Do you ONLY WANT SEX?: what women don't understand about their relationships

[@psychacks]

This is a dishonest question that women often use against men who express too much interest or enthusiasm for the sexual dimension of their relationships. While I believe I can appreciate women's concerns in this regard, the fact of the matter is that sexual relationships are the only socially-acceptable place for men to get their sexual needs met. So bringing their interest and enthusiasm to these relationships is entirely appropriate. And what women seem to fail to appreciate is that almost every other transacted value in their sexual relationship can be gratified elsewhere. Sexual relationships are a specialty business -- and it's not wise to shame one's customers. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #women #relationship #psychology

[@rejectionistmanifesto8836]

Sorry but dont sell this "show me kindness or intelligence". Men are sick of paying money and wasting their time for that. All a woman needs to do is use birth control, Plan B pill, insist a man use a condom and preferably get Tubal Ligation and men are ready to take then out, spend money on them and treat them nice/caring but if she in turn doesn't offer sex then she is useless to most normal men and almost a "lee, ch" in a strong sense.

[@mackes3683]

Is this video about the business relationship between a call girl/prostitue and her customer?

[@adamswierczynski]

Orion, Tony Roma would also never take a lease on a billboard where he holds a rib dripping with sauce at waist level with text reading "come gnaw on my bone" either. That would be self-sabotaging marketing. This is how your video comes across. You sound entitled to a woman who you think is as amazing as you believe yourself to be. Take some time to reflect. Use the framework of Internal Family Systems therapy and try to befriend this alienated younger version of yourself whose projection of rage bubbled up to the surface in this video. Nothing you said was wrong, but the way you said it shows you need some help yourself. My high school health teacher told my class that if we are not mature enough to be discussing sex with a partner, we are not mature enough to be having it either. It should be the FIRST serious conversation. This allows for you to find compatibility early on and not waste time becoming emotionally invested in an incompatible partner.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

@@adamswierczynski Not to mention his assertion that men can get every other facet of the relationship, aside from sex, from other places is fundamentally his biased opinion and not supported by empirical evidence. In this video, he's admitting to the world that he cannot be emotionally satisfied by a woman and that he does in fact see women as a means for sex. So no wonder they're asking him this question. Nothing dishonest about her inquiry.

[@arsenal4444]

​@@dr.jenniferma3914 comical, no "he's admitting to the world that he cannot be emotionally satisfied by a woman" - man literally said the opposite. Said he can. He then added he could also do this with friends, family, himself, or one he did not include but I will which is pets. "and that he does in fact see women as a means for sex" - yeah obviously that is one of the possibilities of a relationship, and technically a baseline requirement for being different from friendship. However the entire point that seems to escape your comprehension, somehow, was that the other things he listed off...the friends, family, himself, or as I added to the list pets, absolutely cannot satisfy that need, hence the woman in the relationship having a unique position and role in said man's life and 'relationship ecosystem' if that helps get the idea across.

[@SomeGuy-xf9bc]

If the sex is good, it's only 5% of the relationship. If it's bad, then it's 95% of the relationship. It's like tires. Nobody brags about their tires, but if your car doesn't have tires, it's a very bad day.

[@lillyCfields]

Great comment. Made me laugh.

[@faulrevere8938]

💯🔥👊🏻

[@Eurodollartrader]

Brooooooo. XDDDDD

[@Eurodollartrader]

Water diamond paradox

[@patreekylumumba4867]

The late great Patrice Oneal said that. I recommend every men to listen to him on YT :)

[@jasoncarter4343]

During my previous 9-year marriage, my wife would claim “all you want is s3x” even though we probably had s3x four times per year. I’m still angry with myself for putting up with her and not articulating my position better. Divorcing her was the best thing I ever did for myself. My current wife has never once turned me down, and we have 5 kids.

[@jimandersch5364]

Good for you bro! Way to go!

[@theperfectbeing]

What's even worse is that if you allow women to see that they might have competition, then they will instinctively start having more sex with you. I had an ex gf who I was with for a few years and the sex started dying off (she always had an excuse), that was until I start working as trainer. She came to my work a few times and quickly realized that many of the women who were enthusiastically engaging with me were fit and attractive. I didn't flirt with them and I made no mention of them but all of sudden literally overnight, the sex picked back up and she started working out more.

[@nekemli2622]

4 times per year? Is this really how low women's sex drive is? Do women not desire sex at all?

[@jimandersch5364]

@nekemli2622 sometimes, most times they are cheating

[@nekemli2622]

@@jimandersch5364 that's bs. Women emotionally bond to their man. And it can't be "sometimes". It has to be rare. Women have to have a sex drive. I mean at least like once a week or something like that.

[@Draxynnic]

I think an appropriate response to the question is "No, I also want you as a friend, but if sex isn't going to be part of the relationship, that's all we are".

[@longnamenocansayy]

yep. if there's no sex all she is is a room mate. if she's like most women, she makes sure to emasculate you everyday, so most wives are not even friends. they are not really good roommates either because a room mate pays 1/2 of everything. women paying 1/2? not too likely. if she makes 5 dollars a week more than you do she'll divorce you. if you make more than she does she'll get out of her half of the roommate situation.

[@Angelofiron-jx2ny]

very well put

[@naughtyUphillboy]

IQ 999

[@stephenluke2347]

She agreed and that is what we now are FRIENDS just as we were before we married except for children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

[@fluffymajestic4589]

This might be true, and a good idea, but I think men just aren’t very good friends. At least not as good as friends as women are to women. And please spare me the high school girl mean stuff. I’m talking about mature women. They remember your birthday, prioritize what means something to you, hang out, just to laugh together. I don’t think men are as good as friends. That’s why it’s sad.

[@robertgoss4842]

My first wife died of breast cancer after 28 years of marriage. I have been married to my second wife for 24 years. I have earned living proof that marriage is far better than singledom. I have also learned that most decent, intelligent women want sexual harmony with their husband. I learned very early in adult life that a good woman responds to caring, respectful hotness in the sack. One hears horror stories of normal, healthy men who have not laid any pipe with the old lady for 10 years or more. I only had to endure that kind of thing in the last 3 years of my first wife's life, when she was being eaten alive by cancer. Otherwise, sex fun launched with care and tenderness is almost always rewarded. I am a retired Army veteran, age 74, so I have been around the block a time or two.

[@leogem177]

Exacy this guy says he's a phycologist but he doesn't seem to know women at all. Glad to see people in comments mostly don't buy what he's saying. Maybe he wants to be contraversial to get more comments and boost his channel🤔 Or maybe this is just how he sees women / the sort of women he's used to

[@vanessa.jasmine]

You sir, have figured out that a woman's libido is correlated to the quality of the sex.

[@Donna-bj5nl]

This 💯

[@oar-N-oasis]

I swear to God, I will never fuck a guy who think like him. Sex is not a food.

[@heidicastano4382]

Thank you for speaking so highly about women.,Many men treat women like a oiece of meat and it’s not ok.

[@GregsWorkshopOregon]

Imagine if you really, really liked ice cream. You agreed to only get ice cream from one person, and at some point they decided they would no longer give you ice cream but you also still aren't allowed to eat ice cream from anyone else. You don't get ice cream anymore. Ever.

[@kentsesesele3532]

😂😂🎉😂😂

[@davecannabis]

well that's when you sneak out and visit the street ice-cream vendors

[@YukonFox1972]

That’s when you grow up and decide to leave the one person no longer suppling ice cream and get it elsewhere if it’s available. Don’t cheat on your supplier. Break your contract before you go off sampling again.

[@ronmexico8383]

@@YukonFox1972 Divorce because your wife wasn't putting out is sin. Matthew 19 Withholding sex is sin. 1st Corinthians 7 Women need to up their morality.

[@YukonFox1972]

@@ronmexico8383 So you think it’s better to cheat? I’d rather get a divorce, thanks.

[@truthseeker8844]

"Sex is not all I want, unless that's all you got." - Patrice O'Neal

[@angelicaangel2624]

Unless he marries her first he's not entitled to sex.

[@Eurodollartrader]

@@angelicaangel2624 And she not to validation and a relationship.

[@chickenbroski99]

Sure thing if shes a virgin Angelica but marriage was designed around virgins not modern women. No virginity no marriage little buddy

[@TGP109]

Right, that's why men are happy to fuck away and never make a commitment.

[@VixxKong2]

@@chickenbroski99 And how is a girl supposed get married as a virgin when guys are ready to break up when 1 week passes without smexx?

[@dereklearnslow]

If she's giving you shit about your sexual interest, she's not that into you. Let her be and move on.

[@TheirIAre]

Yep

[@Nomoneyfood]

thats not true....

[@andrewmackenzie325]

@@Nomoneyfoodhahaha. “Makes rules for betas; no rules for alphas”.

[@GyatRizzler69-of3wl]

That’s a lie. A girl who was interested in me like crazy (she was a wack job so I didn’t pursue) constantly shamed me and made jokes of men and sex because she was super insecure and wanted to shame me from valuing girls for sex.

[@dereklearnslow]

@GyatRizzler69-of3wl what makes you think she was that into you? Sounds like she was just looking for attention.

[@lisao6928]

Sex is very important to a lot of women too. I've never understood people who want to be in a sexless relationship.

[@FishFlags1780]

Inn port tent two isle women.

[@ModernGoddess81]

🙋🏼‍♀️

[@Summerof-dh4re]

interesting. I've been married almost 27 years and there was a period I was upset that's all he wanted from me. I was a prude and didn't know it. I got better at learning about sex and that its a good thing between couples, I also started to stand on my own with my own knowledge and actually have stuff to talk about, and honestly I am not so concerned that's all he wants anymore - because it isn't "ALL" he wants. He wants a happy home, he wants me to be smart, happy, funny, etc.

[@davejacob5208]

has nothing to do with being prude if a woman has a problem with a man who really behaves as if a women is only good for sex.

[@Dkenhoney]

@@davejacob5208 Aye, both men and women can become lazy in their relationships. If he wasn't providing much, or at least communicating his appreciation for what Summer brought to the relationship other than a sexual bond, then he was acting like an animal. Most people, men and women, aren't interested in being with an animal. Her increased appreciation for his need for sex probably came along with his increased active appreciation for the other things she brought to the marriage.

[@zuibeckpulezon6431]

It's really all u have to offer. Everything else his buddies can provide

[@matsu820]

@@zuibeckpulezon6431 I mean they can but do they?

[@zuibeckpulezon6431]

@@matsu820 be a stand up man, have standards and u will have stand up buddies.

[@diononeofyourbusiness8634]

Without sex there is no relationship. She is just a roommate. And I said precisely this in the early stages of my relationship with my now wife. It sure shocked her, but opened her mind to the realization that I actually have different needs and priorities to her.

[@knowthyself8233]

Indeed

[@jay4239]

What happened later?

[@alicemi4155]

Όποιος βρίσκει και γαμεί, τύφλα του κι αν παντρευτεί .

[@navboi12]

@@jay4239 more sex.

[@Geniere10]

@@jay4239 lollll exactly my question

[@tomyoung8563]

Man I always thought dating was a lot of work but this guy lays out just how much work

[@nipunagunarathne4882]

It's so much work because people are way too much up in their "logical brain" these days. Do you think about how hard it is to walk? After all just think about the technical side of it- every single step we take involves the coordination of hundreds of muscles, each receiving their own signals from the brain. Imagine how hard it would be if we had to do that coordination manually? Extending that, take riding a bike; how hard it was starting out, and how you don't even think about it any more. that's how it's supposed to be, after all we did come this far as a species by both genders working together, without thinking about things as much as we do now. We're trying to get our concious brain to do what the subconscious should be doing, when it already knows perfectly well how to do it.

