You are two men: how to accelerate your development

[@psychacks]

In today's episode, I discuss a model that has personally helped me to become a better man. For your own progress, it is useful to consider that you are two men: the Worldly Man and the Spiritual Man. While the Worldly Man wants things to be easy, the Spiritual Man needs things to be difficult. In this way, you can always make use of circumstances to facilitate your growth. This is how to accelerate your development as a man. Join my community: the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #selfimprovement #men

[@rik9833]

@@psychacks I can't help but think that if you were black that this video would hit 1000 times deeper. It still is deep thanks for the info

[@highlighthilltop5470]

Will you please do a video on how to negotiate a pre nup?

[@everlastingvoice808]

Just Realized you've been calling us "Furrows" for the past 2 years😂. Great videos by the way!

[@KyleCalling]

I am two men, one that is longing to serve thee utterly and one that is afraid.

[@kissinbandita]

The first two minutes of this are a brilliant abstraction of the abstraction 😉. I’m glad I heard it.

[@viveksinghchauhan1930]

Your content, you have no idea how many lives it's changing. A few days ago, I went through a really bad breakup, and it was a tough phase for me. I watched all your content, every single bit of it. It's not that I've completely moved on, but I've reached a point of acceptance and started focusing on what truly matters in my life. And life is rewarding me for it too. I watch all your content, multiple times, and it has made a real difference. Thank you, man. Truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@Systemic-Thoughts]

Out of curiosity, which of the many lessons was the most helpful in dealing with your breakup? I wish you well in your path forward

[@7184610369]

I can relate and at least somewhat under you. I too had a very hard break-up just yesterday. It's still very painful, but this video (and his others) help.

[@viveksinghchauhan1930]

@@Systemic-Thoughtshow to let go of someone

[@AndRei-yc3ti]

Indian detected, opinion rejected

[@michaelnazar9358]

.

[@blue-phoenix115]

After Christmas dinner, I feel like Two and a Half Man.

[@austinkesler4493]

At Christmas dinner I feel like Charlie sheen..

[@georgeelder8415]

You'll lose the other half at the gym...

[@marcuschauvin7039]

i ate for 3

[@janeentumbao8690]

Charlie Sheet or Ashton Kutcher version?😂

[@Geaxuce]

Or after a couple lines of coke, from what I've heard anyways​@@georgeelder8415

[@Dylan_Tendai]

This explains why going to the gym is the quickest way to develop yourself. It strengthens both the physical man and the spiritual man.

[@FreedomRider-id6yv]

Doesn’t have to be in a gym, run outside through the woods, get some dumbbells and lift at home

[@rik9833]

Socailizing also is huge

[@zoec.johnson1348]

How does the gym develop your spirit?

[@rik9833]

@@zoec.johnson1348 you are facing a difficult challenge.

[@brookswashere3400]

I am now understanding this at 31. I was raised to believe materialism is bad and money is evil. But saw that I was resentful of those that had what I desired. In addition, the people I resented still thrived spiritually and were accepted by those who taught me not to be that . I think it’s possible to practice the other when you are thriving in one .

[@Mereologist]

The Bible very carefully says 'LOVE of money is the root of all evil'. It's not the money that is bad... it is when you place TOO much importance on it. When you let the pursuit of it compromise your virtue. I think this is true of a lot of things. Aristotle phrased a similar idea differently in that he thought all virtue lay between the extremes of two vices: A person obsessed with wealth was greedy or or a miser, but a person who placed no importance on wealth was no better - he was a wastrel who couldn't be trusted. Better to be in the middle. A careful shepherd of what you have and an honest trader willing to expand if he doesn't hurt others. We all benefit from mercantile exchanges which offer honest goods or honest work.

[@IAmTheEggMan111]

This is the fatal flaw of the occupy Wall Street types

[@joetheboy04]

Materialism IS "bad". Materialism rejects the spiritual. That is exactly his point that materialists are asymmetrical in their development and he recommend balancing the two by striving to pursue growth physically and spiritually. Christ said the same: "Man shall not live by bread (physical/material) ALONE...." The judeochristian version is much deeper!

