Prometheus - The Franchise Killer

This is a review I've wanted to do for a while. Prometheus was a total disaster of a movie that effectively killed any chance of the Alien franchise returning to form, and it's time to tear it apart.

[@TheCriticalDrinker]

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[@humanbeing_]

The Critical Drinker I don't unstandard why everyone shits all over this movie. Yeah, I suppose if you watch it as an extension of the Alien franchise, sure... And Alien v Predator; yeah, total shit. Okay. All that being said, I liked this movie. I enjoyed it. Plot holes and all. I just enjoyed the movie. Simply, because I had no expectations whatsoever. I saw it in theaters actually. And during the first viewing, until well into the movie, I had no idea it WAS in fact an extension of the Alien franchise. I was never a huge follower of the Alien movies, so all of the subtle nuggets and Easter eggs, etc, went over my head. I never connected the dots until probably the last 20 minutes. But regardless of all that, it's just a movie right? I mean, the point of movies is entertainment, is it not? I've watched it many times. And I still enjoy it. Granted, there are absolutely some very terrible plot 'twists' (if you can call them that) and weird story directions, so, I'll give you all that. For sure. But.... Again. I don't think it's THAT bad of a movie. I'd give it a 6 out of 10. Or 3 of 5 stars. However, if I play along and and view the movie as the franchise, then okay; 3 out of 10 or 1.5 of 5 stars. Sidenote: I just found your channel yesterday via the (newest) Predator movie review. That review way spot-on! 👍 Subscribed to your channel today 😬 Cheers, -H.B.

[@jeremycline3359]

Calls to Action make me wish downvotes still mattered.

[@eznosnopes5276]

This summary was actually better than the movie.

[@andrews6899]

saving for speech therapy?

[@drmachinewerke1]

San I send drugs or alcohol 🍷

[@EvilExcalibur]

My favorite part of the movie is that the cartographer is the first to get lost, the biologist is the one that wants to touch an alien life form with no protective gear, testing or study and the leader refuses to lead. Absolutely beautiful.

[@WaterspoutsOfTheDeep]

It's a concept birthed by people with the same iq that say things like "trust the science" while simultaneously willingly being ignorant of it. It's a perfect reflection on how devolved society is becoming.

[@TrickOrRetreat]

Prometheus was a shit show in stupidity.

[@grifis1979]

This looks like an aggressive display. Let's touch it.

[@MizzzFizzz]

@@WaterspoutsOfTheDeep I dont get why movies are so shit though, theres so many people that would be writing incredible peices of work, and all the money in movies, why are they so bad now?

[@WaterspoutsOfTheDeep]

@@MizzzFizzz woke liberal bullshit to start.

[@borisdorofeev5602]

Oh and don't forget about her having a c section with the abdominal muscles cut through and then stapled together. Then 5 seconds later she's jumping around like nothing happened.

[@kishisetasama]

THIS!

[@ToxicBastard]

Apparently giving birth to a writhing squid alien is easier than a normal human infant.

[@whipasnaper]

Mustard Bastard aliens don't bare the sin on man

[@borisdorofeev5602]

What a horrible mother though. She gives birth to a beautiful baby squid and just runs away. It might be postpartum depression but to abandon her child during its first moments.

[@tarron3237]

Magic Fairy Dust!

[@VinceP1974]

I'll never get over how after Shaw has her episode in the surgery machine and is covered in goo and struggling to walk in the ship, no one asks her what the hell happened to her

[@stopthephilosophicalzombie9017]

Exactly. Perfect representation of the feckless,, retarded crew of Prometheus. They should have renamed this film Ship of Fools.

[@jonmccauley6490]

"Abortion is a personal sensitive issue and her right!" That's why.

[@VinceP1974]

@@jonmccauley6490 Ah! So they were just being respectful while she's limping along the hallways, dripping in blood, ooze, and alien slime and high AF on drugs. Makes sense!

[@Vicus_of_Utrecht]

@@VinceP1974 Yes lol

[@VinceP1974]

@@Vicus_of_Utrecht They didn't want to Abdominal Obstruction Removal Shame her. So progressive!

[@peakdennis1]

"But then it all goes wrong and they both lie down for a while" in such a patronising tone never fails to crack me up.

[@kingbaby8761]

They were all tuckered out after playing with that friendly space cobra.

[@jek9911]

​@@kingbaby8761vagina snake

[@gigachad-vk8jo]

​@@kingbaby8761😢9😊

[@XxHarambexX]

@@kingbaby8761I think you mean alien vagina snake

[@kupaN9]

Prometheus was a master class in meta horror. Watching a character you have emotional investment in die leaves an impact, but watching a beloved childhood franchise die is a whole other level.

[@zarasbazaar]

I was wondering where you were going with that first sentence.

[@Leldy]

They had us in the first half, not gonna lie

[@Cardinalbins]

Alien didn't die, it got revived

[@buniesinfernal7979]

@@Cardinalbins we bash it cuz its shite mate

[@thatkidoverthere5750]

They had us in the firat half not going to lie

[@escalatingbarbarism5096]

When the cave scientist with cave-mapping robots got lost in that very uncomplicated cave, I lost faith in cinema as a medium.

[@starwarsroo2448]

Pops, my pops

[@Jin-Ro]

You're a medium? Can you contact me mam?

[@darkwing5458]

How do you know the cave was uncomplicated? In your own house if you afraid eg fire just like most people you will get disoriented,lost and die from smoke inhalation. So in a creepy alien cave....you can never get lost.

[@r_r_rye2441]

They did the laser scan mapper because they thought it would look cool and dazzle the rubes who saw their movie, then they had them get lost for a typical horror trope. And never did continuity enter the equation.

[@absentehhh8263]

This was time I went to movies

[@CyrilGazengel]

The funniest moments in that thing is when the captain, facing a post prod added 3D hologram detailed map with shining dots corresponding to his crew positions, is first asking in his communication : "where are you ?"

[@TheGuy030770]

Did anyone else notice that the Prometheus just happened to approach the planet exactly, precisely where the engineers were? What are the chances of that?

[@superintelligentapefromthe121]

The Luke-Yoda-Dagobah Conundrum.

[@gregsquires6201]

​@superintelligentapefromthe121 at least with Star Wars you can blame the force guiding Luke's instincts or something. In Prometheus there's no excuse, but the rest of the movie is so full of problems this relatively minor problem gets overlooked.

[@gregsquires6201]

@@daisy9181 Enough people complain about it that it’s not as obvious as you think. Like I said, this is a minor point compared to the rest of the problems, but I’ve heard lots of people defend Prometheus, saying the various problems makes sense if you know the background lore, or have seen the director’s commentary, or make certain assumptions, etc. The fact is that the movie did a poor job of story telling if you need a bunch of external information and assumptions for it to make sense. They could have added a 2 second line, “Scanners have detected a structure…” or whatever which would have explained it, but they didn’t.

[@deskmat9874]

Stop trying to explain it, there is no logical explanation, as the story is so poor that there was likely no thought even put into it

[@mysticone1798]

I think they followed a signal from the planet....

[@nickswanson6672]

Legit feels like I'm being explained the plot by a guy at the end of the bar. Well done.

[@pacman5511]

Fr I like it

[@scrappydoo7887]

Hes absolutely excellent 🤣

[@caderlocke8869]

End of the bar at the end of the night lol

[@cnlbenmc]

A drunk Scottsman at that.

[@bonk695]

This guy sounds like hes jaw is locked tho xD

[@jakefrost7404]

_Number-One Rule of Cosmic Horror: _*_"A good mystery always trumps a lousy answer."_*

[@dosmastrify]

New usage for trump =fuck Use differently Like shut the trump up :D As for what to replace it with in your sentence... Uh... Idk... Lol

[@NicholasBrakespear]

@@dosmastrify ...what are you talking about? Why are you trying to change the meaning of the word trump? I am confused.

[@dakkahead517]

@@NicholasBrakespear just someone trying to politicize a word, where people were having a regular discussion. Dont feed into it.