[@tomyoung8563]

@@nipunagunarathne4882 Not using your logical brain can cost you everything you’ve worked for or more My 1st marriage cost me all of my money, 25% of my future earnings and most of my soul You’re a fool if you’re not thinking through these things

[@squarecracker]

@@nipunagunarathne4882 what made me good at it was getting options. I used to think ti was noble to try to date 1 at a time, I was needy, obsessive, and offputting. Every one of them could sense this and were put off by it. Now I date 10 at a time; they compete for my attention and cannot get enough of me. If one them walks away it hardly even registers. Absolutely sick stuff but once you realize why this is it becomes so obvious why men are failing.

[@Battl3Chaser]

It’s not work at all. It’s about never compromising what you want. This goes beyond sex. It’s applicable to every aspect of your life. Compromise nothing and be unapologetic about this. This vibe alone will get you women interested in you. The woman I’m with now knows for a fact that no sex after 30 days is grounds for me to move on and find sex elsewhere. While some may call this petty or juvenile, they’re my terms; my rules. She also knows I never intend to marry her. Again, my life; my rules. I will say that I never, ever have to initiate sex though.

[@varvarvarvarvarvar]

@@nipunagunarathne4882 it's not fun to leave in an overpopulated space though. Bacteria merrily multiply in a sweet water, but after a while it turns vinegar that kills bacteria.

[@nathanbutcher7720]

"All you want is sex" "It's only one thing compared to the very many things you want"

[@ricvanwinkle1665]

Nicely said and another comment I will use. Thanks

[@DownHillgamer]

​@ricvanwinkle1665 fellow engine builders unite. I been thinking about making some videos of all the cool shit we built at the shop.

[@diplomat2623]

Facts

[@TheirIAre]

Well said.

[@VenusianStarseed]

If someone only wants sex from a romantic partner and nothing more they are probably suppressing their needs for safety, validation, care, comfort, respect and expect the other person to just read their minds.

[@jimphilidor9031]

No, I don't ONLY want sex, but holding hands doesn't really fulfill my needs in a relationship. Not getting sex feels like being abandoned. I think most men can fulfill the physical side of sex perfectly fine by masturbating, but that doesn't satisfy the emotional need to be truly intimate with your loved one. I don't want a warm hole, but a woman - the whole woman.

[@light.andshadow]

I think women don’t really see sex in and of itself as intimacy. Neither do men. They often brag that they can have sex even if they hate a girl. The question usually comes when the woman is not feeling a sense of relational intimacy, which is her desire, like physical intimacy is his desire.

[@rey6708]

@@light.andshadow no, thats usually toxic people that like to whore around or hide theire insecuritys.

[@annieandaj]

Yup, many, many men aren't providing relational intimacy and most often it comes down to that with women. If you don't have a clue how to be emotionally/relationally close to a woman then sex won't be something she's interested in. If you have no need for or have too much fear of intimacy on an emotional level you'll have a very hard time atttracting most women. That's just the bottom line, for many men, emotional vulnerability is just too terrifying. I understand that our culture has raised men to be emotionally inhibited and that's why women can become sexually unavailable/inhibited. It's a two way street and very sad.

[@annieandaj]

Most women need emotional/relational intimacy before they feel comfortable with their sexuality. Men just don't get that in my experience. Feeling emotionally disregarded/cut off from a person is a definite sex killer. Kindness, closeness and interest in a person beyond their sexual attractiveness goes a long way toward developing a physical relationship.

[@b.d.hooten1785]

if a woman only see herself as a "warm hole" - I think that speaks volumes about how that woman views herself.

[@ChosenPlaysYT]

If anyone in a committed relationship is being put down or shamed for wanting sexual interaction with their partner, it’s time to rip the bandaid off, leave and find a new partner. I’m not talking about if someone is sick or some one off thing obviously, I’m talking in the general fabric of the normal interactions within a healthy relationship. Being shamed for wanting your partner is bad for both people and it’s time to move on at that point.

[@annesmith9181]

“Partner”. LOL

[@jessicaholting2362]

Key words are “healthy relationship.” A lot of women don’t want “only sex” meaning sex without a relationship. This is what women actually mean and men don’t understand. It doesn’t mean we don’t want sex…we just don’t want to be only for sex.

[@Straga_Severa]

@@jessicaholting2362 This video is literally about a relationship. You are projecting.

[@andersnielsen6044]

You just told that 95% of all men should leave their female partner.. Men are so naive :D

[@Straga_Severa]

@@andersnielsen6044 Well, yes, they should. They would not, because they are simps, but they totally should - it would fix the awful dating balance and raise the value of men.

[@mathias1dk]

I never understood this question. Male-female relationships are sexually based, it's the whole point. If you aren't having sex, you are not a romantic couple. The more your partner is sexually interested, the stronger the bond. You aren't obligated to have sex ALL the time, and you can say no, but you would definitely not want a partner who is disinterested in you sexually.

[@maijensen3317]

I can only agree, but I think you can compare it with slutshaming. Women shame men for wanting sex, men shame women for having sex.

[@mathias1dk]

@@maijensen3317 Men don't shame women for having sex, unless you are a weak and jealous man. Men look negatively on women having many different partners in a short amount of time.

[@joseph6243]

​@@maijensen3317 Women shame other women for having sex, and then blame it on men. Men voice their standards and preferences in dating and women reclassify it as a form of "oppression."

[@YouYou-sm8tf]

​@@mathias1dk No, the redpill basically expect women to be virgin to get a ring.

[@arsenal4444]

The answer is biological - chemical and hormonal (oxytocin and vasopressin). The sense of loyalty bonding, 'connection' and 'emotional satisfaction' that men can only experience through sexual connection, women already feel through cuddling and conversation. The hormonal and biochemical equivalent of women walking around on their social media is if men did that watching corn (gotta censor for yt) So in short, the reason women push back on this, is because what the man is trying to get out of the relationship, the woman already has. And on top of that, what she desires is totally normal and publicly acceptable, and what he wants has a bunch of strings and judgement attached. That's why the solution a lot of men bring up is disengage, and the reason that works at a biological level is because it creates the same exact chemical response that he was having.

[@vikingshark2634]

No. We don't only want sex. We want to know that everything is good in the relationship. You're still happy enough and attracted enough. You're still here. Sex is the indicator; when we're not getting it we just think it's because you don't care anymore and would really rather be somewhere else. It's roughly analogous to if your husband stopped talking to you more than once a month, and then when you try to initiate a conversation about how you feel he just said "Do you only want to nag me with your emotional neediness?"

[@thevisitor1012]

This. Denying sex is more often than not a symptom that the relationship is failing.

[@ironxYT]

Exactly.

[@mikayugu316]

How can we know if sex is an indicator and not a manipulation tactic to stay in the relationship?

[@Tim666-o5n]

@@mikayugu316 Sex is simply the reason for a man to be in a relationship. He can get everything else somewhere else. If you deny a man sex, you effectively communicate that you are unsatisfied with the relationship and open to ending it. Depending on how much he is invested and whether kids are in play, he might end it sooner or later. Or you will leave/divorce him.

[@Crackpot_Astronaut]

Perfectly articulated.

[@avalerionbass]

I see this all the time. Man tries to initiate sex, woman ALWAYS says she's not in the mood, man gets disinterested and stops trying, woman cries because she doesn't feel desired anymore. They never initiate and they reject any of your advances, but they have the fucking balls to tell you that they feel like YOU'RE THE ONE NOT INTERESTED IN THEM?! What's worse, is that she'll say she's not in the mood and you just say whatever, but if you're not in the mood then she freaks out like something is wrong.

[@CyberChrist]

Women... ☕

[@frankconley6321]

If you want to see a woman lose her mind in anger, turn her down for sex.

[@Max-mo7of]

Fucking women ☕️ 🐸

[@Nita-qx2fk]

I’m sorry but hearing you say women NEVER initiate sex is like saying MEN NEVER treat women right. I happen to love initiating and having fun with my man anytime I get the chance. I know there are plenty of women out there that do. I’m sorry if this has been your experience thus far but maybe this is the type of woman you have been attracting for some reason? Many times when we are not happy with some aspect in others we need to self reflect on what in ourselves is attracting this type of person.

[@fakshen1973]

​@Nita-qx2fk most women. Just because you're the exception doesn't make him wrong. Most women aren't you. But your ego can't let that go and now you have to tell us all about yourself. Most womegate keep sex and their terms are all that matter, even though he's loyal.

[@ShonnMorris]

When I hear women say this, that immediately tells me that sex is the only thing she has to offer and she knows it.

[@peteranon8455]

Yup. A really interesting woman can talk shop to a guy about their mutual hobbies. My SO knows how to juggle, does high level math, laughs at my inability to do a rubik's cube... the only girls who have asked me "that question" have been the ones who only had that to offer.

[@Ace.0.0.0.]

Copy that. When one of my GFs fired me, I was accused using her as a sexual toy. But that's all she gave me. Nothing more. But I also discovered she was using me as an ATM.

[@zhhrah]

Every woman has to offer something. Even the dumbest biatch if you will. It depends on what YOU’RE individually looking for and if you value what she has to offer or if the risk of having sex is high enough to compensate losing her. Or is it just me thinking like that?

[@commentarytalk1446]

@@peteranon8455 Your So is talented: Juggling your balls, oh wow!! ;-))) She sounds like a lovely, intelligent and fun person to be around. I hope you both have a very happy life together!

[@Willie_Wahzoo]

You get it.

[@FunnyMav]

This video can mostly (not entirely) be summarized by: If you want our relationship to be exclusive with sex, don't be upset with taking on the entirety of my sexual needs--it's literally what you asked for.

[@blackswan4486]

That doesn’t make sense. You can only have sex with somebody that doesn’t mean you have to have all of the sex that they want. People cannot handle literally everything the other person throws at them. You are a rapist and belong in jail.

[@DebNKY]

What about her sexual needs? Because she has them too.

[@weaksause6878]

This! My ex threw a tantrum for a month when she caught me taking are of things myself one time. Like, im sorry that i wasn't in the mood for a unenthusiastic hj.

[@yodatheweeb]

​@@weaksause6878Exactly, I understand this well. Found a girl where we got nearly to being engaged, then one random day I say something that points out I like her, she's sexy, and I'm happy sharing those thoughts with my partner Next response I'm literally being assaulted with: "you only want me for sex" Despite the relationship literally being sporadic on this talk, and some innuendo here and there which was healthy. She even went as far as being disgusted over any innuendo or sexual want for her as my partner, despite her being more sexually open mentally than I am. In one day she destroyed an entire relationship, and still holds me responsible to this day despite her being the one that expected me to bottle up my sexual urges forever and be disgusted at me for them, despite that wholesome want for my partner Funny enough she hasn't spoken to me since, and even was surprised I'm more a real person with her after than when I was in the relationship. She was angry at me being more my self

[@brandonmusick77]

​@@weaksause6878Shame on you! you should have visited a pro.

[@howiesfunware]

This is for all the videos I've watch on your channel. Finally got around to sending you something for your valuable content.

[@frankindabank]

A very wise woman once told me "If you love you want to touch and feel close." And it's true, I know it's over when I don't want to touch anymore...

[@Horseman1966]

When my (now ex) wife said, “when you touch me it makes my skin crawl”, I knew it was over. How can you touch a person once they tell you that?

[@markfaas4052]

Objectifying a man solely for his wealth, property and security is equally objectionable..

[@FatherJohnny-oh4dh]

It's far worse

[@Susan-fg3nv]

Excellent

[@RPcropland]

No its way worse

[@BinaBina221]

How many men have those things to offer or actually offer them?! VERSUS ALL women have a “warm hole”. Yall want to play the “gotcha game” with EVERYTHING 🙄….It’s not equal!

