Portal Cake Recipe

GLaDOS's blue core says the recipe for the cake.
How I was able to listen to it all:
I had "sv_cheats 1" on and I used "impulse 101" to get the rocket launcher. I shot GLaDOS until she dropped all the cores. Then, I went past the vaporization field. GLaDOS will talk and drop the core that doesn't talk. I quickly incinerated the purple core (that doesn't talk) and sprinted to the entrance. I aimed the cross hairs to the area around the red phone and typed "ent_remove" this will quiet GLaDOS and will stop her from releasing the neurotoxin. I retrieved the blue core and was able to listen to it all, uninterrupted.
I used the Source Recorder for this video.
Type "impulse 200" with "sv_cheats 1" on into the console to hide the weapon.
Type "hidehud 4" into the console to hide the heads up display.
All footage was taken from the game Portal. © Valve Corporation.

[@joshd8930]

I love that the cake is actually pretty normal and then she starts going off about garnishes that get increasingly insane and sadistic, and this whole time she's just casually spinning around.

[@elnico5623]

Shaped like fish

[@nukeninmgt1504]

Sediment shaped sediment

[@Redaft]

wow, you mean you watched video?

[@bartybum]

She? Isn’t this meant to be Wheatley?

[@nukeninmgt1504]

@@bartybum That's one of the personality cores attached to Glados.

[@DeeManDrawsIsTheBest]

I tried baking this cake, and let me tell you, I wouldn't recommend it to anybody. Tasted like fish. I think it was the rhubarb.

[@nctamid604]

Dee-Man Draws Announcer: expect death within the next 24 hours.

[@nailymoment1786]

R/madlads

[@thatrandomshieldpotion6838]

It had fish shaped ethylbenzene in ut

[@financialzero5684]

Nah you probably forgot the fiberglass surface resins

[@jj_see_film]

Are you puting resin in it too!?

[@jefftheskeleton110]

At first it seems normal, then it gets weird, and THEN it goes insane

[@MrMoon-hy6pn]

Adjustsble aluminium head positioner, Slaughter electric needle injector, Cordless needle injector, needle injector driver, needle injector gun, cranium caps. Seems perfectly normal to me

[@vinfinityremakerguy]

An *entry* called *How to kill someone with your bare hands.* Seems like this is normal too.

[@disgal6235]

The way it just spins makes it so much funnier and i dont know why

[@pixelcat29]

I find it really cute

[@Star.6739]

I like to think like he ate a weird cake and now all he can think is cake if you catch my drift

[@jovankabroz6858]

around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world around the world

[@DeltaDoesGarbaj]

​@@Star.6739he's drunk

[@palecaptainwolfkayls8499]

This thing has one thought in its head, and that is not gyro stability.

[@marklund117]

"One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb."

[@williamblough6415]

Mark Lund best rhubarb ever

[@hueyfreemanhisanimatedfrie925]

meaning: bend the rhubarb into a bun.

[@BMAN-eb4jk]

Wtf does that mean?!?

[@devanhinskey9001]

Shaped like fish.

[@GlyntTheCat]

Only the finest from the Rhubarb triangle.

[@coffeetext]

Also, "an entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'"? Sounds like something Saxton Hale would write.

[@dankmoo]

He did. I'm reading it now. It is fantastic.

[@nctamid604]

Invader GIR *steals and puts into a big pot full of ingredients for the cake*

[@mommaholly]

+Invader GIR WATE A SECOND I KNOW YOU...INVADER ZIM THATS WHUT YOUR FROME😎

[@whenthemewhen2755]

oh hey javascript, are you taking an cofee made with "RHUBARB"

[@halopro8958]

Hello! Saxton Hale here with my new book, "How to kill someone with YOUR BARE HANDS!" Written by me, Saxton Hale! Buy it now, or I'll come to your house and give you a free demonstration!

[@Fighter_Builder]

*Writes down the recipe* Okay, so how do I actually cook the thing? Cake Core: ................ Me: ..............................

