Situationships 101: Dating The Emotionally Unavailable + How To Move On - PRETTY BASIC - EP. 235

[@stephaniebrown8228]

Alisha was soooo spot on in with, “in reality, you’re falling in love with yourself” the person you become and the different version of yourself feeling all those new exciting feelings is so intense. She definitely helped open my eyes with that statement👏💕

[@chelseasjourneyxox6550]

I was like omg yes Alisha!!!

[@karmenpeter9043]

I need a ”friendship” version of this series!!

[@chelseasjourneyxox6550]

This!!!!!

[@mareeuhh124]

YES PLZ

[@victorialopuchin6355]

literally after this podcast, I deleted the 2-year message history between me and my ex because I would always find myself looking back at our messages and its not helping my healing process. also Remi ur makeup looks amazing

[@britt8099]

This episode is such a good reminder to never settle and that we deserve better!!!

[@Fringinto]

YESSSSSSs !!!

[@bexlamex]

this is THE universal girl conversation that needs to be had within all friend groups because we all go through it whether we’re the friend being wronged or the friend supporting the friend being wronged 💗 women deserve better in life for sure

[@azayra1156]

Me a happily married woman sitting here listening.. PREACH 👏🏻

[@elleneastwood7435]

Honestly, my favorite episode so far. The story and advice flowed so effortlessly. Sending hugs to Remi's pal. A better guy awaits.

[@fryeesaucee]

I related so much to when Remi talked about not having confidence and being lucky that someone is even giving you attention. SO RELATABLE. Same thing happened with me with my ex. He was my first ever boyfriend and I was so blindsided by the fact that a cute guy was talking to ME that I let all of his controlling and emotionally abusive behavior slide. SO GLAD I finally left him. It's so easy to get blindsided.

[@mateamarie4651]

I thought no one would ever love me so I basically jumped at the first guy that came my way. Big mistake!

[@POLINASHEVCHENKO]

Where was this podcast when I was a freshman in college?! I would have saved myself so much heart ache and time! 😩 at the end of the day everything happens for a reason and us ladies are all worth so much more than we think! Now I’m happily married and treated like an absolute queen. You WILL know the difference between who is truly worth your time and who isn’t. Also you both are gems thank you for this podcast! 💙

[@mateamarie4651]

I wish I could’ve had this in college too

[@Fringinto]

I was thinking the same but as you said, everything happens for a reason and I'm kind of glad it happened to me at 20 and not now I'm 35, bc it could have hurt me so much more!

[@smome777]

Tips that i think are helpful: 1. Take yourself out of the equation. Think of the best friend you love most in the world and if she came to you telling you what a partner was doing to her. This works especially well if you have more love for others than yourself. 2. Journaling is key. I wrote poems/entries that were like my manic thoughts for the person that id regret. I considered it like being "drunk". The same way you wouldnt drink and drive is the same way i wouldnt pour out my feelings to someone who feels like an emotionally unsafe space. 3. Believe them. Believe their actions, not their words. How they act with you. Check in with how you feel after spending time with them. Are you refreshed? Are you drained? 4. Make sure you have hobbies and a life outside the "situation". If you find yourself always reaching out, always going to them, maybe "putting out" when you dont want to, pull back and see how they react. This isnt playing games its seeing if there is any reciprocity available. Reciprocating is the bare minimum.

[@lailawilliams3007]

I literally remember the situation ship that started it all y’all asking us if we wanted a podcast to talk about 😂😂 I feel kind of old now

[@alessiajean1739]

And now remi's engaged to lovely cal 🥺

[@samanthakavanagh7034]

I was in a situationship for 7 years.... we always knew it would only ever end when one of us found real love. I literally moved from Canada to Australia for 6 months and even then it didn't end. I finally met my sons father, who is my current partner in summer 2017. That's when it ended. I still hear from him every so often typically a "hey I hope you're doing well" type thing. I'll always have love for him and I'm sure him for me. But we knew it was never going to work....when I think about it I still get sad and I'm fully moved on with a full life and family. But I did very much love him.

