How to BE A MAN: essential and performative masculinity

[@psychacks]

There is a contemporary crisis in masculinity. Whereas 100 years ago, everyone seemed to take it for granted what it meant to be a man, today the topic is rife with dissention and speculation. Unfortunately, much of the advice men hear today pertains to what I call "performative masculinity": a suite of behaviors that can be learned to communicate masculinity socially. While there is nothing wrong with this, such advice fails to cut to the heart of the matter. In today's episode, I discuss the two attributes of "essential masculinity". Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #men #masculinity

[@nerlind]

I am sure some asked the question but it was phrased differently. Also, it is easy to say "I am conventional therefore I am fulfill the definition."

[@Force1Com]

Doctor orian stop fooling your self bro, when the society falls, people like you will too. You don't have what it takes to exist in a world without laws

[@Force1Com]

What a joke, tired of hearing this nerd sh*t all the time

[@Force1Com]

What a fkin joke

[@Force1Com]

Gd I can't even listen to this sh*t

[@wayne7936]

"suffer the risk of being somebody" is a great phrase

[@Cyber-JOC]

And what if you don’t make the grade? I see the risk isn’t worth the reward.

[@Feezwa]

@@Cyber-JOC The grade is not the focus. Look further than that! I failed, still do, but redo! Have courage! I am not anymore the one I was when I didn't suffer the risk of being somebody. I am more now, and more the more I do. That's the reward of the risk of being somebody .

[@deathbybears]

​@@Cyber-JOCyou will falter here and there. That's part of it.

[@DryWall-wd4ei]

Menn are fine the way they are. They really haven't changd. Its postmodernn womn who are deeeply flawd and need correcttion.

[@AshAndCream]

​@@Cyber-JOC stay weak

[@evgeniptolemy5570]

Having a spine = the courage to say "No." Having balls = the courage to say "Yes."

[@filthycasual9381]

I see it as testifying to objective truth rather than merely expressing subjective preferences, and laying down and adhering to law - your own law that aligns with the truth, no matter the cost. In other words: truth before face (having spine) and principled actions (having balls) regardless of the cost.

[@mateusz4r]

Interesting simplification. I could agree (in most cases)

[@MomentoHodie]

Having a brain= the courage to know the difference

[@Heartog.Design]

It gets difficult, when these 2 are in combat with each other. I think it is always important to look at what are you scared of but doing it, would indicate having balls. For example, if you're scared of talking to a girl, you find attractive, then you should approach her BUT if somebody tells you to talk to a girl, you find attractive and you're not feeling it that day, than you show your spine by saying no.

[@lovethyneighbor3401]

you said a whole lot of nothing pal @@filthycasual9381

[@AetherXIV]

the word for me is "responsibility". a man takes responsibility for himself and once he does that he can extend that circle further and further

[@txndo]

Facts. A man’s ability to respond to a situation is directly tied to having a spine and being ballsy.

[@forgottenfuryan]

Women are so by default, women live life on easy mode.

[@prometheuscoal]

kinda true, but to me it became kind of a buzzword, it keeps getting thrown around carelessly

[@angstvision7108]

​@@forgottenfuryan if they're attractive

[@jayslungsbloodclot2733]

"Physician, heal thyself" - Ancient proverb

[@tatanovic27]

Having a spine: standing up for what you believe in and your mission Having a pair of balls: willing to achieve your purpose no matter what others think Thank you

[@danmamo5849]

boom!

[@EvidenceandReasons]

Outstanding video. YEAH! My Dad was the manliest man and most courageous man I knew. He fought as a Guerilla in WW2 in the jungles of the Philippines. He was afraid in combat, but courage is doing the right thing even if you are afraid. I remember many nights when I heard him screaming in his sleep from a nightmare. Once I told him I heard him screaming, and asked him what his nightmare was about. He said he was reliving what it was like to be shelled by artillery. He survived, he endured, and didn't retreat even though he was scared. He fought for what he believed in. Once a certain other man was harassing a certain woman, and Dad, unarmed intervened to protect the woman and said, "you'll have to kill me first to get to her". The would-be assailant backed down. The woman Dad rescued eventually became his wife and then my mother. RIP dad. I love you and miss you...

[@jdblack9703]

I met a Philippine Scout. He was old when I met him. He was about 5 feet tall but one big man. He was fearless, polite, clean as a farmer can be. I wish I could have gotten to know him better. We saw each other now and then but we were both working so we just nodded in recognition and kept going.

[@lartdelavivre1]

Your dad is the man of man!

[@jessenfox2086]

I’m sorry your dad went through that. Having awful PTSD because a capitalist government sent you to terrorize a weaker nation is an awful lot in life. God rest his soul and I pray we never send a never soldier abroad again.

[@15fear18]

W dad

[@RJT-hp8vk]

⁠@@jessenfox2086 you sound like hate speach uninformed marxist a product of public school. Try opening your mind, learning correct history and being thankful your predecessors were not tortured, murdered, raped and starved at the hands of the japanese and germans in WE2. It was a terrible time and there are many wonderful Japanese and Germans that I am friends with today. But your opinion is very distorted, disturbing and disrespectful. Enjoy the freedom to say stupid inaccurate and false statements others have fought and died to provide for you,

[@tancreddehauteville764]

Being a man is about knowing yourself, knowing what you want out of life, and having the willpower and determination to achieve this.

[@Kitiwake]

No guarantees there.

[@tongobong1]

And above all being genuine man and not a smiling nice guy that talks way too much.

