Protecting Your Children: Beating Parental Alienation

[@cakesinthecity]

This is EXACTLY what I needed. Please pray for my children. They deserve to love both parents ❤❤

[@PreciousRegalos]

This is very wise advice. We don't need validation from our children. We know that we are the parents. We have to know this, even if we've been degraded and erased . . .

[@katereaves8710]

Yesss. My narcissistic father has now turned my daughter against me. When she turned 18 he offered her a new car and he paid for her insurance. It’s now four years later and she still living with him she’s 22 and he has brainwashed her against me. She doesn’t speak to me at all. I’ve written letters begged to have a relationship with her But she refuses to have anything to do with me. All I can do is pray. It feels heartbreaking

[@anti-narc]

wow this is crazy --- yeah my mother and my kids mother teamed up on the kidnapping --- its crazy how heartless these kids become. I also pray everyday - I have resorted to telling the whole truth on you tube

[@katereaves8710]

@@anti-narc I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I’ll never understand parents using children for their agenda. I’m praying for you

[@anti-narc]

@@katereaves8710 thanks, its us loving people that say things like this and actually mean them that are targeted

[@latoybe7696]

Same here...all we can do is pray and heal ourselves

[@elizabethdecordova5192]

Kate- ur dad- so diabolical - so sorry.:(

[@thatbaldbrutha]

32:43 This right here was 👀opening for me. It wasn't until I heard this that I now realize that my need for connection with my estranged children is me SELFISHLY seeking validation as thier parent. I refused to "give them sapce" as you suggested because I wanted to be a part of their lives in the way that serves ME! This realization BROKE me down. Wow...thank you sir.

[@aalovelace2776]

Can I disagree? The bond between parent and child can never be broken .. they are yours and you are theirs. The alienating parent wants to destroy that bond. It’s not selfish to care about that bond and want it back.

[@PreciousRegalos]

What a powerful moment when he read the text around minute 37 . . .took my breath away.

[@jacquelinevd977]

Hi Kenny, so thoughtful caring about people who can't afford a psycologist! Indeed masterclasses, coaching would be helpful. Your posts and DEPT are AMAZING!!! Bless you XOXO🌹Excellent introspection! 😍

[@through.a.barrel.she.breathes]

This is EXACTLY what I needed. I have opted out and due to physical health I have buried proof of my fight to live for them and my love and have asked my family and his to not run him down at all as one parent is better than none. They are victims and traumatised and our children. They deserve to love both parents ❤❤ I just hope they never see the real him as that is my best hope now.

[@cwaford]

Kenny. I’m an alienated Dad and this message hits home. I think I try too hard to reconnect with my kids but I’m starting to believe they want me to leave them alone. So I have thought much about that. I’m learning to do what is right as their parent. Thanks for your message.

[@TuyetHuynh-yg3mu]

Thank you so much for this. This is the best summary of what I need to do for my children. And I truly feel deep down inside this advice is best advice for alienated children. As hard as it is. Thank you for this nugget of gold. It has helped my accept my reality immensely.

[@kennyweiss]

You are so welcome!

[@waa8273]

Putting this video to the world, you have saved thousands of innocent children who has narcissist prarents. He is right. We hate our abusive parter but our children get to love their mother and father.

[@robinpenfold4733]

I'm an alienated parent. I'm just keeping away as I believe the malignant narcissists lies are more convincing to my kids than my truths.

[@emilybreeding3518]

Way more convincing. They are the "victim" and the kids believe every lie and they live in such fear of her judgement. My stepkids are almost completely alienated from their father at this point. The kids are kept out of school to interfere with custody, their phones are blocked or not paid to interfere, they won't stay overnight anymore since they're older teens and we tried giving them more freedom - the narcissist took advantage and now keeps them under her control at all times. You can tell when she's monitoring their phones since their texts become her and completely out of character for the kids to respond in such a way. We've been in a custody battle for over a year. We won on every front and have a fantastic case for both alienation, and we could go after her again for defamation outside of family court. But that would be fluffing a narcissist's feathers. That's all she wants is to be the center of attention... it's a lose lose lose situation even though we win on paper....

[@anti-narc]

I have created a channel of blunt truth - because every other thing has been sabotaged by the psycho alienator -- I have showed her ten years stalking of my ex girlfriend and everything --- no avail...

