PODCAST: CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS AND RELATIONSHIPS | South African YouTube Couple

[@reformedyeah92]

As a young man i shed a tear as i watch and listen because what you discussing i have experienced first hand. My childhood trauma as a gent is violence. Growing up as a young man almost every mistake or problem was solved with punishment like Belt, slapping, punching, kicking, physical harm all in the name of manhood. I accepted this as the natural order of things and became violent myself. I did not believe in discussions. It was all about right and wrong. This affected me because i found it very difficult to engage in heated positive discussions, accept constructive criticism, accept mistakes, to love, forgive without violence(punishment), be anti-revenge, be civilised, be emotional(this is seen as a weakness) or talk about my feelings. I kept everything inside and almost became a stereotype when it comes to conduct. I know better now and i am on a journey of healing. Thankyou for the enlightenment.

[@laviniawanjiru9738]

What happened in my parent's marriage was very traumatizing for me, and I got into my first relationship and the same incident happen to me. When I say I am so traumatized, it's like double trauma for me. Now I feel anxiety when somebody tries to talk about love and relationships. I feel like I have lost my inner child and my adult self. As I turn 23 in October, I will gift myself a therapy session and take it from there. I hope I heal because I look in the mirror and can't recognize myself. God bless you guys for such an insightful installment.

[@rawaygooookooobi6986]

Remember God gives hardest test to his braves creation. Surrender to him, pray to him for guidance when you feel lost, trust him(in his plan) and try to when you in the mirror to say “I love myself for the good, the bad and in between”, you have assure yourself you got yourself.

[@rawaygooookooobi6986]

And I pray in the mist of everything you find peace inshallah

[@laviniawanjiru9738]

@@rawaygooookooobi6986 Thank you so much, I appreciate your kind words.

[@ntsakisin9387]

🥺 love and light..hope you find the healing you are looking for ❤❤

[@lesegodlulane8222]

This installment!! Childhood trauma is exactly why I am so particular about what adults say about and how they treat my children. I truly feel that our elders/parents failed us. Instead of stopping children and other elders from teasing, mocking and bullying their own children or young children in the family, they were part of it or did nothing ro stop it

[@mamelangmmutlwane1511]

Dear Lerato and Phetola, you are God sent. Thank you for this topic, thank you so much. This was helpful, it was rightful and spirit inspired indeed. The LORD bless you and keep you always♥️

[@mrspboledi]

Hubby and I just had a very deep and vulnerable conversation after watching this, your instalments are always a conversation starter, thank you for this ministry. It’s important to ensure that we stop the vicious cycles of trauma in order to try and raise children who do not need to recover from their upbringing. One thing we’ve learned to be very intentional about is validating our children’s feelings and not trying to toughen them for the world, it’s not an easy journey but it’s important to allow them to be who God created them to be and not who we want them to be.

[@queenmusapitso5406]

This was a very insightful episode. What Lehakoe is projecting is what most of us lacked in childhood, being expressive. Our voices were shut down. We were not allowed to be ourselves. The danger in that is it catches up with you in adulthood. I'm very in touch with my emotions and I want to express them freely not suppress them. I find myself dealing with a lot of the childhood traumas that I have to unlearn at a adult stage. Now we are raising kids that are expressive and wants to be heard and listened to. I'm learning to be self-aware and listen attentively without judgement.

[@lutendomaiwashe1371]

What a heavy topic but handled so delicately with so much compassion.

[@keletsomekwa]

Argh, this was so liberating... quite emotional for me as well. I really just hope more people will be in relationships where there's so much self-awareness from both parties and where we don't have to have swords up, trying to 'protect' ourselves because that comes through as things like anxiety, emotional unavailability etc. in the context of relationships. Great one fam.