[@tancreddehauteville764]

@@tongobong1 Right, so you're saying be Clint Eastwood or John Wayne? That's a tall order!

[@tongobong1]

@@tancreddehauteville764 yes if a man is genuine then he resembles Clint or John and women love him.

[@clevelandwilliams5922]

& Doing it.

[@LimitedEditionMan]

Your messages are so clear and concise. So many people out there need your messages.

[@psychacks]

Thanks for the love, Daniel. All the best.

[@absoluteyusuf]

@@DB-sd3cw bruh

[@alfyfaza6536]

@@DB-sd3cw bruh your'e nobody man

[@nicolem889]

@@DB-sd3cw Facts. while we're giving out 100s...😆

[@mcmerry2846]

man gives money to the rich

[@Chrissy666c]

The fact that nobody talks about forbidden books on Revandles is so crazyy

[@alessio36984521]

I just asked a girl I liked from my favourite coffeebar if she wanted to go grab a drink, got rejected but it felt enourmously freeing! I stood up for what I believed in and rejection is part of life. I'm not going to die from it so why not bother the risk. I'm growing more balls and whatever is meant for me will come, but you got to be willing to make the first move.

[@raven4140]

How many balls have you grown now?

[@lguinancio]

congrats bro

[@sayanghosh5462]

@@raven4140 🤣🤣

[@herps588]

Congrats to you man, why is this shit impossible tho 😭

[@goodvives1038]

One thing I learned is never ask, just say " Devora let's go for a coffee at lunch time" you are enforcing you language but not given her an option but to say "Ok"... it works 100%%

[@SarcasticSamurai22]

Hey man! You saved my life. I wish I had a father or a brother like you.

[@kiwiviking175]

'Most of the things in your head were put there by other people and a lot of that stuff is garbage'; straight up. I love the way this guy puts things across so clearly.

[@vtc8570]

The trick is keeping what's good and removing the years of garbage that we've been fed.

[@williampan29]

how do we know this guy is not putting garbage to us, the same as other guys or sources before him?

[@RealmsOfThePossible]

It is essential that you program your own mind or others will do it for you.

[@techsir8866]

As a man that was raised mostly by a single mom and was very feminine for many years and has now grown a lot to be a strong man. I could have not come up with a better definition. Thank you for your input Doc.

[@watamutha]

Same here. I often tell single mothers that most dont know what they put their sons through by being a single mom.

[@MasculinityUnleashed-q6f]

I have huge respect for men who have had to build themselves up without a father figure. I've been around my mother and sisters all my childhood, but it has made me more masculine because I've been more protective towards them and strengthened myself, taking responsibilities to save them the trouble. But this may be because I did have a father (though spent most of the time away at work) but gave me an example, an archetype for masculinity.

[@DrFranq]

This resonates profoundly with me. I grew up taken care of by my mother and grandmother. No father figure whatsoever. I believe they tried, but there was never any discomfort in their efforts, so I grew up 'weak'. I know now that now. But being 44, and knowing tbat I'm not really a 44 year old man, yet, has been a such a challenge. Every day is a struggle, I wake up and try to climb that mountain. One day I'll reach my goal, for now discipline helps, if nothing else. Thanks Doc, and thanks @Tech Sir. Good luck to all here on such a journey.

[@Kitiwake]

You have less of an idea than this guy then.

[@TheCsePower]

@@watamutha same here brother. Its hard to find sources on what we can do become to better.

[@Guildofarcanelore]

There used to be a book “Real men don’t eat quiche”. My wife makes an excellent quiche, and I enjoy it. I always wanted to write a colliery, “Real men don’t let other people tell them what to eat.”

[@sethbrolsma516]

Cool story bro but do me a favor and don't say quiche. It looks like a dirty word in French. Almost onomatopoeic.

[@Guildofarcanelore]

@@sethbrolsma516 well, I already know some dirty words in French. Baby seal for example..

[@sethbrolsma516]

@@Guildofarcanelore 👁👃👁 touche

[@Guildofarcanelore]

@@sethbrolsma516 merci, Mon ami. Bon soir

[@davidhibbs3396]

Except their wives. That's a given.

[@merisasmit6583]

Thanks

[@tr33tv]

Shadow in proportion to your beliefs is a deep insight I hadn’t considered. Thanks doc you’re one of the heroes for men today

[@robintate]

👍🏻 subscribed.

[@williamtudyjr6665]

Thanks! You are a true asset to mankind. Please continue to inspire and provoke thought.

[@IzaiahDillion]

My view 1. In control of your mind at all times -chaotic environments -feeling disrespected/ anger -sexual desires 2. Makes them self uncomfortable for the sake of growth - do what you need to do because you will be better because of it -public speaking -gym -avoiding immediate pleasure 3. Needs to be capable to protect him self and loved ones - some form of self defense -mentally prepared to use it

[@nadahere]

Your description ventures into the performative arena. KISS!

[@Louisadamson]

Thanks! Good stuff! Great to see you on the whatever podcast. Hopefully you can make the rounds on other podcasts and channels to share your insights with a range of audiences. Recurring on whatever would be amazing.

[@psychacks]

Thanks for the love, Nosmada. Your support is appreciated.

[@chrisfabre23]

Oh wait he was? I gotta look it up! Thanks mate 👍

[@cherylwade264]

Show your true colors and walk away from trouble when you can.

[@Ben-mv7xb]

You're the man doc! Been watching a bunch of your videos. You articulate clarity which provides a not only a deep sense of understanding, but gives strength and support in this sometimes...crazy modern world. Thank you very much and keep up the great work. -Ben

[@tastydumpling9909]

what currency is that bro?

