Post-Adoption Blues Part 1 | Feeling Sad After Adopting

[@adoptinformed]

Want more adoption help? Schedule a consultation with me! ✨ www.adoptinformed.com/consultation

[@BECxdemo]

I am just beginning to research adoption and trying to mentally prepare myself. I can see myself having these same streams of thought. Already I have similar fears. A lot of this sounds like “imposter syndrome”. Feeling like you aren’t actually qualified for what you’re actively doing. That you’re pretending and everyone is going to find out. It’s normal in all areas of life and especially something as major as first-time parenting through adoption. The feeling like I NEED to adopt an infant in an effort to pursue the most natural trend of becoming a parent in order to “earn my stripes” and be taken seriously only to realize not even that can prevent self doubt and judgement from other parents. Thank you for the video. I can’t wait to finish the series you have here.

[@jamieolivo5852]

I cannot express my gratitude for this video. I have been feeling everything you mentioned and have felt so guilty for the feelings. I reached out to a Facebook group I'm in and someone commented with this video. And we'll, thanks for making me see I'm not nuts. Or a horrible parent. ❤

[@adoptinformed]

I’m so happy that hearing my experience helped you feel less alone and less guilty! Believe me...I totally get it. And I can say with confidence that it improves with time ❤️

[@NovasYouTubeName]

9:50 this is soooo gold for any new parent thank you for openly talking about this ❤

[@barbaracunha5062]

I do not want to underestimate the complexities of adoption, but these are feelings and thoughts that are very common to biologic motherhood at first as well. A lot if is just the shock of being a parent. It gets better...

[@adoptinformed]

Yes, post adoption depression mirrors post partum depression, so I see where you are coming from. The biggest difference is that while there are vast resources about what post partum depression is, how to cope, etc, there are very few resources for adoptive parents going through something similar. I know that for me, hearing adoptive parents talk about their experience was really helpful because I realized you didn’t have to give birth for these feelings to be valid. That’s why I wanted to share my story.

[@SuzSweat]

Just cried hysterically while watching this. So grateful for your honesty 🤍

[@adoptinformed]

I’m so glad it touched you! ❤️ you are welcome!

[@jacquelinea2300]

I absolutely love this video. Foster parents can feel this way with each new placement as well. It is so valuable for foster and adoptive parents to understand the normalcy of these feelings and that it will get better, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.

[@adoptinformed]

Thank you! 😊 I’m walking through this again with our second adoption process and I am still trying to remind myself it won’t last forever! I remember exactly when I turned a corner after the first adoption and it was like night and day

[@sonia-mariaraposo6139]

Hello Katie! I just found your channel and what a blessing! I experienced this with all three of our adoptions. I also experience some sadness when our children achieve major milestones (walking, birthdays, baptisms, going to school...). It is something most people don't talk about, but this is more common than we want to admit. Thank you for speaking about it! Have a blessed day!

[@rachelballard9443]

This is so wonderfully honest and absolutely invaluable. Thank you!!! I have one child, a 2.5 year old, and phew! Age 1, and age 2 have been ROUGH. And that was my experience with a non-traumatized kiddo! New borns, you can at least go to the bathroom, slowly bond, watch TV while they doze. Not that way with toddlers, (though I have learned I can listen to history podcasts or youtube videos while we play). No wonder you felt this way! I feel like I'll be a lot like you and you're really helping to prepare us. THANK YOU!!! Every kiddo is different, so having a variety of tools (aka strategies) in your "tool belt" ready for meltdowns, being punched in the face for no reason, etc. is helpful. Truly can't thank you enough!!!

[@rachelballard9443]

Wanted to add that I had an extremely easy newborn, but I know many people do not. I did not mean to make light of how hard it can be. Even with my easy newborn, it takes time to bond!

[@tiffanymeyer6110]

Oh my word thank you for posting this! We just picked up our child a few days ago and I have had such mixed emotions I feel broke. Also I am currently feeling what you are talking about and I really appreciate this!

[@caterinas6863]

I hope it’s going better Tiffany? I have just adopted and struggling

[@tiffanymeyer6110]

@@caterinas6863 Yes yes! There is hope and it will pass. Now it did not miraculously go away but I joined a "post partum stress" support group and I did go to my doctor and seek medical intervention but things have gotten better. You are not alone and please do not be afraid to ask for help.

