Psychologist On Why You’re Better Off Accepting The Breakup Than Staying Emotionally Connected

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 🙂 👉 t1p.de/2o0n and you can find more videos on healing from a breakup in my breakup playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLzRKYOPcN3c_Xe00PbgF5fL88D8DNZHkH

[@zahradehghani8771]

it's been 17 days of no contact. i just hope after 6 month i came here and edit this comment and say i feel better . i am moving forward

[@noticeyourneighbor8649]

I’m at about the same place you are. It’s been 3 weeks and two days. We will make it through this and past this. Happier days are ahead of us.

[@anthonywhite6895]

week 3 😢

[@cynthiasanchez9286]

My First month

[@lindachyne8293]

It's day 1 for me

[@zahradehghani8771]

guys thank you all for reminding but I wanna say sth happened and I broke no contact.. It's day 4th now unfortunately.. I am trying so hard .. I watched a video from Dr Romani that she was explaining why we keep this trauma bond..bc we prefer the familiar hell to unknown heaven... anyway ... I pray for all us and I am trying to forgive myself that I couldn't keep my indifference .❤

[@hithardbutfoul3027]

This pain is unbearable, I hope and pray anyone going through this can find peace. I’ve been divorced and dumped by a new girlfriend since October of 2023. I have a high tolerance to physical pain but I am emotionally fragile when it comes to moving on…..I wish all of you the best

[@muhairabumgaiseeb5739]

you are afraid that you won’t be fine by yourself and you are wrong. you define yourself and nobody else

[@Goodwillwinoverevil1984]

@@muhairabumgaiseeb5739 Thanks. What's hard about break-ups is the rejection. Also, I feel like some men they are soo superficial/shallow, they think they can do better than you! The key words are frustration and disappointment for me. I can't believe I spent six months learning about him, building memories together, being intimate, meeting his stupid family, to nothing. I don't like his family either they have an air of arrogance to them! I wish I never met him to be honest. This fat white guy! It's been a year and my god my trust in people but especially men! He was a nerd (not that I didn't like nerds) but worse was that he was immature daddy's boy in his 40's who still lived with his parents! He thought he could get someone in their twenties instead. Like cruel much??!!

[@misterbxiv]

Same, September/october 2023, she ended our 9 year relationship. I was shocked. And I’m still in unbearable pain/sadness from it. Trying to move on, but it’s so hard

[@SaptuHIT]

I'm on the same boat .. the pain is really unbearable. Not fading away with time

[@TheGalilee416]

Right there with you. It’s the worst pain ever. Feels hopeless but I know I’ll get back up and move on at some point

[@DaveSustain]

This is the content one must actually watch post a breakup. The 'how to get your ex back videos' only do more damage giving you unrealistic hopes and keep you from healing.

[@ScopedMach1ne]

I have been avoiding them like the plague.

[@andyhinds542]

I would never want my exes back. We broke up for a reason.

[@davidcoppotelli3957]

Key Word Moving On. Your not alone there is a long line of Daves. Dealing with the exact situation. Nows the time to stay fully focused on you. Turn your life around without them. Go Work Out. Save your $$$$. Go look for a better job. Your not doing this for anyone but you. If someone does not want to be with. Open the Door and let them Go. And Do You. There is someone better out here .

[@KathrynForeman-y9d]

The get your ex videos have made things worse for me. I need to accept it.

[@wandf1812]

Of course it hurts, but she sent me on my path of self-improvement for me and only me. The breakup was right and it showed me, that i never really was ready for a relationship. So now i‘ll work on myself and it will take time. I‘m grateful for the time and memories we had, but now it’s my time. (She broke up with me)

[@joseamaya697]

You’re not alone, going through the same thing brother.

[@amelie-db7gu]

Same same. Great self awareness 🙌

[@daveo9844]

Same. Honestly I’m crap in relationships 🙁

[@jinxedking]

right here with you

[@Pneuma84]

You’re not alone, being through the process 9 months ago, crossed my path twice, with another man, it wasn’t easy to manage but, it’s a process

[@cammichristensen6705]

This is very well said. “Do you want to be someone’s backup plan?”

