Gaslighting, Influencers, and Eating Disorders

[@aduguys2970]

I'm with you 100% Kirk. You must be cloned.

[@Ellzy1]

My mother gaslit me. Every single childhood “memory” I had, she denied it ever happened. Simple things, innocent things, darker things. She literally tried to make me feel like my entire childhood was nothing more than a figment of a highly vivid imagination. To this day, at age 61, I still need reassurance that events happened at least somewhat remotely as I remember even if it happened after my mother died. So sometimes the term used incorrectly bothers me. Like, my entire childhood is gone. I doubt everything I do and every memory I have. I also realize that language changes and nothing can ever again belittle my lived experiences.

[@alabama.worley]

The term upsets me equally as much for the same reasons. Please remember, your reality belongs to you. This includes YOUR experiences, beliefs, ideas, memories, feelings, etc. Allow yourself to validate what YOU feel, without any attachment to, or requirement of others' words or actions.

[@maarleyjedermann3174]

Hi Dr. Kirk. As someone from Germany, I want to comment on the person who wrote in about people photographing accidents and disrupting first responders. This is absolutely not a George Floyd thing where they try to document injustice. I think it started when Germany's largest tabloid started giving out money and mentions for the most sensational reader photo. Either way, gawkers literally started getting into arguments and physical fights with first responders, because they were outraged, that they were asked to go away. It got so bad, that Germany changed the laws/punishment for gawking and for being a hindrance to first responders.

[@nicoler5511]

I’m so glad you’re still enjoying the podcast! I was wondering this too :)

[@moimoiGirlFin]

On your video about OCD I realized that was what I did as a child! (About 10yo) I never really got it before. You talked about praying and I did that compulsively every evening, I knew it was weird and I was just too anxious to take the chance not to. I had other compulsions but that definately stole hours of sleep from me. I even notice some thinking patterns I still have and feel like Ive gained some control over it!

[@toppuburando8298]

Thank you Dr. Kirk for all the content you put out. ❤

[@nicksergent6792]

Dr. Honda, you the man! It's so awesome you're able to enjoy your day-to-day. As someone who used to work in the corporate world but now has their own business and MASSIVE impatience, I totally identify with your feelings on having meetings about meetings haha.

[@VieraRabbit]

When i hear you saying that some people hates you I just can’t understand how it is possible. I’ve been listening your videos for about 2 years and I never in my life met more reasonable, peaceful understanding and smart person than you. I actually have the opposite problem. I like the way you work with your clients and the way you are able to help people understand things about themselves so unique that I don’t think that I could find someone who would be able to help me the same or at least similar way than you as a therapist. I’ve been in a therapy for a year and it was nothing like what you do. We filled up questionnaire about a previous week, how often I was depressed, if I could concentrate and so on and that was it. A little bit of update on what happened in between the appointments and I went home.

[@ness0388]

Probably some kind of weird transference combined with parasocial relationship. People think they know him and what he's saying is upsetting and triggering them. Because they disagree or don't like the statements made. Sometimes people feel attacked when something you say pokes holes in their perspective.

[@sophielesher8002]

kinda was waiting for one of these, as someone whos struggled with ED for years. thanks for your insight to the general public who don’t know about it❤

[@lucylohan8894]

Yes, finally you're talking about eating disorders I can't wait to listen!

[@agamamama1351]

Haters gonna hate. I appreciate your courage in being so open and educational for those of us who can learn from you.

[@shamsham8328]

My therapist told us once that she had a colleague who wouldn't refer out his eating disorder patient to her (she specialized in it, and this patient had issues around men in her life) and the patient ended up comititng suicide and she (therapist) kind of blamed him for that. Its def a very real thing, its really good that you refer people out when you know you arent fully equipped to help.

[@shamsham8328]

@@bolt9282 So you think that because his hubris clouded his judgement to the point that he was unable to see that he didnt have the credentials to properly help his patient, and even when confronted with that fact remained stubbon, which ultimatley led to the patients death, the other therapist who made this suggestion is a "feminist who blames men for everything"? Sounds like you've been a bit too deep on POL my friend, there are shitty people in both genders including yours. Touch grass.

[@erikavaleries]

Thank you for all you do & for teaching psychology to the world 🌎! Especially the past few years. Happy Holidays 🎁🎄🎀 to you & yours!

