Psychedelics and Neurodivergence

[@TimmyM82]

You’re genuine. Thank you for being you!

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

☺️

[@LonePigsyAndCub]

Cheer up, KE. You're doing a good job communicating your ideas and feelings. Some people do make very scripted videos, but I feel winging it is more honest. Don't forget most of the greatest musicians were improvisers! Keep, em coming. We appreciate you!

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Thank you so very much, I’m glad you think so and it’s wonderful to know I’m appreciated. 😊

[@jorthvanschaarenburg7386]

Im autistic myself too, and I consider myself a psychonaut as well. Started with research online as well.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Glad you’re here :)

[@jorthvanschaarenburg7386]

​@@kaleidoscope3eyes I had my 1st DMT trip a week ago, stil no breakthrough yet but its way different than 5-MeO-DMT speaking from my experience. I also tried: Psilocybin, Salvia, 2cb, LSD, Methallyescaline, 4-HO-MET, 5-MeO-MiPT, MDMA, 6-APB, DMXE and N2O. Had a good experience with all of them. When I took 2-cb and 6-ABP together I was finally able to do enough self-reflection to stop using cannabis daily. I also still have DiPT laying around because of its unique effects on auditory processing I havent tried it yet, the same goes for muscimol. I bought some muscimol lollypops as well. Muscimol is the active ingredient in Amanita Muscaria, it has a long history of usage across the northern hemisphere. With that said, if anyone is reading this its always important to do your own research and apply harm reduction practices!

[@Wolf_KPG]

Thank you for sharing so authentically. Regarding your question about whether you should or shouldn't talk about your neurodivergence and whether it's necessary, it's absolutely brilliant that you do! I can relate to your experience, and witnessing you sharing so deeply about it makes me feel less isolated in a world filled with neurotypical people. We all have a deep desire to be understood. Knowing that there are others like us out there helps a lot. There's no greater gift we can give to the world than our fully authentic selves! I never assumed you were autistic, and I don't think knowing it now changes how I feel about your content. If anything, I can relate more to it, which helps me reflect on my neurodivergent patterns. I also believe psychedelics help me with my neurodivergence. Specifically, they help me to understand myself better and thus find self-acceptance. When you say you believe psychedelics made you more neurodivergent, what comes up to me is, maybe they made you be more yourself. We neurodivergent people often pretend to fit it, in order to feel better about ourselves. But from what I understand this often doesn't work so well and makes us feel exhausted, leading to an increased sense of separation from neurotypical people. That's why I work actively to being my full authentic self, as much as possible. My internal experience plays a very big role in my life, much more than my external experience. I've never thought about it before, but I can see how this makes me drawn to the psychedelic experience. You expressed yourself perfectly - just the way you are, in that very moment. Thank you for this 🙏 I hope you can see that even in your uniqueness, you share certain aspects of your experience with others. And with your videos, you're attracting just the right kind of people - people who understand.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Good to hear from you, I always appreciate your comments they are so very thoughtful. Yes that’s exactly what I was meaning, I actually thought about it later, they make me more comfortable with being my natural self. I love embracing my neurodivergence, I find so much value in it, obviously autism is just one aspect and doesn’t define the wholeness of me as a person, I know you know that of course, but it’s good to know most people understand and appreciate me talking so openly about it. I feel very encouraged, thank you! 😊

[@SifuVoid]

This video is NOT useless. You’re great, honest and kind. We need more peope like you 🙏🏻❤️

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Thank you so much! ☺️❤️

[@clarkbowler157]

Being autistic myself, I can fairly confidently recognize other autistic people, even if they don't really carry the label themselves. There is a certain familiarity. I think the realization about myself came while using weed, however in my case it did take multiple years of sobriety for it to settle in. P.s. I think KZbin is an interesting way of seeking community. (I've also tried it on other channels). And about "going off rails". I sometimes think that my mind is like an always running motor and it's up to me what to feed into it. If I manage to feed it constant stuff, I develop stuff, however sometimes I just need to go into a different direction and I can't really change that. All I can do is try and find ways to utilize my own chaos. (AuDHD). Thanks.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

I can recognize it in others as well, and thanks for sharing, that’s interesting to know. :)

[@clarkbowler157]

​@@kaleidoscope3eyes (Just wrote a second part of the comment after watching the rest, in case you want to read it). Thank you. Best of luck ✌🏿

[@josikinz]

great video, i think being neurodivergent led me to use psychedelics but didn't necessarily make me realise that i am neurodivergent. That came from therapy, sober introspection, and talking with a neuropsychologist that scanned my brain. I seem to have clinically significant autism, tourettes syndrome, depersonalization, and ADHD, with mild OCD.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Thank you! Wow I’m kinda in awe seeing you here, thanks for sharing that’s interesting to know :)