[@user-sz5oc1qz3b]

Yes it is! You’re saying what he missed. NO ONE wants to be USED. As a woman I have no problem with a man’s enthusiasm! I welcome it and can be enthusiastic as well. IF I think he’s loves me and doesn’t JUST want shmex. JUST is the key word. Why is there no mention of love and deep friendship here? I lost brain cells listening to this guy.

[@QuartzChrysalis]

Imagine feeling degraded because someone you care about wants to be in contact with you.

[@linjubar]

Don’t you mean they want to be in contact with the orifice between her legs? What about her being a human being with a personality and character.

[@shamekiawalker6358]

But it’s usually for selfish reasons. You were being used as a means to an end may leave a man sexual gratification with little to no regard for the woman’s wants and needs.

[@ponderrous2659]

@@shamekiawalker6358 True, some men don't care about a woman's wants and needs. People are very selfish these days. Most women are disrespectful and hateful toward men. They view men as an easy way to get what they want. These women can't be true companions to men, they can't offer a deep emotional connection, trust, love. All they can offer is sex.

[@delfinenteddyson9865]

@@shamekiawalker6358 I thought women do like sex aswell? If it's a chore for her she isn't in the right relationship

[@Josith13]

I feel like this is just another social feminist gaslight that's found it's way into the common public lexicon tbh. Just another throwaway sentence to let woman exert control and what she wants, through shaming language

[@mona-elf]

As a woman, I think It's important to be honest with ourselves. If a man doesn't find our 'menu' worthy and interesting, we simply shouldn't get involved in a sexual relationship with him in the first place.

[@blairdurward4324]

Wise, you’ll only get hurt later.

[@williamclayton9566]

Yep. Just one more notch count and one body closer to the complete inability to pair-bond.

[@renaissance17]

The lesson here is not to deny men sex, but to actually have something more than sex to offer. Be kind, loving, supportive, a good mother, or wealthier than him. Otherwise, you’ll be expected to offer lots of sex

[@mona-elf]

@@renaissance17 what I mean is that sometimes people simply don't match. I understand that for most men, it's hard to find any woman, not to mention one who is "kind, loving, supportive, a good mother, and wealthier than him". That's why it's common for them to think that if they find this full package goddess, it's the ultimate win. However, I believe a relationship is more complex, it's about finding our person who understands us and shares the same views on life. Regarding sex, honestly, I turn down any guy who doesn't act respectfully enough or gives me a list of conditions on the first date, as you mentioned. Simply put, I can choose, so it's not me who should prove myself worthy of a relationship. I don't think men should do it either, although it's socially acceptable for them to prove themselves with money or success. People either like each other's personalities or not. If a man just wants to use a woman sexually, she should leave immediately, in my opinion. Problems arise when a woman lies to herself, thinking that with time he will see what a wonderful person she is. But he likely won't. Also, I think you're probably quite young if you believe that women are just desperately wanting to shower men with sex, money, and admiration. It simply doesn't work like this in the real world.

[@bdtrap]

​@mona-elf I don't disagree with either of your comments. I would add, tho, that women shouldn't be surprised that all a man wants from her is sex, if that's all she brings to the table -- just like a man shouldn't be surprised if all a woman wants is money, if that's all he brings to the table. That said tho, your original point still stands. I was on a date years ago and actually said to the girl, "Man, we are just not compatible. But honestly you seem cool as hell -- you and my brother would hit it off." Sadly my brother lives two states away 🤷‍♂️

[@albertwesker8883]

Woman expresses want for sex: "She is an empowered woman!" Man expresses want for sex: "He is an entitled creep!"

[@barbaraplasencia9968]

Only feminist say that a woman is empowered if she admits she wants sex. The rest of the people tend to criticise.

[@josealexi5141]

if women didn't have double-standards, they wouldn't have ANY standards

[@Tgogators]

In my 35 years of living, I’ve seen several women platonic friends have this “hurrah” type mentality about “I want great sex and nothing else….” It’s almost always backfired, one realized she wanted more attention than just fucking; another tried the whole “open relationship…let’s see other people long as we use contraception with others” guy turned out to be extremely self centered in bed and then got extremely clingy when she broke it off.

[@Alex_Justified]

barssssss

[@VixxKong2]

Lies. You guys would be the first to call her a 304

[@JohanDanielsson8802]

Woman: "Do you only want me for sex?" Man: "Do you only want me for my money?" Woman: "How dare you ask that?!?"

[@TGP109]

Yeah, like men throw money at women.

[@JohanDanielsson8802]

@@TGP109 In relationships, that is typically expected. Which is one reason for men to be wary of relationships with women.

[@lonepigeon68]

Woman "Not just your money, but also status points with my friends. Plus I can now contribute things you do wrong to our bitchfests ... Oh, did I say that out loud ???!!!"

[@Ace.0.0.0.]

A surprising number do throw money at women But it's disguised as fancy gifts, trips, meals, etc.... in the hope of getting action.😢

[@col.strayga1389]

@@TGP109 Have you ever heard of a strip club? That is literally what men do and the women there demand.

[@slavosupreme]

Dr. Taraban, as a young man in his mid twenties who was raised by a single mother I cannot express how valuable your channel is to me. I consider myself lucky to have gone through a particularly terrible breakup so early in life that put me on the course of self-work. “Red pill” content has influenced me greatly over the past few years, but no one articulates and educates quite like you. Please continue doing what you’re doing.

[@deuceacetone]

No cap. Doc out here saving lives😂

[@slavosupreme]

@@deuceacetone we need a collab with Rollo Tomassi 🤣

[@TyeKane]

Good luck my brother. Find your truth and express it with love. But do not sell yourself short. Treat yourself in all relationships just as important as your partner.

[@princered10]

He provides an interesting perspective but I still see his advice as fairly niche and not applicable to most men. This video in particular suits a wealthy business guy who has the lifestyle women want but lacks genuine desire (her refusal to give him sex). Trying to negotiate with her in this way will fall flat because women don't sleep with guys out of logic, not unless they're gold diggers or old and desperate to get pregnant.

[@elchucapablas]

This Doc is the representation if Red Pill would have gone to school, get a degree, and it’s now giving talks here and there

[@fissionquest]

This is so spot on. I would never have been in a relationship if I knew how almost impossible it is to maintain.

[@1dcondave]

Good points in this vid. Ladies, understand that men's sex drive is a basic, primal urge, like hunger. Once the man is "fed" he is now available to give emotional intimacy, do the chore list, or other investment in the relationship. Imagine if you set up a rule in your relationship that your man can only eat when he is with you. Not at his own house, not at work, no drive-thru, no snacks at convenience stores... he can only eat what you give him. Why be upset then, when the first thing he says when he sees you is, "Got anything to eat? I'm starving!" You're all like, "But the lawn needs mowing, and the kids drove me crazy today, and why do you always want to eat?!? Why can't you just care about ME?!?"

[@wayward03]

It doesn't matter. Most of them don't think it's important.

[@kdjoshi726]

​@@wayward03No because most men honestly seems to despise women. This whole comment session is a proof- if women didn't had sex to offer we wouldn't even approached ya. If that's honestly how you view women then what do you expect from women?

[@thegrimharvest]

Ugh you just want to eat don't you!? Yeah, y'know, I liked it the first time. I was kind of hoping I could, you know, do it again. Nevermind. I'll just go starve quietly and watch the Food network in our bedroom alone again.

[@geoffjames6181]

LMFAO!

[@DianeL-z1h]

I DID GIVE HIM SEXX , LOTS OF IT. GE DID NOT WANT ANY EMOTIONAL TIES...

[@sontodosnarcos]

I always explain my spouse: "If I didn't have sexual interest in you, I wouldn't have started a relationship and moved into a new house with you in the first place. I could just as well have stayed single or shared a flat with a friend I am not sexually interested in.". Still she won't understand.

[@andersnielsen6044]

But she understands both Chad and Tyrone.. Open your eyes man!

[@bedrosdaoudian8927]

She doesn't love you....... move on

[@kdjoshi726]

I mean you do realize you both would get old one day & sex won't be the same yk? That's why you need to plan long term

[@delfinenteddyson9865]

@@kdjoshi726 that sounds more a reason to enjoy yourself with your partner when you are still young, not to get castrated because you fear old age

[@lifeissimple1019]

My view is sex is the most important thing in a marriage because it is the only thing that one should not be getting outside the marriage. You can have great communication' hangout times, understanding etc with relatives and friends but only within the marriage you have sex. Next thing most men have a best buddy that they do a lot of things with except sex. If they were gay then they would have married their buddy

[@johnward8064]

Our fifty year old newly divorced friend said “the men only care about sex.” I said, “yeah, otherwise they will hang out with men.” She was trying to be a “new virgin.”

[@patienceobongo]

Modern women don't provide any other useful function.

[@yeisonalvarez5776]

Women today are incredibly boring and almost never develop a skill or a community that intersects with men's taste, and they want us to be with them emphasizing other activities (that we can enjoy with much higher quality with other men) and not s3x. Women not understanding the importance of s3x for men is just insane.

[@AlexMinor]

And she will be alone.

[@peterpatton8736]

😂

[@misterserious3522]

Cats, plenty of cats, to wait on, care for and have intelligent conversation with and provide support, security and real world knowledge when the going gets tough. Yes, thats sarcasm, or is it?

[@ggusta1]

The bottom line is anyone asking that is already on their way out the door. Do you want to make the effort to stop them from leaving or not is the question.

[@frankconley6321]

From my personal 50+yr experience : when a woman asks (always in a scathing tone) "is sex all you want?" It's been their way to use sex as a weapon, to shame you for asking for it and a method to dominate and control you. It took decades for me to see this as a power play, and I learned to get up, say no, and leave.

[@PerdidoBlue]

I've walked out and taken them home early.. more than once. When they start playing games, I am out of there.

[@donut_life12]

The second they don't put out...because sex is all you care about.

[@fluffymajestic4589]

I don’t have 50 years of experience, but as a woman, I can tell you that lots and lots of women feel this way. It’s not to control anyone. It’s that moment that you see your partner’s eyes glaze over when you want to talk to them, or you see them once again act like they don’t know chores need to be done and leave them to you, or 1000 other things that let you know they are prioritizing their comfort over yours. I mean, we live in a society, where a man doesn’t even think twice about flopping down on the couch and watching a full day of football. While kids are running around and everything. Who do they think is taking care of all that? Who do they think makes the food at Thanksgiving and wraps the presents at Christmas? Who do they think cleans it all up? A magical fairy? On many occasions, men perpetually demonstrate that they will prioritize their comfort and let the women run around and do all the work. Because at the end of the day, they can say I don’t really care if we have presents. I don’t really care if we have birthday celebrations. So without women, there are no Christmas presents. No birthday presents or cake. There are no anniversaries or anything. That’s because adult men can always say they don’t care about that kind of thing, and maybe they don’t. But children do. And so it all falls to women. (not in every situation, and all the time, I’m just giving you a good example) And then the man, finally looks up from his football game or video game (pure recreation he’s been doing for hours) and tries to grab your ass? While leaving you to do things for the family the whole day? While pretending that he doesn’t know that it takes a person to make the food he’s been eating? Come on. It’s just disrespectful.

[@mistersmith2549]

@@fluffymajestic4589 You're describing a very specific relationship dynamic in your example. Only some relationships are like that. But since you're using the stereotypical example, so will I. In this stereotypical example, the man is also the one who is the primary (and often the only) breadwinner. He works 40 hours a week at minimum, and then pays all the bills. That is his share of the work. Regardless of gender, if one partner is working full time and paying all the bills, and the other partner does not have a job, then being the homemaker *becomes* their job. That is their fare share. It is not fair for one party to pay all or most of the bills, and also be expected to do half of the housework. So in your example, the women are looking at the men and thinking he's lazy because he's not doing her job in addition to his.

