Love Is Blind S3 #30 - (Confronting Bartise Again) - Therapist Reacts

[@Frwill126]

I feel like the girls reactions was just to highlight how immature he was throughout the process and how he never cared for Nancy. He literally did not handle her with care AT ALL- he told her how attractive Raven was to him, he told his family about abortion knowing they were not going to agree and his sister would emotionally react, he led her to believe that he was actually thinking yes on the wedding day and then he goes off with “his type” within 48 hours. In the moments where it mattered, he didn’t show up for Nancy once and it started when he saw how she looked. That’s where the women’s reaction is coming from.

[@sam-wt1gq]

Can I just say, I LOVE your intro. Aka how you dive right in. Appreciate it so much that I don't have to skip through a drawn out promo until the actual vid starts

[@Whats.her.f4ce]

So true lol

[@sarahgumball8597]

I feel like bartise made it so clear that he didn’t want Nancy he was basically like “after seeing raven I feel like I picked a troll” Nancy was like “ok cool let’s get married”

[@mel818]

@@sierranyokka8435 what did she say?

[@sarahgumball8597]

Omg how did I not catch that scene. That is gross to discuss with someone you just met

[@amandajo340]

I think the reason they bring up him being with a girl a couple days after the wedding is because Bartise kept saying he didn't know he was gonna say no up until the alter and kept telling Nancy he was gonna say yes. So I think it's just a point that discredits that he didn't know he'd say no beforehand. Of course there's also other things that makes that seem unlikely.

[@annarennie]

"I don't want to judge you but it's f*cked up" oh Alexa 😂🤦‍♀️

[@EnjoyLife-op5rn]

I think Alexa was wrong. Bartise can date whomever he wants after a breakup. Alexa was wrong to criticize him.

[@capsulamental]

that's f*cked up, but not essentially right or wrong. Just plain insensitive

[@elisabetarusu1029]

So you can say "it's f*cked up" but you can't say "it's insane", when they came after Cole when he used this word, but when Alexa used that word nobody said anything, when Cole said it, literally everybody was picking on him and laughed on him...

[@katerose9676]

Yep agree, Bartise can do whatever he wants as he's single. I think Nancy was frustrated at how she felt treated throughout the relationship and him moving on so quickly made her feel even less than. It's the way some people gauge a relationship -- how their ex responds at the end, is equivalent to how much they were invested, and because Bartise moved on so quickly Nancy felt like their relationship/ she meant nothing.

[@mimiad397]

I think sometimes as viewers we forget it was a 6 week experiment/"relationship". Even in the real world, most people would get back into the dating scene pretty quickly after dating someone for only 5/6 weeks.

[@sxyteesa0890]

@@mimiad397 the next day though? I mean that’s sounds like he was texting/messaging the girl throughout the engagement

[@mimiad397]

@@sxyteesa0890 not necessarily, nowadays everything is too easy. E.g. online dating or social media in general or meeting someone after going out for a drink/friends ...who knows

[@fayfayb06]

And maybe the relationship didn't mean anything to him. I think dating is a long lesson in not thinking you're not loveable just because someone doesn't/didn't/won't love you.

[@sxyteesa0890]

@@fayfayb06 that’s what I’m thinking that it meant nothing and that would be devastating to me emotional investment without an equal return can be disheartening

[@Flint1545]

I can see why Nancy would be hurt that Bartise dated someone immediately after their breakup. But I don’t think Bartise did something immoral, just insensitive, especially posting on social media. in line with his selfish behavior we saw throughout the show, so not a surprise

[@T_Skye]

Sometimes people laugh because they can't let themselves cry. It's definitely a coping mechanism. It might even be out of the person's control.....the body forces laughter as an automatic means of coping with stress, fear, trauma, anxiety, etc. even though the mind knows its an inappropriate response. The mind and body aren't always in sync.

[@EmpressEllie]

I’ve definitely laughed when most people would cry. For example near the end of my last relationship that was abusive. He cheated on me once again and I laughed hysterically. Not because I wasn’t sad and hurt, I was, but because I felt so foolish for believing in him once again, after going through so much. But man, if someone saw me laughing like that without any context, they would be so confused.

[@TheIndigo1child]

I have noticed I smile in difficult situations. I never cry in front of people. I am conscious of how terrible it must look but it is so automatic and as soon as I feel it happen I fight against it. Most recently my vet told me my cat may suddenly drop dead within 24hrs due to a poisoning (they were unsure if the treatment would be enough to prevent it happening) In reality it felt like someone had punched me in the gut and was squeezing my heart but I'm sure the vet thought I was out to lunch to smile at such information. I cried when I got home. He survived thankfully.

[@a.5326]

@@TheIndigo1child Ohhh, I get you. I've smiled and laughed during situations where such expressions were wildly inappropriate. I fight it too because when I'm doing it, it feels like I have no control over it. I feel so awful because obviously this often hurts, confuses, and insults the people around me, justifiably so. I don't mean it and it really is distressing for me and the people around me.

[@argggg7091]

Guess not a lot people have been on the other side of it.. Ofcourse everyone is free to do whatever in life, but having had a wedding a day ago where you have been left..and seeing the man you wanted to be with, being all in lust with someone else..is just hurtfull. Regardless of unwritten rules... Most of the time people still feel really vulnerable after such a life event..regardless if they signed up for an experiment and knew this could be a scenario.