[@dosmastrify]

@@NicholasBrakespear well if you like the guy I could see waiting to maintain the current usage. But if you don't like him why should his name mean "better than"?

[@dosmastrify]

@@dakkahead517 hahah trying to politicize a word which is the name of a politician. Well mission accomplished on that before I even tried!

[@lance7607]

When I read that Ridley Scott was returning to direct another Alien movie I was so excited. I followed every bit of news about the production that I could find. And then I learned that Damon Lindelof had gotten involved in the writing, and I thought, "Oh no." But it wasn't just Lindelof's incompetence as a hack writer, it was sadly Ridley himself. I don't understand how you can go from directing one of the most successfully mysterious films about something truly alien and then return to dumb it all down, explain all the mystery, and worse--make it all so disappointingly human-centric. However, I do think the franchise started down this road with James Cameron's sequel. In the original film, we don't know what this alien thing is. We have no context for it, no explanation for it, no origin story, nothing. It's just this incredibly hostile, repulsive, strangely intelligent and apparently sadistic thing that humans unfortunately happen to stumble across. In Aliens, James Cameron starts us on this road of explaining everything by using the bug metaphor for the alien. It lives in hives, these things are just worker drones, they serve a queen--just like ants and bees! And just like that you've tarnished the mystery.

[@TY-km8hj]

Pretty fair opinion, tho I disagree with aliens, imo that expanded the alien IP in a good way. I also acc think that if the original prometheud script was followed taking away the mystery could've worked, all the tools are there but lindelof and the studio fucled it all up sadly. At this point we just got a film on David

[@samr.england613]

After enduring this awful film, I told everybody that it was (past) time for Ridley Scott to be put out to pasture. But a great director can't do anything with a completely inept and inane "story". I'm surprised Scott accepted the awful script. But again, he needs to retire.

[@samr.england613]

Great point about the dumbing-down and explaining all the mystery, and of course, the engineers "made us". Oh God, how ridiculous! And you're right about Cameron starting the explaining. The original was a sublime work of cinematic fine art, and none of the sequels, including 'Aliens' compares. The original left much to the imagination, but I guess the PowersThatBe in Hollywood assume the audiences no longer have an imagination, the PTB's seem not to. In my mind, the space jockey and his (crew? How do we know there was a crew?) succumbed to the Xenomorph in much the same way as the Nostromo did. Remember when Lambert says, "I wonder what happened to the rest of the crew? But there was only one, because there was no 'crew', like on a human ship, so the lone-drone morphed into a queen and laid all those eggs that Kane found. Meanwhile, the space jockey had been there for centuries, possibly millennia, until discovered by the Nostromo crew. How did the Xenomorph get on the alien ship? Oh, that's right, the engineers "made" the Xenomorph too! You're so right man, what a bunch of crud!

[@zbelair7218]

Scott didn't write Alien. As you did, he directed it..... that's why.

[@samr.england613]

@@zbelair7218 Yeah. We know Scott didn't write it. And even if he did, he'd probably shy away from taking credit for such an awfully bad story.

[@PunmasterSTP]

Damn, this movie and Covenant made me think of how smart the leader in Sphere was when he told the crew he wasn't sure about the atmosphere so the masks needed to stay on. And ironically I think the air in the ship they were exploring was actually safe.

[@anubusx]

Alien and Sphere are quite similar.

[@PunmasterSTP]

@@anubusx I can see the similarities, and I liked both movies!

[@anubusx]

@@PunmasterSTP Sphere is way better than Prometheus.

[@PunmasterSTP]

@@anubusx I haven’t actually seen Covenant, though I bet I’d agree 👍

[@Ammoniumbicarbonat]

Then there's Covenant: "In space, no one can hear you cringe"

[@KnuxligerKnux]

Well, cringing may actually be better since I fell asleep during Prometheus.

[@RSPropMastersTV]

@AD 2385 Yep, Covenant killed what Prometheus started.

[@egghidmytrix]

I honestly don’t get the hate for covenant, sure it wasn’t on par with alien and aliens but both Prometheus are step ups from 3 and resurrection(to be honest I haven’t even seen resurrection just looked at a bunch of reviews and just figured it wasn’t worth my time...)

[@vinceA3748]

In space, no one can hear you scream for a refund.

[@ShamblesMD]

@AD 2385 at least some of the comics were good. Too bad they didn't use them for the sequels.

[@williampitt1537]

"Where a giant squid makes violent one-side love to the bodybuilder" The best line.

[@jasoncrandall5320]

The full-body face hugger was disturbing

[@comic_wingding]

Out of context sounds like a hentai lol

[@stantheman9072]

Yeah, and second place goes to, “It’s like trying to find a gender studies graduate that weighs less than a metric ton.” L-O-freakin-L!

[@Kyle-sr6jm]

Can we get 90 minutes of just this?

[@pieceofschmidtgamer]

@@comic_wingding It basically _is_ a hentai.

[@adamscotkearns]

Prometheus will always be dear to my heart because it's the first movie I can recall getting angry at and screaming at the TV, no movie has done that to me before

[@gigabytes5955]

because you didn't understand it.

[@isakmloyeni920]

did you see alien covenant?

[@silver1340]

Same here buddy. I reach the levels of anger never though possible with the hard-R "scientists" that got ended by the snake-alien thing, all because one of them wanted to pet it. But the biggest bullshit came from the fact, that original script was of much better quality along with religious tones. All of that got scrapped for the sake of "ambiguity" much like what 2001: Space Odyssey did. Change the script until none know what the hell is going on.

[@J_B17]

It’s weird because the snake scene could easily have written it so that the snake attacked them without them aggravating it. They are trapped in the room, the snake appears first wriggling before the surface, they freak out when they see it and try and get out but the door is locked and it gets them. Much more scary and what would actually happen. Despite the flaws of the film I actually really enjoyed it for the visuals, tone, tension, score and the overall idea of the engineers, who they were, did they create us etc. it is weird that there is so much stuff that is either silly, makes no sense, creates more questions that don’t get answered. Even WEIRDER that covenant abandoned following up on most of the plot and just did a slasher film so we’ll never get answers to things that were set up. Very interesting to look back at retrospectively.

[@khazzen]

Ohh yes! The best kind of scientists in movies: the stupid ones.

[@drgetwrekt869]

stoopid

[@clearlywrong6520]

“Why do we have to wear these ridiculous ties?!”

[@tomtom34b]

The smart scientists stay in their office and do some calculations, lol.

[@onlyonewhyphy]

They were selected by Vickers. She wanted the mission to fail. She selected stupid scientists. Still, stupid idea.

[@MediumRareOpinions]

"I like rocks" Genuine dialogue from a scientist in a high budget major studio release...

[@ImaginaShip]

If Prometheus was the franchise killer, Covenant pooped on its corpse.

[@davidr3857]

More likely sat and shat on its face.

[@hugomendes655]

Teabaged it....

[@brucechamberlin2545]

How can a complete piece of shit take a poop?

[@planetschlock]

I can kind of have fun with Prometheus but Covenant had zero redeeming qualities as a film. It came off like such a loosely plotted, rushed, disjointed mess that it barely even felt like I was watching a real movie.

[@BigDaddy_MRI]

Jimkirk80 Dude. You got that right. That was a waste of time that I’ll never get back. Jeez....

[@kevint1719]

My first question is why is the technology seemingly light years ahead of the technology in the Alien movies, which are set decades or centuries later? Didn't anybody think to say, "Hang on, shouldn't we try for some sort of continuity here?"

[@zbelair7218]

Cuz time is linear and fiction isn't. We have better tech to be making kovies with, if they had it back then, you can bet they'd have gone all out with the tech and effects.

[@LockyOnYT]

They really just made it look so generic sci fi as well. Using the technology of the original movies could have made for some unique visuals with CRTs and such.

[@milanondrak5564]

The Prometheus itself doesn't fit with IP either. This is supposed to be a prequel and yet the Prometheus is a more technologically advanced spaceship than those used by the military further down the timeline by many decades.