[@fluffymajestic4589]

@@mistersmith2549 actually, I was thinking when women have full-time jobs. But you make a fair point-if there are children and the children are in school. But having both stayed home with a child and worked, I can tell you that there’s something uniquely draining about caring for pre-school aged children all day if you do a good job about it. You really have to be present with them every moment. I stayed home with my child for the first year and I can’t tell you, the number of times I, for example, cleaned up spilled toys. The kid dump the toys out, you pick them up. And no one knows who ever did it. Because they knocked them over again. And you have to be patient and you have to be kind. And you can’t go grocery shopping without a screaming kid. And you can’t go to the bathroom without knowing where the kid is. I’ve had many different jobs, and being the sole caregiver for a young child, is very very draining. And it’s perfectly thankless, as your child memory won’t even last to know that you did all those things. And then you have men who think that they’re the only ones that did work all day. That’s really not fair at all. But I agree if the man goes out to work, and the woman sends her kids off to school, then certainly it would only be fair for her to do more of the domestic things. That’s not the scenario I’m imagining. I have seen lots of women work full-time jobs and assume the majority of domestic stuff too.

[@samobispo1527]

“You only want me for food, shelter, vacations, paying bills, a retirement, health plan, etc., etc.?” (sarc) drizzle, drizzzle

[@TumblinWeeds]

Well yeah if she makes you feel that way you should question that. Because that’s just a gold digger.

[@TV-oc4ml]

Yeah OP sounds like a loser

[@janetomes]

As of February 2024 47% of the labor force is women. Your comment is not only ignorant...it's sinister and meant to cause harm to females. It's meant to make you, or all men, appear innocent and as victims...which none of you are....clearly a loser up to this point.

[@b.d.hooten1785]

@@TumblinWeeds the sarcastic point he was making when right over your head

[@TumblinWeeds]

@@b.d.hooten1785 no I think my point went over yours. She shouldn’t be using you as a money shaker. If she’s just using you for bills and food you’ve got a sugar baby or a gold digger not a wife. Your wife should be holding her end of the relationship by providing care to the family and companionship for you and your kids, and if she leaves as soon as you’re laid off, you found the wrong woman.

[@SageDog]

If you don't want to be just "any woman." don't give sex to just "any man."

[@angelg3642]

Doesn't matter. Doesn't work like this. You can be the man of her dreams yet she will still leave you because she FELT that way 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@lillyCfields]

💯

[@remyllebeau77]

They can't hear you because they already have hundreds of bodies in the past. Social media enables the worst kind of monkey branching in women, and they happily all chase the top 5% to 20% of men.

[@fsaari]

That's 98% of the population. The world doesn't need more prudes

[@Nah-ah]

Aaah… the amount of times guys have said “well I could’ve been the exception” when women say “I don’t just sleep with anyone!” C’mon now lol

[@joshrisher2560]

Not sure why some women conflate "ever" with "always" when if it were left up to them to initiate it would be "never".

[@MartialistKS]

Great video. Another thing I think women fail to account for is that sex is different for men than it is for women. It's more important to men and is a primary way they feel connected in the relationship. I read a book recently that I thought did a good job of trying to explain both sides (male/female) of a relationship to the other. The author tried explaining it to women something like this; "Imagine if your boyfriend/husband didn't speak to you for three weeks. Wouldn't you be upset? Wouldn't you feel disconnected from them? Wouldn't you think 'what I am even in this relationship for if he refuses to connect with me'?"

[@shinobi_endure]

Can you share the name of the book please.

[@TGP109]

Nonsense, learn how to be emotionally open. I don't mean someone who cries about everything, but learn how to relate to someone else's emotional side, then sex won't be the ''only'' way for you to feel things. As for talking, I hate it and don't need to say much to any man I'm with.

[@angelg3642]

@@TGP109 Only nonsense because it doesn't align with your feelings 🤣🤣

[@akendrick45174]

Yes, would love to know the name of the book

[@lightworker2956]

@@TGP109 Men need sex to feel connected and seen and valued. That's the point. If a man and a woman cuddle a lot and have emotionally open talks, but have no sex, then sure the woman will feel connected and seen etc. But the man won't. That's the point. He needs sex to feel connected. Male and female brains aren't the same.

[@chzzyg2698]

Her: Is that all I'm good for to you!? Sex?! Him: What else can you do? Her: (Angry offended noises; Leaves to find someone else to have sex with)

[@deansongs]

Do you like this psychology hack? You didn't comment. Did you get this person a like? You know, I see a lot of stuff out of here but psychology hack you are the worst.

[@deansongs]

Your goal should be going to the gym or having a real college class.

[@stephens4175]

yup

[@horaja2266]

This sounds personal, ya 'right mate?

[@NTJedi]

Her: Is that all I'm good for to you!? Sex?! Chad: Yes, that's what we told you when we first met. Her: (Angry offended noises; Leaves to find Tyron who said he only wants sex) EVENT: The WALL is quickly approaching her to crush her beauty by age 30.

[@Konamalunu]

As always, I think you are right about everything you said. But looking at it from a purely transactional viewpoint only tells part of the story. The other important part is that sex can communicate trust and acceptance and whatnot on a deeper level. Men invented romance, maybe because it was an acceptable tactic but also because it somewhat reflected their emotional needs. To clarify: If men want sex, it is not only for physical enjoyment. For example, if I want to have a massage, a professional masseur will do a great job, but if a person dear to me shows up randomly and starts massaging me, that is nice on a personal level.

[@WillyEckaslike]

the comforts and advancements of society have come about because of men wanting poosee ie..if i invent and build things for whimmin she will let me have some

[@tancreddehauteville764]

Men invented romance because every man feels the need for a mother figure, and once the real mother passes, a wife can offer that emotional support. Romance was invented in the middle ages, a time when most people did not even get to 60 and many men would lose their mothers early on in life.

[@uhnborhn5032]

Woman invented romantic chivalry. See an ear for mens youtube video on it

[@TGP109]

''Men invented romance''? I think not.

[@lightworker2956]

@@TGP109 Oh, absolutely. Being a recipient of a man's romantic gestures isn't the same as actually being romantic yourself. Sure there's exceptions, but often men are the ones making the romantic gestures.

[@DavidxBoyd]

This articulated my feelings about a series of problems I allowed to continue in my marriage and my reasons for wanting to walk away from a one-sided relationship

[@magdalenamm216]

It’s very valid point from a man’s perspective - from my perspective it feels very transactional-if the sex is the only thing a men needs I think he should be open about it and find a woman who looks for exactly the same. If they look for relationship - sex is very very important but the priority will be trust, understanding, friendship, intimacy - the stronger those qualities the more unique sex can be as the women will open up more and express her feelings through sex. U can sec with anyone but to have intimacy and sex that takes courage, persistence and trust from men and women

[@johnair1]

You missed the point here. Its about women denying the sex constantly and using it as a paywall and to manipulate. In a healthy rs where there is 1x a week s. the man will obv also have feelings and connects with thewife if she is of good value. See in the vid he describes that man enter a close rs for sex and intimacy. If the women doesnt offer more than this then she is of low value amd should date a low value man. You cant be the sharpest tool in the box if you didnt understand that only women of low value have only s to keep a man in a rs. If you are of high value s plays just a low role if you allow it but if you deny it amd use it as a tool you f up the rs. Given your comment you seem to think you are of low value without s bc if you dont know yourself that you can keep a man with just your high value and rarely s you have a problem. You also seem to use s as a tool to manipulate man and bind it to the things ypu mentioned. All the things you mentioned come with good normal s. which plays a short time then! a day has 24 hrs if younhave good s for 30 min you have 23 more hours where there is no s bc the man is simply satisfied! you talk of transactional but i believe younonlunuse that bc you actual use your emotional state which differs every day as a transactional tool for s. Sounds to me you have some issues.

[@miguelpereira9859]

Blah blah blah listen - sex is literally THE most important thing in a monogamous relationship. Everything else you can get somewhere else. And no, being a "better friend" does not result in a better sex life, which is why women divorce "good husbands" to go chase the bad boys again

[@nerychristian]

No one is saying that sex is the only thing a man needs. But it's definitely one of the top things, along with kindness, support, respect, love, affection, etc. Why else would two people get married? If you want a roommate or activity partner, go find that. People get married in order to procreate and start families.

[@dualaccumulator]

That's a lot of words salad so let me say you're wrong, sex is vital for the man. Give him that and the rest will follow. Don't give him sex, and you don't deserve anything

[@dogdude2457]

What about when a woman goes sexually wild on a complete stranger? No trust was needed there for her to "express" herself. None at all.

[@davidpitchford6510]

Of course not! We want demands, complaints, blame, retribution, melt downs, chattering, pumpkin trips, mental breakdowns, blame, menstrualosities, outlandish expenditures on junk and status, weight gain, sneering, disloyalty, disrespect, the divorcentration camp and the privilege of paying her "support" while she is renting her bottom to a new paying man, being separated and alienated from our own children at our expense.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Oh wow!!!! Sums it up !

[@garybulwinkle82]

Isn't marriage (and divorce) such a joy in these modern times!!?

[@horaja2266]

@@garybulwinkle82 its like a bet now isnt it, you bet half of your life that she is the one you will love forever

[@makeitup3093]

Bitter much

[@GUITARTIME2024]

@@makeitup3093 it's brilliant.

[@ThatGuyz82]

I dated a woman for 1 week. We went on a date, got along great. Set up something for the next weekend. By the next night she wanted to hang out. We hung out every night for the week. By day 3 she was wearing no makeup and coming over in sweats. All of my advances were rejected. On day 6, I kicked her out of my house after she accused me of only wanting sex. I told her she only wanted validation and if we were emotionally going from 1 to 10 in a few days, then the sex needed to follow. If she did not want to have sex so soon, then she should not have pushed the emotional relationship so quickly.

[@Random_Blip]

If you're not at the very least dry-humping on the third meet then she's wasting your time/money/energy.

[@virtual-viking]

Sounds like she wanted a roommate rather than a boyfriend.

[@georgedang449]

Is it completely platonic or was she willing to go part way? A girl holding back for religious/cultural/personality reasons won't be able to help but go part way before stopping herself at some point. One that's just not interested in you, on the other hand, is just not interested in anything. My wife is a first generation Chinese immigrant, she moved in and lived with me for 2 years before we tied the knot. She insisted on not losing her virginity before marriage. She let me check, but not break it, moved pretty fast to using her hands and mouth to keep me leashed (she didn't learn how to do that from me, lol), anything other than losing her virginity on technicality.

[@ThatGuyz82]

@@georgedang449 She let me fool around with her parts, but did not return the favor. But nothing that happened on day 6, did not happen on day 2.

[@georgedang449]

@@ThatGuyz82 There's nothing wrong with moving slow, some people are like that. Not returning the favor, on the other hand, is a warning sign.

[@thehuntress8850]

I find nothing wrong with bettering your self, in order to get lovers that are in a higher leage. Self improvement is never a bad idea. Even if the relationship fails, at least you are a better person for having tried!

[@lubinbm]

I got to the point where I started feeling like a sexual predator because I was trying to initiate sexual intimacy and was trying to convince her through what felt like peer pressure. I just stopped trying altogether. I feel way more free. I have 4 kids and have been married for 20 years. As long as I stop expecting it I no longer get disappointed. Now I get accused of no longer finder her attractive and am no longer interested. I told her I am always interested but will no longer initiate it. When she is ready then she will need to initiate.

[@msimon6808]

About 2/3ds of women want to be dominated.

[@Ace.0.0.0.]

Seriously, how's it working out for you?

[@raphaelreichmannrolim25]

I've met my wife when she was 15. I was 17. I took me some years to actually learn how to make my desires fulfilled.

[@0000FFz]

@@Ace.0.0.0. i can answer for him. Not good.