[@EmpressEllie]

Exactly!!! They just spent a solid month or more getting to know each other intensely, living together, having sex, meeting their families and friends…. And then it’s just over and he’s on someone else immediately. It’s sad.

[@bookbag6432]

He told her multiple times he was not attracted to her and they were only dating for two months. She also went looking at his Instagram story to find that information. He did not send her the picture and is single and can do whatever he wants.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

Sure Nancy has right to feel hurt but at the same time Bartise didn't do anything wrong there. Her feelings are valid, but her taking it out on tell all for other cast members and viewers to judge him about it, was not ok.

[@BlackCampariBlue]

Absolutely valid for anyone to be very hurt in such a situation. Regardless of that, Bartise is free to cope any way he wants with the situation and to date without owing Nancy and others an explanation. I'm absolutely with Dr Honda on that - as long as he doesn't rub it under Nancys nose, thats his decision. The cast ganging up on him about his private life and speculating about what he does or doesn't feel based on his choices after the show was really out of place.

[@karimmadueno3257]

Of course it is, but you still don't have a right to dictate what you ex does or imply he's a bad person for moving on. Especially Nancy, he told her he wasn't feeling it for her... she chose to stay

[@ohisee9173]

If he gaslighted her into getting to the alter and saying yes after she wanted to say no, rejected her but still claimed to love her and wanted to continue dating, then I think it's kind of easy to doubt everything he ever said when he moved on so quickly because a lot of people cannot fathom being able to sleep with someone while being in love with someone else. But you're right, you don't know what people are really feeling or how they cope. But I think they were right. He never cared enough. He's too immature.

[@smartmarketing173]

His behavior just screams he’s in it for the clout.

[@stellannie86]

To me it came across a little bit like he wanted to emphasize the word "sex" to look like an alpha or something. Even during the show he said multiple times "women always come to me" and so on. I don't think there's anything wrong with dating someone else soon after breaking up, but the way he constantly tries to portray himself is a bit annoying to me.

[@jaxsmith1204]

He was trying to make everyone else feel “inappropriate” for asking, to deflect from the inappropriateness of his actions (being on a boat with a strange woman 1 day after leaving Nancy at the altar). Sort of like “I’m not the pervert, YOU’RE the pervert! No further questions!” Aka: reverse victim. It’s like a cheater who gets caught, proceeding acting “offended” that the wife DARED invade his privacy by glancing at his text messages (and found him cheating lol) It’s a deflection tactic lol.

[@ILuvMyBrwnSkin]

@@jaxsmith1204 Exactly! Gaslighting

[@jaxsmith1204]

@@ILuvMyBrwnSkin 100%

[@heatherjordan8038]

I completely agree! I was on vacation at Niagara Falls when I got the call that my dad commited suicide. I chose to stay at Niagara Falls and not drive 11 hours to northern Maine to sit with my family. I chose to make phone calls, checking on them throughout the days while I took in the beautiful falls. I wondered if I was going to appear like I didn't care about my dad and family but honestly I was in shock. So now I have separated the two memories and I can say with joy that I saw Niagara and at the same time I can say that my dad passed away.

[@Denchanter]

Suppose it depends on how close you were to the person who died.

[@ktokie338]

DEATH of somebody that you knew and had a relationship with and loved is completely different from a wedding of someone you knew for a month NOT the same thing.

[@randjassar4258]

I really hope you’ll do a quick reaction over the “cuties incident” that Zanab was referring to. I’m very curious to hear your thoughts!

[@sam-wt1gq]

Yes!! I hope it's a super long reaction haha. I'd love a deep dive about how people may interpret or distort situations based on the issues they may be dealing with.

[@demJem09]

Honestly when i saw that I immediately thought of Dr. Honda 😂 another example of Cole being almost thoughtlessly nonchalant and Zanab restructuring the narrative around how the scene went down

[@jaxsmith1204]

Yes, I hope so too! Dr. Honda, please, if there is any way you could kindly analyze “cutie-gate”, we would be forever grateful!!

[@delagonz4295]

That’s why I’m watching this whole series lol! Just for the cuties

[@bethnshermy]

Bring on the cuties scene! Make it a deep dive actually!

[@Sough]

Alexa really stirs the pot. Not a fan. "It's not for me to judge you but that was fucked up" great job not judging...

[@aleksismil]

Laughter is often a defense mechanism. Children sometimes laugh if you reprimand them. Usually, it is an expression of shame and feeling uncomfortable.

[@silverarrowtarot]

THE point is - if he REALLY loved her like he kept saying... he wouldnt be so quick to move on. It is a little in bad taste. Obviously he can do what he wants... it just kind of shows more of his true colors though.

[@turnitupwithnelly-2337]

Yeah i totally agree. Even the doc doesnt see it like this, its exactly what hes saying. He even said he doesnt think when people who say no express "love" they dont mean it in the same way the person who said yes does. anyway, i think it was distasteful and disrespectful. Ethically i think you should give the relationship a little more time to breathe. Bartise went on and on about he "loved" Nancy but then totally humiliated her at the alter and then went online pretending like it aint shi.

[@sunnyblonde93]

People can be reeeaaally hurt, and deal with it by having sex with others. I don’t like that and it’d bother me too if an ex did that, but it doesn’t change the fact that they can be reacting to their own pain.