[@user-lc8im5iu3i]

its called staying current to modern trends. 57 years and aliens tech to alien tech has moved on wouldnt you say? scott created a new timeline to account for real time evolves

[@milanondrak5564]

@@user-lc8im5iu3i In 57 years tech would look and function better plus in Aliens Sulaco was a military vessel so it would look different. Trouble is the Prometheus just looks out of place to be a prequel in that timeline.

[@milanondrak5564]

@@user-lc8im5iu3i My point is that in the timeline the Prometheus looks too advanced when compared to the Nostromo and Sulaco to be a prequel vessel. It feels inconsistent.

[@user-lc8im5iu3i]

@@milanondrak5564 yes but the tech in alien/aliens was set in the infancy of digital tech. try showing todays audiences with their iphones a movie like that and it will bore them. scott has tried to keep the franchise current. i think a timeline after alien3 would have been better but they went for pre equals. prometheus & covenant are decent films that were interesting the engineer story could have been woven in after alien 3, but they didnt choose that road. but that doesnt take anything away from them being good SF movies.

[@michaelbuick6995]

The part where the biologist tries to pet the snake is where I mentally checked out of this movie. I don't care how dumb or learning disabled you are, if you come face to face with a beefy hissing space cobra, your first instinct is not going to be to pet it. I can overlook plot contrivances or character decisions made for the sake of keeping things moving, but when they're not even acting like functional human beings that's just too big of an ask from the writers for me to buy into.

[@robicenco1]

That bit is like the companion piece of the main guy (can't even remember his name) being a sulk because despite making the most amazing scientific discovery in the history of mankind it isn't quite what he wanted. Stupid, stupidly written characters, doing and saying stupid things. Shame on the idiots who wrote this thing and ruined what could have been a great film.

[@diavolorosso69]

Same here, but even more grating is that we see this same type of stupidity over & over in so many movies.....

[@AndrewThoesen]

Vagina Cobra: *hisses violently* Biologist who probably holds a PhD: Ah a friendly native

[@catsooey]

That’s when the suspension of disbelief falls off the mountain like Stallone’s partner in Cliffhanger.

[@kruuuser]

Same here, except I actually switched the TV off at that point, because of the utter stupidity of the act, and never looked at the film again until today's visit with the Drinker, who confirmed that I had made the right decision !

[@josephalcindor61]

“Idris Elba, who’s spends most of the movie looking like he doesn’t care or know why he’s here” THANK YOU, I genuinely was having a hard time wondering if his character was written like that or if he was lowkey pissed off at having to be apart of this movie

[@jimbobeire]

He's supposed to be bad at his job, it's part of the plot. He only cares about getting paid and getting laid. If he was competent and had any other job offers he would have signed up for a different mission, rather than the Weyland mystery tour. "Sign up now, and in 2 years time we'll tell you what you just signed up for".

[@mazdamundi1768]

I forgot he was even in this fucking movie

[@hiamaraldvaan7221]

Janek was from Poland. That can explain that a little :D

[@mrkeogh]

He was having a right laugh. I reckon he knew the script was shite and decided to have fun instead.

[@CordellPotts]

When you learn that half the problems with the Dark Tower's main character were decisions made by the actor who played him, like not wanting to wear a cowboy hat, which was an important tool to Roland.... You also learn Idris has no interest in correctly portraying the character he's been hired to play. He's not an actor, he's just some dude folks like to look at.

[@Trijucre]

The amount of times I watched this review is more than the actual movie (which is weird since I am a huge Alien fan)

[@Moscoe...]

CD is pretty addictive

[@Finess3_King]

I’ve come back to this video every single day for the past two weeks. 😂

[@Moscoe...]

@@Finess3_King are you the guy from the recent super chat catch-up that's been binge watching CD'S for the past 2 weeks

[@Pao19088]

I was dating a girl for about 4 months when this movie came out. She had a hardon for David Fincher films, and the Alien franchise. She was so pumped about this movie. So obviously we go see it. She was enamoured with the film. I didn't think it was that good, and I critiqued how the story didn't make sense. I even showed her the RLM Prometheus question video. She absolutely HATED that I didn't think the movie was 110% fantastic. She broke up with me soon after because of it.

[@thelemetric]

polar opposite for me. we stepped out of the cinema and I kind of tried finding some good spots to bring up, coping as a ridley fan. "it was just shit" my then gf said. married her, she still has the no BS attitude.

[@bhurzumii4315]

There is Alien and there's Aliens. End of franchise.

[@planetschlock]

Some of the Dark Horse comics were good (Labyrinth, the first AvP miniseries), but on film, the franchise was indeed dead with Aliens.

[@darthkek1953]

@ObsidianSpectre I don't know about lore, but the Jaguar version of Aliens v Predator was amazing.

[@1tmildew]

But WAiT! Disney plans to remake it all now! Hide your Alien and Aliens hardcopies lads, so the Firemen don't erase them from existence after rewriting the series into having a Mary Sue protagonist and other SJW poisons

[@erikwilliams1562]

I’ll still defend A3, was still kinda scary good acting and yeah, no happy endings!

[@timmholl9238]

THIS. And only this.

[@thatrandomguycommenting1261]

"But then it all goes wrong and they both lie down for a while" 🤣

[@seen921]

Probably how it was written in the script ...

[@teacherfromthejungles6671]

true story. happens to me every time at the parties.

[@TheMustachioedJames]

Completely agree. I will say, I think the point of the Engineer's rage when they woke him up was that the humans they produced hadn't evolved past their lust for their own individual lives, and the fact they made a simulacrum/android of a form the engineers felt had some sort of virtue or divinity to it. I think he is meant to take a look at humans and view them as a failed experiment/infestation of the world, and potentially the cosmos. That's my theory, anyway, since all I'm left with are theories. Prometheus spends all its screen time stomping around in stoner intellectualism like a child trying on his Dad's shoes, too naive and underdeveloped to really occupy the role.

[@user-lc8im5iu3i]

totally wrong did you even watch the start of the film? the engineer was being abandoned to die on earth by way of the nano ooze he drank from the cup (the beaker people nod cup)...... he was somehow defective or in disgrace so he was made to self terminate.

[@TheMustachioedJames]

@@user-lc8im5iu3i There was literally nothing to indicate the first engineer was doing anything beyond what he did: Provide the basis for the evolution of life on earth. They literally call him The Engineer, so I assume, engineer that I am myself, he's engineering something. They didn't call him The Penetant or The Defective, they called him The Engineer. Engineers do calculated things purposefully, they are employed specifically to avoid random accidents and unintentional byproducts of a given endeavor.

[@user-lc8im5iu3i]

"we were wrong we were sooo wrong" what do you think of the opening of prometheus? do you think the dna destroying fluid (the nano virus) he drank and the survival of part of his dna meant anything?

[@TheMustachioedJames]

Yes, I think it meant the eventual creation of humankind, and the Engineers, for whatever reasons, don't like their creation when they encounter it. I don't really know why, I can only guess at what's going on, because there's not enough on the screen to draw any kind of conclusion about the Engineers and what they were up to, what motivated them, why they seem so noble and selflessly devoted to life on earth and at the same time, so hateful of its offspring, why they are portrayed so "above it all" and, at the same time, given to fits of very human-looking rage....@@user-lc8im5iu3i

[@TheMustachioedJames]

Why do you think that was, was it intentional that these Engineers, supposedly so advanced and selflessly devoted to science and the flourishing of life that they'd readily perform ritual seppuku in order to advance life on a barren planet, are ALSO given to fits of murderous, savage rage that compels them to tear a life form limb to limb bare-handed upon encountering it? Does the supposedly advanced society that produces one produce the other? Maybe it does, but I'd like to hear the explanation, sounds interesting. But I'm left to just wonder, right? I'm supposed to fill in the fantastic story myself, and just bask in the visions left on the screen. But they don't make sense, there's nothing really there. There are a million possible explanations for the Engineer's actions, at least several of them are cool as hell and would be a great plot for a movie, but too bad, so sad, that movie doesn't exist.