[@TheMelanieLynn]

I’m so happy I’m in a season of my life with being done having situationships, BUT I’m still in my healing era and needed this!! ILY & THANK YOU QUEENS ❤️❤️

[@jasmineavalos5585]

Same here girlie😌🫶

[@BrianaB3]

my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me last month & although this advice is mostly for situationships, its really helping me. It's been pretty rough. I am healing and it'll be okay one day!! thank you for these talks!!

[@Fringinto]

Sending you love and a big huge from Canada !

[@BrianaB3]

@@Fringinto thank you 🩵

[@yojulie_chill]

I have never had a REAL relationship and it’s f-ing hard as an adult to find someone with No friends but feeling so lonely and not knowing where to start with anything.

[@britkarian]

In terms of friends. Most people develop friends after being in a place on a consistent schedule so find a place that you have interest in like clubs, etc and you'd be more likely to find friends. I think friendship is a great place to start. I'm really wishing you the best

[@jordanramsey9164]

Red flag in your friend’s story: “he’s letting her come visit” THE MAN SHOULD BE THE ONE TO MAKE THE TRIP👏🏽👏🏽 The man will put in the effort to court the lady if he’s really into pursuing her. This is natural in nature and it’s human nature as well. The woman should not be chasing ever.

[@art.thomas]

Remi's different tones changed my life! I do have some tones that are triggering now, but I know when someone who I'm close to texts me versus a stranger/ less frequent communicator and I LOVE!!

[@alondraurena_]

Wow, this episode really hit home! ❤ Wish I had heard this over a year ago when I was down bad after a situationship. Def happy I found this podcast, makes me feel like I’m not alone and we all deserve love ❤ Ty Alisha and Remi!

[@kaylapadilla3493]

im recently going through a breakup because my ex cheated on me and this episode just helped me stay strong and realize i deserve so much better and im not wrong for leaving

[@Fringinto]

You deserve a supportive partner who choses you every day!! I wish you all the best and to find this person that will make you feel special!

[@katiemoray5219]

I just went through this and life get so much better now! Give it time and you’ll find your true self. Sending healing vibes your way 💛

[@AllisonRyan-p1f]

Sooo we all needed this right now!?

[@Phd366]

The thing about “situationships” is, you are must likely dating someone with attachment issues. People who want healthy connections would have a clear and forward conversation of what they want and need.

[@5sosgurlypop]

Absolutely loved this episode, I am listening to it coming out of a recent situationship myself. I honestly wish I have listened to my gut more and not turned the blind eye to the red flags. Although i do feel bit embarrassed about it I did learned how to value myself better and understand/accept that I truly deserve better. Parts of this conversation did get me really mad at him and made me wonder how tf I let myself tolerate the disrespect for so long. I really do appreciate yall for opening up this discussion

[@brittanymarie51899]

Still hoping that Alisha and Remi do truth or drinks on this channel or their main KZbin channels especially ones with Oli, Cal, Lauren, Jeremy, Tiffany, Matt, Mia, Ashley, TK, and Taryn 🤞

[@sydneyhamilton8073]

I was in a situationship for about 3 months before I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere, but I fully believe the only reason I was able to leave that situationship so fast was because I met someone else I liked more. He had I have been together for 3 years now

[@aislingsmashling]

the moment you realise the situationship is over is when you come out of therapy to missed calls from them lol

[@sunvavachi]

Lol

[@nicollerochelleofficial]

So F-in true😂

[@mirandalittle38]

The rollercoaster was my 5 years relationship that just ended. It’s so hard to be done but you can only take so much.

[@DorkyDuh]

my situationship was exhausting! Like we were literally doing the bf & gf stuff just not bf & gf. but he would talk to other girls but I WOULDN’T be allowed to talk to other people. omfg. Then i met my now fiancé & I instantly left the situationship bc my fiancé was going above & beyond for me!!

[@saabrizzle]

this episode pulled at my heart because i most definitely went through the WORST situationship, but i am happy to report that i married and have my son. there was a light at the end of my tunnel but i feel for the people who didn’t get the happy ending after!

[@gabbyh121]

REMI READ MY SUBMISSION (HAVING TO STOP REACHING OUT IN ORDER FOR THEM TO NOTICE) IM DEAD 😭😭

[@Scyoyou]

This was the best episode of pretty basic yet!! So candid and real! And a great way to remember we ARE THAT BITCH!! Love you guys!!!