[@STasugx]

No, this is Dr Honda’s point: People deal with their emotions in their own ways. So if Bartiste wants to go after “rebound” women to deal with his love or lack of love for Nancy, he’s completely fine to do so and no one should be judging whether his intentions are right or wrong. Nance on the other hand is entitled to her own feelings, but she would be wrong to presume and judge why he did it.

[@onedirectionlover317]

I disagree with the level of exoneration Bartise is getting in this take, b/c he could have absolutely kept some of his posts private, and imo having a public profile IS rubbing your posts in others' faces (especially if you have any sort of renown), but Dr. Honda bringing it back to cases like the lady wrongfully convicted of murdering her child was good to ground it in "the point". B/c if people can do what they want and be as much of an insensitive jerk as they want, others have the right to judge them for it. I did not feel the cast was out of place for judging him for it b/c it just underlies how worthlessly he treated Nancy. Something can be "valid" but still be shitty and heartless and something others have every right to feel negatively about. But yes it's not right to use that as evidence of a crime.

[@radicallyalyssa]

Ty for the trigger warning. ❤️ I'm currently pregnant after having 3 miscarriages and therapy has really helped me heal but there are certain things I don't realize will affect me. I continued the story until "tiny casket" and decided to skip forward. I have 11 weeks left, and I'm ok! But maybe not all stories are meant for my ears right now. Ty always for sharing and for your compassion!

[@sarahgumball8597]

I’m praying for you and your precious baby! Many women in my family had miscarriages, you are not alone. Sending you a big hug! ❤️

[@xXnoomzyXx]

I wish you the very best of luck for you and your little one! 💕

[@EmpressEllie]

Sending you lots of love.

[@amyliataylor]

❤❤❤

[@radicallyalyssa]

You are all so sweet!!! Thank you ❤️

[@sarahgumball8597]

I used to laugh all the time at the WORST times. It was definitely keeping me from crying because I didn’t know how to identify my emotions and I knew if I started crying I would cry and cry and cry and it would be so hard to stop. After meeting my husband and talking to him about all my traumas in life I’ve been able to cry and then feel good after it. Crying is definitely healing and when your in a safe space and started getting better understanding of yourself it could be a helpful key to healing

[@ReAutumn]

I’m sorry but hooking up a few days after a failed wedding is shitty and would make me question the relationship in its whole

[@annettehope2023]

Men and women cope differently. I find men, (not all) but many, will literally immediately run to find a new woman to distract themselves and women tend to go inward and avoid male contact for a time after a break up.

[@EmpressEllie]

I would anecdotally agree with this. It’s what I’ve experienced in my relationships for sure. I once dated someone for 6 weeks and fell deeply in love. He wasn’t ready (his words) and didn’t want the relationship to end or change but he didn’t want to have a girlfriend either, so I walked away, claiming I wasn’t going to wait. I stayed on dating apps (and so did he) but didn’t actually date for a year and a half (while he did). Part of me was sadly waiting for him (while I worked really hard on myself!!) and it wasn’t until I saw him with his girlfriend (now wife) that I was able to even entertain the idea of dating again. Half a year later, I met my sweet partner and 3 years later we have an awesome life and amazing baby. I needed that time to go inward and not date, to heal, do counselling, get active and feel comfortable on my own, to be able to recognize a healthy relationship and not continue to date abusive or unavailable men. I hope that he figured out who he was too… but who knows! I hope he’s happy!

[@StitchetyDoodah]

I have noticed in my 40 plus years on this Earth that men tend to find another female encounter to help with their bruised egos. It gives them a boost and high and sometimes some men need that in order to keep moving forward.

[@Ilikefrogs..]

@@StitchetyDoodah So women focus on healing and becoming better and men go out find a woman they can use to distract themselves instead of processing their breakups. Gross.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

Yeah but I don't think Bartise had to cope. He did not like Nancy

[@kaybmagic12]

Dr. Honda please hurry and get to the juicy part of this episode 🙏🏽

[@STasugx]

Idk why people act as if we’re gonna get the show of a lifetime with Dr Honda and the cuties scene. We know his reaction is going to be objective, methodical, and collected as always. 🤷‍♀️

[@talktalk3]

@@STasugx Yes and THAT'S WHY IT WILL BE GREAT!

[@andra9601]

@@STasugx unlikely to get validation as far as I’m concerned, as Dr. H seemed to have it in for Cole (personally triggered perhaps by him or bias against him??) while giving Zanab all the leeway. I am curious about what he has to say, but not holding my breath.

[@beah4915]

Just a small correction but it’s a stillbirth after 20 weeks. Love your content Dr Honda! Hope you and Stacy are well.

[@julissahernandez8402]

Thank you for mentioning this

[@mariyamak]

Came to say this too. Dr. Honda misspoke, but that's how the erroneous facts about miscarriages and abortions get fodder, so very much worth correcting.

[@Evie534]

8:34: LOVE Dr. Honda’s explanation about moving on and “rules” society sets for the appropriate amount of time to start dating after a relationship has ended. I have an ex who started dating a week after we broke up and at the time I was so hurt wondering how he could possibly do this if he really loved me considering we had been together (off and on) for 6 years. I know he loved me, but had moved on in his head months before we actually broke up. It was a toxic relationship, but the point I’m trying to make is that him dating so soon after we had broken up in and of itself didn’t mean in and of itself that he didn’t love me. Personally, I have a very hard time dating until months and months - even a year - pass after a break up, but this is how I process things. The thought of dating shortly after a breakup nauseates me and disgusts me. I really loved how Dr. Honda described how people process grief in their own way and how others judge those who process grief differently. It really helps me process that part of the relationship ending.