[@szaboattila844]

The aging of Guy Pierce (aka Weyland) had a logic: he initially had a scene where he was younger, but all the sequences (with Guy Pierce at 45) were deleted from the final theatrical version.

[@Sillimant_]

the only alien bodybuidler they see immediately tries to kill them all "LeT's gO To tHeiR plaNeT" ladies and gentlemen, cinema

[@teacherfromthejungles6671]

it's not even a videogame kind of logic. it takes the stakes to a whole new level

[@GeorgeMonet]

I took that to mean that they were going to go destroy the alien bodybuilders.

[@starkillersneed]

That's the one part that made sense to me. I, too, become genocidally psychotic when I'm having a nice sleep and some rude asshole wakes me up

[@jimbobeire]

You have to understand Shaw's motivation. She's a Karen. She had an assumption (incorrect) about what she would find, and she didn't get the answers that fit what she 'chooses to believe' , so now she 'wants a word with their manager'.

[@raiden_187]

I think it's just her motivation and she gave her life for it and wants answers

[@bpb210]

Yeah, the biologist immediately wanting to "pet" the completely undiscovered alien creature is...the defining point of no return in this movie.

[@hotdog9262]

almost like stupidity is not a common human trait

[@workhorse7134]

Don't ever go full ret.... censored.

[@dannuttle9005]

I think it happened before that. The head "scientist" deciding he's going to remove his helmet, over the stident warnings of others. Then they shrug and do the same thing.

[@christianterrill3503]

@@workhorse7134it's OK you can say it. Say it with me.... retarded

[@calyxxx]

Was gonna say the helmets coming off was hard enough but then when He stroked the snake ffs

[@Joshthom321]

I laughed so hard during this review. Clearly, one of your best!

[@unlisted773]

That is the 20 best minutes I've spent on KZbin. Great job, my friend! Freaking hilarious!

[@CatDadThings]

“But it all goes wrong and they both lay down for a while” That one had me rolling 😂

[@iim4xii129]

Rolling in your flab and feces? We know.

[@SuicidalSummerSnowWoman]

as alive as old people can be i suppose😆😆😆😆😆

[@galil_6863]

"It's like the editor got coked out of his mind and just jammed it in wherever he felt like it... But haven't we all, mate?" That's the best one 😂

[@kirschitz64]

"They stick a power plug in its ear and bring it back to life, because I guess that's a thing you can do with a decapitated head" This is gold

[@jimbobeire]

Hey, if Dr. Frankenstein could do it...

[@texasbeast239]

If Murdock could jumpstart a van with a defibrillator...

[@jimbobeire]

But it was a deliberate reference to Frankenstein. The novel's full title is " Frankenstein : A Modern Prometheus " , written by Mary Shelley, published in 1818, the same month her husband's poem _Ozymandias_ was published... which David quotes in _Covenant_ .

[@SvenTviking]

I forgot that! The genuinely needed to shout “IT’S ALIVE!!”

[@jimbobeire]

@@SvenTviking before she sticks the electric prod in its brain she says "perhaps we can trick it into thinking it's alive"

[@justsomeguywithagoatee8337]

7:49 someone please explain how Shaw has her stomach c-sectioned and can actually run moments after. Even with adrenaline, I don't think the cut muscles could support that activity (it takes 6 weeks on average just to recover enough to do basic daily activities, you're not sprinting for months after).

[@EmergencyChannel]

Magic future drugs, obviously. This movie has so many plot holes and things that make no sense that her c-section is not even in the top 10 for unbelievable things.

[@zbelair7218]

Space robo-doctor magic, my man.

[@TheSoulCrisis]

Lmao my girl asked me the same thing! xD

[@SpartanHighKing14]

"Trying to pick apart this plot is like trying to find a gender-study graduate who weighs less than a metric ton" - This has to be the most savage thing I've ever heard. I still can't stop laughing as I'm typing this.

[@xKynOx]

The scientists in Covenant make the ones from Prometheus look like members of the Manhattan project.

[@puffball4484]

as soon as they took their helmets off I turned the movie off.

[@STOCKHOLM07]

@@puffball4484 In Covenant they don't even bother with helmets.

[@rhydianbanner3590]

In covenant there's some leeway as they arrive on a planet with a functioning biosphere. In Prometheus, the air is unbreathable except inside the building. They don't find the source of the air, have never found alien artifacts before and the first thing they do is trust in the air and pollute the scene with microbes. The scientists then find a head that is thousands of years old and immediately perform experimental techniques on it. They find a complete soft tissue filled head. No brain scans, barely any samples taken. They don't even try to find out what is causing the discolouration that is growing in front of their eyes. If we somehow found a perfectly preserved head of a caveman it would be treated like the holy grail of anthropology and more care would be taken with it than any priceless painting. It's a film that truly does not understand the sci part of scifi

[@puffball4484]

@@rhydianbanner3590 yeah but it doesn't matter that covenant planet has a functioning biosphere. they have no idea what kinds of viruses live on that planet and what's the first thing that happens to that girl? she gets infected by a virus.

[@oregonflatland]

The guy in the wheelchair in Resurrection had more depth than every character in Covenant combined.

[@indiecomicsjones]

Hey, this alien animal looks just like a Cobra. I'm going to pet it!

[@winterknight4307]

Its a Cobra but with a pussy for a head

[@LordWyatt]

I’m gonna lick it and hope it gets me high

[@WH17Y]

@@winterknight4307 So a deadly poisonous snake with a vagina... Do you think maybe that was as close as that guy had ever gotten to a woman?

[@winterknight4307]

@@WH17Y lol yeah I think so 😂😂I mean he was interested into it so yeah 😂

[@indiecomicsjones]

@Linda Niemkiewicz I hear you. I'd be running out of that cave while looking for a weapon at the same time.

[@comicbookchris3509]

I have a full sleeve alien tattoo, put on 30 years ago, based on the first movie, that tells you some about me. I really looked forward to Ridley Scott coming back. I'm glad I saw Prometheus via an illegal download as I didn't have to pay for the trash it is. As CT said, just keep the franchise formula simple movie after movie; Humans encounter Alien (s). Humans and Alien(s) fight, Humans win (and can lose sometimes).

[@bloodmooncomix457]

12:22 "From a baby squid into Cthulhu" Your humor is as dry as gold dust! 👊🤣x3

[@redpillnibbler4423]

Horny Crhulhu out to get him some from smoooth albino body builder 😍

[@ARuiz-eu3hk]

Remember! Scott was the Director. Not the WRITER of the first alien movie. Always keep that in mind.

[@vilefly]

Nay, my lad. A captain goes down with the ship. He knew the ship was broken, but came aboard anyways to steer the bastard off the edge of the world for his retirement pay. What a bastard. I'll never forgive him for this cash-grab.

[@ianallen738]

Dude, his point is that Scott shouldn't get all the credit for Alien and if he had been allowed to write it, it would have bombed as bad as Prometheus. So in other words, it's actually not surprising or shocking that he could direct an amazing film like Alien and still drop such a massive stinking turd as Prometheus.

[@vilefly]

@@ianallen738 Well, he DID get rid of anyone who slightly disagreed with him before Prometheus was filmed. I blame him for that.....and its consequences. A bunch of yes-men surrounding a film never works out. Alien had a bunch of independent thinkers working together to create a film. He listened then because he had no clout to hire and fire at will. That is what made it shine. It was hard work. This pattern of behavior amongst older directors and actors is getting repetitious. Putting the right team together is rather important, whether the producers or the directors do it. I never credited Ridley with all the credit for writing anything, since I know it is a team effort.

[@premiermalvado]

@@vilefly and he did it again with Covenant

[@vilefly]

@@premiermalvado Ya bloody well right.