[@pureescape]

One of the most under appreciated and ignored quotes still means more than most - “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”

[@IconVlog.]

I can ALSO tell when my thoughts are anxiety and discernment. I feel like my discernment makes the most sense logically. My anxiety is illogical even tho I can’t see that while having an attack

[@cristinaslovelylife3180]

The timing of this is insane. I was talking to a guy in Georgia and he came and visited me here in Cali and it was perfect and literally broke it off yesterday and we were together but he said since it was at distance it didn't feel real. I'm pissed tbh but I'm a lover, and I want to find someone who is right for me, and I'm not dwelling on another person who doesn't know what they want. I love the advice you guys gave. It definitely helped me today. My heart goes out to your friend she deserves better.

[@sydneyolsha7227]

The amount of light bulb moments I had within this podcast looking back at my previous “relationships”… appalling. Thank you so much for sparking this conversation and opening up about your experiences!! Love you guys❤

[@Cork_xx]

This show is dope. To listen to all these things thru the woman POV

[@deborahriveraleal2753]

This podcast is the only reason I've been looking forward to my 6th shift this week lmao I am barely trying to get back into the dating scene and yalls always come in handy and take your advice like the Bible lol love yall so much

[@paigecurry3244]

Freshly out of a 6 year relationship turned 2 year situationship and honesty haven't felt this genuine in a long time

[@thesandravshow]

It’s so validating that it has a name now! I was in a situationship for almost 2 years. He joined the military and one day he stopped answering my calls and I never heard from him again. I found out from his sister it was because he got engaged. It’s been over a decade so I almost never think about.

[@ElizabethJIsHere]

I heard the text tone tip from Shan Boodram when I was down bad too but because he wouldn't text me but every other two weeks or month I completely turned off all sounds so I could live without any text anxiety. Three years free and I still have them on silence. Living peacefully

[@haleyk7524]

Literally experienced this exact situation, except for the long distance. We met on the apps, spent the whole summer together, but never put a label on it. THEN he decides he needs to heal from his last relationship. However, we still go back and forth with the hot and cold, will they won’t they type stuff and still talk like every day. I finally let it go and make peace with it, decide I deserve more etc, we quit talking…and a week later he comes back acting like he made a mistake. We go back to talking everyday like nothing happened, hook up again, then this man ghosts me! Haven’t talked for a month now. Now the red flags are so so clear! Sucks that this is a universal experience!!!

[@niknik__]

As a fellow late bloomer can I just say we need the merch

[@victorialopuchin6355]

please do a episode about toxic friendships bc it is not talked about enough

[@aleena9221]

I really enjoyed this episode. As someone who (in general) finds it very difficult to open up (especially to friends about relationships) this podcast felt like sitting down with insightful and reflective friends and having them advise me. Please do more episodes like this! Using real life situations or not, the advice was plenty helpful!! 💙

[@IconVlog.]

No I remember when the pod announcement dropped and everyone was pissed it was a podcast but personally I couldn’t wait to hear the boy stories 😂

[@heyitzjustme]

Y’all really know what I need. Impeccable timing. This revived me. 👏

[@am_kaur]

I love waking up to a new video every Wednesday💗

[@beauteefulanomaly]

Loved this episode! So much good advice. Alisha gets so much hate about being single but imo it's bc she has worked to develop her self respect and knows her boundaries! It takes alot of self work to know that and stick to it. I really agree we all have our limit and only you will know when you're done and are ready to accept better

[@sarahpellis3566]

as someone who suffers from being in chronic situationships, I appreciate this episode so much 😂

[@sunvavachi]

The text in the middle was so relatable and it's making me think to just text the guy and say it's better we don't keep in contact. It sucks but I've been in one for years and I feel I'm being hopeful for no reason. I feel I am stronger and want to move on. I'm glad you kept shitting on the guy. People, stop using people and be real!

[@loriannemiller]

Thank you for posting so early today! So excited I can listen on my hour ride home from work 🥰

[@taydream]

Me who is still a late bloomer sitting through this podcast, nodding along and giving my input. 😌 Also, I will buy the merch if y'all make it.