[@caterinas6863]

I am so shocked - I’m going through the extract same, I feel like I’m not cut out for this and I’ve made a mistake. I adopted 6 months ago. I love my child but I feel so crap.

[@adoptinformed]

I truly believe it will pass! I’m in such a better place now…and I experienced this whole thing over again (and worse) when we adopted the second time. With therapy, time, and being kinder to myself, I’m happy to say I’m on the other side ❤️

[@ginadand]

We just passed the 6 month mark with 2 teens.. it’s been really rough! Constant fighting and one may have RAD. We were told they had “mild” behaviors to find out they are extreme. I’m losing it! How are things now? Hopefully better ❤

[@caterinas6863]

@@ginadand I am sorry to hear - did you adopt them as teens? I adopted a baby and it was very hard but adopting older children must be a whole different game. I have a lot of respect for you. Yes, things are better here, although I am kind of burnt out.

[@ginadand]

@@caterinas6863 we’ve had them for 6 months. Waiting on TPR so still currently fostering. Adoption is set for May. We lost our 5 year old bio daughter in 2015 tragically so we have our own trauma and this is just making things so much harder for us. I know adoption is an all sunshine and rainbows, but I didn’t expect to get tormented and belittled, kicked and to watch one of the children constantly take it out on her brother abusively. I’m having second thoughts for my own sanity but it’s hard because I know if we send these kids back it’s going to destroy any future that they have. They would’ve told us these kinds of things in the training. I feel like we’re just stuck. I’m glad to hear things have gotten better for you, but I totally understand the burn out I feel like I just have no more to give.

[@thandomutambanesango7931]

I've seriously been considering adoption. I am worried though that my idea of what the experience will be like is very unrealistic. Your channel offers a raw and honest window into the struggles that come with it . Thank you for bringing me back to planet earth. I'd definitely still love to go through with it,but, with more realistic expectations of what I'm getting in to.Xx.

[@adoptinformed]

The fact that you even thought to yourself that your expectations could be unrealistic is a great start! Most people don’t even think about it. I’m so happy that hearing my experience was helpful for you 😊

[@argeliarivas6244]

Hi Katie, I just came through this video not knowing what I was actually about to hear. Everything that you described on your video it's exactly what I'm going through at this moment. I'm so thankful for you to be sharing this thoughts and emotions because I can know that I'm not the only one out there.

[@adoptinformed]

You are not alone! I'm so glad to be of help in some way 💙

[@lilianaavila366]

Me and my husband want to adopt from foster care and we are in the investigation process and is so funny that yesterday I was just talking to him about that I feel scare about not having an immediate bound with the child we adopt and I was just needing to hear this. Thank you for sharing your experience

[@kacicreel]

Thank you for this. Seriously. So nice to have a community to listen and understand

[@SunriseFlorida19]

This is very raw and beautiful… to accept our feelings!! Thanks so much for sharing!

[@jenniferh189]

Thank you for sharing all of this. Our beautiful and wonderful foster daughter came home with us at two days...she is now 8 months and we adore her. BUT some days and weekends feel reallllly long. I also count down the minutes until I have an hour to myself at the end of the day. Sometimes I don't even want my spouse to talk to me during that hour...I long for the quiet. I feel guilty and confused as I wanted a child for our first 12 years of marriage! We are trying to adopt her and I can't imagine life without her...but I sometimes look forward to her being a little older :/

[@adoptinformed]

Totally understandable! And being married for 12 years with no children means you were pretty used to that lifestyle...it can be a hard adjustment! (It was for me and we were married 5 years before kids). Thanks for sharing your story!

[@lauramaxwell8327]

Thank you so much for making this video. You spoke to my heart. This is exactly how I feel 7 months on from adopting my toddler son. I have been struggling and feeling horrible for feeling how I feel. This video has been so reassuring and soothing.

[@adoptinformed]

I’m so glad that it helped you! You are definitely not alone by any means! There is a Post adoption depression private group on facebook that might be helpful for you to join. It’s called PADS I believe.

[@lauramaxwell8327]

@@adoptinformed thank you for this information.

[@caterinas6863]

Hi Laura how are you feeling now? I’ve also adopted 6 months ago and am struggling

[@sophianovoa4276]

I saw your video before getting our girl. Its been 3 months she has been with us and I saw this video again and I thank God to have found you and see that what I feel its normal. You described exactly what I feel. Thanks for this video, it must have been very dificult to be able to say what you felt. Because as you said just thinking about it makes me feel the worst mother in the world.