[@MarisolFerreiraMarysoul]

When my beloved father died everybody judged me because in the months after nobody saw me crying, “how could that be? they were so close!”… the thing is I couldn’t deal with the sorrow, I couldn’t handle it, accepting it, so I pushed peed down. Obviously afterwards it started showing ugly in the most unexpected places, like on a supermarket isle, and it would be so paralyzing the crying, the sorrow that it would doubled me down. So yeah, copping can look very different from person to person, but as you’ve said before what it is equal to all, is that what we bottle down will get out at some point if we don’t deal with it… even if we seemed fine for a good while.

[@LK-rt9cb]

I respect Dr H's perspective, but sometimes I think he suspends disbelief a little too much in talking about these contestants and their motivation. When they return to their hometown, they have off-camera time to do whatever they want. Does anyone really think Bartise spent days moping around on his laptop? He probably met the blonde during that period and had great stories to tell about his weird experience. I heard an interview where Brennon said the guys were out, after the official bachelor party, until 4 a.m. Off-camera. Come on. They're being coddled, chauffeured, anticipating the stardom that awaits. And if they're not into their fiance(e), what's holding them back? Sometimes I think treating this show too seriously helps reinforce the propaganda about how everyone is actually in it for love.

[@demJem09]

Have you watched the other 29 vids on this? He repeats his conspiracies around the show, how motivations for fame being present can cause contestants to lie/be disingenuous to extend their screen time...but the point of his videos is that he's assessing ppls psychology, and doing that requires taking the perspective of what the show has edited/believing the words of contestants. He also repeats that theres no way to really know these ppl thru the show alone.

[@dassijes5943]

I disagree with this one. While yes, someone who moves on quickly after a serious relationship is not breaking any ‘rules’ I would like to think that they still have something of a duty of care towards their ex and to their own healing.

[@yesterdayimetj2m926]

The story about the funeral reminds me of "The Giggle Loop" scene from Coupling. It's so interesting and weird how brains process and display emotions. (I also have a friend who calls herself an 'all emotions laughter' because she laughs regardless of the emotion. I've seen her furious, and she's giggling up a storm....)

[@laurajones1218]

Totally agree with you! He doesn't owe anyone anything with his life. His time is his own and why should he be judged for living his life? He wasn't disrespectful or anything.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

Nancy was the one who said that it's over and that she doesn't want to try to date, she said that if they are nit getting married them its done. After that he is allowed to do whatever he wants and meet up with whoever he wants, even the same day at evening. Its understandable that its hurtful to Nancy, but she has no right to expect him to wait a certain amount of time before starting to date. And what time exactly would be right? Week? Month? Year?

[@dawntaylor8749]

Dr. Honda, I agree with you. People break up and casually date on the rebound all the time. I don't understand these hard "rules" either, when the participants sign up for an "experiment." They've only been around each other for what, 6-8 weeks? The circumstances are way different in real life.

[@Sk88p]

I don't think it's a rules thing. Most woman just feel its emotionally odd and insensitive when a man can move on 48 hours after a break up. And is in bed with another woman already.

[@dassijes5943]

You make a false equivalence here between automatic physical responses and deliberate actions. Also, while a variety of coping methods are understandable, they are not all healthy, as you seem to suggest. Especially if they hurt someone else.

[@l.1088]

I do not understand the comparison with the grief story. Laughing at funerals is a common reaction, due to nervousness and emotions rising and lots of stuff. Now, if you were to laugh at everything bad that happens to people without showing remorse or wondering why you do that, it wouldn't have the same connotation. Here, Bartiste is shown from the beginning as a player. He's really into looks, says it even though it might hurt other people. Isn't interesting in someone until he sees she's beautiful and reffers to her as a "smoke show", not even a beautiful human. It's okay to date right after the pods, they don't really know each other, it's a TV show, it's likely he was out of the "relationship" 2 days in. The problem is not the fact that he dated right after, the problem is that he thinks only (or seem to) about himself, and is not able to say "okay, for Nancy that must have been hard. I'm allowed to do that, it's my life, but I can see that it would be hurtful and I'm sorry for that, since I've also not been very nice to you from the beginning". It's just annoying to me like, no there are no rules he's allowed to do that. But why do people forget the pattern that he showed during the show ? It's not a "I'm out of the show so I date someone who matches what I want physically" it's "I've been shallow and not considerate of other people's feeling from the get go, and clearly I didn't learned anything." It doesn't look like grieving, it looks like a pattern he has, and is not getting out of because he clearly didn't learn anything since he's not able to understand why Nancy is upset and goes immediatly to defensive words.

[@nnn9122]

👏👏👏

[@Watchingvids01]

I agree, 3 days or 1 week like it's okay to move on. He didn't even post it, she saw him in someone's story. People can move on and deal differently, I couldn't agree more.