[@phutiyulandah8652]

🥰🥰🥰❤

[@DrKadosh_A_Fruitful_Woman]

I had to sit quietly and Listen. I had to listen to understand and not to respond. It’s hard at times being a psychiatrist and more in child psychiatry dept, and being reminded that hey you human too, have you had any childhood traumas that are affecting you now. Eish #dreamteam ..... THANK YOU. I don’t want to add or subtract but to just thank you! Thank you for being together and a model of a Christian marriage. All you said resonated deeply. This is the foundation of everything. The most vital issue to be dealt with. So much self esteem issues comes from “jokes” that were actually bullying. People post naked pics just for that validation on social media. The world is WOUNDED. Our souls need healing. How do we get there without insight? Well.... as for Lehakoe.... she’s strong but fragile. A paradox. There’s a purpose in that. She is very empathetic and in tune with her emotions. She so many steps ahead that most of her age. More Grace upon her. More guidance. Thank you Aus Pheto on the importance of Psychotherapy. There is nothing wrong Muzalwane for you to seek help in someone to talk to and gain skills from. There is no sin and it’s not a sign of lack of faith. Mr Makhs: I love how vulnerable and sincere you are with your rib! You are amazing. Ok.... Bakwena’s , please consider doing pre marital and marital counseling officially because wow. Na wow ooooo (in Nigerian accent). May the Lord Bless you mightily! I love you. Dr Setjie

[@nonjabuloshongwe1212]

The biggest lesson for me from this installment and to think of it from all your installments would be 1) One really is so much more to their partner than just a lover. A fruitful relationship needs a person who is in touch with themselves in order to be touched by your partner on an emotional level. I’m seeing this from you by the way that you search one another’s feelings and emotions before reaching a place where you can agree with each other and understand each other. 2) There is always room to learn new things about your partner. (You guys have known each other for more than a decade yet I hear you say so often that “You never told me that, or I didn’t know this about you” ). To me You two model commitment so well & lastly 3) Therapy is a need. I love this installment too

[@RMM62]

I grew up in a very protective household and my parents validated whatever was good about us. They reaffirmed it. I found it very weird when my relatives would began to say things that weren't coherent with what I was used to hearing in my home, I even told mom about it sometimes, she was always graceful. Years later I began to realise how my thoughts of my appearance and behaviour always stemmed from what other people thought...even till today. But unlearning a mental habit starts with recognising it. We grow!!

[@ayandamphahlele857]

Wow, when Phetola said there's no place in this world for people who feel too much, that! Having to toughen up to survive. And the example of an innocent, pure-hearted person navigating a cruel, calculating world, I felt that thing!

[@leratonkatswang9306]

For a person who went through a lot of childhood trauma & has been in therapy the whole of this year. I understand this on a deeper level. My prayer is to find a partner that understands that people can't be either/or; good or bad. There's always a story behind an experience. Thanks for having such conversations.

[@portiayr]

It gives me relief to come across these kind of topics being tackled, as many of us ignore those traumas using unhealthy stuff mostly to numb or rather try and run away from the trauma haunting us. Listening to you guys strengthen me to push more in dealing with any sort of psychological problem in my life and also to reach out to others for them to get help. God bless you guys with more insight and may you reach and help heal as many wounded people out there.

[@siphokazindzengu3952]

Pheto is channeling some Alicia keys vibes with those braids,😍😍😍 Lerato Zange uziqhathe bhuti thanks guys for another great installment we often take for granted what happens while growing up as black people

[@MyNkuli]

I identified so much with this segment. Growing up my family members used to call me abuthi Nkuli because I was a tomboy. So I'm still very weird about how I dress now. I always get anxious before I leave the house, because of that. Another one was being told to stop playing in the sun because I was getting too dark. And my siblings are much lighter than me. This is still a struggle because my confidence comes from the validated by people. Working on this but it's hard.

[@sips_mkutukana]

Sending you a hug 🤗. I know the struggle of being the darkest in the family and being made to feel a type of way about it. I have dealt with it though. I love my dark skin.

[@Ntuthu28_M]

Lerato the husband award goes to u👐👐you are such a good listener

[@mmatsie_tsotetsi]

This topic is so close to my heart. My husband and I dated for 4 years before getting married and we knew about our childhood trauma during premarital counseling when the counselors helped us to connect the dots on the issues we now have in our relationship. It is such an eye opener and really turns things around because we are able to be gracious to one another. I've also realised that in most cases God will marry you to a partner that will somehow, with their behaviour, expose your traumas with the plan to heal you. Its important for people to go to therapy even when they think all is well, therapy helps to break a chain of trauma that could potentially be transferred to the next generation. Thank you all so much for this installment. I hope it heals people out there as we are all bleeding from something.

[@leratoranamane9529]

Notification gang 😄🔥🔥💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾 Hey dream team

[@boitshokomankurwane5696]

Ooh my word We try to fit in when we we're born to stand out.. Thank you Lerato, sometimes we kill our children's passion before it blossom.