[@DealsFS]

Fighter_Builder with an aperture science intelligence incinerator

[@whenthemewhen2755]

@your least favorite youtuber LOL

[@Solais1019]

This is where the real testing begins

[@Thepizzaboy60]

*recites recipe again*

[@Reynard_Georgefox]

Wheatley

[@wheatley_1709]

"One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix." "One can prepared coconut pecan frosting." "Three slash four cup vegetable oil." "Four large eggs. One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips." "Three slash four cups butter or margarine." "One and two third cups granulated sugar." "Two cups all purpose flour." "Don't forget garnishes such as:" "Fish shaped crackers." "Fish shaped candies." "Fish shaped solid waste." "Fish shaped dirt." "Fish shaped ethyl benzene." "Pull and peel licorice." "Fish shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment." "Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish." "One cup lemon juice." "Alpha resins." "Unsaturated polyester resin." "Fiberglass surface resins." "And volatile malted milk impoundments." "Nine large egg yolks." "Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes." "One cup granulated sugar." "An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'." "Two cups rhubarb, sliced." "Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb." "One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb." "One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb." "Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire." "One large rhubarb." "One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb." "Two tablespoons rhubarb juice." "Adjustable aluminum head positioner." "Slaughter electric needle injector." "Cordless electric needle injector." "Injector needle driver." "Injector needle gun." "Cranial caps." "And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals." "That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.""One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix." "One can prepared coconut pecan frosting." "Three slash four cup vegetable oil." "Four large eggs. One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips." "Three slash four cups butter or margarine." "One and two third cups granulated sugar." "Two cups all purpose flour." "Don't forget garnishes such as:" "Fish shaped crackers." "Fish shaped candies." "Fish shaped solid waste." "Fish shaped dirt." "Fish shaped ethyl benzene." "Pull and peel licorice." "Fish shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment." "Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish." "One cup lemon juice." "Alpha resins." "Unsaturated polyester resin." "Fiberglass surface resins." "And volatile malted milk impoundments." "Nine large egg yolks." "Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes." "One cup granulated sugar." "An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'." "Two cups rhubarb, sliced." "Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb." "One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb." "One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb." "Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire." "One large rhubarb." "One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb." "Two tablespoons rhubarb juice." "Adjustable aluminum head positioner." "Slaughter electric needle injector." "Cordless electric needle injector." "Injector needle driver." "Injector needle gun." "Cranial caps." "And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals." "That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue."

[@williamblough6415]

That is the recipe for his cake

[@j3tfueljr1nker]

i cant believe i listened to this lol

[@biigg22]

*T H A N K Y O U*

[@ProficientWarrior]

At the end I thought it said "deep penetrations asians" I was like what the fuck??? XD

[@XHAPPYAj]

Good on you, why would you do that?

[@UnrealAngel]

The core forgot the fish-shaped rhubarb sediment needle injector resins.

[@mightymouse4230]

Really are you serious. If I ever ate a cake with that many ingredients I would just drop dead. 😵😵😵😵😵😵

[@UnrealAngel]

But hey, at least we know the cake isn't a lie. Its quality is.

[@fizzytnt9456]

1 cup fish-shaped rhubarb sediment needle injector resins.

[@LrdVnm]

I knew it tasted off.

[@AlinaYourLocalUkrainian]

It also forgot the Vanilla Crazy Cake

[@codaboi138]

Fun fact: this dialogue is recycled from a very early scraped version of the glados boss fight where she would recite these lines. You can actually tell it's just a slowed down version of glados's voice when you listen to it with that context in mind. It would continue for a long time with an added "crazy vanilla cake" line, repeated a whole lot. That's what the achievement crazy vanilla cake is in reference too.

[@Chorismos]

How did I not notice that. Iet me fact check it. I'll edit this comment. Edit: It's true...

[@ExtemTheHedgehogLol]

It’s actually vanilla crazy cake not crazy vanilla cake

[@whoisthisanywayhm]

I played portal project beta and can confirm this, I just which someone would post a video of that

[@Adek4M]

could you post a link with a video of that please? I'm so interested in it

[@KirikkSiSq]

This dialogue is the only one which is better in Russian dub than in original. Russian dub of P1 is unfamous for being extremely bad, it's voiced by 1 person and it has neither glitches in test chamber nor voice changes during boss battle. Also, yesterday we were told to bring some posters to school. Today (April 1st) I sent this recipe to my class's WhatsApp chat, saying we also need this

[@brainmaxxing1]

Now I feel like GLaDOS wasn't lying about the cake.... I feel like this would make a really nice cake... ...to kill someone in one bite

[@OHJ4Y]

The cake wasn't a lie

[@UnrealAngel]

U_MAN_SPARTAN_15 __ The cake's quality is.