[@sunnykhan5451]

My ex is also sending me messages even after divorce messages like oh the song just come on whilst i was in taxi having an overseas holiday in Ibiza sure you miss me in Ibiza post divorce holiday just after a week she left for Ibiza haha... and another email come after2 days oh the her grand ma is sick etc as she knows i was close to her I didn't reply to that either as I want to heal from it all. if I wasnt good enough for her then bye.

[@rebeccamohapi3317]

NO, NOT AT ALL

[@ShadowlandStudio]

I really didn't not want to hear this. I really don't want it to be over, it was not my choice and I feel like I had/have a total lack of control. I just really don't want to be where I am. So this was good to hear but very hard to accept.

[@n.groulx4114]

My relationship break up is a separation with a baby horse I raised where a situation became out of my control. It's similar in that I'd much rather be part of her every day life and future like before. It's very painful to think of our sudden separation. I often find myself falling into the bargaining or depression part of grief. Two thoughts keep me moving forward. One is to "Let go and feed your soul" meaning to do the emotional / spiritual processing work now, instead of staying in resistance. The second is the Serenity Prayer (which is kind of the same thing said in another way): Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. We must treat ourselves with the same compassion as we would a friend - do the emotional operation that allows the pain to be lifted. I feel your pain - it's definitely not easy to let go. I think Maika's right though - we're made to heal. So newness will probably come on it's own, with our own cooperation! Best wishes, and you're not alone in how you feel.

[@sirtianplz]

Fucking amen to this.

[@marko5472]

You can always try to get your ex back. It is not impossible, trust me.

[@webbjessie1961]

​@@marko5472have you gotten back together with your ex?

[@zenamatthews9380]

​@@marko5472but it's begging! And trying to reel them in when they want to leave, how does that ever turn out well?

[@treeshuysentruyt1354]

Thank you for this. Beeing dumped for the second time by the same person in eight year and out of the blue really messes me up. Where 9 months after and finaly the mixed signs have stopt and theres no contact for two weeks. The pain is still raw. I didnt wanted this and invested so much. Gave so many chances. That makes it even harder to walk away. But I now I have to accept it for my own sanity. For anybody who is going through this… you are not alone. ❤

[@noneya703]

You are a separate single individual who does not belong attached to something that no longer exists. Very enlightening. Thank you.

[@jx8959]

"It's so painful that I begged God to heal my heart. " "Never again", I said to myself, to ever give someone that power to hurt me like this.

[@MistaMagee]

Yeah, I ain’t never gonna get burned like this by someone ever again

[@diverdan601]

My boyfriend of four years just dumped me two months ago and I am going through so much mental anguish right now that I feel like I’m dying.

[@jx8959]

@@diverdan601 you will get through this and feel better soon...I promised.

[@learninghowtoloseweight-li9lj]

@@MistaMagee i hate that you are going through this but believe me it gets better i just went through something myself but iam healing the pain is demishing

[@Awful.Productions]

Caused her pain, didn't realize it til it was done. Broke apart, smashed myself against the rocks trying to turn it around. When it felt like I was making any kind of meaningful progress, it fell right back into the things that broke us apart. My heart is broken, and it's just karma for what I've done in the past... I want to grow from it, but it's still so raw. How can people be so oblivious to their own actions? I was a fool.

[@mikewilliams235]

Such a good feeling when you finally understand that you no longer want to see them again and that nothing on Earth would make you go back. Your emotions literally turn 180 degrees, from doing anything to get back, to block that number, delete everything. Then you gotta face up to what you did to keep that rollercoaster rolling, learn the lessons and move back into yourself again.

[@Catford24]

I ended a relationship 4 months ago. I truly loved her but was so drained by the end. I miss so much about her but I know I’m just remembering the wonderful times. I guess my brain doesn’t want to remember the tough stuff. The weirdest part is knowing that it’s unlikely that I’ll ever see this person again. As Goyte sang “now you’re just somebody that I used to know” 😢

[@user-hr2yk5wh3u]

I am really sorry and I can feel that 🥹😢

[@alicew87]

I’ve been sleeping to your videos because I’m going through it. It has helped so much

[@jwhubert91]

Same.

[@omgiownk]

Are you feeling better?

