks? You shouldn't. At the end of the day, though, I do believe there's more to a person than the way they look. Just cause someone looks good on the outside doesn't mean they look good on the inside. What's in the person's heart and mind still matters most. While some believers may think God doesn't care about our personal preferences for physical attractiveness, that's simply untrue. Just make sure you're motives for liking someone are NOT just because you find them physically attractive. I also want to say that, I 100% agree that physical attractiveness isn't everything because, as you said, it's important to consider the life within marriage as a whole - as a lifespan. And you want someone who is compatible with you for that lifelong journey. That, I 100% agree with. That being said, physical attractiveness does matter because you will be engaging in sexual activity with this person. Granted, there is more to marriage than the sexual aspect of it, absolutely. Still, because sexual intimacy plays _any_ part of marriage, physical attractiveness and preferences does matter to some degree. Not saying they have to be a Ms. or Mr. Supermodel, or that looks are everything. Another edit, I want to add that I agree with you, though, that someone could look more attractive to you once you get to know them for who they are. I agree that attractiveness could come in forms in addition to physical attractiveness.
@IamSaphy4 жыл бұрын
This could not have come at a more perfect time! I have been talking to this man I met online for the last 2 months. We have talked throughout the week with phone calls that last hours. Seems to be a very Holy and God fearing man. I am not attractive to his pictures or when we zoomed. However I do not wish to be shallow and I want to stay open for a true connection. And not a connection based on the outside. Thank you for this video! We are meeting for the first time tomorrow and this gave me much needed encouragement! God Bless ❤
@karolinaminarikova53744 жыл бұрын
Good luck. I had same relationship. It didn´t work out. It didn´t have the spark. But I tried for couple of months. We were young (16,17). But good luck with your man :)
@jadenortiz50074 жыл бұрын
Physical attraction matters to me, but I pay more attention to how a man carries himself, how he chooses to dress, what his world view is, who he hangs out with, and who he avoids. I’ve noticed that I naturally tend to look for those things first, and if I find what I’m looking for, I find that more attractive than physical appearance.
@kendramac39694 жыл бұрын
This was ... AMAZING!!! My mom always thinks that your future husband has to be a good person, but he can’t be ugly as well. I say I don’t care how he looks , if he makes the rest of my life awesome, then I’m marrying him.
@LadyK0074 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this Emily. I needed to hear it. God has a way of using you to deliver truth. Thank you for letting Him.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
A very sweet comment. Thank you so much.
@Chryslerdealership4 жыл бұрын
This made me realize something that I’ve been struggling with lately... If you ever feel like a guy (or guys in general) won’t ever like you because of your physical appearance or aspects of it, first of all, you ARE beautiful, in a unique way. And secondly, if marriage isn’t just about physical attraction, why would we worry that we won’t get married only because of something as superficial as physical attraction? Ladies, that will not last forever. Pray that God will give you a man who sees past your physical appearance and really sees your heart. Stop worrying and stressing so much about changing how you look, and instead focus on how you can improve your character and do acts of kindness towards people. Not only will it benefit your future relationship, but it will help this world.
@paulast20334 жыл бұрын
I am that person. When I saw him for the first time I didn’t feel anything. There was other guy in my mind at the time and I felt nothing interesting romantically speaking. And then we started talking... and, well, to sum up we got married 3 years later and now we are expecting our firstborn 😂
@catherinehiggins19684 жыл бұрын
Men everywhere are going to be so grateful to Emily for this one! 😂 Another great video, once again.
@taraleasure4 жыл бұрын
Yes! Totally agree! A girl I was good friends with in college became good friends with a guy who was her neighbor. He was all in, ready to pursue a relationship with her. She knew he had a beautiful heart but she didn’t find him physically attractive at first. The more they got to know each other, the more she found him attractive. I just think their relationship goes to show that attraction can definitely grow with time, because now they’re married!
@HomeboundVagabond4 жыл бұрын
I agree! Especially if you are online dating. It’s unfair to base someone on their pictures. Seeing someone in person can be totally different than how photogenic they are or how good of a picture they take. Chemistry can’t be felt through a picture. If the conversation is good, take the risk and meet him. You have nothing to lose.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
YEP YEP YEP! I always tell me friends...you cannot be attracted to a photo!!!!
