PLEASE, perceive me.

today we are getting a bit vulnerable!!! we're talking perception, we're talking attraction, AND we're talking about my complex relationship with masculinity.. oh, how fun.
lots of love,
dustin
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
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sub count: 463k

[@dustinvuong]

you all are such kind and intelligent people i swear i’m gushing w sm emotions reading ur comments. thank you for sharing all your perspectives and personal experiences! i’m so happy this video was able to resonate and bring comfort to you guys! genuinely going to keep all of the advice y’all have given me in mind!

[@tatihla]

I think I want a bunch of you in the form of a group of friends so I can deal with my emotions and my thoughts easily because we have the same brain bro and the same problems as well I don't think we should consider them as problems, but as beliefs we should change them to become free. Have good day 15:46

[@olivergreen2812]

OMG WE’RE THE SAME BRO 💀 I perceive you as a very gentle, thoughtful and kind man. The right girl will come to you eventually so just stay patient, put yourself out there and keep working on yourself. Would you date yourself? 🤭 Love your cute muscle btw 💪

[@crabidraws]

Its really funny because I watch your videos and you feel like the coolest most charming person ever. Like i dont mean to be weird but you have my dream body type and like you give me gender envy-, like also your personality literally inspires me sm idek, i just think you're really cool

[@youhavesproutsforeyespossi6616]

You gotta start telling youself your hot and sexy as a silly lil joke. But then, it'll feel true and you will feel hot too.

[@AutumnTAYLOR-vb7zv]

You are special no matter what people say or think or act you need to stop caring about them and love you your friends should make you feel self confidence and if they do that then they are good friends

[@yarizelnava]

this is so relatable. comparing yourself to your friends experience seeing them getting attention in a romantic sense is so real 😞

[@brainzzpark]

me rn lol

[@dreamingofthemoon]

Mee

[@madisonwyatt6435]

Gonna start a support group for all of us who feel like a “friend”

[@alvaroroberto2879]

Pls

[@qlwrk]

lmao for real tho :((( WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN TO BE LOVED HAHAHA

[@mimi-yl5bu]

literally. i’ve always felt like this lol

[@franfrankie7]

im in

[@pokeyo1528]

yes we need it

[@biankazen4040]

I guarantee u 100%, ppl are also following you because you are in touch with your feminine side:) being pretty imo is as important and big a compliment as being handsome. Society's standards of putting masculinity above feminity is rooted in sexism and not fitting with the gendered stereotypes doesn't mean you aren't masculine or less hot then the gymbros of tiktoks for exemple (i personnally do not like that type of masculinity as society has a habit of making it quite toxic and i'm pretty sure i'm far from the only one!). Also, related to your friends saying you don't see u in a relationship, that doesn't define you! You set the exemple of what you want to be perceived as and the people that matter will see thru to the real u:) In other words, you are the only one with the power to define yourself and acting with confidence and principle is the only way you can have control of that narrative! People are gonna be influenced by society and that is not something you can change, walking in a room putting the energy you want out there is much more important! (Sorry for the typos i'm french:))

[@dustinvuong]

yk what u are so right!! thank you!!

[@budini2444]

same. I simply connect with dustin so much, and being honest, I don't care whether a KZbinr is exemplifying their feminine side, masculine side, whatever. Dustin's ability to express his thoughts and ideas, the boldness when being vulnerable, even just the aesthetics is what makes me love this channel. Please don't feel pressured to do anything/change anything because of what society (or TikTok) tells you. Grow for yourself :)

[@abdierguadalupe]

^this right here

[@myriamtouil3347]

EXACTLY

[@abdierguadalupe]

I noticed you talked a lot about wanting to be perceived as attractive but you never touch on what type of people you’d like to attract. Personally, I’ve noticed that every time I act or come off as masculine I end up attracting the wrong people who at the end of the day won’t stick around for who you really are. I hope that’s helpful :)

[@ryeofoatmeal]

oooo this is interesting 😮 never had this thought

[@soupiedog23]

oooh yaa

[@junekafaltiya4514]

That's a nice point now I am really thinking about it

[@greyfox4838]

I kind of get the feeling that he's more concerned about being loved than about loving someone, which I can relate with. IMO this is short sighted, because while it might feel good to be perceived as attractive by random people, at the end of the day being able to attract the specific people that are gonna vibe with you is more fulfilling in the long term. But yeah, I also agree with Dustin in that being generally perceived as attractive is way better in terms of pretty privilege than being niche attractive, which I think he is, at least in the hyper masculine west.

[@abdierguadalupe]

@@greyfox4838 I agree, unfortunately having pretty privilege gives you a step forward in almost every aspect of life. I also think we can both see eye to eye on the fact that finding people who you’re going to vibe with is ultimately gonna be more fulfilling than being seen as attractive by random people

[@lona234]

I know people have probably said this many times before but I genuinely perceive Dustin like the main character of an indie film about the struggles and beauty of growing up.

[@waris2005]

people perceive you how you perceive yourself. it’s almost like a sick game. you only hear what you think about yourself when others compliment or criticize you. the comments that stick are the ones you hear yourself say or think and solidify how you see yourself at that point in time. this is why no matter how beautiful, successful, or lucky you seem to be none of that means anything unless you believe it. no one can tell you or show you your worth, only you can.