[@kalebhinrichsen5762]

I think the point they were getting at in the reunion was that he was probably waiting, or eager to get out of his Nancy relationship and get with someone else. I totally see this narrative being true

[@Watchingvids01]

@@kalebhinrichsen5762 they should have said that if they meant that

[@mimiad397]

@@kalebhinrichsen5762 buts it's not ad if their relationship was long though. They were "together" for six weeks and if it was draining for both parties (basically a test/experiment) then why wouldn't you be excited to date again after you both decided the experiment failed? 🤔

[@marlynsantos9677]

Yes very true! This felt like all the girls were just stalking each others exes and this came about. They should have addressed the way Bartise treated Nancy while they were together NOT what Bartise did once they were broken up. And no I'm sorry Dr. H if an ex called me up to check on me and give me a heads up he was moving on... that would be so way more painful and then moving on and not knowing. Especially so soon after breaking up.

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

I agree they were social media stalking, didn't they say that it was bartise and the girl in the background of someone else's picture. Like he really was doing the respectful thing and not posting it himself. And I agree, don't call me and tell me about your moving on.. THAT would seem way more like rubbing it in. If we have a good mutual friend I could see the person asking that friend to be the one to let me know you've moved on, so at least you're hearing it from a trusted source. Then again this is all relative.. like if we've only been on three dates.. live your life man. Part of me wonders if that might be part of the disconnect for bartise.. maybe it just wasn't long enough to feel real? Idk this season gives me a headache.. I'll keep watching as long as Dr. Honda keeps reacting but.. oof.

[@marlynsantos9677]

@Rachel Smith Yes! Totally agree. If the person reached out to a mutual friend as a heads up they've moved on but even then I'd probably feel after some time has passed. Yeah I think Bartise lost interest because he seemed to care more what other people thought about his relationship and about how Nancy made him feel rather than actually having feelings for her. And he was going through the motions of the initial excitement and then disconnecting as soon as other people came into the mix.

[@andra9601]

Agreed - After the break up Bartise was/is free to date whoever and he had/has the right not to be subjected to moralistic judgement, lectures and questioning from Alexa and Nancy and whoever else. They can roll their eyes in private but trying to vilify him in public (on public television) based on that photo of him on the socials, is immature and uncalled for. I thought that Nancy was bitter and taking a delusional power trip and that Alexa (as always) should mind her own damn business.

[@Itssssn]

Hello Dr. Honda, Don’t you think that Bartise calling Nancy to caution her of his coping mechanism is sort of like how he told her that Raven was a smoke show? Isn’t it unfair to subject somehow to information that you have a pretty good idea is going to be hurtful to them? She could easily say that he is further hurting her emotionally given how she feels about him.

[@Itssssn]

Also, I’d like to add that I do not think it’s the breaker upper’s duty to inform the breaker uppee of their next actions since there is no longer a relationship that ties the two together, however, if Nancy were to reach out to Bartise after seeing evidence of his coping style then I think due diligence would be for Bartise to explain the reasons underlying his coping style.

[@jsm9792]

The goal is to tell the other person that you feel bad for the breakup and for the way you managed things during the relationship, and then add that part about the distraction and coping mechanism. He is not saying that Bartise should just inform Nancy, it's more about somehow comunicating that he cares or feels bad besides what she might see in social media. I also understand your point of view and I think people aren't used to this style of comunication

[@sunnyblonde93]

I think Nancy would have had issue with that too. Kinda damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Both people are hurt. They’re gonna hurt regardless, even if everything is done “nicely.”

[@Ununpentium]

It's really crazy to see all the girls ganging up on the men. Imagine Zanab being grilled like that for her highly distorted interpretation of reality and her disgusting behaviour at the altar or her social media activities afterwards? Huge bias would ensue.

[@magdalenaea]

I completely agree with the coping mechanism comments. At the same time I don't believe that what's happening with Bartise is a coping mechanism. He was unhappy with his choice from day 1, tried to come up with gazillion fake reasons and drama for why it's a bad match just so he wouldn't look bad on a show and be the bad guy. If anything he's smart enough to avoid being the black sheep of the season.

[@LaLaBlahBlahh]

I think the laughing at a serious event is such an interesting phenomenon. I’ve experienced similar where there was a very weird and kind of incompetent minister doing a friend’s funeral. I kind of justified it to myself afterwards even though I felt horrible for laughing because my friend had such a good sense of humour and totally would have laughed with us if she were there too.

[@StarCrunchy]

Thank you so much for helping point society to recognize different grief. I am one of the 'shut down' people. Even in the worse case, I shut down my emotions and deal with it privately. I couldn't imagine if one of my children were eaten by a dingo, but I would imagine that I would carry on in a strong sense while in society.

[@ridhitaghose9796]

Nancy should have stuck to her own rules about dating younger men. Most boys in their early 20s or mid are going to be like this. Listen to our intuitions girls! They will save heartaches.

[@astridjefferson6797]

I'm interested to see your reaction and opinion to the cuties part at the end of the reunion episode

[@archercandy6122]

What the heck is that laughing thing, because I can relate to the laughing moment Dr. Honda had at the funeral. I remember when I was young around 16, there was a school shooting near me. A lot of my friends went to that school and we all knew people who had been either murdered or injured, and many of us even knew the shooter and his family. I remember going to the school and along the fence they were lining up candles, and gifts, and memorabilia for the lost... my friend and I looked at each other and started laughing. We were literally so overwhelmed. The worst part about it was that it was caught on the news. Us just having a meltdown and laughing TTuTT it was horrifying.

[@michaelcarter577]

"I'm not going to judge you for how you cope with things. But that's fucked up." Huh?

