The INFJ and Seduction

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[@RensRoom]

Links to purchase my book on the INFJ are provided in the description box. Thank you for your support ♥

[@Verichmond]

I think we are great at dating, but we are so picky in finding a perfect match, we don't really date a lot. We date when we're sure.

[@bennyhinn7239]

wow your sexy

[@johnrobert2572]

@@bennyhinn7239 That's why she thinks "we" are good @ dating.

[@Angel-nk4jm]

This is true I am now 36 and only dated 2 guys last one lasted for 11 years and ended with a door slam for him being a narcissist.

[@zoemedina7984]

Eeeee33e3eeeeeeeeeee3ee3e3eeeeeee3eeee3eeeee3eeeeeeeeeee

[@Books_Makeup]

Agreed. I am great on a dates because I ask questions and know how to calm the environment down. However, long term.. I can be picky due to the fact that I watch for toxicity. Ni or Fe picks up on that. Not sure which one it is but I know.

[@lorenmark]

Everything you're saying is true. The problem for INFJs, and myself, is after you've dated a trillion people... you don't want to "have" to make it work. We are so, so good at figuring out who we need to be to make it work. We want someone who it actually works with and we are ourselves with... this is very rare. Ultimately this is the goal... to be happy as ourselves with someone who is also themselves.

[@lorenmark]

To follow up on that point, I believe INFJs crave authentic interaction. This can really only be done when both parties are being authentic themselves.

[@dessys600]

😭

[@basmaksaibati5996]

I think that INFJs are great for intimacy and know when and where to start and stop flirting they understand boundaries, however I think they struggle with the afterward awkwardness once the date is over and the next step.

[@RensRoom]

You're right about that... I think Ni-Ti can lead an INFJ to perceive possible obstacles as well and that might make them struggle with what you aptly called the "afterward awkwardness" :) However, with a bit of experience, I think that can be mitigated for somewhat.

[@David98004]

Yeah that's the hard part for me like not knowing where things are going like how to pickup where I left off smh. I need a manual for these types of ordeals lmao.

[@majasrbia]

If weirdness counts as a seduction, then, omg I'm an expert 😅😅😁

[@RensRoom]

Same, haha!

[@wyrdtarot]

Me too 😂

[@visualsbyE]

This is so true! I am an INFP and I was completely entranced and literally lost all my logic by an INFJ. You guys are the most seductive type for sure.

[@dr.hebagadallahclinicalpha9871]

People mistake my Fe expression of warmth and empathy for being flirtatious and in love. The mysterious INFJness is fascinating as well. I have been told that I am amazing, but I need to tune my thinking and my passion for my cause down a little bit. Because this is crazy. But the rest of my original interaction is captivating. I think this is true for all INFJs. People have crushes on us very often.

[@David98004]

I can totally relate to being crushed on by young and older women....there's alot of responsibility that comes with being an INFJ!

[@grisvolonte]

When INFJs are relaxed, we are better at flirting. Our natural FE bleeds through and it’s very charming I would like to think haha. We are able to mirror the other person, but understand boundaries at the same time. But like you said, we are quite shy. Great video! Thank you for your insight

[@David98004]

I resignate with you on Love Kunis on the fact that we can be very charming when the FE bleeds into our conversations lmao. My problem is I sometimes come out of the FE and go back to my Introversion where I immediately use my Judgement to analyze myself as well as the person I'm talking too and the situation. But I'm learning how to cancel the judgement and continue carrying the conversation with Feeling and Intuition. It's tough but I'm coaching myself since I'm just now figuring out the pros and cons of an INFJ.

[@monpetitchouxpastry]

The last man whose attention I caught definitely fell for my kinda left-field charm haha. I really appreciated that. Also it’s funny you mentioned how an INFP might find flirting horrifying. My INFP cousin is self-proclaimed as a failure of a flirt/terrible with guys. She can’t seem to know how a guy truly feels about her or doesn’t know when to make a move. But as an INFJ, even though I’m pretty reserved and shy, if I like someone and I know they like me too, I’m suddenly super gutsy! Maybe it’s the combination of Ni and Fe that gives me that gut feeling and ability to pick up on signs that show they’re attracted to me. I believe INFJs with a good amount of confidence are fantastic and very successful at dating and attracting those they wish to attract. For any type, honestly, confidence is key in dating anyways!