[@user02406]

there is a term for this! its called the “looking glass theory” by charles cooley and i studied about it in my sociology class. cool to see something i learned relating to dustins vid

[@waris2005]

@@user02406 omg that’s so cool to hear!! I’m actually planning on studying sociology in university, I’m so excited now. Thanks for teaching me something new, I wanna learn all about this theory now.

[@user02406]

@@waris2005 omg hiii i am a sociology major too

[@ItsHannaLuna]

wow

[@LocalLibraryRat]

So, for the longest time I wondered why I don't get approached as much as my friends and Dustin described why so perfectly. Thank you for finally talking about something I'm sure so many people feel.

[@shellfish6078]

IT IS SO TRUE THAT being a shorter person gives you less power entering a room. SO many people disrespect and dismiss you when you are shorter. I've seen how patients and strangers instantly respect taller individuals. Us shorties really have to be strong cuz it's so tiresome

[@rottensockz]

super relatable, except i am in the opposite boat (masc woman). i dress pretty masculine and express it in my body language a lot. i've been told i come off as confident, loud, etc.- however this ends up being perceived as others as unapproachable because i am still, at the end of the day, a woman, and 5'3. dressing femininely makes me very uncomfortable, especially because of the unwanted attention it warrants from men. dressing masculinely makes me feel confident and happy. i guess all I'm trying to say is dress however makes you happy and fvck everybody else! and don't be afraid to approach people, even if it is slightly awkward at first. coming out of your "shell" is SO hard at first but you just have to push yourself. best of luck

[@soupiedog23]

ughh yes i relate so much to loving to dress masculine especially bc i don’t want to sexualize me. but i also sometimes feel weird around men when i’m wearing masculine clothing because i feel like they’re judging me.

[@kk65275]

I relate to this so fiercely on the other end of the spectrum as a woman the same age as you who enjoys masculine things but wants the attention and appeal that being a feminine woman brings. If you’re reading this I just want to say that if there’s anything I’ve learned, being comfortable and secure in my femininity helps and even makes me more confident (and in fact feel more feminine) when I wear masculine things. For you I would think that would look like finding the masculine things you feel the all around upmost confidence in and learning the right kind of balance of femininity that you feel wouldn’t compromise it at all. Also simply finding comfort and security in your masculinity would in a way also allow you to not care so much about how people perceive it and that unbotheredness and security is what makes someone look so attractive and captivating too. That head turning presence is found in energy as much as (and maybe even more than) appearance

[@dustinvuong]

i 100% agree

[@xmanarx2614]

I really love your comment. I am the same as you, and I do believe the reason that I didn’t feel insecure about not being feminine enough is that I have confidence in my femininity, and even tho I am not the popular cute type I do have my different feminine charm.

[@kk65275]

@@xmanarx2614 awwwwwwww I freaking love that for you. I swear that’s the secret. Yes it may not be popular but that different kind of feminine charm you got is untouchable and so much more powerful

[@JM-vo8sd]

I also feel the bit about wanting to walk into a room and be perceived as powerful / more authoritative, and knowing that’s something that comes with height and more rugged masculinity - something I’ll never have is extremely relatable, and I’m a women. Even the most beautiful women that have achieved all of the feminine beauty standards will never have the clout and presence and perceived competence of the masculine guy. He looks like he’s in charge and alluring, the height of femininity can often be perceived as “she’s hot and I want to fuck her”, ie an object

[@shellfish6078]

I love and appreciate how open and honest this video is. This feels like a really safe place to acknowledge this kind of feeling. I struggle with these similar experiences, and the part where you said you feel like you get pity complimented hit me. I've been saying that to myself for years, I've always felt I was pity complimented

[@franfrankie7]

me too!

[@XxheartaholicxX]

I'm also constantly thinking about finding love/romance and it gets to the point where it's so annoying to me and also heart-wrenching so I can def relate! I also don't feel like I can see myself in a relationship. I've never had anything serious before and will be turning 25 next month. It's hard sometimes, especially with family constantly bringing it up, but I try to focus on the positives of it too! Thank you for being so vulnerable with us Dustin! You're videos are ALWAYS so comforting to watch and listen to

[@qlwrk]

this is so relatable, i'm also turning 25 this year and i have never had anything serious... this hookup culture sucks. it now makes me afraid of even falling in love because of being led on so many times in the past ◠̈ sad face

[@alessa8942]

i actually related to the whole video… I don’t know if my personality makes everyone perceive me like the “friend”, I want to be perceived like they are perceived but I don’t want to change my whole personality to do that, I don’t know what I am doing wrong

[@jitterbugg2]

me too :/

[@sethdelafuente2224]

I tried to explain the being called cute and pretty as compliments to my friends and no one understood what I meant when I said it’s just not what I want to hear 😅 Glad it’s not just me.

[@alexis8173]

The feel like a friend part really hit. People always ask me when i'm going to get a boyfriend and i'm just like men don't really like me like that. lol I don't know how ppl even get into relationships atp, it's like i'm missing something. It doesn't bother me too much bc I know the "right" person will come along and I see the situationships from those with more romantic opportunities.

[@haleysnote]

When you were talking about how you feel you're perceived as the "friend" I really felt that. It reminded me back when I was in 8th grade I had this Best Friend and we were that glued to the hip duo. Apparently we looked a lot alike and strangers, school peers, everyone would ask us if we were sisters. I felt pride in that...until she started getting hit on and asked out on a regular basis. People would come up to me, talk to me a bit...only for Her contact information (which I never gave out w/o her consent) never for mine... I started to feel like I wasn't attractive, or that I wasn't meant to date/love. Highschool really hit home when all my friends started dating and wasn't. I never could seem to relate to someone admitting their crush on me, or my crush liking me back, etc. It can be haunting and It still follows me, even after I dated here and there now that I'm in my early 20's...I just never feel good enough...And its hard to heal those echos of the past.