[@adoptinformed]

Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️ You aren’t alone!

[@BobbyRyan2001]

I'm just going through the first few steps of being certified for adoption. I'm going to adopt a teen boy. I can't wait it's been a dream of mine to help a child for many, many years. I'm getting it started! 😁

[@0nezero]

Very informative and descriptive. Hats of to you hot mamma. Your doing an amazing job. 🥰

[@deliagerbino6797]

You are very brave to share this. I am very grateful

[@adoptinformed]

I just want people to know they are not alone...glad you found it helpful! ❤

[@Juliehellevik]

Thank you for sharing this. I feel all theese emotions after our second adoption of a toddler. Thanks for making sense for me and that theese are normal feelings to have. We need to speak more about it!

[@adoptinformed]

You are so welcome! Glad you found it helpful 😊

[@shannongalloway9500]

Thank you for this very real video

[@cjsage115]

Thank you so much. Thank you.

[@christinehoffman1825]

I Love your transparency! You are spot on! I relate 😀

[@sistersforever9340]

Thank you, thank you! Needs to be talked about!

[@adoptinformed]

Thanks so much for watching! It's definitely not easy to talk about it, but my hope is people will realize they aren't alone!

[@amberanderson5818]

I'm struggling with this right now. She's three days old and we went through the whole pregnancy with the birth mom and I figured I would get that immediate bond. My husband did, I did not. I haven't slept in four days and I keep crying because I feel awful that I don't have that bond. I stay up all night because I am terrified of something going wrong.

[@adoptinformed]

I'm sorry you are walking through that...I totally understand. Just know, it is okay if you don't feel the bond right away. Sometimes it just takes time! 3 days isn't long at all and you are going through a big life transition. I always remind myself that love is not just a feeling...it is a choice and an action. If you choose to show love to your child over and over again, the feelings will follow. Don't beat yourself up if it isn't happening automatically ♥️ you should look into this Facebook group I'm in where a lot of adoptive moms ask for help/advice: facebook.com/groups/adoptivemomcommunity/?ref=share

[@jenniferh189]

how are you doing now, Amber?

[@sylviegamboa106]

Thank you for your honesty.

[@babybelltanya2]

I love your channel! Keep posting. I am learning alot!

[@shannonsantschi97]

Thank you for this!

[@kickdropacoin]

THANK YOU so much for this video.

[@christytf]

Is it normal to feel this way if you haven't actually adopted yet? We just had a four day placement with a child (age 12) who we are in the process of adopting. I'm feeling so many of the things mentioned in this video and don't know if it's normal at this stage or a sign that we aren't the right parents for this child. Nothing traumatic happened while the child was staying with us. There is just a lack of attachment on my side and lots of grief of giving up our former lives, neither of which I was expecting.

[@christopherjordan6627]

I feel like this is what I'm going through and I don't know what to do

[@adoptinformed]

I totally get it. It can be very hard, and very isolating! I have a follow up video with some tips about overcoming it...some of it just comes with time, but there are definitely things you can do that help. I also have a blog post about that if you want to check it out! www.lacasadekatie.com/post/post-adoption-blues-2

[@debbailey2956]

Tjis vidro has jhelped mevso much...thankyou

[@tassisampaio]

Hi Katie!! Thank you for your video. I’m still in process to adopt a sibling groups and, although it’s tough to hear that, it is still very important! You mentioned that there are Facebook groups to support adoptive parents, but I could not find any... Do you have their names or links? Thank you! Wish you the best in your journey!! 💕🌹

[@adoptinformed]

There is one called The Adoptive Mom Podcast Community, which is the main one I use!

[@adoptinformed]

I have also played around with the idea of starting my own Facebook support group, and I will definitely let my subscribers know if I do!

[@tassisampaio]

Tks, I found it. I was looking for groups, not pages. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t find it before.

[@donotneedtoknow7541]

👍🏼

[@ShaeLaird]

Thank you for this video. I am going through many of these emotions right now and we are only fostering. No one talks about this so thank you. ❤️

[@adoptinformed]

Thank you! You are not alone ❤

[@cosmotheclown5579]

Why did I watch this