[@alkeryn1700]

same. it's part of the reason why i got into psychedelics in the first place. you are not alone, shit's weird no one sees or experience the world like i do but that's fine. i do feel alone in some sense sometime for sure, but i've also met some pretty cool people. i can relate with your angst though, i'm quite busy this month but feel free to chat whenever you feel the need to. anyway, i've made my peace with the fact that probably no one will ever actually understand me, but i'm fine with it, because there are other things that matter in life. my biggest struggle is wanting to share and exchange so much and not having a lot of people i can share things with intellectually speaking / that are open. even my gf, god knows i love her but i can't have much of an intellectual connection with her, though i've made peace with the fact that it's not a realistic thing to expect from a partner, for me at least. my closest friend, one of the only people i've ever felt like i could actually connect on an intellectual level with has clinical depression and sometime can't be reached for months at a time. i'm glad i've got to meet someone i could exchange so much things with and talk for a whole day without running out of subject, but at the same time i miss him a lot.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

It’s so nice to know you relate! I can relate to what you’ve shared as well. Thank you for sharing and it’s good to know you’re there to chat, I appreciate you! :)

[@alkeryn1700]

@@kaleidoscope3eyes likewise ! :) i just sent you a follow up email.

[@dalebeaudet3201]

I think the more intelligent a person is the more they question their own consciousness. I lived a relatively normal life until age 56 when I encountered stressful situations at work. Ended up precipitating a severe clinical depression. This is only to say that I understand a neuro-divergent mental state. Your video is worth more than you are aware. I’m sure that your authentic description of your autism will be appreciated by anyone with challenges in that we are not alone. If only we were consciously telepathic. Sending good thoughts your way! (A 75 year old)

[@solgast]

It all sounds natural to me what you are going through and have experienced. It is structuring your inner chaos one step at the time. The inner father part and mother part understanding one another and merging and reemerging into you once more. As you mentioned earlier. It can even be ancestors knocking on your inner cell membranes and asking if they can come join you for a Swedish Fika or Smörgåsbord. The cycles and loops are there. One can feel as if one comes back to square one again, but you ultimately come back with a higher consciousness and awareness than before. You have expressed, melted, fragmented and puzzling yourself back together and you pick whatever those pieces are. The becoming from unconsciousness to consciousness. From shadows to light. If you feel lonely or lost, it only means you have created so much space within you now that you are now ready to grow in whatever direction you so desire. You go pick what furniture you want in your house. Your inner environment will reflect the outer and vice versa. Looking forward for more amazing adventures, analyzing and discoveries. Continue to do what makes you happy in life.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Wow thank you so much! This is a truly thoughtful and beautiful comment, I agree very much with what you are saying. 🤍 I will be continuing the process, and this whole adventure. I’m glad you’re here.

[@doozerchuck8625]

I thought this was one of your better videos. I appreciate the realness and can relate to your content. Thank you for sharing

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Wow thanks, it’s good to hear you can relate, I’m glad I can share.

[@MsDeathGuy]

I like watching this videos.Sometimes not necesserely for the topic but I like to watch where your thoughts take you.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Nice, I’m glad you can enjoy my thoughts. :)

[@flashmemories]

you are doing great! im definitely feeling what you are trying to tell and came to realize that we are very much alike. ticking the same boxes as you do. asd, psychonaut, associative thinker, very analytical and having similar thoughts and interests. i really like these videos where you just let your mind wander without setting a specific end point or try to force yourself to come up with a conclusion. take care

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Thanks, I’m glad you can feel that and it’s good to hear you like these types of videos, where I just let my mind do its thing, I like them too. :)

[@snowyangel6248]

i have to say i find it incredibly fascinating that when you've tripped heavily that you've been able to recognize the neurodivergent side of your brain (when i was getting out of a psychosis state in a sense and doing my own healing work, i noticed a perspective shift when taking mushrooms, seeing how anything that could have scared me before started falling away and seeing various stars and patterns start rising even more rapidly right before my eyes, i remember during the peak of going through this revelation id call it in my brain i heard a voice say to me "its okay, you're going where you need to be, you're doing great, doing great.. as the voice fizzled out into nonsensical sounds.) i also applaud you for talking about this and how psychedelics and autism can work together and give you the most evolving aspects of an experience and the beauty within the psychedelic experience but also being able to stay grounded and not go to the schizophrenic side at the same time, my brother has schizophrenia and could never do psychedelics again unfortunately. i find it phenomenal you can use them as a healing tool and creative inspiration for you and who you truly are! psychedelics have only brought you closer to the connectedness you may have struggled with in the past as well as social situations. never question putting up videos like this, i was crying with you at the end and wanted to reach over and hug you through the screen 🥰💖 you are doing amazing in my eyes and are really smart to be able to discuss a topic like this! ive always been into the human psyche and psychedelics only enhanced this for me! i also could tell you were mathematically smart as you definitely have shown logical/mathematical thinking from your vids as well, i love that! never stop believing in yourself and i truly hope you continue to post these videos as they have brightened up my weekend and have helped me keep climbing the upward spiral, realizing im not alone as a psychonaut and being able to talk about psychedelics and so much involving them in further detail is incredible in its own, theres a whole community out there and more that loves you! 💓

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

@@snowyangel6248 thank you so much for this comment too! It’s all so encouraging to hear and I appreciate you so much! 🥰

[@snowyangel6248]

@@kaleidoscope3eyes I appreciate you so so much 🥰💫✌️💖 thank you again for sharing this!