@samahamara85434 жыл бұрын
Exactly Instagram ruined our lives... it's mostly vice versa too. Where you constantly have to prove and prove yourself on apps ..and end up being compared anyways.
@mintyhippo81254 жыл бұрын
Yeah, I have seen a few people I know on dating apps, and their pictures don’t show how pretty they are in person. It most likely works vice versa too.
@kellycrazie85894 жыл бұрын
Actually, I wanted to post this question: what is it, that so many Christian guys seem they could care less if they put a nice photo on a dating site? I'm not talking about what they look like, I'm talking about the quality of the photo... so many times just your everyday selfie from an unflattering angle... How am I supposed to like it 🙈 writing from Europe, not sure what it's like in the USA
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Petra, it's a real problem! I have considered offering a service where I'd help men who wanted help to choose the best few photos of them or even take a good, quality one for their profile picture!
@valeriavidalpolo88394 жыл бұрын
Hi Emily, I admire you a lot, I see you as a big sister in Jesus Christ, I really love your videos..... With that been said, I’ve been struggling with this topic lately and you’re so right, but for example in my case I don’t want a Brad Pitt looking guy, neither have expectations about height, eye color o hair... But I would love to have a husband who has a wonderful heart and soul but at the same time I would love to be really attracted to him, I don’t care if he is not an “Instagram guy”, but a guy who I can be attracted to, is that wrong? ...I don’t want to miss out an opportunity with a guy who can be my future husband according to the plan of God only for his appearance...
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Nothing wrong at all with caring about how he looks. What I am saying is that you can fall in love with a man's heart before you fall in love with his looks - it is not a one or the other situation....one can LEAD to the other if we are open. Be not discouraged!
@valeriavidalpolo88394 жыл бұрын
Emily Wilson thank you!!! So much wisdom from you Emily!! Send you hugs and love, blessings for you and your family, thank you for helping us with our way to heaven ❤️🙏🏼
@10fingersmusic234 жыл бұрын
I really liked this video and while the guy I'm currently good friends with is attractive, I know that I do not look like who he normally dates and he told me the type of woman he dated or pursued in the past. Thankfully, I'd learned just how spirit filled and servant hearted he is BEFORE he said that or I might have just said ok and passed. I spent a year just saying things about how I love my job as a teacher and doing ministry work at church and often being able to give someone a ride to church or participate in a baptism. Last fall, he asked me to play piano for a baptism (he is mission leader and in charge of organizing baptisms) after I had played and was getting ready for my second mission that of driving him and others home, he walked over to me and just said 'Beautiful' and looked at me. I was blown away. For all that I physically don't match what he was attracted to, it seems that who I am has gotten his attention. I'm thankful that I did talk often about my life and who I am. This does work and that is right. I prayed that who God would call me to marry would be a man with a servants heart. Who loves others as he loves the Lord. Looks never were something that I worried about because looks will not be there always. I'm 55 and he is older than me. We will age but it is who we are that endures and that is what is important. My mother commented that he is an attractive man and while I know this, his looks have less to do with what attracted me to him. It is the character and that I can see Jesus Christ in his countanace and see evidence of the Lord in his life that are much more attractive to me.
@xxLivexxLovexx4Ever4 жыл бұрын
I'm going to be really open and vulnerable... I'm dating someone and he's honestly just such an amazing guy. He has such a beautiful heart and I know this full well. He's not someone that has the "look" I'm usually attracted to but just like you've said in this video, I know that's not what is the key to a relationship or the important thing. I also know that when you love someone's personality and see who they are, it truly makes them more physically attractive. I have experienced this both ways (where someone became more attractive to me because they were great or less attractive because he's not a good person). I actually even experienced this with my boyfriend! He became much more attractive for me so I got to know him. But lately I haven't been feeling this way... I don't want to be shallow or anything but I also want to feel that physical attraction to him. If anyone has any advice, I'm open.. I know that I need to focus more on who he is, and I am trying to do that. If anyone would pray that I would see the beauty in him as a person and that would help me be more physically attracted to him, I'd appreciate it.