[@melissamcfarlin2318]

Love this one. Wish I had this advice when I was going through my situationship ❤

[@TrinityCarangi]

me screaming at my scream its Hes Just Not That Into You

[@vma77]

I NEED to share this with you and all the girlies cause its goddamn necessary. Buckle up cause it might hurt but again, its NECESSARY. Hearing this is what helped me stop thinking about my situationship IMMEDIATELY. A follow up to Remi saying "They always come back"..well..they dont ever really come back because they love and appreciate you and they realized everything they missed out on. They go where they HAVE ACCESS. Just let that sink in

[@vittoria4913]

Loooved this episode prob because I relate to it so much lol But I really felt that last point Alisha made about being that ‘delulu’ friend who doesn’t judge but is just there for you. Struggling run with a friend who has started ignoring me bc I feel she doesn’t want to hear about my situation or is just judging me for it..🥺😢

[@mateamarie4651]

Wish I could have heard this advice three years ago! Someone needed to tell me this😅thanks ladies!❤️

[@lilysmemorydump1423]

As someone who is still getting over a situation ship this helped sooo much lmfao why did we all go through the same thing 😭

[@megandennis971]

I was in a situationship and my most vivid memory was when he told me he was dying and the he didn’t reply to me for 5 hours and sent pretend texts from his mum saying he was dead. I was at my nephews 5th bday party crying the whole time. I was 13/14 at the time

[@alexismay]

for me I was seeing my (now) boyfriend for 3 months before we started officially dating just because it was my first time dating and I wanted to make sure I 100% wanted to get into a relationship 😅😅 I talked to him tho reassuring him I’m slow and I need time before I decide because he would ask me a lot about what we were and I swear he thought this may lead into a situationship 😭😭 but now we’re almost hitting our 1 year woo

[@Kase1313]

Side note - Alisha’s top is so CUTE 💚

[@mayalowe6953]

I’m so glad that I have this podcast while I’m entering adulthood

[@chelseasjourneyxox6550]

This was one of my favorite episodes!!!! Part two please!!!

[@ChristinaEGK]

I remember being in a situationship years ago and we talked for months and I was waiting for him to be ready to make it official. One day went on facebook and his profile popped up and Lord behold he had just made it official with another girl😂

[@spoiledoatmilk]

the difference between anxiety and intuition (based on my experience): anxiety will eventually settle down intuition will ring like an alarm until you wake up

[@PaulaKristiana]

Omg not Alishas ans Ollies ringtones being my ex boyfriend’s tones🤣🤣🤣🤣 alishas did trigger my fight or flight cuz that guys was wweeeeeiiird as hell. Ollies reminded me of my long term relationship ex boyfriend. But i also have ringtones for all my most frequent contacts- its just soo convenient

[@chelseasjourneyxox6550]

I needed this so bad. I settled and I never should of I love you girlies always reminding us we are worth so much more than we think we are❤❤❤

[@nadiadansani2139]

I had someone that liked me wayyyy more than I liked him. And I didn’t like the power that I had over him

[@TheVeiledPrincess]

I've used the custom notifications for years. I have it for all my close friends

[@ashley_theis]

Fun fact with snap scores - their score goes up when they receive a snapchat too, not just when they send one. So, scores can go up without someone being on Snapchat.

[@NayeliHernandez-cd9im]

my first time watching yall on video in 4 years but a 8 year supporter here!

[@Kat-sf2em]

No literally that’s what my mom would tell me! Be with someone that loves you more than you love them.

[@hB-kh2kq]

Alisha what you shared about knowing the difference between your anxious thoughts and intuition is 100% possible for everyone! Not to plug but also to plug my business, I offer inner voice sessions which is where i help you learn how to connect and communicate with your intuition and go beyond your mind. This helps you learn the difference between the mind and intuition. It’s life changing to know how to go beyond those anxious thoughts and start trusting those instincts x

[@shirleychang4497]

Also note that all rollercoaster comes to an end eventually like a situationship. A relationship is finding someone who WANTS to go back onto the rollercoaster.

[@Akena_alo]

BUT there are some who come back onto the rollercoaster then they dont then they do then they dont so its tough out here

[@IconVlog.]