[@joelwatkins4377]

I think you’re very good at expressing yourself to be honest. I know it’s overwhelming, but I can relate in some ways. The World is messed up, but it’s not. It’s been intentionally messed up, but not everyone is. Sometimes we think we are, but are not…and clearly there are those who don’t think they are, but seriously are. We can’t control everything, but we can do our best to control ourselves. You’re super smart and very beautiful and I wish the best for you. I enjoy your content. Just a random old guy…

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

I’m glad to hear you think so, and yes that’s all very true and thank you ☺️

[@joelwatkins4377]

You’re very welcome. Hey I was wondering if you created any of the art that is on the wall behind you, or do you create any trippy artwork? Just curious….you may not see this.

[@GS42SCHOPAWE]

I related so much to this video I struggled with depression anxiety and overthinking, I’m super fascinated by psychedelics, I think I do have an ability to introspect often, and I also am looking g to express something I feel deep down but still haven’t found it, still looking g, and I don’t feel complete until I have it, also the feeling of not being able to truly connect with others on a deeper level really resonates. Ernest Becker said this: “One of the tragedies of life, as we noted in Chapter Four, was that we never really can penetrate to the insides of another person, know exactly what he is thinking and feeling. If we cannot do this with even our closest loved ones, how could we hope to see the world of an Eskimo or a Melanesian from the “inside”? Yet, there is what anthropologists have long recognized as “the psychic unity of mankind”.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Thank you for sharing! I really appreciate the quote at the end it reminds me of a quote I know myself to describe that same thing…it’s from doors of perception and it’s about being an island universe…then again yes it’s all connected, “you were never an island”…🤍

[@avemeends]

I appreciate hearing your perspective. For me the purpose was to learn more about autism and how I can make my autistic life easier/better.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

I’m glad you appreciate it and found a purpose in the video. :)

[@curtcsmith]

Yeah as soon as I saw your first video I knew you were on the spectrum. Game recognizes game. Keep making videos, love em! :)

[@Jake___00008]

Thank you for sharing this. I relate heavy, especially with putting up a wall and having to manually tear it down. Tearing it down is terrifying to me. Sharing a video like this was a very brave thing to do. There doesn't have to be a conclusion or a main point to it. You made me feel understood, that is enough. Thank you.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Wow thanks you are so welcome, it’s good to hear how much you relate and that it made you feel understood, that was the point. :)

[@alanwatts5984]

I didn’t know but it doesn’t change a thing Love your content Thank you for being you

[@fixeswithlight]

The truth is that when smile, the beauty of your soul light pierces out through your physical being into the world around you. The truth is this a powerful healing energy which benifits some but for causes emotional pain and discomfort but the truth is that your soul is looking after you and always has. Another truth is that I have seen a couple of your videos and frankly for me happy or sad, words no words, sick, autistic, intelligent, stupid. You make me feel happy and the truth is it feels like in these moments I do the same for you ❤

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Wow thank you truly! I’m glad I can make you feel happy, it’s true 😊 you have done the same.

[@danielcohen6853]

I've tripped 100s of times, there's definitely a link.

[@zoicaras2992]

and yeah, i'm now up to a certain point in the video. i feel you, i empathise with your tears, that entire mood. i get it, you're not alone girl. it's hard, it's the little things that make it so. but trust, the universe has your back. wanting to connect, you're speaking really deeply. it's an everyday struggle, but you're in good company. you are SO understood, trust me. i wish there was a way we could all like astral travel and have a meetup in the sky lmao. but seriously, you are not alone, you are loved. you are understood. your struggles are not in vain. sending hugs

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

🤍🤍🤍 I don’t even know what to say, wow thank you really it feels so good to hear this and I just love that you could feel understood through the video, I can’t fully express myself but I just relate so much and I appreciate you for being here. Also I absolutely wish too there was a way to astral travel and all meet up on a higher plane lol, anyway thanks again 😊

[@deiv319x]

I'm neurodivergent and I can relate to pretty much everything you described. The emotional, the intelligence, the "from the outside I was a calm, academically good kid" and the way psychedelic sometimes put things in order aspects in particular. Thanks for sharing, this made me feel understood ♥

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

It’s so nice to hear how much you can relate, I’m glad I could share something that made you feel understood :)🤍

[@StephenPhantom]

Wow really powerful video, it obviously comes from the heart, just don't push yourself too hard, your a gorgeous vibrant person. You express yourself well on hard personal topics, and it breaks my heart and lifts me up at the same time !!! its confusing but there it is !!!

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

❤️ wow thank you it’s nice to hear, as confusing as it all might be. I’m glad you’re here :)

[@FrancescoD918]

so much love from italy! you're a very wonderful person

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

☺️❤️thank you

[@jeremyanderson7303]

Literally had no idea, and honestly doesn't make me think anything different in any way at all. Like a non thought honestly. Keep doing you. Hope whatever weight was weighing on you has been lifted

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

🤍 :) thank you

[@gasketguyal]

The part about the wall.. I feel that

[@dianadelk6789]

Hi, I love that outfit. Those comfy pants are awesome!