[@crm5616]

Also can we talk about how toxic school actually is, when I was young I left home without knowing I had imperfections but came back knowing dozens of those...I love this topic

[@bellows_colleen]

the honesty and vulnerability in this relationship is remarkable!

[@mrspboledi]

Shuuu Phetola went deep with the narcissism and co-dependent relationship there it felt like I was in an Abnormal Psychology class once again, that’s exactly how such situations play out. This platform is really therapy redefined, I hope this helps anyone who is going through such right now.

[@tshwarilekabe9150]

My girl loves you guys. This is a discussion I try have with her considering the future we want God to bless us with. In many ways, i feel we are both unfit for what we desire going into our future. With that tends to come an unhealthy urgency to push when it should really be a gentle nudge. This is a good reminder for me to remain gentle about our individual restoration going forward. The Holy Spirit has been telling me TIME. I'd like to exhort everyone else whose on that same journey to total healing...TIME 🌹😉

[@dorothyaboagye3363]

Yho! This ruffled my feathers. I’ve been dealing with/healing from a lot of my childhood trauma via therapy and this video helped me make the connection between my trauma and how I behave in relationships. Interestingly I’m even realizing why I am attracted to the people that I am attracted to. A big part of that is that I try to steer clear of people who trigger a lot of the things that I went through. For instance, I will always seek a partner that has staying power and can commit 100% because I still have a fear of abandonment. I will seek a partner that is sensitive and will not dismiss my feelings, because growing up my feelings were always dismissed and I had to be “tough” when in actual fact I am naturally a sensitive person. This conversation was so good. I feel like I actually need to go back and think about all my trauma responses and how I can deal with them so that my future partner does not have to mend what he didn’t break.

[@madampraises4450]

It's so sad how we downplay the impact of our childhood traumas and go as far as making them a joke, not realizing how hectic and heart piercing they can be 😩🥺

[@carolineguwatudde1007]

Hmmm......... " Bleed on the person that didn't cut you", " Trying so hard to fit in, when you were created to be different".... Wow, thank you Lerato.

[@LethoHali]

Don’t get me started on childhood trauma! Oh my life! I grew up believing I am ugly myself 😭.

[@sarahletsoalo9668]

I send you all love 🤍💝

[@victoriamirembe719]

childhood trauma has a lot of impact on us as adults esp when we are unaware of the effects it has on us. Its also a journey to healing... bleeding on the person who didn't cut you..that's profound. self-realisation is a good place to start.

[@nomvuselelomatsebula4822]

Your transparency is much appreciated.

[@anelenaledichantelmotloung5617]

I resonate with Phetho's experience 😭💔 this really hits home. Thank you guys for your honesty and openness ❤️

[@dimainspire957]

Wow I love how you tackled this topic, I feel like this channel deserves 100k and more subscribers hle. #RoadTo100kSubscribers

[@nosiphelolugongolo2890]

When Phetola said" most of our conversations are Spirit lead"i couldn't agree any less. You really are here for a purpose, God is greatly using you guys to heal our broken hearts, and to unlearn the bad habits we grew up with. I love the podcasts, I always look forward to feed from ur wisdom... Much love ❤️❤️

[@abbaamanda5158]

Thank you for this!!! I've listened to this about 3times. I've mentioned it in passing to my Partner but I think I'm ready to sit and hash out the Trauma I experienced within our relationship with him. We are at a better place now but in our immaturity stage, some experiences left lasting traumatic effect on me. For me to truly let it go, I have to express to him what those experience did to me. Thank you again for this, I caught myself crying because I was thrown back into those moments for a while.❤️

[@davinnaligons9812]

Your transparency is cherished and appreciated. Vulnerability is not easy but so libertating. Thank you kindly for your illustration of patients for one another in your relationship 💖

[@dineomakibelo8048]

The topic of childhood trauma is a very critical one. But it looks like one will always need therapy, which ultimately means money, to work through it. And because of where I find myself financially at the moment I just feel overwhelmed and helpless, and don't know how to deal with this. I don't have any other person to talk to (who is not a psychologist). Thank you for an insightful installment 🙏🏾

[@KhanyiMsibi]