Situationships are cannon events 😂 I AGREE

[@gracechan8735]

An almost one and a half hr episode of Pretty Basic？Oh yeah~

[@MsPEACE2012]

I immediately clicked because I knew it was going to speak to me as I am going through something similar. I started seeing this guy who about a year ago got out of a seven year relationship. He said he wanted to take his next relationship slow and I completely agree and understand. We started going out beginning of June and last night we went to the drive in and he had his phone connected to his car and I saw two different girl names pop up. He would text someone (or more than one person) throughout the movie and although I understand he wants to take his next relationship slow, I think that after almost five months, there should be a conversation about where we stand. I’m also not trying to pressure this guy but I would like to at least be exclusive. I didn’t ask because I think the answers were right in front of me. So now, I think yeah we can continue seeing each other but if you’re texting other girls in from of me, I can totally see other people. It hurt but in a way it’s frees me of that worry.

[@MsPEACE2012]

Also, I have changed my mentality from “I’m the problem” to “what this guy is doing is unattractive and I don’t want that” and that has helped me soooo much

[@Alejandra-by5lf]

I’ll like to share my personal experience. I was head over heels over a guy. He was consistent and out of nowhere there was a shift. He ghosted me. Clearly I was devastated and I did the worst mistake. I looked for closer and reached out. We gather and found out he does coke.(he pushed back because he knew the persona he showed me wasn’t him and he knew I deserve better) Moral of the story when a guy pushes a way and ghost you. Don’t ever take it personal. It’s not you. It’s them!

[@alysenicole5642]

I love this episode so much!! It’s so relatable it’s crazy 😬 this episode really hits home. Currently healing from one rn 🫣

[@smome777]

I wish i could do Remi's text tones tip. It sounds so cute. Id definitely use more wild sounds howeverrr, I love having my phone on silent.

[@aileentrevino1398]

I used different vibration and text tones! 😭

[@clairetrestrail7876]

I can't not wait for this podcast episode today I love your girls so much 🫶❤️🩵🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

[@jessiesmith3253]

I was in a situationship and we’ve now been together for 7 years and our 2 year wedding anniversary is next week ❤️

[@palomaesparza8015]

Loshhhh I love your blush placement recently it suits you so well!! 💗✨

[@aurianarodriguez8262]

Not me having the same tone for my bf as you do cal!!! Honestly thought changing tones for people was popular lol

[@kittykattrang]

YASSS everything that y’all talked about rang true in my brain!!! No one asked, but: I’m in a happy, 2 year relationship and when I tell youuuuu sisssss. Everything moved fast (I feel like every relationship in/after Covid moved fast), but it was because it was so easy! He never made me feel less than even though he had a big boy job & I was working for a boba shop. When I was in my situationship(s), I always felt the need to beg for attention. I was always kinda hidden, kinda not, but wishy-washy for suresies. Smh boys ain’t shit, but men on the other hand… (TLDR: Ladiessssss, never beg for any man’s attention. It’ll come if it’s meant to be!)

[@deannatorres705]

Ugh fav day of the week now 🥲🥲🥲🤞🏼

[@maraespinoza4496]

They always know!!! I started dating a guy I actually like last October and my situationship (who I hadn't talked to since July 2021) FACEBOOK MESSENGERS ME with "DTF?" I was so confused.

[@tiffany8815]

This episode is the reason why I tell my friends to not do wifey sheet before you get that ring!!

[@mariecote6031]

Alisha literally slaying go off both of you great episode 👏🏻

[@carlasamaniego4181]

We need more episodes like this!!😌

[@christagriffith3652]

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST AND THIS PODCAST HELPED SO MUCH!!!!!

[@chelseasjourneyxox6550]

Also Alisha yes!!!! I love y’all unfiltered !!!

[@lillytalia]

alisha’s reaction at 55:17 is so funny haha

[@AdeolaAsh]

Remi switching up the game 🤭 definitely using that text tone tip

[@SelenaMarrie]

Thanks ladies… much needed to hear all your advices… ILYSM!! 🥰🤗

[@vanamaniatis4492]

LOVE THESE LONG PODCAST 📻 do more please xoxo

[@555-h1u]

this has got to be one of my favorite episodes, feels like having a girl talk with your closest friends🫶🫶

[@AlexiaDesiree]

I literally have never had a “situationship” happen before

[@AstridPizarro]

I needed this episode, I’m glad this topic came up

[@courtneycampbell6895]

thank you for the free therapy session

[@niknik__]

PLEASE do another episode like this!!