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

@@dianadelk6789 Hi thanks 😊

[@siesiehaycraft4699]

I mostly likely also autistic, a lot of what you said really hit home

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

I’m glad you can relate!

[@siesiehaycraft4699]

@@kaleidoscope3eyes psychedelics (particularly mushies) have helped with a lot. Think psychedelics have a particular allure to minds that work a little differently

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

@@siesiehaycraft4699 that’s good they helped you and I definitely agree.

[@sascha6841]

Not a surprise at all (i can relate) and I think that the psychedelic experience is quite unique for autistic people. Psychedelics have helped me immensely in finding some authenticity and acceptance.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

That’s so awesome to hear, I’m glad psychedelics helped you with that, and glad you can relate. :)

[@lamondferry217]

Out of the topic but you look so beautiful that I couldnt look away from you till the end of the video

[@deveaudonald]

You don't even know me but I feel that there's no wall between us. We're almost like twins. I've always been an outsider, one who resonates with the psychedelic experience as well. I don't know if I'm autistic but I'm definitely not neurotypical. I don't think anyone has ever really understood me. You said you can't even make a video but you DID make a video. A good one. One in which you connected with us. It was honest and real and we appreciate it. We like you just the way you are!

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

😊 hey that really made me smile to read, I’m glad you commented thanks for watching the video that I did indeed make, I’m happy you connected with it!

[@A_Me_Amy]

i just want to hear. i dont even know if i care what happens anymore... just go with the flow in the most soulless way you could ever imagine.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

🤍

[@meditatewithmike4105]

Love you!!!, thanks for sharing! I love your honesty and vulnerability. You have such a beautiful soul. I wish I could connect with you as well. It means a lot what you are doing. I mean it. Such courage! Yesssss

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Thank you so much! 💜😊

[@WelcomeToAnarchy101]

Hang in there girl, you got this!! You’re doing great stuff for us out here. Mush love❤

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Thank you so so much! ❤️

[@maratical]

I'm very grateful that you made this video. Just amazing openness and soul-baring, self-searching honesty. But, like, you're just being you...and the thing happens. Real human connection. So many points of relatedness...and I know this took some courage. I just wanted to let you know that, for me, anyway, your message - which is you - landed and hit home. At the risk of sounding...whatever...I'm just going to leave it at that. Yes, I know whereof you speak. I'm just scared that if I share my terribly vulnerable inner essence with others - which I deeply want to - I'll somehow catch hell for doing it. Toxic shame, I suppose. And yet...for this very reason, it feels like maybe it would be a really awesome thing to find a way to do so while I still can. As you have done. Thank you! ☺️

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

You’re welcome, I’m so grateful for your comment, I love that you can relate and that you get the message, thanks for being here! ☺️

[@ninjabanana130]

this was awesome, i like when reality feels real, to me meaning is open ended but we live in a close down version of what meaning really is. its easier to define reality when we close it down via ''small mouth noise'' but the map is not the territory. ''are you experienced" as Jimi puts it but an experience is an experience, no matter how much we try to define those experiences its still not really gonna do it, cuz ultimately its not about the experience its about us, its about ourself. a lot of your channel is about psychedelic n defining the experience but ultimately its about you n sharing yourself. like how when i started to play the guitar at some point ive realized that its not about playing the guitar with my finger its about playing music with my heart, cliché but then eventually ive realized that its not even about playing music, it was just me trying to express myself... ''find the others'' Mckenna use to say (paraphrasing Leary) n yeah, i am here cuz you are part of the "other", there is no point in this if you are trying to make youtube video, its not about the video or the content within the video, its about you n not a well defined curated version of you but just the experience you are having of yourself whatever that might be, raw n uncut, open ended i love that if psychedelics can dissolve boundaries then yeah, that "wall" or ''4th wall'', well you broke it, or i did by posting this comment. And for some reason i feel like saying : Welcome Home !

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Amazing, thank you, everything in this comment is beautifully said, I can’t fully express how much I resonate with it, I appreciate you, thanks for being here.

[@curtcsmith]

Keep your head up, life is a struggle... esp when you're on the spectrum. We have INTENSE emotions. Much Love!

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

I will, thank you 😊 🤍

[@dondankleberg4965]

i feel like in order to understand someone (who doesnt exist, so its about their inspirations and person incarnated/manifested or the thoughts they believe?) you have to love them on a different note i can relate to you with the observation of neurodiversive trailing like for me ive been approaching it like lessons that take months or weeks or longer even that are learned and become like part of my person through aware experience or smth languge 😂❤

[@EmOrganically]

17:18.... For the record, wiping tears from my eyes, as not only one neurodivergent creator to another, also as a soul living in this freaking weird human existence, this video has a purpose. I hear you. It needed to be said. The Universe as a soul has a great plan that we as humans in a human mind (often) can make sense of. You're here to be heard, you're here to be seen. I am here, and grateful to have heard, seen and received you. Genuinely you're welcome to reach out. PS, you are NOT alone

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Wow thank you, I truly appreciate you, it’s so good to know you can understand! I am feeling more grounded. 🤍

[@addfuture]