[@jamesredman1263]

That sounds logical. But at the risk of stereotyping, women will react based on feelings (as she did) and it becomes a standoff that no one wins. I know this. When women claimed equality some 50+ years ago, a lot of men went, "Oh good, she can initiate now." And some did, but most didn't, and here we are generations after, with men having forgotten how to romance and seduce, and women having forgotten they need those things to awaken their own desire and enjoy it. Instead they have been trained by academia and popular media to despise men for desiring them and consider us practically rapists for bringing it up, even more so if they recognize the attempt to seduce. Suggestions. And they could be long shots. But - 1. Study female psychology and seduction. Find approaches that are not obvious. 2. Try them periodically, not constantly, maybe every other week, and never the same one in a 7 week period. 3. Do your absolute best to get her off, and while she is still glowing after, gently ask her to share her own sexual fantasies... and that you are interested in playing them out. Then encourage her to initiate when she's ready. 4. If it comes down to it, use guilt, because women certainly do. Guilt for making you feel like a predator (or a beggar) for having normal desires. Guilt for not caring what "love, honor and cherish" means to YOU. That is what she (you both) vowed to do at the same time you both vowed exclusivity. Failing to give you what she vowed not to give others is ALSO breaking the marriage vow. And I don't know if she's religious, but Paul in First Corinthians 7:5 says of long periods of sexual abstinence in marriage, "DEFRAUD YE NOT one the other..." The context is that husband and wife owe each other physical access. Because sexual access and activity is and always has been a part of the marriage contract, stated overtly or not. Guilt for not caring if you get prostate cancer, which is much higher among men whose ejaculations are infrequent, according to at least two separate studies in Australia and the US. Would she rather you just give up completely and go masturbate? That's a shitty excuse for a marriage, but that is what many MANY of us have had to resort to. Was her first instinct when you tried, to argue against it or otherwise react negatively? When the response to sexual suggestion or moves is almost always No, she doesn't want you. At least mine didn't and finally told me that. So after years of celibacy in a verbally/emotionally abusive marriage, I'm done, out, gone. Happily divorced 16 years now. Life is peaceful now.

[@scorne414]

The number one reason I’m married is because my wife encouraged sexual enthusiasm. We are into each other and if we are with each other and want each other we won’t need that from anyone else. It makes sense to me.

[@cyclone411]

You made a good match.

[@pranshujagtap]

I was also asked this by a girl, she was the one to initiate make out sessions and suddenly in the middle of it, she would withdraw and ask, " do you only want sex? you are so needy.." I replied, " it's certainly one of the things I expect from a relationship. If you are not comfortable with it, we won't do it now.". But she still couldn't understand the reality and we broke up.

[@bobbyscalchi4013]

That's a 🐓 tease that wants nothing but Power and control. That's what that is and they'll jump through mental gymnastics to convince themselves of it

[@justathinker8669]

Yeah, she broke up and the same day evening she would have gone to the club and f*cked some random stranger 😂😂😂

[@CoolKoon]

You've dodged a bullet right there. Posing this question in the middle of a make-out session?! God, she must be REALLY messed up...

[@makeupwithmarianne1686]

wow. i've always been stuck in this dilemma and not sure why. you really did help open my eyes. thank you for explaining the men's point of view.

[@scottm8914]

7:14 this part right here speaks to my soul. The last few years i have had this exact conversation with myself countless times. Its as if the woman ive dated think they deserve the world only based off their appearance while i am frantically creating everything because im the "man", it has been exhausting to say the least

[@patriziapiccardo2428]

You're clearly dating the wrong women.

[@retheisen]

Rub one out, like a man.

[@ipodman1910]

@@patriziapiccardo2428nope - he dates women…

[@ohyaization]

@@patriziapiccardo2428 No, I think it's bending over backwards for women that kills it. You have to give off the energy that your fine without them in your life, (which you are) as you confidently engage in the date. Suddenly the woman starts to bend for you. Try to have fun on the date, not just for your sake, but for hers as well.

[@hackmedia7755]

dump it

[@White_Recluse]

“Do you only want sex?” I feel like that’s a question you should ask before you engage in a sexual relationship.

[@carlitosoe]

I’m my case I can’t put that on the table before, I need to get to know the person to know if it’s just sex I want with them

[@am-vy1fb]

I heard this question before and it already never happened.

[@maelstrom2313]

@@carlitosoe That's why the question is so hurtful to us. You might as well as be asking us who we are and how we got inside the house.

[@marte1376]

Men lie about it to get it. They play the prince charming paper and leaves, we see actions through time and that doesn't involve sex

[@dancingshiva7008]

Unless I'm misunderstanding something, it seems to me that one simple solution to this dilemma is establishing clear, honest communication about expectations up front and throughout the life of the relationship. Women want sex, fo sho--but, in my experience, if they really like you, they want to take things further. They want more of you. Nothing wrong with catching feelings. I'm not personally familiar with the double-bind around sex. But I do know about women catching feelings. Quite frankly, if a woman likes you, she eventually comes to crave you--especially if your sexing is on point and present. Actually, even if your sexing isn't on point, if she's really into you, she's gonna want more from you anyway. That's just how it works.

[@luker1hutcher315]

*sex...not sexing

[@yodatheweeb]

It's always a good rule. In any relationship Sadly you will find some who don't apply to this rule My ex for instance. We were upfront with everything right at the start. At the end, in a single day, it was destroyed by her because she did not keep to the things we said up front, did not communicate with me, came up with her own rules and expected me to follow like an automaton We both agreed in the beginning we were highly sexual and that that'd be normal for us. On that final day she expected me to turn myself off entirely and never speak of sex again, telling me that she lied about her sexual likes and was actually disgusted by things I liked which she said she loved Reason she did that, all because I expressed interest in her, and some innuendo that fit her like she had before Good way to both lie to a partner and destroy a relationship quick

[@deansongs]

Thank God for a cool human being being so literate about what is wrong with this greasy haired misogynist in need of a shave.

[@MyouKyuubi]

Thanks for the extremely helpful take bro... I had no idea that women want more, if they're into you... This is totally news to me, and i certainly wouldn't have figured it out without your input. Man am i glad you said that, because i totally had no idea, but now i do, because you said it... Wow... You're so smart... And so helpful, telling me that there's literally nothing i can do to make a woman desire me, that it's literally just pure chance... It makes it so easy to take action about something that you can't do anything about. :P Thanks for the help, dumbass... xD

[@PerdidoBlue]

@@yodatheweeb I saw this happen to my parents marriage. I never did figure out why the two married... so fast. My Father was always up front.. so I had to assume it was my Mother who was deceptive. I decided marriage was more dangerous than war.

[@CarlWithACamera]

The Tony Roma’s analogy and its extension to the relationship is similar to how I’ve explained it for a long time. I don’t need intellectual conversation, for example, from the woman in my life. And, in fact, I don’t really even want that. In an intellectual conversation two people might come to disagreement, over, say, politics. And in that circumstance, the less logical [read, more emotional] conversant, might not back down, might become angered or offended. If that person is the woman I’m sleeping with, I might end up sleeping in the spare bedroom and there might be tension in my home, for more than just a little while. If I go to lunch with my male friends and we have a substantive disagreement over some heated topic, well, lunch is over and we go our separate ways. By the time we get together again for another lunch we’ve forgotten our disagreements and are ready to engage again. No stress or drama has been added to my home or my life. Women don’t seem to understand that what they can uniquely bring that I can’t get from my friends is physical intimacy, which goes beyond just sex, it includes male/female companionship and sharing of common life goals that extend long into the future. She can also provide a level of support and loyalty my friends aren’t obligated to provide, and I can provide her the same. But without the bond of physical intimacy most of the rest doesn’t hold together; because I’m capable of bearing the load of life, whatever storms are brewing and problems that come up, all by myself, and quite well. All of what I need from a woman starts with, and is sustained by, my interest in her feminine attributes. Exactly and only what I can’t get from friends, from my internal mind or from hired help.

[@funwithmadness]

This reminds me of a question I've been asking various people for decades, be they young, old, male, female, married, single, whatever. Besides sex, what does a woman have to offer me that I cannot get from my friends or a dog? Yeah, it makes me sounds shallow, pretentious and condescending, but I've yet to hear a satisfactory answer. And there are a lot of women that get so angry and flustered by the question because they don't have an answer.

[@LetsTalkOnePiece]

Motherhood primarily (for your and her children), secondarily lifelong companionship (longer then the lifetime of a dog at least) and finally the happiness that comes from being part with her of a nuclear family and an unbroken lineage.

[@joshuaobrien6137]

@@LetsTalkOnePiece is life long companionship worth anything? I mean he gives her life long companionship, doesn't mean she will tolerate him not paying for everything and doing everything for her so why is it acceptable for him to consider that as a legitimate quality when she doesn't? Same with the happiness remark, wasn't good enough for women why should men settle for that? Or again, Fatherhood isn't valued at all so again, why should a man value a womans "motherhood"? Seems like a pretty shitty deal in my opinion.

[@LetsTalkOnePiece]

@@joshuaobrien6137 it is worth everything in a good relationship. and if this doesn't become important to her, the relationship loses it happiness, she should care about your lineage, and in the same vein she should value your fatherhood and masculinity. Find the diamonds (diamonds in the rough) and avoid the ho's.

[@LoutreEnGoguette]

Well, why would want to be with a woman if you don't like them in the first place? You do not have to force yourself into heterosexuality. By all means if women are of no interest you, why even waste both of your time ? You're only gonna end up hurting her, you, or both. Human beings do not have the sole purpose to be of use to anyone, that is the role of a tool or of an object. If you can enjoy the company of people and appreciate someone simply by the virtue of them being themselves, you understand what I am talking about. If women don't fall into that category for you, maybe you should leave them alone.

[@joshuaobrien6137]

@@LoutreEnGoguette Okay, you convinced me, people are not to be used. So women will no longer use men for their money then? Their protection? For their houses and cars and attention? This is a common tactic by women, demonize male desires in order to obfuscate women's own agendas. Women use men not the other way around(statistics bear this out), and women demand far more from men then men do of women. If a woman doesn't want to have sex with a man that is entirely her perogative, but then she should just admit to the man that she is either a lesbian or asexual and only wants his money. She doesn't have to be a liar(though then how would she be able to take a man for all he is worth if she was honest? Probably why women play these games to begin with). The fact is, I'm simply stating that if their are rules, then they should apply to both parties, if he has to provide and protect she doesn't get to deny his needs and wants simply because she has a vagina, that is not only sexist but incredibly machevillian and narcassistic. So if he should be happy with companionship and love(words not actions of course), then so should women. If not, think about how you would feel if you gave everything you had to a person only for that person to get offended the moment you wanted physical affection and assurance that they where not using you. Women would lose their minds(in fact they do, when they want sex we are not allowed to not be in the mood, if we reject them they freak out and insult and belittle us). Funny how all the "moral" actions go entirely one way i.e. they only benefit women and place demands on men.

[@infjinfj1900]

Dr. Taraban, I think you may be misunderstanding the full context of the question of “only wanting sex.” The underlying question for the women is also, “Are you willing satisfy my needs as well?” I believe this is more of a question of a man’s true intentions of her and a test to gauge if the transaction will be one sided. In today’s society of hook up culture, many men have used women for sex only while being completely transparent about it. No matter how much a woman tries makes effort to be something more than just a “sex object,” most often he will still see her that way due to his initial mindset. Men have openly admitted to using women they don’t deem as “good enough to date seriously” for sex. So, basically a woman is really questioning her perceived value to the man when she’s asking, “Do you want sex only?”

[@infjinfj1900]

@@ryanschneer Dr. Taraban said after an initial sexual encounter. I understand what he’s saying as far as a longer term relationship. We all know that not every man is going to be completely honest with his intentions upfront. Women have sexual desires and needs as well, so most often the initial encounter was mutual. Moving forward after that is when that question is typically asked when he initiates another encounter. I’m not trying to attack anyone or necessarily blame men. I’m just pointing out a different scenario as to why a woman would ask that question.