[@caveymoley]

As a spiritual man, I feel wholly called out by the first half. Well done for holding up that mirror to me, I must address my suppressed envy and allow my worldly self to grow.

[@yanga_pangomso]

This is so good. I’ve struggled with this internally for a long time. My church places a strong emphasis on spiritual development while completely disregarding worldly success, which I totally understand. However, I can’t help but sense a bit of bitterness about the lack of worldly success. I’ve never understood why there couldn’t be a more balanced approach or at least some level of moderate worldly success.

[@jdsartre9520]

muscle: if you use it, you have more of it next time muscle is spiritual

[@isaac-x7y]

haha good point! I think you can build muscle with both spiritual and worldly motivations. If you are competing with other men to be the biggest and strongest, you are in a worldly state of mind. But if you are in the gym entering a flow state, focusing on execution, overcoming challenge; you are more in a spiritual state of mind. Muscle is partly us and partly separate also. Sometimes it can feel like you are wearing a meat suit; which must be maintained by consuming resources (worldly) and other times you feel that you and the muscle are one thing, in which case of course it is spiritual. At least that's my understanding of this idea.

[@saf3973]

No dont get confused, its the same with money investing, yes u loose some but gain some later, what doc is trying to say is that whenever u use something and at that exact moment u have less of it, then its worlds time to work, muscle gets teared up, tired and weak at that exact moment (worlds domain)

[@Daire-x6r]

@@saf3973 Aren't you weak and tired when you fight your fear, but you overcome it over time?

[@saf3973]

@@Daire-x6r there is no such thing as fear, there is say "mental strength" which is getting better each time(spiritual's domain) and suffering or pain whilst fighting the fear(worlds domain). U kinda have to break down some of them that seem obvious, but in reality they are not

[@ahmedelalfy3107]

I think the idea is to be balanced, well rounded and multifaceted so you can draw on whatever strength in you to deal with the situation at hand and keep making progress

[@tlz8884]

This is a platinum level blueprint for life. It will be helping me navigate my experiences moving forward. I have been focusing too much on lightening the wordly price, and not enough on spiritual resilience side.

[@enki-not-enlil]

This is so important, maybe the most important thing in a man's life. I had both parts of me fighting for attention ( or maybe it was me fighting... Whatever... ) now I feel both of them being present at the same time. Like my ego is in the left brain and my higher self is in the right brain.

[@SenorHernanCortes]

That's a literal gem of a video

[@fahritahagurbuz]

This episode helped me deal with my perfectionism so much better than any other approaches actually. I feel like this is the cure that I was looking for. Thank you very much for this episode doc

[@ggr68]

When Doc uploads it's like Christmas

[@edheldude]

I mean it _is_ still Christmas.

[@smsk2278]

I am 5 guys

[@davidmann1871]

I like your burgers

[@elinope4745]

I love your burgers and fries

[@sarthakrulestheworld]

😂

[@TravisRetzlaff]

@smsk2278 Food is great but Coke Freestyle is your best asset.

[@fallout_jesus]

Fucking lol bro

[@emac1804]

Dr. Taraban, the big brother we didn’t know we needed. Thank you for all your great insight!

[@aliialhsn]

100%

[@dolo_minolo1812]

This guy never misses. Thank you Dr. Orion for another life-changing video.

[@claytonljenkins]

Beautifully said. I’m working towards my licensure as a mental health counselor and I hope to be half as good a mentor as you’ve been thank you for all you do.

[@fahimmahmud7310]

I swear these days I be excited for Orion to drop. I was just now thinking "I wonder if Orion has dropped something", and then I come and find that he posted less than an hour ago. Keep up the content, please ❤

[@julianfrazier2884]

This one was a banger.

[@limitlessmimosa7963]

This is life changing video. you don't know how many lives you have changed Dr. Taraban

[@basicbrothermail]

As a one who went spiritually (grateful, honestly, because I would have been destroyed has I reversed the order of my focus), I now need to face my fears and cowardice to attain success 'in the world,' so I completely agree with this!