The sound is much better 👍🏼. This conversation was so necessary. Made me reflect on a lot. Thank you for allowing God to use you. God bless you 🙏🏽

[@WeAreGivenWords]

Long comment🙈 but PLEASE read cause you guys touched me with this instalment. This video has been in my downloads for so long and I’ve dreaded watching because the wording “childhood trauma” triggers me so much especially because I’m going through the spiritual journey of healing my childhood traumas as well and this is by far the hardest thing I’ve had to tackle. You guys spoke so eloquently about this topic that I hope you visit it again. I love how this topic showed that sometimes our partners mirror certain traumas we have repressed or are avoiding without realising that this may be a sign from God that we need to revisit a certain part of our lives and deal with what we are rejecting in our partner because on a subconscious level the mind remembers that “hey, I went through something like this but I buried it deep within”. This mirroring also poses an opportunity perhaps to heal and grow with our partners which therefore strengthens trust and communication in the relationship. *chef’s kiss* with this topic I truly enjoyed it. Aus’ Phetola’s stories about her childhood reminded me so much of how family can do a number on you and still think it’s okay because you are a child. The soul always knows the trauma we go through and never forgets it even though we may not have the words to articulate it especially as kids. Your daughter showing and sharing her vulnerability is beautiful because I guess we never stop learning about ourselves even as adults because it led to this topic and probably presented an opportunity for you guys to revisit certain things about yourselves. That’s the thing about God he will use even our kids to help us bring ourselves closer not only to him but ourselves too through introspection. I’ve come to believe that healing our traumas is just us as adults re-parenting our younger selves because there were places those who raised us lacked in. And my God is this so hard but we soldier on. I think we don’t like the introspection part of healing because it now forces us to take accountability of our lives and to stop using the trauma as a false sense of warmth because pain from trauma can be comforting. Healing forces us to say “yes, something happened to you now, do you want to live with this trauma or do you want to deal and free yourselves from this burden which probably wasn’t yours but a product of someone else’s trauma that spilled to you through their mean words or their actions”. Lastly, May we introspect. May we cry. May we heal as people of God even from the things we don’t talk about.

[@ciciliaflanagan6390]

Yes Lerato you are so right. The thing is most of the time we as women react instead of responding. Respond is where u hear him out and try to understand. Reacting is just when you leash out on the person who just open up,being vulnerable. So than the man just close up,and struggle to open up again coz of the reaction

[@kodwat2134]

this couple is 💥

[@anele_ntandoh_Msomi]

Wow this topic got me into tears Cous wow we go through alot thank you the Makhs for this you are appreciated

[@marvelousmbali8002]

I’m crying alone? Oh gosh my heart is so heavy 😩😭

[@gomop4649]

Mine too,😭😭😭😭

[@simphiwer8970]

You'll heal. 🤗

[@MotherMogashoa_Mmathapelo]

I'm literally sobbing

[@maps_t6059]

This also got me in tears 😭😢😭

[@azatose2658]

Mr Makhs and Mrs Makhs thank you! Just had a lightbulb moment! I too was very in touch with my emotions and as umjita in the environment I was in, I couldn't be that emotional, had to put the amour on. But I have been bleeding on my girlfriend! She is very in touch with her emotions and so gentle hearted which is what my heart resonate with hers the most but I have been bleeding on her because in my head her tender spirit "does not go in the REAL world" I've been VERY wrong💔 thank god for you sharing this Wisdom this Ahah moment will not go down the drain🙏

[@MMP_Productions]

Oh the name calling. I relate so much. 💔 This definitely had a huge impact on my self esteem and confidence. I think, to sum it up, childhood trauma can either make or break you. This was so true and deep thank you so much. Loved this installment! ❤ We keep learning from you. 🙏❤

[@thephakathiz9664]

Eish when i was growing up i was chubby as well and i was called pig, ngulube. I had a sad primary life shem! Its good you guys i talking about these things. Shout out

[@mandlangisa]

Guys nooo😭😭😭😭😭The depth and transparency of this podcast is insane!!! Thank you so much for having these indepth conversations and for unpacking it so profoundly.