[@OHJ4Y]

Gabriel Hujjat depends if you were trying to make a poison cake (Hey, that rhymed!)

[@UnrealAngel]

U_MAN_SPARTAN_15 __ One thing's for sure, it'd taste like rhubarb and charcoal.

[@titotheturtle5779]

I think the cake had a bomb in there ._.

[@AKOSlost777]

Ive followed the recipe and this looks nothing like a cake.... It looks like a big colorful fish....

[@halopro8958]

With Rhubarb

[@ViolentRainbow]

And needles sticking out of it

[@grandomrye3873]

And I think it knows how to kill someone with it’s bare hands.

[@jacksonbandito]

And a 20 foot impermeable clay layer.

[@dantehellsing8807]

That's because the cake is a lie

[@Korstre]

The characters of Portal always spoke in such technical manners.

[@DeeManDrawsIsTheBest]

Well they are robots... That's what robots do, yo! I should know, some of my best friends are robots.

[@halopro8958]

12 MEDIUM GEOSYNTHETIC MEMBRANES

[@ExtemTheHedgehogLol]

In the first portal game they tried their hardest to make all the robots sound like text to speech voices. It really paid off and contributed to the overall feeling of the game

[@ExtemTheHedgehogLol]

Oh holy crap this was 8 years ago 0-0

[@InventorZahran]

@@halopro8958 Shaped like fish.

[@NoriMori1992]

For the curious, the normal part of this recipe is for German's chocolate cake, a layered chocolate cake filled and topped with a coconut-pecan frosting. It's named after a guy named Samuel German, who developed a type of dark baking chocolate for the Baker's Chocolate Company in 1852. Over a century later, in 1957, a recipe called "German's Chocolate Cake", which was created by a Dallas housewife and used Samuel German's baking chocolate, appeared as the "Recipe of the Day" in _The Dallas Morning News._ General Foods, which owned the Baker's brand, distributed the recipe to many other newspapers, and it became very popular.

[@IndoorSitup]

neat

[@sivrios]

actually, you mean Aperture Science's Vanilla Crazy Cake? Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy cake. Vanilla crazy. Cake vanilla. Crazy cake vanilla.

[@cannedCPU]

When I first moved to Germany, I went to a bakery and asked for my favourite cake "German chocolate cake". The lady pointed at all the different types of chocolate cake she has in the bakery

[@AwayCannon201]

yummy package chocolate cake mix

[@crabapple7704]

Employee: “Hi, how can I help you?” Me: “Does his store happen to have a cross borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb?” Employee: ... what the f**k

[@MrMoon-hy6pn]

"got any needle injectors, cranium caps and adjustable head positioners? Well that's a shane"

[@dreamfirefight9456]

This is why you buy from the dark web. They got all that stuff on there.

[@teddys5775]

I read the employee's lines in Seth Rogen's voice lol

[@InventorZahran]

"Hi, do you happen to have any fish-shaped rhubarb in stock?"

[@TheToadFan95]

"Hi, does this store have an entry called "How to Kill Someone with your Bare Hands"?" "Get the fuck out of my store or else I will call the cops"

[@theplayajam7654]

The recipe seemed alright until he started mentioning fish shaped stuff and rhubarb. One thing he forgot. Fish Shaped Rhubarb.

[@parrokeet9877]

yes. he forgot that

[@jaivinti7493]

Fish shaped dirt Fish shaped fish

[@monke7919]

@@jaivinti7493 dirt shaped rhubarb

[@devanhinskey9001]

Fish-shaped rhubarb on fire. Shaped like fish.

[@lamdao3375]

1:40 is crazy

[@msfritz9158]

"...and candy covered peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish."