[@nfrcomputers]

@@tastydumpling9909 israel shekels

[@DoctorCannabis1]

it's shekel, he just donated around 70$@@tastydumpling9909

[@DoctorCannabis1]

מקצוען

[@starmorpheus]

@@tastydumpling9909that’s like $5

[@INHALERS_PRODUCTIONS]

you put what many of us felt deep down into words. now that we see the formula it will be alot easier to move towards male excellence. every man should see this.

[@Matthewmest]

I'm 25 years old. My father has always been so distant to me. I admit that I never learnt what being a man is. I had no male role model and raised my my mother and my sister. Yet I feel this masculine energy in me time to time and I want to explore on it. If there are other people like me know that you're not alone in this world. We can be our own role model.

[@CashD-j8b]

@@Matthewmest suggest you read up on Shiva , and Shakti and 12 forms of Shiva , a philosophical take further deeper into this

[@Matthewmest]

@CashD-j8b Appreciated it! I will definitely take a look at them

[@Tiosh]

When you stand up for yourself the initial moment is fear. But it quickly becomes so much better the moment it is known to everyone that you're not tolerating it. It's a muscle that needs to be developed just like any other muscle but you'll feel so much better when you finally do stand up for yourself.

[@Automotib]

Agreed. Courage and not backing down is definitely something to be learned and isn't inherent, it's a choice

[@marcelobasilio2028]

@@Automotib Wrong. It is genetic and it all boils down to how much prenatal exposure of testosterone you had in your mommy's womb, and of course, also pubertal T with a healthy environment with healthy development, the perfect combo. Low neuroticism is not something you become but just simply ARE. Free will copers, keep coping.

[@JoaquinEscalante-rq5bg]

@@marcelobasilio2028 🤓🤓🤓

[@tomunderwood3756]

​@@marcelobasilio2028 wrong again, blasting testosterone can correct this

[@Fujtajblus]

Agreed. We could add that the first time you standup, it might feel like you are just a cartboard in a wind. And that can be scary. But over the years, you can become a mountain that nothing will move.

[@imacomputer1234]

agreed. this is exactly what having boundaries in a relationship are about. if you don't set boundaries and also enforce them, you will get walked on, used, and disrespected.

[@Adhanks91]

Great work as usual, looking forward to the next one.

[@Weslyegful]

I listened to this video months ago, and it still sticks with me. Just want to say thanks.

[@big6316]

Admitting you're wrong quickly and fixing what led you to it without whining or emotion. Not being afraid of confrontation but almost never initiating it. Not being afraid of emotion but almost never expressing it outside of very narrow circumstances. Not being afraid or incapable of leading but not assuming you always have to lead and being just as capable of being a good soldier under someone else's leadership. Being honest.

[@dipperjr7696]

Best answer I've heard so far from someone on the internet. No tough guy shit, no social construct nonsense, no alpha male garbage. A spine and some balls. I'll use that to help construct my opinion on what a man/masculinity is in the future. I guess what im looking for is what makes masculinity unique to males and what makes femininity unique to females.

[@AmmoDude]

Standing up for yourself can be perceived as "tough guy shit" to those that you offend by doing so. Learn to set boundaries for yourself and require "your" boundaries be respected by people you come in contact with. Masculinity is not "unique" to males nor is "femininity" unique to females. Be yourself and allow others to be who they are; your true friends will rise to the surface. You can have a lot of acquaintances, people you know by name, but you will find you have very few "friends." Finally, one of the quickest ways to meet a nurse is to ride a bull...............

[@frankolwenda5128]

This man's wisdom is unparalleled.

[@jermainjagdeo7758]

Excellent advice! Your videos motivate me to become the best version of myself and your transparency sheds a new light on the reality of the human psyche.

[@joechiro]

Thanks

[@AdvaitaUpasani]

I always resounded with the poem "If" bu Rudyard Kipling in this context: If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream-and not make dreams your master; If you can think-and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings-nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And-which is more-you’ll be a Man, my son!

[@keypawn3024]

That poem has always defined manhood for me. "If you can bear to hear the truths you've spoken, Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools" Always gets me!

[@GarrettGunzin-sr3ze]

Thank you so much!! You are literally re-opening the world of relationships with women for me! Please keep on doing what you are doing!🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@thebettermandaily]

As a man I have learned that creating a mission statement for myself has been a gamechanger. I use this mission statement as my point of reference. When I want to do things, when I have an opinion, I always refect on my mission statement. Does what I am going to do or say align with my mission statement? When I hear "have a spine" I hear have a purpose and stand by it. Great video.

[@msid7748]

What does your mission statement look like?

[@Lamxx2]

"mission statemen" is a great sentence

[@fish0090]

Thanks!

[@parallaxpoint]

Well said. I'll add that a lot of what helps us to be men is a healthy level of testosterone. Which means we need to sleep well, exercise, lower our stress, and avoid chemicals that can disrupt our hormones (such as in plastics). It's something we need to take seriously since our testosterone levels have dropped a whopping 50% from our forefathers.

[@LeFlamel]

Dairy is filled with mammalian compatible estrogen, so you might want to avoid that too. The more you know.

[@luckyg8971]

Couldn't agree more. Having healthy T levels makes this more achievable

[@loveisthemostpowerfulforce1397]

Yes! Ever since increasing my testosterone with diet and supplements I've noticed I have started behaving very differently. People who are very used to me being a yes man and never saying no are shocked when I say no to their uncomfortable requests or demands with a serious face. I always used to smile nervously and comply. None of this happened because I watched Psych hack videos or anything like that.