[@David98004]

Yeah it's almost like we have a 6th sense or something

[@nancyc5922]

The best thing about having the mentality of INFJ is knowing exactly what one wants, bad thing, we give what is wanted but yet its not in the way they expected :)

[@RensRoom]

Haha, that's a good way of putting it! xD

[@Coneman3]

The trouble is dating is about playing a game. INFJ tend to show their hand too soon. We also are naturally shy in approaching.

[@calebyoung8805]

Show their hand too soon is exactly right.

[@silentgrove7670]

"Dating is a game" .... no wonder relationships fail

[@zsssolt152]

When INFJs try to "play" INFJ: "Hi there, what a nice ring." Girl: "Thank you... actually it is..." *Her husband starts to breath heavily next to her*

[@MsClaudiaDuran]

INFJ: "How about some relationship advice?" 🤷‍♀️

[@ShadowQuik]

Its somewhat unfortunate that certain types have an upper hand at forming romantic relationships. We want to believe that every type has an equal opportunity for their cognition to be appreciated and found attractive, but many types are forced to reach into lower cognitive functions in order to give the right impression. For example, I am sure a large proportion of females would see an ENFJ or ESTP as a sort of archetypical representation of a desirable man. While it is true that every type is found attractive by a certain subset of people, there is still this leading idea that the extroverted charming persona is the “go-to”. But in the end, each type is “designed” for effectiveness in a particular set of “domains” in the world, and weaker in another set of domains. That is why I believe the types who are cognitively compatible with domains ESSENTIAL to the human experience have an upper hand in having a fulfilling life. These essential domains include: relationships & social interactions, one’s career, and other domains that one would consider to be essential to survival. While certain types, such as say ESFJ, are not by nature built to be philosophical and think about complex systems of thoughts, they hit the bases that lead to a fulfilling life - notably by their dutifulness, groundedness and sociability. Yeah, they may be insecure about their Ti, but Ti seems to be much less of a “crucial” function to have in terms of necessity. The INxx types tend to have the lowest degree of interfacing with “crucial” domains of the human experience, and feel most comfortable engaging in the metaphysical, which makes it quite difficult for them to find a place of fulfillment and for them to “hit the essential bases” of life. The INxx types are probably the most brilliant and insightful people, but they have so many difficulties and existential crises in life due to the sort of incompatibility between their natural cognition and the cognition that is expected by society.

[@RensRoom]

I agree with you. ESTP in particular seems exceptionally successful. Well, INFJs have Fe, so with a bit of effort they can do great things ;)

[@johnrobert2572]

@@RensRoom infj are the opposite of ESTP. During my crazy grip experience year, I acted and forced to be the most social, obnoxious and to appear confident. It worked amazingly, AMAZINGLY. I got more women in 1 year estp grip, than the whole rest of my life. But I also got extremely damaged, to a medical level. Wouldn't advice it, but basically, INFJ men are pretty fucked. Also, it is logically not so sound man, to change the definition of things and then say that we fit your new definition of let's say "masculinity". "There are women who are interested in weired men", sure....but not the majority. So good luck. Not against you my fellow INFJ, but saying that the sun is green, doesn't make it green. Love to you man.

[@cristina7317]

Brad Pitt is an ISFP though ;)

[@David98004]

@@johnrobert2572 Yeah we truly are blessed and cursed smh....I need to to find me a women that's into reading 📚 or something

[@kokomico1]

Hi there, An Infj here, quick question: do you guys find yourself with the mentality of all or nothing when it comes to daiting? For example, you are chatting with someone from on online dating platform, you seem to have a connection and set a date to meet up in real life, but the person doesn't follow up and stops communicating. I find this a complete turn off and block the said individual. I feel as though if you aren't in it completely, then don't waste my time. let me know.

[@RensRoom]

I agree that a flaky person is usually not worth one's time. That being said, try to make sure not to unwittingly put pressure on a person who may need some time getting used to the idea of serious dating. People are all different ;-)

[@infernal..]

@@RensRoom ah true

[@jessicaa.6690]

I appreciate you explaining the extroverted feeling & what it is like. We do kind of have an advantage in that area when combined with introverted intuition. Thanks for your videos!

