Love Is Blind S3 #4 - (Silent Treatment) - Therapist Reacts

[@JJ-ry8mn]

As an insecure person, one of the best decisions I ever made was to learn to not take other people's moods, real or imagined, personally. I didn't realize how much stress I accumulated by making every tense silence or social hiccup my responsibility until I stopped doing it.

[@tengenforger4944]

Every interaction we have is personal. People react to different people in different ways

[@amandastoker1726]

I need to learn how to do that.

[@sarahsmith3682]

Exactly this.

[@JJ-ry8mn]

@@tengenforger4944 Interaction's may be personal, but you don't have to absorb other people's feelings and let them affect how you feel about yourself.

[@carr0760]

One of my own therapists called this negative fortune telling. She always said that "the antidote to negative fortune telling is to have the conversation."

[@ashelliot8895]

There's no higher speed than the speed of Dr. Kirk's fingers to stop the video when he hears "as a woman" or "as a man" lol

[@katehawk8829]

and we love that about him 😂

[@alaricmckenzie-boone2502]

I do this to my friends now. My friend said I told a story poorly, and then another friend tried to blame it on me being a man. Immediately I was like “I don’t think it’s gendered” 😂

[@abbys.9233]

Haha, yes, I thought about Dr. Honda whenever someone on the show said those phrases.

[@myra3266]

Lololol

[@darter81]

He is still easily triggered after having to sit through the Advanced Bullshit seminar from Ash Academy.

[@michaelcarter577]

Zay needs a lot of help, but not as much help as Matt does. Matt should be seeing a therapist because he's totally not over his divorce and I'm not sure he's emotionally ready for a long term relationship.

[@liannna212]

I think he can turn abusive if he won't get help. He already has put Colleen thru some emotional distress. I have not watched the second batch of episodes but it showed on the begging that something is really off with him..

[@Partycitybaex]

I think zanab should just be with Matt and Colleen with cole

[@QurVgn]

@@Partycitybaex Except Cole Specifically doesn’t want a shallow relationship - unlike Colleen. They had that conversation, so… 🤷‍♀️

[@shescalledirina]

Oh yes, Matt is scary...!

[@RustySpoons6490]

I agree…the look Matt gave Colleen during their argument when he said, _”I’m done bro.”_ then smiled and chuckled…. Looked like a sneak peek at the beginnings of abuse. He’s definitely not over the cheating and divorce.

[@oshibo]

I was waiting for this vid all morning. I felt bad for zanab a lot throughout the series. It's sad to watch someone kinda self sabotage like this when you know they just want to be loved and have gone through a lot of trauma. Later when they show her stepmom who raised her, her stepmom is so soft, understanding and caring. Seeing her stepmom act so differently than her reinforces how much zanabs attitude is a manifestation of her trauma instead of mimicking the people she was raised by. Just wish she would let herself be loved

[@oshibo]

Cole's actions definitely don't help tho especially around the colleen drama 🤢

[@lez2884]

I agree it really changed her attitude towards him. He tried everything to convince her he finds her attractive don't think she could get pass it. I think he really want to marry her but she was too hurt from past traumas to accept it. I was rooting for them.

[@bobefff]

@@sierranyokka8435 agreed, she definitely has the ability to self reflect and she may have trauma and negative aspects but doesn't everyone? He doesn't seem to be able to self reflect easily.

[@candycakeshake]

Didn’t she lose both her parents at a fairly young age?

[@oshibo]

@@candycakeshake yes

[@mmg8830]

This is like free therapy because i get to reflect on my own patters

[@kjgaia]

I relate to Z about how she felt in the morning. I *love* when my husband wakes me up with cuddling, but he rarely does it - both due to our schedules and he's also a morning person. Z is not communicating her needs effectively, being passive aggressive will not help Cole understand her. She needs to ask him for the affection she wants. She is standing in her own way when it comes to having a nice morning.

[@elisabeverari]

This!

[@melissadufour8549]

Yes! Exactly! When she complained about the fact that he didnt cuddle and make breakfast in bed I was like... Well you neither 😅

[@STasugx]

At first I thought Cole would be the only reason for the demise of their relationship with his no-filter mouth and inappropriate interactions with Colleen. But after watching the final scene, Zanab is clearly the one who needs the most help. What she did to him was flat out cruel and borderline abusive. She may have dead biological parents and had other things happen to her, but none of that excuses her behavior. And NONE of that excuses the fact that she humiliated him.