[@hprhihi]

Thanks man I appreciate your words

[@heyhellohi7420]

My 3 year olds dad started saying she is telling him that she doesn't want to come to my house and procrastinating coming over. He tells me this almost every time at drop off and when I ask my kid if she said that she says no. (Her speech is advanced so she understands the question). It's been going on for almost a year. She recently started peeing and pooping on herself at my house as well as hitting me in public when it's time to go. When I tell her dad this he claims she has never hit him and isn't peeing on herself much at his house. Is he alienating me? He is a covert narc so it's always possible. What should I do? My daughter is always talking about the good things daddy does and how she wants to go to daddy's.

[@ScorpioWawaMom]

​@@heyhellohi7420the only answer I ever got was family court. Every entity, every CPS worker, every police officer, they have all said the same thing...family Court. Which terrifies me as my oldest daughters dad is rich 😢

[@jennydrozd29]

Today was the first time I didn't instantly call back/respond to my son's father's call. And when I did respond 7 hours later, he was freaking out, telling me how I won't see my son. I said, how is that any different? I told him he was predictable and that I refrained from calling because I knew what his reaction would be. 11 years of psychological torture at this point. I feel I have no choice but to take a step back. It feels unnatural, however, what I've been doing, has never worked. He is so manipulative, angry and abusive that my mental health has suffered tremendously. I know I have to be healthy for when my son breaks free. I feel it's time to back away.... I heard a good line the other day which said "Patience is not inaction" And it's so true! Any insight is appreciated. I just can't anymore. He's a tyrannical sadist.

[@gokhanozevin8471]

This video is gold. Thank you Kenny.

[@GetTaggedPhotography]

Thank you for not leaving us alone to figure this out. ❤

[@kennyweiss]

Happy to help!

[@alternative2104]

My situation prior to watching this and after are the same. But now, putting my focus back on my child. The focus back on what I can control, which is so much. The road ahead will be difficult for sure. But I have hope knowing I still have that vital role to play in my child's life, to provide that unconditional love. Bless you.

[@katereaves8710]

Thank you for the advice. I was struggling to decide what to do for Christmas. And I was stuck between not writing and respecting her wishes but I don’t ever want her to think that I don’t care or I don’t think about her all the time. That script is the perfect balance

[@kennyweiss]

That’s good to hear. That was my hope. To bring you clarity on how to proceed.😁

[@darleneharrington5204]

Love your talk. I would not have stopped.

[@Losermachine35]

I followed your advice and talked to my child’s mother politely and took reasonability for things I knew wasn’t even my fault but chalked it up to her delusions or memory’s. And I actually just did more listening than trying to talk and I got to talk to my daughter for the first time in months. Thank you

[@BR-gz3cv]

Kenny- as one who’s in this same situation, I feel it’s a brotherhood of trauma we share. Thank you for all you do. The raw honesty, insight, and willingness to help others caught in this awful situation is such a gift. Your work is appreciated beyond words. I’ve downloaded your videos and bought your book- incredibly helpful resources.

[@privatez6967]

With respect, how about you say it's a "personhood" simply because sometimes it's actually the mother who becomes the target of parental alienation. Men and women are both capable of engaging in under the radar, clever PROCESS of parental alienation. These people are clever psychological manipulators. It's not only the children, but it is also friends, family and church communities that are hoodwinked. But there is ONE person who is never fooled and that is God, ie Jesus who SEES ALL and who will one day open the Books and pronounce Judgment.

[@Motivation4You2024]

Kenny, I'm an alienated grandparent. Would your information apply to me also? There are so many grandparents out there who can't get help. Thank you for what you do. ❤️

[@Hedge_ofthe_earth_fund]

This has all happened relatively recently. A few months. It’s always been happening but not this bad. I’ve been really good about not speaking negativity and my ex wife but since she has been refusing to give the kids back because “they don’t want to and they hate me “ I’ve lost my temper a few times. Not off the rails but I’ve tried to reason and I’ve mentioned the custody agreement I have with the ex. Watching this video really has helped know what to do because I don’t want to hurt my kids anymore. Than they have been hurt already.