[@LeFlamel]

@@alanh7247 if that's the case no one would have ever made the argument that the phytoestrogen (plant estrogen) in soy products have any effect on people. So either neither have an effect or both do.

[@YashKnowsBest]

@@LeFlamel idk it’s def better to drink cows milk than that soy and oat shit. Farmers drink normal milk all the time

[@zacksizov7563]

I'm 22 years old. And this video spoke greatly to me. I appreciate your commitment to serve and to share useful wisdom. I'll be coming back again and again to watch more of your videos. Thanks for being real.

[@1OfAKind-e9q]

Forbidden books on Revandles exist, and yet no one says a word?

[@dsweet5859]

This is one of the coolest and most honest channels I’ve come across. You’re real, sir. Keep it up! You have my support

[@ryans6699]

That’s right fellas, stand tall, cast shade on the haters and don’t care what they think. Welcome to life as a Man. Great & concise content Sir, Thank You!

[@hulkcarranza8583]

Simply amazing how far society has fallen

[@WildMidwest1]

Whenever I find myself having these thoughts, I rephrase the question: in which society would I rather live? If the answer is India or Argentina, then I set my intention to visit India or Argentina. Signs “the west” is crumbling are everywhere, but in reality “the west” has been crumbling for a long time. Read Dickens. Other societies have their soft underbellies too. Corruption tends to be a lot worse most other places, whereas US corruption is more focused in Washington and in large financial centers. Orion is advocating for men to stand up and cast more of a shadow. That is where we should be focusing, not looking so much at a glorious past that may never have been.

[@dre7256]

You don’t gotta be so cynical bro.. times have just changed really fast and humans are playing catch up that’s all

[@whocarescrapsa]

I am at the point of sitting back with my popcorn and watching it burn - totally detached from it. I was watching a podcast and a 23 year old girl was trying to destigmatize herpes, or any sexually transmitted disease. Her argument was that sex workers (girls on onlyfans) are tested for STDs far more regularly than the general public and are therefor healthier and cleaner. In her mind, she is cleaner and healthier than a loyal couple that has been married and exclusive for 10 years, that has not been tested. What do we destigmatize after herpes? herione? murder? I show my 85 year old mother a video of a biological boy that thinks he is a woman playing full contact rugby against girls and injuring 3 of them in one match. I can't convince her this is real. She thinks it is people playing pranks. I wish she was right.

[@WildMidwest1]

@@whocarescrapsa Which city are we living in now... Sodom or Gonorrhea?

[@dre7256]

@@whocarescrapsa maybe talk to a professional about that and get the weight off your shoulders, therapy is powerful

[@billconant3822]

thank you Orion. I'm 71 years old and I've been looking my whole life for someone to tell me what a man is. You just did, with humor and common sense.

[@docdiggler6581]

I like this guy. Thanks for not saying anything about crying or vulnerability like every other therapist on youtube. We all know who we really respect in society.

[@user60521123]

I usually avoid talk of what a “man is”, but this made a lot of sense. While watching this video, I immediately knew which parts of my life I had been avoiding (not having balls). It’s strange how we can seek help as if we don’t know how to fix our lives, but the answers are so obvious like we knew all along. Great video!

[@adameberlein182]

Thanks!

[@farscape1975]

Dude!!!! How I wish I heard this 20 years ago. I'd have become a man much faster. For most of the past 20 years (after joining graduate school to do a PhD) I had neither spine nor balls. I developed a spine when I turned back to my religious faith in 2013, and only this year have developed a pair of balls (small ones) by being more vocal about my beliefs. And I feel a word of difference. Would have loved to share this with my students!

[@Mohammadali_9999]

I've watched three videos of yours from yesterday till now, it's a rare case that I give thumbs up let alone do it three times in a row. You just say very logical and sane things.

[@xamrd]

This channel deserves way more attention. Thank you Dr. Taraban for sharing your wisdom with us!

[@RR-et6zp]

you have to be able to take someones life and hold a baby within the same day

[@alexgataric]

This channel is pure gold. You should have far more views and subscribers.

[@Paragon_1111]

Thank you , I’ve been contemplating ending everything for a while, I can’t how to get over this rut in my life and it’s all my fault. I hate what I’ve become , I’ve made everything hell, and now even circumstances I can’t control feel worse. I’m struggling with a addictition . I’m not weak, people look up to me . I will find a way,

[@guitarista666]

Actually, you have a lot of company. Many people are in a situation similar to yours. Stay strong, hang in there, and dig your way out. Best of luck.

[@Libertarianmobius1]

" A warrior doesn't give up what he loves, he finds the love in what he does" Only men find meaning in struggle and suffering. Bring order. Women and children are there for the chaos and to create with them meaningful things. Stay strong my friend.

[@guitarista666]

@@Libertarianmobius1 This sounds like self- aggrandizing nonsense to me.

[@josiahcarroll8576]

Im sorry to hear that you're going through it man, but know that Jesus loves you and cares for you. Believe in Him and you will be saved and have eternal life. John 3:16

[@julesfalcone]

You are probably being way too hard on yourself. Most don't take any responsibility. You may be taking too much responsibility?