[@NovaSky333]

I don’t WANT to let go😢 But I know I NEED to. Hence, here I am burning these words into my brain🤍

[@nathanielmJ55582]

I love you 💕

[@CORNFLAKESGAMINGX]

there is no other creator who gives the most realistic advices when it comes to these topics. The best

[@AM-ut7dg]

I asked maika in a comment on a previous video if she could make a video for people who are having a hard time moving on from their ex. This is the SECOND time she had answered one of my video requests with a video! Wow! Maika thank you so much for your help, and I really have to applaud you for caring so much about your viewers enough to actually take on their requests. I really hope your channel blows up too because your takes are always helpful. Thank you 🙏

[@namarievenstar]

Thank you, Maika. No one had ever explained it so clearly to me. Or perhaps I wasn't ready to understand it. I remained emotionally attached to my ex boyfriend for 8 years. I thought I was doing fine, that I had overcome it, only to discover two months ago that he got married in 2021 and has a child. When I learned the news, I broke down like a giant dam and all the emotions just overflown me. The fact that he has an avoidant personality type didn't help either (I only learned about that personality type classification just now while trying to make sense of it all). I did keep receiving mixed signals during the first three years after the separation. I have been in therapy since, losing sleep over it, and crying every single day. Let's just say that I acquired a completely new respect for my own mind and its mysteries. I never thought I could have created this 'safe' bubble and survived within it for so many years... I am finally accepting the reality and the break up, but, the cost has been deary. I wish you all that are in pain over a broken heart to find peace and are able to move on. This kind of unendurable pain is not something you'd like anyone to experience...

[@CindyKrueger-z4z]

“Emotional healing over absolute certainty” Key take-away from this fabulous video!

[@dandepaz9431]

The part where it’s okay to stop hoping - is literally the best advice I saw online in the past month since she left me . Thank you 🙏🏻

[@GreenCloud492]

Nostalgia is a monster, it makes me feel so sad and gives me weird mixed emotions. Thank you so much for this video.

[@daniellindner826]

Thank you for posting these videos. They're helping me a lot in getting over my breakup. Ever since the break up a few months ago I was stuck in a state where I felt hope, like I was in control of me and my ex getting back together (partly because I blamed myself for a lot of things). I always thought breakups would get easier the older I get but I came to realise that is not the case. I've watched almost every video in this playlist and it has helped me a lot in reflecting about contributions and accepting the reality. Though it is still painful, I'm calmer and in a much better mental state. Thank you.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

I‘m glad the breakup playlist has been helpful 🙂, all the best for your continued journey 🌱

[@harrysherman12345]

I don’t often watch videos on KZbin that help me but this video is absolutely fantastic, it is realistic, mature and understanding. There’s no claim about healing in 1 month guarantee or anything like that. Simply understanding reality and how acceptance of a situation can help start the healing process. Thank you for this video.

[@kori4580]

I’m in my 4th month of no contact and I think I’ve accepted it. My problem is that after 14 years together, I don’t understand how he cheated on me, lied, gaslighted me, abandoned and treated me so cruelly and coldly in the end.

[@Joshy2-SF]

I hear you Kori, it's very difficult and only adds to the damage and feelings of betrayal. Finding that closure in ourselves is the key

[@JimClark-m7j]

There probably will never be closure, true closure is something most people do not find and for this reason. Ask yourself? If he gave you an answer and it was the truth, as he knew it, would it still satisfy you? The truth is, probably not. You will probably never get the answer to your questions and if you did, you may not even like or accept them. Closure is a myth. The key is this. For the time that you were together, did the relationship work and served its purpose, hopefully so. We can love other people in our life time. To think in a world of 8 billion people, that there is only one person who can love you back is simply absurd, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Go live your life, do not be bitter. There are 8 billion people and the world will go one without you and I, but this is our only chance at this one life.

[@tenaciousd1347]

⁠​⁠@@JimClark-m7j”go live your life, do no be bitter” 💗🙏🏼 Beautiful advice. All of it.

[@MM-zt9tf]

Omg! Exactly the same situation! 14 years together and her cheated and lied to me on the last years in a really bad way. He dumped me and is cold! Keeps me with hot and cold and now is done for real and it hurts sooo bad. But I need him back..idk why! I must love myself more but is so hard when you're a bit introvert...