[@kl6902]

She’s just a cruel, mean, sadistic, narcissistic asshole and no amount of excuses or immature behavior from Cole excuses it. I can’t even with her. It’s just, ew.

[@BeeSugar1]

Correct. She's a liar and generally a horrible person

[@LysetteOne]

Zanab was abusive towards Cole. Not borderline. All in. Her behavior was vindictive and toxic.

[@zahararay5611]

I love the examples Dr. K gives about how to be vulnerable. I alway read/hear you have to be ‘vulnerable’. As a person who was raised to suppress my sad or negative feelings, I didn’t know what vulnerability looked or sounded like. These are some of the best examples I’ve seen/heard. I like how he’s giving examples for every time they could have used it in their communication. This video is so valuable to me. ❤

[@emmadear3276]

By the end Raven and Sk actually ended up being one of my favorite couples I think you can really see through the season she develops strong feelings for him

[@tanyah6184]

I like what happened at the end between them. I think it was the best decision

[@reyesy25]

Same, I think my first opinion of her was heavily influenced by the show's editing. But by the end you can see that they weren't shown as much because they had no drama.

[@LaLaBlahBlahh]

Yeah me too! I was surprised. Although, some of her recent tik toks are questionable

[@agirlasleep]

I wonder if people with an avoidant attachment style have an easier time with love is blind because the pods provide a degree of separation? Do they find it easier to open up without being directly in front of the person they are being vulnerable with?

[@Gchili]

Yes. That's me. Just enough distance. I used to be married and my husband was gone often overseas often and those were the best times in our relationship 😬

[@Sailorshayna]

“Jerk face” is one of my favourite insults now haha

[@QurVgn]

What about those of us who have ‘Resting Jerk Face’! 😱🫣😂

[@mackenzie530]

I cant wait to hear your thoughts on the orange drama from the update at the end of the season. I think its really telling of how things were really misinterpreted throughout the season.

[@lifeofmimi8912]

Yes I can’t wait to see his reaction to that conversation. It was completely misinterpreted in my opinion. I feel bad with how badly he was treated.

[@Sunnyday069]

Absolutely! Shows that her incoming filter is skewed. So many times this happened throughout the season.

[@coreybrownCYoBrown]

Nah.. I think ppl who don’t understand are falling victim to socialization to demonizing aggressive women.

[@MeghanGraceDIY]

I identify very hard with Raven. I have an avoidant attachment style and it took such a long time to put words to how I felt when someone expresses a romantic interest in me. I would literally want to throw up and start panicking. It comes back to my family not being affectionate, I grew up with a mother with brain damage and a father who passed from alcoholism when I was in HS. It’s a very very strange feeling not being able to express love to someone else. I’m lucky that through ALOT of therapy and frankly just meeting the right person who took it very very slow (we didn’t say I love you until 18 months of dating) I was able to over come some thing. It’s still hard. Sometimes I need space. But I’m glad I found someone that love works with because I felt broken for a very long time.

[@anonuniversal364]

Aw, thanks for sharing. This gives me a lot of hope 😊

[@marrissacooper4803]

This made me feel so validated

[@rhutson85]

❤

[@lashay7684]

im the same but its not because of my upringing. my parents are nice and affectionte to eachother to the point it makes me vringe lol. for me its because realtionships are too stressfull. theyre too much work for me and i feel like my robotic brain does not have the hardware for that. i cant read peoples minds, i feel like i have to entertain someone to show that im interested and overall it just feels like ive been thrown into a pit of anxiety. or more like walking up the mount everest of anxiety.

[@missmaex3]

Zanab has major relational trauma of the loss of both of her parents!! She's therefore hypervigilant of his mannerisms and moods.

[@utubeiwatch]

"Is he being a jerk face? Is she being oversensitive?" The answer is always yes with these two.

[@vajolinda]

Cole and Zanab seemed like a classic underfunctioning - overfunctioning couple. Their interactions were nails-on-chalk-board

[@andedom]

That’s definitely a big part of their dynamic. I don’t think Cole is that much of an underfunctioner but I think that Zanab wants to feel more mature and intelligent than him so she constantly puts him down (which is classic for an over functioner)

[@vajolinda]

@@andedom interesting. I definitely agree that Zanab tends to criticize him a lot. The reason why I think that Cole is an underfunctioner is because he is so unable to take care of himself when it comes to cooking and cleaning. And I think his incompetence invites people to take care of him.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

​@@andedom yeah, for me it looks like she is trying to push him into that position, and at least for now, he is still trying to fight it.