[@mhum02]

Favorite things: 1. Rhubarb 2. Fish-Shaped Items 3. Needle Injector 4. Rhubarb Fish-Shaped Items 5. Fish-Shaped Needle Injectors 6. Sediment Shaped Sediment 7. Cake Mix 8. Rhubarb 9. Fish-Shaped Cake Mix 10. Rhubarb

[@nickvas7034]

All Purpose Rhubarb

[@halopro8958]

One cross borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb Adjustable aluminum head positioner Slaughter electric needle injector Cordless electric needle injector Injector needle driver Injector needle gun Cranial caps And it contains proven preservatives and gas and oder control chemicals, that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue

[@whenthemewhen2755]

rhubarb on fire

[@MacTechG4]

You forgot the Geosynthetic Membranes...

[@howardvonstauffer]

11. An entry of "How to kill someone with your bare hands"

[@hilariocitii]

I like how all the animations of the cores are accurate and then there is Cake Core just vibing.

[@ArcJupiter]

Yumm, fish shaped Ethol Benzine solid waste with a hint of rhubarb on fire.

[@extrapathos]

Exquisite 👌

[@rainbowrose8802]

Yes, very commonly desired things

[@jtk9168]

SOMEBODY UNLIKE THIS RIGHT NOW.

[@Archipelagoat]

i think it need some more fish-shaped dirt

[@APerson-ok7jv]

We also need fish shapped solid waste... :\

[@urmommy5]

More Rhubarb on fire

[@disc1142]

Did you add the rhubarb?

[@sovietunion7643]

kid named sediment shaped sediment

[@Archipelagoat]

@@sovietunion7643 dude I made this comment when I was 11

[@NintendoSMASH]

This guy enjoys Rhubarb...

[@lifehandzlemons9236]

Fish too

[@limecyanizer4394]

@@lifehandzlemons9236 Fish _shapes_

[@jtk9168]

I fixed the likes

[@Huvada]

It was probably for the best that Chell was never given the cake.

[@freya9499]

I actually made this cake, tasted like rhubarb and fish mostly, i gonna die soon

[@YisraelHhagever]

+Casey Prumbach lol

[@daphneedwards484]

how did you get sediment shaped sediment and needles tho

[@raikkappa23]

pharmacies and the ground

[@ChloekabanOfficial]

**eats the cake** *_[tastez liek fish shaped everithin with rhubarbz in piez, orange flavored]_*

[@BrowncoatFairy]

why would it taste like fish? there's no fish in the recipe.

[@andysim232]

Could not find half this stuff in Tesco...

[@halopro8958]

Have you tried Walmart?

[@ChloekabanOfficial]

@@halopro8958 Well have you ATE Walmart?

[@losspol_3466]

Maybe Lidl

[@SnowyFoxlinn]

DO YOU NOT HAVE WALMART OR KING SOOPERS WHERE YOU LIVE!?

[@losspol_3466]

@@SnowyFoxlinn missing that walmart freedom

[@firesd7306]

Everyone just remember that GlaDos probably heard this cake recipe 24/7

[@FriskMeemur]

Probably thought "how many ingredients does this cake have?!"

[@justalilcoffeecat]

The way Glados says "rhubarb" has lived in my head rent free for the better part of 15 years

[@LucarioMario]

Taking out the random stuff makes a really good cake

[@arielsproul8811]

what is "random stuff" is it everything that shouldn't be in a cake at all?

[@mykalkelley8315]

Yes, ofc

[@BrowncoatFairy]

ok dude, you go ahead and a make a cake with 4 eggs plus nine large egg yolks.

[@ashsiegel381]

@@BrowncoatFairy the 9 egg yolks are garnishes btw

[@kindjustanormalgalt4623]

even though this recipe can kill you, can’t we just agree this is the cutest and best core?

[@oatmeal3013]

what about curiosity core? that one's adorable

[@archimetropolis]

Curiosity core can get insufferable because it loops goes through its lines much quicker

[@cloroxbleachchocolate_synchron]

This sounds like a recipe of a HowToBasic video

[@The_One_Time]

Seems legit.

[@howardvonstauffer]

Minus the ten thousand eggs.

[@jonathansanterre1548]

@@howardvonstauffer It must have replace them with rhubarb and gore stuff at the end.

[@zakronthesheep]

The "entry" one implies to me that it was an array or data list of some kind that got corrupted and started partially repeating, hence the fish and rhubarbs. It also mentions cranial caps and head positioners, which seem like the kind of thing you'd use to upload a person to an AI, so could be hinting towards glados's backstory

[@mcteen5198]

Well that was the oddest cake recipe I've ever heard. :|

[@aliensguy3840]

MC TEEN if you used all the ingredients listed it would be the shittiest cake in the history of the world

[@mhum02]

MC TEEN, you don't understand. RHUBARB.