[@JimClark-m7j]

@@MM-zt9tf you do not need him back, you want him back. You have proven you can live without him. You want him back, so you can show others and yourself that you are not a loser. If you NEEDED him to live your life, you would be dead already. He showed you his character, why are you killing yourself for him. You’re hanging on to a dead relationship, because of your insecurities. Quit blaming him,

[@basketballgod2791]

The hardest part is hurting someone and then not realizing you love them until they stop giving you access to them. I could have another girl easily, but they will never be like her. We as men have got to realize when we have a good woman in front of us before it’s too late.

[@vixter28]

@@basketballgod2791 Yup my boyfriend just dumped me and I’m probably the best thing he’s ever ever gonna have - He’s an alcoholic and I put up with a lot of sh*t from him, but I still stuck by his side and accepted him for who he was & he still threw it away and now he can’t come back - hurts like hell us women go through hurt too 😢 💔

[@vixter28]

@@basketballgod2791 Could you tell that to my ex boyfriend? He threw our relationship away bc of his insecurities, and wouldn’t talk to me about it, I stood by him, supported him, didn’t cheat etc Now it’s over and he will not be able to get me back because he did too much damage women hurt too 😢💔

[@BurtBot]

This 👆

[@dannybmf]

Its not "men" problem. Its a YOU problem.

[@GabrielXDrums]

@@dannybmfyou should take your own advice.

[@jumpinjason]

Thank you for this video. It’s what I needed to hear. I knew all this going into the break up. Throw in a month of sleep depravation, not eating and unbearable heart pain and your emotional decisions take over.She met someone new right away and finding out I honestly said “I love you and am happy for you and support you” But pain and lack of sleep made me decide “I’ll always regret it if I didn’t try everything to get her back”. All that did was prolong my pain, force her to be harsh with me to lovingly make sure I have no hope, and jeopardized any future friendship. Holding on has a huge cost. In fact it makes you less attractive and less likely to get back together with the person later on.

[@MrAmc1291]

So glad I found you. Going through a painful breakup. I can't stop thinking about her and her children without crying. I know I did nothing wrong and she's got a lot of personal and emotional issues she's dealing with, I still feel like I could've done more. This video is a great first step to me healing and moving forward. You're right, we don't know what the future holds, but I'm not going to wait around for a small amount of hope we'll get back together. I need to move forward with my life and hopefully find someone who will give me the emotional acceptance I yearn for.

[@ximeacabal6803]

I cried with this. Thank you for making such helpful videos. I love your content, short, direct and focus on people healing not publicity.

[@bearface9706]

The hardest thing is the relationship felt as perfect as could be, and the breakup was out of the blue without a word of discussion before it was final. She said she wanted to be with me but was scared of being hurt. It feels like her love for me was at the highest peak moments before she left me. Her mum left when she was 4, I think that wound was triggered when things got serious.

[@IvanCumpian]

Has she come back?

[@bearface9706]

@@IvanCumpian We've been broken up for 9 weeks now, 6 weeks no contact. It was my birthday 1 week ago and that's when she unfriended me on fb. She did reach out 3 weeks after breakup but just asking how my week was and talking about olympics. She acted like she wasn't affected by the break up but still showed empathy... I think it did affect her, otherwise why unfriend me a day after my birthday?

[@IvanCumpian]

@@bearface9706 sending you a hug bro

[@__whitehawk__]

Sounds like BPD man...

[@believedragons_]

Maika, you're so sincere when speaking about this. Thank you. I had to break up with someone after realizing it's what's best for the both of us, even if we didn't want to do it. This was a complicated anxious (me, which I learned from this) - avoidant situation. The hard part is that I loathe giving up so when the opportunity presented itself at first, I wanted to fight for it. But I realized the hot and cold cycle was going to continue. She wasn't ready. And I needed to leave to protect myself.

[@varnishyourboard]

Good advice for people with prospects. I'm in the "heartbreak is my identity" phase until the end and I've accepted that.

[@ruiner29]

Heart break sucks, Its been my identity lately too and it fn sucks so bad, It hurts

[@meryamsaeed5472]

This pain is so unbearable I pray it will end soon

[@andrewcampbell7702]

I have had massive breakup pain for four months. I was blindsided with an 'it's over' text after one year. Nothing she said made any sense. Then four weeks later there was a car on her drive early one morning. She had found someone else. How can women be so incredibly cruel, I am devastated.