[@andedom]

@@vajolinda you could be right. But he could also just be messy. I doubt that he’s an severe underfunctioner though because he pushes back fairly effectively when she belittles him. I could be viewing the situation totally wrong though. Their relationship is kinda a train wreck so it’s hard to keep track of what’s happening

[@andedom]

@@Ola_Stawinska agreed

[@bernieheartdragon1888]

I'm glad you brought this part up. When he asked her if she still cares about him I remember thinking that if I was in that situation I would stop what I'm doing, look him in his eyes and ask him where that was coming from. And want to know what I might be doing to make him feel insecure or unloved. This part just made me mad. :(

[@TheSnoopy95ify]

I really love how much you upload. thank you for multiple videos in a day! Love watching your videos.

[@purplefiggs]

Great commentary! Importance of communication 👏🏼 I remember feeling hurt because my partner wasn’t the most cuddly in the morning during the beginning of our relationship either.. until I brought up how I felt and he admitted he always felt nervous about bad/morning breath..! Understandable ! And haha then easy for me to reassure about how there was no need to be nervous! Communication is so vital !

[@taranrandhawa5638]

Dr. Honda saw it coming. He is so good at what he does. He was telling all along that Zanab has issues, and now after watching the last season, it breaks my heart looking at Cole crying his heart out, apologizing for something he did not do.

[@lifeofmimi8912]

He was treated very unfairly. It was hard to watch.

[@Sunnyday069]

Agreed. I felt so bad for him. He was open and brave but young and a bit immature but only in certain aspects. I thought she was awful.

[@tulip5210]

Now I wonder if she is a fearful avoidant

[@janice7618]

I’m still stuck on Dr. Kirk casually slipping in that he’s in his 50s - this man looks like he’s 35.

[@ayannasmart2611]

I was waiting for this comment - where is the skincare routine, Dr Honda?

[@sincerelykayyy]

Wow! You described me to a T with the avoidant personality. I took a screen grab of your analysis so I can reflect and talk to my own therapist about this. Thank you!!!!

[@flufftronable]

I also think that a conversation should be had around people professing love to complete strangers

[@pinksalmon9882]

That’s how I felt when they constantly said I love you after only a couple of weeks. You can’t love someone so fast

[@hannalowercase5928]

@@pinksalmon9882 you're in an intense experience, getting to know someone for most of your day i'd assume, it's not just casual dating

[@jesss8060]

@@hannalowercase5928 regardless of the intensity of the experience it’s not normal to love someone you haven’t even met in such a short space or time. Yes there’s exceptions however not all cases are exceptions

[@therabbithat]

yeah... it's a little bit culty! "Sounds like a cult" did an episode on the Bachellor and it sounds like the producers seem to be trying to create some sort of trauma bonding.. not sure if that is the right word, but something similar

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

I thought when Cole said "I'll tell you later" it came off as him wanting to wait until the cameras were gone. But that was just how I read it.

[@Wickedlittlesimmer]

I pray that Dr Kirk will be massively famous one day because he deserves it and everyone in the world deserves to know of him as well

[@LittlePenguinHouse]

Cole dragged that relationship on his shoulders with his undying positivity and willingness to learn how to love and stay open. Unfortunately Zanab is deeply deeply hurt , and hurt people hurt people. She whether consciously or subconsciously wanted to hurt him because she blames people for her feeling insecure in a relationship, she tries to understand it but only comes up with one answer: something is wrong with others because I’m too scared to admit that something might be wrong with me. If I do admit it, means I have to face so much pain that she quite clearly tries to mask and hide even though it is so huge it hurts her on the daily

[@tulip5210]

☝️

[@BirdieGoBoom]

I am coming back to watch these videos after finishing the season, and man oh man. What a ride. Love hearing Dr. Honda's analysis with the benefit of knowing how things end.

[@Dragonpuncher123]

Interesting to see how hostile Zanab was towards Cole from day 1.

[@Mandy3141]

I can see myself in her. I reject people when I feel they reject me, but most of the time that's not what's really going on. I'm so terrified of being rejected by the people I love that anything could feel like rejection to me. When I feel that way, I also become angry at them and immediately shut off, because I feel I want to punish them. They don't even understand what's going.