@whooareu4 жыл бұрын
I think you need to end it. If you guys are boyfriend and girlfriend that means you’ve spent enough time with him. You gave him a chance, and you’re still not physically attracted to him. Don’t keep leading him on in hopes that one day you’ll maybe find him sightly. It’s not fair to him or to you. Edit: He can love his personality, but that doesn’t mean he’s the one God has for you.
@Emily-oi4sm4 жыл бұрын
TAHNK YOU EMILY!!! Prayers for a healthy pregnancy!
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Thanks Emily :)
@aramintawilliams52054 жыл бұрын
I’ve always wondered who the man I will marry will physically look like, but there are some people who aren’t attracted to someone and end up loving them because of how they treat them.
@BethThereseReacts4 жыл бұрын
Love this Emily!! I had a friend in high school who wasn't at all attracted to this guy that liked her, but she gave him a chance. They ended up dating for years, and she was super physically attracted to him after she got to know him.
@Mrschristinehubert4 жыл бұрын
The Lord does have a sense of humor. A year ago I wrote a list of physical attributes I want in a man...well the guy I think God is calling me to is none of the things on the list. 😂 I didn’t fall for this guy because of his physical features . I fell for him because of his heart for God and for people. When someone shows me their pure GOOD godly heart the attraction follows. I’m not saying he is absolutely not attractive at all and man it’s taking a lot in me to try and look past how un-attracted am..that’s not it at all. It’s simply that he wasn’t the type I was looking for, but God has an extremely good sense of humor and the man who was “blocking my view” from finding my cookie-cutter man was actually the man God wants in my life. Don’t narrow your view to what you think you want because likely God has something 10x better that looks nothing like what you wanted but what you truly needed.
@mariaammann4 жыл бұрын
Preach it! I would definitely agree in your advice. It happened to me: I first fell for my boyfirends heart and all the beauty it showed and then he turned out to be the most attractive guy in the whole world to me
@glitterbug3054 жыл бұрын
Emily you are like the older sister I never had!! I fully accepted Jesus into my life at the start of my freshman year of college (August 2019). Im almost 20 and God has been putting marriage on my heart and I’ve been trying to prepare the best I can in my season of singleness! You are seriously so helpful in guiding me through all the questions I have!
@xTwinVipersx4 жыл бұрын
Hi Emily! I am not attracted to guys who are fat/chubby/overweight. Its not only a healthy hazard to not take care of yourself, but its a complete turn off to me. And its also a standard i have that i dont want to lower or else i would be lying to myself. I feel saying yes to a guy like this when i am not attracted to him would be leading him on. In that sense i would be pretending the entire time to him that i was attracted which wouldn’t be fair to me or him. I feel like pretending and leading him on would be far crueler than just accepting the truth that you arent attracted to him because hes overweight. Thoughts?
@colleenlongua97524 жыл бұрын
Looks really won't get you very far in a relationship. I've met a lot of really attractive guys that were far from boyfriend material. If a relationship is part of God's plan, the attraction will come. Great video ❣️
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Very true! Thank you for your input!
@julainem.35424 жыл бұрын
Thank you Emily! I started dating my boyfriend about three months ago, and since I’ve known him for about 3-4 years before that. A year ago I wasn’t physically attracted to him but as I got to know him more I was attracted to his kindness and thoughtfulness to me and to others. His outward appearance became more attractive as I got to know his inward appearance.
@stutterstudios47314 жыл бұрын
I like the suggestion about potentially just becoming friends naturally and see what happens. Whatever leads to holiness/fulfillment is the end goal 🙏🏼💵💯
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
That last sentence is on point!