[@jegonzales1]

4 days ago I walked in and saw her with naked in bed with another man. Consider yourself lucky you don’t have that image in your head

[@mezlandia]

Women tend to detach emotionally before they do physically. We generally grieve right away whereas it takes some time for men to start grieving. Be easy on yourself. You deserve your love.

[@TheLastSamurai813]

@@mezlandia yep I'm learning this now. My ex broke up with me in mid July after almost 4 years together. I'm now 40 and she is 31. She said she has emotionally given up on this relationship months ago as in Feb. She said she gave me many chances to change but I didn't and just kept my ways and it was enough is enough for her. She broke up with me on the phone in a 1 min convo. I didn't reach out for almost 2 months then texted her to talk and try and get my closure, That was a mistake as I heard many things I didn't want to hear but at the same time I needed to hear to start moving on. Its so hard to live with knowing my depression and sheltering out myself was the cause of me losing the love of my life. It wasn't easy hearing her say move on try some dating sites, I don't see myself spending my life with you anymore and I'm not going backwards its over forever.

[@LadyE9714]

At least you received a text. Several months in, things seemed great, and then, nothing. No response to my outreach.

[@peonieng5783]

i love how calming your voice is. your videos have been saving me these days. you’re like a friend that i can share my story without being judged. thank you!

[@Babylonboy55]

Its crazy how much this hurts, its like nothing else.. i feel like this pain is never gonna stop... 😢

[@morganic88]

The pain fades eventually, time is a great healer … trust me , I’ve gone thru it recently too

[@aerosmith186]

Love your videos, and great advice! It'll be almost a year since the breakup of my ex gf, and I'm still at a point where I can't believe this happened. I'm stuck in this anger/love thing. Your advice is spot on. Accept the breakup rather than hold on emotionally. I'll try. Thank you.

[@Lionandlamb]

I’m going through a separation and this has been the most helpful video I’ve found

[@al5616]

3 months of no contact after 3.5 years together. We talked about marriage, combining our families. We contacted realtors to sell our homes. She said i will never let anything come between us. And a few months, she broke up with me. Now I found out she's already got a new boyfriend. The hurt is real, but trying to accept. Trying to detach. I know these things are out my control. Trying to feel through the pain and sadness. Trying to focus on the positive. My kids. My family and friends. My physical health (i am in amazing shape now) . And there are so many other positives in my life , post breakup. But still hurts. Looking forward to updating everyone in a few months. Hopefully, with the amazing news that i am in an even better place! :)

[@The-Authentic-Life]

Honest, practical and thoughtful advice ❤ Still healing now after some time after ending my first same sex relationship. The most painful thing I ever had to do was walk away from someone I still love. Things ended maturely which somewhat made things harder. But the first time in my life I have put my own needs and mental health first which is what continues to drive me forward. Old patterns and habits crop up (like trying to reach out to her even though she blocked me). I am a work in progress but knowing I chose to love MYSELF more for the first time in my life is a beautiful thing. Doesn't mean the pain goes - just with time and self acceptance I get stronger each day ❤

[@raysmetaltracks6782]

Wow.... I didnt realize this is what I was doing. I didnt want to let go, so I was holding on. I didnt even know I was doing it. I romanticize that she will come back, but the reality is something I didnt want to accept. I also realize now that Im not going back to the old me, but a new, different me. She is perfect, and I will miss her. But its time to make that hard decision. I can do this. Thank you.

[@zenamatthews9380]

I just got broken up with and this is exactly how I feel. I keep fantasizing.

[@raysmetaltracks6782]

@@zenamatthews9380 Hang in there, it gets better, I promise. I wont lie and tell you you will miraculously wake up and it will be all better, it took me some time. Its been 6 months and I can now go a day or two without thinking about her. Sure things will remind me of her, but I'm working on me. I even let myself meet someone new, taking it very slow. You got this, just one day at a time.

[@zenamatthews9380]

@raysmetaltracks6782 thanks buddy. Good luck! Thanks for taking the time to answer me

[@carmiebbt]

i really needed to hear all this 😞 especially when we both still love each other and want to keep each other in our lives

[@texaswinter1]

Life and dignity saving video. Thank you for making this video.

[@henrike34]

Thank you ❤ I have allowed myself to stay emotionally attached for 25 years. Now is the time to move on

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

👏🏻

[@andrewparry7528]

Because your diction is 10/10 you enable this to be so digestible. Great job.