Slowly starting my journey & I've definitely noticed I'm more aware (present?) in regards to my OCD, and at the same time being more accepting of showing that part of me to people I trust. Think its pretty safe to say most of us here love that you share your thoughts like this so unfiltered and raw, and most of us with neurodivergent brains think the same way (at least from my experience)😄so just starting a conversation by posting a video about these topics (which don't get discussed enough imo) is a good thing! I'm happy you posted this. My partners and friends are also pretty neuro-spicy and it's been very refreshing to talk to them a lot about things I thought were all in my head; random thoughts and the way we plan events, even formulate sentences or speak as neurodivergent people, talking about this has all been really helpful. It's great therapy to discuss these things and I bet even better if you're all on psychedelics lol. I wonder if humans will catch on to this way of taking drugs together and talking 😂

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Love it, thank you for your comment 😊 it’s so good to hear all of this. Talking about it is very helpful, I also really enjoy getting to have conversations with other “neuro-spicy” 😂people.

[@LyransDenofLight]

I've been in that room before 😭 In my dreams I remember you ! You will think I'm some crazy black man

[@EmOrganically]

Hey. it is 8:03 in as I'm watching this, and I felt CALLED to join in and say yes, yes yes! this is ME and I do 100% relate to what you are saying. Emphatically. I also "looked" to the outside world "perfectly normal" or... y'know, masking up the wazoo. lol.

[@nicolasvergara6003]

Psychedelics def have a huge impact with ADS, a lot of ADS symptoms come with suppression for social adaptation, and psychedelics helps becoming aware and embracing one's true self, so psychedelics could not be as deep for people who don't have much difficulty being themselves as it is for a lot of people with ADS. Having a deeper shadow integration sort of speak.

[@damiensmith8641]

I can relate to a lot of the things you talked about in this vid, i am a 40 year old man on the spectrum and i have only in recent years realised why i was the odd one out in my childhood and why i struggled all my life to socialise and all of the other things that come with it. I dont believe in labels because in reality what is normal, we all have our quirks. I enjoyed this vid and the way you just sit and deliver your thoughts in these vids, kinda freestyling it i guess. Man i wish i had a friend like you to have random chats with about anything, everyone i know is just caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. The first time i did dmt i realised i used to have similar experiences as a child, in my dreams. It was so familiar and gave me flashbacks of my childhood in the middle of the night. I was wondering did you ever experience stuff like this as a child being autistic? Anywas i enjoyed seeing you open up like this, and i hope you are ok, who cares what people think. All the best.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Hi :) thanks for sharing, it’s good to know you can relate. When I had my first acid trip it did feel very familiar, but I was never sure why, I don’t know if it’s related. I’m happy to hear you enjoyed this video and the way I shared my thoughts, I am okay too so thank you for caring and commenting, I appreciate you.

[@DetoxProxy]

Each and everyone of us have our struggles. For some it's money. For some it's love. For some it's acceptance. For some it's the wonder alone if we are suffering that much more or less than someone else might be. Life is a state of much suffering. We all know the feeling of physical pain. We all get confronted with emotional distress. The light and dark come back into play to keep us in check. Being more psychological, it's very natural to question these things and crave open discord about them with like minded peers. Purpose is what you make it. So many unfortunate people get locked into "the norm" and try to be what the system designs them to be. Can any of us be sure what our purpose in life is or should be? These understandings take time and not everyone gets to really fully gather what it is they are or were supposed to do. We're an advanced species that needs more than just sunlight, food and procreation. If you're one of the lucky ones, you start to figure out that everything you've done is all part of a sequence to get to where you are. That sequence can be altered and reconfigured how ever many times you feel like. That all of those adaptations are purposeful and without really noticing, they naturally become the walk of life.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

This is all so true. I appreciate you! 😊

[@willy_pistchio6213]

I glance at a tall wall with a trip I make it small. The simulation has a glitch so I talk to holy numbers finding the inner one. The three says you're free, the six says it's fixed, and the nine says everything will work out just fine. And I told the zero you are my hero. ☺️🍄

[@appleturdpie]

I can really relate to the building of walls and cutting yourself off to genuine connection. As well as conflicting natures, its been something I've been struggling against and trying to figure out how to navigate. There doesn't seem to be an easy answer to me, yet at least haha. Peace ☮and love ❤. Thanks for sharing.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Good to know you can relate ✌️❤️

[@michaeltesfaalem3446]

alan watts helped me

[@cactusscone]

Psyched substance is such a fun channel... People are so judgemental of that guy .... I used to have bad adhd and psychedelics helped

[@mannocheech4407]

They made me independent of social norms pissed people of but it their problem

[@donttalktome4696]

Mushrooms told me I was autistic when I was 22. Ive always felt like an alien haha

[@infinidimensionalinfinitie5021]

i'm autistish; no one with credentials diagnoses me; it's an ambiguous label for me; i resonate with most of the diagnosed; that i view/hear;

[@bobrobertsNotUrBob]

L S D and shrooms helped and woke me up, keta mine changed everything. blessings from the never never land. If you wondering about psych's and their benefits..neurogenesis is about the most important benefit---besides depression. Not all psychs are made equal, shrooms help relax he mind, L S D is a booster , I always recommend using magnesium, vitamin B and omega 3 to help balance out psych's...and Is it autism or HSP?