[@infjinfj1900]

@@ryanschneer “Do you only want sex?” is the exact question used in this video, not “Why do you only want sex?” Those are completely two different questions. The first one is a closed ended question, while the latter is open ended. If the answer to the first question is “yes,” then that’s directly implying that sex is the only thing the man is willing to reciprocate. The “only” part excludes all the other components of a romantic relationship. It’s not always about sex shaming. Usually, when a woman asks “Do you want sex only,” it’s coming from a place of being interested in possibly pursuing a relationship and more so clarifying if the man is open to a deeper level of intimacy. Again, in a long term dating scenario I could see how it could be sex shaming, but even in a long term situation the question could stem from the woman feeling compartmentalized. Typically that implies there’s a lack of emotional intimacy being reciprocated for her to be asking/clarifying.

[@rsc18]

I don't think women ask this question because they are denying to have sex, but rather, they don't want to be treated like prostitutes or hostesses. You only see value in someone if they are better than you at something? How about how you feel around them? Do they keep your secrets? Do they gossip? How do they treat their parents? What about their friends? Do you want to be treated that way when the initial rush is gone? Or if they have values or live in a way that passes well with you and your life plans. What about how they get along with your family and parents. I think there is a lot more a man might want a woman to provide. If she feels she is only being used as a sex toy/provider, then maybe she is concerned you are not going to treat them well in the long run. Besides, this is just my opinion but, having sex too soon, how can you evaluate someone's character if you are already seeing them in that light?

[@VixxKong2]

💯

[@lukegibson9410]

That applies if the woman is a virgin or has a very low body count. If she gave it for free and is using this "you only want sex" as an excuse, its unacceptable.

[@VixxKong2]

@@lukegibson9410 What about her humanity? What makes you think you can treat women differently depending on her virginal status? Unless you're married, smexx is not a duty. So it doesn't matter if she "gave it for free" at first or not. That doesn't mean that now you can treat her like a used sock to fill up whenever you feel like it.

[@lukegibson9410]

​@@VixxKong2 Women themselves know that the more partners they have had, the less desirable they are to men for a serious relationship. A woman who is not a virgin or high partner count is still a human, just a less desirable for a long-term relationship, in general. Not all humans are the same. I can treat people differently according to my values. A woman may treat Johnny Depp differently compared to a homeless man walking down the street. Do you have a problem with her because of that? I don't think so.

[@sshreddderr9409]

thats bullshit. they want resources, so they want it to be a transaction. its simply manipulation via guilt and shame to bully you into giving your value without them having to reciprocate anything, they take all your investment, and leave you for someone else whos more attractive or who provides more resources, opportunities or experiences when they can. if a manipulative phrase like that ever comes out, the relationship is on a times because that woman is consciously taking advantage of the man, and women like that never had any intention of staying or reciprocating anything. hearing a phrase like that should tell you that you need to withhold any attention and resources, and I guarantee you she will maybe try to get you to submit by offering sex or just leave you. you need to put your foot down immeadiately and recognize their manipulation, to get rid of these parasites immeadiately

[@mysticat7652]

3:13 You said it right there. "If people (men) can't get something they want (sex)... Main focus being to get a need met. Not, "How can I relate to this person & love them more deeply." 😮

[@Parrotdoxical]

Yes, yes! Big fan of this video. I remember in my first relationship my guy wanted sex all the time and for a little while I was thinking "does he only want sex?", but as we got to know each other more, I realized for him it was really a display of his love and care for me 🙂 we dated for 3 years, and his desire never waned, and honestly? It made me feel sexier! The fact that we could be having sex so frequently but he still was turned on by be made me feel great 🥰 ever since then I've never had any hang ups, most guys just like it 😂 I view it as a fun activity to do with your partner! (Although obviously if people want to do it differently that's fine) although I will say I think it helps me that I've only been in serious relationships, if you're not serious then I could see how one could doubt someone else's investment and feel like maybe you're being used. But that's why it's important to be clear with what your relationships are with who you are with! Regardless of the relationship! What are you both trying to get out of it? Be clear people!

[@MVProfits]

Nice post. But to be clear, for most men, and I'd add most SANE men, that's how it starts. With sex, fun, good vibes, chemistry. Most men are not instantly in "relationship" or "love" mode like so women tend to do. So deeper feelings and relationships aspects come later for us.

[@YouYou-sm8tf]

​@@MVProfits But women shouldn’t risk to get higher body count unless she is certain it’s a committed relationship and the man is a provider.

[@Magusgulf]

Great point. It hugely helps that you only have sex in commited relationships. Thanks for sharing

[@TGP109]

OK Kenna, but it's easy for men to lie to get sex. Most women will not be comfortable just having sex without some commitment.

[@balancer182]

@@TGP109 So you're more willing to have sex once the man has demonstrated that he is with you for the long run?

[@Senor0Droolcup]

This is spot on. It’s very important in long-term marriages as well. People’s interest in sex can change dramatically as they age. But a smart wife will always keep in mind the importance of keeping her husband sexually satisfied. This has little to do with frequency of sex or variety of sex acts. It is far more important to keep the man convinced that he is sexually desired by a desirable woman. This is not hard to do but so many wives don’t bother, finding it “beneath” them. Smart wives understand it and can accomplish with very little effort.

[@xxcelr8rs]

Well put, and so true.

[@jayzenstyle]

So true. Sex feels so good if you can feel how much a woman genuinely adores you as a person. Sex may seem mechanical on the surface level, but it's also the core desire to love and be loved while expressing it in the most intimate and physical manner(pleasing both parties hopefully).

[@devcron7041]

I’m imagining that you all treat your marriages like RTS game where you have to guess the strategy of your opponent and i can’t imagine a worse hell if that’s the case

[@mylesleggette7520]

"It is far more important to keep the man convinced that he is sexually desired by a desirable woman. " Exactly this, well said! My wife can't seem to get it through her head that reiterating to me that she appreciates me keeping track of how often we have sex so that she knows "when she has to do it more," does not, in fact, make me interested in doing it more. She also doesn't understand that I don't bring up the money she spends on a membership with a gym she goes to once every four months isn't about the $50/month, it's about the fact that twice-weekly conversations about how fat she has gotten and how much better looking I am than her have to be balanced by an honest attempt to do something about it.

[@Ace.0.0.0.]

​​@@mylesleggette7520ou are having transactional sex. Establish a reasonable boundary. Tell her you have this many weeks to lose this much weight. If you don't achieve that, I will get sex from another woman, or women. Then find one or more who wants to have sex with you, and do it. No need to sneak around.

[@SirShiv7]

My ex (who I nearly married, but started lagging on popping the question once I started seeing a lot of red flags creeping up) pulled the, 'I'm not going to have sex with you anymore until we get married' trope. We didn't last long after that, even after I tried explaining why that was such a toxic thing to pull after months of an active sexual relationship. No one teaches women about men anymore or how sex actually works - to them it's just a weapon to get what you want.

[@Tie509]

Yes, if she began using sex as weapon to get what she wanted before marriage, you know that she would have definitely used sex as a weapon during the marriage. You made a fantastic decision!

[@Kittyququmber]

What else is on the menu?? Interesting. Men’s sexual needs and desires? Men expect women to behave like they did in the early years of the relationship. 3-5 years in , and they expect sex at their beck and call, and drop all the niceties that brought them together. Many men have no problem watching the wife carry in the groceries and the kids while he finishes watching the baseball game. They have no problem expecting the wife to get up in the middle of the night to look after the sick child bcs he has to work in the morning. Never mind she has to as well but one hour later after she takes the others to daycare. The reason most women start disliking sex after 3-5 years into the marriage is bcs suddenly this so called husband starts acting as a petulant spoilt teenager that has to be asked to take the garbage out, then again asked to line the garbage can and can he please turn his socks right side out before he throws them in the laundry. Ask any woman if that same man came back and would present himself as he did then-yes she would want have sex with him. Problem is this is not the guy she was presented with. But never mind. Another man will come around and tempt her and spurns her desires again. Women are sexual beings too. They just have a problem when their husbands turn into mamas boy and act as petulant bratty inconsiderate teenagers who have the upper hand of stating “i work hard to provide a home blah blah blah. Biggest turn off for a woman is an infant bratty spoilt non empathetic husband…

[@kdjoshi726]

Wasn't she right tho? What if you accidently got her pregnant before marriage & leave her? That's what a lot of women dread honestly

[@SirShiv7]

@@kdjoshi726 If that was a genuine concern it would have been from the start. Don't defend this toxic behavior, it's why women never learn and things keep getting worse.

[@stephenluke2347]

In the pre-pill days before the mid 60's boys were warned that if they got a girl pregnant the HAD TO MARRY HER. Any girl who was free with her faviours may have an STD so don't touch her@@Tie509

[@TheJoaneD]

In my personal experience, my longest and most enduring relationships (10+ years) comprised as much sex as either one wanted. I never feared being cheated on. In all cases, I was the one who ended the relationship when I was no longer attracted to my partner. Stronger bonds develop when both are equally enthousiastic. Women are shooting thermselves in the foot when they hold sex as a bargaining chip. Men are more likely to take good care of their women when they are satisfied.

[@PCMenten]

That’s a new-for-me perspective on the whole do-you-only-want-me-for-sex question. The shaming is so toxic. Thanks for offering a different perspective.

[@your_royal_highness]

I have heard that a LOT. “All men want is sex” in a disgusted tone of voice. I remember a woman whose husband died and she bought up the fact that she thought he might have been gay because he was not interested in sex. What I discovered way down the road was that she was interested in me. Women need an educated.

[@CoolKoon]

Yeah, that disgusted tone of voice makes it obvious that women who say it are prudes at best (and many times really toxic in fact).

[@marte1376]

Lol no, we just learned that many men dont want us and are unable to see us as something beyond an object, no reason to entertain crap like this

[@patnor7354]

"All you want is sex" is something women only say to them men they are not attracted to or don't want anything more from. If a women says this to you it's time to send her packing.

[@-_Somebody_]

New subscriber here! Your delivery on these topics is straight and to the point, no bs. Thank you for being balanced. I can learn a lot from your channel as a woman.

[@pnketia]

Women use sex to get a relationship while men use a relationship to get sex!

[@Yay-hovah]

Biologically speaking, women only want a man’s DNA, protection and resources, but they can also get resources and protection from certain welfare states so all they need men for in that situation is a baby with superior genetics, additional resources or wealth (in welfare states) and protection.

[@rodrigo100kk]

Very accurate.

[@John-us2ns]

Men are the gatekeepers of commitment Women are the gatekeepers of sex.

[@emanuelmota7217]

That's a bingo.

[@csmith9699]

@pnketia Very old stereotype

[@91splamy]

For me it’s not that sex is disgusting or demeaning. Sometimes my husband would barely talk to me all day and then when I was about to get ready for bed try to initiate sex with me. I get him wanting to connect with me, but men need to understand that we need at least a little connection first. If you don’t talk to me all day and then expect sex, is it really that surprising that I think you only want sex from me? We’ve come to understand each other better and we have a much better relationship but that is something I’ve heard a lot from other women.

[@kristofergray6138]

A man wants to be allowed to display his attraction to his woman all day long. But if the woman sees this, only as a desire for sex, and not just simply as a desire for his woman, she pushes this away. Which makes the man feel like the only time he’s allowed to display his sexual desire for his woman is in bed. If your husband seems cold, it’s probably because he is trying hard not to share his sexual feelings with you and this is frustrating for a man.

[@kristofergray6138]

If a man is truly in love with a woman, then everything she does to him is sexy because in his mind, she is a sexy woman all the time.