[@markjayw666]

File comtempt

[@genmdse]

your videos make me so sad, sorry for what you went through. You are a stronger person than I am

[@karlasnyder9856]

I just found you on KZbin!! And what a Godsend! I listened last nite and could barely absorb it all tho you made perfect sense. All of my guilt and shame and sorrow ….well you give the roadmap thru. You made more sense than anyone I’ve listened to. I will do the work. I only have a good 10 yrs left but it’s never too late to become the student. Much love support and blessings to you as you reparent us all! You are making a difference in families.

[@kennyweiss]

Thank you and yes, it is never too late to do the work😁

[@bestrongandloveyourself2370]

I don’t know you, but I am sure that you are an amazing father 💖 I am sorry that you had to go through these difficulties. It is great that you used your pain to help others! Thank you so much! 🙏💕💕💕

[@leahglover4978]

Excellent video. Thank you

[@bratislavmethulsky1374]

Exactly. Wise words! Stick to them! Been through ALL of that. That's the ONLY (!) way. Amen. I have children, which were alienated for years and that children caried their burden as well, but got united exactly THAT way. They deeply respect and love me, the way I did (respect and love myself that time). It does sound like a esoterical equation but it is true. Being a parent in absence for a long time, was still being a awesome parent, they are kick ass proud of now. And ALSO the time they were alienated and damaged by the other parent. I know it hurts all the time BUT: - build the most healthy relationships - discover, what YOUR life is about - heal & grow in any aspect possible - get enough rest (that's the hardest) - ... ... (fill out for yourself) - keep NC! ... during that time!!! And I am thankful to the therapists of my children. At least one of them totally underestimated me. BAM!

[@cakesinthecity]

I love hearing this ❤❤

[@kromero2863]

What did you do in those situations (where you had to leave because your spouse wouldn't stop yelling) when the kids were there? Did you take them with you or did they stay home? I don't want my kids to feel like they're being abandoned, but I also don't want to pull them away from their dad. It just seems like a bad situation for the kids either way and they might feel like they have to pick sides. What I've done in the past is told my husband that I was going to go out with the kids and when he felt like he could have a conversation I'd talk to him. Then, I take the kids out to go do something fun, but the kids aren't ignorant of what's going on when mom's getting yelled at... You are absolutely right, when you start putting up boundaries they really don't like it.

[@l.v.9061]

I am reading many sad comments. I wish all people to have strength to overcome this period of time. You never know what can come next. There is a reason for every thing in life. Please concentrate on blessings that are given to us in life. And they are many. And not just on thinking how unjust things can be.

[@canttouchthis9339]

Incredible teacher!

[@sonyaclove4178]

Thank you for helping us with your content.

[@ITholeLeNdlovu]

Thank you so much for the. Very helpful information

[@retiredbarista]

This is much needed info. Thank you so much Kenny. I love your channel and appreciate all of the content you provide. I only wish I knew all of this sooner.

[@kennyweiss]

You are so welcome

[@bebasimic7282]

I really respect you,what a anconditional love.

[@yonasalemayhue5165]

You are so wise man! I have learned a lot thank you very much for your help.

[@kennyweiss]

Happy to help!

[@hakanblixt1944]

WHAT WILL BECOME OF MY CHILD? I have come a long way in my journey and in my understanding of what my daughter is going through, but I will probably never understand everything. I agree with most of your thesis about what course of action is best for the child, even though it goes against what is commonly called common sense. However, I have a big question mark. What will become of my child if no one ever asks or questions. What will become of my child if what she learns and imitates comes exclusively from a narcissistic parent? What will she be like as an adult? I am convinced that who I am today is largely a result of how my parents raised me. Sure, I am my own person but the basic human view is deeply rooted from what I once learned and imitated. Now, when neither I nor anyone else asks or questions, will my daughter continue through life leaning on the only thing she knows? This knowledge is one of the reasons I will never give up!

[@hannaheye]

That's exactly why I disagree with his perspective that it's best to walk away from an adult alienated child. I believe an adult alienated child still needs their loving parent to communicate their unconditional love.

[@aviewer9516]

You are providing a wonderful service, thank you.

[@Viral_Shorts_News]

I had this problem but I was dealing with this issue from my own mother. It would have been so simple to just do the right thing.