[@erikn54]

This is absolutely right. My life feels empty when everything is to easy. Then I tend to do something hard like try to climb a peak or setting up a difficult goal.

[@BigBunnyLove]

Excellent and very true. Subscribed and passed on. You are hitting your stride now. Counter programming all the worldly man content out there. Nice balance.

[@JaySmith-pv2mw]

You are literally changing how I view the world now. I'm 58 and it takes A LOT to get me to change my mind on things but I have had numerous "paradigm shifts" (I hate the term because it's a corporate buzzword but it is appropriate) as a result of your videos.

[@lanceroparaca1413]

Think it more as an academical term (sociology and anthropology)

[@GoldenDeerProductions]

I like this one Big O. You're on a roll brody

[@ZenBen_the_Elder]

I'm fascinated by the emergence of Dr. Taraban as a secular spiritual teacher. Knowing him only from his KZbin channel, I considered him my red-pilled online therapist. I'm fully supportive of this new premise. There is a need for credible male role models who know how to keep score in the sexual marketplace honestly and aspire for a heroic role in this new world in the 21st century. Good work. God bless you for taking this on.

[@abdellahrh8164]

Being here in the early days and witnessing Dr. Orion’s potential, I am very happy to see how much his channel has grown. However, this is just the beginning of the school we all needed. much love from Morocco.

[@siyasamente9590]

"What is it good for?!" absolutely something in this context

[@shambhavikumar5920]

I am a woman , so combined with your previous video , I endorse that apart from the public and private personas we have worldy and spiritual sides as well. Pure brilliance Dr. Orion. We are 4 people. 🌸🙏

[@edheldude]

If you want to split yourself that way, it's true. If you align and integrate yourself, you can lead an authentic life where there is just your Self.

[@toddubois3315]

I've been slowly trying to influence Dr T to realize that all of the applies to women and men equally and stop being gender-specific.... That's a significant area of spiritual growth for Dr T that I am unsure if he will be able to climb.

[@edheldude]

@@toddubois3315 Why do you have such an agenda?

[@toddubois3315]

@@edheldude the truth will set you free and BTW it saves a lot of time. And your comment about integration suggests you may understand what I'm suggesting.

[@edheldude]

@toddubois3315 Why do you have this agenda? If you think your ideology is true, Orion will find it and there's no need for external influence. OTOH if you know it's false, you'd want to influence people.

[@IfSemper]

"Faithfulness to principle is only proved by faithfulness in detail."

[@themissingpagespodcast]

This maps out my life well. I lived in Amazon jungles during lockdowns on my quest to connect with my higher self and attain knowledge of my ancestry. After my sacred pilgrimage, I have a more defined life path. I decided to put my head down and work on crafts and skills.

[@francischic7854]

I just want to say thanks for all of your videos. They really do feel like they are mentoring in a way personally and professionally. I can trll that this come from your experience in the field and am glad that you are able to share all that you have learned. I promise those of us in the next generation willing to listen will understand your warnings with great caution.

[@sushirollerboarder]

This guy is a gem, this has been one of the best videos I've seen in a long time.. Thanks Orion! Blessings from Costa Rica

[@jm78593]

You see through your natural self when your eyes are open. You see through your spiritual self when your eyes are closed.

[@hideyasuyuki1]

Great episode! People who come from poverty are always told to embrace difficulties and strive. The part that is missing is that your function life should get easier with time. Social mobility for example is the way to make day-to-day processes easier.

[@edheldude]

Life becomes easier if you choose security and comfort as your goals. If ypu choose challenges, there's just bigger challenges after the completed ones.

[@hideyasuyuki1]

@ exactly! It took me so long to learn this. It wasn’t until I got into different classes I finally understood.