[@sylviacarlson3561]

@@kristofergray6138 That's sweet to hear

[@cualter]

Yeah, agreed. It's as if they don't understand that one cannot be disconnected and isolated all day and expect their partner to just be ready and waiting in the sidelines for the moment they decide to emerge from their cocoon and re-engage.

[@ZeroNumerous]

@@cualter Well, what do you do to build that connection? How many conversations did you initiate that day? Is he avoiding you, busy, or emotionally unavailable? Are you avoiding him, busy, or otherwise emotionally unavailable? How often have you told him "don't talk to me right now" or "don't talk to me when I'm busy"? Always remember that it takes two to tango. If he's disconnected and isolated, then looking for the reason is always the first step. And that means recognizing that sometimes those problems are created by both people.

[@Calembunial]

My partner once opened up about how when she was growing up, she often struggled about feeling accepted and worried if she would be attractive enough for someone to have sex with her. I kind of feel like this is why she ended up being such a wonderful person. She is humble and understands that a man seeing her as sexually desirable is a good thing. Only spoiled and entitled women deem it as something to be frowned upon. They're the only ones who treat it as a nuisance.

[@madisonhasson8981]

I will disagree. My wife was constantly asking this question, not because she was spoiled but had severe mental health issues and refused to acknowledge them or get help. Once she finally got help, she stopped asking.

[@TGP109]

Men don't understand because their hormone levels are almost always the same, at least while young. Women are on a rollercoaster by comparison. Having children also throws things out of whack, sometimes for years.

[@maciejasz78]

Doctor my wife has an inferiority complex. What can I do to keep her that way?

[@blackswan4486]

@@madisonhasson8981 I don’t think your wife is mentally ill. Just because she sees through your bullshit.

[@blackswan4486]

@@TGP109 maybe it’s not our hormones. Maybe it’s because of how you dehumanize us and only think about how our problems affect you.

[@AndreyGreenYtube]

The main conclusion: You should break up the very moment you hear something like "do you only want sex?" or you're turned down without solid reason. This train has gone, let's waste no time on her and find another, better girl.

[@rrmackay]

I was dating a woman that use that lame old only sex line to end it, trying to shame me into doing what she wanted with a threat of ending it. I just said okay and walk out the door.

[@OffGridInvestor]

IMAGINE expecting a sexual relationship with NOTHING SEXUAL. It's like ordering a burger and saying "hold the bun, the meat patty, the lettuce, the cheese, the sauce" and then when you pick it up it's an empty bag and you're like "WHERE'S MY BURGER"??

[@donut_life12]

That is what sex for women is like. All the penetration w none of the orgasms.

[@ppumpkin3282]

If your woman is not as interested in sex as you are you should call her out on it. Don't let her put you in the position where she acts like that you want it more than she does.

[@marciamartins1992]

That's when you're incompatible and it's ok to break up.

[@am-vy1fb]

Just leave, dont demand anything.

[@swanee22]

@@am-vy1fb Excellent advice. Lots of fish in the sea.

[@bbainter7880]

Um.......no woman is as interested in sex as her man is. None. Most men would have sex 12 times a day if their woman was up to the task. No woman is up to the task. Compatability is a compromise.

[@bobbyscalchi4013]

​@@am-vy1fbor beg for anything or anyone for that matter. Know when to give the benefit of the doubt. Three times. Three strikes, and when to walk away and cut your losses.

[@adkdan]

These videos are really good for people who see relationships as a transactional power play. They miss all the nuance of what relationship offers. The benefits cannot just be so easily pidgeonholed into categories like intelligent convo, kindness, etc. Those are talked of here like commodities to be traded. Most people simply value connection with those who are interested. Just being connected has its own value. The one thing I've always loved about being in a relationship is, observing how they do things, how they dress, how they decorate the house, wondering what they are thinking, about me, about romance, and yes, if sex is something they want to "dance" toward.

[@marencruickshank]

Im all for being sex positive and many women were taught be be sexually conservative. However when someone mistreats you, disrespect and dishonour you then the only moment they show love and interest is when its time for sex then it make it seems like all he wants from you is sex.

[@tylerdurden3722]

For us, sex is validation. In a relationship, its validation that giving his resources (grinding himself to the bone to provide resources) is validated. the disrespect is probably because he realizes he's inadequate in some areas. 1. If a man's #1 priority is sex, a monogamous relationship is definitely not the best way to go about that, since its a downgrade in one's ability to get sex. Unless it's a man most other women dont want. 2. Men inherently want sexual variety. Again, a monogamous relationship is not the best way to find sexual variety. A man who is only interested in sex, will be reluctant to enter a monogamous relationship. A man committing to a monogamous relationship, is the proof that his #1 priority is not sex. But it is a requirement because a big sacrifice was made...the agreement is, I will sacrifice sex with others for sex with only you, knowing that there's no way your libido can keep with a human who has 20 times more testosterone (the stuff involved in sex drive).

[@michajastrzebski4383]

love and interest is not free, and sex is inherently part of relationship - without said sex, there is no relationship whatsoever. So why do you expect love and interest without providing the bare minimum?

[@latexlieutenant]

ABSOLUTELY LOVED this video, and the passion behind the words, Doctor. I fear it may be lost on deaf ears among many women, but I'm glad we have such an unfiltered, positive, and informed voice for us men out there. 🙏🏼 Sending love & appreciation from Seattle!

[@millenialbroadcast]

Too logical for women to accept

[@233kosta]

My default answer to that question has now become "I want much more, but that's rarely, if ever, on offer". Honest, accurate, concise.

[@junikafer141]

Ist's easy. Don't sleep with a man before you share a deep emotional bond and connection. This way you avoid the garbage. That's how I found my husband. Sex with the right man ist gigantic. Never settle for less.

[@andersnielsen6044]

I fully agree.. So let it be 20-30 minutes after you've met before having un-protected sex.. ;)

[@michajastrzebski4383]

why would I marry a woman without an enforceable guarantee that I get what I want? Because once married, you know...leaving, for men, is guaranteed destroyed life. You want a rather shitty deal for men.

[@emanuelmota7217]

But the way most men develop a deep, emotional bond with a women is through good sex (or strong sexual attraction).. If the sex is no good - or non-existent - or if we discover that we're not sexually compatible with a woman - most men will not care to get you know you better, or stick around for long. For some reason Nature made men and women VERY different in this area.

[@Tgogators]

There are a few things to this: What's gotten me laid a few times the last 15 months is being honest about wanting to sleep with her..but there is a seduction to it (a build up...a wooing) and how you seduce is going to be unique to your personality, and yes, you will be rejected more than accepted. If one is too upfront about it, she'll likely see it as you don't value her company and other aspects about her. It's making that connection and getting a sense of respect from her that leads to sex (by the way, women won't sleep with a man she does not respect, aside from "conditional sex"). The other part is, she's kind of testing you. The trick is to respond like, "Yes I'm a guy and I like sex, I'm not ashamed of that." If the guy apologizes for being a guy, it's a bit of a turn off (at least, typically). Men and women look at things different, women (men do too , but for this example) tend to take the things they look for in guys and think that's how guys should look at women. I've called out a few on that and they usually see natural error in their ways. You can take that question and win her over. She's also seeing if you have a backbone.

[@jarichards99utube]

Yes that all sounds about right to me 😊 👍 -70SomethingGuy

[@uhnborhn5032]

No, she's warning you she'll be a headache now and in the future. Your backbone just let's you get what you want and have to deal with the nonsense.

[@arsenal4444]

@@uhnborhn5032 yes technically true, but true literally 100% of the time and dna encoded, so not relevant in any consideration, always applies

[@xxxxxxxx8903]

This is the best answer I've seen so far. What Psyhacks and most men seem to fail to understand is how bad sex feels to a women when she's not wanting it. It is not just another chore to her, it's much worse than that. It makes her hate herself, hate sex and eventually despise her husband. This apparently has a hormonal reason behind it; John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) teaches that a woman's oxytocin levels need to go up for her to experience sexual touch as pleasant. If oxytocin hormones are low, she will feel sexual touch repulsive. Hugging a woman, romancing her, listening to her, CONNECTING with her outside of the bedroom, all these are designed to raise her oxytocin levels. It is not just something women come up with to make her man work for it. Just as women should learn to appreciate men and how they are built, men should do the same. :)

[@RobertMorgan]

All that gets me is slapped and told I'm TOO honest. Fuck me, it's hard to be honest and lie and tell you what you want to hear. I'll be 40 this year.

[@gwenrobinson3521]

The point that has been missed is that when she asks a question like that it comes from a hurt place. You are basically calling her not high value, going to be another guy who could use her and move on. I have ask this and did not have sex. If he cannot be straight up with his intentions then he has flaws. To many men are not straight from the start. You know what your intentions are, but play some game and are butt hurt over being ask what you expect. Be respectful and have some honor.

[@verlaneifert8433]

I appreciate that you spoke candidly, it took a lot of courage to say something that you know won't be received well. I like what you said about sex not being devoid of emotion, if there is an emotional aspect to sex, then there is a relationship. In today's "hook up" society, it is difficult for women to see that desire for relationship in men. Both men and women, but men more so, are dismissing the emotional intimacy and bond that is inherent in the act of sex for immediate physical gratification. Sex is extremely important to men, but it is also important to women, and sexual relationships are also the only place a woman can "get it". Women also bring enthusiasm to the sexual relationship in the way they dress, walk, flirt, dance, etc.. Believe it or not, we want it too. For a woman, sex isn't just physical, though the physical aspects of it are great. Sex is deeply and irrevocably tied to relationship and trust. In the past, it was reserved for a committed, unbreakable relationship only - marriage. Today, sex has left the parameter of a safe, monogamous, life long relationship and there is risk involved. A woman is not only putting herself physically and emotionally in a man's hands (so to speak), but also her future - the possibility of getting pregnant. Yes, there is birth control, but it is still a concern. Men, not all men, but a large portion of them, have abandoned their role as men: provider and protector of a wife and family, to remain boys and have reduced the sexual relationship to a game. If the predominant role of a woman in the relationship is to provide a sexual outlet, where does that leave her when she ages? When she is no longer beautiful and desirable? When she hits menopause and sex is painful which in turn causes desire to wane? What is her value in the relationship when sex isn't possible anymore do to illness, mental, or physical issues? What if the relationship is damaged so that a woman isn't comfortable giving herself physically and emotionally to her partner? Men go "find it on the black market"? Is that acceptable? If the "ribs" are no longer available at the restaurant of your choosing, do you dismiss the rest of the menu and eat elsewhere? If so, then, you have in fact, devalued a woman, and made her only "meat on the menu".

[@jeanniechamberlain8776]

This is so good! thank you for your comment. I was feeling upset because I don’t feel safe having sex with someone I don’t feel safe with emotionally. Yet this video didn’t really address that. I do feel like meat because I’m not allowed to have the boundary of feeling safe emotionally first.

[@lindsay3268]

@@jeanniechamberlain8776 These are the comments i was looking for. As a woman sex is great, but i don't want empty sex for the sake of it. That wears on me and i end of feeling like i am not valued. i want to connect and i want to feel safe. i am extremely loyal. i'm not just with a random man because he gives me sex. It's him and closeness with him i'm after and intimacy with and without sex is very important in that. i've often made the mistake of allowing sex before feelings have become deep enough. And then i have a partner who really seems to not care at all regardless of how much sex he's getting. It's so sad to me.

[@oups5010]

I think the same !

[@kymandrew1850]

Thank you for writing this and offering an explanation of our situation as we age. There seems to be a trend of completely disregarding all the care and sense of belonging, the value of a shared life. One comment in a thread here even mentions where guys can buy virgins. Says it all.