[@sarahdunlap6409]

Some thoughts from another angle- I inhabit a body that is deemed fairly attractive by society’s standards and for a long time I presented in a way that was pretty feminine. I did get a lot of attention from men (I identified as straight at the time) and felt good about being perceived as attractive. However I came to realize that often that was the thing that they valued *most* about me and a lot of the men around me made it clear that they saw me above all as an object of sexual desire and not as a friend or even a whole person, and that can honestly feel really devastating. There is so much more that is valuable about you than being perceived as “hot”, but it is really difficult to escape those feelings when so much of society’s messaging tells us that’s what is most important, most valuable about people. I would so much rather be known as funny, smart, kind, a good friend, etc etc than as someone who is hot. I believe long lasting attraction grows out of real connection, not the initial across the room tiktok hottie surface feelings. If you are authentic to yourself you’re going to attract people who do see all the wonderful parts of you who can appreciate and love you fully. It takes time and is scary but I absolutely believe it’s in the cards for you

[@itsprettydarkout]

dude.. this was so fcking relatable. personally, as a bi woman, i love dressing more masc because of how it makes me feel more confident like you touched on (and i feel as though it's kind of a signal that im interested in women lmao), but then i also get stuck on wanting to feel attractive, and dressing masc feels like it's not the kind of style to turn heads, yk?

[@tess_7173]

these comments are so sweet and genuine & a 1000% true.Constantly trying to fit into a certain perception is draining and you’ll end up attracting people into ur life who probably won’t last. Reminding myself this everyday is slowly making me embrace the fact that i’m constantly changing and i can’t imagine a world where i’m not:)

[@rafia2918]

the "i wanna be white phase" OMFGGGGGG literally me.. looking at my younger selves old pinterest boards like that bro i hated being a poc 😭

[@dustinvuong]

dark times truly

[@serenacd123]

i hope this reads as note from an blunt but well-meaning friend: im not a guy so i can't fully relate to your internal struggles with masculinity but i will say that i see a lotttt of hot (yes, hot) feminine/androgynous guys online (IG, tiktok) who get a lot of clout for their appearance and style content because--guess what-- lots of people find it attractive! as a 20 y/o bi girl i can definitely say that i am way more attracted to androgynous and fem guys (my own bf whos also bi is on the shorter side and isnt hypermasc at all) than super masc guys, so its worth considering whether the types of people you want to attract romantically actually value "masculinity" as much as you seem to think they do. like instead of thinking about how you think you should look based on widespread beauty standards to be attractive to some hypothetical person, thinking about who you actually want to attract and who you can/do attract (because you definitely do, people are just shy) with your authentic gender presentation. if someone isnt attracted to you when youre presenting in a way that makes you happy and inspired, why would you want to be with them in the first place? also have u ever considered that you honestly do look pretty masculine. being put together, artistic, and in touch with your feelings does not cancel out your masculine energy at all. i 100% promise there are a million cool people out there who arent really into hypermasc guys but are dying for a thoughtful attractive guy who dresses well like u w (saying that in the least weird way possible i just hang around a lot of other bi ppl lol) anyway hope this comment wasnt too parasocial-relationship-y, just wishing the best to a nice person online in a similar stage of life as me :)

[@dustinvuong]

YK WHAT UR SO RIGHT all y’all are so smart omg

[@korentaylor8508]

happy to perceive u after my morning serving shift :* and i perceive u as a very warm, safe, and funny!! i’ve watched ur vids for so long and ur one of the youtubers i constantly watch :3 (this is me shooting my shot)

[@dustinvuong]

this is so kind omg ima cry 🥹🫶🏻 ty

[@madisonwyatt6435]

DUSTIN YOU ARE ALWAYS POSTING VIDEOS THAT REFLECT EXACTLY HOW IM FEELING IRL,,, thank you for being vulnerable and so honest in this video🥹🥹 I love your recent content and I hope you’re happy irl too,, much love!!

[@kaylasweet9363]

DUSTIN YOU ARE HOOOOTTT AF!!! I definitely get the whole idea of wanting others to perceive you the way you want to be perceive. I get the whole “the way you perceive yourself is all that matters” but at the same time it’s hard to do that when everyone views you as the average friend. 100% relate.

[@emelyperalta7130]

i don't typically comment on videos but this is such a relatable feeling i'm sure everyone can relate to at least a bit. perception is something that i've struggled with since forever if i'm honest, especially being a person who identifies as no particular gender and isn't white. but the way you spoke about attraction and perception really got me thinking, why do we all want that validation so badly, to be chased and pursued and cared for etc, and i'm sure so many other people are asking themselves the same thing. so kudos to you for consistently being so vulnerable and opening up those conversations about things that we all experience, but never speak on.