[@everlastingvoice808]

​@@hideyasuyuki1Thanks for sharing you've let me refocus my energy

[@AlexA-rc6yk]

I think it's possible to do both at once. My personal example: In my company, I've held many titles, but what I really do is fix things. One or more people have failed to do a thing. They bring me in, and get this part of the system from "dumpster fire" to best part of the system (it was very hard, now it's easier than any other part.). Then... I find the next dumpster fire, and bring it under control. I work at a big enough company that I'm "blessed" with lots of difficult problems.

[@mihaildobrev9610]

i have had interest in the Stoic philosophy for a while, listening to videos and red an amazing introductory book about it called "Lessons in stoicism", but it has been a while since my first interest. After listening to what you said in you episode "Limitations make you better: figure out your batman rules" a few days ago, i have finally decided to study the Stoic philosophy. I bought "Meditations (currently reading) from Marcus Aurelius", "Seneca's letters from a stoic", and "Enchiridion, Fragments and Discourses from Epectetus". So far, I really love the stoics, great people, and it hits me right in the "heart"! So thank you for giving me a torch to walk in the long dark and lone tunnel of becoming a Man. Keep helping Men, it is working!! Thank you.

[@Mereologist]

The stoics are largely misunderstood these days as simply people who endured suffering, but really they were people who worked on setting their expectations properly and embraced challenges when they arose. Lots of value there and I personally hand out Epictetus' collected writings to anyone who I can get to take it.

[@ButterflyDream79]

Orion, you’ve hit the nail on the head for both men and women! My personal dilemma constantly! I think this applies to both genders. Thank you for the delightful and succinct observation. Beautifully expressed and certainly in my dating experiences it shows where a man’s at for me and whether he’s integrated well. The material man wants an easy woman who doesn’t create much fuss and is far superficial while the spiritual man doesn’t and isn’t able to provide security to progress a relationship well. In my own personal life struggles the dichotomy is exactly as you described! So, an inner jihad so to speak.. :) Thank you for the validation for me, a woman. So no distinction really. My heart appreciates what you observe, dissect and share! ❤🎉

[@txmie]

Currently listening to the Value of Others and it’s pretty good. Keep up the good content

[@akronakron4352]

Solid topic, this information is good even for those who knew this on some level, you filled all the gaps and clarified the differences well enough! Thank you!

[@johide6595]

This reminds me of the life-stages defined in Hinduism, which encompass not just spiritual growth, but also look for 'success' in the practicalities of life - family, business, social standing.

[@thinman8621]

Good model for thinking through the elements of one's life. Worldly man was dominant in young years and had some success. Spiritual man is increasingly important as time passes and well-being of family and friends matters more than it once did.

[@_iglv]

This absolutely resonates with my own experience and my own realisations as of lately, which have a tremendous impact on my personal growth journey. This is just another synchronicity. Excited to get my hands on a copy of your book some day. Cheers m8. Keep it up! Much love from Halle/Saale, Germany.

[@grinningchicken]

I’m halfway through and my mind is already blown 🤯

[@KyleCalling]

Beautifully put. Goodjob.

[@tamasgyorffy1]

It fits with my experience, at 52. ...and "repetition is the mother of knowkedge" as the Hungarian saying goes. My observation is that young men can develop the second "spiritual" side very well with sports. There the opponent being mostly and mainly yourself, the difficulty, therefore your space for development is just infinite. In the "World" too, after a while, you can understand that the "opponent", the adversary will always be ... yourself, ultimately. That helps to find who is responsible for what happens and what does not happen. Reassuring, right? Cos solutions will, can also emerge somehow from within yourself, your acceptance, understanding of the World (and its rules), and then you can act, do to create, to overcome. Find your limits, or limitation, accept them than work, change what is humanely possible to. A man's World. Success in enjoyable. Only failure makes you grow.

[@kstock00]

Thanks! Keep up the excellence!

[@BobfromAustin]

In my 50s is when my worldly and spiritual selves came together, years after giving up writing and becoming an accountant. Then started a business and my spirituality distinguished me and created opportunities to positively affect people and situations.

[@suyashmisra7406]

Merry Christmas and a happy new year to the good doctor. Really appreciate the effort you have put into this channel and the quality of the information in the videos. Wish you good health and fortune for many decades to come.