[@richerDiLefto]

Exactly. If I don’t feel emotionally connected to a man, I can’t get horny for him. If he doesn’t make any effort to help me keep my *estrogen* up by touching me non-sexually throughout the day or making me feel like I can trust him, the hormones just won’t work and sex just makes me feel used, like I’m being masturbated inside of. Not interested.

[@jennajewert]

I still think there can be value in waiting to have sex. Didn't people used to do that fairly regularly back in the day? Wasn't that kind of the norm? You courted, got to know each other, got to know each other's friends and family slowly over time and then a decision was made to either escalate by proposing or just break it off? I don't get why this is seen as impossible today. Inconvenient, perhaps but achievable.

[@lightworker2956]

If both people want this, sure, it can still happen. It still happens in religious communities. What does make this harder though is that young guys are often super horny, and if they have to choose between woman 1 who is fine with sex after 1-3 weeks vs woman 2 who wants to wait months or 1-2 years before sex, then the young guy is probably choosing woman 1. Even if woman 2 would make him happier in the long term.

[@bjrock1235]

@@lightworker2956 That’s just him being stupid then, he can still be sexual with her without actually getting sex until marriage. He should learn to relieve himself with masturbation in the meantime until marriage.

[@GenXHistorian]

That used to be the case because both men and women were traditional. Now, modern women want a traditional man but don’t want to be a traditional woman. That’s the disconnect.

[@Nah-ah]

It’s a speed dating/hookup culture these days! 😅

[@alfredopampanga9356]

The answer. It’s because women use the interval between first contact and first sex to extract more resources from a thirsty man. They may , in fact , never give sex but prolong the phase until the man realises he is being had.

[@jamescollins408]

Remember, a 'creep' is someone that a woman does not wish to reciprocate with. She has to find a man attractive first to accept his advances.

[@GreatRetro]

That is not the problem! the problem is that women don't find a guy attractive but don't let him go manipulating him instead sucking all time, emotions, resources out of him first...

[@alajndress]

A creep is someone a woman is incapable of seducing and/or submitting to. This term is almost always exclusive to bitter, despicable females with no game. It's why Kevin Samuels used the 3F (fit/friendly/feminine) as the base MINIMUM standard for women to be attractive.

[@Susurro]

A creep is someone who demands reciprocation of their attraction/feelings from a woman who is clearly uninterested

[@karinesavard2016]

Indeed, he might be goodlooking but an asshole in bed 😂🤣😂😂

[@danielpayne1597]

The points here are well articulated. That said, I have sex with my wife because I love her... the other way around also applies, but I loved her before we married & mated and I would love her even during times when we aren't doing the deed. Of course, withholding that from each other would be stupid, but I will stick with her in good times and bad. In our first year of marriage, my wife expressed concern that I just wanted sex, and I explained that I saved myself for you, baby, you're all I want, and I've waited a long time for this. But also that I loved her regardless and for other reasons on top of that. Once I communicated that, she quickly grew to accept and even seek intimacy. Communication, boys. It's essential.

[@positivelynegative9149]

Thank you for this discussion. This topic led to the end of my last relationship (and the only one I've had in 15 years). This really put things in perspective for me. 👍 EDIT, after listening to this a second time: I now realize part of the problem was that she had gradually decreased our activities to the point at which sex was all I hoped to get from her. She never wanted to go out. In the beginning, I enjoyed spending time with her when we did all sorts of things, but we were no longer doing anything but hanging out at her apartment watching TV, which I hate. I should have distanced myself in order to create scarcity (of myself) instead of always being there. And, when we did meetup, I should have demanded she join me more often in things I like doing.

[@dr.d3011]

This is the best channel on KZbin right now! Constantly dropping bars.

[@tomaszsosnowski9279]

Agree. Down to earth and not a grift.

[@monsurmia971]

Well Sir, this was truly GOLD! If a man cannot get what he "naturally craves" ie "ribs" at Tony Romas, he will seek "IT" out elsewhere. BRILLIANTLY explained Sir.

[@Steve-n9g7i]

I'm cracking up about Tony Romas chef being mad about the customers only ordering Ribs.

[@МаринаМорозова-с9в]

Thank you! I am in relationship with my bf for 2 years but sometimes I still have this question in my head. You explained everything very well!

[@balancer182]

I would like your perspective, why do you have that question? Is it because you feel he doesn't care about you beyond using you for sex? What can a man do to make a woman's worries disappear? Do more activities with her beyond sex?

[@МаринаМорозова-с9в]

I had this question a lot in my head before he started to discuss marriage and children with me - I was afraid that he doesn't see me as a wife material and just using for sex before he finds a better woman. I still sometimes have this question when we do not see each other for a long periods of time (for a week or more due to university/work), I just overthink everything, but when we are together IRL and especially we spend long weekends together I do not have this question - he cares about me a lot, we cuddle a lot, he says a lot of nice things to me, so this question just disappears.

[@lightworker2956]

@@МаринаМорозова-с9в Player-types, or men who always try to trade up for a better woman, get a ton of attention. However in reality they're very rare, and they're also easy to spot (they're usually very handsome, get tons of unasked for attention from women, and are often pretty shallow). Your picture shows that you're not ugly, and if you're also not a nightmare to be around, he'll most likely be happy to eventually marry you.

[@balancer182]

@@МаринаМорозова-с9в Thank you, so you're just worried he only sees you as a hookup when you want a relationship. And those fears go away once he demonstrates it and spends time with you.

[@KD400_]

Ur eastern European right. I'm sure u have better values than the west.

[@driiifter]

I call it the Low Life effect. I run into and have dated several women who are so used to low lifes that they don't have to put in any effort and they assume you have unlimited resources and time and energy to waste on their nonsense because you're a low life and have no goals or skills or mastery. When they run into guys who actually value their time and goals, they short circuit, they have no idea how to get to phase 2, they've probably never really bonded before or it was prolly one time in grade school.

[@KotCR]

This has often been my experience too. I don't reply to a text straight away, I must not be interested. Erm, no, my phone is on silent, and I have other things going on and don't want to be disturbed, I'm in work or focusing on a personal project for a day. It's not that I'm not interested I just have other things I need to also do with my time, and I'm not about to make someone I just met a priority. I've actually learned that a woman without a hobby, a proper hobby (partying or watching soaps doesn't count), is one of the biggest red flags there is. Sometimes a woman is surprised I'm so interested that they do cross-stitching, paint pictures, or even take gaming seriously - but I genuinely am, because it means there is more substance to them than just endlessly seeking validation and spreading their legs - and women with actual substance to them are becoming harder and harder to find - so it's great when you meet one who does; The rest of the women just insanely disinterest me.

[@hotlucky5622]

I'm stealing this concept

[@Stadsjaap]

Girl: "You only want sex?" Guy: "You mean there's MORE? Sign me up!"

[@marte1376]

If you're unable to see a woman's value, that's a reflection of you, not her

[@Stadsjaap]

@@marte1376 Guess you didn't read the guidelines but OK. If a woman sleeps with a man without knowing whether he values her, is that on him too?

[@ArchAngel435]

Loved your podcast. Yes, sonetimes men only want sex. I'm married, rarely refuse sex, but when I do, especially if I'm very upset with him, he'll get abusive, even threaten to leave. Doesn't care that Im unhappy in the relationship, won't try to fix the problems relating to finance ( he's sole provider) or communication. I get the feeling that he uses sex as stress buster and to control me.

[@misterserious3522]

Who did you think you chose to get married to?

[@artistrg3487]

@@misterserious3522They’re rarely obvious at the start of the relationship.

[@ZA56AA]

Women seem to constanty have bewilderment about almost everything. They seem to be always "shocked and awed" about every single aspect that concerns their lives.

[@joseph6243]

It's an engineered response.

[@Volkbrecht]

it's not just the women. It's all of us. The more we stray away from our rituals and get raised under the illusion of being equal and rational, the more we get confused. Thousands of years of societal evolution had created rulesets that were somewhat conducive to raising us into the roles we tend to function in, and replace the remaining uncertainties with customs and conventions. By chipping away at that foundation we increasingly find ourselves at sea without a chart or compass, which leaves us with logic: do unto others what you would want them to do to you. But since men and women are not similar enough for this to work out, an increasing share of people finds themselves unable to lead functional, fullfilling relationships.

[@jonnyvelocity]

Reality has that affect on those living in a fantasy.

[@lightworker2956]

Well, just about all men want to fuck young women, and so they tell young women what they want to hear. And almost all women would rather say what's socially acceptable than what's actually true. And of course, companies and writers just say whatever sells best. And so young women get lied to by everyone, and as a result they accumulate a whole lot of false notions.

[@willyjensen8595]

That was a very cold and unemotional point of view, we are not all the same so some of us see things differently

[@MAC...]

It is interesting listening to this in the context of being a Christian guy where sex is not expected till marriage, so it has to be about enjoying the personality of the person first and foremost.

[@hufficag]

Or in traditional Chinese villages

[@basedmathh]

I think it certainly will stand a much better chance if you wait to see if you like them. If she turns out to be obtuse and gaslights ect then you really dodge a bullet by not deepening and complicating the emotions.

[@JuniperLamplight16]

Let's be honest, as a Muslim man, the anticipation of having sex with a beautiful girl you're getting to know for, say, a year is a strong motivator as to whether or not you'll want to marry that person, so the idea of sex plays a huge role in mate selection, whether we admit it or not. This is especially important when you're not allowed to have sex outside of marriage, so it becomes a more scarce resource that's sought after through the marriage contract.

[@am-vy1fb]

This christian shit annoys me as fuck.

[@ASophieGarden]

Lol 😂.. saw the 3 part series: Being "of value" and "useful" to a man makes it so he won't leave you. But he'll be willing to cheat on you because you're just a resource, not someone he loves, appreciates and respects. Women, please do not be the ones to "make the offer". You'll seem needy or demanding, they won't value you, and it emasculates them. They need "the chase" for their own psyche. - Source: plenty of experience. Finally, the end game is what makes you happy. A "lower value" person is subjective to the culture you're in and how you personally perceive the world if you choose to go out of the norm (Some people find thousand dollar bags laughable). And most important: remember that it's preferable to be alone than with bad company. You should always be your own best company. In all situations: enjoy life.

[@Uzodesign]

Your videos are a breathbof fresh air. I love the eloquent way you're able to pass along your ideas in order to provide deep insight.

[@jimsjacob]

My gal has only stayed with me because of what I can provide. I can repair/install just about everything. When ever I ask her to reciprocate with her skill sets (insert all the traditional roles) I get nothing but guilt trips. Ready to move on since all I get is job assignments and fights if I ask for something for me…

[@dualaccumulator]

Hope you left that trashy ball chain of a woman brother, you deserve better.

[@stevegwizzle3560]

So did u move on?

[@AntiTheismForever]

Well, looking at this question from another angle, if the relationship is primarily about availability of sex, and little more than that, objectification is a valid concern. Expecting your partner to perform every time you want sex is self-evidently selfish and should be considered a red flag rather than just hypersexuality. If companionship is secondary and sex primary the odds of such a shallow relationship lasting for very long are poor indeed. Such relationships tend to be transactional in nature, an expectation that sex should be readily available in exchange for the benefits provided.

[@TGP109]

BINGO!

[@karinesavard2016]

Amen!! 🙏❤

[@TonecrafteLuthiery]

Over the years I’ve noticed that there’s some people in this world who have different views about sex and sexuality, whether it’s a logical thing or something rooted in their own past experiences or traumas. I’ve met girls who would have sex 5 times a day if you can keep up. And I’ve also met girls who are the polar opposite of that. People who think every single expression of your own sexuality is somehow and intrusion on their validity as a human being. The truth is that we all want and need healthy sexual relationships, not for the pleasure, but for the human connection. That’s what it’s all about. Human beings are a social species. We need to feel close and connected to each other to maintain a healthy romantic relationship.