[@jodiwest1382]

I Probably Could Never Do A Video On Dating😂Enjoyed Going To Clubs B4 DJ Occasionally Love The Music Although Don't Know How To Dance Well~So I Stand Next To The Speaker Converse Some With Ppl Enjoy Socializing Once I Ger There Lately Been Hanging Out Here & Healing Emotionally I Guess~Hope U Have A Beautiful Night & Thank U For Sharing Ur Video Ren Appreciate U😁

[@EllaChinois]

I appreciate romanticism but I am not a romantic person. Dating is never my interest. Guys I just met were willing to open up to me and share secrets. It weirded me out. Now I understand INFJ personality does have the seduction gift whether we want it or not.

[@MsClaudiaDuran]

If you're watching the video, he doesn't get to the topic until 3:27.

[@Redridininyohood]

Thank you-ISTP 😊

[@lucylulusuperguru3487]

I'm "sexy" like Bridget Jones...awkward (painfully so), outspoken (yet often accidentally tactless), HILARIOUS (we love to crack a helluva joke often at our own expense) unfailingly confident yet at the exact same time fragile af...but get us alone AND be real with us...we turn Jessica Rabbit and not only make love to your body but your dang soul and probably a few past lives too.

[@SophiiLuca]

I may be seductive, but when others flirt, as I'm an asexual too, I can not for the life of me see it. People always tell me "Ooooh they flirted so much with you!" and I'm like "They did?" haha. People describe me as flirty, even though I don't notice it or do it on purpose.

[@Coneman3]

As an INFJ I find the hardest thing about dating is getting the confidence to approach a woman and then thinking of things to say. I invariably seem to do the wrong thing. I don't understand flirting at all. I just want to seal the deal.

[@olafzalm]

Yeah, I suck at that as well. I took some flirting courses and tried the "methods" taught there but it resulted in dates with girls that I had no real connection with. And using methods didn't feel right. It wasn't right for me. I assume being bullied by girls in my youth didn't help out with the confidence either. Haven't had a date in 14 years....I sort of gave up on that. Many female friends though. Just no attraction and no dating involved.

[@13nisrine]

Salut Ren ! Je suis une infj Marocaine et je viens de tomber sur tes vidéos. Ton anglais est parfait. J'ai un peu de mal à croire que t'es français quand tu parles lol. Merci beaucoup pour ces vidéos. Elles sont super intéressantes.You just got a new subscriber.

[@RensRoom]

Salut Nisrine ! Merci pour ton commentaire et ton compliment sur mon anglais ;-) J'ai vécu en Irlande pendant 7 ans, et j'ai étudié l'anglais à la fac aussi, ce qui explique sans doute pourquoi je maîtrise assez bien cette langue. Tu es la première personne INFJ à commenter en français sur ma chaîne, ça fait plaisir. Au plaisir de t'y retrouver alors !

[@13nisrine]

@@RensRoom ❤

[@Nesterou]

Ha ben mince, j'ai absolument pas capté la moindre trace d'accent français. Des français anglophones te suivent oui oui, après tout c'est toujours en anglais qu'il y a le + d'infos. ~ une INTP

[@Magama567]

If I try to flirt I’ll fail but I tend to find myself flirting really nicely when I’m not conscious of it

[@daniellemason4951]

It's weird it's like you're walking sex on a stick! . I've had to run out of a store cause I'm being approached by over 6 different guys it was too overwhelming, I had to get out of there. I felt embarrassed. A guy almost got out of a moving car to open a door , I was less than 2 ft. Away from. I could go on and on bizzar things. People just lock in on me like they've seen something they never thought they could. Really, really weird stuff. It's just tough to deal with sometimes.

[@emmacarey2949]

This is a great video...I agree. We have what we need to make it happen. I think establishing the intention and allowing yourself the right to have an input into the law of attraction as such. I felt past relationships happened to me as such... and where lessons had to be learned. So my romantic life going forward will have more of my creation and manifestation from the start. What's interesting is that as an infj we are quite content solo aswel but we do know deep down the purpose and call of the heart is for union.

[@RensRoom]

I see I might have helped you find this older vid ;) Glad you enjoyed it! Yes, solo is fine but it can get a little lonely at times.