[@inspiredwon2670]

Beautifully said, Orion.

[@mikeymaven]

I wish understood this 10 years ago. I'm sharing this with all my friends the ones that are ready will know how to move forward.

[@vdl3984]

From the point of view from man that is more inclined to the spiritual side, it's true that when people talk about "high value men" it makes my skin crawl. It's all materialistic and superficial, yet they see value there.

[@elinope4745]

I got your book, recommended it to my friends and gave my copy to a guy I met after I read it. Don't worry, it was the kind of guy who was never going to buy a book for himself. He's also the type of guy who would brag about reading a book, I figure he's free publicity for you. I wish I had something like that to read when I was younger and it was more relevant. Not to say that it isn't relevant at my age, just that I am jaded and don't like carrying passengers around much anymore.

[@BoostedPastime]

This is absolutely true and I'm very glad that you have covered this

[@Mia12-21]

Bringing together the spirit self with the worldly self in a harmonious co-existence is the recipe for a fulfilled life, not only for men.

[@beaucannington6448]

Excellent - couldn't agree more. You have to be both to achieve your full potential.

[@cleophamuriuki]

Such a good episode Orion.

[@sidn515]

One of the most usable episodes on this channel!

[@GreyRockSkool]

Very interesting and thought provoking content. Jung talks of exploring and integrating our dark sides, defined as any part hidden or repressed, as the path to enlightenment. Maintaining a positive balance between the spiritual and the physical is oh so tricky!

[@steveos5112]

This one was a true gift. Thank you Dr. Orion !

[@NajamAldenAbdulrazak-fu9fm]

you are my mentor

[@lloydsimoesable]

I felt something touched you deep inside at 6:35, something profound and personal to you in a way. If it was, it's beautiful, and real.

[@ArmanMosents]

Wow, this was truly deep and meaningful!

[@siyasamente9590]

Work hard & enjoy life seems like the most practical way to sum up the process of stimulating both aspects of the self.

[@Travelbythought]

Work hard and work on your spiritual development. Otherwise you will lack the wisdom to use your resources in the most helpful way. You may be generous to the wrong people, even to their detriment. Enjoyment is a biproduct, not a goal. "The spiritual man wants things to be hard".

[@vananon51]

Ancient Asian saying: “each man wears 3 masks 🎭: the One he shows to the world, the one he shows to his loved ones, and the one only he himself knows and sees.”

[@TTGTanner]

Not really the point here since a man could live completely worldy or spiritually in all three of those contexts.

[@sourapril]

It's not just men, your theory of two men apply to women too. Good episode.

[@alainmichigan9916]

I think the two energies are within me and become useful depending on the situation I am in. When things get harder and I have no answer to improve the situation I automatically, at least that is how it feels to me, switch to a more spiritual attitude like I have no answer right now or I take a deep breath and let the right energy or attitude take over ... and it works. I usually get the answer i need and not always the answer I wanted. These two energies need to be cherished and accepted as tools to move forward. It is all good ...

[@tre1021]

This was the most insightful, eye-opener I've ever heard. Thank you Dr. Taraban! 💯

[@krishism]

Refreshing perspective. Great episode. Resonates real deeply with my soul because I’ve been dancing between these two characters in my own life. You’ve provided an incredible way to realise and articulate the Dau. I want to say dichotomy but that’s not wholly true. It’s the two natural faces of a peak. The leeward and windward side of masculine development.

[@simonebenitozzi2892]

So are you saying that my pronouns are they/them?

[@blairdurward4324]

No, still he/him, just point to one half then the other lol

[@enochdavidsen5165]

😂😂

[@Arem_G]

Bruh LOL

[@chrisgoeswest9882]

He is saying we are all binary :)

[@Doberman_6773]

@@chrisgoeswest9882 In that case, wouldn't we all be 10 men?

[@Howei1337]

This is like a present, thank you for making this.

[@tothemoon8465]

This one was very good! Have felt this for a long time, but never quite been able to fit the two together. Thank you! 🙏🏻

[@Bkamron]

According to my dad - "this is Bible." Dude, where do u get all these gems of wisdom?