[@brianrupp9988]

Does your autism affect my perception of you? No. Just another color in the spectrum of human expression and personality. I resonate with your emotion. As a musician, I try to connect with the audience on an emotional level. Though you expressed concern about the video being a "mess", the emotion provided another channel of communication other than words and logic that was effective and moving.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Wonderful, thank you, I’m happy you could feel that communication! 😊

[@mannocheech4407]

You doing good their is no problem as relics resolve nurobrainplastu

[@alastairbowie]

Congratz on tha KZbin partnership or what have you...!! 🎉 🥳 🎉

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Thanks! 😊

[@michaeltesfaalem3446]

I know the feeling

[@mannocheech4407]

Best part of it is the I etrnal. All of India philosophy is based on it silence dance love nature

[@suedonym495]

On the very most authentically real, intrinsically perhaps parasocial level I genuinely feel like I feel you , I'd say even understand you a little bit more from this video in fact. precisely because you stepped away from the scripted norm of KZbin videos, and yeah even allowed that wall to fall. How much of that was a choice of yours to do so or a choice made for you paradoxically by you is not even important. You filmed this video and then uploaded it and all the other intricacies and idiosyncratic elements fell into their places. I'm sure I don't make a whole lot of sense, as is the nature of speaking prosaically as I do, but I think perhaps the message in my words conveys itself. I hope. Just don't worry about the way this video turned out because: What's more akin to the psychedelic experience than being your most raw stripped down self? (Autistic too btw and on MDMA right now so I feel like I understand you on such a level right now that language just doesn't allow a succinct description of. Again, just like attempting to define the psychedelic experience. Long comment short though, just keep uploading these videos as you have been. You'll be shocked at how well the KZbin algorithm has been at creating your audience in relation to yourself. I promise you we all get you. It is perhaps life's greatest joke played on us that the people who may understand us the most will never meet us but will be condemned to be linked across miles of road and even more miles of the data cables of the internet 😢)

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Yes, wow thank you so much, I feel you, I understand and this comment makes perfect sense to me, I’m happy you’re here, happy you watched this video and you’re right I couldn’t have even planned it out that way myself, it created itself and it’s nice to know people could really feel me through it. What exactly is a joke? it’s true in a way that is often joke like, that sometimes those who could understand us the most are separated by long distances of space and even time.

[@sunoclockoneday2576]

Just build a door. Youve probably got cool stuff inside that not everybody needs to know about, it might be over some peoples heads. We always wind up gravitating towards like minded travelers along the way and we can say "oh hey come on inside and check this shit out !"

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Amazing, yes! I will build a door. :)

[@carmello000jp]

Ur awesome

[@EmOrganically]

21:35 "Give me some TRUTH, PLEASE" Me, Oh , okay I understand why I'm here. Seriously though, if there was a number to dial, you'd reach me.. so I guess the Universe has your back here. Seriously too, let's be friends, and you can talk to me. I'm here for you. Truth, at your service, (Aka, Em) xox

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

You’re awesome! 😊

[@mannocheech4407]

Don't run from fear

[@angelbeltran1258]

You should do live streams !!!

[@mannocheech4407]

Stop panicking you did good

[@mannocheech4407]

The city miss and disconnect

[@mungojelly]

you could consider making another channel where you communicate in a completely unmasked autistic way & feel as much as you want/need to &c, i'd enjoy it a lot & also ofc it would overwhelm some people sometimes in some ways, so, making a space for it might work, if not a public space then for sure people in your life who you communicate to in a very autistic way & they affirm you would be nice, for any public person ofc there's a tension between authenticity & what most appeals to people, being autistic makes that tension stronger, but it's possible to resolve it in a way that feels right to you even if it's only the right balance of concerns, perhaps to frame it in terms of kindness to your audience's own sensory preferences, even tho it's hard to see it that way in the context of a society that's about normalizing rather than spreading comfort & inclusion

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Thanks for sharing your perspective, I really like the idea, maybe one day. I let this video diverge in ways I normally wouldn’t and that worked for this video but I don’t plan on making it any sort of permanent style, I very much like appealing to my audience, it’s balance and I like continuing to find the balance.

[@zombiemontage]

This is a video, you made it. There is no blueprint. Many feel like you

[@KingBrandonm]

I do have a serious question: That thought of autism being evolution, did you see that on the LongeCity forums at some point while exploring ideas on the internet? I made a forum post there in, like 2010 in high school about it.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

I’ve seen the idea in various places, maybe that was one of them.

[@LiminalLight]

I wish I was able to just flow with my speech like you do. I'm experimenting with rough outlines and full transcripts but I feel like if I tried just talking, it would be a total mess.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

I wish you the best with it, it wasn’t always as easy for me. :)

[@LiminalLight]

@@kaleidoscope3eyes Thank you ❤️ I have a lot of resistance but I feel like I'm working toward something meaningful. I hope to see more from you

[@LiminalLight]

@@kaleidoscope3eyes I can't post it here but I have a strawberry tattoo because of strawberry fields forever

[@JakeHendo-wm1fl]

Psyched substance is the man! Taught me a lot. Also , marry me? ❤

[@NateExtracts]

I never even suspected I was autistic until my first shroom trip after that it was blatantly obvious to me

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

I can understand that, psychedelics definitely make it more obvious.