[@CharleyCharlez]

I agree 100%...there is no 'cooling off period' in between relationships. He is free to get with whoever he wants once he is single

[@EnjoyLife-op5rn]

My opinion is that after a breakup, either person is free to date whomever he or she wants. Nancy was wrong to criticize him and he did not need to apologize. She could have dated too, if she wanted to. Alexa's comment is about her being judgmental and arrogant.

[@Charlotte-uq6wf]

Just on the Lindy Chamberlain case. As an Australian I feel as though there are still a lot of feelings around the case. The forensic evidence is very strange and does not strongly a dingo attacking the poor baby. For example, the baby (Azaria) clothes, when found had a slash (not tear) across the throat and yes where found near a dingo den but the jacket was still zipped up and not been torn. Weird. However, I don’t necessarily think Lindy did something to her child. Weird case though anyway you look at it.

[@maggie.1428]

Hi Dr. Honda, I found the part where you talked about people reacting differently after big events to be very interesting. I also have noticed I have to stifle laughter during funerals or sad news and always feel bad about it. I don't know if you planned to react to it, but this conversation made me think of the new Peacock documentary about Casey Anthony. A big part of the reason people believe she killed her daughter is because she went out partying when she was missing. Do you think this could be part of what you are referring to?

[@destinykendall7999]

When my children are getting their shots as babies and I have to hold them down I would find myself starting to laugh and I felt so embarrassed about it because I didn't find it funny at all I just laugh when I'm uncomfortable or upset sometimes and I was just thinking about how the nurse must think im a terrible person

[@RockyDaTherapist]

Didn’t Nancy break up with him? He said no to marriage but wanted to continue the relationship. Nancy said nope if we’re not married it’s over.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

Do you really think he meant it? His reaction this season showed that he wanted out way before the show ended.

[@Kristin_MommyBreakdown]

Wow. So wonderful to hear someone challenge cultural rules. Thank you for the thought-provoking commentary

[@alexdalton4535]

I mean people are "free to do what they want" but it's obviously hurtful to be seen with someone else the day after a breakup..

[@Selenas627]

I don’t think Bartise moved on. he kept calling his relationship with the rebound woman “a way I cope”, not that he met the love of his life. I think bartise did care to an extent for Nancy, and did have some hurt… he could’ve turned to Alcohol, drugs, but he chose sex. He needs help for his own sake. I think people definitely jumped the gun to judge him as a person here where they had no business.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

I think he pretended to like and and never had to cope for anything because he did not like Nancy, but he dors not want to pass for a jerk.

[@mimiad397]

If they were together for a very long time I can understand someone being somewhay upset by seeing the other person move on so soon but Bartise and Nancy were together for 6 weeks (without knowing eachother before that) lol I can imagine wanting to date after that 6 week experiment wouldn't be that hard, it's not as if the person is healing from a 6 year relationship.

[@_crusoe]

Technically it's a short time, but it's also like a normal relationship on steroids. They date intensively, focused solely on conversation and connecting, they vacation together, live together, meet family and friends and prepare for a wedding. It must feel more intense and serious and like much longer than 6 weeks so I can totally understand feeling upset in this situation.

[@mimiad397]

@@_crusoe i don't think anything on that show is like a normal relationship. Sure it might feel serious but I think it's because they are all desperate to get married in short amount of time. They are given a deadline. It's basically just a challenge. They use "love" lightly because they all dream of marriage, nothing more and are desperate to not come out of that experiment empty handed

[@SuperTzeus]

Sorry, but 2 days is not enough time to find, coordinate and have a date after you were in a committed relationship without having “conversations” with that person before hand. To break up with someone and already have a hook up lined up ready to go, specially if that person is unknown is so implausible. I believe that is what most people conclude that he already had inappropriate conversations/relationships prior to the actual hook up.

[@heyjude5027]

7:08 I disagree that Bartise needs to explain a thing to Nancy and sound respectful, considerate or whatsoever, they are done. They can do whatever they wanna do to face their own emotions. Being too considerate or apologetic is sometimes wrong specially at times when you also need to deal with your own emotions . People cope up differently.

[@OohlalaHolly]

Someone died at my job is a very gruesome way, and one of the ppl who saw it happen was laughing hysterically, but it was out of the dramatic event. Ppl respond in many different way to heart ache

[@DodoToutDoux]

Laughing at someone’s gruesome death seems extremely weird and creepy to me. I don’t see how it’s a coping mechanism.

[@nessd.b1223]

Errr no normal person would be laughing at someone's gruesome death.

[@nessd.b1223]

@@DodoToutDoux I agree with you !

[@faithtvonline]

@@DodoToutDoux I honestly think some people literally don't know what to do, so their brand resorts to laughter or some other thing.

[@shescalledirina]

@@DodoToutDoux shock can make you do crazy things, it doesn't just look like freezing up or screaming.

[@maarleyjedermann3174]

The laughing at a funeral thing is definitely not a unique concept. There was a whole episode about "the giggle loop" on a show called Coupling.

[@monauma4450]

I’ve always waited for your commentary about this show, this year especially because I though there is so much to say. Maybe I’m alone in this opinion but I am a bit disappointed in your comments this year. I disagree with some of your statements including some in this episode which usually barely happens. I am also massively disappointment that you didn’t comment parts of the show that I think are important and interesting like for example abortion discission between Nancy and Bartise. I have a feeling that maybe you’re tired of this reality show format and no wonder. It can burn a whole in your brain when you’re constantly watching shows like 90 days fiancé or love is blind. Again, probably I am alone in this opinion or I’m simply not right but maybe it would be a good idea to have a break from this format for a while and come back to it later. *I am a huge fan of Dr. Kirk and he is helping me a lot. I hope you wont treat it as a hate comment, it’s just my opinion.