[@SmellyDogPaws]

I am a morning person and I cannot lay in bed and cuddle much. Once I’m awake, I’m up and moving. I get up, do some chores, make the coffee, feed the dogs and let them out, etc. My partner loves to stay in bed and cuddle all morning. At first it made him worried that I didn’t stay and cuddle, but now we’ve got a system where I’ll get up, do most of the stuff and then bring him coffee and spend coffee time together in bed. I’ll also stop in and give him hugs between chores. Some people just can’t stay in bed long but it doesn’t mean anything is wrong. If both parties are flexible you can adjust these things over time and it’s all good.

[@Fluffy288]

I really want to love Zanab and be understanding about that's just the way she talks but I can't get over her passive aggressiveness.

[@Malrie]

Ahh yes, I did relate to Raven as I thought she showed signs of avoidant attachment. Many of the behaviours you touched on were true for me. I’m so happy I connected with a therapist who was able to help me work through it! I’m still avoidant but I’m aware of it and able to be more vulnerable. Also helps that my husband is avoidant because we really understand each other LoL

[@Hireiuta]

I had a notion that Raven is neurodivergent - she's very busy, constantly going and moving and full of restless energy. She was doing a routine during both of Bartise and SK's vulnerable moments, so it might SEEM like she doesn't care but maybe casual workouts help her focus (kinda like how kids who doodle in class get accused of not paying attention but they ace their tests). Or maybe she was nervous and trying to calm down - some people bite their nails, Raven does jumping jacks. She also really likes her life a certain way (work/routine/individuality), has a little trouble with social cues, has her dedicated special interest (exercise), and is slow to warm up to others.

[@therabbithat]

That's an exercise addict feature too, and it's a disordered eating feature as well. I don't see anything else ND in her at all. But it is worth pointing out that some people who are moving while you are talking are actually listening very carefully.. I just think we have lots of evidence it wasn't true of her with Bartisse

[@yoyoyo5621]

As I get older I really realize low self esteem and insecurity makes people so unattractive even when they are the most beautiful, most successful people. You just feel drained around the negative energy they project. I had a friend like this she was so successful and had so much going for herself but omg i just couldnt be around all that self pity and negativity 24/7 it was draining. When people have high self esteem and are secure in themselves they are just so attractive and you want to be around their positive happy energy. Even when theyre not that physically beautiful or successful or whatever it makes them so attractive

[@ooanari]

Oh my gosh.. I was there with my boyfriend for a year. We saw waking up so differently and I could not understand him wanting to let me sleep (which I think might've also been him wanting his alone time first thing), and not cuddle and wake me up, too. It seems so weird to say that, but that's how I thought about it for about a whole year.

[@table4glasses]

See and I would be so grouchy if my fiance woke me up! My whole thing is "if you love me, let me sleep." 😂 Everyone is so different, that's why good communication is important!

[@NicoleArata.artworks]

Kirk when I watched this on my own and she said “it’s a woman thing to feel insecure about this” I thought “it’s a human thing actually” bc I’ve watched you!! Thank you 💜

[@rociosegura6091]

I can't wait for your analysis on Matt

[@TomeWorm]

My understanding is that they filmed the pods for Season 3 (Dallas) the week after they filmed the pods for Season 2 (Chicago).

[@TeresaMarie_]

Thank you! This is the first analysis of this couple that I've listened to that actually commented on Cole's behavior in a way that feels thought out and not just "Oh poor Cole, Zanab was so mean to him." You pointed out reasons both people were fueling their combined miscommunication. As someone who often overthinks without bringing up my reasons for overthinking to my fiancé, I definitely saw things more from Zanab's perspective. You have shown both sides well amd actually give examples of what they could have done instead and I find that incredibly helpful! Thank you!

[@solongmari]

So nice to see about avoidment attachment. I'm like that and I'm working on it. Personally, SK and Raven are my favourite couple this season. ❤️

[@mygrinningcat]

Still hypothesing that what connected them are the churchy vibes. But these conversations are not shown by Netflix. So we're all just get to be confused about their "connection".

[@paf2587]

You might be on to something. It pops up in my mind a bit too.

[@irenalovesart4064]

1st. I'm Australian and it's Crocodile Dundee is all the time lol! 2nd if these folks could do the great communications you suggest they wouldn't need to look for love on TV! Even for therapists this level of self awareness takes years and intentional action. Great advice.

[@gusbus9000]

Thank you about your Crocodile Dundee comment!!! Sure Zanab is more mature but she's not a full generation older than Cole. She acts like she's a spinster but that's only the case in comparision with sophomoric Cole who would feel right at home as Van Wilder.