[@Moveagelessly]

Hello and thank you for this video. I've just started watching it. After having a not so good Christmas. My ex has continued to stop my younger daughter coming over to see me. I took her to court a year ago and we both got a court order to follow for two of my girls who is 11 years old and my younger is 6. However there's been numerous occasions she doesn't help the situation with my 6 year old. Discussing grown up talk to her. Words to encourage her not to come. However, when my daughter does come over she has a, wonderful time. Is just when she heads back to her mother she cries she doesn't want to come. On Christmas eve, I went to pick her up and her older sister, who is OK with the situation, as I'm guessing because she is at that age. But I still get concerned, as her mother uses her as a messager. Anyway went to pick her up on Christmas eve, my younger daughter wasn't there as mother took her to someone else's home. This was because she knew my daughter would want to come if she seen me. My older daughter was the messager again. Whilst mother hide in the house behind the door. So on Christmas day I didn't see my daughter. It was just me and my older daughter and her half brother for Christmas. Which I tried my best to be present, but the situation was killing me. I'm going to have to take her back to court as she's broken the court order now on two many occasion. Even got a text saying my daughter may not come on my birthday 28th. Any advice guys? As Im so concerned for my daughters mindset and how it may effect the younger greatly. Sorry about the long message too. Thanks. Please reply anyone 🙏🏿

[@lynettek8714]

Is there any way you can try for custody? Judges wouldn’t be keen on the alienation. I hope you get a good judge who see this. ❤

[@Moveagelessly]

@@lynettek8714 Doubt it, but thank you

[@Rosewaterscent6789]

I am going through it now. My soon to be ex is sharing all marriage and divorce process details with my children. He is telling them your mom is greedy and selfish and is after my money. I haven’t even filed anything yet. My daughters 15 and 16 and their father all bully me. They suggest I need to go see a psychiatrist. They attack me and don’t even speak to me. He completely brain washed them against me. I feel helpless and very very hurt

[@lisapanger9460]

That’s horrible. I’m sorry you’re in that position. How do you fight that against a pathological liar.

[@ace7821]

Omg. The dolls with the endless beards. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤. Infinite wisdom. Infinite protection. Infinite peace. 🙏🙏 in some places the wisest most spiritual helpful people look like Santa and yes their beards go to their feet.

[@moldogs3421]

Finally! Thank you! I recently found your channel, am binge watching, pondering over why you've never made any reference to good and evil. In this vid you use the word diabolical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of the devil... Now you're getting down to the nitty gritty, the essence of of what alienated parents are struggling against.

[@kaylareitnauer5824]

I'm glad you can emphasize, I feel like I can write a book. It's so awful. I saved your website to my phone to check out when I have time to sit and read. I seen my son yesterday, one hour supervised visit. I might bother you as I don't know exactly what to say to him about what he had said to yesterday at the end of the visit. I read divorce poison and thought I was prepared because this is the same responses for almost 3 years(from the father) and I was thinking how I can respond differently. He is stuck in these thought patterns and can't escape. I hate texting so this is very brief but I'm glad I found your channel. I've done alot of work but not to the adoring phase yet of my ex but I do understand what you mean. I look forward to being where you are. Greetings from Austria

[@kaylareitnauer5824]

I have a question, what about this boundary when they are younger, when they don't want to talk to you, want you out of there life, blocked on there phone and actually don't have new number, do we give them what they want? It's hard.

[@ladislavsvencik]

Thanks for sharing. However how to apply that model to a 5 year daughter? They have totally skewed reality just based on what 1 parent says. How you would re/model this approach for such a small kid?

[@watchesdreams]

I agree and I disagree. There is a time to fight this and that is when it starts, before the children are alienated. Once the children are fully alienated, I agree it’s time to walk away but let them know that the door is open should they wish to re-connect.

[@taebond007]

Thank you 🙏🏽 💜✨🌸🧘🏽‍♀️📿🔮

[@kennyweiss]

You are so welcome

[@PratimaChoudhary-e6w]

God Bless you.

[@kingsagenda]

I dont agree with everything you said but i appreciate your perspective and can apply some things.