[@DrSimonFokt]

More men should appreciate the fact that masculinity is often performative

[@atomek6779]

"This is why we respect people who stand up for right, despite the personal risk" it's big true. I'll tell you something if you are young - DO NOT EVER BE SCARED OF CONFLICT WITH SOMEONE. When i was 19 and went to first job i was agreeable and nice boy, always helping people because i was scared this person won't like me if i say no. When you helping people all the time they expect you are gonna help them all the time. You know what's happened when i said "sorry, not now i don't have time"?. The response was: WHAAAAT?! WHY U WON'T HELP ME? and this person start to backstabbing me. Listen this guy little boys, stand tall and have balls. It's really hard at the beginning to say "no" but trust me, the more you say "no" the more people respect you. Don't be even scared to lose friends, if you have "friend" who even sometimes makes funny of you and crosses your borders, don't be scared and just quit this relation. Things like gym or martial arts are just accessories for being confident. In workplace even if someone is 2x bigger than you he can't hurt you. Don't be scared guys. If you are scared to conflict someone, just ask yourself at first place "is this person can hurt me?". Even if you gonna be fired from work, life goes on and you are still alive. Live YOUR OWN life not your mother/dad/friends life, don't ask for permission, don't listen orders, don't think "oh whats my parrents gonna think if i will do it", take life in your own hands and decide about it by YOURSELF. My own family all the time trying to change me and telling "Why you doing this and this. Why you doing so much risk. Get safe job and don't change anything", listen it's my life and i don't give a shit, my life my consequences

[@forgottenfuryan]

Women are infinitely more valuable than men, to the point of absurdity due to the reproductive bottleneck.

[@JohnBrown-ig5nc]

Perfectly said

[@M0viLover]

"When you are helping people all the time they expect you are gonna help them all the time." Yup. I had a Business Law Professor who would share .. "guidance" now and then. One tidbit was DO NOT do "110 percent" when first starting a new job. If *you* set your performance THAT high, then when you want to throttle it down to "normal," IT WILL APPEAR as if you are slacking off.

[@forgottenfuryan]

@@M0viLover Story of my life. I just want to try hard, coach! 🥺

[@DaveE99]

You do need a good sense of a persons emotional capacity to deal with the uncertainty and perception of imperfect control. Like if they can not regulate enough to cause their fight or flight reflex to calm down and allow their frontal lobe to take over, no matter what you do (limit you try 10 different things) if it dosent work, at a certain point your just being a codependent fixer and trying to fix something out of a need for desperation. Some peoples nervous systems are just not very capable of calm reasonable thought.

[@larrywhittemore9362]

You rocked it doc! I'm 75 now, and I've heard no better definition. I call it willing to stand tall in the pocket, and knowing the hit is coming, as in football... bravo!

[@halrogoff-lx7fs]

I have watched a bunch of your presentations and will watch the rest. I am 72, married twice to interesting women in difficult relationships, 4 kids, variety of careers. Still have a lot to learn. Thank you, Orion. Listening to your presentations definitely nurtures the "spine and balls". I have recommended you to my sons. And your presentations are very well done.

[@vivianMarvin-z6k]

This compelling video brings back terrible memories of my recent breakup after four years of dating. My dearest friend made the decision to go, and I was left with an inexhaustible hurt. I can't even begin to imagine my life without him, much as I keep trying to make amends. I'm frustrated. I want to write about how much I miss him here because I can't seem to get him out of my head.

[@Jennyfenty-n1b]

I understand how hard it is to let go of someone you love; after a five-year relationship ended, I was unable to simply let him go; instead, I tried everything to get him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance.

[@Jennyfenty-n1b]

Introducing Father Obah Eze, a well-known spiritual advisor who is famous for his ability to bring back former romantic partners.

[@vivianMarvin-z6k]

I am grateful for this important knowledge. Thank you for the advice. I looked up Father Obah Eze and he seems to be a real guy.

[@Leoo117]

Its good to mention that courage is basically a trait that is healthy for both men and women to have. It definitely makes us all more attractive and just happier within ourselves. Granted, it makes men more attractive in a different sort of way, so I get your point here. This explanation is just vague, so its open to many interpretations that you didn't intend.

[@forgottenfuryan]

Women are celebrated for cowardice because they're much more valuable to society, men are conditioned to be disposable.

[@lucasribeiro3749]

This was the best video I've ever seen on the topic. It gave me peace of mind, because I realized that I already have everything I need. Growing up without a father's presence is not easy, we end up looking for this guidance elsewhere, thankfully we have professionals like you. Greetings from Brazil.

[@savagewolf2037]

This is one of the best videos I’ve ever watched. Short and concise.

[@phatcat3705]

Thanks for bringing this up. It's society's toxic views on what "makes" a man (i.e., aggressive conquerer) that causes men to question themselves and their values, and vice versa for women. Values are key. Women like men who are secure in themselves, their values, and their place in the world, and standing up for them, over some insecure, aggressive, controlling loudmouth misogynist overly self-conscious about defending his "manhood." Men can be sensitive and strong at the same time. It all comes down to values and sticking to one's guns.

[@RussellWashington-n7v]

Loved this video!!! Truth! Having balls is having the willingness to suffer for being our authentic selves!!! Yes.