[@SheldonAdama17]

There’s a reason why CinemaSins calls it “the Prometheus school of running away from things”

[@Drewbreesboss9]

Don’t hop on the bandwagon. Prometheus was as good as the first Alien movie, I say that objectively not biased and nostalgic based like you

[@szechuon6971]

@@Drewbreesboss9 TBF, It's no different than saying someone who can't hit what they're aiming at went to the Storm Trooper Academy of Marksmanship from Star Wars. Both movies can be good but have dumb moments like that. :-) Or another one - when someone lies about being a victim of a hate crime, they went to the Jussie Smollet University of Victimhood.

[@nagoranerides3150]

@@Drewbreesboss9 You have poor critical faculties.

[@Drewbreesboss9]

@@szechuon6971 nooo the Star Wars sequels were horrible I agree there. I’m just saying Prometheus is incredible and same with Alien Covenant. They both have incredible effects and an amazing story of space exploration kind of like interstellar

[@little_hunt3r]

@@Drewbreesboss9 it was shit

[@ElHombreGato]

God I'm so happy i found this channel. Such a good critic channel!

[@stanzonal]

Love your channel, feels like I'm listening to a guy at the bar dropping facts and im happy to listen to something besides news, sports, or work.... much appreciated.

[@CopiousDoinksLLC]

Single decapitated alien body lying on the ground? "Fuck this, back to the ship!" Horrifying worm-snake making threatening gestures toward you? "Let's not freak out, Imma try and pet it"

[@comedyoferrors77]

Keep in mind that the asshat trying to pet the vag snake is a fkn biologist. But somehow he doesn’t recognize threatening animal behavior.

[@ThiefOfNavarre]

@@comedyoferrors77 It's hard work to keep up with the inconsistencies 😒🥃

[@SvenTviking]

“Vagina faced snake”.

[@onastick2411]

Worth mentioning i was a Single decapitated alien bodies dessicated body lying on the ground, that had been there for hundreds if not thousands of years.

[@mikedown1250]

@@comedyoferrors77 you could imagine that the whole trip was just to save Weyland and he roped in the worst people because he didn't care. That's what i did.

[@MattJunewski]

To add a fun fact for ya, there's also character inconsistency: -two or three guys who appear in the dining scene and briefing and are never seen again (those two guys in uniforms and caps sitting next to David during the briefing) -those two mechanics who havent appeared on the briefing or anywhere before and were just added there for the kill count - and the one mercenary killed by axe in the back from Geologist mutant, who later appears standing next to old weyland on the ship, even tho he was killed before, and then dissapears, never to be seen again.

[@tommyh5540]

All very logical and well-considered by the brilliant script writers and senile director.

[@3eyedmotherfucker953]

They were ghosts!!!1!

[@proto-geek248]

That fact wasn't fun at all.

[@alkohallick2901]

*dining

[@MattJunewski]

@@alkohallick2901 oh yeah, thank you for the correction :)

[@noopSiesNife]

I know I’m very late, but I enjoyed this movie because I hadn’t seen the previous movies. It’s not a bad stand alone movie, but with the lore, it’s not great

[@SpiceAndSauce]

Prometheus had so much potential, that’s why it hurts.

[@VanWelij]

Aliens is one of those rare movies. Even 25 years later I still get nervous when I watch it, even if I already know what's going to happen. I legitimately feel exhausted once the credits roll, and that's a compliment.

[@JacobGrim]

Alien, or Aliens?

[@VanWelij]

@@JacobGrim Aliens.

[@JacobGrim]

@@VanWelij I agree 100%

[@degs24]

To this day, Aliens is one of my favorite films. Alien is excellent too, but I didn’t grow up with that one so it doesn’t hold the same place in my heart.

[@carlodave9]

That's exactly how I feel about the head-hunters episode of Gilligan's Island.

[@andrewpotapenkoff7723]

Alien is good not because of Ridley Scott, but because of the story writers and H.R. Giger. The concept of the movie was created before they found the director to film it. And by some reasons Scott took all the credit of the movie's success and therefore he decided he can do anything with the franchise.

[@namelessjedi2242]

Bingo.

[@polaroidsofpolarbears365]

If it wasn't for H.R. Giger, the alien movies would be another set of movies you'd find in the lesser known scifi movies.

[@davidrobert1229]

he was the director thats why he gets the credit

[@fidelio9301]

Then James Cameron then made his own action version which was less giger and more sci fi but it was still great, imagine how good Prometheus and covenant would be if giger and the old writers did it

[@fox2569]

David Robert The script is the backbone of any film.

[@markkramer5740]

I can name one other good thing that came out of it. During the scene, when they are running from the crashing alien ship, Charlize Theron (who was a regular and fairly heavy smoker) found that her lungs had degraded to the point that she'd could barely run 10 yards without a wheezing fit.* Yes, she was wearing boots that weighed 30 pounds but this was still a massive wake-up call. Coming face-to-face with the direct repercussions of her smoking habit, Charlize largely (a relapse in 2015 when she and Sean Penn broke up) kicked her smoking habit. As such, I can credit Prometheus with extending her life and that is a good thing. *For those of you wondering why they kept cutting between angles.....now you know.

[@redpillnibbler4423]

You made that up!

[@markkramer5740]

Google is your friend.

[@namelessjedi2242]

Explaining where the Aliens came from is like explaining why Highlander had immortals. It ruins the mystery and charm and was never needed or wanted.

[@blakerackley8874]

This killed the Alien franchise? It was already dead, Scott just failed to resurrect it properly...it's just a zombie now.

[@Chamieiniibet]

There was a revival chance with Blomkamp as the director. The project was planned out, had some script outlines and he even posted some cool concept arts in his twitter, IIRC. But it was sacked when Scott decided to take a shit on the franchise instead.

[@tsorevitch2409]

He killed by not letting direct aliens sequel to be filmed by much more talanted director than him

[@jeromebirth2693]

A space Zombie Nice I see what you did there

[@corrugatedmisery1269]

These are the funniest fricken reviews I've ever heard

[@theultimatereductionist7592]

Agreed. Even for movies that I like, even though I know they're pieces of shit.

[@Sedgewise47]

(You don’t say!...)

[@JerseySlayer]

Plinkett over on RLM are pretty good

[@sirc1446]

Funny because it's true

[@harrymonk5880]

Hes hilarious :)

[@phicks7963]

I love your work Drinker. You elegantly and Eloquently put into words the very things I find wrong with most modern films

[@GradKat]

I always found it strange they only had one android on board. Suppose he malfunctioned? And it was beyond credibility that the crew didn’t meet prior to the expedition, or were told beforehand what the purpose of the expedition was.

[@noone-mo6gy]

The only thing I genuinely love about this movie is the cinematography, the movie looks beautiful, such a shame it's this movie.

[@proto-geek248]

You must love grey.

[@noone-mo6gy]

@@proto-geek248 There may not be much color, but the shots of land they used to establish this planet are beautiful.

[@PazuzuStalker]

Exactly... If it wasnt related to the two legit alien films at all, i could have enjoyed it. Now it just pisses me off since it destroys all the old mysticism. Besides that it is an extremely tense and harsh thing in a beautifully cold and horrid environment. It just shouldn't be related to Alien.

[@hiamaraldvaan7221]

Yea visualy perfect same with Martian.

[@Jakethegoodman]

I have to admit when I saw this I had no idea it was part of the Alien Franchise and actually enjoyed it. After realizing that I get the hate. It's no where near as good and the comparison just amplifies the shittiest parts. But if you just watch a movie it's ok.

[@OlaftheGreat]

A ship named "Prometheus" and then a ship named "Covenant". Imagine if the first movie was named "Nostromo"

[@brigadiergeneral2399]

The reason you can't understands it is because it's based on the Annunaki and it's the best fucking movie ever made. Learn about the 'Annunaki' and you will understand the movie.

[@OlaftheGreat]

@@brigadiergeneral2399 I never said anything about not understanding anything. I made a joke about naming "Alien" movies after ships

[@The053199]

@@OlaftheGreat hes a bot

[@OlaftheGreat]

@@The053199 oh no, it's Skynet... Er...I mean "Legion"

[@alexandrejose8362]

Substitute the xenomorph for a giant transhuman who shifts between being a murderous vigilant and being a insane murderer.