[@MrIamtheone2]

not to mention you'd probably drop dead on the first bite lol

[@st2mpz561]

I made cake like this

[@genericuser7924]

I know right? Such a weird recipe! They never put enough rhubarb!

[@wowpoopstaylorsversion3267]

Google Translated version: Transfer the brownie mixture to an 18.25 oz "Period," he said. "Three leaves and four cups of olive oil." "What a big egg." Delicious chocolate. - Three to four cups of butter or margarine - One, two, three cups of sugar “A flower has two cups. “For example, don't forget the jewelry. "Fishing Club". "Food of Light". "Grassfish". Like Tabata "Ethylbenzene has a fishy smell," he said. Remove the leaves and drain. A common factor is the size of the fish. "He's an athlete in the sun." Different types of fish. "Lemon market". "Alpha Line" is the name of the game. "Asymmetric Polyester Resin". "Carton" is the name. "Cow's milk and cow's milk products." "Nine Magical Fruits." "Twelve Chinese Geomembranes". "sugar in the cup" He said he would kill them all with his bare hands. - 2 cups of bread, cut into slices "Two and three glasses of pasta." "from below". "Wachman and the Orange Bear." "Three spoons, put them on fire." "Finding Raghu" "Connect the dots." Two tablespoons of garlic juice. msgstr "The best set of mignon files." "Electrical Theory". "Electric Water". “It's an aerosol. "Point the needle." "MU High School". It has proven healing properties, very rich, relaxing and aromatic. "Go away, because you smell like a corpse."

[@agentburningbutters3655]

Probebly wheatly after he lost all his fundamental knowledge in space hearing space core saying space for 9 years straight

[@Mario78718]

"An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'" I will bet you ANYTHING that Saxton Hale wrote that.

[@HyperGolem]

The cake/intelligence core got incinerated during the GLaDOS fight along with other personality cores. Wheatley (a.k.a. intelligence dampening sphere) was one of the many cores that awoke after the events of Portal 1 to maintain the facility due to GLaDOS being shut down.

[@borkedluck]

I like how Logic Core's middle part is just constantly spinning

[@Pancakes4Tohka]

“ An entry called, _How to Kill Someone with your Bare Hands_ “

[@devanhinskey9001]

Shaped like fish.

[@Paraseptic]

AWWW, there's no fished shaped solid waste at the grocery store, man I really wanted to make that cake

[@Aristotle210]

look in the restrooms, maybe someone ate fish

[@halopro8958]

Fish shaped rhubarb resins work as a substitute.

[@shodown17]

its all fun and games until it starts telling you how to make a human clone

[@Paumarchgarcía]

Impressive how aperture actually transfered how to basic's conscience into a core.

[@Armuks]

I just woke up from the coma after making this cake and eating it... ...luckily it keeps pretty well, so might as well have another piece. See you in another 13 years!

[@RichardDong68]

0:00-0:24 sounds all right. Everything else is probably optional.

[@VagueNaming]

No, it’s all mandatory…

[@Emeraldakafunnygamerguy]

@@VagueNaming Manndatory, you could say?

[@v553]

Fish shaped crackers and candies are ok

[@jacobkern2060]

Well they are all garnishes, so don't forget them

[@PokemonArceus0304]

sediment shaped like sediment

[@ZirconiumPantsTeardown]

“2 tablespoons rubharb on fire”

[@yos-alt]

This core is *GENIUS* Now I got a chocolate deadly cake

[@sivrios]

you mean a "vanilla crazy cake" right?

[@1ᾧ1]

Fun fact: the head positioner and the rest past that point is how to preserve a dead human body...

[@eeveemaster2206]

"One cup lemon juice" *Cave Johnson flashbacks*

[@owdub7011]

Instructions unclear: I don't know what tempurature to bake it at

[@chaosriders79]

Uhhhh... I'll pass on the cake

[@AustinCraftFanpage]

If that's what's in the cake, I'm glad it was a lie!