@amydassi44294 жыл бұрын
You are such a sweet woman, you always approach these topics with so much empathy and kindness :)
@lisab.64864 жыл бұрын
Thank you Emily, there's SO much wisdom in your words. I'm not married yet but I can confirm: When I first met my boyfriend, I wasn't physically attracted to him at all. I just thought "oh he's a very nice guy, but absolutely not my type". That didn't change for the first few dates and I was even thinking about ending our dating. We talked about it and decided to take it slowly, get to know each other without pressure and just see what we end up with and what is God's plan for us. And I'm so glad to have had this time to really get to know the man inside him, his motives and his passion for Jesus and all of his character. And somehow along with that attraction, the physical attraction arose, and know I'm crazy about him..😉🤗
@sabrinaeiterer19214 жыл бұрын
The timing of this video is insane! Thank you Jesus ❤️
@Ivy-up7hx4 жыл бұрын
As always, perfect timing for this video in my season of life!
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
I am so glad! Thank you for telling me!
@melanieridge14244 жыл бұрын
Emily, I agree with everything you said in this video. I just wanted to add a reminder to anyone who needs it: Just because a guy is not conventionally attractive, that does not necessarily mean he's a good person. I've known many non-good-looking guys who were just plain awful people. You might think they'd realize their personality is the only thing they have left to work with, but that's not always the case, lol.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Definitely a puppies and bunnies situation :)
@taratravels62354 жыл бұрын
AMEN! 🙏 I’ve been watching your videos for a couple years and you have helped revive my Catholic faith as a high school senior/incoming college student. Thank you!!! God bless 💕
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Makes me so happy to hear. Thank you Tara!!!!
@margiehalpern45734 жыл бұрын
Exactly so. I met my husband at work, collaborating on a work matter. Sparks? No siree. Not a one. We were coworkers first, then friends, then.....the sparks came. And now, many, many years later, my hair is gray and his hair is mostly gone. We have lost three of our parents, my husband's best friend, and one of my best friends. We have seen each other through surgeries and injuries. And now we are getting through quarantine together. When I was young I thought I wanted a tall-dark-and-handsome type who'd read poetry to me (as I said...I was young). Somewhere along the line, I figured out what mattered.
@sanperl95294 жыл бұрын
important topic! many people don’t get it because of the influence of the unrealistic beauty ideals in films and instagram🥴🥺
@sarahjanehawkins58704 жыл бұрын
I always was attracted to tall slim guys. I am now dating a good hearted man who is 5'5 and husky looking. When I was considering dating him I wasn't even worried about his looks...more conscious about mine to be honest. But...The whole time during my deciding process I was considering none other than his morals, goals and heart. I now think he is really handsome even though in the beginning he just looked like a guy to me. They become attractive sometimes when you get to know them.
@nataliegill18384 жыл бұрын
I always love Emily's advice for time to time. I always watch her videos and it feels like she is talking to me and God is showing through her. Thank you Emily for your amazing advice and I'm excited for the new pregnancy!!!
@jewelbowers26074 жыл бұрын
Your videos make me so happy! Thanks, Emily! ❤️
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Thank YOU Jewel!
@keishacarlies51724 жыл бұрын
The only reason why people are single is not because they are shallow, there are many reasons. Plus some people need to love themselves and be alone to be loved.
@annav6084 жыл бұрын
This was a good reminder that I needed to hear. I'm going through some of those issues at the moment and physical attraction does help for me as well as good chemistry interaction but most importantly their heart and relationship with God. if I'm not attracted to them I usually don't give it the time because I feel really awkward and anxious where I tend not to look them in the eye if I don't see him that way. Do you have any advice regarding on how to handle this if constantly struggling with anxiety or lack of peace if it's not the one or if it possibly is if we were to give them a chance?
@gabrielv87674 жыл бұрын
I think if possible, the best way is to get to know each other as friends. I personally know it's quite hard to "stay open" when you just really don't feel anything psychically.
@victorialester16344 жыл бұрын
I don't think you should go on a date with them if you feel that way, just really get to know them as friends and if it changes there you go!
@hihi-dq3qq4 жыл бұрын
you deserve so much more clout!!!!
@tanyaortiz80534 жыл бұрын
I think attraction can develop a lot more in the context of frequent interaction but it's tricky if you are surfing online dating. If there's little or no attraction, I find it really difficult to keep conversations going as I'm not interacting with them in real life. This becomes more apparent if you're exploring LDR's.