[@emmacarey2949]

@@RensRoom yes it can be lonely but it was eye opening for me when I realised how alone I was in my last two relationships.so it made me observe that while although opposites can attract, they are not apt to sustain...I'm my experience. Infjs are needles haystacks...I don't think we stand a chance with more typical types unless they are the best versions of themselves.why don't the infj do casual dating and lots of it like the other types? What are the real reasons! Maybe that would make a good video Ren:)

[@christinemccoy4471]

@@emmacarey2949 Because most people bore the crap out of me

[@Coneman3]

I think Fe can come across as being desperate or weak in dating. I suspect Fe people seem more cool which usually helps in dating, even if it means a more selfish person. INFJ are definitely interesting to the right people (no STs except maybe ISTP lol). I think our eyes are interesting due to Ni.

[@realkemiadeyemo]

Okay. I can relate with making a cohesive statement at a stretch of about 2 mins or more towards the end of the video. 😊

[@byronjuarez5244]

Hahahaha same

[@aprilparker7151]

Love that you clarified, even though before, I wouldn't have thought it needed clarification, but seeing this video I am glad you did. I know that I am lighting up your notifications with comments but I can't stop myself, I love all these videos! I simply need to talk about it lol. I agree with the fact that INFJ potential is great when it comes to dating, I just wish that I would have known about my INFJness before so I could have had more confidence in selecting a partner. Before, I was just blindly feeling about in a world I so desperately wanted to have a part of (intimacy in general, not just romantic) but now, if I were to become single again, I think that I would be much more selective and would look with purpose, and not out of desperation. So I have a question about Fe. I think you have mentioned to me before (or someone, at least) that my Fe is very strong. As in, too strong at times. How would someone like me with all the nervous energy (nervous talker+Ni= likely disaster bc I end up saying everything I shouldn't say or wouldn't say if I wasn't so nervous) tone down their Fe so as to not blab everything at once?I want to socialize more but I hold back for this very reason. I just hate awkward silence, and I end up hating myself at times because I divulge way too much and can easily overwhelm people with my Fe. People say I am too intense. I mean, I love my Fe but I want to be able to control it more. Does this make sense? I feel like I am not really explaining it right, but maybe if you have some insight, you could possibly do a video or something for Ni dominant people with too strong Fe? Or do you think that is even my case? I don't know, just could use some insight, and I love yours. :)

[@RensRoom]

Hi April, I don't think it's possible to have "too strong Fe" for an INFJ, as it's always healthy to be strong on Fe! But I'll think about your post and get back to you if I develop some insights on it :)

[@christinel4569]

April Parker I had this issue in the past too. What helped me is firstly being aware it's happening in the moment. And bring all those feelings back into the center of your body. Breathe slowly. And understand patience is key in this. Since our strong function is "Ni" use it to read those you are trying to communicate with first. Let them go first essentially and let a little go in bits and pieces. Or think of it like a tennis match, volleying the ball. Basically, use whatever method or learn a tool to hone in anxious energy and thoughts.

[@eliza1350]

I realized I don't flirt anymore. Simply interested in psychology of people. I do ask to see their jewelry since its my passion/job

[@MsSimixx]

I'm an INFJ and i'm a terrible dater :D just putting that out there.

[@RensRoom]

Hi Sim, do you think this comes from being very introverted?

[@MsSimixx]

World of Philosophy Probably yes :) in theory I'm "good with people" and "communicating" but really it depends on the type of interaction. I've got the whole listening counselling interaction down lol but sharing myself and information about me is a different story. Far too in my head for that haha and those thoughts do not seem to manifest well verbally.

[@DemonixGamer]

It's strange because I'm a flirt but I'm terrible at dating and with women in general. My friends are always trying to get me to meet someone because they can't believe I've never dated, but it's very difficult for me. Half of it is my fault, though - I feel more attracted to my inner world and longterm projects than I am actually pursuing someone. Additionally, past experiences when I was less mature have left me jaded and cynical. Interestingly, my INFP best friend has difficulty as well, but he, unlike me, has actually managed to date several times. 😂

[@genesisjimenez5481]

I have been on what I thought were terrible dates but somehow they still want to give it another try lol leaving me feeling so confused lol its like no bad date is a bad date

[@jodiwest1382]

Kinda Shy Sometimes Yet If I'm A Cashier Called Cheeky

[@compactinfinity]

As a male i can say i have much charm yet i never do the approaching but when approached i kill it. I may wven lead in a bit by having like suttle flirts but in my non approach it makes. Me lack on the luck factor yes but if i do get a bit then it's all fun. But usually its just a probe anyways and if a girl does suttle hints back its hard becsuse we dont want to come off anywhere and neither do i wanna go for it, because evem though it seems 95 pct like shes interested if i happen to be wrong it would be horrible.