[@michaelgiles5918]

I'm so glad I found you. Love the rants. Awesome!!!

[@EdwinSteiner]

Totally makes sense. Alien bodybuilder wakes up, sees the film crew, and is like "HUMANITY WAS A MISTAKE".

[@gypsyjr1371]

I remember opening day of Alien. People actually ran out of the theater in horror at two places during the film! Nobody had ever seen anything like that before in a film. It changed everything!

[@randallulrich]

Well, it's not every day that an alien bursts out of John Hurt's chest. Until we saw it again in "Spaceballs". :-)

[@jessikapiche6097]

@@randallulrich yeah, but that one sing!!! lololol

[@MrHarumakiSensei]

What was the other place in the film that made them run out?

[@jamiebraswell5520]

It is so funny to hear stories like that. The same thing happened with The Exorcist. These things are common place today, but back then it was genuinely shocking and frightening. Hell, even ALIENS back in 1986 was very stressful and left me with a headache from its intensity. Times change, though. My mother said the old Universal monster movies were really scary back in their day, yet we couldn't imagine them as being scary. Cool? Yes. Scary? No.

[@michaelmaguire1229]

Ah, I remember those simpler halcyon days. We were a more innocent minded people back then. Only 3 channels on the TV. No deranged internet porn just a mouse click away to jerk off to. And the now household words MILF and Cameltoe hadn't been invented. Hell, Dr Who used to scare me back then.

[@Mububban23]

Prometheus is a great example of "looks shiny, with dumb writing." Characters did stupid things, purely to get to the next set piece. None of it happened organically, they just had to make supposedly intelligent people do dumb things, to get to the next dumb thing. I was so pumped for this movie and saw it on opening night, and I was so disappointed :-(

[@praeceptor]

I'm with you.

[@davidhutchinson7888]

I couldn't quite put my finger on why I was so frustrated with this movie and you explained it, thanks

[@Mububban23]

@Ursa Below if you want to enjoy badly written movies with illogical plots and poorly realised characters doing dumb things, nobody's stopping you. Personally, I'll put my support behind movies that are well written, with logical believable plot points, and well written/acted characters who act like a real person might. Each to their own. Ridley Scott et al will gladly take your money regardless of the quality of their product. I look forward to viewing your well reasoned video on why you are right, and everybody else is wrong. Link it here once you're done.

[@Mububban23]

@Blue Genes Red Memes the surgery scene? With the medical pod? Where she gets a c-section, gets stapled up, and then proceeds to sprint and jump and dive and fight etc? That's a perfect example of the idiocy of this movie.

[@benwinter2420]

Silent Hill all over again in other words

[@jonathanb2622]

Alien. Alien Isolation. Aliens...that's the beginning and end of it as far as I am concerned and I'll be forever grateful for the creation of those three masterpieces. Everything else in the franchise has been entirely forgettable. Hopeful Blomkamp may someday/somehow get to make his movie - I'd be far more excited about that prospect than the upcoming 'Romulus' movie.

[@ladyE602]

I don't think Blomkamp is making his Alien film

[@drlight6677]

Are people really hoping Blomkamp makes a Alien movie? His movies are crap (except Elysium maybe which i have yet to watch)@@ladyE602

[@omarbey3868]

Every 6 months I try to watch this review. It is wonderful. No matter how many times I watch it, I laugh my ass off. Thank you my man Drinker :-)

[@CptKennyLoggins]

Charlize Theron actually hired the most dysfunctional crew she could find to sabotage the mission. There are some straws to grasp at BUT then Covenant went and killed off Shaw...making Prometheus even more pointless...grrr.

[@joep4975]

The script explained it better and Scott should be ashamed for not going fully by the script that was written.

[@CptKennyLoggins]

@lightdarklovehate I'm with you, a lot of thought went into this movie. I am a sci fi junkie and anything to do w Aliens I eat it up. I really enjoyed the story of David being forced to do one last task before being free from his "faulty" creators while also being introduced to Christianity (Jesus was an engineer?) through Dr Shaw. But then he killed her (cancer? Actually an act of love?), then a biologist tries to hug an alien snake, Fifield can't find his way despite his pups, etc. Idris, Noomi, Theron, Wong, and Fassbender's characters get a pass from me. The others seem to just be fill-in when the plot needs them. Good creature feature with some amazing effects. What are your thoughts?

[@britbloc123]

+CptKennyLoggins Prometheus looks great but the script and character decisions are dumb af. For example, the reveal that Weyland is hiding on his own ship makes no sense. He's funding the friggin' mission and it's HIS ship. It's a plot twist that's put there to surprise the audience but makes ZERO sense in terms of plot. Shaw also not telling anyone about her alien abortion is also highly questionable considering how much of a risk it is to leave an alien organism on board. There are loads more examples but those are just two that show this movie isn't anywhere near as clever as it thinks it is.

[@CptKennyLoggins]

@@britbloc123 Weyland was dying and felt like this was his last chance at immortality. He was obsessed with finding how to cheat death. The richest man in history with all that tech at his disposal finds out that there might be an alien species, who could have seeded humanity in the first place, within traveling distance? He kept in constant contact with David, which couldn't be done across the vast distance. His character was at least somewhat believable. Now I would agree his make-up and timeline across Alien and AvP timelines is disturbing in the least.

[@britbloc123]

+CptKennyLoggins I understand Weyland's motivations for being there. What's completely dumb is why he would hide on his own ship.

[@algunoscuenticos]

Wait a minute....the title "The Franchise Killer" is already owned by Rian Johnson. 😀

[@darkhierophant4914]

No. It's JJ ABRAMS.

[@phatmantv]

Yul Hubbart Yet we get more Disney wars with Episode 9 and the Mexi-Mandalorian! YAY?

[@TDHurley]

haha (Evil laugh)True

[@xula10]

Algunos Cuenticos no, no, no... that title belongs to Shane Black and his 2018 The Predator. A total mess.

[@poopikins]

@Yul Hubbart D&D

[@hussle2654]

My favorite was them running straight ahead to escape the rolling donut ship, when they easily could have run laterally and been completely safe.

[@dichebach]

Thanks for summarizing this bro. I never saw it, and I'm glad.

[@gipsydanger7379]

You'd expect a director like Ridley Scott. Would do a better job ( I'm looking at you Covenant ).

[@Ammoniumbicarbonat]

Nah he's lost it like George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola.

[@americafuckyeah4520]

I think both films are well directed, that's not the issue

[@philrussell5258]

The storyline although promising as an idea is full of problems that undermine the characters all the way through

[@eViLPaCcc]

@Antun Šturlić something something Scotland and its sheep joke

[@courtlandstavley6178]

I love Ridley but he’s not been the same since his brother died. It seems that Tony had a lot to do with building up the character back stories and merging them pretty seamlessly. It’s sad and I hope Ridley is able to get back to the great ideas and movies he can make.

[@fifi3649]

I saw Prometheus just months after watching Alien for the first time and I was super thrilled, but it didn't last long after the film started. I remember watching the scientists walking in a cave on an unknown planet with no helmets, touching stuff like kids and even playing with alien snakes and thinking "WTF??". At that time I was 15 and pretty dumb, but not SO dumb not to understand how nonsense that was

[@josephsalmonte4995]

My sentiments exactly. I'm willing to suspend belief to a point so I can enjoy a movie but damn, this film took the piss royally.

[@hotdog9262]

civilians left to do whatever they want on a privately funded trip, will do just that. be stupid

[@ejcejc4113]

I'm glad you watched the first one first lol, saved you from maybe never watching 1-3

[@fifi3649]

@@hotdog9262 those people were researchers, they were supposed to know what they were doing very well. They were also supposed to know at least the basics of safety. It's just unrealistic that they would behave in such a stupid way. I can excuse the guys in the first movie, 'cause they were not prepared to be in that situation and it makes sense they didn't know what they were doing, but scientists were supposed to be waaaay more cautious

[@fifi3649]

@@ejcejc4113 tbh I watched Aliens first without knowing it was a sequel, and for the entire time I felt like I was missing something 😂😂

[@765kvline]

My favorite part was that the movie finally ended. I couldn't wait.