@grayk74554 жыл бұрын
This is crazy that I'm seeing this now. Yesterday, the same day you posted this, I was sitting and thinking about the aspect of whether God would have us marry someone we aren't physically attracted to. Thanks for posting!
@raeleeeeeen4 жыл бұрын
So much truth! Thank you for being a big sister to so many of us!
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Absolutely!! So glad you're here :)
@trinabarcarola67964 жыл бұрын
Fabulousss Emily!! I have a feeling I will definitely run into this one day... and until then, gaining wisdom to share to friends and family is something I am so grateful for. All thanks to you! Praying that the holy spirit continues to speak to you & through you❤️❤️
@quesavolontesoitfete4 жыл бұрын
I was talking about this with a friend, literally 2 days ago Thank you for this video Emily 🙏🏼
@maddybrown23204 жыл бұрын
The only guys that like me are not physically attractive to me and the guys that I find physically attractive do not fee the same way that I do :(
@grayk74554 жыл бұрын
You're not alone. But we have to keep believing that God has the right guys for us out there somewhere.:)
@respectabletampodcast4 жыл бұрын
I love the points you make, but I really dislike this concept in Christendom that we must be with men we are not attracted to because they are amazing on the inside. Why can’t the God who promises to give us the desires of our heart, when we delight in him, find us someone who appeals to us visually, AND has good character? Are only men able to get women they are attracted to?
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Did you tune out during the disclaimers :) I said I am NOT saying you should marry a man you are not attracted to!! I am saying you should be OPEN to it growing!
@respectabletampodcast4 жыл бұрын
Emily Wilson Maybe I did. If the shoe was on the other foot, and someone had to work through their head to be with me, despite an initial un attraction, I would want them to move on. I don’t know. Maybe I need to watch more videos like this until things click.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
To note, I didn't say you have to work through your head to "be with" anyone. I said do not write a man off because of his looks, and be open to simply getting to know him, whether that's by saying yes to one date or to becoming friends. You are a deep thinker who is looking a few steps further than I am talking about :)
@LisaEvans-Web4 жыл бұрын
I don’t think God had any kind of judgement of who might be attractive or not to you. We are all made perfect in his image. Just be open to getting to know someone.
@laurabarker30974 жыл бұрын
This video is such a blessing, this is a topic that I've been wrestling with this week and your advice is such a comfort and a light - thank you Emily ♥
@lexchantel4 жыл бұрын
True. Real life tests your heart and mind, not your appearance. Great video!
@izro14364 жыл бұрын
Wow, thank you so much for this! 💗🙌🏼
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
You're so welcome!
@ellinooridashwood4 жыл бұрын
Thank you! I am a volunteer matchmaker for my community and this is something I try to get across. So useful!
@ashleymarie10674 жыл бұрын
It’s crazy the timing of this. My friend and I were just discussing this yesterday and I was still trying to articulate my feelings on it! You said everything I was trying to say and more! LOVE! I definitely struggle with height difference and I’m not even tall. Lol I know I’m not alone in that and I know when the one comes, I will be full in regardless of his height. Attraction is important but it is not always initial like you said. Love ❤️
@BlessedLifeLoveandFaith4 жыл бұрын
Loveee this!! My boyfriend is not a man of Faith (hopeful he will be someday), but having a beautiful heart is the truth. Emily always make these advices well said and brilliant for the younger generation in my opinion. I'll definitely share this for my 16th year old sister! Thank you Emily and sending hugs 💛💛💛 Have a Blessed week! :)
@notredamegirl0774 жыл бұрын
This was beautiful Emily!!!
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Thank you :)
@maddyanderson14504 жыл бұрын
Love this! I think what makes me attracted to a guy is his personality and how he treats me and others! Love that when life gives you lemons quote! 🙌
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Thanks Maddy :)
@mariamiller2784 жыл бұрын
YES MADDY!! 👏🏻
@MariaPullatt4 жыл бұрын
I was just talking to my aunt about this last night and she was telling me more or less the same things you've mentioned in this video. You're magic, Emily!
@paulahelene25134 жыл бұрын
If I had known this when I was younger, I think id be married by now lol...Thank you for sharing Emily!