[@batfacesirbatsalot1999]

oh you'll pass alright

[@quantumblauthor7300]

By the end it really is just describing the process of preserving a corpse, huh

[@tastycake413]

This core is so cute-looking, and the voice adds to it

[@vickiesimpson2264]

Glados hears this every day

[@bluebirbjayy]

i can see why the core became so interested in this "recipe"

[@InventorZahran]

It seems to have gotten confused and mixed up the recipe with a shopping list of body-preservation equipment.

[@SnaeK__]

Hedcrab would like that *PRETTY GOOD CAKE*

[@davooo7]

now the cake is a truth :D

[@YZYE]

This core starts talking about how to preserve humans which is really, really creepy, that’s what the needle injector is I’m pretty sure.

[@jasperheinrichs2776]

Life goals: Learn how to talk like that.

[@HauntFreak13]

Jasper Heinrichs I've got Wheatley down... now, GLaDOS.

[@nctamid604]

ThatHauntFreak2 i've got turrets and glados

[@mommaholly]

YA I WANT TO TALK LIKE HIM (not sarcasm)...IM THE SON OF THIS PROFIAL

[@avanelletheclockfriend2515]

"I'm different." Turret #?????

[@halopro8958]

Intelligence Core Worked for me, thanks!

[@miiirky1904]

I always found this particular core very cute with his sweet little voice

[@NIceGAl-sr5fj]

wait until u realise the last ingredients are used to preserve dead bodies

[@miiirky1904]

@@NIceGAl-sr5fj hahahaha it's still cute tho, with its monotone voice. And funny

[@pixelcat29]

Don’t forget how it spins because thats also cute

[@RunonTales]

So my mom went to make this cake for me for my birthday and was... intrigued once she read this recipe.

[@twistedaxles9126]

That tiny little pause before the "shaped like fish" made me laugh for some reason

[@jakethomas6123]

The quoted garnishes aren’t actually a part of the recipe. Key words: “such as”.

[@ChickenChecker11]

i actually thought at first this was normal cake

[@Featherssketch]

I love the way he says "rhubarb" "rhu _barb_"

[@leonxrdd]

Incase you don't know, In the end he starts talking about body funeral preparation

[@alybe1801]

I don't know why, but him spinning like that and saying that recipe in the laziest and most monotone tone I've ever heard just makes me laugh too much

[@hiveemperor54]

Apparently the Cake/Intelligence Core just has slowed down GLaDOS voice lines that were scrapped

[@Glocktopus1]

The last few lines is about preserving a corpse but no one in the comments seem to acknowledge that

[@kidyomu89]

It tasted like rhubarb, dirt, and blood. I don't remember putting so much blood in this cake.

[@somerandomperson6511]

Howtobasic has competition

[@LordofDiamondsMetal]

I snorted so hard when it said “pull and peel licorice”. Don’t know why.

[@peachesplums]

luckily the fish shaped crackers and everything after are just suggested garnishes and not actual ingredients

[@TheMilitantHorse]

_sets down massive cake filled with fish-shaped items_ Friend: "Why does this taste like rhubarb?" _punches his head in with a needle gun_

[@heavenandhello6629]

Fun fact: This is glados’s voice pitched down

[@Toon_Lucario]

Instructions unclear, I ended up building a gundam somehow

[@chocolate_maned_wolf]

this remains the funniest gag in a game ever

[@transbiologistthetransesto7956]

Man, other than the pecan frosting, this sounds pretty good. Plus, 9 eggs is a tad much. Closer to 4 or 5 eggs is much better, as too many or two few will mess up the taste, texture and structure. Can't wait to try it!

[@tylermcewan2965]

​@FizzleDrunk Well, its been 2 years so I'd say he probably didn't

[@AlinaYourLocalUkrainian]

@FizzleDrunk what about the ingredients for preserving a dead body?

[@Crimcomet]

When in doubt, add more rhubarb

[@Jaceblue04]

"Sediment-shaped sediment." Why do I suddenly not want the cake?

[@thefirebeanie5481]

Seriously why they think hoopy the hoop would become a more of a meme than all of this

[@hellengana5373]

I think I need more fish shaped solid waste and orange rhubarb to make this. Period.