[@hollyblair5778]

Omg Dr. Honda summarizing several of my relationships 😅. Me avoidant, them preoccupied, but I always believed them when they would blame me and act hostile because of their insecurities... This whole breakdown is so so so helpful. 💞

[@abbys.9233]

I wonder if Cole wanted to talk about it later because he was proposing talking about it when the cameras were not there.

[@hannahanderson3889]

Your videos are always great and informative, but analyzing the interactions between Cole and Zanab was particularly helpful for me! Thanks Dr. Honda!

[@sydsivo]

I am a lot like Zanab in terms of overthinking every interaction with the person I love. I do a lot of projecting, whether if it's my feelings onto to someone else or my opinions onto a situation that is blown into proportions. Zanab had a very hard life growing up, but there needs to be a time when she is willing to have someone else walking beside her in marriage, especially when she says that she is ready for it. I grew up with very passive aggressive parents who were cold and aloof throughout my childhood. Now that I am getting married, they want to spend as much time with me as possible before I "leave them forever." This is very strange to me and every single time they offer, all I can think about is how they treated me in the past and I can't get over it. But, it is something I must learn to do because, hey, I'm not an easy person to love and having a relationship with my family is important. How is this connected? Zanab is very guarded and uses her words as a weapon against Cole, especially when she feels he isn't into her. He makes every effort, and I mean EVERY EFFORT, to show her that he loves her, even after the Colleen debacle (which is nothing compared to last season's Mal/Sal and Iyanna/Jarrett drama). Cole is a communicator with massive golden retriever energy and Zanab is like a cat, comfortable in herself, but uncomfortable with expressing herself to the man she loves. I've been resonating a lot with how she interacts with Cole because I realize that I treat my fiance the same way... My poor man, always having to pick up the pieces of my fractured perspectives of other people, especially him. But, that is why I need my fiance, who is a lot like Cole. Someone who will not run from my hostility, but who will fight through my anxieties and insecurities with me and who will reassure me that he loves me. 🥰 Sorry for the essay, but I think many people want to pick sides between Cole and Zanab, but marriage doesn't work that way. If neither are willing to empathize with the other, then they aren't ready for marriage. And as a Christian, too, we aren't perfect. We make mistakes and get passive aggressive and defensive. Marriage is meant to be sacred, but in today's society, marriage tends to be conditional rather than a covenant between two people. So, watching the real struggles between Cole and Zanab (who both admit to loving God) and seeing how people are responding insensitively to them is hurtful... Just like Dr. Honda, I'm rooting for them! I hope it works out!

[@reyesy25]

I'm rooting for them too! I think if they improve in their communication they really could help each other in being better human beings and actually being happy. And you deserve happiness as well, I'm glad you are able to recognize yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. Best wishes to you and your fiance. :)

[@Mandy3141]

I feel the same

[@therabbithat]

I don't think she's overthinking.. I think she is picking up on something real and he's in denial. Right from their first kiss he seemed *intensely* uncomfortable. I don't understand why he is so determined to convince himself that everything is fine... except that, total speculation, he is classic 1920's self-hating closeted Gay guy, in complete denial looking for that one perfect woman, because that's what it is, right? It's that he hasn't found the perfect woman yet.. right? it's not that he's gay.. no way José... He's just waiting for his Clara Bow

[@rethinkcps2116]

TLDR

[@girlnettles]

6:14 There are currently studies being done on people who are specifically mixed black and white. There is a difference between mixed people who have black dads and the ones who have white dads. For some reason, the pairings between black women and white men are the least likely to end in divorce. But the pairings between white women and black men have the HIGHEST divorce rates or no marriage occurs at all. Black men are also most likely to be absent leaving the burden of representing both races to the white mom. Basically what people are finding are that mixed children with black moms are better adjusted. Mixed kids with a white mom and a black dad usually have self esteem issues, identity issues, etc I watched dozens of TikToks from mixed women crying and saying “STOP MAKING US”. They realize that a lot of times black men choose white women in order to escape “blackness”. Not because of compatibility with the white woman. And the mixed children can see that their black dad has an unconscious issue with blackness. The child can’t go to their white mom to learn blackness, and they can’t to their black father who is actively trying to attain whiteness. That child has no choice but to default to whiteness, and sometimes that causes cognitive dissonance. For some reason, black moms are usually better at styling black and mixed hair textures, they know what lotions to use and are better equipped to reassure blackness and also whiteness. Mixed kids with black moms get the soul food, hair, style, dance and music in the home, but also have the white dad who will give them confidence, power, financial literacy, etc. Having both of those dynamics gives the mixed child the tools to be well adjusted. Raven has a white mom and an absent black dad. I can imagine a bit of coldness, walking on eggshells or a bit of “not knowing what to do with” coming from her white family who had to raise her with no help from her dad. Raven strikes me as someone who has always gotten attention for her exotic looks but has always wanted to “normal” or completely white. She could never be normal, so she leaned into her looks and working out 🤷🏾‍♀️. She got black friends to fill in the gaps, and now a black husband might fill the void she’s been missing. Idk, just guessing.