[@NateExtracts]

@@kaleidoscope3eyesI watched the whole video and understand and identify with pretty much everything you said, also really want to hear more about the autism and schizophrenia link thing you weee talking about. I’ve never heard of that before

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

@@NateExtracts look up autizmophrenia if you get the chance, I might bring the topic back up again sometime.

[@mannocheech4407]

It's helped me with dislexyia

[@alancalkins2656]

Didn't realize I was autistic till a friend told me last year 😂

[@EmOrganically]

On a more serious note, I think you're trying to break the wall down sweetie, and I for one am open to talking about anything, societally taboo or not I'm a very open book about many things. You're always welcome to chat to me.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Yes! And thanks good to know:) I’ll know where to find you, thanks for being here!

[@randomacountboy]

As a fellow autistic person who is good at math, I feel like I clocked your autism Right Away with your earlier videos 😂 2:27 You're running a pretty free-form KZbin channel that catalogues your perception of the world. Addressing that you're autistic feels like it's part of the flow of how you are running things. You could go with or without addressing any topic at all and that would still contribute to the free-flow off-the-cuff style of your videos. I don't see any reason Not to talk about your neurodivergence -- especially given that you largely talk about your perceptions of the world in the first place; the topic feels like it fits the theme of your videos quite nicely. 3:12 To be understood can fall under the umbrella of being loved, methinks. There are also different kinds of love. Like, you can love a friend but that's a different love than loving a family member. If you've got someone who understands you, that can fall under some form of love. 4:10 I bring a sort of "All these societal rules are made up" vibe to everything that neurotypicals dont really like. 4:35 LOLLLL We were polar opposite behavior-wise growing up. I was rambunctious and louddddd. Definitely the class clown. Teachers knew SOMETHING was up with me right away because I had issues listening to authority figures. One time this friend of mine was getting hounded by the teacher and I positioned myself between her and the teacher and I told the teacher not to talk to my friend that way ever again. In 2nd grade, I told another teacher that she had the behavior I would expect out of a 5 year old because she put me in time-out. For that line, she pulled me into the principal's office and told the principal that I said that she had the behavior of an 8 year old. I corrected her in front of the principal, saying "I didn't say 8 years old. I said 5 years old! Get it right!" Got a letter sent to my parents that day ahhahaha. 5:37 You talking abt ur autism doesn't really alter my perception of you. Honestly might actually enhance (is that the right word...???) my perception or understanding of you. I can empathize. You ain't alone in this game? (Words are Hard.) 7:49 Silence is the Loudest Scream. 13:45 This part feels to me like you've been putting tremendous strain on yourself NOT to go off the rails with your topics -- that you HAVE to make a video in a very SPECIFIC way. From what I can tell from some of your other videos though, your formula seems to have been that there is no specific formula. Sure maybe there's a topic to talk about, but just because there is a topic you want to talk about doesn't mean that you... can't talk about other things or go off-topic or even diverge from the topic for a while. I feel like you're pushing yourself to polish the wooden legs of a table before you have even put the table together; like you're not letting yourself have fun with the creative process that is making these videos because you're worrying that you're breaking away from the script or something. Creativity is all about broad wreckless brush strokes and doing what is fun and feels right to do in the moment. There's time later to like, edit videos if you wanna, but while you're in adventure mode, do the adventurous stuff. No reason to nit-pick yourself while in creative headspace. 14:05 You said there's a lot of reasons you shouldn't go off the rail with your videos, and I am curious to know what reasons you have not to. 14:50 To be able to connect with another person is to let yourself be vulnerable. You're putting yourself out here and showing stuff that I don't think anybody would normally show to someone else -- BECAUSE we have those walls that we build up. 16:17 ah shoot well now your sleeve is wet. Welp, day ruined 😛 17:05 Does a video need to have a purpose...? I mean take a look at my channel. Everything I make is just a shitty edit little haha-joke that gets old fast. Some of my videos are legit pointless, but I still keep em up. It's something I made, Ima keep it up! Who needs purpose anyways? Isn't it enough that you made something that you can claim the workmanship for? 18:07 I think you dont feel fully present in the moment by the line "I just wanna be here." That's my limited take based on the other stuff you've talked abt in this video. 21:18 The implication in my opinion is that posting this video would be you letting yourself have a sense of vulnerability in order to connect with other people who go through similar things you're going through. Everyone hides aspects and parts of themselves that they don't want other people to see. Only when we actually do show those aspects of ourselves to each other do you really connect with others. I highly recommend listening to the audio series "Catastrotivity" by Exurb1a. It's like 6 episodes long and it goes into a lot about making art and the creative process and has helped me with making art and not dying in the process. Love your videos. Keep it up, Do Not strain yourself. Let your creative juices flow and let your dialogue take you wherever you may end up.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Hey thank you so much for this. I truly enjoyed reading all of it, I can’t easily respond as much as I’d like but I want to revisit this again because I have a lot of thoughts in response and I think you had at least one question in there. I’ll check out your recommendation. You’re awesome for this comment and your encouragement means a lot! :)

[@mannocheech4407]

They do have n medical slant check out m.a.p.s.