[@RJ-ef4ld]

Maika - This came from a very authentic place within yourself. Thank You!!

[@ReptileLover-qv8vf]

Thank you, Maika. Today, I'm choosing to accept the breakup 100%. No more hope. Moving on to healing.

[@leticialima558]

Thank you ❤ Today I had a breakdown, and I needed to listen to this. Those words exactly. You're amazing!

[@JimClark-m7j]

Your amazing! Not because I know you, simply because you’re trying to heal and you will heal.

[@michaelwhitham4501]

Well said 👌 by far the best video of this type I’ve come across,and believe me watched a few 😊

[@allin3808]

Feeling the most incredible pain I didn't even think was possible after being dumped for someone else, despite the deep connection and love between us, despite having solved our issues. I've tried it all to fix things but nothing worked because now, in just a few days that person became more important. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. Your heart and soul just feel ripped off. It's been 3 weeks now and still feels a nightmare. Going through hell right now.

[@SATANIST66677]

Really hope ur feeling a lil better...:s

[@ruiner29]

Im in the same boat. I messed up and indirectly forced her into another man's arms. Ive been replaced. It hurts so bad, and all my efforts get me is uncertainty from her. She says idk how it will turn out, Part of me wants to keep trying, But the other part of me wants to reciprocate the idk back.... This pain sucks so bad

[@SATANIST66677]

@ruiner29 yeah that pain of having pushed her in the harms of someone else is just on another level man..im still feeling it so hard after a month. I don't even know how I'm gonna let that shit go with winter and the holidays coming soon like damn it's a nightmare

[@ruiner29]

@@SATANIST66677 well yeah, like, im like, she's gonna be there with him for the holiday's? Like , to be true and let her go, would be right for her, snd me and my self fixing, But it hurts so bad, but i never wanted to chain her down,

[@Appy-it5mz]

I can move on and heal from the breakup 💪🏻I had gone through many breakdowns in that relationship. I don't want it anymore , now I'm focused on my healing. Good luck to me 🤞🏻

[@sofief2671]

Your strength is very inspiring

[@alanc7827]

This is an awesome video with good insights. Thank you for making it Doctor Steinborn. My break up was declared by my ex on September 29th. I still live my life and have gone on one date with a woman that showed so much more attraction and affection to me than my ex, but I didn’t take it further because I won’t allow my emotional connection for my ex to die down. I waited 4 years to get my ex, even refusing friendship and she finally accepted me and my love is so deep for her, that I won’t let it die down until I am certain she’s gone for good. She has me blocked for the time being but I have been in no contact, for almost a month, since being blocked doesn’t stop us from contacting those who we love. Cheers everyone

[@johnbutcher4748]

If they chose to open the door, let em walk through it.

[@jhunter213]

I ended it. And I am inundated with sadness. Despite the lack of reciprocation by the other party. I truly want to grieve.

[@JSonofSam]

Broke up with my ex this past Sunday morning. I deleted her photos, blocked her on all social media, threw away all her gifts, had family block her, and spoke to my 6 year old about how we’ll never speak to her again. Leaving this comment here so I can come back in 6 months and proudly share what I’ve been able to accomplish in life, fitness, health, business, parenthood, and relationships.

[@zenamatthews9380]

I got broken up with yesterday. Waves of screaming and sobbing keep coming to me. I can't stand not getting attention from him. We live together and he cowardly ended it without trying to talk it through. This advice is very valuable. The relationship is just something i can't have.

[@sofief2671]

You’re not alone. I’m going through it with you. After 5 years he ended things over the phone. He will come by in a week to get his stuff and we will have to say goodbye. I never wanted this to end.

[@zenamatthews9380]

@sofief2671 omg I'm so sorry, you don't deserve that!

[@christophergrundy4424]

Thank you so much for this video - your counsel is useful in helping me navigate a way forward / I’ve been stuck for 7 months now and it’s time to move on.

[@ExpontialZ]

Thank you for sharing such a positive, constructive, and emotionally empowering message! May Godd bless you in your path of helping others!😊

[@kenan3444]

"you're not taking away the chance to say yes then, by chosing your mental health and healing now."