[@ivy5554]

Gosh a lot of what you said was hard to hear, because it's just not how I personally perceive you at all. I would never assume that I know you as well as your friends, and I dont want to invalidate your feelings because everything you said is totally valid. My impression of you was always that you are a gorgeous human being; you have striking facial features and can lean both feminine AND masculine, you have an amazing vibe and energy and are probably one of the most openly self-aware individuals I've watched. You really embrace your age and don't shy away from experiencing what each year has to offer, and learning from it. You've also looked great in all the various hairstyles you've had over the years and you aren't afraid to express yourself through style and fashion. These are all things that make me continue to come back and watch your videos. I saw it another comment but I really think its true; who you attract is more important than how many. But I can understand why you want to have that effect on people and feel that way, and it's not wrong. You are 100% lovable and attractive, and if your friends say they can't visualize you with anyone I think it's just because they're too close to the picture to see the rest of the frame. I cant imagine what they're going to look like, but there is definitely someone meant for you out there who is attracted to your innate and natural qualities and sees you the way the rest of us of us do. ❤

[@eusteria]

I feel like a lot of people MYSELF INCLUDED, just because we don't look like what we think is beautiful we think we're not beautiful and that's a lie! You don't have to look like that 6ft hot tiktok gymboy with curly hair or that one Madison beer looking girl before you acknowledge your own beauty. I also feel A LOT like you especially with the whole love being on my mind thing constantly, even when I made a new years resolution video saying I WON'T BE ACTIVELY looking for it😭 anyways Something I tell myself concerning the whole attractiveness thing is When you look at a sunset and your favourite flower, you think both things are beautiful BUT they look nothing alike, you need to remember that.

[@dustinvuong]

beautiful metaphor i will try to keep that in mind!

[@justicedhearts9471]

10:20 I also believe that being called pretty instead of hot has to do with having a childish appearance. Many people my age who are considered hot look grown to me. I look like a child compared to them. Even when I was called hot by someone for the first time, I took as a joke because I don't have the face and style of a typical "hot" person.

[@krazykris4957]

capitalism wants to convince you to isolate yourself. we’re meant to be in community. youre not crazy or not “independent enough”! i so get it.

[@Fatimaurl]

I relate to the part for being perceived as a friend so much!!but its definitely because I have made myself just be the person who makes everyone laugh and make jokes etc and be a person you can have an honest conversation with rather than someone you will ever have a crush on

[@YokoFujioka]

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS TO ME. IN MY OWN HOUSE. I'M JUST SITTING HERE???? jhvjhg ❤

[@ashleyw973]

Finally, I am one of the first to perceive Dustin Edit: Also I just wanna say that you are not alone in feeling this way! I'm also short and young looking, and though I think that is valued in girls in society, it often can get mixed up in mysoginisitc things where people (particularly old men and frat type guys), assume I am incapable of things. I can't lie and say that hasn't shaped a bit of how I carry myself, that I don't project my capability and independence because of it. I just wish those physical things didn't influence people's perception of me. I think it's natural to be frustrated by that.

[@in.themeantime.]

i was just feeling so lonely and then this dropped and it’s 15 MINUTES. :)

[@anezkafialova3234]

oh i can relate so much and i love that you talk about this. i realized that i surround myself with people that are basically the opposite. so no one around me gets this feeling of beeing always percieved as a friend and feeling forgettable and not desirable. it's good to know i am not alone in it:)

[@colbykamilah]

Yes!! When I was in my early 20’s. I looked so young. People would say date older men, but older men thought I was a child 😂. I feel you, no one really wants to look 25 when they’re 40 😂

[@emirakolthoff9650]

I love this conversation no one really talks about this sort of thing and I'm proud you have btw I love your videos your such a vibe

[@Abhishekxsahu]

I find this whole video so relatable !!!

[@budini2444]

"I'm my own comfort KZbinr" that's what I was looking for baby

[@samasami654]

Dustin’s talk videos >>>

[@kjsunshine8587]

you have no idea how you just organized my thoughts this how I FEEELLLL and you explained it way better that I could EVER

[@carmenauhuber8203]

it's crazy how even you struggle with how you're being perceived, even though you are one of the most memorable and attractive people I've "met" (parasocially). I genuinely think you are one of the most attractive men I know, especially because of your mix of feminine and masculine attributes! I don't want this to sound like a forced compliment, I am just surprised that you do not see yourself the way I see you. It makes me feel understood and less alone to know that you are also struggling with how others see you. It's weird that most of the time, I don't really want to control how others perceive me, I just want to perceive myself in a positive way and be proud of who I am. Peace is very hard to find in times like this, but I really really want to be at peace with myself. Maybe peace is if I accept that I dislike parts of myself? I love people even if I dislike things about them, right? And there is so so SO much room for everything in our identity. There is no aesthetic I fit into, no label, no perception that will ever grasp who I really am. There is the possibility to change, but it's not necessary for me to change in order to be happy. Maybe peace is knowing that no one will ever fully understand who you are, not even yourself. That it's all made up: the concept of identity, perception, our "ideal" self. It's just a way to make things easier, because our brains can't comprehend the complexity of our experiences. Maybe we are all of our versions of self, all at the same time, the best and the worst/the most and least desired version. It's crazy that we wish to be desirable, just because we think that being desired will make us experience love. Stupid lil humans, thinking love comes from the outside when it's literally an emotion. Like inside of our stupid lil brains. Anyway, thanks for the vid, I loved it, as always very insightful!! Thank you so much for your work! Have a wonderful day everyone

[@Tmr_tt]

I was surprised you felt that way. The vision I have of you is very good. And since I started watching your videos I've always thought about how: "he is extremely attractive!" "hey i wish i was like this" "i like his style" I don't think we'll ever be completely happy with ourselves in terms of attraction. But know that, in truth, you are very attractive and have a wonderful vibe. And your style is beautiful! it's great! just because you're not "very masculine" doesn't mean you're any less attractive than someone else. Your every way is unique.❤

[@braachiosaurus]

I am the first individual to have perceived you

[@braachiosaurus]

I was wrong.