[@MotherMogashoa_Mmathapelo]

You guys are so eloquent, like you speak with so much caution, you're making it a point not to sound biased, articulating with genuine respect. Yho are you guys even real? God really made sure with you two. 👌🔥♥️

[@iam_Jaia]

Having followed your channel for awhile now, I am always grateful I stumbled on it... Even the first video can't seem to leave my head 🥰🤗

[@lesegodlulane8222]

You handled this so delicately and it is actually something that I have been taking time to look into about my own life. Where I trace where certain thoughts and feelings about myself, my body and my intelligence level, come from. Thank you for this❤️

[@pebetsemaepa5454]

My very own homies touching on subjects deemed taboo within the culture!!! Big up to you guys! Nations need to heal

[@rabeccamwila1314]

some of your talks give me anxiety because i know they are a doorway to my personal issues and healing, much love from zambia!

[@sibukandema509]

Hey guys, tjo what a topic. I was in a relationship and I am a strong person you know, but I am very in touch with my emotions, I want to feel things, talk about things, and this guy had gone through a lot of trauma, and he had learnt to be a tough cookie, and I was mostly shielded growing up, i did face some things though. The relationship was so toxic cause he just didn't understand how I could feel things, go through the emotions, and he used the words like 'snap out of it', 'you such a cry baby'... He felt like the world is so cruel and I am living in a bubble and I am weak...He would say he is 'building' me to be strong, he met me at 30, dude how have I been surviving all my life...

[@thekhoabanesunfiltered8896]

What a heavy topic…I haven’t watched but I’m already getting goosebumps

[@KhanyisileDlamini23]

You know when you go to church and the pastor's sermon hits home,that was my experience with this video😭This was so deep but I loved this video❤

[@AnnstaciaK]

I come on time! Notification gang!!!!!!!

[@leratomatlala9716]

Shuu, you guys were so vulnerable, almost made me cry. Thank you for sharing, surely it is journey to get where you are, where you are able to speak about your traumas so openly. I don't think I'm at this point but I hope to get here. Like Phetola said, some of us choose to bury the trauma, however it is very unhealthy. Thank you again for sharing

[@faithkalat3344]

I always watch most of ur videos but I skipped this and I am glad I still got to watch it after over a year. God bless u both🙏🏽

[@mbalimthethwa5618]

This is just amazing. God bless you. May God continue to heal all of us.

[@Phiwokuhleqha]

The Lord bless you guys! There’s just so much to say about the both of you and how the Lord is using y’all…yoooh! But Lerato when you apologized to your wife in public like(of coz you’ve done so in private) 26:09 that was dope! 30:52 Amen Pheto! The Lord bless you fam and thank you for your transparency, too real ✨

[@marvelousmbali8002]

From what I’ve listened to so far on the podcast wow my heart is heavy cause of the topic 😩

[@deboraletsie_koenane]

You guys are my favorite couple you tubers, always very informative. I admire how you guys get vulnerable with us. I hope you know how great of a positive impact your work is doing to our lives. Keep up the good work ❤️

[@leratomathenjwa7761]

Hi Makhs, you guys are so kind. You make conversations look so easy. You have really mastered conversations. I love you so much.

[@OscarineMlisana]

Wow I just check your Podcasts guys on Spotify, I thank God I've got an account I will start listening to your Podcast❤️🇬🇧

[@siyandaxipu6516]

Wow this is a deep topic that is rarely spoken about, very powerful .

[@boitumelokutlwano1716]

Ooh Maan it's how Lerato was smiling looking at Pheto there in the beginning. Let me listen, this is actually a much needed podcast as just from the topic this is quite relatable

[@moocowtv]

Super great installment. Watched it so intently that you came to the wrap-up part 30 mins later and I wanted more..lol..Always great watching you guys.

[@sukuloluhlen]

No guys. The way I was thinking about this topic and have actually been working to heal from some the effects of my childhood trauma today as a young adult because I see how this has been working against me in not just my relationships with people but with my relationship with myself. I haven’t even watched this yet but I know it’s going to be informative and so helpful. This needs to be spoken about more. This channel and podcast is one of my favourites. ❤️ Cheers guys. God bless y’all.

[@bulelwapringana5960]

Hmmm you guys.....i don't have words, learning a lot n grateful for your ministry!!!!

[@lisebomarykotelo77]

Very helpful 👌. We appreciate the Makhs for keeping it real always. Love you more dream team ❤. God bless you

[@condecoco]

Yes we are here ...love from Zimbabwe 🇿🇼

[@tebohomado4990]

Very informative convo. I think these types of conversations should be held with the our siblings as well.