[@o.fr.8044]

Very well said .

[@meli7315]

Makes sense

[@Shashapartytime120]

HAHAHAHHA "IN THE WILD" XD. I cannot wait for more videoss!!!

[@nanablooms]

Excellent episode. So many helpful roleplay examples ☺️

[@cmarie1209]

I’m learning so much from these videos that I could apply to my own relationships. If schools taught this stuff, it would have saved me a lot of heartache 😂

[@Molly-iw1rc]

Remember Dr. Honda isn't diagnosing anyone or trying to diagnose anyone, he is just using these people as like case studies ,almost based on the limited information he has, to talk about psychology. Please don't attempt to diagnose or label people based on their appearances on reality TV. I just see a lot of comments that seem to be trying to seriously psycho-analyze these people.

[@melissachinnici]

God this reminds me of when I would get up early to do school work while my bf at the time was still sleeping. And if I didn't greet him or signal good morning in the middle of me working he would get so upset and think I was ignoring him on purpose.

[@raspberrykissable]

Well different people need different needs I always greet or acknowledge someone no matter what because it’s important to me. If you are with someone abusive than that’s a different story but there is nothing wrong with showing a little affection even when busy.

[@melissachinnici]

@@raspberrykissable oh yeah and I get that, but resolved their needs were too much for me. If it wasn't a greeting to their liking they were not nice about it, either. Just met with hostility about how I am cold and rude. That was just the tip of the iceberg.

[@raspberrykissable]

@@melissachinnici oh yeah that’s very wrong! If there is a need it’s needs to be communicated with respect. I am glad you decided it wasn’t for you.

[@gabigoszczynska8153]

I wish the couples on the show had some time to talk to you so they could have a chance at improving their relationship!

[@solangevauclin4545]

Poor Cole..she was hostile from day 1..

[@Partycitybaex]

Ooo Dr. Honda, after you see the episode where they meet the other couples, you won’t root for Nancy and bartise anymore.

[@h3tur]

right

[@diyannastar90]

I'm really interested what your opinion about their wedding and reunion

[@Angela-pc9zb]

Cole comes across as a fun, playful, and loving guy. Zay comes across as way too serious, snobbish and rude. The two should have never been together. Cole needs someone who can laugh at his jokes as well as his silly behavior. For me, Cole is like someone who is full of life while Zay is a dark cloud of doom that will drown out any sun trying to shine. Hope both of them can find better partners. Good luck to them.

[@AliveBoldTV]

I’m only like episode 4, but I think Cole came off like a child to me when he walked behind Z and asked “you still like me right?” He’s being vulnerable. they’re both insecure & it’s a classic clash. Her saying it’s a different side of him is quite strange because they don’t actually know eachother yet. The joys of the beginning is getting to know the person

[@bobefff]

just you wait 🙃😂

[@AliveBoldTV]

@@bobefff LOL Oh God, let me hurry and finish! hahah

[@jr6999]

I was going to comment the same thing about him acting like a child . Also did you see the reunion as it showed a bunch of stuff he said to her that wasn’t in camera .

[@AliveBoldTV]

@@jr6999 yeah I ended up having more empathy for him in the end because I feel like they were clashing in ways that were very unhealthy and often unfair toward him

[@mariemoncada6980]

Most people would rather chop off their arm than admit they are not attracted to you.

[@abbys.9233]

Excellent analysis Dr. Kirk.

[@liannna212]

1 seems like Zhaneb has an extremely low self-esteem. But Cole seems to be very superficial so that no make up reaction was quite off too.. But yeah she has issues for sure. 2. I was curious what Dr Kirk will say about Raven. I thought she might be avoidant. I am surprised with the full explanation what avoidant is tbh. I am one for sure and my therapist told me that but I don't see myself fully in that description. 3. I cannot wait for the closer analysis of Matt . To me he is a potential abuser .I wonder if my gut feeling is right

[@liannna212]

4. I really wish people stop using word couger. Sounds like a harmless joke but it comes from a very dark misogynistic and ageist place. People have a right to be sexual at any age

[@268anita]

@@liannna212 yes! And if the genders were reversed it probably would never come up!