[@kelseyshethey7985]

This has been I’ve been relating to so hard recently. After coming to terms with being a nonbinary lesbian I still sometimes start feeling the urge to judge myself for not being “conventionally attractive” or presenting my femininity in the correct way even though those types of standards were created by people I wouldn’t even want to be with or care about. I feel so behind from everyone else because I’ve been called cute and pretty but never hot or attractive. I’m trying to just let myself exist naturally instead of forcing traits in uncomfortable ways. One thing I can say is that to me living for yourself and being authentic is the most attractive thing anyone can do, so I hope we all can get to a point where being ourselves is even more than enough

[@Fatimaurl]

Dustin posting gotta be my favourite thing ever

[@yasminnn8]

3:39 I felt that. Edit: I feel the same way about dressing up as you do but in the opposite way because I'm a girl/woman who really likes men's fashion because I like how it looks and I feel comfortable dressing up in that way. But I want to look and feel pretty/beautiful too (which is difficult/uncomfortable for me to do even though I really want to sometimes). Also, I like/don't mind videos that are a little 'negative' like this because it's comforting to know that other people have these thoughts as well (as long as we're not all wallowing in it lol). Sometimes it's really hard to talk about stuff like this with friends/people in real life and the way you talk about it is very straightforward and conversational so I don't feel down at all when you talk about stuff like this on your channel/in your videos. Feels like a safe space yk

[@yinssleepydiaries380]

Wow dustin I’ve actually been really struggling with this lately, so when I heard you talking about this I literally thought it was the universe that brought us together or something lol. As an asian myself I also always struggle with being perceived as ‘attractive’ and I even always get told how I’m more of a ‘friend’ than a ‘lover’ like ajdidjnejdjd that is really mf frustrating i get you. Also I’ve genuinely always thought you were a hot and attractive person! I was literally thinking before you said anything about being perceived as hot ‘Dustin is so hot’! My perception might not matter that much but just know that I def think that way😂 anywaysss have a nice day❤

[@redditmemems4105]

i relate to every patr of this he is literally hot and i feel like people dont even think t consider me as being hot because im asian in a white country

[@a_sweet_p]

5:27 "cool, charming, likable, positive" i dont mean to be that person but you sound like you're literally describing yourself. like,,,,,, you already seem (from what i can tell) like all of those things combined plus i would add: fashionable, relatable, emotionally intelligent, handsome, hardworking, creatively multi-faceted, and overall inspiring

[@ray7suns]

Why did Dustin crawl into my head and tell the internet everything I'm thinking??? This has been what I've been going back and forth with recently and it's exhausting because it's so true but people want to pretend it's not.

[@te_dulce]

DUSTIN ive been watching your videos since you were barely a high school senior and this video made me wanna give you such a tight hug 😭 esp when you talked about how you felt like a “friend” when you want to be attractive in a different way - can I just say that watching your videos over the past 3 or so years I’ve genuinely seen you grow and mature so much and you’ve turned into SUCH an inspiring beautiful and handsome man !! it was shocking to hear you say that you see people your age and you wanna be like them because *that’s exactly how I feel when I see you* (younger than you by a few years Btw 🚶) but anyways thank you for sharing and know that your fanbase will always love you and you’re a source of comfort and fashion inspiration to so many 🫶

[@dustinvuong]

THANK U FOR SUPPORTING AND STICKING AROUND

[@crescentflower444]

wow the part about dealing w loneliness by loving yourself & doing things alone really stuck w me bc same! it’s not cutting it anymore and i wanna interact w ppl 😭 thank you, this was truly comforting!

[@faithling8044]

ik this sounds easier said than done but when you love and accept yourself then you wont worry about how others perceive you :( go easy on yourself dustin!! its ok if some ppl dont like you/dont think you’re “that guy” bc to the ones that do youre dustin and thats enough and thats more than enough :) besides you have 400k+ people who think you’re cool and thats great proof

[@anoosha.u7511]

It's kinda uncanny that I'm going through something v similar to this, it's all about combating the feeling that ur not the main character of even ur own life and seeing the people around u enjoy life to the fullest and have all these experiences whilst u live ur life through them. It does leave u with the feeling as if there's something missing in u that other people have. I haven't really found the answer either, but I do think ur an extremely romantic, intuitive guy. You probably deserve to be in a healthy, loving relationship more than many other people.

[@saumya9173]

me: dustin you're my comfort person dustin: me too................ narcissism HILARIOUS

[@amaya2938]

Whenever I'm going through something, Dustin posts a video talking about exactly what I'm feeling and it's honestly so comforting to have someone else put those feelings into words

[@paigemc2107]

I get this. I enjoy hearing you talk about your feelings about perception--both negative and positive points of view-- because it somewhat gives me permission to analyze and explore how I perceive myself and others. Not everyone is willing to be so vulnerable about these things, and it's nice to find someone who tackles it head-on. I enjoyed this video. 💚

[@jsts8056]

I appreciate the tidbit about being along SO MUCH because I have felt so alone for most of my life, and as an adult have done everything alone for YEARS and I'm still not used to it or happy being alone ALL THE TIME and I appreciate someone just saying it like, hey. We need social interaction and love as humans, within and outside of ourselves.