[@lebogangbonoko8405]

It's the consistency for me🔥🔥🔥❤❤ #GangGang✊

[@kokimothoagae9533]

Notifications gang 📣📣📣📣 #dreamteam

[@michelleelias5336]

One thing that the Holy Spirit revealed to me during the therapy sessions, which You guys highlighted is that a lot of our character dysfunctions are a result of undealt with Trauma...No one is born hot-tempered or overly sensitive or shy etc, but life happens and if we don't surrender that Trauma to the Lord, or go for therapy, we become dysfunctional. And I like how Lerato highlights that society judges people for their dysfunctions instead of investigating the brokenness behind it.

[@salomechauke6181]

Thank you thank you, I cannot believe I just discovered you.i am thanking you for this : your titles and actual video speak to each other,it's amazing many titles over promise to nothing authenticity and opening up to a level where you comfortable is amazing. I am here for this

[@octaviamahlatsi2203]

I'm impressed by the title alone. Your content is so necessary. Goes to show your channel was made not only for you, but for a much greater purpose. Thank you!!

[@sibusisodhlamini5974]

Modimo wa ka!! shuuuuu. Thank u for being a gift

[@VEE592]

I can relate to this so much.. Thank you being vulnerable and sharing this with us

[@Adiela.baby.]

you guys are amazing! I'm always in awe of your educating conversations and the way you communicate your thoughts

[@MotherMogashoa_Mmathapelo]

My heart is so heavy, I want to comment but words fail me😭. Thank you family God bless you ❤️

[@gosegomakone3523]

Thank you so much for this✨looking forward to the episode on addiction

[@ladyrosemadisha5490]

Wow thank God you touched on this. Many people dont understand the effect that childhood traumas affect relationships. Being selfaware goes a long way and having a partner who wants to understand your traumas and help you heal them.

[@Elsa-Pearl]

Wow. Thank you sooo much for sharing this! You have no idea how much such conversations help others ❤️

[@marvelousmbali8002]

I’m Still listening to the podcast 😂😩💔we are within ♥️

[@andiswaedyantyi]

Yoh guy's childhood traumaz sime of us block them do we dont sink but they find a way to manifest themselves in different parts of our lives, excellent topic for real

[@nontobekomadonsela7040]

Ohh my word what a deep topic. Thank you so much guys..

[@answersfrommylips197]

I really love the way you talk about HEAVY topics with such calm and understanding. Thank you for the instalment.

[@amayalewis4464]

Daaang. Y'all are good 🔥🔥

[@enlightenmentmoment1915]

What a topic, thank you for unpacking it so well. Childhood traumas are so hard to be dealt with.

[@dorcasmulongo96]

The quality of the video and the sound is just insane … we love it 🥰 the topic was deep 🥺 it’s currently 11pm in China but couldn’t sleep without watching this installment. 🙏🏾

[@blessjoy]

That's what I was thinking maaahn!!!these conversations feel like they are spirit led. I feel ministered to every time.

[@londekazondi4771]

This is sooo profound and I relate so much

[@GoodMorningSunshine.]

Thank you so so much for this episode. There is so much power and healing in vulnerability. I have felt the need to identify, deal and heal from my childhood traumas while I'm still single. This has been empowering for me. Even though I can never be perfect, but once married, I feel that the process I'm going through now will add value in my marriage. I'm doing some of the hard work now God's grace. I love You guys and I Pray for You ❤

[@unathisamulela4245]

You guys are a blessing , a topic in season, bless you.

[@bonginodoba7551]

This is such an important topic to talk about, so relatable. Thank you so so much. I truly appreciate you guys and the knowledge you share with us.

[@wandilekwanda541]

The gang 🔥🔥

[@sanelemjoli4877]

I love how you tackled this topic. I also had to deal with this and sadly it nearly ruined my marriage. God bless you Makhs. The Great I AM loves you

[@lebogangmothibe2697]

Your Topics are most definitely SPIRIT💖 led.

[@kutlomasole712]

This conversation was really deep guys and you both handled it well.It was indeed spirit lead.Wow!!! thank you Jesus.

[@rirhandzumthombeni-khumalo5048]

Such a relatable topic 👌🏽 The often easier choice is to keep trauma in the back burner but definitely worth discussing with someone you're spending the rest of your life with.