[@izamartian90]

46:40 I 1000% get that wrestler meme you’re describing!! It’s hilarious

[@KittenCece]

The way you talked about eating disorders really was scary - as someone who is seeking help for a suspected (binge or emotional) eating disorder, I'm terrified of being assumed that in lying or not telling thr truth. I'm afraid of the confrontational style of therapy. I'm really. I just am so terrified. I know it'll be hard. But ugh. Hearing that was staring down the barrel of the gun [I turned it off at one point because I could feel the fear taking over] But yeah, I'm scared. I figured voicing it here would maybe help me work through that and not fester in it all day.

[@RenayOpish]

I had the care of a family member with an ED recently-we went with Equip and also EDA (Eating Disorders Anonymous). We had interviewed at The Emily Project too. They were all good experiences. I think it is important to interview a few people at first and go with which program or therapist seems to be the most knowledgeable. I do know a couple people who recovered with O/A and EDA. I just wanted to encourage you, it is possible, and you get to decide who to work with.

[@NRaptor]

I laughed so hard at the explanation of the meme! I can visualise it! I couldn't find it online, if anyone has a link to it please, that would be amazing 😂

[@_d_h_]

regarding taking photos of accidents (ca 31:00). in Germany there is a law against people taking photos of traffic accidents and you'll get large fines (at least compared to speeding etc). I'm not a fan of the justice system in general, but stopping/slowing down to take photos of an accident is one thing that bothers me immensly and people should just not f-ing do it!

[@stuartp2006]

21:50 I think the childhood precarity of space is something you are just raised with. I didn't really have my own space until I went to university, and I don't think I ever thought of it as an affront to my privacy. Given the other abuses going on, you'd imagine I'd be primed to think that, but it was just normal. I think privacy is something that has to be taught to us, not the other way around.

[@asmrmimir]

We love you and berto and bob and rebecca

[@natepepin09]

I don't know if I agree about protecting the word gas lighting. In psychology there is a specific well defined definition for the word, but colloquially there is a different use. This happens in other fields. Sometimes I say "I have a theory" and am corrected to "hypothesis". The correction is dumb because I'm not speaking in a scientific context, but in a colloquial context. In physics we have words like quantum, and black hole, and a lot of the colloquial usages don't fit with these, but that's fine because they are two different contexts. There is potential harm in people conflating the colloquial with the scientific, but assume people understand the two contexts, is there an issue?

[@erikavaleries]

Is there a link to the new Fan Discord? I was sent a link from the old one but it expired. If it's not ok to publicly post here, can it be made available on the Fan PIS page?

[@Yolduranduran]

When talking about eating disorders bulimia is what is mentioned. What about binging?

[@ClintSevilla]

Justice for Karens! I actually agree with this.

[@edenferriss768]

Eating disorders feel like OCD because of the rituals involved.

[@Suegeeeee2]

Dr. Honda, since you have acquiesced about gaslighting, what would you call classic gaslighting now?

[@lucylohan8894]

I have found that a lot of therapist even the ones that so call specialize in eating disorders. Don't want to work with people that have ED. I've always gotten a feeling that they believe that it is too hard to treat. It's too complicated and it hurts a lot of therapist egos. I mean all you have to do is go on Reddit or discord and find some therapist talking about eating disorders. It always has some weird negative field behind it. I mean even Dr. Honda didn't want to work with them anymore. It fucking sucks.

[@saiikik2727]

Let the people speak without gatekeeping words that psychology stole. Clinical definition of gaslight doesn’t exist. You keep saying there’s a “clinical“ definition but there’s not. It’s the same definition anyone uses. It came from a Hollywood film. Same as narcissist coming from Greek mythology. A centuries old word that professionals have now been telling people they shouldn’t use that word without a diagnosis when that word has been in communication for century’s.

[@fiona_blossoms1170]

On the question about people filming people in distress in public. I don't think Kirk spoke about auditors. There are people who intentionally film the police (or security guards or anyone in a position of authority), they film around police buildings, government buildings, the emergency services, or anywhere they think they will be told off for filming and they are trying to evoke a reaction and catch it on camera, in order to make a point that filming in public is not a crime and they are within their rights to record anything they see in public places. Quite often the police will come out and question the person filming, asking what they are doing there and it can escalate into the person being stop searched and detained under the terrorism act. In the end they have to let the filmmaker go without charges because as a member of the public they are within their rights to film anything that they can see as long as they are on public land. The filmmaker can then sue the police for being too heavy handed and detaining them without just cause. The point is to catch the police behaving badly and show them up for being heavy handed. They sometimes film incidents they see on the street, if the police are attending a situation, for the same reason. To catch the police behaving badly and to make a point to exercise their right to film in public.