[@elizabethdecordova5192]

Love ur wardrobe. Brains AND style!;)

[@TheOne-n2r]

I’m going through a very severe situation with ex ! I could really use your advice

[@Scentaura123]

Mr Weiss, how do you handle your kids watching your videos? Family of your ex watching these videos. Do you get push back? Might be a difficult question to answer but I am so curious. I feel I can get all the advise and education in my current situation. Thanks in advance!

[@OilCanHarry2U]

Sound advice.

[@lincolnhaukdj]

Thank you..

[@kennyweiss]

You're welcome

[@canttouchthis9339]

Another great read on responding to cluster b's is STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS audiobook by Randi Krueger. 🙋‍♀️ I was stolen from my dad for 20 years, and this is how he handled it. It meant the world to me having him in mine and my children's lives again.

[@teresawigton8319]

God bless and help you and all of us

[@Beth-zp2sv]

My son never says thank you for birthday gifts. I dropped off a card and he never texted me and won’t respond when I text & call. Are we supposed to keep sending gifts?

[@JoyRugenstein]

How does this work with a covert narcissist who is passive aggressive to you infront of the child

[@Bebeautifulbeyou]

I just cried when you read that text

[@Jessicabailey187]

I handled my alienation completely wrong! I wish I could have seen these videos

[@gayleneflower398]

It was happening during our marriage when he was the”boss” and had all the money, I was a stay home, mother. I’d ask him to do things like wipe his feet when he came in the door and he would blatantly say no, and when I asked the kids to do it, they say well dad doesn’t have to do it and now they’re all in their 30s I am divorced and I am having real difficulties especially with seeing even my grandchildren. I just don’t know what to do.!! I am trying not to be depressed. I would like my last 20 years left in life to be able to see my grandchildren! i’m manipulated by My daughter because I left their Dad… even though he was having an affair, which I never told them about.

[@yokoyoko1099]

My 17 y o two therapist told me to include my daughter in what is going on w the custody matter .

[@annalundqvist7407]

My childs dad made ME go crazy 100s of times over the years, took up the mobile camera when I asked a simple question to make me react, and filmed me. Took me to court several years later. Since three days ago I dont have custody anymore and Im regeistered as a child offender who screamed in front of my child (sweden) Also Im sentenced to have hit him once but I never did that and NO filming of me EVER doing ANYTHING to my child. Just reacting in faxxing full panic to The fathers abuse.

[@rezniknow]

Super!

[@cakesinthecity]

Nothing is ever a problem, everything is a blessing. I love that so much. I pray so hard for my children. I have made mistakes. Tried to be righteous. But I understand I need to let it go more. I think my daughter gets it but I really fear for my son and I’s relationship. His dad has lost sight of right and wrong and is indoctrinating him, telling him every piece of our court dealings, making up bold faced lies, and blaming me every step of the way. I can see all this but my poor child cannot. I did like how you stated when my child repeats the lies he is in survival mode and it doesn’t mean he’s left me. I will hold on to that.

[@CatherineSanders-o8y]

I would like more information about adult children of PA. I have a good relationship with my kids, but because my ex is still in their lives, I'm still dealing with my adult children and the fallout from the alienation.

[@BrillGirl82]

What if the other “parent” is my mother?? I have spoken badly around him before, but don’t anymore. Is that repairable? I do feel the need to tell him the truth though - I have given nuggets of truth at times, but want him to know the full truth someday. He’s 22, almost 23. For now, I’m keeping as tight a lip as I can and just showing love. It really hurts me though because he continually chooses my “family” over me. This past weekend was his college graduation and it was super hard for me to be there with them in the same room. It was a beautiful ceremony and I’m so happy for and proud of my son, but I’m also really hurt and it brought up A LOT of feelings for me.

[@celiastratton7597]

I’m so thankful for you right now I hope you could plz help me I’ve got 4 kids 2 of my kids just turned 19 my other 2 are 16 and 15 everything was going ok then suddenly I conversed with my kids about having a say so in a protection order that their grandfather got against me with all my kids under it, the judge granted it for 10 years that is when my last child turns 18. In the last 3 years I’ve been haveing regular visits w the protection order there it’s just the grandfather passed and bc he passed the strict rules on them not seeing me or talking to me at all was removed when he died. So I was asking my children if they still wanted this protection order and I asked them bc a child is able to make decisions on this at 12 to choose weather or not they want to see me..anyways to my horror my youngest tore me apart telling me she knows I physically abused her when they were little this is absolutely not true but she says she remembers! How do I even compete with a so called memorie they have? And how did this fake memory come about how do I go against this?