[@kenzalewski6695]

I did like this video and I think that Orion's distinction between essential and performative masculinity is important. A man who hunts, is 6'4, has a huge beard and has a lot of guns but doesn't have conviction and self discipline, a good work ethic, etc is not a real man. However, I think there is an element that Orion didn't include. A real man, I think, is someone who is willing to do the hard and difficult things in life that are necessary to attaining some good. Whether it be mastering a skill, building a business, self mastery, raising a family, serving the community etc. To take it further, a true man is willing to SACRIFICE himself and his selfish interests for the sake of others. There really is no greater act of manhood than to give his life courageously to save someone else. And this ties in too, to my main critique of Orion's content. I think there is a lot of good information and truth on this channel. However, a true man, I believe, is someone who does not chase women and does not primarily use women for sexual pleasure. Pursuing selfish pleasure is NOT masculine, it is self indulgent and, in fact, effeminate, as the man takes his slefish pleasure ahead of the woman's best interests. . A man is someone who treats women as a gentlemen and seeks to marry a women with good character before having relations with her. A man then sacrifices himself, his time, his money, and his work in service of his wife and children and the wider community. There is no harder job that supporting a family and raising children that are polite, caring, disciplined and contribute to the world. Orion would probably say that is not realistic in today's world, that women can't be trusted and people just use each other in transactional relationships. However, I believe Orion's view is framed by not seeking the right type of women. If you are looking for a sexual partner first and primarily, you will never find a decent wife who will stay committed. These points are contrary to ways of the world, but I can say from experience this is true. I welcome any comments or critique of these points

[@wc194]

Yes and no. I agree with your entire content about a being the complete higher level man. All very correct. But Orion does speak in other videos of not pursuing women who are not the right one. He also speaks to doing the harder things such as standing up for your values and beliefs. He just did not elaborate on what that may be as you did. I believe this video was intended to be in simple entry level primer on what is a true man is. A video to start the conversation and introspection of ourselves as men. I find your comments to be perfect in this aspect as a beginning for follow on conversations. Thank you for speaking up. I know others are listening and learning from your comments.

[@ecclairmayo4153]

Excellent detail! Thus us rhe kind if man my father was. Totally disciplined. This makes for a great leader as well. The path you laid out takes discipline, delayed gratification and sacrifice. Three things many people today aren't willing to do. Honestly, this comment should be pinned to the top!

[@burt2800]

Great stuff. I'm 28 and learning this the hard way at the moment. It's taking a lot of effort, but I think it's starting to pay off.

[@RR-et6zp]

you have to be able to take someones life and hold a baby within the same day

[@inconnu4961]

@@RR-et6zp LMAO How many people have you met outside of prison have taken a person's life? Not everyone is permitted to join the military ( I was excluded because of a birth defect), and of the many who have, how many were in a position to fire a gun and an enemy?

[@RR-et6zp]

you're insane @@inconnu4961

[@Dak1549]

@@inconnu4961 It's about the principle of it. Be willing to sacrifice safety for justice, to protect those you love. At the same time, to have the ability to show gentleness and nurture your children, tenderness to your wife.

[@mkf628]

He wrote 'be able to'. Not 'required to'. READ.@@inconnu4961

[@ka9202]

Separating the performative aspect from what a man is intrinsically is so key.

[@balintorosz7619]

That just inspired me not to hide my true self anymore. I am a woman!

[@IAmTheEggMan111]

LOL you grew a pair

[@TheTrendDoctor]

😂😂

[@forgottenfuryan]

When women don't need to do anything but hit puberty to be women.

[@flemutter7211]

😂😂😂 u crazy lol

[@angstvision7108]

​@@forgottenfuryan love boxxx

[@Hashim305]

Strength, Courage, Mastery, Honor. Having a spine and some balls is literally the first 2 of Jack Donovan's tactical virtues.

[@polemeros]

He's done great work.

[@an3mus]

Amen

[@forgottenfuryan]

Women are women without any qualifications

[@ggluos4971]

I belive your definition is really good, short, understandable and just true. I expirienced it the same way growing up, standing up for my self and the things I belive in (mostly my own sense of justice) always earned me respect even though I also had more than one conflict in which it got physical. Most of the time these "fights" didn't even have a "winner" or I might have sometimes been the "loser" but I feel like I never "lost" something. My peers just respected me for having a spine and balls.

[@hamothemagnif8529]

I’m thankful every day for the moments i stood my ground to defend my values while being coerced to act otherwise. Isolated moments that could lead to a lifetime of pride or regret.

[@santiagopereira4691]

I found this video without looking for it and I surprisingly gave me very good feelings while watching it. I agree with you and I find very helpful to support my thoughts with someone like you. Your words/ideas/message gives me confidence to reaffirm the new concept of a man and motivates me to become one. You are a source of inspiration. Thank you!

[@quanganhnguyen2075]

In the era of women, being a strong man is even more necessary 💪.

[@forgottenfuryan]

Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows. My strength is my own.

[@superboy3633]

True said

[@thomasparg1981]

One of the best videos I have seen on the subject. At 41 years old I still struggle with this question (How to BE A MAN) and haven't quite figured out who am I or what exactly should I do. The older I get the more this not knowing bothers me.

[@ArthurJacksonJr]

Thanks!