[@bernadetak3991]

I broke up 3 weeks ago. And I just can't stop crying and I can't let it go and keep everyday contact and look at my phone all day. Even though my partner stated multiple times he doesn't love me and isn't attracted to me and he's just with me because he doesn't want to be alone. It's still pretty early but I cry every day and I'm scared I'll never stop. I know all of you in the coments experience similar hurt and it makes me hopeful if some of you moved on I can do it too.❤️

[@mervemerve6792]

Awww❤️ we can do it!!! We will heal with self work + time 🥹 Thank you Dr Steinborn! I really appreciate your resources!!!!

[@benasbaranovskis639]

I do not have a lot of relationship exp, but I had two and both ended in break-ups. In both the girl would break up with me. What I learned (and still am learning) that 'No contact' works. No contact means basically that they are dead to you. No looking at their pictures, no stalking on social media. No calls. Sometimes I feel guilty when I do this, because the other person may still be there and may still want to be together, but if they did not want to be there in the first place, why they are changing their choice. Therefore understanding that you feel guilt is not bad, tho you need to coerse this emotion into understanding where you were wrong about them and what you did not right yourself. Break-up can be seen as positive, if you frame it that way. What you can learn from that exp about humanity is valuable.

[@donnaconiglio4076]

Thank you I really needed to hear this tonight.A painful truth.

[@stendec]

I have a son with my ex, so coming to terms with the breakup has been a rocky road. I didn't want it so clung on to hope for several months. She's been seeing someone else but trying to keep it hidden from me. I've been such an idiot clinging on to something that wasn't there. I'm not waiting around any more and I'm moving on. You really do have to give up the hope and believe in yourself again. It takes time. It still hurts and I still feel so much guilt for not being able to give my son his family back. You have to let go though. A few months ago I would have done literally anything to make it work with her again, yet now I'm moving on, for myself and for my kid. It can be done, I promise.

[@CorriXGaming]

I'm so grateful for this video! All of the said things are so true! I needed this very badly. Thank you!

[@Dialyn]

I needed this calm message. Thank you. 🙏

[@markcool8750]

As always 💯 correct! I have accepted and gone through the emotional connection, and I have now detached that from me. It's an empowering feeling. Thank you, Maika ❤ You are the best😘

[@JudiciousJaguar]

Wow.. these videos are like a light breeze in your mind, that let you think in such a relaxing way even if you're in a break-up state Thanks you so much, every time I feel relieved and a step further for my self improvement! ✨

[@NikScott435]

Accepting what is in this video is key to begin the self reflection and healing process after a breakup. While it's only been 4 days since my partner unexpectedly broke up with me, repeat watching this video helps me to keep in the present by not only thinking about the good times we had, the last of which was 3 days before the breakup. Personally speaking, having previously seen a therapist to process trauma in my childhood, I'm finding the emotional learning and tools I gained from that, combined with Dr Steinborn's excellent videos, are helping me to process and accept the sudden loss of the emotional connection I had with my ex and our relationship. For those who are at the start of a breakup when your head and heart feel all over the place, I wish you lots of strength to help you navigate through this very tough time. Take care.x

[@NikScott435]

To clarify, this doesn't mean that the sadness and waves of grief go away immediately, but experiencing both while knowing there's no hope of a reunion, is part of the healing.

[@ericklou2013]

This is a very healing talk. Thank you

[@gerardredfern7339]

Dr Maika. thank you. You have saved my life.And I mean that. I'm out of the darkness now!

[@oliverdaxplayground9812]

This is spot on in all levels. Thank you🙂❤️

[@navyavarshini2267]

Thank you very much for making these videos. It’s truly helping me to overcome my heartbreak . Really feeling so grateful to you ❤

[@monsutades9999]

I'd love to see a video on what may qualify a healthy situation to get back together with someone. Thank you for the amazing content!

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Have you seen this video? Psychologist On If It Makes Sense To Get Back Together With Your Ex | 10 Points To Consider kzbin.info/www/bejne/haTaZJmuiZqUb5o

[@RayLyleMusic]

thank you for that last part "...youre not taking away to say yes then, by choosing you mental health and healing NOW" you have to grieve

[@marcopasin7842]

Dr Maika...How I survived without you until today?! Please continue like this. Thank you

[@Regina25655]

This is such wonderful, tender and honest advice. Thank you

[@safficus1]

Thank you so much for your videos on break ups, you've helped me more than I can say ❤️

[@JohnADuerk]

Thank you for this content. It's what I needed to hear tonight.

