John Gottman's Horsemen STONEWALLING (Relationship Advice)

[@TheNetworkGovernment]

Four levels of stonewalling, there can be also mixes of these 1) Talking only about the necessary and compulsory things, mostly in dry, emotionless and relatively short manner. 2) As a general rule reducing communication to a absolute minimum, giving sparingly and rarely answers like yes / no / good / bad / etc. Avoiding initiating conversations as much as this is possible, starting conservations only because of compelling reasons, and keeping them very short and emotionless. 3) Being totally silent, not answering questions, not initiating discussions, often ignoring the existence of the other as far as this is possible. 4) Largely or wholly disappearing, avoiding coming home as long and as often as possible. If at home, in many cases being totally silent and unresponsive, ignoring the existence of the other. / And of course, in all of these cases avoiding physical touch, closeness and contact.

[@LewisPsychology]

Thanks for sharing.

[@boywithbali3830]

@@LewisPsychology Wait what do you mean. Like I sometimes stone wall or well used to but I didn’t really understand what it was. I only did it bc I felt like something that was I guess idk wrong was said in I guess a hurtful way. It’s not that I mean to hurt them I just feel like I’d get emotional or somthing and then I overthink. Im not narcissistic I just don’t know what to say when something I might think is hurtful. I love them so much 😞.

[@LewisPsychology]

Don’t worry, it certainly doesn’t mean you are narcissistic. It sounds like you have alot of insight. Best wishes, Teresa.

[@ruthbarnes9999]

​@boywithbali3 wow it was extremely rude and judgemental of this person to judge you so quickly and give you the label she gave you. She can't be a trained professional or she wouldn't have done that. It was very rude and hurtful she did that and lm very sorry she did that to you. Unfortunately these days people use the label of narcissist on anyone that says something they don't like or doesn't align with there thinking. It's possible the speaker was triggered and thus hit back with her judgement.

[@DxnnyLy]

I've been trying to stop my sister from stonewalling. It is incredibly difficult and toxic.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Not my partner, but my MOTHER> After nearly 3 years of stonewalling me she finally agreed to talk to me last may. She came over to my house and DENIED having given me the silent treatment. Told me it was just my perception that she was giving me the silent treatment. Wow. I exploded, nearly 3 years of this hell and she denied it. She stormed off of course. I later figured out that she believes that she is protecting herself from my repeated attempts to talk. She feels so entitled to do this. She sets the terms and conditions of our relationship and these are that her narrative prevails. oh. my. God.

[@TO-st4jn]

Great video, thank you!

[@ize33]

Great video, though I ask can removing yourself from an argument still be considered stonewalling even after employing the strategey of stoping for 20-30mins doesnt work and you decide to disengage since talking is not resolving anything?

[@LewisPsychology]

It really depends how this is done and your intention. Best wishes, Teresa.