[@cuppycakesrawrable]

Sometimes in the scale of the show we forget that it really is just a month. Not to say bartise hasn't been pretty unbearable, but them acting surprised that he moved on after dating someone for a month on a reality show could be an overreaction.

[@turnitupwithnelly-2337]

in terms of ethics, I dont agree.

[@EmpressEllie]

Though I understand the two situations are not the same, I wonder how Dr Honda would feel if him and his wife broke up and the next day she posts on her IG pictures with another man… and it turns out they did sleep together. There’s just something that feels so deeply disrespectful about that, to me anyways. Probably because it has happened to me in every past abusive relationship I’ve been in. With my most recent ex, I had to call the police on him and that night (as soon as he was let out) he went out and slept with someone… who I ended up being friends with in the small town we lived in…. So I eventually found out and it was very painful. I was crying all night in pain and he just went out and hooked up with someone. Honestly I think only psychopaths would do that.

[@bubzi91]

The two situations are not the same. Dr Honda and his wife have history, Bartiste and Nancy were not married and knew each other for all of 10 minutes. Now, I will agree people deal with things in different ways. I am not saying what Bartiste did on the show was right, but he declined to marry Nancy. He said no and he went on and lived his life. Nancy’s line of questioning is more questioning herself, did he really care about me and the answer is no. No he did not. And he has been showing that in the entire series.

[@EmpressEllie]

@@bubzi91 I agree with you. The two situations aren’t the same. Editing my comment to reflect that, so I don’t get a ton of similar pushback from other commenters lol.

[@idaalavioon]

I feel like posting dating pictures days after you gilt someone is vulgar and insensitive. I don’t think Bartise has made an effort to shield Nancy’s emotions and I do think this shows a lack of empathy. Bartise often comes off as being insensitive to Nancy as a pattern of behavior, sort of having her feel the full weight of his not being as physically attracted as he would like. I wish Nancy would have said, “it really turns me off to hear you talk about other woman with reverence in comparison to me and truly it has me feeling less physically attracted to you.” I think looking back Nancy will feel that he wasn’t very attractive after he started making comments about her in comparison. Bartise is superficial and immature, but compassion is usually gained through suffering, and Bartise may yet to experience his crucible moment. For me behavior can be super unattractive and Bartise comes off as self-centered. One positive thing from Nancy’s side is that him having a “sex life “ right after is confirmation that he wasn’t right for her. It’s almost like he was so ready to get out there and feel desirable after rejecting Nancy, it just shows how he defines attractiveness.

[@Peeegoska]

I would definitely feel like Bartise was in the wrong if I were Nancy, but thanks to you I am reevaluating that perspective!

[@reflectsonlife]

But even you are making a rule, that you can couple with someone else instantly, but you just have to be considerate about it. That's an arbitrary rule too.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

I think the girls were on his case because they had the feeling he never liked her, which I totally agree with and his behaviour did reinforce that impression. He did not cope because he never had to. It seems he checked out of the relationship long ago but pretended that he was in it.

[@habeashumor9814]

The Giggle Loop.

[@JamieWyatt]

I came to the comments to see if someone else had posted this before I did.

[@habeashumor9814]

@@JamieWyatt I was pretty early 😺

[@rogue_asami4522]

Is it me, or does anyone else feel like that if Bartise had reached out, their reaction wouldn’t have been that different, that they would have lambasted him as doing it to hurt her.

[@sunnypie2]

Good examples and thank you for speaking frankly. Yes, young old in between laugh inappropriately and I can see young guys who aren’t exposed to trauma react like that. It’s so surreal probably. And sometimes one may think they don’t know the child. Because it was a miscarriage. People are insensitive about miscarriages and don’t talk about it because they get reactions like that

[@freefree5453]

Oh my gosh- get to the cuties clip! JK 😂 I have been DYING for you to react to that clip

[@miguelrodriguez4694]

Quit apologizing about offending people. He didn’t owe Nancy anything. The minute he told her no he was a free man and he can hook up with anyone he wants to.

[@_danieladl]

Couldn't remember until this video why I had unsubscribed in the past. Ok. Now I remember. 👍

[@neandergal]

re: laughing at the funeral. Please see the famous "Chuckles The Clown" episode on The Mary Tyler Moore Show!

[@raimeepigsley5140]

The fact that they convicted that woman of her child’s death is gross

[@OohlalaHolly]

I agree w you 100%

[@ShellyManne1]

It’s sad how they all jump in and make the rhetorical question “Who mentioned sex?” Obviously he had a romantic relationship with whomever they are speaking of that weekend and they are painting him in a negative way over it. Now we can discuss if that is a healthy way to deal with the stress of what happened at their wedding but they are trying to publicly shame his character. And I was no fan of him either. But he chooses the word “sex life” to define that weekend with this other woman and the rest of them respond with a war of word soup (semantics). It’s clear to me this season that they are on a power trip to man shame 2 of the 3 men that didn’t marry. Sad. By the way, Nancy did deserve better. I think his age plays into his immaturity. He needs a lot of growing up.