[@emilkarpo]

Maybe it's example of a fine Director still making movies past his prime and an example of why Quentin Tarantino has said he will do one more movie while he still has his mojo and then he's done.

[@Erik_Swiger]

Throughout my life, I've picked-up various words and phrases and incorporated them into my everyday life. Thanks to The Critical Drinker, I will now start using "Nah, it'll be fine!"

[@sagaswp]

Fuck off, film!

[@ThomasJamas]

I've also started using "itll be fine".

[@danehammett8124]

Guilty as well, plus I get the pleasure of the girlfriend asking me why do I keep saying it, so it's a keeper.

[@BigDaddy_MRI]

Erik Swiger I actually did that while working on a very complex problem on the MRI machine I was installing. My colleague, Mark, looked at me and asked where I came up with that. I said it was my new favorite phrase from the Critical Drinker. Next day, HE said it while changing out a circuit board. It really was hilarious. The Drinkers influence is spreading throughout the world. 😂😂

[@TheNeognostic]

I'm already using it!

[@ColemanJRimer]

"The girl with the surgical tattoo". Brilliant, man.

[@omarbey3868]

This is still the greatest movie review ever made. I love you man .

[@georgestuart8656]

Thank you. That's exactly what I wanted to say about this movie. Only in a scouse accent. I made the missus come to a cinema to watch this, such was my anticipation. It's Ridley, he'll make up for number 3 and the execrable number 4. 😔 Maybe I'll add a plot arc. "I've seen these dots on a cave wall. It's an invitation to a planet". "You can deduce where this planet is from these dots" ? "Yes"! "Can we go there"? "Yes". "How much will it cost"? "2 Trillion dollars". "What are we waiting for"?

[@jeremypayne5078]

The space jockey was one of the best unanswered questions in Alien. It was big, weird, and you weren't sure if it was a being separate from the ship, or a part of it. Now we know... sometimes it's better left unexplained...

[@eljay5009]

Yep - a good film maker can not only tell a compelling story, but also recognise aspects of a story that are best left untold. I believe the space jockey alien is exactly that - and unfortunately, Ridley Scott went there.

[@jeremypayne5078]

@@eljay5009 I'm just shocked to see something like this come from the director who made the first Alien. Usually the person who completely misses the point and retroactively ruins something like that isn't *the same person who made the original.*

[@tamashorvath3646]

I agree. I always hated the idea of explaining the alien itself. (the predators breed them for practice, or the Fassbender droid created them, etc.) At least come up with something compelling. But the best explanation is that the alien just came from the dark void of an unholy corner of the universe and those unlucky bastards stumbled upon them by pure misfortune and just leave it at that.

[@jeromebirth2693]

Biggest subvergance in the History of cinema

[@bob74h67]

It didt even get answered as that was not the same space jockey nor did it at all look the same. let's ignore that the film barely answers it's own questions, Why does the goo mutate that one kid but cause ripley wannabe to birth squid monster. What is the snake thing, a proto xenomorph cant be as there's a definitive proto xenomorph in convaent, not to mention the various plot holes with how alien portrayed the space jockeys like they had aliens onboard to use as weapons but never was it implied that they created them and surely if they did then it was not how recent film portrays like never had the xenomorph batch interacted with humans yknow something required to occur if convanent's events are taken literally

[@pforce9]

Dumbest part was when that infected guy showed up unannounced at the space ship and folded backwards and they were arguing whether to let him on the ship or not. to me it seemed like a no brainer.

[@Veldtian1]

Every cuts the jerk in their lives way too much slack.

[@Baklava_the_Alchemist]

Obviously the infected guy is a ninja yogi master with lvl100 sneak but his lockpicking is still lvl1.

[@andrewsarchus6036]

I guess it's supposed to be a call-back to Ripley getting overruled by the synth when she was insisting on quarantining the EVA team with unknown injuries outside the Nostromo.

[@JoshAintSoCool]

We normally don’t pick up hitchhikers….. buuuut I’m gonna go with my gut on this one

[@mikerowave1986]

I try to pretend Prometheus and Covenant does not exist, they ruined everything I loved about Alien

[@user-fw2dd2cy3c]

The two most infuriatingly stupid things (to my mind, at least) were (i) taking off their helmets and (ii) the tiny squid baby growing (to use the Drinker's phraseology) into Cthulhu in an hour...and with no food available. I can overlook a lot...but you've gotta draw the line somewhere.

[@kebman]

“Trying to pick apart this plot logically is like trying to find a gender studies graduate that weighs less than a metric ton.” - The Critical Drinker

[@petedraper5185]

LMAO at that one.

[@Robtop-ml4sv]

I need a time stamp

[@ed1341]

@@Robtop-ml4sv 17:05

[@LINKchris87]

Absolutely brilliant line.

[@SvenTviking]

There are anorexic ones….

[@richardg8376]

Also, my wife had an emergency caesarean, and I call bullshit on Noomi Rapace's character running around the ship immediately after having her stomach cut open and hastily stapled together, regardless of whatever technology they're using.

[@ew3612]

Richard Greenlees I thought the same thing. She was very agile and energetic for someone who just had a major surgery.

[@Flint-Dibble-the-Don]

I had a spinal fusion and basically got a c section plus some spine work done. The docs want you to stand up and walk the same day a few hours after surgery. It's a bitch but doable.

[@harnois75]

I didn't realise your wife benefitted from the medical technology of 200 years in the future.

[@stephengoodman2424]

We're talking about people who write garbage where someone falls out an upstairs window and walks away.

[@WashOfCascadia]

@Delon Duvenage also when its hundreds upon hundreds of years in the future, who knows maybe the surgery or technology is so good that it doesnt hurt after.maybe theyre special super staples.

[@PaulSchober]

Couldn't believe all the plot idiocies in this film. I could forgive most of them but the two SCARED scientists, after making First Contact with a huge alien cobra-thing, start playing with it like it was a puppy? Why did the writers do that? Did they think the audience would enjoy feeling smarter than these characters? And the ending blew me away. Elizabeth watches the Engineer treat humans like vermin and decided to destroy Earth as his first thought on waking up, so she decides to head to their homeworld to DEMAND ANSWERS? She has incredible information vital to the safety of Earth and is in possession of technology that might actually SAVE them from further attacks, and she just takes off with it because she "wants answers"? WTF?

[@Iskandar64]

That was so funny, I remember being bewildered by the ridiculous plot holes when I saw it at the cinema.

[@guybroyles48]

This is one of those films that you could put into a blender and no matter what order the scenes came out in, it wouldn't make any difference.

[@brigadiergeneral2399]

The reason you can't understands it is because it's based on the Annunaki and it's the best fucking movie ever made. Learn about the 'Annunaki' and you will understand the movie.

[@MauZangetsu]

@@brigadiergeneral2399 The concepts are not the movie. It had a great concept but the movie was poorly developed

[@strangemarkings]

A toilet would be more accurate than a blender, methinks

[@waynewayne8419]

@Blue Genes Red Memes what is wrong with you?

[@jeremyhulbert3343]

And, of course, we have the tried-and-true trope of people aboard an exploratory vessel thinking quarantine protocol shouldn't apply to people they like, because that's mean.

[@notsosecretsnacker5218]

This has always annoyed me so much. The good guy acting like it's the correct thing to do to break quarentine

[@dudepool7530]

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this. Well played sir, well played.

[@tomsmith6379]

They foresaw Corona

[@MichaelPoage666]

Charlize is the hero of this movie for frying that idiot.

[@scottkirby5016]

and for contrast Ripley did hold the quarantine protocol.