[@rachellel]

I want to say two opposing things: Where have you been all my life? You are able to express this stuff so we’ll! And: I disagree with not telling the kids anything about what’s going on. The cognitive dissonance and loneliness for the kids is too great. I was alienated as a child and desperately wanted to understand what was happening. I asked parents and grandparents. No one would speak about it.

[@playwow2670]

Ive been alienated since birth of my child with extremely minimal contact, currently in court taking forever but looks like im going to win. Honestly the fear of how yo discuss what happened is crippling my hands down biggest worry is how do i appropriately explain what happened to us when my child is old enough. Does anyone have advice on a semi boiler plate way to explain alienation? Im extremely worried about potentially causing a further divide and nobody wants that. The biggest thing i guess is how do you explain things without causing anger or resentment? Sorry about the awkwardness of this and best of luck to anyone in this situation! (We all just want to heal)

[@claudiahoem4291]

Suicidal. My ex family are attorneys and abuse power that has led to cptsd. Yup my daughter tells me to geow up. I need help

[@cgjohnst45]

I think it’s better to not have contact with the alienating parent than it is to empathize with them. Minimize contact as much as possible.

[@ameliarossouw8596]

My daughter's are 18 ,20 ,24 and 26, can I share more truths with them? I was protecting them from truth for a 1.5 yrs now...and in that allowed my ex husband to disempower me up until now!

[@joelG1272]

Verse 1: I would have never imagined it, how could this be? my own two boys could be made to turn on me you used to be my pride and joy But now you see me as nothing but a broken toy I tried to talk to you, but you wouldnt listen You've been brainwashed by your mother's twisted vision She's turned you against me, filled you heads with lies And now you just see me as just a monster in disguise Chorus: I have to give up now, I need to set myself free Because the pain in my heart just wont let me be My own flesh and blood used as soldiers in war against me Just look at what shes done to all lives, cant you see Verse 2: I used to be your hero, the one you looked up to, now thats so long ago I am not the villain, can you open your eyes but you just say no I miss the days when we were close, and we were tight But now you won't even give me a second sight I've tried to fight it, but it's a losing battle Your minds are made up, You just wanna slay me like slaughter house cattle I hope one day her poisioning will stop, for now I have to let you be maybe one day your eyes can be opened and you will finally see. Chorus: I have to give up now, I need to set myself free Because the pain in my heart just wont let me be My own flesh and blood used as soldiers in war against me Just look at what shes done to all lives, cant you see Outro: Blake and Zane as I walk away, I hope you understand, dont hate on me I never wanted this war, I never wanted to be you enemy Sometimes the only way to get someone back, is just to let them go You should also, Set yourself free, find a new path, allow your life to grow So my boys I bid you farewell, with love and regret I hope one day, we can reconcile and forget The pain and hurt that we've caused each other I hope one day we can start anew, with forgiveness for us all, and may be even your mother

[@Ted1775]

Kenny, I need your help please. My daughter is 14 years old.

[@hannaheye]

Im confused why you think it's selfish to text your daughter even if she doesn’t respond. When i wasn't responding to my dad, he still nicely sent me things with no expectations. That showed me he loved me. When he stopped, I took it as that he didn't care anymore. So it's just as likely that it's selfish to stop. Because it lets the targeted parent off the hook for providing demonstrations of unconditional love. There is a huge spectrum between "banging down their door" and disappearing. What do you think of that?

[@axiomaticidioms3857]

I guess it would depend on frequency... For instance, every day is ridiculous...

[@PreciousRegalos]

We have to grieve the lost years . . . and leave the children out of our grieving process.

[@brightpage1020]

Omg - how to keep your boundaries would be helpful for plenty of folks - before divorce and might even prevent some.

[@kennyweiss]

Yes of the free downloads that I provide are very helpful.

[@Hedge_ofthe_earth_fund]

This is happening to me right now my two boys and my daughter

[@jennydrozd29]

Narcissists punish you every time you try to set a boundary. If it was that easy this guy wouldn't have an entire you tube channel on the topic.