[@DNA350ppm]

The German philospher Ernst Bloch, writer of the "Principle of Hope" made the concept "aufrechter Gang" central in his life-work (many possible translations, like: walk with one's head held up high, having a backbone, not bending, being unafraid). He chose this as the central concept of a value-based, unscared existence and the spine of his philosophy, his view of the world's and the human potential. These virtues mentioned by Dr Taraban, are absolutely essential for being masculine, but they are not excludingly masculine traits, many feminine women have them, too, and indeed, figuratively it takes some balls to be a feminine woman. Look around. Women have stood their ground in so many important issues about motherhood, children's rights, civil rights, organization for peace and equality. And also having guts privately against players and seducers, especially when they are higher up in a hierarchy. Women have stood up for their sons, too, for example against military oppression, as well as for labor unions, voters' rights, environmental protection, animal protection, in education, etc, in many movements that require courage. Women have stood up for feminine values and for humane values really valiantly throughout history - not as the only ones, but together with male comrades, or against some powerful men opposing such values, for example fascist movements. To be *biologically* a male, you need XY chromosomes, and to be *manly* you need to be adult and all the things Dr Taraban mentions, i e encompass classical manly values and virtues. In some societies a man would write sentimental poems and cry with his friends, learn Greek and Latin and even Persian as foreign languages; in others he would be the first to sacrifice himself (saving women and children first); in others he would wear fancy dress and strutt in wigs and lace like a peacock, which is not manly in westerns societies now, but was so once, historically, not so long ago. A certain degree of adaptation to the norms in their contemporary society and a certain guts to oppose these norms, are healthy manly traits, according to my social-psychological perspective. Men like Viktor Frankl, Erich Fromm, JRR Tolkien, Joseph Campbell, Harry Belafonte, Wendell Berry, Jordan Peterson, Glenn Kirschner, are a few examples of such men. There are millions of them, famous or not, and women tend to call them "good men" or "real men". And they need not at all look like the caricature in the thumbnail picture in today's video. Great, but short, novels to read about men with spine and balls, are Nevil Shute's "Trustee from the Toolroom", Anthony Trollope's "The Warden" (two great manly characters), and "My Father's Glory" by Marcel Pagnol, which all show that you dont' get a spine and balls just by being born biologically a man, it is a process.

[@donnieenglish5658]

Also I would like to add that being emotionally stable when you're communicating with women can go a long long way. It's one of the essential parts to become a masculine man. I see many guys in the west being loud and hysterical when they are talking to women and that has to be changed. Personally, when I did that, so many things have changed in my relationships with women. ( Had nearly 100 dates within the last 7-8 months) and before that I was a very hysterical,vulgar and short tempered person but as soon as I understood the whole thing with emotional stability and combined it with internal confidence, I started to see very very good results. Also again this is just one thing and I agree with you on all the things that's mentioned in the video as well.

[@donnieenglish5658]

@@happydogg312 Understanding women's psychology man. Without experience, none of the advice will work. 👍

[@Leo-rh6rq]

That's a date every other day. Are you OK or struggling with attachment issues? Personally, I would feel worthless if I spent all of that time for different ever-changing people.

[@nxtetg]

Orion, you’re a legend! So profoundly delivered

[@Audisebas21]

Thank you Sir I definitely needed this. In a constant world of crippling bullshit and a lot of consumption sometimes it is difficult to see why so many of us Men are lost. Being 20 and growing up without a father has made it difficult but it’s also has made it great. It’s made me reliable and as well conscious of my own actions. There is a lot of stigmatism when it comes to what it means to be a man or the definition of “ be a Man “ I fully agree with what you said. A lot of men or “boys” will say that being a man means you have to get big fuck your feelings and stop giving a shit. While physical strength is great for both mental and physical it’s not everything. It’s very important to be aware of how all these little connotations affect us psychologically. I do believe in controlling your emotions. Men that control their emotions are stoic. I’m not saying keep everything bottled in although if you think before you make a decision and don’t let your emotions get the best of you it will always result in better outcomes for you rather than acting on impulse or on the feelings of yourself or the pressure out on by others. We live in a world of centralization on social media and doing what we feel like doing not what we have to do. A world were we are never bored because we always have our phones and screens to keep us idiotized. In order to be a man, it’s not about just about knowing how to change a tire or knowing how to fight and this and that ect. It’s about standing up for what right and the truth. I don’t want to bring religion into this because everyone has their own opinion but as a man of God it’s important to trust God and know there is a purpose for each and every one of us men. I just turned 20 this July. 5 years ago my buddys and I from swimming class were playing Fortnite and starting highschool laughing and talking about our small problems now most of them are in college, moved out, having a kid and moving on with their lives. My only advice gentleman is always look forward and be grateful. Work hard and stay disciplined and last but not least like David Goggins said a quote that’s stuck with me all these years “ DONT GET POISONED BY BULLSHIT “ Take care y’all. One last thing if you are having problems mentally remember we are men but we are also human there is always a way out and talking to someone is always the answer rather than acting on impulse and making a stupid decision that will ruin your life and the life of others.

[@Doberman_6773]

Orion has the potential to be a major player in what is commonly known as the Manosphere; workable advice for men, without the fluff and buffoonery that seems so prevalent in the space. Did a great job on the Whatever podcast; he should consider collabs with other content providers in the space as well.

[@forgottenfuryan]

Women are infinitely more valuable than men, the disposable sex, because of pregnancy. Fortunately, women must work and marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows.

[@escueladegminor]

Don't forget villainry.

[@johnbmarking]

Interesting video.

[@modickens1272]

Well put! Its having standards and convictions that are unwavering in regards to one's own morality of whats right and wrong and sticking with it. The tree whose roots are deeply entrenched and unmovable no matter the storms that come. Its knowing other people's opinions of you are irrelevant and especially when they go against your belief in whats right and wrong, true or false. Simply put, it's being resolute in the ethics of one's beliefs, at the potential loss of career, family, friends.

[@danielyoung5137]

Excellent presentation! I was in my mid-40’s before l realized my own mother was a controlling, smothering narcissist. I finally dealt with this, which resulted in deciding to “own” my life (spine) and walking out of that family permanently. (growing a pair). Sounds drastic (and it was) but looking back l have never been sorry.