[@Achtergelatenhond]

Thank you. You speak genuinly and straight to the heart. This was spot on ❤

[@MJ-rk7kv]

Wow.. I really needed to hear that. Thank you

[@dale116dot7]

I really felt that the breakup happened for me over a couple of years. Once we broke it off, I felt suddenly done, I feel no pain, but relief. But the past couple of years has been very distant, and I really tried to get closer, tried to get her to come in closer, only to get pushed away hundreds of times. She could not believe I broke it off, but I really tried, and some mutual friends were surprised I didn’t break up with her several years ago. I held on far too long.

[@jaialaiwarrior]

I'm sure it's the best general advice but very GenX and younger centric. As people age finding better opportunities becomes harder and harder and of course there are plenty of scenarios where a partner leaves through death or a worsening mental illness. These situations are not uncommon and allow for completely different coping strategies. There are are widows who never remarry for a reason and no one looks down on them for honoring the memory of their "ex" until their own death as well. The video is glib to ignore this psychology and how it might also justifiably apply. The more these situations accumulate over a lifetime especially among people who have reason to feel confident in their relationships the harder it becomes to trust one's own judgement and the easier it is to find relationships that compromise yourself and a subsequent partner. The number of reasons for just "giving up" are endless, especially in an age of dating apps that deceive people into thinking their options are endless rather than just filled with people addicted to the mate market "chase" and who are in reality more closed off and selfish than ever.

[@melaniesyx]

What I'm experiencing is kind of a "limbo breakup". We didn't have any problems within the relationship. We broke up due to external forces. We're still very much in love with each other. That I can be certain. However by lowering down my hope, I'm not removing the possibility of getting back together anyway. It just helps me heal faster. If we're meant to be together, we'll be together. That said, I find it very hard to stop hoping entirely especially because of the way we parted. But whenever I find myself hoping, I just kindly tell myself to stop there.

[@melaniesyx]

To anyone going through a similar situation, where you simply cannot reduce your hope level to zero because both parties are still in love with each other and there's a real possiblity to get back together if circumstances change, I'd say instead of assuming the worst (which counters the hope but worsens the mood), say "I don't know". Accept the uncertainty.

[@twinbeatz1146]

@@melaniesyx💯💯💯

[@barbaraandrews5]

I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.

[@CaptainBobTR13CK]

I needed to hear this. It still hurts, but thank you.

[@gjin141]

10 weeks since we were together and every day hurts. This is helpful

[@ved108-u9p]

it's been 5 months and now i can say it's starting to get better because i stopped crying 2 to 3 time's daily , now it came down to 1 time a day.

[@dolefaust7622]

Thank you for your advice.

[@EarthtoneSoundscapes]

Well that was about as spot on as it gets. Reality check!

[@capkid3459]

Your videos are so helpful, I´m really tankful for them.

[@mrvlrdlcrrlm4661]

Wow this video was everything I needed to hear

[@Abolistable]

You've really helped, ty so much.

[@Acebytarot]

Thank you ❤

[@Cobra-vq6qr]

It's possible that you saw the breakup coming and you prepared for it ahead of time. Makes getting over the relationship easier. Nothing worse than being in a marriage that makes you feel alone, isolated, and all the problems are your fault.

[@ac1officialmusic]

Thank you. I really enjoy your videos. Very helpful!

[@BadalKaushal-yx7kg]

This was amazing absolutely bang on

[@cloudeia6894]

You come across as caring yet very stern, and it feels.. different but also like i kinda need that?

[@oshicole]

I gave the relationship all I am. I am completely broken right now its been about three weeks of non stop crying and hurt. After being together for all our lives when do I give up?? I really just don't know what to do anymore. these videos help but this is not where I wanted to be, I was about to propose it feels like I am living in a nightmare.

[@prasadkumta3432]

4/12/2024 i separated from my soulmate she stopped texting me , going strong still today heart says get back to her but mind is strong. Its battle between memories, heart and mind hope i stay strong and cherish her memories till death as its the only way we meet and i see her happiness from far far away slowly coming back to reality, stay strong and healthy take care....

[@3000phoneix]

You are a life saver Thank you 👍👍