[@gregandcarrie2]

I agree with most of your video, but have to disagree with telling the child that both parents love them. (Likely) narcissictic parents do not love their children. Any parent who openly lies and creates (proven) false narrartives about the other parent not only doesn't love the child, but are overtly abuse to the child. By telling the child that parent loves them is condoning and normailizing abuse- the very abuse that got most of us in this position..

[@Thepathof77]

I’m an alienated mother and while I know my children’s father doesn’t love them unconditionally the way I do, I would never tell them their father doesn’t love them. That’s damaging an already damaged child. I couldn’t imagine thinking either of my parents don’t love me and I’m 41 years old

[@bookbeing]

@@Thepathof77 your answer and mindset shows the difference between narc and non narc. You put kids first. The narc doesn't.

[@joyc2339]

sometimes your dealing with mental illness or drug use and you can be putting yourself in a dangerous situation when you want to stay in their lives.

[@PreciousRegalos]

My daughter wanted and wants me dead and actually wanted to hurt me. I feel like the only solution is to be gone, myself, and haven't been taking care of myself over the years. It's almost a passive s**ci*e.

[@TheOne-n2r]

The 4 steps to dealing with alienating parent 1. Empathize- wow sounds really upsetting, that must be very hard for you 2. Ownership- yes I did that (if true) 3. Repeat what there asking 4. Create a boundary

[@rachellel]

Kids can’t look at the court documents unless there are civil and not family court documents. An exception is appellate decisions and briefs. You would have to produce them to show. Family court records are sealed except for orders and pleadings. You can prove if you paid child support, and if you tried to gain custody or parenting time by your documents, but the rest is too legally technical for a young adult with emotions high to navigate. If you are in the position, like I was, too have had to pay to have a transcript made of hearings, then, if there are testimonies that could help the child understand then, maybe hold on to that for when they are adults.

[@brightpage1020]

Man, the changing of topics! You try to make a simple plan for the remainder of the day that is amenable to everyone and suddenly they're telling you about a year's worth of problems they have with you - when all you asked was, "what's on your docket for the day? What would you like to do and get done from this point forward?" And you feel setup.

[@rachellel]

The worst case? I know it’s not a contest… but I used to have 5 kids

[@celiastratton7597]

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked them to choose in the protection order?

[@Puddlepirate_]

I will pray for you to reconcile with your kids again.

[@meryl6220]

I guess I'm in an advanced stage. My kids are now adults. The dad twisted & lied about everything and even court!

[@melindashaw7568]

Sounds so "turn the other cheek" and "give them your coat too"

[@larrylorimer3065]

It's to late for my children as 15 years ago the children assisted the Ex in having their father removed by an Ex-partee order. They told their friends and had a good laugh at their father's expense. After 22 Judges the last one cut the money tree down and a year later the one son shows up to see what happen to the tree. I was not allowed to see or have contact with any of my children for years. This son was Angry, Mad, Violent and I nearly called the Police on him. I settled him down and started to answer any question he had. At first he didn't believe me and I could show him any paper work to him. This is not the same son I knew years ago and I'm having troubles relating to him. I was forced to bury my children to try and get on with my life. Thanks to the COURTS!

[@shelleyd9910]

