QUIRKY Saab No-Crank - Part 1 (9-3 V6 Turbo)

Oooh it's a Saab V6 Turbo Stick-shift! FUN TIMES....if it starts!
Owner says that this Quirky Saab refuses to crank over unless you know the "magic formula".
Let's duplicate the customer complaint and figure out what is causing this bizarre symptom.
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Enjoy!
Ivan