[@agentburningbutters3655]

A CORE HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN IN APERTURE CITY

[@ballisticblocker9163]

Summed up recipe: •fish •dirt •book •tools

[@F1areon]

you forgot the rhubarb

[@RatmanChallenges]

Now I know how to preserve a body

[@Generalmacka]

Fun fact: this is the exact recipient for the cake at the end of the game

[@B0wser998]

I tried baking this cake and somehow ended up on the FBI watch list...

[@pepijn23]

Some off the ingredients are actually used to preserve a human body in the morgue before a funeral or cremation.

[@craycraywolf6726]

Sus

[@oXDestroXo]

Thanks for the captions. Very considerate.

[@certificateidiot99]

0:41 sediment shaped sediment

[@janaki3829]

"You will be baked, and then there will be cake"

[@RoProReal]

1 (18.25-ounce) package chocolate cake mix 1 can prepared coconut-pecan frosting 3/4 cup vegetable oil 4 large eggs 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips 3/4 cup butter or margarine 1 2/3 cup granulated sugar 2 cups all-purpose flour Don't forget garnishes such as: Fish-shaped crackers Fish-shaped candies Fish-shaped solid waste Fish-shaped dirt Fish-shaped ethylbenzene Pull-and-peel licorice Fish-shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment-shaped sediment Candy-coated peanut butter pieces (shaped like fish) 1 cup lemon juice Alpha resins Unsaturated polyester resin Fiberglass surface resins and volatile malted milk impoundments 9 large egg yolks 12 medium geosynthetic membranes 1 cup granulated sugar An entry called: "How to Kill Someone with Your Bare Hands" 2 cups rhubarb, sliced 2/3 cups granulated rhubarb 1 tbsp. all-purpose rhubarb 1 tsp. grated orange rhubarb 3 tbsp. rhubarb, on fire 1 large rhubarb 1 cross borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb 2 tbsp. rhubarb juice Adjustable aluminum head positioner Slaughter electric needle injector Cordless electric needle injector Injector needle driver Injector needle gun Cranial caps And it contains proven preservatives, deep-penetration agents, and gas- and odor-control chemicals that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.

[@sheepdog1901]

amazing

[@TheBreakingBenny]

"As well as areas of the body that arterial embalment may have missed... and rhubarb."

[@sivrios]

ok

[@commanderAnakin]

I love this little guy.

[@bliksemtroy]

1 (18.25-ounce) package chocolate cake mix 1 can prepared coconut-pecan frosting 3/4 cup vegetable oil 4 large eggs 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips 3/4 cup butter or margarine 1 2/3 cup granulated sugar 2 cups all-purpose flour Fish-shaped crackers Fish-shaped candies Fish-shaped solid waste Fish-shaped dirt Fish-shaped ethylbenzene Pull-and-peel licorice Fish-shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment-shaped sediment Candy-coated peanut butter pieces (shaped like fish) 1 cup lemon juice Alpha resins Unsaturated polyester resin Fiberglass surface resins and volatile malted milk impoundments 9 large egg yolks 12 medium geosynthetic membranes 1 cup granulated sugar An entry called: "How to Kill Someone with Your Bare Hands" 2 cups rhubarb, sliced 2/3 cups granulated rhubarb 1 tbsp. all-purpose rhubarb 1 tsp. grated orange rhubarb 3 tbsp. rhubarb, on fire 1 large rhubarb 1 cross borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb 2 tbsp. rhubarb juice Adjustable aluminum head positioner Slaughter electric needle injector Cordless electric needle injector Injector needle driver Injector needle gun Cranial caps

[@sivrios]

ok

[@SnaeK__]

Mann, 11 years ago...

[@GOOFYCAT182]

He sounds so chill I love it 😂

[@spicylizards4714]

I used to think the core would actually say a legit cake recipe. This was before I found this video.

[@eduardosilva3255]

look's like it's also saying the materials to make a core

[@gnomesscareme]

Tf was aperture thinking

[@Ice2441]

Candy Coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish. The fish part made me LOL.

[@stevendamavandi3482]

Me: *searches for cake recipe* Bing: *normal cake recipe* Google:

[@craycraywolf6726]

Here I thought it'd be the other way around 😂

[@cringecomedy4728]

He forgot Fish shaped flaming rhubarb

[@borgog5255]

DAMN IT I ONLY HAVE SWEET CHOCLATE CHIP COOKIES