@MRD924 жыл бұрын
I totally agree with you but I still struggle with this because (keeping it real) I want to want to have sex with my future hubs, ya know? But yea you aren’t wrong. This is important and I hope I can find someone I love and who loves me.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
And there's nothing wrong with that. My friends who weren't initially attracted and that attraction grew over time and they ended up getting married - they didn't want to have sex with the guy at first! That's for sure, they'd tell you straight up! But as that attraction to the inside, and then the outside grew, that desire for a sexual relationship came to be. As I said, this may happen, and it may not - and both are ok!
@monicamora41894 жыл бұрын
And maybe the opposite can happen. You can be really attracted to someone but his with horrible personality or just not on the same page. That attraction will fade.
@kyrieelizabeth15514 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your videos that always share beautiful truth! You encourage me so often as I seek to be a woman of virtue.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
I'm so glad! Thank you!
@loumellealicaya4 жыл бұрын
Just what I needed to hear. Thanks for this!♥️
@-Solange-4 жыл бұрын
I feel awful even when I think about someone as unattractive... and if I would go on a date with him, I would feel even more awful...
@cynellekhentannvasquez82194 жыл бұрын
Idk who suggested this but thank you and thank you Emily for talking about this. I'm really grateful that even as a mom, you are very open to talking about single girl struggles or in a relationship realities. God bless you and your family 💕
@LiztasticGames4 жыл бұрын
Another great video, thank you for covering this! Also your C4C talk “He’s Not Finished With You Yet” really spoke to my heart and I want to thank you for that as well.
@MindPalaceASMR4 жыл бұрын
I was talking to someone who said he was attracted to me, I wasn't very attracted to him but as we talked I realized that didn't matter to me because even if he was good looking or not his personality wasn't very attractive. I would say that a man's personality and attitude could be measured in gold. And I knew I was looking for a positive and optimistic soul
@meggyg80894 жыл бұрын
Plus looks fade... we all won't look young forever! So when the looks fade, all the other qualities of the person that we were attracted to will still be there.
@annaquitter72924 жыл бұрын
I’m waking into a new period of singleness. While God doesn’t have me ready right now to get back into dating, this video encouraged me to be open and looking at a man’s heart rather than his looks
@MaryScarpati4 жыл бұрын
I was just reflecting on this subject. I thought dating should be about “romance and attraction” but when I started my boyfriend looks wasn’t driving my attraction how he mad me feel around him attracted me to him. It totally revolutionized how I felt about dating. I wish I could have figured it out a long time ago.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
A great insight. Thanks for sharing, Mary :)
@MaryScarpati4 жыл бұрын
@@emwilss Thanks Emily! Great video as always.
@jesuschristbiblebiblestudy4 жыл бұрын
God loves you so utterly and completely that he has given himself for you in Jesus Christ his beloved Son, and has thereby pledged his very being as God for your salvation. In Jesus Christ God has actualised his unconditional love for you in your human nature in such a once for all way, that he cannot go back upon it without undoing the Incarnation and the Cross and thereby denying himself. Jesus Christ died for you precisely because you are sinful and utterly unworthy of him, and has thereby already made you his own before and apart from your ever believing in him. He has bound you to himself by his love in a way that he will never let you go, for even if you refuse him and damn yourself in hell his love will never cease. Therefore, repent and believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour. Amen
@sharielmerritt92984 жыл бұрын
This is so good!! I love the way you presented this. Some people get really argumentative with this subject. Like I've seen some people get kinda obsessed about looks and only focus on that and then I've seen other people say looks don't matter at all. I think if looks didn't matter then God wouldn't make physical attraction possible, so it is important and there should be a physical attraction there but ultimately if you're gonna spend your whole life with them, they're not gonna look the same and neither will you because we all get old! I think its good too to not be overly picky with looks. Like I'm a small girl so yes I usually like guys who are skinny but I'm not overly picky. Some people have told me to pray about looks when it comes to my future husband, and I know some people do and that's a matter of preference but I literally like every race and eye color and all that stuff so I leave those things to God 😂 But yes their spirituality and personality and the way they treat you and deal with people is so important!! I've seen average guys be more attractive based on who they are and I've seen guys who I consider super hot become unattractive to me. So in the end we really need Gods help with this so we don't get caught up on the wrong things and miss what he has for us!! Great video as always Emily!! God bless you! ❤❤❤
@HaleyMary4 жыл бұрын
For me, I find men attractive if they are men of faith who don't drink or smoke, who are confident and will stand up for people in tough situations. Unfortunately, most of the men who approach me are atheists and I'm not attracted to men who don't have the same spiritual values as me.