[@tommywei4165]

one of the best pieces of advice i've heard, ever

[@IrukaHime-zq5bh]

I murdered my spiritual side long ago. I don't enjoy sustained success, which I see as a good thing because that motivates me to pursue greater success

[@3ric3mmanu3l]

One of the most beautiful videos I've listened to

[@_FightForYourFreedom_]

Wow this is some truly next level wisdom Dr Taraban! You continue to amaze me with new ideas that I never heard before, even after reading your book and watching you for quite a while. Thank you for your amazing insight and work!

[@Randhirsingh-qw5mq]

This video made me subscribe 👍🏻

[@paradigmshapeshifter]

This would be a fun conversation. You have to learn to view things dualistically and non dualistically. Like the Two Truths of Buddhism.

[@limitlessmimosa7963]

Very important video. worthy a part of the series of how to be a man.

[@masterphillips]

When you said spending a dollar is in the worldly realm, I thought you were going to say saving/investing a dollar is in the spiritual realm. I find it is "hard" to squirrel a dollar away while it is "easy" to spend it, and I assume this is the case for most people. Saving requires discipline, while investing additionally requires discernment and prudence. Just something that clicked for this finance nerd while watching. Great video, Doc!

[@eastafricannomad]

I would say giving to charity rather than investing would be the equivalent

[@brandongardner1290]

Man, this was a great video. Very insightful.

[@Blake-f1b2v]

This is a wonderful episode. Thanks.

[@chrisharris6462]

Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awake. CGJ

[@Arrionflows]

Wonderful, one of your best. Many thanks

[@nezra3514]

What an amazing teaching!

[@zetristan4525]

One of the wisest, most articulate videos ever. How long ago did this become crystal clear to you, Orion?

[@jtreut]

Brilliant with universal application: spiritual/worldly, subjective/objective, style/substance, feminine/masculine, art/science. The ideal embraces and values both.

[@SurpriseJnr]

Wow! Every man must watch this!🔥

[@MCharlerySmith]

Sone great points here but it ultimately runs counter to the Biblical/Christ-centred teaching that your spirit should rule your flesh since a man "cannot serve two masters". People who live for the worldly man are often very tuned out of the spiritual side so although they can periodically demonstrate benevolent qualities it's usually because they believe doing so will advance them materially in some way. This is because a materialistically-minded person usually views everything through the lens of transaction, including the gifts of God. "Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and everything will be added to you" - Jesus

[@BrandonReeves-z5z]

Very well put

[@runningwarrior5468]

yes

[@runningwarrior5468]

Amen. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"

[@mystykalmn4434]

Warriors are made in wars, don't pray for easy life, pray for the strength to conquer anything that life throws at you.

[@racecrushers1590]

This is great. I never thought of it this way.

[@RonaldsJekabsons]

Orion, you are truly a genius. (But do not let this get to your head.)

[@gabbyngu7956]

Bravo 👏 👏 👏. Merry Christmas Dr. Orion

[@stean90]

Thank you very much! I am just making a presentation about this at the moment, it comes at perfect timing. : )

[@bighoss9705]

That explains a lot Doctor. Thank you for the insight. Very good food for thought. Let the inter conflicts begin!

[@caydeboss]

Thank you for your videos! I’m new to this channel and have learned so much within a week of watching.

[@sooperdt]

There is a third Man, without him I can do nothing.

[@hubertbahati9977]

@@sooperdt Jesus Christ, thy lord and savior?

[@hubertbahati9977]

Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior

[@barcode74352]

🌄✝️🌅

[@IfSemper]

Amen. "The 4th Man in the fire."

[@Vindexter]

i market by business (the wordly side of me) on the basis of my values (my spiritual side - getting things done treasting people well and carrying through) - to be effective the sides need to merge - you also have to let some things go over your head rather than up your nose - and when dealing with conflict deal with it in stages to enable the best solution to present itself - it is more important to keep going rather than get caught up solving everything all at once.