Very grateful I just found your channel. I never realised how deep this alienation was going. I am struggling how to get my 17 year old son and 14 year old daughter out of the middle. My stbx throws all decisions on parenting time to my children telling them that they are young adults and can make all their own decisions. He considers the plan as optional and due to their ages I have no legal recourse. At the same time he has manoeuvred majority time with both children because I was the one who had to leave the house and they are comfortable there. I will have to settle that property this year to move on and I am concerned he will spin that to make me look bad. My communication with my stbx is text or email only. And the first thing I did when I got a place to live (I left in a hurry and had nowhere to live) was to get them a phone between them so I always had a way to contact them and they could video phone me. And I pay for it. I communicate with my stbx all parenting stuff after the children and I discuss on the phone what their extracurricular activities are. He does not reciprocate. He has both children utterly convinced that they get to do everything they want because it’s their life, including just changing plans of who they are staying with at a moments notice. I am vision impaired and do not drive so suddenly I am trying to figure out what’s going on. He will not communicate AT ALL if there is a change and my daughter forgets to tell me. This leaves me looking confused and unstable while he just tells them this is their right. I have also inconvenienced friends with needing a last minute lift for my child. Both of my children are highly disciplined and my son is very fearful of leaving home to go to Uni. I wonder if he feels like he has to parent his little sister and protect her till she is ready to leave. I did make the mistake of trying to set the record straight when I apologised to them for leaving in a hurry. And they have both seen his occasional attempted violence. And they heard his profanity punctuated put downs at least once a month for the last decade. I have shared bare bones of age appropriate truth because I felt they deserved to know more than just “it didn’t work”. Both children have told me their Dad does not say mean things about me even though they have been convinced by those who fell for the smear campaign that “Dad was only violent because Mum tried to force him to talk about stuff and that’s controlling.” Anyone have advice or a comment. I do not want to be anything like him so I keep presenting my boundary that they both ‘ask’ instead of just telling me changes at the last minute. I have asked them to just quietly say “Dad that’s between you and Mum.” I just get an angry response that it’s their life. Treading on quicksand here. I feel I need to have a life and capacity to say what suits me as well. I believe modelling a full life will show them what is possible. I also want my children to realise that they can run to me if they need to for safety. I am in Therapy and an online support group but not specifically geared to parental alienation.

[@ryane7906]

Why do they want to make stuff so difficult? It’s really weird

[@jennydrozd29]

Yes, they go out of their way to make everything as impossible, as possible. It's sick.

[@nicholecornes1915]

Omg!

[@amysommersphotography8263]

My 15 year old whom I was close to hasn't talked to me in 7 months

[@alegoricha]

Richard Warshak says it’s OK to speak about mistakes the other parent made. Children need to understand right from wrong and address the elephant in the room.

[@kennyweiss]

It has been my experience that places the child in a double bind and a dual loyalty bind, which further isolates them because now they have to choose sides when all they want to do is love both parents. Furthermore, most parents are so angry at the other parent that they dump that anger into the child, which further damages the child. Once the child becomes an adult, usually 25-35 or older, and only if the child wants to know should the other side of the story be told, but it needs to be done with extreme care and very good boundaries so once again, the child is not placed in the middle or infected with the anger the ex partner might still feel. We all have our own approaches. It sounds like he believes differently. I always believe people should follow the path that they feel suits them best.

[@brightpage1020]

"I'm feeling uncomfortable with your tone. It's distracting me from the content of your message, which seems very important, so I'd like to be able to focus on it. I can't hear you, now, but when you're ready to speak calmly, I'd be happy to listen. Thanks for understanding. Goodbye."

[@kennyweiss]

I think that’s really good. I know that for me I would leave out the part of telling them to speak calmly. At least in my world, a person gets to speak as loud or quiet and irrationally as they choose. Therefore, I don’t like to tell them how to speak. Instead, I would say something more on the lines of…. I can’t hear you right now. I have just found that with loud voices and noises I can’t listen the way I would like. I hope you’re willing to understand. Goodbye.

[@fffrfrw]

But, has these worked? I think Narc always wins. Only a prayer to destroy them will make them rot it hell

[@sandrathomas2893]

They always win every time because it's a higher intelligence from the 4th dimension. We have kingdom authority through petition and prayer if you have the Holy Spirit. This is way out of any frame of a natural construct.

[@joelmckaig8923]

I haven’t been in the picture for so long I’m no longer in the picture

[@seamusmcmanus3089]

Never withold parenting time from the alienator???? I'll think you'll find it's the alienator that does that.

[@anti-narc]

I disagree_ I lost my kid, shes gone, the best I can do now is let her know who her mom really is, she deserves the truth after a life of lies -- my mother is the same pig got checks off my head destroyed most of the beneficial possibilities my early life had-- I waited until she was and adult, and I took the time to try to repair without saying to much..... her mom sabotaged that

[@kimparke6653]

This crime only stops when alienated children/adults speak out. #theantialienationproject

[@Hedge_ofthe_earth_fund]

I’m terrified of my ex-wife

[@sonyaclove4178]

Why didn’t you just divorce her vs cheating?

[@JasonJason-b9q]

When you are emotionally wrecked, and in an abuse bubble it’s difficult to choose what clothes to wear never mind to stand up for yourself.