[@gotinogaden]

That's what I did, too. Best decision ever. She would've ruined you and then blame you again for it!

[@lurker-mq4fp]

Never be sorry when dealing with chaotic family members. I feel that pain!

[@CloudSephiroth]

I agree with everything you’ve said. We need to teach young men to be firm, stoic, and disagreeable so that they don’t get taken advantage of and become stronger in the face of life’s adversity. Once that’s ingrained in them, then they can then learn to harness it and back off of it a bit so you don’t come off as extreme or an overall jerk.

[@forgottenfuryan]

What do women need to do to be valuable?....nothing.

[@CloudSephiroth]

@@forgottenfuryan I agree. But that’s the benefit and curse of men and women. Men start with no value and have to build our value, but we have unlimited chances to become great. Women on the other hand, start with all their value and they have to retain it until they can cash in on the best guy they can. The problem is that they don’t have unlimited second chances, there are a few things that can permanently lower their values.

[@forgottenfuryan]

@@CloudSephiroth Agreed. Nature doesn't mistakes. However, marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows and women file 80% of divorces, while single mothers raise 85% of inmates. I'm not signing up for that.

[@CloudSephiroth]

@@forgottenfuryan I don’t blame you. I’m married. But I met my wife when we’re both 25. Also didn’t hurt that she’s a religious and was a virgin before we got married. But that’s super rare nowadays.

[@forgottenfuryan]

@@CloudSephiroth I passed up that opportunity multiple times. All she has to do is get a better offer or change her mind and my life is destroyed. I'd be her piggy bank and weekend babysitter, while she wins either way. I've watched the women my age go infertile without regret. I'm glad that you're happy, though!

[@BBBalin]

I like the content. Keep it up 🙏

[@DanFeldman-Edge]

Bravo! Finally, someone who cuts through all the cultural crap.

[@adhiti07]

7:34 We respect those who are willing to hold the line and stand up for what they believe in, regardless of the consequences. Paradoxically, we like those who don’t seem to care whether we like them or not. On the other hand, we typically have neither respect nor appreciation for those who do things so that we might like them.

[@patrickgrengs7594]

And this is why some 12 year olds (chronologically) are Men and why some 50-somethings are still aimlessly operating as somnambulists. Thank you Dr. Taraban -- your content continues to improve with each successive video -- concise and with valuable practical application. New subscriber. I will not be surprised to see you hit 1M Subs within the next 12 months. Cheers.

[@tongobong1]

5 years old boys look more like real Men than "nice guys" and many nice guys are 80+ years old.

[@salutoitoi]

The valuable knowledge you give us is more worth than that but that’s what I can give right now. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@mkf628]

In a world full of all-knowing 'self-help' gurus and associated nonsense, this channel is a gem.

[@flemutter7211]

Dr Orion thanks for this. I was already doing this and dealing with the consequences at work. Thanks for verbalizing what it is!! Bless u bro

[@Eans_urban_jungle]

Daddy Taraban gonna raise you right

[@MrLugo978]

Man I grew up with out a father and had no advices as such but to hear this man speak the truth about how to be a man is so important, this advice help me a lot I needed to here this thank you 🙏 💪💯

[@adrianvramulet]

Dr. Orion, thank you for distilling masculinity down to its essence. Makes me think of derivations from first principles, as well as finding necessary and sufficient conditions for a property to hold. I will steal and use it from now on. It feels like something all fathers should teach their boys at some point.

[@levong2935]

This is great sensible advice. Sometimes some men get so caught in their own beliefs they don't get to learn and grow. It's definitely a balancing act between being masculine and a man of one book.

[@present-world7]

Wow great perspective! Love the nuances of what it really means to be a man

[@Aquamayne100]

Thank you for breaking this down. Your channel is awesome!

[@RR-et6zp]

you have to be able to take someones life and hold a baby within the same day

[@MsMojomaster]

standing up for bullies is one of the hardest things for me and what makes me most of all feel not like a "real man"

[@siegfriedo]

I like your no BS, straight to the point, style. Also one of the strongly masculine traits btw. 💪💥

[@Matt-rw9py]

My mental journey has led me to the same conclusions. Completely agree.

[@smokingcrab2290]

Hardest part for me is dealing with boredom and loneliness. I could be fulfilling all of my responsibilities, meeting my goals, etc. But it's all just so boring and lonely. Even as a married man I get lonely in my marriage. Once you have kids your relationship with your wife essentially ends. You just become a glorified atm and taxi. It's gets old real fast. Objectively I have a good life and I'm a good dude. I just get bored and lonely. I get tired of it all.

[@Jooo923]

Me too. Same boat. A lot of other girls start looking really good...but alas. Married

[@jamesknight730]

take your wife on a date.

[@Bubbles-od2tv]

Get a divorce I guess. A good marriage should be fun

[@Fourstar97]

I’m not in your boat but it reminded me of a book I read about once a year. John Eldredge- Wild At Heart Give it a shot. Good luck, good dude.

[@ilikepancakes2368]

So spend time with your children. Form a bond. I never understood why some men think being a father is just being a glorified atm.

[@condedemontecristo1]

¡Gracias!

[@Lin-eu4tr]

Thank you.

[@TylerAnderson-xl6hb]

Great video. Some qualities that come to mind are responsibility, ability to stand up for what you believe in, ambition, duty etc. Self knowledge and just knowledge in general is imperative.