[@dan1216]

3:12 Guy Pierce .... is..... Dr. Evil. 'Vagina Snake' has me rolling. 🤣

[@ProBreakers]

I remember seeing this at the movies with some friends and us all walking out saying, “wtf was that?”

[@bluefalconssuck5881]

*Achieves Interstellar Travel...* _"What's a virus?"_ Yeah, I was done right there.

[@joedollarbiden9823]

And the sponsor payed for a hope that alien make him live longer. What kind of society is able to interstellar travel but unable to find a solution to life span? Fuck we currently doubled our life span compared to a thousand years ago.

[@captainmorgan2530]

@@joedollarbiden9823 We even doubled our lifespan compared to 150 years ago. Problem is that medical condicions we face today are different than the ones we faced before. We can easily prolong average lifespan by +15 years but it gets real hard after that.

[@bencarlson4300]

I have mixed feelings with this film. Michael Fassbender’s David is great, the set design, creature design, special effects, and overall concept of the film are amazing. Everything else... oof

[@myronwilborn6561]

It really wasn’t that bad of a movie if they had allowed the sequel to carry on with the seed of life theory and went deeper into the engineer story, but people were so flabbergasted that it wasn’t a cut and dry alien movie that they went that direction to please that audience and it all became a jumbled mess. Missed opportunity is all it will ever be, Hollywood stop compromising your creativity for corporate movements and internet junkies that are so miserable with life that nothing can be done good enough for them, if epic stories could be done on motion picture as early as the 1930s I’m pretty certain we can still do it today, stop trying to please the wrong crowd

[@11jerans]

Fassbender is the best part of both of the newer movies.

[@awoman3]

No, it sucked, don't sugar coat it.

[@josephbrady711]

Creature design??? Good you say? HA

[@politicallycorrectredskin796]

It's not really a movie. That's the problem. It's a transhumanist lecture with a bad script on top. This stuff becomes even more glaring considering how tight the first two movies were. Sci fi/horror and sci-fi/action. Simple! And they followed the usual templates of those genres too, which you do because they are tried and tested. Then they added the unique stuff, which is basically first contact gone awry and ancient, dead aliens. Prometheus is not sci fi, not horror, not action and not first contact. None of the things that made the first two movies good, in other words...Yay!

[@czr7j9]

i love her reason for going on the mission. 'Because i choose to believe they invited us.' Like choosing to believe god will save your ass if you fall off a cliff.

[@SuicidalSummerSnowWoman]

😂😂😂

[@sthede1000]

OMG, I could only get through HALF of your summary, thank god I didn't watch the actual movie.

[@ptolemyauletesxii8642]

My favorite part is when the alien ship takes off, flies several miles into the sky, is struck by another ship flying roughly on the same trajectory, then falls to the ground landing more or less where it took off from. Because that is how physics works.

[@bobman929]

Ever thrown a frisby

[@ptolemyauletesxii8642]

@@bobman929 Frisbies spin.

[@BigPuddin]

​@@bobman929 Frisbies are thin with curved edges to replicate the effect of drag and lift like on the wings of an aircraft but minus all the other parts of the aircraft, and they spin with centrifugal force. A frisby is just a round wing.

[@bobman929]

@@BigPuddin ever thought that what ever propulsion the ship uses would have the same effect as drag/air pressure. Connect the dots guys.

[@joostdriesens3984]

And I think it should have crushed on impact, even with alien, futuristic hardened hull or whatever. Retaining its shape makes it feel like a toy. Gigantic hollow constructions that weigh thousands of tonnes don't behave like this.

[@Akuretarie]

I hope you do Covenant next, if Prometheus was garbage Covenant is a nightmare.

[@mountaindewslave]

Scott has gone senile, he went through the whole effort of doing the engineer and Elizabeth plotline in Prometheus, only to ax BOTH the Engineers & Elizabeth offscreen before Covenant. Prometheus was terrible, but at least we didn't have something beforehand to tease us with expectations. Covenant had one obvious point: show the Engineers homeworld and answer some of the pretentious 'questions'. But, of course, they ignored that entirely and just made it the David show with some more weird bastardized aliens running around. Throw up inducing stuff.

[@DanakarEndeel]

Covenant? I thought that movie was called "Fassbenders". :P

[@supahtyp]

@@mountaindewslave Don't blame Scott for this. He never wrote anything in his life. All he can do well is make things look good on the screen.

[@CasiodorusRex]

I liked Prometheus. I think they messed up Covenant because they went off course from Prometheus.

[@ressljs]

@@CasiodorusRex Yeah, I loved Prometheus. I can admit there's a few dumb things in it (like everything involving the ginger science guy), but over all, I still think it's almost on par with the best movies in the series. But then Covenant... Maybe it a vacuum, Covenant would be an OK movie, but as a sequel to Prometheus, it totally failed.

[@SAKtime1]

I've seen enough Sci fi movies to know you can never pack too many flamethrowers on your spaceship.

[@simonfrost7094]

Michael Fassbenders' creepy performance as David is the best thing - perhaps the only redeeming feature - about this whole film. After seeing Idris Elba sleep walk through Pacific Rim recently as well, I'm beginning to think he just can't act for toffee. In every role I've seen him in, he just seems to be the same?

[@pauldavidartistclub6723]

Fassbender is almost always the best things in the sometime mediocre movies he finds himself in. Regarding Elba, of the movies I’ve seen him in The Dark Tower is the worst, though he was a blank in, oh god, Hobbs and Shaw (I saw that!). I had hopes for him (The Office), but either this era’s films, his typecasting in juvenilia, or maybe the possibility that he just might not be that good, has disappointed me.

[@DJRYGAR1]

the idea of goo itself was also great if you think about it. Planet destroying bioweapon that mutates local life into murderous creatures is great and it could work as backbone of movie if they worked on this idea for a bit longer and not slapping 1000 ideas (nice ideas on their own) together into incoherent pulp.

[@antcantcook960]

Watch “The Wire” and tell us Elba can’t act.

[@BARZEL343]

Captain Janek... Polish guy who plays the accordion... played by an Afro-British actor. Makes perfect sense.

[@pauldavidartistclub6723]

Yeah, I’ve sadly come to the same conclusion about Elba. Someone gave me an argument pointing out how good he was in The Wire…but if the actor sleep walks, as you said, through nearly everything he’s in, and doesn’t get better or pick better projects as time goes along, what are you to make if him? Big disappointment, unless he can turn it around

[@LuisCarruthers]

One thing that's really tragic how they pretended the engineers' heads were just a helmet when in Alien it was obvious they were part of the skeleton.

[@onastick2411]

And in the original you felt sorry for the Space Jockey, who died alone at the console of his ship. Whatever happened, their last act was to send a warning, so other's would keep away. But keeping movies consistent, is just too much work, why bother when you can take the audience for fools.

[@StayFractalesque]

obvious? i must have missed that part, how was it obvious? genuinely curious

[@LuisCarruthers]

@@StayFractalesque In the original Alien film the bones from the chest area of the dead engineer seamlessly run into the head area. It's so obvious it's supposed to be a skull, not a helmet. For Prometheus, the writers just threw their own lore in the dustbin and pretended the engineers' skulls were a skull-like helmet.

[@marks2997]

I might get involved here. What is your source for this Luis? I am pretty sure the space jockey is wearing his space suit. The helmet forms part of that suit. Both films had the same director. Obvious? Not quite.

[@LuisCarruthers]

@@marks2997 My source is simply putting "space jockey alien 1979" into Google images. If it's all meant to be a space suit, it's certainly a space suit that looks like it's made of bones. It just seems rather convenient that there is no reference at all to the space jockeys being nothing more than oversized humans until Prometheus.

[@spurts]

Every character was wholly unlikeable. When I found out Shaw had been mutilated in Covenant, I was actually pleased. It really says something about a film when you’re happy the heroine gets killed

[@DrawnInk1]

This movie was worth making just to hear you take it apart, haven’t laughed so much. Thanks Drinker.

[@redpillnibbler4423]

He funded the movie for that reason.