[@dustinvuong]

yes !! i get a bit tired of this specific self-help trope. it’s okay to want / need to have ppl around you in ur life

[@livwithviv.]

5:41 okay. i stopped this video at that time to say… you are already THAT. everything you want people to perceive you as … you are embodying that. & if people say otherwise, it’s just a reflection of their inner world and their own insecurities. but dustin, you are THAT. 💚

[@ryanahmed1921]

Everything said I relate to on another level bro, it’s insane

[@kala4668]

i love your chatty videos because i relate so much to you and its so nice knowing that others experience the same thing! i am 22 and never really had a dating history. when i was in middle school, all of my friends has a bf and i never have one (till now) and they also said the same thing "i cant imagine if you had a bf" and it got me thinking "am i that not capable of loving and to be loved?", and about the independence thingy, OMG I AGREE SOMUCH! like when everyone starts talking about independency and "you must be used to being alone and its okay to feel lonely sometimes" I DID. I EXPERIENCED ENOUGH. i used to be so proud of how independent i am but now i just realized i never want to be alone, and never meant to be. the condition just FORCED me to do everything alone and be okay with it. why would you eat alone by yourself when you can go out with your friends and talk and laugh??? i also agree on being the "friend" part OH MY GODDD. i got friendzoned so many times and it got me thinking, "is it because im the funny friendly friend? is it because im not attractive enough to be liked? why is this person wants to be close enough with me as a friend but not as a lover? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MEEE?" and sometimes when i look at a really pretty girl the voice in my head automatically whisper, "if you were this pretty, he might like you." and its insane because i know that isnt right. i love myself and i know im pretty but sometimes i cant help to not overthink about these things :( enough with the rant, i also wanted to say that your feelings r valid! and i just know your future lover is the luckiest person ever because youre such a sweet & caring person 💗

[@thinkingyas4245]

I think you' seem like a multi-faceted, interesting, kind person who is doing AMAZING in life and I see many good attributes in you from just having watched a few videos. You seem to be very true to yourself and honestly that is the most attractive thing

[@nidhisoni9860]

I only recently started watching your videos, Dustin and I perceive you as artistic, creative, introspective, self aware and fun!! You care so deeply about your friends and you make such lovely cozy vids, so you obviously care very much about your work, and I think all of that counts towards something!! Its very valid to wanna be perceived a certain way and want the perks that society reminds us will come with that, but at the end of the day, i don't think you should have to change any part of yourself to earn something, whether it be attention or love or privilege, i feel like as long as you're trying your best and getting as much enjoyment out of life as you can, that makes as much of a difference as anything else!

[@ffaabb_]

Dustin... it's like you got into my brain, wrote down my thoughts and read the paper in front of a camera. This to say, you're not alone!!! This stuff is complicated to explain but you managed!!! Lots of love and support from Italy

[@omgitsrayh]

this whole video is so relatable! i've never felt so seen in my life, i think this is so common for people who love love

[@siennakennedy5678]

I swear you read my mind! lately I've felt the exact same way and I go to your videos for comfort and the fact that you posted this and basically vocalised all my inner thoughts makes me feel a sense of comfort. It's hard always feeling like you are not good enough and then trick yourself into feeling insecure and picking at every single "flaw" you have. You aren't alone and I now know I'm not either

[@Shirl33n]

This is such an interesting conversation and I definitely relate. One of the things that help me is reminding myself that I am so much more than my body or outward appearance, like there is something about me that is attractive in a meaningful way that goes beyond myself. It’s something that others can see, but that is blind to myself. And often people give causal compliments like “you’re pretty” becuase it is more comfortable, there have been many times I’ve found someone attractive and I didn’t say anything at all out of fear of awkwardness. There is just so much underlying that people do see and admire, but don’t say out loud.

[@billblack4926]

You are loved and you are attractive and you were right it’s how you view yourself that counts! It’s also a journey which most people a majority of people are facing. Thank you for being vulnerable and relatable.

[@raqueeel.04]

i´ve been feeling this exact way for SO long, and I hadn't been able to put this into words. thank you so much for being this transparent with us and talking about this kinda vulnerable feeling, this video really helps me see that i´m not alone

[@dreamingsliv]

dustin, besides from you being a gorgeous human, i perceive you as a romantic. i feel like you carry yourself like you have your life put together. i watch your videos as an escape and i feel like you give main character energy in your own little world.

[@taetae5749]

I perceive you as genuine, attractive, logical, and funny.

[@palakjain406]

There is a reason I feel so much connected to you. When you were talking about wanting control over your own body I could relate to every word of yours. It's so hard to explain to people that I don't mind drinking but I know when to stop because I have this irrational fear of losing control. I draw my line because although my mind might be my biggest enemy at times but I can't and won't abandon it.

[@ninjakiwigames5418]

He is really talking about himself like the first thought when I saw my first video of his wasn't "Damn, he's hot". And I really doubt I'm the only one.