[@jodiwest1382]

I Stink @ All That😂

[@wyrdtarot]

We are like a closed pot of steamy private freakishness. If you work out how to take the lid off, we'll blow your brains and you'll be in love before you even know what's happened. But we don't like infatuationed or clingy... so that doesn't tend to happen much 😂

[@gerbenhoutman9348]

When I went to University; I, as an INFJ, had a wonderful dating life. I was out every night, the women all liked me. I was straight up honest with them all regarding my dating habits. Dating as many women as possible in order to find a mate. "Quality through quantity". So, there I was dating 3 women at a time, I don't know why they put up with it. Stayed in good relations with all of them, many times I would date the friends of one who went by the wayside. Yes, an INFJ can be a real ladies man. I don't know if any women are going to read this, but if any do, I'm curious. Why did all those women put up with me? I'm not particularly tall or overly good looking. I was poor as a student can be. I dunno.

[@Marilyn2401]

I think they were in the same page as you. Dating as many men as posible until they find a mate. That seems to be why they put up with it and why y'all ended it in good terms. Idk tho, just basing my opinion in your comment.

[@Julia-ey4zd]

It's rare for a man to be so sensitive, the world is dominated by thinker men, so women feel very understood in your presence. Also that dreamy Ni is very magnetic

[@Brumbasse22]

You're not giving a lot of detail about these women. BUt the way you refer to them "why did all those women put up with me?" - it sounds like they were willing to accept breadcrumbs/had low self esteem. Another thing though... Dating does not mean exclusivity. I wouldn't consider it my place to talk with a guy about whether or not he's dating other women (that seems like insecurity) - it's fair if he is. Same way it's fair if I'm seeing others --- up until the point where we decide to enter an exclusive, commited relationship with one another. So I'm not worrying about whether a guy is seeing other women - I'm just working on myself, living the life I love and being the kind of woman he'd be a fool to risk losing :)

[@gerbenhoutman9348]

@@Brumbasse22 When I was with them, I always gave them my full attention. I'm an INFJ and quite intelligent, so my focus was razor sharp and I learned who they were quickly. They would not have felt like they were getting breadcrumbs. When my friends, or even some of the women asked, I told them I was looking for quality through quantity, so maybe it was their high self esteem that kept us together. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Remember, I was going out every night so, I'd see each woman at least twice a week, including Sunday, one each weekend. The most notable thing that I remember was finding it a little difficult getting started. It took around 6 months to start dating one regularly, then a short time, in weeks, a second. The third was immediate, and as one would drop off there was always number four waiting in the wings. If you want my advice, I would recommend looking for a man with bright eyes who is not currently dating. Say there's a table full of guys and one comes over to chat you up, you or one of your girlfriends. Look back at his table and ask for the name of his bright friend. Don't bother with the guy who approached you, he has more women than he knows what to do with. ;) If any of the women I was dating had asked for an exclusive relationship, I'd have agreed to it, but as it was I wasn't motivated. I loved them all, just each during the time I had with her. I may have said this before, but I believe that a man is much more attractive if he is interested but unavailable. Proximity has a lot to do with it of course.

[@gerbenhoutman9348]

@@Brumbasse22 I can give you more detailed information, but nothing that would personally identify them if you wish. It will take quite a bit of writing to do a sampling.

[@oreo3557]

Ni with Fe should in theory make you good with women.

[@RensRoom]

I agree. Are you NiFe yourself?

[@jodiwest1382]

Yep😂 Never Read That Book

[@sandiebaker1291]

I think your ears are glowing 😉 again, well done Ren! ♡ psst, are all frenchies rare? If so, I'm going to have to visit there ♡ 😛 jk

[@RensRoom]

Haha, thank you Sandie! ♥ Do come visit soon, I'll introduce you to the rare frenchies :} ;)

[@sandiebaker1291]

I'll put in my plan. 😉

[@RensRoom]

Yay! :D

[@kimberliebyington5245]

you need some blinds