[@linabella1218]

@@sierranyokka8435 he is still a child. Yes maybe their age gap isn't so big but I am 29 and it's so cringy for me when I watch Cole's behaviour. I think Zanab deserves a lot more and yes comments like "you look so different without make up" in the way Cole is commenting are just inappropriate.

[@heftyhefty_]

I’m in the terrible morning mood camp lol. Alexa asked me the other morning if I wanted to hear some words of affirmation and I basically told her to shut the hell up lol. My husband just laughs and is like “Alexa doesn’t know who she’s talking to”. 😂 I definitely think mornings are something you really have to know the person to truly judge their mood. My husband gets up at five and goes to the gym. Doesn’t wake me or talk to me because he also knows I hate mornings. No feelings hurt we just have our own method of greeting the day.

[@alexdalton4535]

zanab reminds me a lot of me, she clearly has a lot of relational traumas to work through

[@jasmincastillo8686]

It seems like they just keep clashing. I wish the show provided couples counsellors for the cast because if I were marrying someone I just met I know I would definitely be involving a professional to help us with any missteps! Haha not that I would ever do this 😬dr Honda, would you consider reacting to the new Selena Gomez doc My Mind & Me? It shows her journey with her physical and mental health over the years

[@Catsheal]

I’ve learned so much from watching these videos. The interaction where Dr. Honda said it was kind of hostile, to me because of what I grew up with, that interaction was best case scenario

[@ooanari]

Hahaha "in the wild" This reaction reminds me too much of how my own relationship has gotten to a very rough point. Man... wish I had seen all of this back at the very beginning.. or even a couple years ago.

[@acsingleton1]

OMG… I appreciate him putting a name to my personality type. I’m 100% avoidant. And for all the reasons he laid out… emotional neglect from father. Depressed mother. And now here I am completely and totally afraid to have anything w any person. It literally makes me anxious just the thought of it. I’m so quick to reject a guy. And I had a lot of surface level relationships in college. Wow. Just Wow.

[@carr0760]

The first Crocodile Dundee movie was 1986, before either of them were born, but the 3rd one was 2001, which would have been when she was around 10. There was also apparently a 4th one in 2020.

[@Ununpentium]

It's really interesting what you had to say about Raven. My last girlfriend was very much like her. (If you are into MBTI, I'm pretty sure Raven is ENTJ as well). These types are very prone to being emotionally distant, but the background about how they could get avoidant was very interesting. I had the feeling I never got to really know her, even after 1,5 years.

[@kaylastarr7863]

I got a very different read of Raven by the end. She's very emotionally expressive

[@jennifervosler91]

Your thumbnails for videos changed looks nice.

[@fp1912]

Can you please talk more about people avoidant attachment who are also preoccupied… that’s me

[@catrinaandrade9814]

Whoa did you just say that you were in your 50s??? Where???

[@KZesty]

This is very helpful for me to explore because I tend to do this with my husband and fill in the normal gaps with "if he's not giving me 100% attention right now, he must be upset or not love me" and am looking forward to getting better with that so our relationship is the best it can be!

[@lanagustafson2905]

I consider myself avoidant attached and I’m very skeptical of people who develop feelings quickly so I don’t do well with pursuers

[@erikablue3757]

I absolutely don't think you meant it this way, but I could see someone taking it this way so I thought I'd bring it to your attention in case it warrants a correction. Around 19:33 you said "If your partner has empathy and has any kind of feelings for you at all, they will step into that space and try to help you with it." As someone who has a partner who isn't always capable of that and often doesn't step into that space when anxiety and fear are expressed -- but I know he wants to and just can't sometimes -- in my worst moments, if I'd heard you say something like that, I could see myself finding it as confirmation that he doesn't really love me. I know that's not true and I don't think you literally meant if they don't do that, it definitely means they don't love the other person. Right?