[@adriwalker1786]

you are who i want to be when i grow up. your videos and the way you choose to live your life have always been a source of inspiration and comfort for me. you remind me of neutral tones and Phoebe Brigers/soft 70s sounds and film cameras and plants and rings made out of spoons. also, you are worthy and deserving of love and i know that you will make a wonderful partner to your special someone someday, its easy to tell how kind and how thoughtful you are with your loved ones in your life through the cute things you do with your sister and friends. hang tight! you've got this dustin

[@dennielelevencione6489]

ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I LOVE U AND I DO REALLY RELATE ON HOW IMPORTANT PEOPLE PERCIEVE ME ON HOW I DRESS AND HOW I LOOK, THAT MADE ME THINK IF IM WORHTY OF SOMEONES LOVE OR AM I REALLY IDEAL TO BE SOMEONES BOYFRIEND OR SUCH SINCE IM NOT MASCULINE ENOUGH! AND I HATE HOW FEMININE GUYS ARE BEING CANCELLED AND BEING NEGLECTED THIS DAYS LIKE WTF!!! BUT THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL INSPIRED TO DO SOMETHING AND TO CONTINUE WHATEVER I AM DOING IN LIFE!!

[@reymelody7416]

Dustin: "I don't want to look like I'm 25 when I'm 40" Me (28, being told that I look like 15): "same"

[@Hanyyy_548]

Dustin I love the way that you show your own self to us and I think that you are so likable and pretty just the way you are !! I love your videos because they give me comfort , the way you love your feminine side is so good and it shows that you are really good person and the way people look doesn’t matter and we love you for just the way you are !!🫶🏻

[@Jennifer-cx4wq]

I completely understand what you mean when you say that people look at your friends first when you walk into places. I have pretty friends, and I love them so much. But because they're pretty- they don't realize my perspective when we go to clubs. I'm the "ugly" friend that others approach first to get to my pretty friends, and it feels so icky. How do I perceive you? You're pretty- and I don't mean that in a friendly way. When I make that compliment for guys specifically, I mean that you aren't just handsome (which you are) but you're also pretty which most guys can't accomplish. When I see you- I feel like you're gentle and soft with the way you live life- and that's not a bad thing. You aren't "sexy in a rugged kind of way" like other guys- but you're your own type of attractive. You're beautiful in ways that others aren't. You need to romanticize your beauty, and find a way to be comfortable being the person you are. That's the only way you'll find someone truly meant for you. You'll find them when you love yourself enough to be aggressively yourself in every aspect of life. You're comforting, you're soft, you remind me of honey chamomile tea after a rough day. You're a soft blue sky with big fluffy clouds. I don't know you Dustin, but you're perceived through soft kind eyes by us.

[@dustinvuong]

this comment made me so emo ur too kind tysm 😭🫶🏻

[@s.macedo7026]

I RELATED TO EVERY SENTENCE THAT JUST CAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH 😭 Ig it makes sense since I'm also a short and more feminine man, and also I'm human lol

[@aminazaman1089]

Ive actually been thinking about this a lot these days and then ur vid popped up. I have had a hard time putting it in words so i cudnt really discuss it with anyone but seeing ur vid helped a lot. Also dustin u are so fine

[@angelinashannon377]

Self aware to a fault, but I look at you and see youre attractive- and mature enough to recognize the whole picture and ask questions to comprehend what’s happening around you. It’s the first time for me seeing one of your videos but I like how open you are, it’s a way for me to connect and I struggle doing that in my own life.

[@bearflipper]

I've definitely gone through feeling like the "friend" or just cute, but never hot or a baddie. Even now I catch myself feeling that jealousy with my friends because they are hot and are approached with romantic opportunities while I am not. I've somewhat made peace that I will never be the standard hot girl and that I'm just pretty, but I do still get frustrated being called cute or getting friendly compliments. My best friend can't even see me in a relationship and I know she doesn't necessarily mean it in a bad sense, but it still puts a little dent in my self-esteem. Putting my rervations about dating aside, I want to feel like I have access to love in that I am able to be attractive enough to be dated. There's my little rant but thank you for opening up! Glad I'm not the only one who has mixed feelings towards not looking our age as well 😅

[@peytoncedillo]

the first video i saw of yours was the “how i edit my videos” one, i really only clicked on it because i thought that you were someone who had a similar feel or style as me. instantly when i watched i found comfort in u bc i thought of u as this openly creative and comfortable and vulnerable person who i could relate to. after watching more of ur videos i realize we think alike and sort of have the same worries or think abt the same topics. i am also too the “friend” of my friends.

[@zokiis5122]

I think you said it best at the end, I think it’s just a journey of accepting yourself and who you are! I personally believe I see you as an incredibly honest person and I always really appreciate your videos where you chat and share your vulnerability. I’d say the reason why I mainly enjoy your videos is because you bring yourself as you are. No filter. And I absolutely love that about you. As someone who is afraid to show who I am, I really admire this trait. Because being honest and open, opens up to the chance of being wrong/making mistakes. Yet you still bring out the you. This is a core value of mine for all my friendships and relationships

[@yyona3379]

Gosh I really love hearing my thoughts and similar experiences I've been through being spoken out loud. This whole video felt like I was reading my diary! And because I'm going through the same stuff all I can say is that we need keep talking about it

[@hr5347]

I feel like the friend thing is done by your own self. As someone that relates exactly to what youre talking about ive always had the worry of people not seeing me in an "other " way but ive always made it my mission to be the same friendly close girl that will listen to u talk about something,will give u the benefit of the dought, wont do things with u cause u had something with one of my old friends cousin from middle school, like i actually care. My eternal worry of not being loyal and disappointing people or even worse being untrustworthy made me get persevered as the friend cause i was always there for people that i didnt even care about, so nuturally i started actually being that person which made my sexual life scary amd also made me think that anyone can be a friend,even the people im attracted to. Realising it now being 19 its kinda worse amd better at the same time cause i love people trusting me almost immediately because of me always being the good friend but i feel like im crossing boundaries if i frirt with people i already met which is literally fucking stupid. In a general note cause i also struggle with not looking feminine enough, opposite to u, i think it has to do with your sense of self , once i got comfortable with being me i stopped doubting my feminity, even if i have a low voice or broad shoulders or the height,im me, u just have to be sure of yourself in order to feel attractive in anything.