[@mannocheech4407]

When ever I gave issues I take super large doses which help for month

[@mannocheech4407]

30yrs of eating lead I can read n good at seeing sh it others can't see

[@A_Me_Amy]

i am insane and utterly confused by this whole thing called my life. you have no ability to understand but it is kinda surreal like a nightmare/dream. i kinda don't know how I am not freaking out but it sure looks .... less than fun...

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Life is often surreal to me as well

[@A_Me_Amy]

@@kaleidoscope3eyes how so? would love to hear about it, missouri lvoes company

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

@@A_Me_Amy sorry my last response got messed up, did you mean to say Missouri? That’s hilarious that’s where I live, the state of misery haha, I’m only joking But yes the only thing that comes to mind is a quote from The Book of Disquiet, hope you can appreciate the borrowed words, I’m sleepy now… "I don't know how to feel or think or love. I'm a character in a novel as yet unwritten, hovering in the air and undone before I've even existed, amongst the dreams of someone who never quite managed to breathe life into me. I'm always thinking, always feeling, but my thoughts lack all reason, my emotions all feeling. I'm falling through a trapdoor, through infinite space ... in a directionless, empty fall. My soul is a black maelstrom, a great madness spinning about a vacuum, the swirling of a vast ocean around a hole in the void, and in the waters, more like whirlwinds than waters, float images of all I ever saw or heard in the world: houses, faces, books, boxes, snatches of music and fragments of voices, all caught up in a sinister, bottomless whirlpool. And I, I myself, am the centre that exists only because the geometry of the abyss demands it; I am the nothing around which all this spins, I exist so that it can spin, I am the centre that exists only because every circle has one."

[@A_Me_Amy]

@@kaleidoscope3eyes i like the way that sounds. seems relevant to me as well. i live in missouri as well, but was alluding to misery

[@JakeHendo-wm1fl]

There was a girl doing videos about psychedelics like 8 years ago. I think she got banned or something. She was always talking about lsd and the god head. She was real skinny like this one but was brunette. Does anyone remember her or her name?

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

are you thinking of neurosoup?

[@JakeHendo-wm1fl]

@@kaleidoscope3eyes yes that’s her. Thank you for telling me because I’ve been looking for that account but forgot that name lol she must have had her original content taken down. Thanks love 💕

[@PJosepherum]

You're cute

[@mannocheech4407]

Mostly got rid of my add.

[@michaeltesfaalem3446]

hey i lovee you

[@mannocheech4407]

So you can change if you can pin piont

[@zoicaras2992]

I have adhd too, maybe very high functioning aspergers that i can mask quite well after years of doing so. i absolutely agree. but due to being inattentive, i was never good in school. i was always great in "soft" subjects like social studies, english, arts etc but never in hard science or maths. also ultra well behaved and quiet. weird to be socially outcast, but not weird enough to present as being clearly autistic lmao. universal struggle ey. but i find acid makes me feel so much more connected with the world. meth (very low therapeutic doses) help me to actually get up and out in the morning and live life. for me, they're both pinnacles of substances and have given me purpose to explore and LIVE instead of simply surviving.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

Thanks for sharing this too, it’s interesting to know more and yes I feel the same way with acid making me feel more connected, I really feel you with that last statement, it’s good you found a way to live instead of simply surviving, it’s beautiful to be able to do so, I wish you the best!

[@mannocheech4407]

Adgd high help

[@mannocheech4407]

I can show you

[@mannocheech4407]

Say who if you don't speak you can't share the my favorite but the wall is built by society stupid rules

[@damirregoc8111]

Not saying it's completely made up, but it's mostly made up: that term, "neurodivergent". Youth today, in the Western cultural sphere, is obsessed with identity. It's a fever, a fever of individualism. The overwhelming need to be somebody, something, special, and then expressing it through the music they listen, how they dress and fashion themselves, their gender inventions, mating preferences, and now, the latest fad, by having these unnoticeable syndromes, states and illnesses. Unnoticeable, until they get deliberately overemphasized.

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

I appreciate you sharing your perspective, I can understand what you are saying, this is one of the reasons I was very hesitant to share, I mentioned I don’t attach myself to the label, I feel if you knew me and the circumstances of my life you would be able to understand why I found sharing this aspect of myself useful. To some extent these categories are all arbitrary, human defined, and attaching yourself too obsessively to a label used to define a closely related set of particular characteristics isn’t useful, I hope you can see that I have a well rounded perspective on the topic and that I am not simply engaging in a fad.

[@pokemone397]

Your are frying your brain with this posion! Dont you know lsd scrambles your chromosomes!

[@3onnie]

I was diagnosed at 11 due to an ed and I’m also a lover of psychedelics it’s like my only interest 😂 and just thinking about nature of reality and wondering existence and what it means. You make me feel a lot less alone

[@kaleidoscope3eyes]

I’m happy to hear I make you feel less alone, from what you said we are indeed very similar. :)