[@mimiad397]

I know it would be less entertaining but I wish instead of these reunions they would have one on one sessions with each couples, perhaps with therapists and relationship experts who analyse all that went on. These reunions (mostly this one) is just annoying to watch when everyone feels the need to get involved or police how people should feel or talk about certain things or "perfect couples" who think they get to have opinions on everyone just because they got lucky.

[@kimeowsky]

i would definitely be a little hurt too, but i wouldn't throw a fit and shame him for it. he did nothing wrong in that situation imo. the reaction gives me a very childish vibe, as in when you are very young you only really see things from your perspective and fail to realize that everyone else has their own perspectives too

[@sagqueen1984]

If you break up your are free to do whatever you want. Everyone needs to mind their own business. Bartise is a a grown man.

[@garbiegirl]

Can you please react to My Unorthodox Life? (specifically the mother in relation to the oldest and youngest child)

[@Xxbubbly10]

I went to my friend funeral who died of a od and me and my friend just started laughing and crying at the same time it was weird and was uncomfortable and uncomfortable

[@Xxbubbly10]

It was before the service started

[@evie3148]

Great reaction! Since you brought up the laughing while uncomfortable you should check out clips of Khloe Kardashian.

[@2stayweird]

Yeah it's weird watching this show as a non-monogamous person. Because if my relationship ended and my ex sought comfort with another partner, that's like... normal? Hell, I'd do that if I ever had more than 1 partner at a time, haha. And if you're the one who ends the relationship (which Nancy was IMO, since she literally said, "it's black and white for me; you said no, we're done") you kinda waive the right to be jealous or judgmental about how the other person grieves the relationship.

[@thehibernatingturtle4016]

I totally get you. I'm an ENM person and it's so weird to watch shows like this sometimes. The jealousy and ownership of other people is not my jam.

[@landothemantho]

I think it’s different for these people because you could of been talking to someone or had FWB before the show so if something goes wrong they might go to someone they know. But of course in the real world you’re not gonna get engaged to someone if you got a back up plans so just different situations

[@craftjoy6712]

I get that being on the internet you will get undeserved backlash. That must be realy frightening sometimes. But i don't think you can avoid it. Because independent of the message you are trying to send, it's to the listener to digest and interpret it. So in therapy you will have or get a good idea who your listener is and be able to adjust your message to fit that listener. On the internet you do not have that control. Someone can complety misread your message and it will not be your fault. If you watch people you need to tune in to whatever your needs are and seek those people out who you click with. Much like looking for a therapist that fits you. So i think you should not worry about the people that dont take your message well. It's their choice to watch you and are able to stop watching you at any time. That is in their control, not yours. There will never be 100% of the viewers happy with what you say. But that's no reason to attack you. I'm sorry that happens to you. I hope you will recognize that the problem is not yours but theirs. Take care of yourself. You deserve it. You realy realy do.

[@Watchingvids01]

if he had contacted her the narrative would have been he's an a-hole

[@lesliec8267]

I think Bartise was lying to himself throughout the whole experience. I can see he was feeling guilty for how he was being portrayed. It's fine if that's who he is just own up to it. I'm learning about myself everyday in my relationship. I'm learning to be a better person.

[@mferrariish]

Wonder what you think about the Casey Anthony case?

[@lailaalanna315]

Wish that Cole had half the balls that Bartise does. They needed a dressing down for ganging up on Cole 😢

[@alght7]

Does he mean stillbirth not miscarriage?

[@secorapickett3358]

Think you were too easy on Bartise. His actions and word didn't align. And the fact that when it's brought up he's asserting and defending his "sex life" trying to inadvertently say "Yes, we went all the way." No one cared. They were just saying you said and acted like you were so committed--while shitting on her and her looks. And then publicly rejected her. To follow that up with a public display of who else you can bag. No one cares about how quickly he moves on, it's his reckless parade they don't like.

[@tinylama]

wannabe kardashian alexa and doormat brennon is the worst couple this show has ever created

[@leono7380]

The rules that apply here are manners. He said NO at the altar, although the same morning he told her he would say yes. Then he meets ONE day after with another woman and posts it on Instagram. (You don't know much about manners, do you?).

[@asliyase]

fyi that's called stillbirth not miscarriage at that point

[@blakemoon2123]

Enjoying any video that gives us a break from Angela and Michael…. Tbh

[@da31133]

I hate that so much like please i cant control what my body does sometimes, i smile and laugh in bad situations and i cant help it, also i hate how ppl think just cos majority believes something it makes it ok. He cant do whatever he wants and no on can say its wrong if they agreed to part ways. Also i would HATE HATE HATE if my ex called me to tell me they were seeing someone. I dont wanna hear from you, i dont wanna see you, i literally want you gone so i can move on otherwise youre just hurting me. Youre just making it worse.

[@kaylove4507]

I said it before I say it again Nancy should have gotten with Andrew Andrew is the Asian guy that showed her interest from the beginning! My opinion Andrew with more sincere he was cute I believe his line of work was business consultation so I'm not sure if he was super successful but I'm pretty sure he could earn a decent living! Bartis is way too heavy into appearances to the point where it's very childish because and nowhere is Nancy a bad looking woman at all. She is equally as attractive as Robin. The bottom line is Nancy girl you should have chose Andrew! He was closer to her age too

[@unicornL]

I didn't mind what Bartise did, I just didn't like the way he handled it.

[@nanablooms]

Great episode ☺️