[@emanx222]

Dr Kirk, 50? Gahd dayum! Looking good sir! Love this content and following along. Been a fan since your 90day vids

[@peaches1535]

Wow as someone with avoidant traits you explained it so WELL. I struggle with my bf who I love so much but these struggles you explained that raven has are exactly that. It sucks to deal with it

[@laursouth52]

Everything always seems so nice as first sigh 😔 I agree with some comments you made I think on the last episode where you said it would be nice if we could just see them all work out I would really actually like to see that

[@NawiTheCore]

This is just the tip of the iceberg of the mystery that's Cole and Zanab's relationship. I think Cole is a little bit childish and immature, but Zanab is insufferable. Her constant passive-aggressive remarks, the lack of emotion, her condescending attitude... It's a lot. I could NOT be with someone like her. I'd drive me insane.

[@Ness0495]

Love this series!

[@andedom]

Meh, this season really isn’t doing it for me. The people on the show seem to have lower emotional intelligence and intimacy than previous seasons so it makes it harder to watch. Seems more like the ultimatum than LIB.

[@Ness0495]

@@andedom yeah no the season isn’t that good but I just like his analysis. Especially how hectic this season gets, I’m curious to hear his thoughts haha

[@tamarraclark4740]

Oh please review this all the way to end. Especially for SK and Raven

[@thecometkingdom]

this has aged so well

[@ThatWeirdFinn]

I'm 36 years old and a total fan of the first Crocodile Dundee -movie hahahah :D (dude visiting New York or something wasn't as enticing :D)

[@coreybrownCYoBrown]

So Dr. K, you have me buzzing. It seems that you evaluated this scene before seeing when Cole audibly confessed to not being physically attracted to her. In now knowing this, does that confirms that her suspicions were accurate all this time? Asking bc I’m growing to learn how we need to make space energy/ intuition during moments like this?

[@monktvshow]

I love your commentary on these shows! Can you do a reaction to the Korean show on Netflix , Change Days? It’s about existing couples deciding whether they should break up or not and I feel like you’d have a lot to say about it

[@Confettifun]

So the ultimatum but in korea?

[@0103harleyq]

@@Confettifun but better ....wayyyy better.

[@bobefff]

YES I LOVED THAT SHOW!

[@candacemacpherson6439]

A recent interview with Colleen, she said that their story was mis-represented and that Matt was always her #1 and another guy, not one of the 5, was her #2. Netflix made it look like Cole and Brennan were her #1 and #2. She said she cried because she was exhausted and had been drinking.

[@dauntlessmonsivaiz9960]

“Its not a woman thing its a human thing” dude can you be my father

[@Sunnyday069]

Zay clearly has a incoming filter that is skewed. Super drama.

[@sydneyandrae5265]

Cole and Zanab give me Natalie and Shane vibes. Like an outgoing sort of hyper, goofy man, with a serious, sometimes accidentally mean woman

[@corrynnoel8718]

This is spot on!

[@whtyc]

Um, I’m 41 and my brother is her age and we had Crocodile Dundee on VHS and watched it religiously (I had asked for the movie for Christmas 😂)

[@lisapvpv]

Great episode 👏

[@rp7604]

as a woman i hate when people start a normal non-gendered statement with "as a woman" lol

[@Nikki-lr5jn]

Cole and Zanab stress me out! I love them together, They are my favorite couple, and I want them to be happy. However, Cole made a mistake by saying what he said about Colleen. Zanab pretty much stopped trusting him that moment. Even though Cole loves her and he's doing all he can to makeup for it because of what happened early these two can't stay on the same page for very long.

[@TheKriBlade]

Great video!

[@filmgirlLisa]

As soon as I got to understand Raven a little bit, I knew she was Avoidant.

[@silveryn9784]

What she meant with the women thing and getting in your head about it is having slept with a men and then thinking, was his interest only to sleep with me once? It is a social thing, not sexism.

[@SicYennefer]

Sexism IS a social thing. And women wondering if men are using them for sex is a product of the sexist culture that we live in, because we are told that all men want is sex, and all women are good for is sex.

[@hannalowercase5928]

@@SicYennefer i think op meant it as "she's not saying as a woman because she's separating men and women inherently, she's saying as a woman because of societal reasons that lead women's experiences to be different in that way"! that's how i took it either way, but yeah definitely due to sexism

[@meli7315]

Said how society is how perverted society is and women feel used through their bodies. And feeling empty. When they do sex but having no intimacy.

[@mizzviolets1499]

In the crocodile dundee comment it sounds like she is talking down to him

[@TheIngridjoseph]

She only talks down to him.

[@lifeofmimi8912]

Has anyone seen the wedding yet!? Omg!!!

[@lea8532]

I don’t believe anything that comes out of her mouth 😭