@LivAlexa324 жыл бұрын
For me I definitely think about what my husband will look like- like will he be a different race from me? Will he accept me for my race and culture and will his family? It definitely makes me nervous but also excited to find out
@ElizabethSantay4 жыл бұрын
This hit me. Straight from God ❤️
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
So glad it did :)
@allisonbarrett49384 жыл бұрын
So appreciate this video and have seen it play out the opposite way- someone that is attractive on the outside but the internal character or compatability isn’t there. I think sometimes we (male or female) will be more likely to overlook incompatibility or issues based on the external, or won’t get to know the inside of that person. And it’s important also to remember that none of us are solely external beings- whatever we look like God has made us as souls and our shell is very temporary.
@miraclemarange83074 жыл бұрын
The inside matters the most because some people are very proud of their looks and they do not give much in a relationship as the other person will be giving in because they feel they can get anyone they want..They know they look good and do not put effort in the relationship...they feel you are lucky to have them as you are not beautiful compared to them....this is the truth in as much as we would not want to hear this and think about it...The heart is what matters and character because some of these good looking people do not have respect for others
@madreburden4 жыл бұрын
Wow! This is amazing and so true!
@annagarnet12324 жыл бұрын
I love your videos Emily and I agree that physical attraction is not everything however I think that this is a personal opinion. For some people physical attraction may be really important and that is okay for that person to make that a priority when dating. I do think that their heart and who they are is far more important when determining a suitable partner but if looks are important to a person then that's okay too. I've dated men I was not physically attracted to and slowly we drifted away from each other because there wasn't that desire to keep seeing each other. I don't think those relationships failed based solely on physical compatibility but I think that it was a factor.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
Important to note that I never said it is not okay if this is important to someone :)
@annagarnet12324 жыл бұрын
Emily Wilson Thanks for your reply Emily. I agree. Physical attraction isn't everything and it's important to give guys a chance to find out who they really are. I just think that it's okay to want to be physically attracted to the man you're going to/ are dating. I don't think I would have wanted to date a man who didn't find me attractive! I agree that it is possible to grow in attraction for someone but it's also okay when that doesn't happen to end the relationship.
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
And I agree on all of your points :)
@annagarnet12324 жыл бұрын
Emily Wilson Thanks Emily :)
@rangerthompsonmusic4724 жыл бұрын
I think another important thing to remember is that good looks will eventually go away. We all get old and won’t look as good at 60 as we did at 20. If marriage is a lifelong commitment, why choose a spouse based on something that will not last? It’s still on my priority list, but it’s definitely a lot farther down on that list than it was five years ago!
@melissagunkle554 жыл бұрын
Totally needed this!!!! Thank you so much Emily! Holy Spirit’s timing is ON POINT🙌🏼🙌🏼
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
You're so welcome! Love to you, my sister!
@denekegouws74784 жыл бұрын
Thank you Emily that was really helpful and encouraging! (:
@embrown61954 жыл бұрын
I agree with everything you said 💯 But I still sometime think, why can't I have both! hahah
@emwilss4 жыл бұрын
This is not a one or the other situation. :) The friends I reference who were not attracted to their husbands at first, and that attraction grew over time, would tell you that they absolutely have both :)
@thatsfunny20514 жыл бұрын
It absolutely should be both. If it isn't, that's a really good recipe for resentment and extramarital affairs. We are whole beings. Body and soul, physical and spiritual.
@lilyhare93044 жыл бұрын
Yes!! I totally agree. Once you get to know them more & see their love for the Lord (oh & playing with kids YESSS) their attraction literally sky rockets it’s crazy!😂