[@madrgkate4643]

I have gone through eating disorders and throughout my life I have felt very insecure about my body, what I have learned is that you are more than your body, we are complex, multifaceted and there are many amazing things about humans that go beyond how you look, how much you weigh, how you dress. Dustin you are worth more than all these things, others may consider you beautiful now, but as soon as fashion or beuty standards change, that opinion they had of you will change too, as soon as you age or grow up their perception of you will also change, even the perception of beauty will change according to their region, origin and living conditions, the truth is that we can never like everyone. beauty is fleeting, it is liquid like water, you hold it for a few moments in your hands until it slips through your fingers and your hand remains empty, beauty is unstable, it is changeable,it is ephemeral, it transforms over and over again and spending your life trying to catch the unattainable will leave you very exhausted. Do not reduce yourself to just a body, just an image, you are a person and you are more than just that.

[@jaysauer834]

I can and can’t relate to a lot of what you said and that’s what I love about your videos. I think self-image is everything when it comes to how you’re perceived and approached. You should definitely refresh your vision board and focus on the things that make you feel confident and the energy you want to exude. You’re such a special person that you’ll find someone one day but it will be when your presenting fully as yourself with confidence. You don’t need to be more masculine, you’re already an amazing man. I love being on this journey of self reflection and discovery with you. Thanks for making such honest and insightful videos!

[@froggystrap1232]

The whole discussion about masculinity, femininity and attractiveness can be tied to race too! Since asian men have historically been treated as non-threatening, non-sexual and feminine it can reflect your experience. POC in general under white supremacy are not allowed to have a large spectrum of looks or vibes so having a moodboard of random white guys is highly relatable! It took me some time to find people that look like me and fit the vision i had for myself, maybe you can be that person! Be the role model people look out for, Be the pin people save and put as wallpaper on their phones.

[@froggystrap1232]

Also on a side note you look super buff! Looking forward the “how to look hot this summer” video with your abs for thumbnail lol

[@axelsgone]

As someone who’s also a less masculine presenting male, I definitely feel like there’s a part of me that always has to think about how I’m being perceived and whether it’s the way I want to be perceived, especially in terms of gender presentation and also sexuality to some extent.

[@mant8vaei314]

And even with the whole “I can’t see you with anyone” ugh !!! I would always get that to the point where there was a rumour that I was in a relationship and people rejected the rumour !! Literally when do people ever reject a rumour 😭

[@chachadjong]

I relate painfully much to being perceived as a friend, always being called cute, pretty and kind. I've been in a relationship for over six years and though my partner does call me so much more, that's still what I am to everyone else. Being in a relationship really enhances this even more, because people feel bad for calling me hot, etc, because it would come off as flirting. I love my partner beyond words, but it still feels nice to be found attractive by more than one person out of 7 billion, y'know. As for you, Dustin - I find what your friends have told you for so weird. I keep forgetting you're single, I see you as the type of person who's always in a relationship. I see you as so care-giving that it only makes sense to me that there's someone you're constantly putting that energy into. With such attention to detail, I see you as a perfect partner in any relationship. This care and attention to detail obviously shows in your appearance as well and is very attractive. You have a very independent but caring vibe and I'm honestly surprised by the state of your DMs. But I'm entirely sure once you start perceiving yourself as more than just the friend, they'll start flooding!

[@delynngary8588]

This is COMPLETELY how I’ve been feeling lately.

[@mathilde9016]

That was actually so appreciable to hear someone talking about others' perceptions so openly ! Wish I could do that with my friends too ^^

[@maktaehyung7645]

the way your videos always find me at the right time,, i feel like my thoughts are being articulated to me right now it's crazy

[@solomiiashpyh726]

i can strongly relate to all of this,but one thing is that it’s all bout taste.personally,i find you attractive not only cause your look but for comfort u giving,you r funny,have incredible sense of style,thoughts and aesthetic.all this stuff are making u attractive.you give a feeling like person that wanna be with.but even if i didn’t knew you from videos and saw photos in the first time or in person i would still think of you like an attractive man

[@amypetersen3666]

oh my god the fashionable vs attractive thing is so true

[@mariansauer5614]

i feel like you would be the person that you spend the whole day doing nothing but you enjoy it so much and that is exactly what most people want in a relationship including me so i can so see you in a relationship but the part getting into one can be harder for people like that

[@mayo1843]

“naturally i have such a filter on i think i don’t really like i am. i work really hard to be who i am so i always try to put my best self forward, to try to be the attributes i want and to kind of manifest it”. i didn’t even realize i was doing this you explained it so well

[@user-zy7nc7np6c]

Honestly, I feel like the masculine thing is very context dependent. I’ve lived in Europe my whole life and compared to most twenty-something year olds in places like Amsterdam and Berlin, you look very masculine and just like a very trendy guy. I mean just look at Eurovision, many of the most attractive male artists there also wear glitter and make-up and aren’t all muscles and length.